Chapter 7. Stuck On

Stuck On: Having a crush on

Cullen

As the sun starts takin' over New York City, the sound of an engine jolts me awake. I open my eyes and check the time as a car speeds by. I've been sittin' in this fuckin' phone booth for at least an hour, waitin' for a decent time to ring Kitten.

I was up most of the night, tossing, turning, thinking about that look on her face when she slammed the car door yesterday.

A look I put there.

I need to make things right.

It's still early enough she'd be home before headin' off to school. Late enough Swan's probably already at the precinct.

I slip a nickel into the slot and listen to the rings on the other end while tension builds in my gut.

A soft, sleepy, feminine voice answers, but it ain't the voice I was hoping to hear.

"Hey. Ali, right?" I whisper like someone's gonna hear me. "Put Kitten on for me, will ya?"

"Hi, uh, Mr. Cullen." She suddenly sounds awake and nervous.

"That's right. She there?"

There's a pause on the other end. It feels like fuckin' forever. I think I lost the connection when she finally answers me.

"Oh, no." She clears her throat. "Izz is already gone. Meeting of the, um, business club at school."

Right. Sure.

"Business club, huh?"

"Yep," she tells me, a little too quick. Kitten's cousin ain't sounding all that convincing.

"Kinda early for a club meetin', don't ya think?"

"Nope, nope, they uh, meet this early all the time, actually."

"Uh huh." I wanna tell her she's full of shit, but where would that get me?

"Alright then," I finally say. "Tell her I called?"

"Sure thing."

Upstairs, my brothers are both gone. Ma's shuffling her way back down the hallway like she just left the kitchen. I close the door and help her back to bed.

I take her elbow and match her pace, tryin' not to rush her. She peeks over at me like she's just noticing I'm here.

Ma's hair used to be jet black, with curls everywhere. Grey's taken over now and it's pulled back in a bun most of the time. Her steps are slower these days. She's got a small hunch in her shoulders.

Sadness and loneliness make her look older than she is, but today, with the surprise in her eyes and a hint of a smile on her lips, I think I see the woman she was before. The one who hummed while cooking dinner and told us stories at bedtime. The one who got me into drawin' pictures and solvin' puzzles.

"You're gonna be late for school, Ed." It's hardly a whisper. I don't remember the last time I heard her voice. I don't remember the last time she said my name.

"I ain't in school anymore, Ma." She don't have a bad memory. It's hard to keep track of what year it is when all your time is spent sleepin'.

She nods as she slips into the bed, pulls the covers over her, closes her eyes. I take a deep breath, wishin' I could ask her what the fuck to do about Kitten. What to say. How to say it.

As it is, I'm on my own.

xXxXx

I'm early to meet up with the boys for deliveries. I want to make sure no one's at the shipping docks that shouldn't be here, so I park a block away, half hopin' someone shows. While I wait, I draw. I contemplate all sides I got comin' at me.

Thought maybe the guys would be done with bootleggin' after the other night. They all still showed up for the pick up, though. Not a peep out of anyone about what went down inside Swan's jailhouse.

I chalk it up to the that fact I moved our meetin' place, switched up the route, changed the time. It took a little longer than normal, but Seth agreed it was the smart move. Made Jimmy a little nervous, made Garrett & Al so twitchy they shot up a seagull for no good reason.

Riley didn't seem to mind. Never does. And nobody was copped. I guess that's a win.

I set my pencil down, stretch my neck, crack my knuckles, inspect the picture I've been workin' on. It started out as some stills - a tree, the docks, the water. Turns out I can't keep Kitten out of my drawings any more than I can keep her outta my head.

I'm pretty satisfied with what I've got so far. The tilt of her head, hair coverin' half her face, the pout in her lips, even. But her eyes…

I pick up the pencil again, erase 'em. Start over. This time it's closer, and I stare down at 'em for a minute. I hold on to the way she looks past where I come from, who I am, who I'm in business with. How she manages to find something good there. Good enough she still wants to be with me in every sense of the word.

Or maybe she don't anymore.

Not after the way I acted.

I glance over at the passenger's seat, thinkin' how close I came to ruining something she can only give away once. A scrap of paper catches my attention on the floorboard. I lean over to pick it up wondering how our deliveries ended up on the floor.

Then I start to read.

"The fuck?"

It's a list alright, but it ain't no list I ever made. Or any of the guys, for that matter.

