Hello everyone!

Here we are with another instalment of our story! I am pretty excited about this one as we get quite a lot of James/Lily time.

On the other side…there is some uncomfortable stuff too…Let me know how you feel about it!

N.B.: All characters and place belong to J.K. Rowling!

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Chapter 8: The one about art

Marlene, Emmeline, Lily and Alice were all nestled together in one of the beds of their dormitory. A wide range of half eaten sweets lay between them.

"Oh, it's going to be the best Christmas, I am so sure of it" was saying Marlene " I have never been happier to be James's cousin. I'm telling you ladies, spending the holidays with the Potter's is the best idea my parents have had since …ever!"

"Wait, wait…" said Alice looking confused "Are you saying you are into James?"

Emmeline and Lily tried to cover their laughter by biting on some more candy, but Marlene straight out chocked on the chocolate frog she was munching on.

"WHAT?- Are you nuts? He is my cousin!" She shouted looking horrified.

"Second cousin!" said Alice defensively "Also, it is normal for purebloods to marry among each other, we are all some type of cousins are we not?"

"That's crazy! You can't all be related!" said Lily laughing unbelievingly.

"Sure is! Ok, maybe not all purebloods, but most of us share a relative somewhere in the last 100 years. I'm almost positive that Frank is my second cousin once removed" Explained Alice.

"Really? Wow!... I mean, I knew that purebloods often marry other purebloods, but I never thought…Wow"

" Anyhow, if it is not because you are into James why are you so excited about having Christmas with the Potters?"

"Cause, Sirius lives with the Potters too" giggled Emmeline causing Marlene to grin widely.

" Indeed, he does! And I am counting on you ladies, to help me choose not only the most …visually appealing dress robes" she said with a cheeky smile "but also the best Christmas present, so that he doesn't stand a chance"

"Ohhh, you would make such a cute couple!" chimed Alice clapping eagerly "Yes, Yes! And it's perfect! This is the last Saturday we have in Hogsmade before the holidays, we can all go Christmas shopping together!"

Lily' s smile crumbled away, and she sensed the knot in her stomach return.

"I don't think I can go with you" she said quietly

"Why not?" asked Emmeline

" Well… Chris and I were talking, and he thought it would be a good idea to spend the day at Hogsmade together, you know, celebrate Christmas in advance…" she said uncomfortable.

"That sounds romantic" smiled at her Emm.

"I guess… he is going to rent one of Rosmerta's rooms, you know above the three broomsticks"

" Uuhhh" exclaimed Mar "That should be exciting! Your first time isn't it?" She asked Lily flashing her eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah" said Lily biting her lip concerned.

"Sweetie, are you ok?" asked her Emmeline

The three girls looked at her.

"Is it not something you want Lils?" finally asked her Alice

Lily looked at her. Her face twisted with worry.

"I'm not sure…" she finally said "I mean, Chris really wants to, and we have been going out for a few months now, it's the obvious step forward isn't it?"

"Sweetie" said Marlene shaking her head and making a tststs noise "There is no step you should take unless you, and by you I mean you, Lily, not Christopher, feels like taking it."

"She is right. You shouldn't do anything because he wants you to" added Emm.

"I know, but, we have been going out since the beginning of the year. How many guys have you slept with since then Marl?"

"That's not the point Lils. It's not about how many I have slept with - five by the way" she said with a wink "It's about how many I have slept without wanting to 100%. And that is zero. And it will always remain zero." She said. Then she added. "Look, sex is different for everyone. My first time was a summer fling, I have never had a long-term relationship, because I have never liked anyone enough to put in the effort. For me sex is just something nice, but without much meaning behind it. But ask Alice, for her is completely different" She said nodding towards Alice with her head.

"It's true " she said "Me and Frank have been going out for what….three years now? He has spent two summers in my house, but it wasn't until this last august that we…well, that we went all the way. And believe me when I say, it wasn't just sex for me."

"See?" asked Marlene "It's different for everyone, and the only thing that matters is that you feel comfortable when it happens and with the person it happens. Doesn't matter if it is a one-night stand or a 10 year-long relationship"

Lily looked at the other two, and they both nodded.

