Tonks, 02.07.1995

Tonks's holidays had passed impressively fast. And to be honest, she didn't feel any more rested after them—quite the opposite.

She spent most of her time planning Tulip's wedding, but fortunately, they managed to take care of everything urgent. And deep, deep, deeeep inside, Tonks had to admit, that she enjoyed picking Tulip's wedding dress. But maybe it just had something to do with the free champagne.

She also had the conversation with Penny regarding her move out. They both ended up hugging and crying on the couch.

On Saturday, she visited her parents. Usually, Tonks liked to spend time with them. Only this time she had to hide from her mother that she joined the Order of the Phoenix and met her - apparently innocent – cousin, Sirius Black.

Andromeda could always tell when something was wrong with her daughter. Sometimes it was even spooky. So of course, that day she quickly noticed it too and began to question her.

Tonks chose the lesser of two evils and told her parents about Penny moving in with her boyfriend. This ended up with Ted joking about her culinary skills and then suggesting that she should move back to them. While Andromeda started interrogating Tonks about when she would finally find a boyfriend.

As for the Order businesses, well, after the one mission with Lupin, she was on two others. Once with Kingsley and once with Emmeline Vance. Both successful and without any surprises. Obviously, a report had to be written for Moody after each. And today, she was supposed to meet with her mentor to discuss her work so far.

Though she missed Mad-Eye, Tonks would rather go on a date with a gnome than to this meeting. She had no idea what to prepare for. Her first mission was a disaster. She recreated it in her mind several times, and still couldn't believe her own incompetence. How could she be so stupid? She attacked her partner! Something like this should never happen.

And that strange half-smile from Lupine. What was that supposed to mean? What could he have written in this report?

Mad-Eye will talk with her about this for sure and he will demand an explanation.

But unfortunately, Tonks had no god explanation.

She came to his house perfectly on time. They asked each other security questions, and after a while, she was standing in his guest room.

"I'll put the kettle on. Sit down, lass."

Tonks sat down at the desk where he usually received her. She felt a heavy weight in her stomach. Her left leg was stamping nervously.

After a while, Moody returned and threw three folders on the desk. The pink-haired witch looked at the one with the date 25th June with slight fear.

Mad-Eye watched her for a while, saying nothing. She swallowed hard. Tonks felt his magic eye scanning her. She wanted to lower...

"Good job."

...her head but held back.

Wait. Did he just say...?

No! Impossible. Tonks was sure she heard it wrong. She looked into Moody's normal eye but couldn't read anything from it.

"What? Could you repeat that, please?"

"You heard the first time."

Tonks felt her jaw drop. Praise from Moody was rarer than good weather in Wales. So far, he has only twice expressed satisfaction with her work. All in all, she should be happy about it. But on the other hand, she was even more curious about what Lupin had written in his report.

"Can I have a look at…"

"No," Moody swat her outstretched fingers. At the same time, a kettle whistling started coming from the kitchen, "Be right back."

Mad-Eye disappeared behind the door, and Tonks was left alone with the folders at arm's length. She could have sworn that suddenly the whole room was dark and a beam of light fell on only this one file, wrapping it in a mystical glow.

Tonks glanced into the kitchen to make sure Moody was busy making tea. When she was certain her mentor was preoccupied with something else, she extended her hand toward the report.

"Better wizards than you tried to rob me, you know? Nice try, lass!"

Actually, she could have expected that. It was naive to think that his magic eye wasn't focused on her all the time.

"And has anyone succeeded yet?" asked Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Only one. But you are still very far from that league."

Mad-Eye returned to the room, a tray with a teapot and two teacups levitated next to him. He sat down at the desk again, and the aroma of strawberries wafted through the room. Moody poured half a cup of tea into both cups and then added firewhiskey to them.

"Who exactly was so crazy to rob you?"

"None of your business. Here is your tea. Now tell me why you want to read Lupin's report so badly?"

"I dunno. I was just curious, that's all."

They watched each other. Tonks tried to look as neutral and uninterested as possible. She felt as if Moody saw right through her, but then he did the most unexpected thing in the world.