1) His hands on my breasts

2) The same without clothes in the way

3) Getting totally naked

"Christ." It goes on and on. Kitten's got a lotta ideas, each one dirtier and more innocent than the last.

Even when she ain't here, she's teachin' me something new. Maybe she's inexperienced, maybe even a little naïve, but she knows what she wants. She sure as hell knew what she wanted yesterday and who she wanted it with.

I shoulda guessed, the way she blushes when I touch her, when I look at her sometimes. I'm the first guy that ever brought it out in her.

She must be outta her mind, wanting something like that with someone like me.

I spot Riley makin' his way down the docks, fold the piece of paper up and slip it in my pocket before I end up with a fuckin' hard on in the middle of work.

Riley keeps lookin' over his shoulder every couple of steps. I check around, but there ain't nobody for as far as I can see.

"Welcome to bootleggin', kid." Lookin' over your shoulder's a way of life.

When he sees me heading his way, he shoves his hands into his pockets and waits.

"Hey, boss." The kid's barely looked me in the eye since I picked him up yesterday.

It should make me suspicious, if I'm bein' honest. No reason for Swan to leave Riley untouched other than him bein' the guy that ratted us out. My gut says otherwise. There's gotta be another explanation 'cause I watched the kid like a hawk for months before hirin' him. But I can't help thinkin' my gut might not be workin' right, lately.

Chasin' after a dame, skippin' out on deliveries, missing a pick-up.

"All good, Riley?" Like he'd tell me if it wasn't.

He seems hesitant. "All good here. You?"

"Time'll tell, I guess." I glance back where he came from to see if there's any sign of someone following him.

"You hear about the Harp who walked into a Red Hook bar?" Riley asks, divertin' my attention.

I ain't exactly in the mood for a story, but in all honesty, I could use the distraction. "He got some kind of death wish or somethin?"

We keep walking. "He says to the waiter, "Gimme a glass of stout, I wanna see how it compares to Guinness back home."

I laugh 'cause Riley's attempt at an Irish accent is shit.

"The waiter shakes his head. "Alcohol's illegal here, can I getcha a glass of water?"

I huff. Shake my head.

"The Irishman heard places like this have speakeasies in the back, right? So he slips the waiter a twenty, says all quiet like, "What if I pay in advance?" The waiter nods, takes the bill, comes back with a glass of dark liquid. The Irishman smiles, thanks the waiter, drinks the beverage, spits it out. He says, "Ah, fuck. I heard American beer was shite, but this is a whole other level."

I laugh loud. "Hope he kicked that guy's ass for that crack."

Riley shakes his head. "The waiter's like, "I already told you, alcohol's illegal here. That's tap water"

I clap the kid on the shoulder. He's funny. I'll give him that.

"Let's get to work."

xXxXx

Riley's counting our liquor and I'm reading over Kitten's list again when the rest of the boys arrive.

4) Touching him... there

5) Kissing him... there

I think about Kitten sittin' somewhere, comin' up with this list. Then I let myself imagine it for a second or two - her hands on me. Her lips on me.

"Christ."

"What's this?" Seth tries to grab the paper but I snatch it away just in time.

"None of your fuckin' business." I tuck it safe into my pocket again.

He gives me a suspicious look but lets it go.

The six of us pack the truck. It's fast, smooth work; a well-oiled machine. The way we work together's one reason I keep coming back. Then there's the urgency, the intensity, the rush of knowin' we gotta be on the lookout. The high of outsmartin' the coppers and the competition.

But today that high's undercut by a different kind of tension. The boys are giving Riley looks and mutterin' under their breath. When I catch Al and Garrett throwin' words like rat and fink out there, I tell 'em to settle the fuck down. Focus on work, I'll handle the rest. They may not like it, but they fall in line.

By the time we've made our first delivery, and I've convinced the owner there ain't no need to take his business elsewhere, I'm breathin' easier than before. I figure it's time to try Kitten again.

Only her cousin ain't having it… again.

"Look, doll. I gotta talk to her. It's important." I stare at the next thing on Kitten's list.

6) Bringing him to completion

Jesus…

"Tell her…" I peek around, make sure no one's listening in. "I need to apologize."

"Apologize?" She says, louder than she needs to. "Whatever for?"

"No offense sweets, but that ain't none of your business."

