Vanessa is pushing through the darkness.
Notes: Maybe a bit fillery ?
But also a bit of police work on going here.
I hope you enjoy this chapter, I think I'll follow up very soon !
Thanks for reading.
It's a little after Noon when the pain in her wrist wakes her up.
She can't remember dreaming, it just feels like she unplugged herself for a few hours and was now put back on. She tries to sit up but quickly abandons because of a wave of nausea she was feeling, instead, she just lays there, staring at the wall in slumber, in her mind only one question echoes endlessly, Did it really happen? Every few minutes if she isn't having flashes, she kind of forgets about it. Like knowing something is wrong, but what exactly? But then it comes back to her, over and over again.
She wants to move but still can't, she needs to take some of her meds, but she is afraid of breaking her own silence, to start the day. What she really needs, she realizes is to be put under an artificial coma, in a secure ICU, and sleep it off until the bruises fade and her memories too. She doesn't want to be in this body, she doesn't know what to do with all the markings, her wrists bore the mark of the hands who were restraining her. Her thighs told the story of how he kneed her to maintain her in place to submit her, her bruised face, a testimony of him backhanding her and punching her, and her lips could still taste him from when he forced a kiss on her.
She would have thrown up if she had anything to throw up in the first place. She couldn't contemplate the thought of eating, of putting anything in her body right now, not the body she wanted to store in a place and come back later to pick up, or maybe never.
Its the vibration of her phone that ends up waking her up for real. Her sergeant is calling her.
Panic rises in her belly, she toys with the idea of not picking up now, not picking up later, not showing back up ever again, and just disappear forever.
"How are you holding up kid?" He asks when she picks up.
"I'm good sarge thank you."
"Good to hear it! Look we need you to come over to the district, I have to go through your testimony once again, the forensics for the house are here and I need you to review it with us, its gonna be a couple of hours tops, you think you can make it?"
She is completely mentally fucked up now, her mind is spinning into all stages of panic, she thought she had more time, more time to face them, the district and Voight and all of them. She feels she won't be able to hide it there, anytime anyone looks her in the eye she's afraid they're going to see it, anyone asks her a question she wants to vomit it, to tell them how she really feels to scream at the top of her lungs "I'm hurting so bad! I feel like dying! Please help me!" but she doesn't say that, she just nods to the phone.
"Rojas?"
"Hmm, yes I can...l can come over."
"There's already a patrol car at your location they can drive you up here, I'll see you soon."
and with no further adieu, he hangs up.
She trots to the window and sees a patrol car parked on the block, and her heart misses another beat.
A cop in uniform.
The room around her begins to spin, she crumbles to the floor, how is she going to face a whole building full of cops in uniform.
A cop in uniform heaving on her, holding her arms apart.
She tries to block out the memory, but it doesn't go away.
A cop in uniform restraining her against his body his dick hard against her back.
She can't breathe, she wants out of her misery. So she starts humming to herself "it's not true, it's not true, it's not true, it never happened Vanessa it's all in your head." Rocking herself back and forth, she starts to see better and breathe better, and even smile a bit, she can beat this, it's not very difficult, create an alternate reality, envision it, say it out loud, and it can set you free.
So she finally peels herself off the floor and heads for the bathroom.
She knows she should take a shower, which would be her fourth shower in 24 hours but she doesn't because there's no need to disturb her newfound resolve and peace with sights of the blue and purple skin and touch the places that hurt, so she doesn't.
She roams through Kim's clothes until she finds a pair of jeans and a turtleneck jumper, she doesn't know what to do with her hair, to pull them on a tight ponytail makes her feel more in control but it would also mean exposing her battered face a lot more.
At the same time leaving them out makes her feel very vulnerable like she is giving people more chance to grab her, but at least she can partially hide her face like that.
But soon she realizes she can't do shit with her left arm in a cast so her hair stays down, at least she can hide a bit like that.
Looking at her own reflection she sees herself without really seeing herself, there's so much shame she doesn't know where to put it, so she shrinks her real self a bit more.
She was about to sit down with one of the most seasoned cop of the city so she really should harden herself and remind herself who she was just a mere 24 hours prior to now.
There's the completely normal everyday Vanessa, who should be at work and functioning like a normal human being, and then there was the other person.
The other story she didn't need retelling, actually it was best if she doesn't try to timeline it and to fix her memories, so it will be easier to forget, she won't ever have to come back to it, its an exercise she was good at.
She doesn't let her past fuck up her present, she isn't like that, its a luxury some may have but she doesn't, she can't let the this fuck her up she needs her life to move on forward. So she doesn't try to remember. Soon she will forget his name and his face. And it won't even be lying anymore.
She just needed to make sure this was the story that sticks, and it will because people do not like drama and complication, they like stories they can live with.
