Song 1 - Witch - Be Steadwell
In retrospect, Asami wasn't proud of what she did next, but at the same time it was all she could think of to do. For Iroh, his wife crawling into bed with him in the middle of the night and giving him urgent kisses came as a surprise, but Asami had a point to prove and it couldn't wait.
She tried to keep her grip on reality, on her husband whom she pledged to love forever, and not on her friend on the couch asleep downstairs. They were in the throes when her mind started to drift. The trick was to never close her eyes, or the hands on her body would transform, brown eyes to blue, even his dulcet tones morphed into the soft cadence of Korra's voice.
The first moments were all about fighting that dream. Korra trusted her, and even if there was the slightest possibility anything more could happen, two things were utterly apparent that should prevent it, she was married, and ultimately, too late.
The second June popped into her mind, something inside her snapped, and her eyes slammed shut.
Korra was gazing at her, her smile open and even, she couldn't help but kiss it, but bite her lip for fear of crying out her name. In bed with her husband was not the time.
Next thing she knew she was under the cold of her shower touching her lips. She couldn't stop the rage of bad ideas, thoughts that kept her fingertips tracing her own cupid's bow. If Korra were here right now under the stream she'd simply lean on her, maybe kiss her shoulder. If she were about to cry, she should at least weep where she felt most at home.
What is wrong with me?
After scrubbing cigarette and shame from her teeth, she stood in clean bed clothes watching her husband sleep, feeling impure and parched. She considered the pros and cons of finding an empty room in this house and crawling into the cold miserable darkness where she belonged.
Her head was throbbing, she needed to drink, but the kitchen was through the living room wherein the star of her dreams was slumbering.
Korra could never know, but how could she not from looking at her? How could she be dishonest to the person who read her best? Who on earth could possibly do that?
She was a phantom stalking the halls, biting her nails, sunrise pouring through the windows and cooling everything it touched. She resolved never to close her eyes again as she purposefully avoided eye contact with the pink radio left on the counter, and stepped over where she and her friend had swayed as gentle as the breeze.
It was all she could think about until a shout had her flinching.
Korra was having a nightmare. Asami found her bolt upright, knuckles white clutching the fabric of the couch. Footsteps had her twisting back, blues searching, settling on Asami.
"Korra," before she knew it, she was already stood in front of her, combing her fingers through her hair, cradling her forehead against her stomach. Korra was using her grip on her shirt to ground herself, slowly easing her tremble. This was an old pattern Asami had almost forgotten.
"I'm sorry-" she breathed.
"Shh," Asami hushed her, stroking Korra's hair behind her ears, "assume the position,"
Korra had suffered physically and mentally over the years, a car accident in her youth had thrown her life off course, while she reclaimed her strength, her confidence and autonomy, she still couldn't shake the nightmares. Asami had been critical to help her through it, stepping up where her parents couldn't, or Korra wouldn't allow. It culminated in more nights than she could count, cradling her head and stroking her hair until she felt safe and real enough to sleep.
"What, I'm-"
"I said shh," she gestured for her to slide aside. Half awake, a little disgruntled but ultimately amenable in her compromised state, Korra did as she was told.
At an angle Asami tucked her toes under the arm rest, arranged a blanket just so over her stomach and lap. It was then Asami stopped, cheeks raging, this felt far more intimate than she should allow given her state of mind. It only got worse when she noticed Korra hesitating.
"Is this too much?"
"No just," Korra's lips twitched up, "deja vu,"
"We can just… talk about it?" Asami offered half heartedly. Korra was shaking her head before she finished asking.
"It's fading," she dropped her gaze, "I'd rather not relive it again."
Asami intended on being tender, taking a finger and tilting her chin up, but all she could concentrate on was preventing that finger from shaking.
"Come on,"
Korra's head was back in her lap, her arms about her waist, and Asami curled those soft tendrils around her fingers once again. Despite the early morning she'd just had, her primal imaginings became the furthest thing from her mind then.
"Wow,"
"What?"
"This feels the same." She looked down at her profile, where Korra laughed, and her half smile could be perceived as being full, just this once.
"Appreciate it." Korra closed her eyes dutifully, and heaved a sigh before opening them. "Did you shower? And change," She rolled on her back to look up at her, confirming her friend's hair was still dewey.
Asami absolutely didn't want to tell her exactly what she'd been up to, and in the absence of an answer, and inability to think up a lie she told a half truth.
"I smoked."
