WHAT 4k!? If I told you guys I literally screamed sksks but seriously now, I am truly thankful. I know I make you guys wait too much, I'll really try taking less time between posts but writing this one took sooo long oh god i just could NOT decide what phoebe would think of the situation… Quarantine is a bitch and we're all in need of a little fun, so enjoy!

"I don't wanna be fine,
Not if it means
she's going to let go of my hand.
Not if it means
we're going back to being
Polite Strangers."
― Forbidden, Tabitha Suzuma

Phoebe felt the weight in the bed shift and she stayed still as the girl left the room, not any girl, her daughter. Her daughter. The hiccups were gone but silent tears still insisted on falling, she couldn't stop, her heart ached as if it was in flames. Now alone she joined courage to turn on her own bed, she laid facing the ceiling and put both hands on her face, her mind couldn't stop spinning from one thought to another, she couldn't focus, still she tried.

The two teens she met at school weren't strangers at all, they are from the future, a future she married and left her family, a future she's a mother and a wife. It all felt like a nightmare, like some type of mad joke, only she knew it wasn't, she could see it now in their faces. He looked like Ma- his father but had her something and the girl, Barb looked so much like her it was scary and yet somehow she also reminded Phoebe of her own mother.

She had seen the girl's face when she first learned the truth, probably a mirror of her own, scared and shocked by this absurd situation. Phoebe could not accept or understand how her older self would put kids, her babies, through so much. How can her future one even live knowing some day her children could find out, all she managed to imagine was how much pain every person that knew and loved them now would have to feel once the twins decided to run away to be happy together. She couldn't help but think, was it worth it?

Their father. Her brother. Her husband. They were all the same person, her head couldn't accept that, she is Phoebe, she doesn't cheat on school papers, she doesn't even know how to lie properly how could that and the girl who m-marries her twin be the same person? It didn't make sense, it's illogical, her mind tried over and over again convincing itself. Yet her heart can not be lied to, she already felt that way once, twice. At the time she pretended she didn't understand it or that she didn't know how everyone else would react if she told them, but she did, that's why her lips never told a soul, because she knew it wasn't "normal". And there it was, it hit her like a knife through the heart, aching so much she felt like it would never stop, she realized right there, still laying in her bed, she already felt that way for him. She was suppressing these feelings and someday, somehow, he'll feel it too and together they'll hurt everyone they love, they won't hold back and this children will be born.

She decided right that moment it didn't matter what anyone told her, she would be selfish this once, she would choose her family. She was going to change their future. In a sudden burst of courage she sat on the bed, her heart racing, to only then realize she had no idea what to do. Her parents would maybe know how to help but she could not, she would absolutely not tell them, she could bear a lot but not to look in her mother's eyes if she found out those were hers and Max's children. Slowly she put away the covers and let her feet fall to the ground, was there even a way to help herself? All Phoebe's head managed to think was that it already is a non existing possibility cuz she wouldn't run away with Max and if she doesn't then it's all "fixed" isn't it? It's simple she just has to be the good daughter she's already known for. Graduate, find a cute NORMAL guy to marry and be happy, that's it, that's all she has to do… Then why does the idea sound so not merry at all? This made up version of her future felt as it was hundred of times more wrong than the other absurd one she had been told about. As if she knew long long ago the thought came to her: that's why they left, as simple as that, as wrong and miserable as it was, the idea of being apart was worse.

She got up, but was now lost in her own mind, the game her thoughts were playing was of wanting. She wanted him. And for that was she prepared to lose everything she had at this moment and begin a whole different life? She knew she didn't have to be ready or even think about that now but would it ever be enough to stop her in the future? Will anything be enough?

Everywhere felt cold and she shivered while making her way down the steps, at the very end she stopped abruptly, he was there, searching her eyes with his own. He looked as surprised as her, just at the first two steps, one feet at each, as if freezed by the sight of her. Did he know too? Had the boy told him? Could she share this burden with someone else? So many questions and not one made its way to her lips. Instead her mind thought of why he might want to come upstairs.

"- She's not…" - Phoebe began with an almost whispered voice but before she had any chance to continue he cut her as if reading her mind.

"- He's not there either, do you think they...?"

"- ...Went back? They couldn't right?"

His eyes looked sad and once again she wondered how much he could have guessed even if he wasn't told a thing. He's smart, she knows that, even if she won't admit it out loud. Maybe none needs to tell him and he'll still end up knowing. Then she noticed that while she pondered on her brother's knowledge of the facts he had climbed down the steps and was now ponting at the couch and looking back at her as if waiting for a reaction. And it did come as soon as she saw the two forms crumble up together sound asleep, her heart finally settled. She loved them. Somehow she loved these two strangers and now she knew she could never give them up. She could never even think of being the cause of this two souls not existing"

"- Phoebe what's wrong? Why are you crying?" - The urge to make a joke ended as he felt his heart sink, her face was sparkling with tears and for some reason that scared him.

Their eyes met again. Hers now filled with pain.

"- We'll have to do it. We will have to forget about everyone else for them. For our children. I-I s-see it now, just how much a parent loves a child."

"-...our children ?" - His voice wasn't any louder than a whisper and did little when it all fell quiet, her eyes were wide, he didn't know.