With one hand, he slid Lupin's report in her direction. Tonks wasn't sure what that meant. Maybe it was some form of a test? Then Mad-Eye made a hand motion urging her to read it.

Tonks grabbed the report greedily and started reading it right away. It was written in a neat and nice handwriting. The words were chosen very precisely, without unnecessary details, but with all the essential facts. After the first two paragraphs, she decided to go straight to the part that interested her the most.

Only she couldn't find it.

So she read the whole thing from the beginning, and it turned out that this part simply wasn't in the report. He described the entire incident as if one of the Death Eaters overwhelmed him.

Lupine didn't mention that she attacked him. He concealed it.

"And? Something's wrong with the report?"

Tonks wasn't sure what to answer. Lupin didn't lie, but he wasn't honest too.

He changed the facts in the report, but he changed them in her favour. Just why did he do that? Should she tell Moody the truth now? But then he would probably get mad not only at her for her incompetence, but also at Lupin for keeping it secret. And let's not forget that when she was hit during the fight, he protected her with his own body. So she owed him.

"No," she returned Moody the file, "everything is fine."

"Good. Then let's move on. It's been a week, lassie. You had some time to think things through. And you've been already on three missions. So now I ask you a question that I ask every newbie," Moody leaned forward and looked her straight in the eye, "do you want to withdraw?

"What?!"

"You can resign without any explanation. And I promise I won't think any less of you."

"Why would I do something like that? "

"Because you are already a target, don't forget. Your parents were hiding from the day your mother ran away from home to the day they locked up your aunt in Azkaban. And you can be sure that when she finds out that you are a member of the Order, you'll be higher on her list than even Harry Potter."

"Yeah, but fortunately, Aunt Bella is in Azkaban."

"And she is Voldemort's most loyal soldier. How long do you think she will stay there?"

Good point.

Tonks knew her mentor was right. Although, Aunt Bella dreamed of getting her hands on her anyway. Whether Tonks was a member of the Order or not. It didn't make much difference. So, she began to wonder if Mad-Eye maybe had another reason. Maybe Lupin had told him what really happened after all?

"I don't understand. You don't want me in the Order or what? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, lass, you did nothing wrong. And if I wouldn't want you there, I would never send you the Patronus."

"Then what is it about?"

Moody sighed loudly. He seemed so self-conscious. Tonks has never seen him self-conscious.

"I'm getting old, Tonks."

"Nonsense! What are you talking about, Mad-Eye? You're not old! Is it about the kidnapping?"

"NO! It's not about the damn KIDNAPPING!" he yelled so loud that Tonks jumped in her chair, "Yes, I've made a mistake. I wasn't careful enough. But I will not feel sorry for myself! Every Auror makes mistakes. But this will not happen again. And you can be sure that I'm still able to defend myself and kick some Death Eater's asses!"

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry! You are still the best Auror in the whole UK! I know that."

She put her hand on his, but he immediately cut his hand out. He looked at her in disgust, though Tonks could have sworn she saw him smile for a second.

"What I wanted to say, lassie is that I'm getting old and sentimental. I fought in the first war, and I still remember what it's like to lose my proteges. Some were younger than you when they died fighting for the Order. I guess… ", he sighed, "I just want to make sure you are aware of the risk your signing up for.

Wow!

He finally said it.

There it was! Moody's confirmation that he cared about her. Tonks had known it a long time, but it was good to hear anyway.

Ok, maybe he didn't say it outright, but his whole statement could be translated from Mad-Eyeish to English as 'I care about you'.

"I know, Mad-Eye. And I promise you, I won't get killed so easily! I want to stay in the Order. Definitely."

"Good. Then I hope you are aware that I will be demanding even more from you? From now on, you will deliver two reports daily. One from your work as an Auror and the other from work for the Order."

"Sure, I will handle this."