There's whispering on the other end of the line before she tells me, "Well then I guess she still ain't here."

She hangs up before I can get another word out, and I slam the receiver down a little harder than I need to.

With a few curious looks from the boys out on the street, I compose myself. They trust me with their lives. I can't go lettin' 'em see me shook over a dame.

I try to concentrate on Marcus's customers and ease their concerns about what went down last week. There's a skill to it, convincing people without violence. I've gotten good at it over the years, but there's still a few clients who ain't willin' to overlook Monday's fiasco. I don't wanna think about how I'm gonna tell Marcus, but truth is, he probably already knows.

There's still time though. I can swing back around later, offer up some extra booze to problem accounts. I try not to worry about it coming outta my own pocket.

As much as I'd like to stay focused, keeping Kitten off my mind proves pretty fuckin' difficult, especially with this list of hers burnin' a hole in my pocket.

I call the Swan house so many times, I gotta borrow nickels from the boys.

Ali don't let me talk to Kitten, but she says she'll pass along my messages. The way she says it, I believe her. I'm glad she's lookin' out for her cousin. The more people the better. When I tell her as much, Ali's voice catches in her throat.

"You really care, don't ya?"

I don't bother answering. If two dollars in phone calls don't get the message across, nothin' will.

I step outta the booth, frustrated, when I notice I got five sets of eyes on me.

"You seem tense, boss." Garrett folds his arms.

I wave him off. "It's nothin'."

"Didn't sound like nothin'." He's a big-six, built like the fucking Woolworth building. Usually I don't notice 'cause the guy's all goof. Today he's towering over me like he wants to put his muscles to good use.

I look him in the eye. "Havin' a bad day, is all."

"'Cause you're making me pay you to stab me in the back," he mumbles as I pass him by.

I spin on him. "The fuck did you just say?"

His eyes go wide like maybe he didn't expect me to hear. "Nothin' boss," he tells me, hands up like he don't want no trouble.

I make a show of crossing my arms, exaggerating the way Garrett did a minute ago. "Didn't sound like nothin'."

His eyes dart, he shakes his head. Outta nowhere, Al's fist flies through the air, punching Garrett in the arm so hard the guy falls against the truck.

"Don't listen to him, boss," Al says, pushin' his brother along, gettin' him outta my face. "We're all havin' bad days lately, that's all."

They've had a shitty week. I get it. That don't make what he said any easier to swallow. And that ain't the end of it, 'cause when the two of 'em disappear around the other side of the truck, there's Jimmy, starin' me down a little too intense, even for him.

I aint' in the mood for this guy. "You got somethin' to say now?"

He leans against the driver's side door and pulls a drag from his cigarette, letting the smoke sit in his lungs a while before blowin' it out. Then he tosses his butt onto the ground and kills it under the toe of his shoe.

"Not a goddamn thing," he tells me, takin' his time to get back into the truck.

I think about given' him a piece of my mind. Maybe a piece of my fist to his face. But I need today to go as smooth as possible, so I don't do either.

There ain't a lot said after that. We get through the afternoon, but by the end of the day, things feel like they're coming to a boiling point.

Garrett watches the streets, looking thoughtful and angry while Jimmy drives. He grips the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles are white. Al toys around with a Tommy, loadin' and unloadin' it too many times to count. Riley's double checkin' his sheets, and I can feel Seth's eyes on me while I think through some strategies for the next pick up.

It don't matter how many times I've played the route out in my head, how well I know the coppers' schedule, or how close we are to gettin' one over on Charlie Swan. When nerves get in the way, mistakes are made. We can't afford another fuckin' mistake this soon. We can't afford one ever.

So I'm relieved when we get to the last delivery of the day. Even more so when I remind myself it's the Deegan brothers. They've known Marcus for decades. They'll buy from him 'til the day they die. I let the guys handle the drop off while I find another phone booth.

As I'm waitin' for someone to pick up, I get a tap on my shoulder I don't expect.

I find myself face to face with Seth as some kid answers the phone.

"Hullo?"

"The fuck is up with you today?" Seth asks me.

I don't wanna waste a nickel, so I ask, "Kitten…" Fuck. "Izz home?"

Seth's brow knits.

"Who's askin'?" the kid hassles me, but I'm not about to negotiate with some wise ass while Seth is starin' me down, so I hang up after all.

"Who's Izz?" Seth asks as I push past him.

"A girl," I tell him honest.

