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Italics and underlined(German)

Italics (Thoughts/Song Lyrics)

Bold (French)

Side Note: Will also provide English translations when necessary.

Chapter Fifteen: Shattered Pieces

EviePOV

March 7th, 1945

London, England

"I'll never smile again, until I'll smile at you

I'll never laugh again, what good would it do

For tears would fill my eyes, my heart would realize

That our romance is true..."

For perhaps the first time since she ever started listening to the man, Evie reached over and sharply cut of Frank Sinatra's singing, his voice vanishing within the confines of the radio. Evie drew her hand back and placed it on the pillow next to her, her room filled with silence as she lied on her bed, curled up on top of the covers and staring blankly at the wall in front of her, her mind buzzing with so many empty thoughts. The hotel room was bathed in the light from the sun that was streaming pleasantly through the windows, despite the chill that was still sure to be outside carried on by the wind, but Evie honestly couldn't say whether it was from the morning sun or the afternoon sun. Her sense of time had been off for a little while now and she didn't really bother to take a moment to see exactly what time of day it was. Everything just blurred together after a while and she didn't bother to try and sort it out. The only thing she truly cared about was the fact that the love of her life was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"There's not going to be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down...there's not enough time...I gotta put her in the water...I'm still terrible at dancing though...I wouldn't miss it for the world, sweetheart...Evie, I lo-"

Evie silently clutched her pillow tighter against her, moving it so she was crushing it against her chest, burying her face into it and repressing her tears while her mind replayed the terrible moment she realized she was going to lose Steve as he flew that damned plane right into the ocean. She could still hear his voice in her head, talking about their upcoming date as though he were not about to sacrifice his life to save thousands-possibly millions-of others. She knew what he was doing. He wanted to give her comfort, to reassure her that everything would be all right when they both knew it wouldn't. This was one of the very few times she wished the man wasn't so damn noble-he was about to do a nosedive with a bomber plane and yet he wanted to make sure she was comforted in his final moments. She sniffled softly into the pillow, thinking that there was no way she could have possibly deserved such a wonderful man as Steve Rogers, and she loathed herself fro wasting so much time to finally accept her feelings for him, not realizing they didn't have very much time left at all. Now he was gone. If there was one thing that HYDRA or Red skull could possibly do to break her, it was most definitely this. She felt extremely hollow, her limbs numb and she just couldn't find it in herself to care too much. It only made the pain ten times worse, but then again she could hardly imagining anything hurting any worse than this. A knock at the door brought Evie out of her grief-stricken thoughts and she raised her head a bit from the pillow, moving her gaze over towards the door.

"No room service, right now, please," she called out, her voice sounding underused, even to her. Before she could lay her head back down on the pillow, the lock on the door clicked open and then she was surprised to see Peggy walking into the room, carrying a brown paper bag with her and wearing her usual coat to ward of the chill.

"I'm afraid I'm not giving you an option," Peggy said sternly as she walked inside and placed the brown bag down no the small dining table close by the bed. "Come on, up you get."

"What is that?" Evie asked.

"Food," Peggy replied as she took off her coat and hung it up on the hook. "You know, the sustenance needed in order to keep living? The thing you have been denying yourself for the past three days?"

Evie didn't respond to that, staring silently at the bag and not really wanting to move from her position on the bed.

"I'm not hungry," she muttered.

"Stop being such a tosser and get up before I drag you out of that bed myself," Peggy threatened with a frown as she opened up the bag and started arranging different sized boxes on the table. For a brief minute Evie debated on whether or not to ignore her, but she knew firsthand what would happen if she didn't. She knew Peggy all too well to know that she will not hesitate to follow through on her threat and so she sighed in irritation as she slowly sat up from the mattress, slinging her feet over the side and walking over to sit down at the table. Apparently it must have been around lunchtime, given the type of food that Peggy was removing from the boxes. She had brought a small side salad, some baked chicken and potatoes, enough for them to share. As they got settled down at the table together, Evie slowly picked at her food before placing it in her mouth, her stomach grumbling and instantly reprimanding her for making it go so long without proper food. It was silent as the two friends ate, with Evie taking her food in slowly, not wanting to overwhelm herself and start shoveling it all in her mouth at once. After a few more minutes Peggy sighed and set her fork down.

