"Fuck."

I stared angrily at YooJin. She'd walked through my kitchen wall. I'd been reading the back of a package of pumpkin cream soup. Some new brand I'd thrown in my cart while shopping online.

I snatched at my instinctive anger. Held onto it. Strengthened it. Made it stronger than the fear that had me taking a step back. Cultivated my natural desire to protect myself and my home.

She scoffed and looked around. "This place is a mess."

I didn't bother answering her.

Her eyes skimmed over my counters, littered with empty packages and dirty dishes. My sink full of old dishwater. Cold and gray. Abandoned the last time I'd impulsively washed a few dishes. A lone dishcloth bloated and floating. Growing a bit of mold.

Then her gaze flicked to me. Again, I was wearing a pair of shorts. Necklaces and sashes draped over my bare chest. I hardened my spine and my resolve. I didn't need to be embarrassed about my exposed skin or my wards. I would allow no weak emotions.

"You're still wearing your preschool necklaces. Didn't I show you that they don't work?"

I shrugged. Pushed out words flippantly. "I like them."

She laughed. "You're a pathetic little man. You know that, right? It's one of the reasons you hide in your house. You want to avoid the ghosts, but you know the humans won't accept you either. You're all alone in the world, trapped in this shithole."

I let her words bounce off of me. They were meaningless. She didn't know a thing about my life. She was a fucking ghost. Doing nothing but searching for chinks in my aura. I wouldn't allow her to find them.

"A man's home is his castle."

"Nice fucking castle." Her face suddenly switched from anger to girlish excitement. "Tell me all about NamJoon."

I fought back the worry that made my cheeks grow hot. "I can't. I haven't had a chance to talk to him. He hasn't been around much. I think he must be really busy with work or something."

"Or something? You aren't even sure what he's doing?"

"How would I know if I haven't been able to talk to him?"

"Does he have a girlfriend? Did he get a girlfriend?"

She was breathing heavily. Starting to freak out.

"I don't know." I kept my voice low. Considerate. Trying not to rile her up, but still trying to prepare her. "Since you've passed, it's only natural that he'd move on. Especially since he's so young. If it happens, you shouldn't take it personally. It doesn't mean that his love for you disappeared. It's still in his heart, waiting for when you can join each other in the afterlife."

Do I know this for sure? No. I don't know a fucking thing about the afterlife except that some people don't go straight there after they die. Heaven, hell, rebirth or something else. There's no telling what waits on the other side. I only know about this side.

I just knew that she was wasting her time. Trying to get information about him. Sustaining herself with crumbs. Dragging it all out. Possibly for centuries. I'd never talked a ghost into crossing over before. I'd never even tried. But she was able to hold an actual conversation. So maybe it was worth a try.

She was pulling the list that I'd made during her previous visit from her chest. Her eyes scanned it several times before she looked up. Completely ignoring what I'd said about the afterlife. "You were supposed to find out where he works. They're being mean to him there."

"He's an adult. It's all part of his job. He's a capable guy. He can handle it."

I watched her carefully. The way my compliment made her brighten up and then the thought of him being tormented made her sink straight back into fury. She was unstable. I regretted that I'd spent so much time studying psychology but had neglected practicing any therapy techniques. This bitch needed a seasoned professional to talk to her.

She was having trouble keeping her eyes off the list. "He made a new food. It's called aglio e olio." Her eyes scanned my kitchen again. "Can you make it? Now?"

"I've never made it and I don't think I have the ingredients. Namjoon told me what they are."

"He told you?" Her eyes grew warm. Full of love. Devoted. "He's kind. Right? He's so kind."

"Yeah. He's really kind."

"I want to see what the aglio e olio looks like. I want you to tell me how it tastes."

"I can buy the ingredients and make it the next time you come." I was not happy to make this promise. I didn't want her to come back.

"Good. Good." She looked down at the list again. Reading the words over and over.

"And you said he might have a girlfriend?" The words came out in a snarl. Shocking me.

"No. I didn't say that. I only know that he's busy, not that he has a girlfriend. I think he's just working late."

She rushed at me. Grabbed my upper arms. Hands hot. Eyes blazing.

"I told you I haven't seen another woman. There's no reason to think he has a girlfriend." Her hands grew hotter. "Don't burn me! When you leave marks I can't go talk to NamJoon because he'll ask questions I can't answer!"

She let go. Fell back. Look around in confusion.

I grabbed the opportunity. First dashing to the fridge and yanking out a bag of carrots. Then running into the living room, over to a basket and grabbing a christmas decoration out.

It was a christmas bulb. One of the colored balls that people hang on christmas trees. Old fashioned ones. Not the newer ones that are made of plastic. The ones that filled the basket were made of a very thin glass. I'd ordered a few dozen of them online.

