Thanks for the reviews! I've had some problems updating recently but I hope it's fixed now. Bit of a shorter chapter but I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 6

Grey

11th December 1997

After several weeks of very little activity or proper news from anyone, it looked like monotony was going to overwhelm their lives once more. Neither of them were made to stay in hiding and do nothing during difficult times, and this feeling of helplessness was heightened further by the fact that they could not even see their friends properly anymore. With the Ministry now tracking the Weasleys' every move, the family had deemed it unsafe to meet up as a group, and although Fred and George were still sending them regular updates via their communicoins, it just wasn't the same as spending an evening laughing and joking together.

Tonks in particular felt frustrated. She knew that Remus wished they could do more to help the Order as well, but Remus was more patient than she was, more accepting of the need to wait and bide their time. Patience had never been one of her great virtues, and she was used to fighting, being in the thrill of the chase, the heart of the action. As a result, her mood was becoming more erratic with every passing day spent cooped up inside.

She did her best to keep on top of it, knowing that the spikes in irritation were being exacerbated by her pregnancy and that picking fights with her favourite (not to mention only) companion was hardly to be advised in the current climate. But try as she might, she couldn't help getting snappy with Remus, and then feeling guilty about it, which made her even more irritable, and so the cycle continued. Remus, to give him his due, managed to deflect her biting comments with well-placed jokes and calm conversation, often succeeding in cheering her up temporarily. Nevertheless, their mood was still low, worsened by grey, dreary skies, ever darkening evenings and the colder, wetter weather, not to mention the approach of the mid-winter full moon. Worst of all was the grim news of the war that trickled into them daily from various sources, and the terrible knowledge that they could never be sure what news was real and what was not.

Then, just as it felt like they really were reaching an all-time low, a way to help the Order without fighting finally came about.

Tonks was sitting on the sofa one afternoon flipping irritably through The Quibbler and Remus, not feeling very cheerful either, was unnecessarily rearranging some books on a shelf just for something to do, when the silver lynx appeared in their sitting room.

"Can I come over tomorrow? I have a proposition for you."

Tonks looked eager, much more animated than she had in a long time, as she hurriedly sent the confirmation in return.

"I wonder what he wants! Don't worry-" she added, seeing that Remus was looking wary. "If it's anything too dangerous then I'll say no. But I don't think it will be!" She grinned suddenly. "Remember Kingsley's face when you told him I was pregnant! I've never seen him look so terrified, and we've worked together in the Auror department for five years!"

Glad they were now able to joke about the argument, Remus laughed too, and they spent the evening speculating what Kingsley's proposition could be. He arrived on the dot at eleven o'clock the next day and looked a little apprehensively at Tonks as Remus led him into the sitting room.

"I'm not going to bite your head off," she assured him cheerfully. "I'm sorry about last time. Just…hormones… you know…"

"But she's the only one who's allowed to use that excuse," Remus chipped in as he closed the door. His amused face contradicted his tone of voice. "Or the red, spiky hair will make a reappearance."

His wife, her eyes large and brown and her hair in soft, honey-coloured ponytail, smiled placidly up at them. Lounging on the sofa, wearing an oversized Hufflepuff sweatshirt and eating a bowl of cold apple crumble, left over from the night before, she certainly looked far less formidable than she had the last time Kingsley had seen her.

Kingsley chuckled too.

"Well, I'm glad everything's ok!"

Without further preamble he sat down on the sofa and eyed them both intently.

"I have a proposal for you. It's Order work, and it's not danger free, so of course you can say no if you don't feel comfortable, but it shouldn't, unless we are very unlucky, involve any fighting."

They both sat up with interest.

"We're setting up a news broadcast, to tell the public as much truthful knowledge as we can about what's going on in the war," Kingsley went on. "The real facts. The hard truth. The things that the Ministry are ignoring or downright lying about. And we want as many trustworthy people involved as we can get. I'd have been in touch about it sooner, but we've been working out a lot of the finer details and didn't want too many people to know until then."

"Who's we?"