"Evie, please talk to me," she said gently. "Don't push me away again."

Evie twirled her own fork between her fingers for a moment before she also set it down, her mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

"What is there to say?" Evie said, so quietly she would be surprised if Peggy could even hear her. "We won. Schmidt is dead, HYDRA has been burned to the ground, and...and Steve..."

"Evie, don't give up hope so soon," Peggy urged. "Howard is making arrangements right now to go out there and search for the plane as soon as he has the chance to."

"Howard will never get clearance as long as the war is still going on," Evie countered. "Phillips and the other army officials still need him, along with the SSR and there's no way he would be guaranteed a safe journey with the threat of enemy ships still out there. The Valkyrie went down in a frozen tundra, Peggy. Even if Howard somehow miraculously finds the plane, Steve won't be-he can't be-"

Evie felt her throat close up, not able to form the words she dreaded saying out loud, a part of her still refusing to believe it was true. She took in a deep breath through her nose, her hand clenching into a fist on top of the table.

"What am I supposed to do, Peggy?" she whispered. "I loved him."

"I know you did," Peggy murmured.

"I can't take this anymore. I can't take losing every single person I've come to care for and love in my life. Eventually they are all taken from me, and I don't think I can survive it this time. There's nothing left and I just feel so...lost."

"You don't have nothing," Peggy corrected her, leaning forward a bit to take Evie's hand in hers, staring at her imploringly. "You still have me, and Howard, and the rest of the Commandos. There are still plenty of people who love you very much Evie."

"For how long, though?" Evie asked, her tone incredibly hollow in her ears. "If it's not HYDRA, or the war in general, eventually it's going to be time."

"Enough!" Peggy said firmly, standing up to come around on Evie's side and bending down next to her, taking both of her hands in hers and forcing Evie to look at her. "I will not let you get swallowed up in this again, Evie Erskine. You have lost those dear to you in a short amount of time. Believe me when I say that I understand exactly how that feels. It's like an important part of you has withered and died away, leaving you broken and empty. I felt the same when I lost my brother to this damn war, and many others have felt it too.

"Your father dedicated the remaining years of his life to helping defeat and destroy the organization that tore your family apart, dying for a cause he believed in with all his heart. Sergeant Barnes did the same, fighting alongside you and the others to protect what he stood for and to make sure no harm came to you or his best friend. And Steve died a hero, he saved the lives of millions of people. He was an amazing, kind, strong and wonderful man who loved you more than anything in this world. I know it hurts, and quite frankly I hate how unfair it is to you but I'm not asking you to simply forget the pain. You need to embrace it, because it's a reminder of how much you were blessed. That you still are blessed."

"I really don't feel blessed right now Peggy," Evie said, sounding a bit choked up. "I don't feel anything."

Peggy replied to this by drawing Evie in for a tight hug, holding the woman close to her and rubbing her back, trying to give her as much comfort as possible. Evie could feel the familiar burn in her eyes but no tears came forth, having been used up that day in the control tower. Nonetheless she accepted Peggy's hug gratefully, inhaling and taking some comfort in her friend's perfume, letting the sweet, floral scent sooth her.

"I promise you, you will not be alone," Peggy whispered. "Howard and I are going to look after you, no matter what. You will always have us in your corner. All I ask is that you don't shut us out...Steve wouldn't have wanted that for you."

"How can I move on from this?" Evie asked helplessly. "I was looking forward to a having an actual future, with Steve, but now I don't know what to do."

"Well," Peggy said slowly as she released Evie from her hug, offering her a small smile. "How about we start with a nice hot bath? Then we can go from there."