"What?"
"I-I had a stressful night and I just fell into that old habit and god I regret it, and I had to scrub it off my skin."
"And you told me to quit!"
"I wasn't thinking!"
"But you're the brains!"
"Shut up and go to sleep." She covered Korra's eyes, and felt the flutter of her eye lashes tickle her palm as she blinked and shook with laughter. Soon enough, with a little help with a thumb tracing bridge of Korra's nose, Asami had her best friend cradled in her lap asleep.
Oh this is worse, Asami thought admiring slack features, this is much worse, Korra nestled her ear instinctively into the soft and warm, I'm in love with her.
Asami was horizontal when she awoke, and cold.
She had a vague recollection of twisting that way and Korra folding in beside her without complaint.
The initial disorientation of not waking up in her own bed was followed by the secondary gut wrenching realisation that she was in love with her best friend. Where is she?
Columbian dry roast coffee lured her to the kitchen, where Korra was, pencil behind ear, towel over shoulder, flipping pancakes onto a plate. Oh crap this isn't helping.
The daylight made her hair shine golden at the edges.
"Hey sleepyhead," Korra cooed, without looking, swinging her hips to that little pink radio. The sight had Asami in a complete and total state of euphoria. "Iroh took his to go," and like that she came crashing down to earth.
"Did he see us?"
Korra's brows arched as she turned and placed plates, mouth flapping.
"I don't think so, I was up when he came down…everything okay?"
"Sure…are you?"
"Fine," Korra's eyes bounced, plucking a strawberry on her plate and chomping on it.
Asami pursed her lips and twisted her fingers under the table.
"Why the pencil?"
"I had a look at your bathroom, the mosaic," Korra plucked it from her ear, and pulled up sketches from a bundle she'd started on the counter. From the detail, and the quantity, it was clear Korra had been up for some time.
In one moment, Asami remembered her mother's unfinished masterpiece, and in the next, the plethora of sketches Korra had drawn of her. Asami's emotions were being swatted from one direction to another at an alarming rate.
"Your mom had all the tiles, but there were these gaps, I thought we needed more, but based on the colours I think, there was space for shells…are you okay?"
"Yeah for a moment I… forgot about her…about everything"
"Oh," Korra balked, "I-"
"It's okay," Asami reached for Korra's hand, before remembering herself and sliding back, "I'm going to get like this a lot I think, just sad all of a sudden."
"Can I say something?" Asami could only nod in assent, heart in her throat, watching her friend perch anxiously on the island stool. "I think it's time you saw him."
Asami waited for her to elaborate, but she of course knew about whom she was referring.
"He left all this pain in his wake, in your path. It made sense then to shut him out, but now you can't help it, you have to deal with what happened because you're here reliving it." she reached out tentatively to brace her forearm, little did she know her thumb evoked a chill of sensation, causing the down there to stand on end.
"You're older, you're stronger, and he's alive in that prison. You never know after all these years he might have some closure for you, but on your terms, so you can take control."
Asami fell silent, watching her. It was an idea only Korra could have, bold and brave.
"I hope I'm not out of line." she tacked on shyly, using the other hand she'd reached toward her to push her food closer in apology.
"No it's an idea," Asami took that hand, a flash of an earnest gesture, "I'll think about it,"
Korra gave her that tilted head, encouraging half smile, and Asami attempted to give her back the same.
"Eat up,"
It was a marvel that Asami made it through the process of finishing what her mother started without bawling. Still, navigating such a project with Korra in close proximity, balancing over the bath, dextrous fingers at work in the plaster and tile, had a somewhat distracting affect.
She just had to get through today without blabbing, and then Korra would be gone for who knows how long, and she could return to the status quo. And that would be just fine, she told herself, just fine and or dandy.
"You alright?"
"Hmm?"
Korra didn't look up from her side, placing a tile into the fore, blue. Like her eyes.
"You haven't said anything since you started the tail." she sat back to inspect Asami's side, "And it doesn't look like it, but you started a while ago."
Asami hip checked her out of petty instinct.
"I was just…thinking," nothing she could share, of course, but she improvised, "why were you up so early?"
It was Korra's turn to go quiet.
"Did you have another nightmare?" Asami pressed.
"No,"
"Was it June?"
"No, I don't get why you're so hung up on her, really, we just slept together a lot and obviously we shouldn't have," she gestured to her near-healed face as had become her habit.