"I have no doubt," he said and even smiled slightly. Then he walked over to the dresser where he kept his top-secret documents. He removed the Disillusionment Charm and then placed his wand in the recess. There was a click. Moody went to one of the drawers and took out a small scrap of paper, which he then handed to Tonks, "This is for you. Read, remember and burn it down. This is the headquarters address. Tomorrow at eight will be the first official Order meeting. Do not use the doorbell and do not be late."

Tonks read the note and thought she had already heard the name of this street somewhere. She memorised the address and burned the paper down as instructed.

They sipped their tea, talking about the last Quidditch match. And when they finished, Tonks began to gather home.

"Ah, and lass," called Mad-Eye as she stood in the doorway, "remember this is a secret society. No one can find out that you a part of it. Be especially vigilant tomorrow. I'm sure a few things have changed in the Auror Office."

Remus, 02.07.1995

Good that Remus was so skilled at wandless magic! Otherwise, he would never be able to open the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. Not with all the books, he brought with him. Oddly enough, he didn't bring them for himself, but at Sirius' request.

His field of vision was reduced through the pile of books. But somehow, he managed to silently cross the threshold. Remus tried to gently close the door with his foot so that it wouldn't slam and wake Mrs Black. When he succeeded, he started walking slowly towards the stairs.

And halfway there, he suddenly hit something. Or rather someone. Remus tripped over Kreacher and fell with him and the pile of books to the ground. The noise immediately woke Walburga, who began to scream mercilessly.

"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE PEACE OF MY ANCESTRAL HOME?..."

Remus tried to help Kreacher up, but the house-elf didn't want his help. So, he ran to Walburga's painting and wanted to cover it with the curtains. It took a lot of strength from him, but he finally succeeded, and there was silence again.

Except for the sound of lazy clapping hands.

Remus turned to see Sirius standing by the stairs, nonchalantly slapping his hands.

"That was something, Moony! I have not seen such a beautiful fall for a long time. This old elf didn't even move, though you were walking straight at him."

"Have you seen it all? Why didn't you say anything? You could have warned me or helped me with these books."

"And miss this whole show? Nah."

"This is not funny, Padfoot! I could have hurt him."

"Oh, come on. It wouldn't be a crying shame anyway. Now take these books and come with me upstairs. I have already started the research in the library."

"Perhaps you could help me?" asked Remus, but Padfoot already disappeared on the stairs.

Typical Sirius Black. He had Remus bring from his cottage all the books on Transfiguration, Magical Creatures, and Magical Medicine, but he wouldn't even think to help carry them.

Fortunately, he wasn't on the Muggle street anymore, so he could use magic for help. Although with this amount of books, even that was not easy.

When Remus got to the library, he saw that Sirius wasn't kidding about his research. A whole lot of books were already scattered on the ground.

"Now can you finally tell me what you need all these books for?"

"I have to study."

"You? Study? But you always said it is a waste of your precious energy."

"Not this time. And you will help me with this, professor!"

Remus had a bad feeling about this...

"What exactly do you want to learn about?"

"Everything about Metamorphmagi."

...and he was right.

"Padfoot, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Because your cousin is not a study object. She is a person, not her ability. If you want to know something about her, you should just ask. I can assure you, none of these books contains an instruction on how to bond with your Metamorphmagus cousin."

"An instruction perhaps not, but maybe it will help me to understand her better. Or at least not to offend her by accident."

And Remus had to admit that his answer even sounded reasonable. Sirius had a talent for offending people, by accident and on purpose. Besides, learning about other magical abilities wasn't something bad. Actually, it was the lack of knowledge that caused many prejudices and misunderstandings. So maybe Sirius' idea wasn't the worst?

Though, Remus still felt like he was invading someone's privacy.

"Ok, but do you really need my help with this?"

"Of course, Moony! I can't do it myself. Just looking through these books to see if there is anything about Metamorphmagi in them would take me ages. And she's already coming here tomorrow."

"All right, all right," Remus sighed, surrendering, "then maybe let's get started right away. I think I saw something about Metamorphmagi in 'Transformation Through the Ages'."

"Perfect! Let start with it. Read aloud, Moony!"

