It Had to Be Terrifying

Listening to Pepper and Tony detail the plans for their wedding party was not what Natasha wanted to do. After her plane ride and the conversation with Steve, she really wanted some alone time. She was serious when she said she needed to think about his proposal. Dating her husband was dangerous. She already had some feelings she wasn't used to experiencing where Steve was concerned. All her reasons for not exploring them six months ago still existed. Unfortunately, now, she that she'd had a taste of him, she knew without a doubt he had the power to break her heart.

If she took the chance, it could be disastrous. They could end up hating each other. All the promises of protecting their friendship would go out the window, and she'd be on her own, probably alone. Of course, it could also be amazing. If they could get this right, she might just get her happily ever after, deserved or not.

"We wanted to keep this as small and intimate as possible," Pepper said, bringing Natasha back to reality. Small was good. Natasha liked the idea of a simple reception that would appease the public outcry over their rushed nuptials.

"The problem is we have a lot of VIPs who want photo ops," Tony said, "and we aren't exactly in a position to say no. Officially, we launch a brand new world security bureau, like nothing the world has ever seen, in a matter of weeks."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "So, you want to turn our fake wedding reception into a media circus?"

"Want to, no. Need to, yeah," Tony said. "I know this was supposed to be small, but the president-"

"The president wants to come to our reception?" Steve asked, making eye contact with Natasha. "Can't say I expected that."

Pepper sighed and looked from Steve to Natasha. Natasha got a bad feeling in her stomach before Pepper even spoke. "Not just attend. He wants to host it in the Rose Garden. We would go to D.C. the day before. They'll put us up in a nice hotel then we have a party to celebrate your wedding and a press briefing announcing the plan for the Avengers."

"Then the two of you will schmooze with some diplomats and it's over," Tony said, finishing Pepper's explanation. "Look, I don't see how we can turn this down."

Natasha bristled. She hadn't even technically agreed to a date with Steve. Sharing a hotel room with him again was terrifying. They couldn't seem to share a kiss without getting carried away. Not that she opposed the idea of another night of passion, but if they blew it again, there'd be no way their budding whatever this was would have a chance. She looked at Steve. He didn't seem particularly troubled by the idea. "Steve and I need to think about it," she said, answering for both of them.

Tony and Pepper exchanged an uneasy glance letting Natasha know the ball was already rolling. They must have already agreed to the president's request. This was just great. She didn't even have an ounce of control over her own fake wedding. They moved on to other topics. Colors? Anything but red, white, and blue. They'd already done that. Maid of Honor? Might as well go with Pepper, since Laura was the best kept secret since Area 51. Flowers she liked? Steve answered before she could. "She likes lilies," he said. "Right?"

He was right. Lilies were her favorite, but she had no idea how he knew it. "Lilies are fine," she said, trying not to sound surprised.

"And, red velvet cake," Steve said. She wasn't as surprised when he knew about her cake preferences. They'd eaten together enough times for him to pick up on that one. She was a bit surprised with how much effort he was putting in to the whole thing. Regardless of whether they dated or not, this was still a farce, and Steve was so against false representation. It was eerie.

By the time Bruce arrived, the big picture details were worked out, and she needed a break before she snapped and put a hole in Tony's wall or one in Tony for letting this get so carried away. Her heart was racing. It didn't even do that when she was on a mission, at least not often. The last time she felt this far out of control of her surroundings, she was face to face with a rampaging Hulk.

Before Tony could rope Bruce into the planning meeting, she put her hand on Bruce's shoulder and started leading him to the door. "Steve, you have my permission to veto anything crazy Tony decides to do. The White House is bad enough." She paused and gave Tony a dirty look. "Bruce and I have an idea on how to control the other guy. I'll tell you about it over dinner."

Steve nodded, but she noticed his eyes were firmly planted on her hand, a hand still attached to Bruce's shoulder. He looked like a lost puppy. It didn't take much to put two and two together. Steve was as insecure in their relationship status as she was. She hadn't given him an answer about that date. She didn't really have one until that moment. His crest fallen expression broke her resolve.

She let go of Bruce's shoulder and walked straight to Steve, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Dinner out. Make reservations someplace nice. I'll wear something that makes you uncomfortable." She waggled her eyebrows.

"Our date?" he asked. "That's a yes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Unless you've changed your mind in the last few hours. It's a yes."

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, shocking their friends, before she pulled away. As she was leaving, she heard Tony's reaction. "Wait, are you and Red still fonduing?"

Steve didn't even bother hiding the grin that came on his face as Natasha walked out of the penthouse with Bruce. He figured getting her to go on an actual date with him would take more effort. He ignored Tony's crass comment and pointed to a wedding cake design. "Let's go with this one," he said.

Tony groaned and ran his hands over his face. "Cap, I asked you a question. Are we still putting on a show or is this real? You and Red, what's the story?"

"There's no story," Steve said, "not yet. I just asked Nat on a date. Figured I should make my move. I've wanted to for awhile, and a friend suggested this might be the right time. That's all."