Twenty minutes later, Evie was soaking in the tub in the bathroom, having already washed her hair and her body, and just taking the time to relax in the warm water, leaning her head back against the edge of the tub. The water did feel incredibly soothing on her skin, and she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a breath before she started sliding down, ducking her head beneath the soapy water and submerging herself in memories.

...

Evie shivered as she edged a bit closer to the campfire, taking in as much heat as she possibly could to fight off the bitter cold that surrounded her and her team. The forest they were currently resting in for the night was just as pretty as a Christmas card and twice as cold. It was definitely one if the coldest ones in recent years and because of this, she made sure there was plenty of firewood to keep the flames going for most of the night. She made sure to keep feeding the fire as the rest of her teammates slept. They were all laid out on their own sleeping bags with their fronts facing towards the heat, subconsciously seeking its comfort against the bitter chill in the air. They all had had an exhausting day, tracking through this forest with barely any rest and they were trying to stay ahead of a group of enemy soldiers that had managed to catch onto their trail. Thankfully they managed to put quite a number of miles between them but to be safe, they still kept at least one lookout.

Evie turned her head to look over at Steve, who was the only one sleeping upright with his back against the trunk of a nearby tree. His head hung forward as he slept, bundled in a blanket. The sight of him like that made Evie smile softly. She was supposed to wake him up well over an hour ago so he would take the next shift, but he looked so peaceful when he first fell asleep that she didn't have it in her to bother him. He had been up for over a full day, and she wanted him to get as much sleep as he could before they all had to move out again. Seeing him with the blanket pulled up to his chin, a couple strands of blonde hair falling onto his forehead, made Evie's heart warm. Rubbing her hands together, she sniffed a little, hating how the very tip of her nose was going numb. After a few more minutes, she heard a faint rustling sound and she looked over to see Steve stirring, lifting his head up and blinking groggily at her in the firelight.

"Evie?" he murmured.

"Hey Captain," she greeted with a smile.

"What time is it? How long did you let me sleep for?" Steve asked as he sat up straighter, shrugging the blanket off if his shoulders and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"You needed the rest, and I don't mind staying up a little longer," Evie said, holding her hands out towards the fire.

"Sweetheart, you're exhausted," Steve argued, frowning a bit as he looked her over, probably noticing her heavy eyelids and slightly slumped posture. Just as she was about to tell him she was fine, a light gust of wind came their way and not even the fire could keep her from shivering.

"Here," Steve said, moving the blanket aside and gesturing for her to sit next to him. Evie was a bit surprised by this and she raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"As long as you are," Steve replied sincerely with a small smile. "I promise, I'm a perfect gentleman."

"That you are," Evie giggled in agreement, even though she could feel her insides squirm a bit. She decided to ignore them and accept Steve's invitation, walking over closer until she took a seat right next to him on the ground against the tree so they were shoulder to shoulder. Steve threw the blanket out to cover both of them, making sure they were properly covered before he started moving his arm and-after receiving a nod of approval from Evie-he placed it around her shoulder, drawing her in close to his side. She immediately sighed at the warmth from his body heat and she after a moment of hesitation, she placed her head against his chest, right over his heart. At first it was a bit awkward, seeing as this was the first time they had sat down, or really cuddled, so closely since becoming a couple. Steve had assured her that he would never push her to move fast or pressure her into doing anything she wasn't comfortable with, which she found very endearing and admirable. It made the little moments like this special and it only took a couple minutes for the both of them to relax against each other comfortably, with Steve rubbing her shoulder and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Another sigh fell past Evie's lips, feeling utterly content being with Steve like this.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve said quietly.

"About how reluctant I'm going to be getting up once it's time to move again," Evie answered honestly, causing Steve to chuckle and pull her closer.

"Same goes for me," he admitted. "I like holding you like this."

Evie just kept smiling and adjusted her head on his chest, her ear picking up the sound of his heartbeat. It was enough to make her body give in to just how tired she really was and it wasn't very long at all before she closed her eyes, the steady "thump, thump, thump" easily lulling her to sleep.