Lupin wanted to make a comment that learning is not about lying on the couch with your eyes closed and listening to someone else reading a textbook, but he kept it quiet. He began reading the short section on the Metamorphmagi that was contained in his book. Then he looked for something in the others as well. Unfortunately, there was very limited information about Metamorphmagi.

By the end of the day, they managed to go through practically all books. Most of them didn't even mention Metamorphmagi. However, from those who had information about them, they learned some interesting things.

Remus knew that this ability was very rare, but he was surprised to learn that only three Metamorphmagi were born in Britain in the last century. And someone had to be born one, there was no possibility to learn this.

There have been studies of the heredity of this ability. Unfortunately, no genetic relations were found. Nonetheless, an interesting dependence was discovered. It turned out that all parents of Metamorphmagi usually created very extraordinary marriages. They differed significantly in appearance, family background, mobility or other aspects.

The simplest definition of being a Metamorphmagus was, 'having the ability to change your physical appearance through sheer willpower'.

Nevertheless, it was not that simple. The process was very depending on biological structures. Initially, it was thought that a Metamorphmagus did not have one true form. That no one, not even themselves, knows what they really look like. But this theory was quickly demolished.

Every Metamorphmagus has his own body, his natural appearance, on which he can make changes. However, when he does not use his powers, he returns to the original form. A Metamorphmagus may knowingly stop using his powers, or it happens due to a weakening of the body (e.g., by illness) or during rest (most often during sleep).

Mostly, the appearance changes are intended actions. But they can also happen unknowingly. This is often caused due to strong emotions or during a dream. However, the unaware changes only concern the adnexal structures of the skin such as hair or fingernails. The reason why only these structures, can be related to embryogenesis.

Though, changes on more developed organs require full concentration.

Probably the scope of possible changes is limited. No case has yet been reported where a Metamorphmagus could completely change his gender (no successful attempts in changing sexual organs) or take the entire form of an animal (possible changes of individual body parts to analogue animal parts).

It has also been observed that a Metamorphmagus has a higher body temperature than an average wizard. Their metabolism is usually faster, thanks to the frequent changes in their body.

These changes can also lead to balance problems. The Metamorphmagus often doesn't keep up with getting used to his constantly changing body.

The mental health of Metamorphmagi has not yet been fully explored. Dumbledore wrote an article about it, 'Is Vanishing Without a Trace Possible?'. The title can be confusing because it is not about the physical disappearance of the body, but about the personality of the Metamorphmagus as a separate entity, capable of taking any form. Unfortunately, no other scientist has researched this area when probably this would be the most useful information for Sirius.

"Did you also bring Rosalie's book as I asked you?"

"Yes," Remus answered carefully.

"Then check if she wrote anything about Metamorphmagi."

Remus sighed but then did what Sirius asked him to. He scanned the table of contents and saw that Rosalie had indeed written something about Metamorphmagi. For a moment he wondered if maybe it would be better to lie to Sirius.

"And?"

"She wrote one subsection on this topic."

"Great! I knew Rosalie wouldn't disappoint. Read it out loud!"

"I honestly don't think it's a good idea, Padfoot."

"Why not?"

"Because she is your cousin. I understand that you want to get to know her better, but probably not in this aspect," Remus said, throwing a copy of Rosalie McKinnon's 'The Art of Loving in the Magical World' at Sirius.

Black looked at the book hesitantly and then threw it back.

"Touché. So you read it! And then tell me if Rosalie wrote anything useful."

"No," Remus refused, throwing the book again at Sirius.

"Common Moony!" and the book flew into the air again, so that Remus barely caught it, "Don't be such a party pooper!"

Lupin felt the growing irritation within him. A week has passed since he lived with Sirius and it started to get more and more annoying with every day.

That's just how it was with old friends - when they spent too much time together, they started to irritate each other.

Remus tried to be understanding. After all, Sirius has been through a lot. And nightmares haunt him every night. But slowly even Lupin began to lose his patience.