"Can't say I saw this coming," Tony said, with a smirk "I mean, neither of you seemed to keen on the idea of staying married in Vegas, but congratulations. Don't take this the wrong way, Cap. I don't say this lightly. You are Captain America, but Red is way out of your league. She's almost out of my league, and I'm me. What's your plan for keeping her interest?"

Pepper rolled her eyes and gave Tony a little shove before taking his place close to Steve. "Don't listen to him, Steve. Natasha and I got off to a rough start, but I consider her a good friend. She needs someone like you in her life. Just be yourself. Be someone she can depend on, and don't smother her. Natasha's her own woman. As long as you respect that, you'll be fine. I am a little curious about who told you to ask her out though. The pool of people who know this isn't real is pretty small."

"Clint," Steve said, "it was Clint who suggested I go for what I want. He seemed to think she might want it, too."

"Huh," Tony said, shaking his head, "I assumed they were-"

"They're not," Steve said, leaping to quench the rumor a little more quickly than he probably should. "Now, if we're done here, I have reservations to make. I'm not missing this date."

Bruce stood from his chair and started pacing. "Are you outta your mind? What if your idea doesn't work?"

Natasha watched him walk around the briefing room for a minute. Beads of sweat were visible at his temples. His breathing was slightly irregular, but he didn't seem to be changing color. She classified that as a win. He was afraid. If she were being honest, so was she. "What if I'm right?"

Thor was casually crunching on an apple beside her at the small table. "It is an intriguing theory, Natasha. How certain are you it will be successful?"

Natasha shrugged. She really wasn't sure. It was dangerous anytime the other guy showed up. She'd never been quite so afraid as she was when Bruce hulked out on the helicarrier. Maybe the fear response he triggered was one of the factors causing her to be so determined to try her idea. If she could face her fear of the other guy and conquer it, maybe this thing with Steve wouldn't be quite so terrifying.

"Not the answer I need, Nat. You can't suggest waking up the other guy without knowing if this lullaby will work. You could get hurt. I could destroy the city just as it's getting back to normal," Bruce said. "I can't be responsible for that."

Natasha crossed her arms. "You wouldn't be. I take full responsibility. The training room Tony built is completely Hulk proof. If we can't bring you down with the lullaby, you'll be locked down until the other guy calms down. No risk of you destroying Manhattan." She looked him in the eyes. "Bruce, you being able to control the Hulk could save a lot of lives. We both know you want to say yes, so just say it already. It's been a long day. I'd like to end it by telling Steve we solved this problem."

Bruce and Thor exchanged smiles. "Okay, Natasha, I'll do it, but first admit one thing. You like your husband."

"Of course, she does," Thor said. "It is obvious the two are well-suited in battle. I am certain they are well-suited as life partners. Tell him what he wants to hear and let's begin."

Natasha just rolled her eyes. "That's classified. Suit up and meet me in the training room."

Steve made a quick trip to the florist for a bouquet of lilies after he finished his meeting with Tony and Pepper. He made reservations at a new restaurant in China town while he was at it. Natasha loved a good sweet and sour chicken, and Tony assured him this place had the best. He tidied their little apartment and changed into an outfit Natasha helped him pick out while they were working in D.C. then spent the rest of the afternoon twiddling his thumbs wondering when she'd get home.

The reservations were for eight. It was almost seven. Steve had his phone in his hand, debating whether or not he should call Natasha to see what was holding her up or call the restaurant in hopes of getting a later reservation when the door to their apartment opened. Natasha was back, and she was leaning on Thor.

As Thor helped her into the apartment, Steve rushed to her other side. "You're hurt," he said. He scooped her up and carried her to the couch.

She winced as he lowered her onto the cushion. "Just my ankle and my pride. Dr. Cho said it isn't broken."

Steve grabbed the two throw pillows and he and Thor maneuvered them under her injured ankle. "How did this happen?" he asked, directing his question more to Thor than Natasha.

"Well, you see," Thor began, "she was moving fairly quickly, but when the charge really got going-"

Natasha coughed. "Thor, why don't you let me take it from here. Thanks for the help." She bit her lip slightly before continuing. "Would you mind checking in on Bruce? Remind him this was on me, okay? Tell him I'll see him tomorrow."

Thor stood a bit straighter. "Yes, of course, I will cheer him with tales of battle and assurances of his innocence. Rest well brave Natasha. Your heroism will be told of for years to come."

Steve sat on the chair, so he wouldn't jostle Natasha's leg and waited for her to explain. She didn't speak until Thor had closed the door behind him. "Looks like I'm going to need a rain check on that date."

"Kind of figured that one out for myself. The rest is a bit fuzzy though. What happened, Nat?"

Natasha leaned back against the couch and pulled the blanket over her. Steve wasn't sure if she was trying to make herself more comfortable or if she was stalling. "I had an idea. Putting it into practice turned out a little different than I expected."

"The Bruce idea?"

She nodded. "A lullaby. When Bruce and I were in Paris, he told me his old girlfriend could sometimes calm him with her voice. I thought if I could do the same, we'd have a way to talk down the other guy when the battle ended."

"Sounds dangerous. You shouldn't have attempted it without back-up."