"Sweet dreams, Evie. I'll be here when you wake up," she heard Steve whisper before she slipped into a deep slumber.

...

Evie gasped as she resurfaced from the water, the now cold air filtering through the room biting her skin unpleasantly and she gripped the side of the tub tightly, her hand shaking. She took in a couple more breaths, trying to calm herself down but she found it difficult, her chest hurting each time she inhaled. Why is it every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was his face? His eyes and his smile? There was a great desire to see it and she also hated herself for it because all it would do is deliver a much harsher blow when she remembered it was all in her head, nothing more than memories. What she wouldn't give for one more kiss, or even one more embrace. Just to see him, to tell him how much she loved him and how sorry she was for wasting so much time. The minutes seemed to tick by slowly however she must have been in the tub longer than she realized because she noticed the water was starting to become colder. Sniffling, she rose from the tub and wrapped herself in a towel before stepping out to dry herself off. When she walked back into the room dressed in her bath robe, she saw that Peggy was still there, laying out her cream colored floral dress on the bed and giving her a kind smile.

"Get dressed," she ordered gently. "We're going for a walk."

"Peggy, I don't-"

"Please, Evie, if not for me, do it for your team? They've been so worried. Besides, Phillips has given you a week's leave, you can't spend it all shut up like this."

"He did?" Evie asked, a bit surprised by this news.

"Yes. Even though he will never admit it, he's nothing but a big softie at heart," Peggy stated with a light laugh. "I'll leave you to it, but be downstairs in the lobby in no later than twenty minutes or I'll send in Howard."

Evie watched as Peggy left the room to give her some privacy and she smiled a little more. Not wanting to waste too much time, Evie slipped into her dress and ran a brush through her hair, not bothering to anything special to it for the day. She made it down to the lobby with just a couple minutes to spare, where Peggy was speaking with Howard at the checkout counter, the two of them speaking in hushed tones until she approached them, lifting their heads and Howard gave her a warm smile.

"Mon Cherie," he greeted softly. "How are you?"

Evie merely shrugged in reply, not wanting to lie to him and not wanting him to worry too much either. He seemed to understand though, because he came over to give her a tight hug, squeezing her waist before pulling back to look her over.

"It's good to know you're still as heavenly as a Sunday morning," he said, poking her nose as though she were a child. "Come on, I think it's time the three of us went out for a cup of tea and some scones."

Roughly a half hour later, Evie found herself seated in between Howard and Peggy in a quaint little tea parlor, which was so open and so bright, it almost gave the feeling that they were having tea with nobleman. There were big vases scattered about with beautiful, luscious and colorful flowers of all kinds, crystal chandeliers hanging above their heads and live music performing on a small stage at one end of the room, with a pianist playing along with some string musicians. The three friends made small chat while they waited for their treats and beverages, but it was mainly only Howard and Peggy talking, with Evie giving vague replies when directly spoken to. When their waiter returned with a steaming pot of tea and a lovely white and gold porcelain tray filled with scones, he set them gracefully down on the table before taking his leave with a polite smile. As they were arranging their tea cups the way they wanted, Howard leaned a bit more forward in his seat, looking serious.

"Evie," he said gently. "I know that you really don't want to, but you're going to have to talk about this sooner or later."

"How about we do it later, then?" Evie responded as she mixed her sugar cubes in with her tea, watching it dissolve.

"Evie," Peggy sighed.

"Please, I really don't want to talk about it, all right? It hurts too much, and I'm barely keeping it together as it is," Evie pleaded with them softly, setting her spoon down.

"We don't want to see you close up on yourself again," Peggy insisted. "Last time you really scared us, and we just want that to happen to you."

"I don't know what else to do, Peggy," Evie said, hating how helpless she sounded.

"I may have something," Howard suggested. "Peggy told you I'm planning on going out to search for the Valkyrie, right? Why don't you come with me?"

"Go with you?"

