Of the many billions of human beings on this planet, I can't be unique. There must be others with similar listlessness as me. Some younger, some older. I wish we could all unite and share our methods and experiences to create the ultimate life of relaxation.

But that sounds like a lot of effort, so I'd rather not. Speaking as myself, I'd hate to rely on myself. I'd be a nuisance.

It's a good thing I was born human. If my soul had been placed into any other creature, I doubt I'd have made it too long. As soon as I realized how pointless effort was, I'd probably just roll over and die.

Case and point, I'm in the nurse's office right now. Saved by a kind Samaritan who pitied me. Well, saved might be a bit too strong of a word, but yeah. I rely on others on a daily basis.

I'm forever a hitchhiker with my thumb out, waiting for someone to pick me up. But I don't mind. If anything, it's extremely relaxing to be responsible for nothing.

Sprawling my arms and legs out to the four corners of the cot, I let myself enjoy consistent temperature that comes with an air-conditioned room. I suspect I have approximately two hours until I am forced back into the classroom.

And I'll be damned if I don't make the most out of them.

Something was pulling me from my peaceful bliss. The vast green fields basked in sunlight that I resided in were starting to crumble away in front of my eyes. What took its place was a voice, commanding me. I'm sorry, but I'll have to politely refus—

Just as I has decided to go against the voice, it repeated itself, accompanied with the shaking of my world.

As I felt myself being yanked from my dream state, I fought back.

"Just five more minutes, Mom."

"W-wha!? I ain't your damn Mom!"

Oh.

Forcing my eyes open, I was greeted by emerald green eyes staring back down at me. Slowly looking around, it all came back to me. The accident this morning, and the assailant.

"Sorry" I replied, pushing myself upright.

In response, blondie flipped one of her drills over her shoulder.

"W-whatever. Are you okay? You seem awfully lethargic."

Stretching my limbs out as far as they'd go, I let the tension build, then fall. Plopping my arms back down into my lap, I looked back over to…

… what's her name again? She never actually told me. Something with an M, I think. M... M… M… Mom will do, I guess.

"I'm always like this. No need to worry" I answered simply.

Mom looked at me doubtfully but said nothing.

"So, why are you here?" I asked.

"Hah!? Of course I'd be here to check up on you. It's my duty" Mom replied, emphasizing her point with a step forward.

Oi. Word choice. That's a loaded sentence.

"You don't need to worry about me. It was an accident, so it's not your fault."

"Tch. It's not like I can really just forget about it though, can I? I'm still the one that pushed you."

Then, she reached out her arm, palm beckoning me closer.

Understanding what she wanted, I shuffled my body closer to the edge of the cot and leaned over to give her access. Almost immediately, I felt her hands make contact with my hair as she checked the back of my head.

She swept my hair to one direction, then to the opposite. Then she parted my hair at multiple places, looking for any signs of injury. Upon finishing checking every square centimeter, she returned to sweeping. Again. Then, parting, again. Her hands went in every direction, and I won't deny that it was a nice feeling.

Wait, isn't she just petting me at this point?

"Um, Mom, what are you doing?"

"Nothing!" she responded, jumping back "And I have a name, you know!"

To her outburst, I just shrugged.

"I know" I didn't "But you're so much like a Mom that I can't help myself."

Nice save, Hachiman.

Hearing no response from her, I looked up to gauge her reaction. Her face was red, as I expected. But, instead of angry, it looked more like she was… embarrassed?

Eh? She has no right being that cute. It doesn't fit with her persona.

Unfortunately, I had no time to enjoy the sight, as she turned on her heel the instant I looked up.

"W-whatever! Let's just get going."

Ehh? I don't really want to… but it might be for the best. The more classes I miss, the more work I might have to make up.

"Wait, Mom."

Hearing my rude substitute for a name, I saw her jump.

Sorry… but it got your attention, so...

"I, uh, still need to get checked by the nurse before I can go."

After being cleared by the nurse, we made our way silently through the halls. Second period had already started, and it seemed retrieving me ended up making us both late.

Sorry, once again, Mom.

Once we did finally make it to the door, I reached out and poked Mom on the shoulder.

"You go in first. I'll come in after a minute" I said once she turned around.

"Eh? Why?"

"Going in with you would draw a lot of attention. Even more than just coming in late. People would start asking questions."

