To the rude, anonymous, reviewer who says I should stop writing because I'm not doing it to their timetable - Get over yourself. Your reviews on my stories and others are sad and you need to grow up.

3 Years Ago

Max swallowed her shock and fear as she cuddled with Kara and Ava. Be there for them. Be present. Be a parent. Be who them and John need. John...Kara can't be an orphan, Ava needs her daddy, and...I love and need him. "Hey, Kara, your dad is good. He just needs to rest."

"I want Daddy."

Max hugged her the best she could. "I know. We need to let him sleep...like you did with me. We girls can stick together right now."

"She wanted to hurt us. Ava is a baby."

My baby, Max thought, and this girl who I adore. "And she's so lucky to have such a great big sister."

"Don't leave me."

"Never. I love you so much."

"And Daddy? You love Daddy?"

He loves me, Max thought, I know how much love he loves me...and I do love him. I do… "I do. I know it's been confusing and...your dad and me love each other."

"We're going to be a family?"

Max looked at a snoozing Ava and a tear-streaked Kara. For them. I can do this for them. If John still wants me after this. "Of course we are."

"Can I call you Mommy?"

Max hugged her tighter. "We can talk to your dad about that."

"I know I didn't come from your tummy. You're still my mommy. You love Daddy."

I do...I can love him as much as he loves me too. I can let myself, make myself...I can be a good wife. Have this family. I can be who he wants for this family. "We all love each other."

Now

Max smiled, as she cuddled with a three-year-old Ava on the couch. "Another chapter?"

"Please, Mommy?"

Max stroked her soft curls, and couldn't resist the pleading in her big brown eyes. Like her dad, Max thought, she's so smart. "Ah, okay."

"Mom?"

"Come on, Kara," Max said to her seven-year-old. "The cookies too."

Kara dove on the couch with them. "Can I read it?"

Ignoring the ache in her heart, she nodded. "Yeah. Go for it. Here...I'll get that."

"I love you, Mom. Come here, Ava."

The best kids, Max thought, and Kara is mine. She chose me to be her mom and...we're okay. Better than okay. Wrenching the door open. "Hey."

Kenny gave her a long look. "Not getting dressed today?"

Max smiled back at him, very aware of her sweats and messy ponytail. "Not yet."

"You look great. Where are the girls?"

"Reading," Max said."What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood," Kenny said. My partner and best friend, who does nothing but work and take care of her kids. I miss her. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just a hectic morning and...come in. It's messy but...come in."

Kara looked up, as Kenny followed Max inside. "Hi, Kenny. Mom, do you have to go to work?"

Max is her mom, Kenny thought, look at her kids. Her kids with Littleton, who...Max is okay. "No. I was driving by and thought...do you three want to get lunch?"

"Thai food?" Kara asked. "Please, Mom?"

Like John, Max thought, ignoring the dull ache. His favorite. "We can do that."

3 Years Ago

"No, I want to stay with Max," Kara stated. "And Ava. Max is going to be my mommy, Grandma. Let me stay!"

Maggie Littleton looked at a stricken Max. "She isn't your mother."

"Ava is my sister. Daddy loves Max. We're a family."

Max gulped, hugging Kara back. "Ava will always be your sister. I love you too."

"Max," Maggie said, looking at them. "No."

She nodded. "And we will always be friends, Kara."

"No!" Kara screamed. "I want Max, Grandma!"

Max gulped her tears back, grateful that Ava was sleeping and ignoring her own hurt. Maggie blames me...I blame me. Kara doesn't...Oh, I love this kid. "You will always have me. Whenever you need me."

"No. I want to stay. That's what Daddy wants. You're going to be my mommy. I want a mommy, I want you."

Max squeezed her tightly, forcing herself not to sob. "Your Daddy would...he would want what was best for you."

"You are."

"Max," Maggie said. "We should talk."

She nodded, murmuring in Kara's ear, as she cried against her. "We should. Kara, Sweetie? Oh, it's okay."

Now

"And you didn't have to take off your sweats."

Max smiled, as she looked back at her kids in the yard. "I get really messy with them."

"You look good."

"Right."

"Like one of those hot yoga moms."

Max groaned. "Not even close."

3 Years Ago

"John loved you."

"I loved him too. I still do," Max said, grateful that Kara cried herself out and dozed off. "I love Kara too."

"She loves you."

Max bit her lip...John died because of me. Because my ex shot him, he got a blood clot and...I need him. Kara needs him. Noelle should have shot me...John would be so much...Oh, I need him. "She is so much like her dad."

"John didn't want to raise her in Chicago."

"I know."

"She and Ava...they are my last connection to John."

John, Max thought, who...all our plans. I love him...I can't do this alone. "Mine too."

"I don't want Kara traumatized more. This is her home."

Max felt her heart stop. Can I...is she… "John made it our home here."

"With you. Kara needs you."

Now

"How about a beer?" Kenny said. "Max?"

She looked at him for a long time. "Sorry what? I zoned out."

"Beer? Pizza? Like we used to?"

"You don't have anything better to do on a Saturday night?"

"You're still my best friend."

3 Years Ago

Max inhaled John's scent from his t-shirt she slept in. The love of my life...the best man and I...how do I raise his daughters alone? Custody of Kara? Maggie giving me...what is best for her. Wiping her tears. "I miss you."