"Lily," asked Emmeline carefully "Have you thought that maybe… well maybe, Christopher is mmmh, how to say…"

"Is being a pushy prick?" finished Marlene for her.

Emmeline shot her a sharp look, but Alice laughed. Marlene was like that. Always blunt and to the point. Sometimes without an ounce of sensitivity, but always one hundred percent honest and straight-forward. Lily hated and loved that about her in equal amounts.

"I mean" continued Marlene ignoring Emmeline completely " He may be good-looking and smart and all you want, but he doesn't treat you very well, does he?"

"What do you mean?" Asked Lily taken aback.

Emmeline put her hand on Marlene's arm, before she could continue talking.

"I think, what Marls is trying to say, is that lately he has been a little short with you, you know? Like yesterday lunch, he didn't really ask you when to meet. He …well… it sounded like he was ordering you. And now he seems to be pushing you to do something you don't feel ready or comfortable for" She gave Lily a small smile and added "That is, of course, only what we see, from the outside. And we don't see much, because, he never joins your group of friends, does he? No matter how many times you invite him. So, all this is based, on what we have seen and what you tell us. At the end of the day only you know how he behaves when you are both in private…we are just, concerned and don't want you to get hurt, so…think about it" said Emmeline giving her the smallest of smiles.

Lily bit her lip and nodded slowly. She appreciated her friends concern and advice, but that didn't mean that it was nice to hear.

Sensing that Lily needed some time to process all that, Emmeline changed the topic of conversation towards Alice's holiday plans. Apparently, she was spending Christmas with Franks mother. And Mrs. Longbottom was a natural force to be reckon with. She was positively terrified.

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As the week went by, and Friday came and went, Lily got more and more nervous. The knot in her stomach seemed to have grown and now it was permanently there, taking her appetite away and on occasion, when she was not busy with classes, homework or prefect duty, even causing her a sharp pain in the stomach.

Feeling too nervous to join in any conversation and having finished all her assignment she decided to distract herself, with something that always gave her peace of mind. She run upstairs, and after rummaging through her trunk she pulled a box of watercolours and her old drawing block.

Back downstairs, huddled in a corner of the common room she flicked through her drawings thinking about what to paint. They were mostly landscapes, places she had visited on holiday with her family, her garden back home, that little pond near her house. As she passed the pages, she saw how her drawings became more lively. There was a painting of a Hippogriff, Hagrid's little house, with him rummaging through his pumpkin patch, a portrait of her mum, a drawing of Marlene, Emmeline and her sitting by the fire in the common room…

"You are very good" startled her a voice from behind.

As she turned, she saw James Potter standing next to her, leaning slightly over her shoulder to have a better look at the block

"Didn't mean to pry" he said quickly "Left my jumper here"

"Oh! Sorry!" Said Lily, getting up and handling him the red and gold jumper with 'POTTER' written on it.

"No problem" he turned to leave, but then thought better "How long did it take you to draw like that?" he asked

Lily looked at him. He was changing his weight from one foot to the other and seemed a bit nervous? No, she must be reading him incorrectly.

" I started when I was eleven. About when I found out I was coming to Hogwarts."

"So you have been drawing only for five years?"

"On and off…it's not something I do on a regular basis. Don't have the time. It's mostly a way to relax"

"It looks way too complicated to be relaxing" He said thoughtfully, running his hand through his hair "I mean, those are incredibly detailed, they look so…alive"

James saw how a little bit of pink raising on Lily's cheeks. It was adorable. She pushed a lose strand of her bun, and moved it behind her ear.

"Thank you" she smiled "I guess everyone finds different things relaxing. I just like how I can pour all my attention to the drawing, leave mi mind completely empty of any other thought. It's nice, especially when there is something stressing you out"

"I know what you mean" He had to make a conscience effort not to ask about was 'stressing her out', knowing that it probably wasn't something she would like to discuss with him "That's how flying makes me feel. That's why I enjoy it so much."

Lily smiled and bit her tongue. It was a little bit too easy to mention that it was obvious to her that him 'emptying his mind' didn't seem something he would need to get on a broom to do. It was his natural state, right? …Be nice, she reminded herself.