"Well, Lee Jordan - you at least Remus, will remember him from when you taught at Hogwarts - has the equipment, and is keen to be the host of the broadcast. The Weasley twins, naturally, want to be involved – they were the ones who put me in touch with Lee in the first place - and they have been contacting a select few old school friends who they are sure they can trust. I'm doing the same with the Order."

Tonks was already looking excited as Kingsley continued.

"For a lot of people being involved might just mean passing on the news for us to broadcast. There probably won't be that many people willing to be on the live show, given that it is highly illegal, but I thought you two might like the challenge."

"Definitely!" Tonks said. Remus agreed too, although he still looked a tad uneasy.

"We'll be setting up secure locations," Kingsley added, seeing his face. "And changing them regularly. As I said, it isn't danger free, but when is Order work ever danger free? But we will have exit strategies and back up plans, and I think we've worked out the best way of proceeding as safely as we possibly can."

Remus nodded again with more enthusiasm, feeling reassured. It would feel so good to be doing something. "How will you get the news, though?" he asked. "It's pretty difficult to work out what's really going on at the moment!"

"We have managed to get people involved as far down as Cornwall and as far north as Glasgow," Kingsley replied. "Then we've got Dedalus over in Kent, of course. Everyone we recruit will be keeping their eyes and ears open for news and reporting it to us. Fred and George are also getting updates from Ginny at Hogwarts and are trying to get a few more people involved up north. I think they've already shown you their enchanted coins?" Remus and Tonks both nodded. "That's how we will contact each other to get updates on what is happening."

"And they're safe enough to use for something as serious as this?"

"I was sceptical at first," Kingsley acknowledged. "But I've had a good look at them, and they seem pretty secure to me, and of course they are ideal for those who can't cast a patronus. Much less complex and if anything less risky, as only the intended recipient can see what is written."

"And have you done any broadcasts already?" Tonks asked.

"Only done a couple of tests so far, but it seems that people are tuning in, and we hope to make them more frequent as the weeks go on."

"Well, we're in!" Tonks said at once. "When do we start?"

Kingsley grinned at her enthusiasm. "Actually, we've managed to secure a location for Sunday evening. I know it's short notice but if you want to join us then…"

He tailed off as Remus and Tonks both automatically slid their eyes towards the lunar chart that hung on the wall, their expressions suddenly sombre.

"Full moon, of course," Kingsley grimaced. "I'm so sorry Remus, I know it can't be easy that everyone else can forget it just like that."

Remus waved away the unnecessary apology.

"Well, the next one then?" Kingsley asked. "Should be only a few days later. If you can, tune into the one on Sunday – it will be early evening - then you can hear the sort of thing were going for. I'll note down the details for you."

Being a werewolf really did ruin everything, Remus though gloomily, but he fixed the smile on his face anyway as Kingsley scribbled a couple of notes on an old bit of parchment.

Tonks beamed at him once Kingsley had left, after promising to be back in touch in a few days. "This should be great!" she said in delight. "Actually doing something… not just sitting here in hiding feeling completely useless."

"I know!" Remus agreed. "Although I wish we could do this coming one."

Tonks just nodded in sympathy. "But it can't be helped, and anyway, it will be good to listen and see what it's like. Don't want to sound like complete idiots on our first one, do we? And speaking of the full moon, you should take your potion."

They went through into the kitchen, where the little cauldron sat bubbling away in the corner. Tonks pulled some leaves off the plant that sat on the windowsill and, stirring carefully, added them to the surface of the potion.

"Fifteen minutes exactly," she said.

He nodded, grateful, as he always was at this time of the month, that she was such a competent potion brewer, capable of making Wolfsbane to just as higher standard as Snape had done, but of course without the added dose of sarcastic comments that he had endured throughout his year at Hogwarts. The ready-made potion, formerly obtainable from St Mungo's, was now impossible to get anywhere, even if they could have afforded the exorbitant cost of it.