"I thought you two were…serious," Asami recalled her drug-induced ramblings, she's perfect, but she's married. If not June then who?
"We weren't," Korra shrugged.
"Oh…good then," Asami shouldn't have felt so relieved, but at the same time, having a face to the name helped her target her jealousy.
"Harsh."
"You know what I mean." she schooled her features as best she could.
"Do I?" Korra teased.
Asami bit her lip, and raised her brows, pushing expectation onto her friend.
"I wanted a head start." Korra shrugged.
As she placed another tile, Korra remembered viscerally waking up with her torso nestled between Asami's legs, her face cushioned on her flat stomach, rising and falling with her gentle breaths. All these hours later her fingers were tangled fondly in her hair, both hands, still scratching periodically even in her sleep. Korra couldn't get out fast enough without losing her damn mind.
If she felt guilty before, it tripled at the sight of Asami looking so lost. Korra had made her plans to save herself, but it killed her knowing it was while Asami seemed to need her most.
"I thought we could spar, after we were done here."
"Really?" Asami looked positively thrilled at the idea of grappling with her, for half a second, freezing only as she remembered how difficult that might be.
"Yeah," Korra grinned enthused, if a little forced, "But I don't have any work out clothes…"
"I have spares." Asami was already striding into the master bedroom. Light sweatpants and a loose tank were thrown in her direction. "See you down there!"
"What about the mosaic?"
"It'll be here tomorrow!" Asami called from the other room, "We deserve a break!"
The clothes felt expensive, and seemingly matched the cut of her body perfectly, tapering at the ankle, and framing her collar bones just so. Her arms, objectively her best feature, had full freedom of movement, and Asami couldn't help but regret her choice as she watched Korra's back muscles rise and work while Korra stretched and tied her little tufted pony tail.
"Should we warm up?" Korra asked, admiring the dojo. Now with all its lights on, it looked even more beautiful. The wood on the bars and floor was dark and rich, the mats dusted and polished, the weights in the corner had their just unboxed sheen.
"Did you warm up when the husband took a swipe at you?" Asami jibed, tying her own hair up high. She'd opted for long sleeves, her thumbs woven through at the tops to keep them from slipping, and Korra's touch from igniting her there. She could only find her shorts however, after giving her best pants to Korra, she hoped that would be enough to keep her covered. She had nothing to worry about at any rate, leg work was her specialty.
"Hajime!" Asami announced with a punch, Korra ducked back, losing her footing. She made a noise of protest, but the rush was undeniable. She found her form, smiling, and went for a high kick. Asami had her twisting away with the back of her hand, and they fell into that old sparring pattern, evenly matched, if a little out of practice.
Excitement burned low in her belly, visceral and deep. Asami was a competitor through and through, and meeting Korra all those years ago, she'd finally found her match.
Muscle memory was a remarkable thing. Except, now Asami could finally feel that degree of difference, perhaps it was the time between matches, perhaps it was because Korra's body had changed. She was stronger in a lot of ways, and incredibly well guarded, she found it tough to find an opening in her stance.
Still she noticed something that she was sure was there before, but now she was certain of it. Asami could sense she was giving Korra more opportunity to strike, to overpower her, these were mistakes of course, but at every turn, Korra seemed to ignore them completely. After a while it became infuriating.
You're better than this. She seethed internally, and once there was a spark, it didn't take long until she could fuel the angry flame. Why are you holding back?
Korra caught her forearms before they connected with her, but instead of taking advantage she braced them for but a moment. Asami tackled her, ungracefully taking out her feet with her own, but it did the job, her legs tangling with Korra's, twisting and attempting to get the upper hand, or at least making a show of it.
It all came to a halt, Asami had mounted her, palm drawn back, fist curled in Korra's top. Korra had her head turned away, bracing for the final hit, sweat painting her skin as she held her breath.
Asami could hear her without her even speaking. Her words from days ago, floating back into the fore of her mind.
All this time and she…she's so perfect, but she's married. She could feel the ring on her finger so acutely it was burning her.
"Me,"
Korra popped open an eye, curious as to why Asami hadn't ended the match yet.
"You never told me," Asami's breath skipped, her lips twisting as she wrestled with the great sadness that had settled upon her soul. The kind that sensed the way her life should have gone, and missed it.
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" it was too late to make any kind of difference, but she begged all the same.
Her fingers came up to meet Korra's jaw, and she watched her entire visage change at such a simple touch, she grew tense, only to soften as Asami balanced her forehead over hers. Her eyes were so big and so blue, Asami couldn't help but just fall into them.