"So, what are you going to draw tonight?"

"I actually don't know" She looked around "I was just trying to find something worthy of drawing. But everyone is moving around, I'm not very good at drawing from memory or my imagination from that matter"

"Well, I don't know how worthy of a drawing I am, but you could try me if you want" He said hesitantly.

She looked at him with an expression he could not understand, and fearing having gone in the wrong direction, he backed out, clumsily.

"Just kidding" idiot.

"No, no, that would be great!" She said smiling at him "It's just it may take a while and I don't want to make you stay still for half an hour just so I can draw"

"Hmmm… How about I just sit here, in front you and read my book…being very, very still"

She smiled hesitantly. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I was going to read anyways. It doesn't matter to me where I am sitting to do so"

Saying this, James dragged a cosy arm-chair and flung himself over it, letting his legs dangle over one of the armrests, while using the other the ear of the chair as a head rest.

"Is this good?" He asked looking at her and opening his book.

She contained a chuckle. "That's perfect"

Lily shuffled in her chair and opened her block to a new page, with a small intake of air she grasped the pencil and started sketching him.

James was a good model. He barely moved, except for the occasional swing of his legs. She had never payed attention to it before, but he was quite handsome, with his messy black hair, and the smallest shadow of a stubble growing on his cheeks, framing his face. His eyes, despite being covered by round glasses, reflected the colour of the fire from the fireplace. Lily shook her head, trying to clear it, and moved onto drawing his arms. It was quite impressive how tight the jumper sat on them hinting at the muscle beneath it. Shaking her head again, Lily focused on sketching the book he was holding, then frowned.

"What are you reading?"

James lifted his eyes from the page and looked at her. "Quidditch through the Ages"

"Hmmm…" her frown deepened. "Quidditch through the Ages is not that thick" she said nonchalant.

"You've read Quidditch through the Ages?" He asked raising a brow.

"Well, being muggle-born, I thought it would be nice to have some insight into the most popular magic sport you know?" she shrugged "But I don't remember it being that long"

James moved nervously in the chair and without saying anything else lifted the paper cover of the book, revealing a bound copy of a different colour.

Lily tilted her head in order to read the title "Positive ..Leadership and …Team-building..Techniques" she mumbled and looked up at him questioningly.

"Want to make sure I do a good job as captain" he shrugged and slid the fake cover back on. Lily was looking at him with what he interpreted as surprise and wonder. So he elaborated "There are plenty of books on quidditch techniques and such, but not much on how to encourage a team spirit. The lady at the shop said that many business owners and football coaches (?) read books like this to get a better idea on how to help people work better together"

"Wait. You bought that book from a muggle store?"

"Well, we may not share the same sports, but muggles behave and respond to the same way we do, don't they? Minus the magic, of course" He couldn't understand why she was giving him that surprised look anymore.

"Not many wizards think that way" she said slowly

"Well, just because wizards are prone to having a god complex, doesn't mean they are better than the rest, no?"

She smiled "I thought you were supposed to be arrogant"

"Well" he responded to her smile "It comes and goes"

He could see her smile widen before she returned to her drawing.

It took her another quarter of an hour to finish up her sketch.

"You can move now"

"You done? That was fast! Can I see?" he put the book down and leaned forward to look at the drawing.

"No!" Lily hurriedly pressed the sketch to her stomach, hiding it from view. "It's not finished. I just finished the pencil part. Now I will do the watercolours. You just don't have to be posing for that."

"Oh" he sat back and opened his book again resuming his posture "I will stay, wouldn't want you to get my eyes the wrong colour or anything like that"

Lily rolled her eyes at him and opened her box of watercolours.

It was well past midnight when she finished with a satisfied sigh. Putting the brush down.

"Can I look now?"

"I guess…" She felt a bit nervous. She knew she wasn't bad at drawing, but portraits were tricky, specially cause people didn't always see each other the same way. When you drew someone, she felt that you drew more than their physical appearance. She felt her drawings reflected to some degree what she knew about the person and how she felt about them. She looked back at the drawing of James before showing it to him, trying to see what she had reflected of him. She surprised herself. The young man she had painted, for it was a young man and not a boy, was handsome and carefree, but there was something deep in his expression, certain…sophistication she hadn't thought of ever detecting in him before. Hmmm where did that come from?

"That's…that is incredible Lily. You truly are amazing" he said without looking away from her drawing "at this" he added in haste.

"You really like it?"

"Like it? You crazy? I love it!"

Lily smiled at him and biting her lip tore the drawing from the block "For you then"

James looked at her, then smiling at the drawing "Really?"

"it's the least after forcing you to pose for hours"

"Will you sign it? Artists always signed their work"

Lily chuckled "I wouldn't call myself an artist, but sure."

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Her and Christopher were walking down the main street of Hogsmade, tightly wrapped in their cloaks and with their faces buried in their scarves to avoid the icy wind, that these days seemed to blow at all times. They hurried along to reach the three broomsticks. Once inside, Christopher gave her a cheeky grin unwrapping his face.

"I'm just going to talk to Madam Rosmerta about a room"

"Wait" Lily pulled his arm, stopping him "Shall we, maybe have a drink first?"

Christopher looked at her frowning. "A drink?"

"You know, to warm up from the cold outside. I'm freezing"

"Baby, believe me, I will warm you up much faster in the room" He leaned and kissed her neck.

"Chris, please" Lily was biting her lip now, regretting her poor choice of words. The knot in her stomach had reappeared as soon as she had left James in the common room yesterday. She hadn't been able to sleep, turning and tossing, trying to decide what to do. It had taken her a few days to admit to herself that she didn't want the same thing as Christopher. She just didn't feel comfortable enough, didn't know why but it felt wrong, and terrifying. From then on, she had been fearing this moment trying to come to terms with what was going to happen. Emmeline's words resonated in her head, battling with how much she knew Chris wanted this. She knew he was getting impatient. It wasn't until this very moment, when her hands started sweating and she felt slightly nauseous that she knew she wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"Fine, then." He snapped at her "One drink."

They were sitting on a table in the corner, Christopher had gulped his butterbeer in a few quick sips and was tapping his fingers impatiently on the table. Lily braced herself.

"Chris" she said, her voice trembling, not daring to look at him "I don't think I can do this"

The finger tapping stopped.

"What do you mean you don't think you can do this?"

Lily winced "I just need some more time" She looked up at him, just to find him scowling at her.

"You need more time" he repeated.

He had his jaw clenched, an annoyed frown on his lips.

" I'm sorry Chris, I just don't feel this is the right time" she muttered.

"You are sorry. You are sorry? …You know I am little bit tired of all this. I have been plenty patient with you." He was raising his voice with each sentence "First, you were not ready. I waited. Then you wanted it to be special. I said, ok, let's get a room at Hogsmade and now, when we are here, you change your mind again and say you need more time." He glared at her, while tapping his foot "Do you enjoy toying with me? I don't know…Do you actually want to be my girlfriend Lily? Because it sure doesn't seem so. There are plenty of other girls that would like to be in your place…"

Lily looked down, each of his words hitting her like a punch to the gut. She could feel tears forming in her eyes.

He shook his head getting up.

"I'm tired of this. Call me when you figure yourself out"

He walked out of the Three broomsticks, not giving her a second look. The door slammed behind him.

Lily didn't know how long she sat at the table, staring down at her empty mug of Butterbeer, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

She tried to pull herself together but didn't seem to have the strength for it. Her mind kept rewinding through Christopher's words over and over again. I've been plenty patient with you…Are you toying with me? She was struggling to process it all. He had been so angry with her. Two parts of her were having an internal argument. It's all my fault, I'm being so silly about this. What's the big deal after all? One of them said, and whenever it did, she really just wanted to get up and run after Christopher, tell him it all had been a misunderstanding and that she was ready now. But then, another part of her, one that sounded a little bit angry pushed He should respect your more. He should not be pushing you into anything. He has no right to be angry with you.

The two voices kept going on repeat in her head, pulling her in either direction and making her feel worse than ever.

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"Lily?"