"Eh, they'd forget about it soon enough. What's the worst that can happen?"

Ugh. Oblivious, aren't we?

"Let me put it this way. A boy and a girl are both missing both break, and the first ten minutes of class. Then, they walk in together. I wonder what they might have been doing."

I watched Mom's face take on an expression of confusion, then an expression of realization, accompanied by a crimson blush.

"W-wha!?"

"On second thought, I'll go in first. We can't have you going in there when you're red as a tomato. That'd make the rumors even worse."

Trying to ignore the way her jaw dropped to my words, I slipped by her as I opened the door and made my way into the room as discretely as possible.

A combination of the fact that I had a weak presence, and that the classroom's occupants were all busy discussing a worksheet in groups, and it seems like I got in without many people noticing. The math teacher was too preoccupied helping a group with his back to me turned to notice my entrance. In fact, I only saw one set of eyes look at me.

The set of eyes being brown and belonging to one Yui Yuigahama. Her gaze snapped onto me instantly and tracked me with pinpoint accuracy. Putting my head down and sneaking my way to my desk, I tried my best to ignore the lasers that were being burned through me.

Since when had Yuigahama been so aware of me? Has my 'Stealthy Hikki' skill gone down in effectiveness? Or…

… Ah, whatever. No point in thinking about it now.

Upon finally reaching my destination, I slid open the door and shuffled my way in.

"Yo" I said without looking up, focused only on making it to my chair. Upon completion of the final stretch, I dropped my bag on the floor and sunk into the chair victoriously. It was objectively uncomfortable as far as chairs go, but worlds better than walking or standing.

"Hello, Hikigaya-kun."

Sparing the Ice Queen herself a brief glance, I was surprised to see that her gaze was alright on me. I expected her to be nose-deep into a book, or something.

Instead, our gazes met and locked.

Which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean that I'm immune to emotion. As a healthy teenage boy, I can't help but feel odd when a pretty girl is staring me down.

And yet, I didn't break away. I kept my eyes on hers, searching for a clue to her odd behavior within her dilated pupils.

Dilated pupils!?

Ahaha, that reminds me. In middle school, I read some generic guide to determining whether a girl likes you. One of the signs was dilated pupils…

… but then again, pupils get dilated for a number of reasons. If anything, that tip does nothing more than throw off the results.

Ask me how I know.

"Would you care for some tea?" Yukinoshita asked politely, looking away, and breaking me from my thoughts.

I have won this staring contest! But at what cost…

"A-ah, yes, please."

As Yukinoshita stood up to go make tea, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Being around a proper lady like her is exhausting on my subconscious.

Especially when she's acting more like Yuigahama and starin—

The opening of the room's door drew my attention, revealing a familiar pink bun.

Speak of the devil…

"Yahello!" greeted Yuigahama as she practically skipped her way over towards the table. Well, I say the table, but it looks more like she's coming right for me…

… oh, she is.

"Why'd you leave the classroom without me, Hikki!?" Yuigahama asked, only a step away from me.

Eh? Had we agreed to walk together?

Searching archives… gimme a sec… nope, nothing. I don't recall making such a promise.

I didn't. I definitely didn't. Did I? Hmm… just to be safe…

"U-uh, I'll… wait for you next time?"

I guess?

Seemingly satisfied, in fact, seeming extremely satisfied with my answer, Yuigahama beamed me a happy smile as she went around me and to her seat.

"Hello, Yuigahama. Would you like some tea?" Yukinoshita greeted from her position by the tea maker.

"Mmm. Yup! Thanks, Yukinon!" Yuigahama responded, redirecting her beams of energy towards our club president.

How she manages to keep up that energy level throughout the day leaves my dumbfounded. She uses my allotted amount of daily energy every minute.

Sprawling out onto the table, I let myself bask in her energy rays. If she was the sun, I was but an insignificant plant, soaking in the rays.

With the picture-perfect princess and supercharged atom here, I felt I could simply rest and melt into the backgrou—

"So, Hikki. Where were you this morning? Oh, and why did you come back with Yumiko?" Yuigahama threw out, her tone sounding odd to my ears.

Or not…

God damn, mnorsyafiq92. I don't know how you did it, or if you did it on purpose, but what a prediction! I was writing up that exact "just five more minutes, Mom" scene right when you reviewed.