Hailey didn't know how to feel when it made no more doubt that nothing was missing from their place.
Somewhere deep down she still wanted this to be about a robbery, whatever that may be, anything to make sense of this, but it was very clear nothing was missing, there was still a tiny chance he got interrupted by Vanessa and decided to go for something else... It happens, she did her schooling at Robbery-Homicide so she knew how sometimes these things can escalate to something else.
But does that makes sense here? She knew nothing of what had happened, she spent so much time thinking about protecting Vanessa's secret that she didn't even really had the time to think like a cop. What did she really know?
Someone was in her house and raped her roommate.
Was Vanessa the target? Was it about her? Was it about a case? Was it random? Did they know this person? How well did she know Vanessa's background and people?
She was touring the place for the second time, the CSU seemed closed to pack it up now, and they were basically waiting for Kim and Hailey to be done too.
"So?" Kim asked without elaborating on the question, her colleague would understand.
"Nothing... Nothing's missing, it's a bit messy but I can't think of anything that's missing."
"Hum... Ok, I guess we can pretty much eliminate the robbery scenario." Both of them were standing under the door frame, speaking in low voices so nobody could hear them.
They looked around one more time then closed the door for it to be sealed back again until further notice.
"You sure you packed enough stuff for the next days? I really don't mind how long you stay" Hailey had taken the chance to gather a weekend bag with Vanessa's stuff and hers for their stay at Kim's.
"I think we're good, I don't know when we can come back here but I think it can't be long now."
They went to check that particular information with the agent in charge, and sneak peek the broad strokes of the initial report he was putting together, but there was too few material to be discussed out there, they've taken sets of fingerprints, some swabs to collect DNA on different surfaces, and a bunch of pictures of all the entrances and windows. They'll know soon enough what they could work with.
The two women thanked them and headed towards their car.
"I have a quick stop to do at the hospital, I can drop you off at the district if you'd like"
"Hailey, said Kim with an annoyed yet amused look on her face, we cannot fly solo today and you're gonna have to trust me on this, if we're going to the hospital I'm going with you, you don't even have to tell me why."
The blonde smiled at her and started the car to go collect the rape kit at med.
He wasn't gonna lie, it did feel a bit like a waste of time to have to drive all the way to HQ to retrace Vanessa's last hour before she was attacked. All they had to do was to actually ask her what had happened.
He was in a foul mood, people at the Ivory Tower had tried to stick it up to their team so often he didn't know how to act chill around them, and to add up to his mood, he'd also tried and failed to fight off Voight proposal to team up with a patrol to go there.
"I'm literally driving from the 21st to HQ, this may be the safest commute in town right now, so no I'm not gonna drive with a patrol for my own safety, I'm sure ill manage".
He was bitter, but his sergeant wasn't in a negotiating mood "I'm sure I don't have to remind you how it ended up for you last time you decided to fly solo right?" sure he didn't, the phantom pain in his shoulder made sure of that.
"As soon as I'm done I'll be right back here."
"Tell you what... forget about patrol, you drive with me."
They drove mostly in silence, Voight's got a couple of calls from different updates he was expecting, but then they arrived at the building he asked him "How are you so upset? Anything you'd like to share?"
Jay was a bit taken aback, too lost in his own thoughts, he didn't realize he was buzzing with rage or exhaustion and his jaw was locked from the tension of his anger.
"No... nothing sarge, I just can't wait to put my hands on whoever did this... it's bad what was done to Vanessa, it could have been any of us."
Voight observed him for a sec, and something in Halstead's face made him reconsider his tone.
"It shouldn't have happened, whatever it was we will make sure of it. I made a promise to all of you a long time ago, at the end of the day, you come home, safe. And I meant it, I want you safe out there and in your homes. Come on let's see what we can get from here."
It was extremely rare for their sergeant to be so comforting with them, especially with Jay, they had a somewhat electric relationship.
"We're here to meet with Superintendent Tapper."
" Is he expecting you?"
"No, we didn't really have time to book an appointment ahead, tell him it's about... Tell him Sergeant Voight wants to talk."
The young secretary took a deep breath and picked up her phone to reach Tapper's assistant praying she won't be chewed up.
"Sergeant, Detective, walk with me." They met halfway in a corridor while his assistant came to pick the two men up, he was already moving to his next appointment.
"Superintendent" they both simply greeted.
"I assume you're following up on yesterday's shooting? Is there a new development I need to know?"
"Not exactly, but it's related, the officer involved, Rojas, she was here yesterday, I need to know who took her statement, and when they were finished."
"Humm I don't know exactly I'd have to check some logs for the time we finished", seeing their puzzled faces he added, "I took her statement myself, it was very late so I couldn't call back one of my men."
Jay and Voights looked at each other with puzzlement.
"I think it was around 10:45 or something because when I left the night shift had just started, and then I drove her back to her place and went home".