Korra couldn't comprehend what was happening, her heart was pounding in her throat, Asami was so close, close to her secret, closed over her body, surrounding her.
Against their better judgements, Asami bowed her head, and Korra rose up to meet her.
Their kiss was firm and sure, the only instinct Asami had left was to cup Korra's jaw and keep her there, not that she needed to. A sigh escaped her when Korra knotted her fingers at the base of her head.
They were an island, nothing in reality could touch them, not as Asami's thighs squeezed her, or Korra engaged her core and twisted, planting Asami's back on the polished mat. They were alone, and exquisite, at least until their lips parted.
"What?"
"Oh my god,"
Korra scrambled to dismount her.
"I'm sorry," she bounced her eyes, rubbing them, euphoria quickly being replaced with mortified shame.
"I kissed you,"
"We both-" Korra couldn't help the crack in her voice, her eyes were leaking, she bee lined for the stairs. This is not what she wanted. This is not how she imagined it. Absolutely perfect, and devastating all the same.
"Korra wait!" Asami called after her, she couldn't catch her until the kitchen. She grabbed her wrist and Korra stopped, a statue refusing to look at her. Chest heaving, glaring ahead unblinking, teeth worrying her lip. "Talk to me,"
"You're not thinking straight," she whispered back, her voice a broken husk. Korra shook her head, and it was in the motion Asami spied the stream of tears falling down her cheeks.
Asami didn't know where to begin, the dreams, the growing obsession, the L word that was ricocheting around her chest at an alarming rate.
"You drew me,"
"I draw a lot of things,"
"Thirty pages," Asami slipped her grip to squeeze the palm she trapped, "You told Kai you loved a married woman…it's me isn't it?"
"I…it doesn't matter. This is a mistake, you made a commitment," her voice struggled to speak the words, the obvious, she'd never heard Korra sound so vulnerable, so small, like she was giving up everything just to tell her this, "you're just confused…" she looked up at the ceiling, begging the heavens to evaporate her where she stood, "this is what you want," she gestured to the room they were in, the oven, the fridge, the fruit bowl, the chairs and table, "not me,"
"What do you want?"
"Don't,"
"Korra please."
"I can't." but when she felt the tug on her fingers, she couldn't help but make the turn, she closed her eyes to keep from looking into the sun.
"Forget everything else." Asami cupped her jaw again, thumbing away the tears away "If I asked you to kiss me now, would you do it?"
Korra had to steel herself, gripping Asami's wrists to keep time still just this once. Asami was giving her what she needed to process, and beneath everything that overwhelmed her was a tidal wave of pure joy.
"Ask me,"
"Kiss me," Asami was already closing the distance as she spoke, but Korra had her stepping back, until her back hit something hard and metal that shunted back a little when Korra's thumb traced over her lip, coaxing them apart, moving as close as she dared.
She could feel her trembling beneath her, simply from being pressed close, something she could only guess at before in her wildest dreams. She could taste the want in the air between them, and finally she could see that Asami's reflected her own.
"Korra," she whimpered, breath shaking. Her lips finally found hers in a gentle kiss, innocent in comparison to the ones that preceded it. Asami keened as the tension snapped, unravelling Korra's hair from its tie as she clutched her close. Korra's hard hands bracing Asami's hips against the fridge. The kisses became encompassing and frantic, trying to crush in years of lost time, missed opportunities. Their grips tight and insistent, fingers twisting into clothes and locks and lips bruising from the deep, needful embrace.
Korra felt the slide of Asami's lipstick, and tasted what she had longed to, teeth catching the plump rouge and tugging her, earning a moan and scratch on her shoulder.
Suddenly she felt a cold, sharp, steel reminder of why this shouldn't be happening, digging in to her scalp. Asami's wedding ring, like that she remembered her presenting it to her, no, it was Iroh's grandmother's.
She surged back, stung by it. The sound of Asami's gasp falling out of her hit her hard in her chest.
"I can't do this… it's not fair on…" she swallowed, shaking her head, numb, "we shouldn't be friends anymore."
"Korra, Korra no," Asami had her hand in her grip again, only to have it ripped away, "I can't be happy without you."
"Neither can I," Korra admitted in the grip of her newfound lunacy, making for the door despite her whole being screaming at her to turn back. "Don't follow me,"
Song 2 - Bite The Hand - Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus