Uta's Point of View
Taya had left the room to go to breakfast at the cafe.
I should've asked if I could come along.
But somehow, the words just wouldn't come out.
To be honest, it was really boring around here without him. All I had was my dumb phone and my computer and all these books I haven't read. (And that's because they looked boring.) And it had been boring since yesterday afternoon since we stopped talking to each other.
I didn't mean for it to happen... I didn't mean to be so harsh on Taya. But I feel like Taya ended up getting the impression that I didn't want to talk to him. He seemed to be avoiding me now out of fear that I was going to reject him or simply just be annoyed at him...
But... if Taya were to just talk to me again, I wouldn't mind in the slightest. I would be relieved if he did. I would be happy if he did. Things would be back to normal if he did.
Yet somehow, I felt too awkward to go out of my own way to talk to him.
I felt like I had quite a dilemma on my hands.
As soon as the game I was mindlessly tapping on my phone began feeling more like a chore than entertainment, I heard a knock on the door to my room.
"Yes?" I called out.
"It's Momo!" I heard an answer. "I brought a friend!"
"Oh, um... okay!" I said. I was so bored, and needed to get my mind off things. Maybe inviting Momo in wouldn't hurt. And maybe after Taya came back, having company over could make things feel less awkward between us...
I opened the door. Next to Momo, was a familiar face.
"Hey, it's De Facto!" She said.
"Teto?" I called out. Since when was Momo also friends with Teto?
"Yay! This is De Facto's dorm room!" Teto cheered.
"Um, excuse me? Does... 'De Facto' refer to me?" I asked.
"Well... it sounds kinda like your other nickname, Defoko, doesn't it?" Teto said.
Momo was laughing at us.
"Ah, so I take it you two already know each other!" She said to us.
"Um, yeah." I said.
After a minute of chatting, Taya's whereabouts ended up being the topic of conversation.
"So, is Taya out grocery shopping again?" Momo asked.
"Who's Taya?" Teto asked.
"Taya is Uta's roommate." Momo answered Teto.
"Oh... well, no, he's not grocery shopping." I said, answering Momo, badly hiding my despondency. "Taya is... well... We had a little disagreement."
I ended up confessing. But I was feeling really distressed. I was kind of desperate for any sort of consolation at that point.
"Oh... I'm sorry." Momo said. "What was it about, if you don't mind me asking?"
I sighed.
"Well." I said. "Taya is the kind of person who's always thinking of others. And that isn't a bad thing. But sometimes he forgets to think about himself, and well... he won some prize money and decided to blow it all off on me. He bought me a violin he had custom made just for me. I told him that he should've used it on himself, and well... we ended up arguing. Well, actually... he got really concerned about me. He asked me why I always looked so gloomy and I ended up telling him that... I have depression."
"Oh." Momo and Teto said softly.
"Yeah..." I said. I began to feel a bit awkward. I hated telling people. I hated speaking up about my depression. It always made things so awkward.
"I'm sorry." Teto said. "I... I wish I had known sooner."
"I'm here if you need to talk." Momo said.
"It's okay." I said. "Thanks for your concern."
"So... now did Taya react to that?" Momo asked.
"Well..." I said. "I don't mean to make him look bad, but he began to blow things out of proportion a bit. He started crying, and begging me not to hurt myself. And I told him that he was overacting. But looking back, I realized that everything I did probably hurt his feelings. Taya is very sensitive. He was only crying because he was worried about me. And it's not like he could control the way he reacted. He even got me a very thoughtful gift, which I rejected. But... ever since I spoke harshly to him, Taya's been avoiding me. And now that I look back, I feel I can understand why."
"Well... I feel the best solution would just to be apologize." Momo said. "Apologize and listen to him, but don't be afraid to articulate your side of the situation either. Maybe by having him understand your side, while also listening to his, you could not only make up, but be able to understand each other even better." Momo said.
"I agree with Momo!" Teto said. "But the important part is, don't be too assertive with your side of the situation either. It would end up making your apology seem like a not-apology, if that makes sense. Make sure to fully consider Taya's feelings."
I was pretty surprised by how maturely and heartfelt Teto was speaking in regards to giving me advice to my problems. Teto may be a goofball, but she definitely had layers.
"That's some really good advice, both of you." I said. "Thank you."
"No problem." Momo and Teto said.
"Oh goodness, I think it's time to get going..." Momo said, looking at the clock. "I'm sorry, but we both have bakery club after this. I'm sorry we couldn't stay here longer."
"Oh, it's fine." I said. "Thanks for the advice."
"You're welcome!" Teto and Momo said, leaving the room.