Now their attention was definitely piqued.
"You took her statement and you drove her home? My rookie officer?"
" As I said it was really late and we process these things very quickly now. No one wants the PR nightmare of waiting even 12 hours before the press starts to rip us a new one at dawn.
Are we done here? I have to meet with the rest of the brass."
"Nearly there, have you seen any suspicious vehicle following you or at the destination?"
The White Shirt stopped for a moment and said "I wasn't paying attention, but suspicious cars in this town? If you look for them you will find them... Everything's alright? What is this about?"
"We're just a following up after some suspicious activities around my officer's place that happened yesterday night. I'll reach out again when we know more."
"Well, you know where to find me." The Superintendant concluded, in a tone leaving no doubt their little interview was done for now.
"Tell your officer...Rojas was it? The material is being reviewed and I expect she should get an all-clear in the next few days."
"Thank you Sir, she'll be happy to hear it."
They walked silently back to the main floor, and as they were about to leave the building, Jay suggested to have a quick look at the surveillance cameras.
"Can you get me the footage of the yesterday night between 10 and 11?" he asked the female agent in the security pen"Anything specific you're looking for ?"
"Just wanna check who came and went in that window and the cars driving by the building."
The 3 of them stared intently at the screen, they saw Vanessa and Tapper arriving at 10:02 parking right in front of the glass door.
Then at 10:47, Vanessa was back down on her own, sending texts and being busy on her phone for a few minutes, then the Superintendant shows up and after a short chatter, them leaving together at 10:56. Nothing was out of the ordinary, of course, if you removed the unordinary fact of the superintendent being so helpful with a rookie officer.
"Do you need a copy of that? I'll need to have permission from up there but that shouldn't take too long."
"Humm no need for now, we'll let you know if we need it later".
" Sarge, I just received a text from Atwater, the preliminary on the house is back, let's go."
This has been a waste of time, they could have gathered the same amount of information on the phone, Jay thought.
Yes, it was extremely uncommon for a Superintendant to be so hands on... these people were known for their love of handing down work to their infinite supply of minions, but hey maybe times were changing.
Maybe everyone was really on edge with the amount of scrutiny the police were under.
Maybe some of them were actually afraid of not making the cut if another big story came for their asses.
She made it to the district in a taxi. She was never going to climb in a car with that patrol guy she didn't know.
He will have to figure out how she escaped his detail by himself.
"Oh my god Rojas, your face, are you trying to scare people away?" she was greeted with a sarcastic comment from Sergeant Platt, which made her feel the most normal she felt the whole day.
Every time the desk sergeant finds a new trait to mock, she feels more and more included.
"You know it, you should see the other guy!" She waved back with her bad arm to show the cast.
"Can you beep me up, please? I can't use my good hand."
"Sure champ!"
When she arrived Atwater and Ruzek were reviewing some pod footage and 911 calls from her neighborhood, they both stopped and went to her to say hi.
"I'm okay guys, you don't have to hover like that!" she tried with a joking tone, "I know you miss me but look at it this way, all the OT you will be able to log without me to do all your work!".
"Don't be smart with us, or we can take it to the ring" Adam was play-sparring with her mimicking a boxer's moves.
"Don't go hurt yourself there Ruz, you know she can take you with just one arm." Kevin backed her up with a wink.
Then they started some banter between themselves.
"Is Voight in his office?"
Adam nodded a bit gravely "Yes he is waiting for you".
She wasn't expecting Jay to be in the room with their sergeant though.
She hardly says Hi, and tries to avoid eye contact with him.
You got this, she thinks to herself.
"Feeling better?"
She had poped a cocktail of pain medication and anxiolytics before showing up there, she was feeling a bit lightheaded, and she still felt some pain when she was walking, but it was now more like the echo of pain rather than a constant reminder of the assault.
But she needed to keep it tight.
"Yeah better."
"Ok I'm not gonna beat around the bush, the preliminary came on the home invasion, and they couldn't find any trace of forced entry, or missing valuables, so how do you think the intruder breached into the house?"
Voight was all business now, exuding authority and waiting for satisfactory answers.
She looks to the pile of paper in front of her, pictures of the flat in all its angles. She can feel tears mounting to her eyes, she doesn't blink, holds her breath, and carefully crafts her response,
"I don't know I was upstairs... but maybe I didn't close the door correctly when I came home, my head was somewhere else."
"Yesterday you told me a patrol from HQ drove you back home... "
"Yes."
"But you were confused, because we got around there just earlier, and it seems the big man himself drove you back".
"Humm... yes I think."
"You think ?"
"I mean, yes I must have been confused, it was the Superintendant who drove me back, and I went in and must be when I forgot to make sure the door was properly closed. I was overwhelmed with everything."
"Ok, moving on, tell me again in detail exactly how it went down."