"You been this distracted over a dame?"

"I ain't distracted." That one, that's a lie.

Seth barks out a laugh 'cause the two of us? We don't lie to each other. And he can tell I'm blowin' smoke from a mile away.

It's time to come clean.

"She ain't just a dame, alright?"

He folds his arms, lookin' amused. "Right. It's Kitten." He smirks. "Do tell."

This guy.

I lean up against the bumper, shove my hands into my pockets.

"I met her at Esme's last week."

"Friday?"

"Yeah."

I can tell he's doin' the math. It ain't that hard to figure out. "Is Kitten why you couldn't make it Monday night?"

I look him in the eye and nod.

"Shit, Ed." His arms fall, he shakes his head. "You know half of 'em think you set us up, right?"

I push off the truck. "That's bullshit. You know I'd never fuckin'-"

"I know that." He waves toward the guys. "They used to know that, now…"

"I paid their fuckin' fines. Look at my goddamn face, for Christ's sake."

He holds his hands up. "You ain't gotta tell me."

Shit goes to hell real quick when you don't trust your people and they don't trust you. Fuck if I'm gonna get clipped 'cause my guys are under the wrong impression.

"How do we wanna play this?"

Seth thinks for a minute, watching the boys. They're watchin' us too.

"Al and Garrett'll understand. Riley's new, can't speak for him. Probably wouldn't set too well with Jimmy."

I agree. Seth's dead on, as usual.

"Okay," I tell him. "Let's do it."

xXxXx

Dupree's ain't like Esme's.

It's a dive. Small, dark, dirty, but people know me here, and I ain't gotta worry about cops.

"First round's on me." I throw some bills down, glasses get filled. Garrett and Al are quiet at first, eyin' each other like they don't know what the fuck to say. I half think Garrett's suspicious he's about to get whacked.

I ain't exactly complainin' he's worried. At least he ain't stupid.

I glance over at Seth. He gives me a nod.

Here goes nothin'.

I drink down my whiskey, then clear my throat. Everyone in earshot looks my way. Even Dupree.

"I met a girl."

"Me too." Garrett guffaws like he's lettin' out all the anxiety he's been holdin' in today. "She's right over there." He elbows Al and points to a dame across the room.

He and Al laugh a little, lookin' like they ain't exactly sure they should but can't help themselves all the same.

"No, I mean, I met a girl," I say to make myself clear.

The two of 'em stop short, choke on their drinks. They stare at me, blank.

"She's why I wasn't there when you got copped."

Realization hits 'em. Then relief. Then a mischievous grin spreads across Garrett's face.

He raises his glass. "Well, here's to Ed takin' a dame to bed instead of rattin' us out to the fuckin' coppers." He laughs too fuckin' loud even for this crowd. "Hope she was a looker!"

Al slaps him upside the head. "What's the matter with you?" Then he takes a seat at the bar. "What's she like?"

I smile just thinkin' about her. "She's the best fuckin' thing that ever happened to me."

xXxXx

A couple hours later, Garrett and Al are singin' a horrendous fucking rendition of "Down Hearted Blues". They're sloppy and loud. All night long, they've been teasin' me about Kitten. I almost regret tellin' 'em about her, except they're fuckin' ridiculous and I'm lucky to have 'em.

In the end, I laugh with them. I buy 'em more liquor. Listen to 'em gripe about Jimmy's driving, Riley gettin' off easy with Swan.

Truth is, I feel ten times lighter, telling them everything. I still got some questions of my own, though.

"Either of you tell anyone where we were Monday night?" I ask Garrett when he's back at the bar, looking for a shot of something.

He gives me a funny look, waves me off. "Right."

"Maybe you accidently spilled to some skirt?" It happens. Not on my fuckin' watch, but I've heard stories about guys gettin' whacked over less.

Garrett sobers a little, gives me a look like I'm crazy. "No fuckin' way, boss. We ain't that stupid."

He's drunk off his ass. If he can still lie in this state, he's got more control than any guy I ever met.

I'm satisfied. And I figure I'm gettin' the same answer from Al, so I don't bother.

Garrett stumbles back out into the crowd where Al's waitin' for him. Seth claps me on the back, squeezes a little 'cause he knows what I'm thinkin'. He's probably thinkin' it too.

There's only two options left.

I'm lost in my thoughts when someone slides up next to me at the bar.

