Chapter 6
Warning, some sensitive things are mentioned (torture/rape) in this chapter, it will be contained to this one you won't miss anything by skipping—only some back story, as this is Briar's mind at the end of the last chapter. I am not trying to glorify it at all, but it is part of her back story, it is why she cannot be touched by anyone.
I felt numb, utterly and irrevocably numb. What I saw in that mirror it, it, it was, me yet I barely recognised myself. I did not register when I got the knife, or when I cut off that first bit of hair. I was spiralling into the dark abyss of my mind, my memories. My hair it was so long, so so long, she liked that Amarantha liked it. All those males did, all of them. It had to go.
I didn't notice a small shadow springing out of my own as I sank to the floor, nor the first tears that had started to roll down my cheeks. Not registering the cold, hard stones against my legs. Only the thoughts of all the pulling on my hair, all those moments in torture- and bedrooms. It had to go. I was so lost in the memories, that the loud crash barely registered. Instead, it triggered a memory of Under the Mountain.
50 years ago
A loud crash sounded as the door to my new cell opened. I had been brought to Amarantha by the Attor a few months ago. Now I was to be in a section so close to the people I used to fight alongside with. The door banged against the wall, as I tried shrinking curling up in a tighter ball. Why couldn't I just phase through the floor? My entire body hurt, as I was pulled up harshly by my hair. It was some noble, his pale complexion with Spanish features and dark hair suggested court of nightmares. Shit, I thought. ''Amarantha has given you to me, just for tonight though'' he drawled his voice cold. He didn't waste any time roughly binding me to the cot before getting into me. He did nothing to soothe me as I started sobbing, the restraints tight his thrusts hard and raw hurting me. It seemed like forever until he finished leaving me bare, bound, raw almost to the point of drawing blood, leaking his, his seed. ''Maybe until next time'' he smirked. It wasn't the last time I saw him.
A movement caught my eye, a large male was moving towards me. I probably flinched as he stopped in his place. I scrambled away from the things in my hands, not leaving them, I gripped the knife tighter. Muttering my thoughts over and over, not really registering them as my mind raced almost as fast as my heart. I was dizzy due to a lack of oxygen and began to feel the tears on my cheeks. I felt a shadow brush my ankle, but I didn't flinch, and soon more of them covering my exposed skin hiding me. ''shh, shh'' Cassian tried shushing me, wait for Cass only now recognising him and the others that had entered the room. He reached out a hand only for me to grip it with my left hand feeling some comfort in his touch, he was a friend, he grounded me. It took so long for me to calm down enough to stop hyperventilating. ''It needs to go, the hair'' I forced out, voice raw and thick, tears still streaming over my face. As I became more aware of where I was moving further out of the darkness towards the now. ''Let me'' Mor said approaching me and replacing Cassians place. ''How short? Can you give me the knife'' Mor asked. I hesitated but let go of the weapon in my hand. She didn't seem like she would hurt me; instead, she looked at me with sympathy and understanding in her eyes. The shadows didn't retreat; they kept me covered as I only had a bathrobe on. ''Sh-sh-should-d-der'' I stuttered beating myself up in my mind for sounding so weak. As Mor guided her to sit on the edge of the tub. ''Out you three'' Mor said to the males standing in the door.