He looked at Rosalie's book, and felt that Sirius had just crossed the line. From the beginning, Remus was uncomfortable doing all this research with Sirius' cousin in mind. What would she think if she found out that an old werewolf wanted to know more about her abilities?

Remus did this because he wanted to help his friend. But if Sirius thought he would agree to read about Metamorphmagi in 'The Art of Loving in the Magical World', then he was way off beam.

"No! Forget about it! I will not read this, Sirius!"

"Blimey, what's your problem?"

"What's my problem?! Merlin, how can you not see how inappropriate this is?"

"You were always a little bit stiff, Moony. But not like that… What happened to you? Where's your inner Marauder?!"

"This is called growing up!"

"Growing up?! Please, rather getting old! I don't recognise you. You changed! And that's the problem!"

"No, Sirius! The problem is that you didn't change! You didn't grow up!"

"Because I was TWELVE FUCKING YEARS in FUCKING AZKABAN!"

"And are you going to use this excuse for the rest of your life?!"

"YOU?! You of all people want to criticise me about using one excuse for everything?!"

"This is not the same! I will be cursed for THE REST OF MY LIFE! And you are no longer in Azkaban, are you?!"

"NO LONGER IN AZKABAN?! Do you have any bloody idea what you are talking about?! I'm in Azkaban ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I never left my cell! And I doubt I will ever be able to leave it! I may not be physically there but, but my mind... But my mind, my mind..."

Sirius suddenly slumped to the ground. Remus ran up to him to see if he was all right. Fortunately, he did not pass out. Apparently, his body was not yet ready for such an emotional conversation.

Remus helped him settle on the couch and sat down next to him. For a while, they stared silently into the empty space. The old werewolf felt guilty about losing his temper, especially since it was still ten days to the full moon.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I shouldn't have questioned what you went through. You're right, I have changed. Apparently not for the better. What I have been through these twelve years has changed me. But that doesn't give me the right to judge you."

For a moment, his words hung in the air. But then Sirius took his hand and said, "Nah, I also have no right to judge you. I don't even know what you've been doing these twelve years."

"Nothing big."

"Twelve years is a lot of time. You definitely have more to tell than I do. Come on, Moony," he gently nudged him with his elbow in the arm, "don't make me beg you!"

Remus sighed. These twelve years had been a real nightmare for him. He didn't like to talk about it. Though so far, he also had no one to talk to about it. He was lonely. He had no friends. No one to listen to him. So, since he regained one of his old friends, maybe it would be good to talk to him about it? Just let it out?

"After the funeral," he began in a low voice, "I talked with Dumbledore about Harry's future. He told me he was supposed to go to his aunt and uncle, you know, Lily's sister. And I realised then that there was nothing left for me to do here, so I decided to go abroad."

"Abroad? Where did you go?"

"India. The wizarding community is much friendlier and more tolerant there. Of course, I still had to hide what I am, but it was a little easier. People thought I was different because I was English, not because I had a secret. I got a job, and I tried to forget everything that happened. But I never succeeded. I spend there a little over two years, then I found out that my mother had fallen ill and I returned to Britain."

"Your mother? How is she?"

"She died in October 1983."

"Oh. I did not know. I'm sorry. And how is your dad?"

"I'm not sure. After my mother's death, we broke off, well, I broke off contact. He deserved some peace in his life. Especially that I knew already then that I had no chance of making or taking the Wolfsbane Potion. So I left again. I spent three years in French and German forests. Two years in Egypt and then a few months in Turkey. One and a half years in Norway and then I finally returned to England. It's been almost four years since I got back here."

"That doesn't sound so bad! You have visited many interesting places. Certainly, more than me! Even after I escaped. You must have seen a lot."

"Rather too much."

"That means?"

"That means," he sighed, "I had no idea how cruel this world could be for someone like me. I knew most wizards had prejudices against werewolves, my father always warned me about them. Therefore I spent the first years of my life very lonely. My parents protected not only other children from me, but also me from them. Then Dumbledore allowed me to go to Hogwarts. I met wizards there who accepted me, even after they found out about my condition. Not only did they accepted me, but they also became my friends! And also, they protected me. So I never really knew what real prejudices were. I only found out when I lost all my friends and parents. When I was left completely alone."