"Max?"

"Ah, come here," Max said, as Kara crawled into bed with her. "You're up early."

"I miss Daddy."

Max scooped her closer. John would know what to say and do… "Me too."

"I'm hungry."

Hearing Ava's cry, she forced herself to focus. "I think we all are. Okay. Let me get Ava, then...pancakes?"

Kara nodded, tugging on her hand. "Come on, Max."

Now

Work and kids. Shut off, Kenny thought, she threw up so many more walls and...Littleton would hate that. He loved her and...she does light up with her kids. She shut down anything else. Littleton dying, Noelle in jail, she has custody of Kara, which shocked her when his mom offered her that. She's 32 and way too young… "Max?"

She looked up from her beer. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine."

"All I want to do is live my life. I don't need a baby-sitter."

"Don't get pissy. I know you're a mom, that you have responsibilities now...I miss you. Hanging out. Max, you don't need to be miserable."

"I am not miserable."

"Is that that Littleton would want?"

"John would want his kids to be okay."

"And you. He loved you, Max."

And I jerked him around and made him wait. He died… "I loved him too. Ava won't know her dad and Kara...she lost both her parents before she turned five."

"She has you. They both do...and you're not alone."

"I want to be."

3 Years Ago

"No. I don't want to see her," Max said. "Never."

Jimmy looked at his deputy. "Max."

She killed John, I'm all alone with my daughters now and...it's my fault. "I hate her. She took...I hate her. And that's Ava, I need to feed her."

"She keeps asking for you. If you want closure."

Max held his gaze. "Closure? She killed John. I don't need anything from her. Excuse me."

Now

"You're too young. Too smart," Kenny said, just looking at her. "You're a great mom and cop. You're gorgeous. You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy."

She was happy with him. She's shutdown and… "Are you?"

"Why do you care?"

"You're my partner and best friend."

"I'm a disaster."

"Your kids are lucky to have you."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, not sure," Kenny said, combing through her ponytail as they looked at each other. "Max?"

She gulped, as his fingers trailed down her cheek. I'm so lonely, she thought, I still cry into my pillow...I miss John. I'll always miss John. I shouldn't. "Kenny?"

Tragically beautiful, he thought, she ignores the gossip about her, focuses on her kids and...I've always loved her. "It's getting late."

She gulped as he wrapped his arms around her. "What are you doing?"

"Something I've wanted to do for a long time."

Oh, Max thought, as they held onto each other. Kenny, he...the attraction was always there. I can't… "You should go."

"You sure?"

"I don't want to lose you too."

He let her go and they just looked at each other. "You never will, Max."

Damn it, she thought, I'm so lonely… Stepping closer, she kissed him.

3 Years Ago

"I'm trusting you with my granddaughters."

I'll be better for them. I'll be the best mom. "I know."

Maggie handed her back Ava. "She is beautiful. John was so excited to be a father again."

"He was the best father," Max said softly, cradling her sleeping daughter. "I love him so much. They'll know all about their dad."

"We'll revisit Kara's custody every six months."

"Okay."

"And you'll come visit next month."

"We will."

"Kara loves you."

Loving me gets people killed. No, I'll protect them. I'll make my life about them. "I love her too. She'll be happy."

Now

Kenny pulled her closer, as she whipped off her shirt and backed him into the couch. Falling on top of him, she straddled him and tossed her hair back. "Max?"

She undid his belt, and yanked his pants down. "No talking."

What is she doing, Kenny thought, as she kissed him again. "Max. Wait."

She shook her head. "Take me hard and now."

He stared as she undid her bra and sat back. Damn it, she's hot...I can't...Pulling her closer, he kissed her back, as they shed the rest of their clothes together.

Max closed her eyes as they came together on the couch. Oh, this feels good…

Max, he thought, as they began moving together. Groaning, he kissed her deeply, and she clung to him.

3 Years Ago

Jill looked at Max as she took Ava's weight and measurements. "She's doing great."

"She's a good eater and sleeper," Max said softly, looking over at a sulking Kara after her shots. We're doing okay, the three of us. "And we're going for ice cream."

"Max, wait."

"For what?"

Jill paused, watching the slight smile on her face as she settled Ava into her sling. She is so hurt still...very committed to her kids. "We should get coffee some time."

Max looked up as Kara took her hand. "Yeah. I need to go. I'll see you around."

Now

Kenny watched as Max got dressed and pulled her hair back again as he laid on the couch. That was...wow. What is she doing?

Max looked at him, trying not to feel guilty over their sex. "You should probably go. I have an early day tomorrow."

"Hold up."

She scooped up his clothes and laid them on the coffee table. "And I need to food prep for the week. I'll see you at work."

"Max, stop it. Talk to me for a minute."

"About?"

"Uh, what we just did?"

"Sex? It was great."

He took her hand and pulled her back onto the couch. "It was. I'd like to do it again."

Sex, Max thought, I can handle sex. With Kenny. "Right now?"

Damaged, he thought, take it slowly. "How about we get dinner this week?"

No, no, no, she thought, I'm not dating. I'm going to raise my kids. Not...no. "I can't."

"So what was this?"

"Sex. Great sex. Sex I needed."

"That's it?"

"I really need to food prep. You should go."

TBC