In the year following Remus's resignation from Hogwarts, most of the savings from his salary had gone on purchasing the potion for himself every month from the wizarding hospital. After months of full moon nights spent curled up in his office, calm and pain free, before waking up feeling a little sick and groggy, but otherwise fine, he just hadn't been able to bear the thought of going back to his agonising and solitary transformations. He had ordered it from St Mungo's every month and kept them at bay, and had deemed it worth the expense while he had the gold. But due to its need to be brewed fresh and taken for seven days out of every month, the cost of buying it ready-made was simply not sustainable for someone who couldn't hold down a job, and as potions had by far been his worst subject at school he had no hope of making it for himself. Even with heavy concessions in every other area of his expenditure, the money had lasted just over a year, enough for fourteen pain-free full moons. Knowing that it wouldn't stretch to a fifteenth and still allow him to feed himself, he had been about to admit defeat and return to his transformations of old. Sirius, of course, had had other ideas about this.

"I'm sorry, what?" Sirius asked his friend, his face twisted in confusion, one early autumn evening.

"I just won't be here the night of the full moon, that's all."

"But why?"

"Well, you know I'll be on that mission up in Newcastle from this weekend, and travelling is always more difficult and more tiring on the day of the full moon, so I just figured I'd stay somewhere up there for an extra night... Just so I don't accidentally apparate myself somewhere unwanted."

Sirius eyed him, his usual shrewd stare as x-ray like as ever.

"So just ask someone else to take your place on the mission, or come back a couple of days early. You've been doing loads lately, Remus, and people will understand. And the full moon's not until the end of next week. That's plenty of time to get someone to take your place!"

"I'll be fine."

"Well, get someone to do side along for returning then, just to make sure you don't end up in the wrong place. You're great at apparition, anyway. You got even better marks than me and James on your test. You won't need much guidance just to make sure you get back here safely. And Hestia's going to Newcastle as well, I know you don't mind speaking to her about-"

"I'll be fine." Remus repeated curtly. "I'd just rather stay overnight, that's all."

But Sirius's eyes were narrowed in suspicion. Remus was wishing he had left this plan as a last-minute surprise when there was nothing that could be done about it. Which he almost had. Except that he'd had a nagging worry that Sirius would just throw caution to the winds if he received a message saying that Remus was unwell and unable to apparate home from a mission on the night of the full moon, and leave the house to come and help him. Getting Sirius to swallow a casually delivered cover story in plenty of time had seemed like the sensible option. He should, of course, have known better.

"You're not planning on staying in Newcastle, are you?" Sirius said quietly. "You're planning on going back to your parents' old house, like you used to…"

Remus kept his face blank, but he couldn't hold Sirius's gaze. Sirius had always been able to read him as easily as the newspaper that lay on the table in front of them.

"You can't afford Wolfsbane this month," Sirius finished. It wasn't a question.

Remus swallowed then relented. "No," he admitted. "I can't."

"Bloody hell, Remus, why didn't you just say? I'll give you money for the potion."

"Absolutely not."

"But -"

"No."

"For God's sake!"

"You know I'm not going to back down on this Padfoot."

Sirius's eyes were flinty. "Well, Moony. This time, you're just going to have to back down. Because fuck are you going to go to an abandoned old house in the middle of nowhere, to spend an agonising transformation all on your own, inflicting god knows what injuries on yourself, when you could be upstairs in your room, comfortable and safe and completely harmless, ready for me to come and check you're ok in the morning."

"I'll be fine."

"I have an absolute ton of gold in my vault at Gringotts that I can't go out and spend even if there were things I wanted to buy with it, which there aren't," Sirius scowled at him. "You're taking the money you need for the potion and you're going to order it from St Mungo's today."

"No, Sirius, I'm not." Remus glared right back at him.

For a second Sirius's eyes blazed, then he just shrugged, picking up the newspaper and opening it as he replied.

"Very well, I'll go to St Mungo's myself. Tonks can come with me – a pet dog needs an owner after all. We'll order it in person, and it'll be ready for you to take in two days' time."