"Yes. I just thought maybe it would help you get some form of closure. Steve was a good man and I consider it an honor that he was a good friend to me, and a lot of people. Evie I promise, I will do what I can to find him so we can at least give him a proper farewell. You both deserve that. I already have a ship on standby, but the only problem is we're going to have to wait until the waters are a bit more safer. No matter how good things are starting to look for us on land, it's still pretty rough out on the seas, and as much as I hate to admit it, I have the grace of a rock and would sink right down to the bottom."

"Howard," Peggy hissed. "Do you have any tact at all?"

"Okay, I'm sorry, that really wasn't the best way to phrase that," Howard apologized. "It's up to you Evie, I just figured this may be what you need."

For a minute Evie was quiet as she debated Howard's offer. To say she was touched that he was willing to go searching for Steve for her would be a complete understatement. Her love for her friends only seemed to grow each time they continued to show just how much they cared for her, and many times it was a compassion that Evie couldn't quite believe she deserved. The options were churning in her head and she bit her lip. There was admittedly a part of her that was afraid at the idea of going with Howard to find the Valkyrie because she knew what they would discover inside. The thought of seeing her beloved still, cold and lifeless was enough to make her chest hurt so much she would have been carted off to the hospital in minutes. And yet there was another part of her that couldn't stand the idea of him being lost out to sea, whisked away by the icy currents and not being able to have a proper burial. Besides, she didn't think she could handle not being able to say goodbye to him. Everyone else she had loved was taken away from her so suddenly, she didn't want this time to be the same.

"You don't have to answer right now," Howard reassured her when she still hadn't spoken. "You can take some time to figure out if you would be ready for that-"

"I'll do it," Evie said, lifting her eyes to meet his. "Once you get the clearance, I'll go with you to look for the Valkyrie."

"Are you sure, Evie?" Peggy asked her.

"I'm sure. I need to do this...I need to bring him home."

"All right," Peggy said, seeming to hesitate for a moment before continuing. "There's some files that need to be sorted through back at headquarters, mainly about Project Rebirth and Captain Rogers personal files. I can take care of them today if you'd like, and there's also a few personal belongings that he kept in his room. I can bring them up to yours if you want me to."

"Um, thanks Peggy. I would like that," Evie said, working around the lump in her throat. "But would it be all right if I go through the files with you?"

"Of course," Peggy replied, giving Evie a smile as she patted her shoulder. The three of them finished with their tea and after Howard left a generous tip for their waiter, they left the parlor and took the more scenic route as they walked back to the hotel together. When they finally arrived, Evie was just thinking about going back up to her room when they passed by the entrance that led into a separate room, where there was an open bar along with some live entertainment. Something told her that she could probably find her teammates in there and she was struck with the sudden overwhelming need to see them. She has shut herself away for day now and she didn't want to go another one without seeing the men who had become much like her family. Quietly excusing herself, Evie left Howard and Peggy by the elevators and started walking over towards the room, seeing many people sitting around and enjoying an early drink or two, listening to the musicians on the stage, and it wasn't hard to locate the boys. they were all seated at a corner booth, all of them nursing their beers and looking more solemn than usual. Evie made her way over and Jacques caught sight of her when she approached.

"Evangeline," he said softly, gaining the attention of the others. For a moment she just stood there, fiddling with her fingers and pushing back the unexpected threat of tears as she looked at them.

"May I join you fellas?" she asked, thankful that her voice was mostly steady.

"Absolutely, darlin'," Dugan replied, standing up along with Falsworth so she could slid in next to Jim. "I'll get you a drink. Apple Martini?"

"I think I'd like some bourbon, actually," Evie replied, moving into the booth to sit beside Jim, with Falsworth sliding back in next to her and Dugan heading over to the bar. This atmosphere was familiar to her and she had to admit, it was a bit better than locking herself in her room where she had nothing but nightmares and memories to plague her mind. Here, she can have a drink, bask in the small comfort being around her brothers presented, and maybe she had a chance to give a true genuine smile.

"We've missed you, love," Falsworth told her. "Being stuck with these twits has been nothing but exhausting."