I'd made a mixture of msg, pencil shavings from a navy blue eyeliner pencil, powdered idocrase, cinnamon and millet and filled the christmas bulbs with it. Then sealed them with wax.

YooJin was right behind me. Coming fast. I spun around and threw the bulb at her feet. Watched it explode against my floor. The powdered ingredients rising into a dusty cloud.

She screamed. The sound shrill and bone jarring, raking over my skin. Leapt back to avoid the ward. Eyes darting in pain and confusion, looking for an escape.

It didn't last long. A moment later she was focusing on me. Eyes fiery. So full of rage that her edges were wobbling, the lines of her being becoming skewed. Redrawing her as something horrendous, something out of a movie rather than the pretty woman in the pretty dress that I usually saw.

She was drawing together her anger and strength. Preparing to attack despite the puddled remains of the ward bomb that lay between us.

I raised another ball. Threw it the moment she moved. This time she screamed louder and fled towards my front door.

It was telling that she ran towards the door. She could have darted through the wall that was behind her. But she was in enough pain and freaking out enough that she'd fallen back on her human habits. She actually waited for me to walk over and open the door. Rushed out on the porch in front of me. Intent on escape.

She hesitated a bit when she got outside into the sun. Turning to look at me. Preparing to sort her thoughts and regroup.

I took a chance on the carrots. Not sure they'd work. But the idocrase wasn't easy to get and it was fairly expensive - especially with the shipping - and a bitch to crush into powder. I took one out of the bag and flung it across my yard. It sailed through the wrought iron fence and landed on the public sidewalk.

YooJin ran after it at top speed. The ghosts on the other side of the fence were already converging around it. She was just another one of them after all. She had different wards. She was stronger and smarter. But she still couldn't stop herself from chasing after a phallus-shaped carrot.

"That's right you bitch!" I shouted. Heart still pounding with adrenaline and fear. "You want the dick just as bad as I do! Stay the fuck out of here! Don't drag your ugly ass into my house ever again! If you do I'll be waiting for you! I won't hold back!"

My tirade had drawn her attention as well as some of the ghosts. They straightened up and turned to look at me. Wondering at what I was saying. I felt it. Felt when some of them found the hole that rent my aura because I hadn't been fucked lately. It was ground glass under my skin. A painful warning.

The spirits began moaning louder. Crowding tight together as close to the fence as they dared. Wanting to get to me even more desperately than usual.

And YooJin was turning back, venturing through the gate. Eyes staring at me. Wary. Pondering. Testing.

I grabbed two more carrots and chucked them over the fence. Some of the nearby ghosts flocked to them. Some didn't budge. Kept staring at me. Concentrating on my weakness. YooJin took several steps towards the carrots and then turned back again. Stalking up the sidewalk.

I held a christmas bulb up on my palm. A pretty swirl of silver and red. Shining brilliantly in the sun. "You wanna test me bitch? Then you mother fucking test me. I made fifty of these."

"I'll be back. You'd better have information for me. I won't be gentle next time. I'll jump right in that hole and possess you. I'll walk straight up to your rooftop and dive off head first."

"You wouldn't. If you hurt me, you won't get what you want."

She smiled. Shrugged. "You're right. I can't kill you, but I can hurt you real bad. So you'd better have my information next time, Little Man. And my list. I left it in your kitchen. Keep it somewhere safe. It's mine. I want it back."

"Don't come back. You think I'll just let you walk in here again? There's no fucking way."

She laughed. "This won't hurt me next time. I'll get stronger before I come back. You'd better get my information."

She turned and swept down the sidewalk. Through the gate. Disappeared into the crowd of ghosts.

I ran forward immediately. Sat cross-legged in the spot she'd been standing. Closed my eyes and opened myself up wide. I knew that I was taking a risk. I was way too fucking close to my fence and the ghosts on the other side. But I had to find more ways to repel her. I had to keep her away from me.

Coal dust. Robin feathers. Sand from Wales. Frozen corn - not on a cob, just the kernels. Rain. Motor Oil…

When I finally opened my eyes I felt weak. Not just my aura, but my body. I slowly pushed myself to my feet. Didn't spare a glance at the wailing ghosts behind me. Walked up the sidewalk and the stairs to my porch to gather the carrots and christmas bulbs that I'd left there.

Kim NamJoon was sitting in his fucking chair. Staring at me with a blend of fear and awe in his eyes.

Shit. I averted my gaze. Grabbed my things.

I knew that I'd need to talk to him again. Probably again and again and again. Until I had enough wards that I could trust to keep YooJin away, I'd have to keep trying to placate her with information.

But he probably thought I was insane. He'd probably avoid me. I'd have to figure something out.

I closed myself back in my house.