I ignore 'em, trying to figure out a way to decide about Jimmy and Riley. I gotta do it sooner rather than later.

"You lookin' for company?" a voice as smooth as silk asks. The broad's leaning my way, resting her head in the palm of her hand. She's got cropped blonde hair, the perfect blush in her cheeks, just enough skin showin'.

She's exactly the type I mighta taken to a back room to let off some steam. Tonight I don't give it a second thought.

"No thanks, doll." I go back to watchin' the boys, singin' with the band.

"Seems to me you could use the distraction." She starts to slide her hand around my waist. I grab her wrist before she gets too far.

"I fuckin' said no."

"I don't want nothin' serious, sweetheart," she whispers, craning her neck to reach my ear.

"I ain't what you're lookin' for," I tell her, nice as I can. Then I nod toward the crowd. "Go find your one night stand out there."

"Your loss." She rolls her eyes but heads across the bar and cozies up to Garrett.

Sittin' here alone, I can't take it anymore. I gotta talk to Kitten.

xXxXx

"Hello?"

"Please put her on, Ali."

"She ain't here, Mr. Cullen. She's, uh, at church."

"On a Friday night?"

"She's very… religious." Ali giggles on the other end of the phone. I ignore the fact she's blatantly lying.

"I gotta talk to her. See her. Somethin'."

She sighs. "You sound desperate."

I let my head fall against the wall of the booth, tappin' it there a couple times. I consider bangin' it hard enough I might forget how I feel, only I don't see that happening no matter how hard I hit my head.

"First time I looked into her eyes, I knew I wanted to be with her every waking moment," I confess to Kitten's cousin without even thinking.

There's silence on the other end for what seems like forever.

"Wow," Ali finally whispers. She repeats my words like it's for someone else to hear. "That was a really good line."

"It ain't a line, doll. It's fact."

There's muffled talking on the other end. I almost think she's gonna put Kitten on. "I'll let her know you called. As soon as she's back from... church."

I ain't got that kinda luck tonight, I guess.

Maybe tomorrow Kitten'll change her mind.

xXxXx

The next morning, I wake up on a lumpy couch at a flophouse.

Al's out cold three feet away.

I stare up at the ceiling, guilt eatin' away at me.

For stayin' out all night.

For the way I treated Kitten.

For avoidin' Esme.

I ain't ready to talk about givin' her half my savings, but every day I delay is another day she can't open her new place. Another day she's considering taking her offer somewhere else.

I can't afford to lose another one of Marcus's accounts, especially to William Black.

I lose Esme, I lose this job, I most likely get worse than a beat down. Maybe this time I lose my life. Then what chance has my own family got of getting' outta Hell's Kitchen?

I pull Kitten's list out, holdin' on to it like it's a lifeline.

7) His mouth on my breasts, without clothes.

8) His hand between my legs, just like Rose described

Christ.

I'm a fuckin' idiot.

I want her. She wants me. It ain't all that complicated.

I head out to find a phone booth before headin' home.

I'm reading number eight again when Ali answers.

"Oh, hi." She clears her throat and I hear paper rustling. "You know Izz is a person with feelings of her own. She's not just here for your entertainment. She needs to be respected as a person to make her own decisions."

She sounds more like she's readin' from a book than talking to me about Kitten.

"She don't think I respect her? I fuckin' respect her, Ali. I respect the shit out of her. I respect her enough to not-"

"And she expects you to trust her as much as she trusts you." Ali finishes up.

"You know I could just say all this to her, right?"

There's silence on the other end of the line. "I don't think you can." She finally tells me.

I don't know why I expected anything else. "Let her know I respect her, okay? And I trust her. And when she smiles, my entire world lights up like I ain't got a worry in it."

I hear the sound of air rushin' through Ali's lungs on the other side of the call. "Oh my goodness. You're head over heels, aren't you?"

"Like bricks into the Hudson."

"Like Gatsby and Daisy."

I laugh. "Only hopefully this don't end with me gettin' knocked off."

"I'll see what I can do," she whispers.

"Thanks, doll."

Maybe I'm making some headway with Ali.

With one more glance at Kitten's list, I realize there's a few things missin' she might not even know about. Things I've been fantasizing about since we met.

I tuck it away as I bolt up the stairs two at a time, feelin' more optimistic than I did this morning.

I ain't got the door half open when Carl comes runnin' outta the bedroom.