"Speak for yourself," Jim said, taking a sip of his drink. Evie made a quiet, amused hum in her throat and it was only a couple minutes later when Dugan returned with her drink, passing it off to her before he sat back down in the booth. He then proceeded to lift his bottle, glancing around at them all.

"To the Captain," he announced. All the men raised their glasses and Evie followed, her throat tight as they all chorused together "To the Captain." She brought the bourbon to her lips, the burn of the alcohol somehow soothing and for a while she simply let herself forget.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

The following morning, Evie awoke to bright sunlight shining on her face and she groaned, already feeling the ache in her head throbbing against her skull. She turned away from the sunlight and huffed, knowing that at this point it would be useless to try and get back to sleep, especially now that she was well aware of her headache. She laid there on the mattress for a little while longer, trying to find the strength and will to make herself get up. When she finally did, she slowly sat up and opened her eyes, blinking them rapidly to get them adjusted the bright light. She saw that she was currently in her hotel room, still wearing her dress from the night before and for a moment she was confused as to how she had gotten back up there. After a few minutes of thinking, the memories started coming back to her in fragments until she finally remembered how she had started to feel a bit tipsy after having several drinks with her teammates, the bourbon doing wonders to help her forget her pain and sadness.

At one point, Falsworth had stated she had enough and Evie didn't argue or fight when Gabe had reached over to take her glass away. He was kind enough to get her a glass of water and even though it did help, it made her fall quiet and thoughtful. Sometime during the night, Howard had come into the bar looking for her, and when he saw her sitting at the booth staring grief-stricken into her water and swaying a little, he declared it was time for bed. She remembered Dugan helping her to her feet and before she left with Howard, she had given each member of the Howling Commandos a hug and kiss to the cheek. The details of how she made it up to her room with Howard was still just a little fuzzy, but the last thing she recalled was him pulling the blankets over her as she laid down to sleep.

Evie groaned again as she placed her face in her hands. Besides when they had all gone to celebrate Steve's birthday last year, she had never allowed herself to have so many drinks. She was nowhere near a lightweight so it took a bit to make her tipsy, let alone full out drunk, and knowing how badly she wanted an escape last night made her feel ashamed, understanding she probably had quite a few martini's throughout the course of the night. But at least she was thankful she wasn't at a point where she couldn't remembering anything the previous night, and she was more grateful than ever for her friends. She didn't want to imagine what Steve would have thought of her behavior.

Then again, if Steve was here I wouldn't have felt the need to act out to begin with. A scowl came across Evie's face as she drew herself away from such thoughts, lifting her face from her hands and forcing herself to stand up from the bed. She felt just a little shaky at first but then she was able to walk around steadily. As she moved further into the room, Evie caught sight of a cardboard box sitting on the chair that was situated close to the window that overlooked the streets below, with a note attached to it. There was also a small glass of water on the table as well, along with a couple pills. Deciding to read the note first, Evie took it in her hand and her eyes skimmed though it.

Evie,

I figured you may need these for when you woke up, it will help with any pain you may feel. Peggy asked me to give this stuff to you, Dugan and Jacques took them out of Captain Rogers' room yesterday so you could have it. Take as much time as you need, but if you're feeling up for it, we would love for you to come down and have lunch with us this afternoon, at the usual spot.