James tilted his head trying to see her face under the forest of red hair, wondering what she was doing sitting in a corner by herself. As she looked up he saw the still wet paths of tears that had run down her cheeks. Her beautiful green eyes were vacant. His heart gave a tug when he saw a new teardrop form and make its way down her cheek. She stared at him and quickly wiped her face dry.

"Hey!" She said giving him a fake smile

James tried hard to hide his worry and pretend he hadn't seen her cry.

"Meeting someone here?"

She shook her head.

"Do you mind if I sit?"

She shook her head again.

"I'm just going to get a butterbeer" he said leaving the heap of bags he was carrying in the chair. She nodded.

James decided to take his time ordering, to give Lily some time.

When he came back, he put a mug in front of her and smiled "Saw you were running low"

They both drank in silence for a while. James was wrecking his brain, thinking on what to say to her, if he should say anything that is. Maybe it was best to keep quiet. He knew he had a tendency of putting his foot in his mouth.

Suddenly Lily looked around and a small frown appeared on her face. "Where are the others?"

"The guys? -Oh, I guess somewhere around the shops, or maybe they have already headed back to the castle."

She gave him an inquisitive look, inviting him to elaborate.

"We agreed to do the Christmas shopping separately this year. No bloody way to buy something for Padfoot otherwise. I mean, I don't think we have spent a day apart in the last three years - no, no, don't laugh, it's horrible! I don't know how half the school is not convinced we are a couple. I mean, fair enough...he dates a lot, so that is something. I guess I don't do too bad myself" he added seeing her half-smile, a genuine one. "Anyway, he is impossible to buy presents for. You know that I have to get him two? One, badly hidden, so he can find it early. And believe me, he will turn the house upside down if necessary. And one to be a surprise." He took a breath and continued talking fast, seeing Lily's smile widen " That's not even the worst of it. I told you decided to shop separately? Well, he followed me. Took me half an hour and two confundus charms to shake him off!"

Now she was looking at him as if not sure he was making it up...Sad thing, he wasn't.

"How about you? - Have you finished with your Christmas shopping?" He asked, thinking it an innocent enough of a question. Even though he could tell that it took her a considerable effort to start speaking.

"Yeah, I did my shopping last month. You know, I won't be able to send or receive any owls during the holidays with my sister's boyfriend at home. So I am going to give the girls their presents before leaving"

"So, you decided to go home after all?"

"Yeah" she said with a small smile "got some pretty good advice on how to reply to my sister, try to smooth things out and all. So yeah, I'm going home for Christmas"

He smiled wholeheartedly. "Good." He took the last sip of his butterbeer and then asked "So what are you getting ...Vernon was it?"

Lily wrinkled her nose, a small smile dancing on her lips.

"How can you remember his name?!"

"Common, would you be able to forget such an ugly name yourself? The only person with an uglier name is my dad, and he had to become pretty good at duelling just to make it alive through school"

"Noo, common, what is your dad's name?"
"Fleamont"

Lily choked causing some butterbeer to come out of her nose.

"Sorry" She said, coughing between chuckles. " I didn't mean...Fleamont? Really?"

He laughed easily with her. It was so good to see her smile again. It took a few moments for the laughter to die out, their eyes met. Hers bearing into his. He did not dare break the contact.

"Thank you" she said in the softest voice.

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So… I just wanted to write you a little note on Chris and Lily's relationship.

Re-reading the chapter I felt like Lily was being kinda a wuss and that she should be really done with Chris, was so close to re-writing the whole thing, however I did base their relationship (with a little bit of an exaggeration) to one of my own first relationships. And looking back I was such a dumb-ass and my boyfriend at the time the biggest jerk that needed a good slap in the face. Having said this I do think that many first teenage relationships have that sense of insecurity that is driven by that need to be loved and pushed in many occasions by peer pressure, like seeing all your friends give a step and you just not wanting to fall behind. And I hope that this is what is reflected in Lily's actions and thought, not a lack of strength or character. Just you know teenagerhood, not knowing your own worth and power yet and loads of hormones!

Thank you for reading and bearing with my ranting. Please review!