Remus looked stonily back, his expression unchanged. But he had been outplayed. He didn't think that Sirius would really set out to St Mungo's. Despite his annoyance at Dumbledore and his disgust of the house that he'd grown up in, he was staying inside as promised, for Harry's sake. But he almost certainly would tell Tonks, and that was a humiliation that Remus definitely didn't want to have to deal with, not with his ever-evolving feelings towards his best friend's younger cousin. Not to mention the fact that having one member of the Black family on his case was quite enough for the time being.

He screwed up his forehead, trying to think of a third solution, before admitting defeat. "Ok," he said, at last. "Ok."

"Good." Sirius did not even look up from the paper.

"Thanks, Padfoot," Remus added quietly. "I really appreciate it. Honestly."

Sirius merely rolled his eyes.

So, Remus had continued to take Wolfsbane throughout that year, any guilt he felt at accepting charity eclipsed by the glorious lack of pain and discomfort every full moon. And after Sirius's death, just as going back to his lonely transformations in the ruined rooms of his parents' old house had seemed inevitable, Dumbledore had taken him aside and explained that the Order really needed a spy among the werewolves, and Remus had immediately thrown himself into the task. As a spy, there had been no need for Wolfsbane at all, and cuts and bruises after a transformation had been the least of his worries. The fact that he hadn't bitten anyone and infected someone else with the beastly affliction during that terrible time was down to luck more than anything else.

When he had finally come around and admitted his feelings for Dora, and the two of them had embarked on a proper, committed relationship, Tonks had started making the potion for him herself. The ingredients were far less costly than the ready-made potion and, although it was a time consuming and fiddly process, Tonks had assured him that she was more than up to the task of making it. "Even Snape couldn't find much to criticise in my potion making at school Remus. Believe me, I know what I'm doing."

At first Remus had protested - more out of habit than anything - that he was not worried about that, but that she should not go to so much effort and trouble just for him. Tonks had rolled her eyes and ignored him, and, as always, he had accepted defeat. He had already learnt that if Nymphadora Tonks wanted something, she was most likely to get it in the end, so like her cousin in that regard. And so she continued to make it for him like clockwork every month, and the relief that he could stay safely in the house every month on the night of the full moon was sometimes indescribable, when he thought of what the alternatives would be.

He watched her now with deep affection as she carefully watered the plant on the windowsill. Its black leaves quivered slightly as she did so. Moonwort, a key ingredient in Wolfsbane, had been the trickiest thing to source, as it needed to be added to the potion fresh every day in the run up to the full moon, and was an extremely delicate plant to cultivate. Apothecaries were running lower and lower as the miserable, damp climate killed their live stock of it, but luckily, they had managed to obtain a whole bag of seeds just before moving into the new house. Tonks tended to the plant very carefully every day and in the relatively mild climate of southern England, with Tonks's assiduous care, it was doing fine.

"It's good practice, really!" she said, as she cast a quick charm to check that the moisture levels were correct. "For when I have the baby. I mean, if I can't tend to Warty properly, what chance do I have of looking after an actual live human being?"

"Warty?" Remus enquired, grinning.

"Well he's got to have a name!"

"As long as you're not suggesting calling our baby Warty. That would just be cruel, especially if they went through a spotty stage."

"Was thinking more like Bertie, actually?"

"Bertie?" Remus looked equally unimpressed.

"It's cute! And it can be for a boy or a girl."

"Ok, quite apart from the fact that Bertie for a girl is just cruel, and Bertie for a boy makes it sound like you're going to give birth to a seventy-year-old Grandad, I have just one word for you… Bott. Do you want our kid bullied senseless every time the sweet trolley goes past on the Hogwarts Express?"

"Ok! Ok! Fair point…" She stirred the potion clockwise, then anticlockwise, then pulled a final leaf off the plant and added it.

Remus wrinkled his nose as the Moonwort dissolved and turned the potion a murky shade of grey. Moonwort was what made it taste so disgusting, and it smelled almost as bad.

Tonks just smirked at his revolted face as she always did.

"Yes, well. Boy or girl, Bertie or not, our own little one will smell worse than this at times, Remus! You'd better get used to it!"