Your Bumbling Idiot,

Howard

"What am I going to do with you, Howard Stark?" Evie whispered to herself with a sigh, shaking her head fondly. Setting aside the note, she made sure to take the medicine Howard left for her before bringing her attention back to the box on the table. She could feel her stomach twist rather uncomfortably just by looking at it and she took a slow breath, trying to get a hold of herself. She opened up the box with hesitant movements and when she pulled the flaps aside, she peered inside to see a manila folder placed on top of different miscellaneous items. Taking out the folder, she realized it must have been left by Peggy while she was going through the army and SSR records on Steve. She carefully opened it up to see there were only a couple pages inside, which recorded Steve's recruitment for Project REBIRTH, his status during his time working for the SSR, and basic background information. Attached to the front cover letter by a paper clip was a close-up picture of a thin, scrawny man who looked as though one breeze could topple him over. Even so, there was a fierce, determined confidence about him as he stood at attention, his eyes squinted slightly against the sun and his dog tags clearly visibly as it rested against his white shirt, and even though there was no color, Evie could picture the bright blue of his eyes so clearly in her mind. With her lower lip trembling, Evie picked up the picture and stared at it, feeling her heart break all over again in a matter of seconds. Something wet dropped onto the picture and she suddenly realized that she was crying. Sniffling, she quickly wiped the tears away before they could get worse and placed a kiss on Steve's photo before placing it gingerly back into the folder, as though it were made of glass.

After setting the folder down, she went through the other items inside the box, which included his more formal army uniform, a small bottle of his favorite cologne that he would only wear when he went out on special occasions, maybe one or two casual clothing for the rare times he wasn't wearing his uniform while they were on leave, a razor, a few books and several worn, used up sketchbooks that looked as though they had been made to very good use for many years. Evie was surprised that Steve had this many but then again, whenever they had a spare moment from the raids on HYDRA bases he would usually spend time drawing in his sketchbooks, and it was more than likely that a couple of them could have been from his time performing on stage as Captain America. Evie pulled out all of the sketchbooks from the box and sat down on the chair, placing them in front of her on the table. For a minute she debated with herself about looking through them but in the end she decided to do it. Steve was such a skilled and talented artist, she wanted to look at the world through his eyes and maybe it could ease the constant crippling pain she felt.

Evie started from the bottom and as she opened it, she noticed that she was correct in her assumption, seeing the words "S. Rogers, September 1st 1943" written neatly on the inside cover. She knew for a fact that Steve was doing those musical numbers for Brandt at the time, and it also showed on the first few pages at least. Steve had drawn silly cartoon versions of himself, acting like a clown on stage and she felt sad when she thought that he probably saw himself as one while he was parading around in that costume. As she continued on through the first book, many of the drawings and sketches made her smile. Even though they were all done in pencil, Steve captured the world around him with such a keen, creative eye that he could easily bring anything he put on paper to life. There were some doodles of buildings and scenery that Evie wasn't familiar with and figured it may have been part of Brooklyn back in New York, where he grew up. Others were more random, such as dogs, a couple medic ambulances, and there was even one of a lantern sitting on a table with an apple sitting next to it. It made Evie curious as to how he spent his days during this time when he wasn't Captain America. She finished the first book fairly quickly, soaking in each picture as if she were committing it to memory. When she started flipping through the second book, she saw the shift in Steve's settings when she came across more pictures dictating when he came to the SSR. She found a portrait of Bucky and the Commandos sitting around a camp fire and she even came upon some early designs he had for his new Captain America uniform before going to Howard with the final results. As she started to migrate more towards the middle of the book, she flipped another page and then paused, her eyes widening just a little as she found a drawing of herself, in a standing position with her body halfway turned, looking over her shoulder and dressed in what she would usually wear before Howard designed her outfit for her missions. Steve created every line, every curve and shadow perfectly, even the small details like the loose strands of hair from her braid and the faraway, distraught emotion in her eyes. There was a tiny side note along the margins which simply read "Sad Beauty."

The more Evie flipped through the following pages from the next couple of books, the more she found out that she apparently was Steve's favorite subject to draw. Her face popped up quite often and while some were obvious that he was sketching on the spot, others were just from pure memory, such as the one where he drew her in the dress she wore when they all had celebrated his birthday, with her twirling around with an invisible partner, her smile bright and her dress fanning out. When she finally scanned through the last book, her eyes were already filled with tears that she refused to let fall and the emotions that were inflating in her chest was a terrible mixture of grief and joy. The very last drawing he did was a close-up of her, with her hair gathered over one shoulder and she was staring down lovingly at her pendant, her fingers gently tracing it. No matter how she tried, a few wretched tears managed to slide down her cheeks and fall onto the paper. She bent her head low, her shoulders shaking and she gripped the sketchbook tightly in her hands, resisting the urge to throw it away. She remembered a time when Jacques told her that Steve thought the world of her. If only he realized that he ended up becoming her entire world, and now with each passing day, it was slowly crumbling to pieces.