"Ed! Thank God you're here." He's worried as hell.

"Ma?" She's always the first person I think of when Carl's worried like this.

He don't move, just shakes his head. I can't remember the last time I've seen him like this. I glance around for a clue, then it hits me, Jasper ain't here.

Shoulda known.

This fuckin' kid. "Where is he?"

"He wasn't here when I woke up. I've been checking around. Couldn't find him, then-"

"Then what?"

"Tyler said he thought he mighta left early with a couple of guys he ain't ever seen around before."

That ain't new. Jasper goes off all the fuckin' time. Somethin' else is makin' Carl a mess.

"Did Tyler say it looked like Jasper knew these guys?"

He shakes his head. "His brother thought they were…"

He don't wanna finish, but he's gotta if I'm gonna breathe right today. "Thought they were what?"

"Maybe cousins of…"

I take him by the shoulders, tryin' to shake the answer outta him. "Finish the fucking sentence, Carl."

"The Blacks," he says nervous. "But they weren't-"

I'm out the door and downstairs before he can finish. My mind spins, wonderin' why my fuckin' brother would go anywhere with one of Black's guys when he knows they ain't nothin' but trouble.

When I start up the car, Carl's at the bottom of the stairs, wavin' me down.

"Hell no."

"I wanna go."

"Stay with Ma. I ain't got it in me to worry about you and Jasper."

He scowls with silent disapproval, but I don't got time to fight with him.

I speed my way to Black's territory, tryin' not to let panic take over.

I keep my hat pulled low as I scour the street corners lookin' for my brother. It feels like everyone's watchin' me a little too close, like they're about to head off, report to Black… to Marcus even, maybe.

Finally I spot Jasper, playing craps in some alley like it's any old fuckin' day. I'm gonna murder him 'cause he ain't ever gonna learn.

"Ay!" I yell across the street as I stalk toward the lot of them. Half the kids scatter, half couldn't care less who I might be. Jasper spins around with the stupid grin on his face, holdin' up a wad of bills.

"Look, Ed!"

Just as I'm gettin' ready to grab the little shit by the collar, three men in high-end suits step out of the corner restaurant.

I stop short.

They glance around, smug, like they own the whole goddamn city. May as well.

The one in the middle's got a toothpick between his teeth. When he sees me, he don't even try to hide the look of satisfaction on his face.

It's William Black's son, Jake. A lotta people say he went straight, got his money tied up in construction. Anyone with a brain knows it's just a front. Guy's as crooked as they come.

Can't stand me. Feeling's mutual. It's a long story.

"What brings you here, Mr. Cullen," he says a little too politely.

I start walking again, keepin' my eyes on Jasper. "Ain't nothin' about nothin', Jake. Just gettin' my brother."

"This is your brother?" He seems surprised a Cullen'd be stupid enough to visit his side of town. He don't know Jasper though.

Black gives his guys a nod. They spread out, flanking me on either side, and I slide a hand inside my coat, slow, and put my finger on the trigger of my Colt.

My jaw tightens 'cause I wanna beat the shit out of my brother for making me come here, but I ain't doin' it in front of Black. It ain't none of his fuckin' business.

"Big brother not keepin' you busy enough, little Cullen?" Black teases.

Jasper scowls.

"He's busy enough with school," I tell Jake.

He waves my answer off like it's nothin'. "What are you thirteen?" he asks Jasper. "Ed doesn't wanna give you a job, maybe you can come work for me."

"I'm fourteen, asshole," my idiot brother spits.

"Jasper," I call out. His head snaps in my direction. I hope the look I'm given' him gets my point across.

Black's goons start closing in on us.

"You ain't offerin' him shit," I say, diverting Jake's attention away from my little brother. "I find out otherwise, I'll have somethin' to say about it."

His smile fades. "That a threat Cullen?"

"It's whatever the fuck you want it to be."

"Well," he says. "We wouldn't want you getting' your hands dirty."

"And we wouldn't want you tarnishing your fucking integrity."

I play it even, but inside, I ain't close to calm. Takin' on Marcus's guys fair and square is one thing. Takin' on Black's men in a gunfight, the odds ain't exactly on my side.

I glance over at Jasper, jerk my head toward the car. He don't hesitate.

"We got a problem?" I ask Black.

"Seems like anybody can roam around any old neighborhood these days, huh?" He narrows his eyes.