"I had Thor and a couple of recruits," she said. "We were in the training room. It was a controlled environment."

Steve frowned. "I meant me. I should have been with you."

She looked away. "I didn't want you with me."

"Oh." That was a tough one to swallow. Steve took in a deep breath and tried to decide how he should respond.

"Steve, I wanted to do this on my own, to show you I could," she said softly. He voice got even quieter. "To show me I could."

"I don't understand. Nat, you have nothing to prove," Steve said.

"I do though. When we were on the helicarrier and the Hulk had me trapped. I was terrified. If Thor hadn't shown up, I'm not sure what would have happened. I needed to face my fear and get a handle on it. See, now, I have a bigger fear, and I thought if I could face the old one, I could face it."

Steve sighed. "We could face your fear together. What are you afraid of, Nat? I'll have your back whatever it is."

"You," she said. "This thing between us is scarier than going toe to toe with the Hulk."

"Oh," he said, not really sure what else there was to say.

He got up and walked to the kitchen to make an ice pack for her foot. She was watching him as he worked. He was standing beside the vase of lilies. "Those for me? For our date? How did you know I like lilies?"

"The flower stand on Grant. You stopped to look at them when we would pass by. You never smelled the roses, just the lilies." He took a whiff of the lilies and looked at her. "It had to mean something. We can just consider it part of our cover. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Nat. You're off the hook. You don't have to go out with me. I was being stupid to think it was a good idea."

She frowned. "I said yes for a reason. Just because I'm scared, well, it doesn't mean I don't want this. Bring the flowers in here."

He did as she asked, setting them on the table beside her, then he put the ice pack on her ankle. "They're beautiful, Steve. I did want to go on our date tonight. I," she paused and looked into his eyes, "I wanted to come to you a few months ago, see where things might lead if we had the time to pursue this, but I didn't want to get hurt. I still don't want to get hurt, Steve. I've never been in a relationship. I'm not sure how. If you knew everything about me, you wouldn't want to be with me."

"The hospital fire," Steve said, "Dracov's daughter."

"Among other things."

"You think I didn't ask to read your file before we joined Strike, Nat? You think I didn't read everything you leaked on the net? I've known who you used to be for a long time, and I still want to be with you. See, I know who you are and how hard it had to be for you to get where you've gotten. If anything, it just makes me want you more." He fidgeted slightly. "I've never really been in a relationship either. Wasn't just that I didn't have time either. Before the serum, there wasn't much opportunity for a guy like me. After, sex with chorus girls came easy. Relationships, not so much. Tried my luck with Peggy, but duty got in the way then I woke up and met you. You kept trying to set me up, but you never bothered setting me up with the only woman I was attracted to-you."

"I didn't think I was a good option or I wouldn't have suggested anyone else."

"And, now?"

"I don't want any other woman near you. You're mine, Rogers."

"Good, because I don't want anybody else."

"I'm still scared," she said.

"That makes two of us," he said, leaning over her and pulling her face close enough he could give her a kiss. "I don't know what I'd have done if the other guy had done more than hurt your ankle."

"He didn't, " she said. "The lullaby worked. I twisted my ankle moving away from him, but I kept talking. Bruce heard my voice. He changed back. We can control the Hulk in battle with a little practice."

"Really?"

She nodded. "One fear conquered today. Any chance you could help me with the other? I can't go out, but we could have our date here on this couch."

Steve smiled and kissed her again. "Takeout and a movie it is."

Even with the pain in her ankle, Natasha felt content as she cuddled with Steve on the couch. The comedy on the screen was one she'd seen, so it didn't really keep her attention. Instead she focused on Steve's face as he laughed at one line after another. Every once in awhile, he'd look her way and smile or give her a quick peck on the cheek. It wasn't like their old movie nights. It was better. There were no pretenses about helping him understand modern culture. This was just two people enjoying each other's presence.

It was relaxing. When the movie ended, she pulled him into a deep kiss that lasted for what seemed like ages without escalating into anything more. There was no need to rush. They were building something real, and building took time. As the kiss finally broke, he whispered into her ear. "We should get you to bed. You've had a long day. Need some help?"

She nodded. It wasn't that she couldn't waddle to her room. She knew she could manage, but she loved the closeness. She wasn't ready to let it go. He picked her up and carried her to her bed. "Need something to sleep in?"

"Second drawer on the right."

He handed it to her as she pulled her shirt over her head. He didn't look away as she pulled the gown over her head. His eyes seemed to follow every movement. "I'll hit the light on my way out. Yell if you need me."

"Stay," she whispered.

He swallowed, his eyes firmly meeting her own. "You sure? You're in a lot of pain."

"I am, and even if we could do more, I'm not sure I want to just yet. I'd like to take this slow, but I want intimacy with you. I want to wake up in your arms. Is that okay?"

He smiled and started to remove his t-shirt. "It's more than okay. I want intimacy with you, too."

They shared another kiss as they lay in her bed then he wrapped his arms around her. As she lay there, just on the verge of sleep, she felt no fear, just peace. It was the first percent moment she'd ever felt in her life.