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Howard POV

September 10th, 1945

Northern Arctic Sea

It was over. After six long years filled with blood, tears, fear, destruction and death, the war was finally over as of last month. News had spread fast of Nazi Germany's surrender to the Allied forces near the middle of August and within mere hours, nearly the entire world was in complete celebration. Word has already reached many ears of countries that had been invaded by or terrorized by the Axis Powers were being liberated and once the Japanese surrendered to end the battle in the Pacific, loud voices were raised up to the high heaven's, filled with cheerful laughter and song. Never in all the time she he had lived in the city had Howard ever seen it so packed and lively. It was as though the joy and happiness that had been almost sucked dry from the people were back ten fold, with men and woman dancing to music in the streets, confetti and glittering streamers cascading down from the rooftops in a swirl of color. Men who were fortunate enough to be back home when the news was received had come out to celebrate, with members of the navy, air force and marines walking along with everyone else, pure relief on their faces and looking as though the weight of the world was finally off their shoulders. The attitude was infectious, and it wasn't only in Times Square, but every corner and section of the entire city was out, expressing the long overdue end of the war that has rampaged for far too long.

While thousands of people were still celebrating the end of the war, Howard had more pressing matters to attend to. The young man mused quietly to himself as he stared out through the window of the bridge of the ship he was currently on, observing all activities taking place along with the captain while other crew members spoke with one another, writing down numbers and working the control panels that surrounded the helm. The sky outside was pure white, with light snow flurries falling from above and disappearing into the icy black waters below as the ship slowly moved forward on its journey. When they had started off on this mission, Howard offered his own handmade submarines to dive below on the ocean floor, scanning every nook and cranny with the latest updates from his own design, including operating arms that can move any discovered debris aside once they finally find the plane. There were two underwater already, close to a quarter mile out ahead, and even though he usually scoffed at such things, he couldn't help but send something akin to a prayer to anyone or anything that would listen that their search would be successful. He had a good friend to find and a promise to keep.

"Sir?" Jacobs called from one of the control panels. "You may want to take a look at this."

Curious, Howard moved away from the window and went over to stand beside Jacobs, who was looking over a small camera that was on the small submarine down below. The arms were currently reaching out and picking up a strange, square-shaped object from the sand that seemed to be glowing, although Howard couldn't get a proper read on it just from staring at it through the camera. His eyebrow creased as he went into thought. He's been having the sub track the energy levels that would have been emitting from the Valkyrie even after it crashed, and somehow it's led them to this peculiar object. Was this on the plane when it went down? Does that mean their close? If this had fallen from the plane it had to mean the rest of the wreckage wasn't too far. Although, he most definitely wanted to observe this square some more. Something about it just intrigued him, sparking the gears in his head and he was looking forward to getting it back to his lab. But for now, they had to continue on with their search.

"Take us to the next grid point, Captain," he said, to which the man in question nodded and moved so he could redirect their course.

"But there's not trace of wreckage. And the energy signature stops here," Jacobs stated. Howard was quiet for a brief moment as he lifted his head and turned to look out the window again. He caught sight of Evie, who was standing right outside, leaning against the railing and peering down into the water, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of something...anything. They still haven't come up with anything but they've only been out at sea for just over two weeks, and he refused to give up hope just yet. He couldn't, not when so much depended on him. The woman he saw as a cherished friend, a sister, was in so much pain and he would not stop until he would be able to lessen it. He wasn't foolish enough to believe it would ever fully go away, but at least this was a step in the right direction. The look on Evie's face and the urge to find her the closure she needed made something churn in Howard's stomach, strengthening his resolve. He couldn't-he wouldn't-fail her, no matter what.

"Just keep looking."