Sirius grabbed his arm and squeezed it as a sign for support.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I saw things I will never forget, Padfoot." Remus shook his head, "In the French-German forests, I joined a pack. We had to change our camp location from time to time because there was a group of wizards who hunted us. Even when we were in human form. At first, I thought they were doing it out of fear. But at one point I realised they were doing it for fun. They treated killing us as a hobby.

"I went to Turkey because someone told me they were doing there a study on a potion, that would inhibit the transformation and be available for all werewolves. And apparently, they were looking for volunteers who would agree to test this potion. I wanted to apply. I had nothing to lose, after all. But it turned out to be a trap. I managed to escape at the last minute. Five other people managed to run away too, but the rest weren't so lucky.

"I made friends with one of the escapees. Together, we managed to escape abroad, and then she invited me to her home in Norway."

"She?"

"She," Remus confirmed, " but it's not what you think. She was only recently bitten and was a single mother. Her husband had left her and their daughter even before she was bitten. She didn't know how to deal with her changes, how she could protect her daughter and others. So I decided to help her. I lived with them. We got along well. Again, it was not what you think, Padfoot. We were just friends. Until one day, I came back from grocery shopping and found them both dead. I suspect her ex-husband must have found out somehow that she became a werewolf. He probably thought she had infected their daughter and wanted to ease the suffering for both of them."

There was silence again. Remus had nothing more to add, and Sirius tried to understand all this. For Remus, however, the silence wasn't awkward. It was difficult for him to tell the whole story and needed a rest now. Though, he felt a kind of relief too.

"That sounds horrible," Sirius said, squeezing his arm again, "I'm sorry that you had to go true it. But I'm sure that in those twelve years also something good must have happened! Some lady didn't help you forget about your worries for a moment?"

I know what you're really asking.

"Believe it or not, but I actually gave it a try a few times. I really tried to find the pink one."

"And?"

"And nothing. I think relationships are just not for me. They never were and never will be."

"Nonsense! It just means you haven't met her yet. You should actually be happy about it. The best is yet to come!"

"I doubt I'd ever meet her."

"Of course you will meet the pink one! After all, Marlene saw it in her vision!"

He said her name.

Remus was slightly shocked. So far, Sirius had not mentioned her name even once in his presence. Lupin wondered if this was a good time to talk about her. To find out at what stage of mourning Sirius was. Whether he has accepted the reality or was he still deceiving himself.

"Sirius... I doubt, I doubt that, that all her visions will come true."

"Nah, they always come true!"

"But she had at least one vision that has no right to come true. And I'm not talking about the pink one."

"Then why do you think that it can't come true? What was this vision about?"

Black stared at him with his grey eyes. His gaze showed aristocratic disapproval of any objection. But there was also curiosity and fear in it.

"I don't really know what the vision was about. She wouldn't tell me. She just gave me a vague clue and promised to talk to me then. And as you know, that's not possible anymore."

Sirius' eyes suddenly began to shine, and his cheeks twitched. His lips trembled a little before he spoke, "She really had a vision in which she will talk to you? You're absolutely sure it didn't come true before... you know..."

"I'm sure."

"Moony, that's, that's," he jumped off the couch, "WONDERFUL!"

"What?"

"Don't you understand?! If that vision didn't come true yet, then it will happen in the future! That means that I was right all along!"

"No, Sirius..."

"Marlene is still alive! Ha! I was right! I was right!"

"Sirius, I don't think..."

"I don't care, what you think Moony! I always knew that she's still alive. And now you gave me the ultimate proof for that!"

"That's not what I..."

But Sirius was no longer listening to him. He was engrossed in his happiness. And Remus realised then that it will still take a long time before Sirius finally accepts the reality. However, as he watched Black dance with a cushion around the room, Remus quietly hoped that it was Sirius, that was right all along.