"Maybe I'll visit some other neighborhoods too." He spreads his hands. "Uptown, downtown. Hell's Kitchen." He silently dares me to challenge him.

Might be worth it, only I got my family to think about.

I bite back the urge and walk away.

"Maybe even set up shop on Fifth Avenue," he calls out. My blood runs cold, but I force myself to keep movin'. I ain't givin' this goon the satisfaction of knowin' he just hit a nerve.

I start the car up and try to ignore the smug smile on Black's face as Jasper and I leave.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" I ask when my breathin' is normal again.

"What do you mean?" Jasper says. "'Til you got there, I was-"

"You were a sittin' fucking duck, waitin' to get clipped for being who you are on the wrong side of town."

"It's boring at home," he whines. "I ain't got nothin' to do."

"Reading, cleaning'." I start ticking things off. "Studying for that mathematics test you got comin' up. God knows your grades ain't where they should be."

"But-"

"And if you ever fuckin' leave the neighborhood with goons like that again, you're on your fuckin' own, 'cause I sure as shit ain't comin' to get ya."

I don't know what to say I ain't said before. I can't figure out how to deal with his bad habits. Worse than that, I can't concentrate on much except Black's last words to me.

Fifth Avenue.

As in Kitten.

But what the fuck does he know about any of it?

Maybe he's just spoutin' bullshit, but now I gotta get a hold of her, make sure she aint' in some kinda trouble.

I can't get home fast enough, and when I do, I shove Jasper into the apartment. "Go to your fuckin' room."

"What about-"

"Don't give a shit what you have to say."

"Ed." Carl tries to intervene.

"I ain't got it in me to have this conversation."

"If Izz was here, she'd-"

"She ain't here though, is she, smart ass?" I can't take his defiance.

I can't take Kitten refusin' my calls. I can't take not seein' her face or holdin' her in my fuckin' arms. And I definitely can't take my brother's lookin' at me like it's my fault she ain't here.

"Get to your room," I tell him again. This time, he listens.

Carl shakes his head, grabs a book and follows Jasper down the hall.

I make another phone call downstairs.

When Ali answers, I don't waste any time.

"Just tell me she's okay, Ali. I gotta know she's safe or I'm gonna lose my shit."

"Mr. Cullen?"

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Ali says in a rush. Then she lowers her voice. "Between me and you, you got her all bent outta shape."

I let myself fall against the booth, relieved. "She ain't the only one, Ali. When she says my name I forget who I am."

Ali sighs on the other end of the phone line. "She uh… she gave me another script to read you-"

"Fuck." I let out a laugh that feels more like a desperate plea. "I don't need to hear another goddamn script. I need to talk to her. Hear her voice."

"I… um." She sounds like she's as lost as I am. "I just, I can't, Mr. Cullen. You understand, right? I'm so sorry though. Really."

"Not near sorry as I am."

I slam the phone down, wishing there was some way to make Kitten listen.

I can spend an eternity callin' her up, telling Ali how I fuckin' feel, but that ain't gettin' me anywhere.

Only one option left, as far as I can see.

Before I get a chance to form some sort of real plan, I'm outside Kitten's house.

I watch and wait until I realize I don't know what I'm waitin' for.

Walkin' up to the house, I glance around, making sure no one spots me. My hearts beatin' outta my chest by the time I'm at the door. Swan's cruiser ain't here, but that don't mean shit. I need to see her so bad, I don't give a rat's ass.

So I knock. I breathe. I swallow my nerves.

The door opens.

It's Ali.

Of course it's Ali.

We stand there starin' each other down.

I try to think of ways I can get past her.

Ali reads me like a book.

A smile plays at her lips.

She takes a step back, opens the door wide, and lets me in.

Fire Island 2020

"I knew it!" Emma cheers. "I knew Ali would let him in!"

Getting in was only half the battle.

A/N: Nothin' like a little persistence to get your foot in the door, right dolls?

We're grateful for SueBee this week, for her beta-brilliance. For Kate & ChrisAnn, for their pre-reading passion, even when we take forever, and to you all for following along with Cullen & Kitten's navigation through prohibition.

FYI for anyone not in the dark, dank box: due to some real life struggles on time for both of us, we're shifting our posting day to Tuesdays. Teasers in the box on Fridays. Miscellaneous jocularity in between. Thanks for being here! See ya next week!