It was now once quiet in here again. Several minutes later, I heard the door open. It was Taya. I could tell immediately from his face that he'd been crying. My heart took a hit.
I took in a short breath. This was it. I needed to apologize...
I opened my mouth...
"Uta?"
Taya ended up saying my name first.
"...Taya." I said back to him.
There was a few seconds of silence. We ended up saying it in unison.
"...I'm sorry."
There was suddenly a gentle glow in the room. The sun had come out, and had begun to set.
"...Taya, um... I'm really sorry." I said. "I was very harsh on you. You're always thinking about others. You have such a huge heart, and that's what I like about you. It's rare to come across someone as caring as you. So, I just want to say thank you. For being here for me. And I'm sorry."
"Uta... Thank you... But I... I have something I need to tell you." Taya said. I heard his voice trembling as he spoke and I could tell it was something serious. My heart fell hearing his words.
"You can tell me anything." I reassured him.
"Thanks." Taya said. "Well... You see, I... couldn't stand seeing you so sad... or knowing you had depression, because I... I already lost someone dear to me who had depression before."
My heart took a hit. Taya lost someone precious to him? It hurt me to think about. But finally, a lot of things about the way he acted made sense.
Taya shook as he spoke.
"Taya, I..." I felt emotions welling up in me. I spoke softly. "Why didn't you tell this to me earlier?"
"Because, I... every time I talk about her, I start crying..."
Tears began rolling down Taya's face. He began wiping them away with his sleeve. It really hurt me to see him cry.
"Her name was Saya..." He continued. "She was my best friend in middle school... She was kind, funny, and a great friend... but everything changed when she became depressed. She became so sad... and cried a lot. It was so hard to watch her suffer. And one day she was going home from therapy and got in a car crash... and passed away... I miss her... I was never the same since then..."
Through his heart-wrenching story, I finally understood. I understood all the pain he had hidden deep in his heart, and how I must've brought it back on when I said I had depression.
I hugged Taya.
Emotion began to overtake me and my eyes began to fill with tears as well.
"Taya, it's okay." I said, holding back sobs. "Let it out now... I can tell you need a good cry. I won't yell at you. It's okay to cry. Just remember that it won't last forever... and you will smile again, okay?"
"Uta... I'm sorry..." Taya hugged me back and began sobbing.
"It's alright, I'm here..." I said. I began choking up as well. Tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes as I began sobbing along with Taya.
After we were finished crying, Taya and I laid completely drained on the floor and said, "Well... this is awkward."
"Our faces are red and puffy." Taya said.
"That performance surely earned us an Oscar." I said.
"Too bad nobody was around to see it." Taya said.
"Nah, maybe it's a good thing nobody saw us." I said.
That was when magic happened. Taya and I started laughing together. A real, genuine laugh from the bottoms of our hearts that brought us even closer together. A rainbow had come out after a long rainstorm. It was such a wonderful feeling.
Taya and I were back together. We got up from the floor and smiled at each other, puffy eyes and all.
"Taya?" I said. "Thanks for telling me this. I feel like I understand you better now."
"I feel glad I told you as well." Taya said. "I feel I'm no longer keeping a secret from you. And I feel like Saya would be happy too."
I smiled.
"You know, Taya." I said. "Saya will always be with you. Her impact shaped you as a person, so she lives on within you. Don't let Saya's spirit ever be forgotten."
Taya smiled.
"Yeah. Um. I have tons of fond memories with Saya." He said. "Her full name was Saya Toune. Isn't that crazy? I'm Taya Soune and she's Saya Toune! Also she loved blueberries as much as I love strawberries. We both were musicians. She played viola and sang. She's the reason I pursue music today. Saya wanted to be a witch, but a friendly and cool one. When we had sleepovers, we would stay up all night writing stories or singing, but softly so we wouldn't wake up the rest of the household..."
Taya was talking about Saya fondly, but he wasn't crying. He had a true smile on his face.
I smiled just looking at him. I could tell that he and Saya must have been the best of friends.
"Well, I don't know about you, but all that crying made me hungry." Taya eventually said, a smile on his face. "Hold on, I'll cook us a nice meal."
My mouth was already watering at the thought of anything Taya would prepare.
"Okay!" I said, feeling more cheerful than ever. "And is there anything you think I could help with? If it doesn't involve the oven or stove, of course."
"Hm, oh! Since I have burgers in mind, how about you arrange and garnish them after I grill the patties?"
"Alright, sounds great!" I said.
With a harsh chapter in our friendship now over and behind us, Taya and I emerged even closer and as even more understanding friends than before.
NOTE: Wow. So sappy.