9.

Showered, shaved, shaking, Demyx made his way to that garden.

He wants this. He really wants this.

He felt vaguely dissociated, time passing too quickly and too slowly. In the semidarkness, he saw the flickering bulbs of fireflies, and by the fountain, a small lantern.

"You came," Ienzo said.

"I'm here."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't realize how what I said would make you feel-"

"It doesn't matter." He took a breath. "I'm not good enough for you, Ienzo, I'm not smart enough. You deserve someone who can keep up with you-"

Ienzo drew him into an embrace. "I like you precisely because you're different," he said. "You see the world differently. And I need someone like that in my life. All I know is… the idea of hurting you or cutting you off… hurts ." He swallowed. "I don't fully understand these feelings. But I… we deserve a chance."

"What about Even and Ansem and Dilan-"

"If they can't see I'm better with you, they don't deserve me."

"Do you think you are better?"

Ienzo nodded. "Feelings used to terrify me. They… still do. I've been… trying to quash them down, ignore them. It's all so painful. But you've shown me there's some good to it too." He reached up and touched Demyx's face. "How do you… feel?"

"I don't… know," he admitted. "It… really hurt this morning."

"I'm sorry."

"But that must mean I feel something… real? For you?" Demyx swallowed. "I want it."

"I want it too." The tension in him eased.

Ienzo brushed a fingertip across Demyx's lip. He leaned up and kissed him softly, slowly. A thick seed of relief settled in Demyx's chest, though it didn't quite ease the doubt. He chose me. Ienzo eased his tongue into his mouth, pulling him closer, and for a long while they kissed until the lantern's flame began to flicker. "Come with me," Ienzo said in a low voice, grasping the lantern.

Demyx followed him back to a new room, a bedroom off the beaten path. It seemed and smelled like it had been recently cleaned, and aside from furniture it was undecorated.

"I used to come here when I needed to be alone," he said. "Maybe you can share it with me?"

Demyx nodded. It was a quarter moon, and the light was bright and silver. Ienzo set the lantern on the bedside table. For a moment they just sat next to each other on the bed in silence.

"Here," Ienzo said, taking off Demyx's glasses. "I'd hate for something to happen to these… though they do look so good on you." He kissed his cheek, then trailed down his jaw, his throat, undoing the buttons with shaky hands.

"Why are you nervous?"

"I want to show you I care about you. I need to prove it."

Demyx pulled him closer. Ienzo straddled him, his thighs tight and tense against Demyx's. He let his hands creep up under Ienzo's shirt, pulling it off. The moonlight almost made his skin glow , and the angle was perfect for Demyx to kiss that scar, that collarbone. He heard Ienzo gasp, his hips rocking a little against him, a muffled and lovely sensation that made him harden. Ienzo tugged his own shirt off, tracing patterns along scar lines.

"Look at you," he said softly. He rested against Demyx for a moment, hugging him tightly.

"This isn't fair." Demyx pulled a hand through his hair. "You're so beautiful."

Ienzo kissed him hard. Demyx felt one of his hands fumbling at the catch of his pants. It was more than a little awkward, but they managed to get out of their pants. The warmth of Ienzo's skin was almost too much and he wanted-

The kisses were messier now, needier, and Ienzo pressed him against the mattress. Ienzo rubbed at him through his underwear, making him gasp. His hips bucked up against him and for a moment they just moved together. Demyx felt the heat of him right on his cock and gasped. "I… want…"

"What do you want?" Ienzo asked breathlessly.

But if eating him out made Ienzo uncomfortable, how uncomfortable would being inside made him?

"You can tell me, it's okay," he said.

"I don't want to… cause you… dysphoria? Or whatever?" He laughed nervously.

"Oh, you mean-"

"It's just kind of rubbing right against-"

"It does feel good," Ienzo admitted, almost with a groan. "It does feel…" His eyes rolled a little. Then a nod.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Yes, I…" He eased up a little, to help Demyx out of his underwear. "I trust you." He shifted forward to ease off his own. Ienzo pulled him close, and rubbing up against each other without anything at all was even brighter. "Yes," he said again.

Demyx chanced touching him. He was starting to get to know it, where to touch him and for how long. The clit was hard, and he gratified in knowing he could make him feel this way. He slipped a finger into him, the anticipation of more making Demyx shake. Ienzo bucked against his hand and grasped at his cock.

Demyx pulled his other hand through Ienzo's hair and kissed him. The edges of his vision, already blurry without glasses, grew even more distant.

Almost hesitantly, Ienzo pulled away. "Can you help me?" his voice was hoarse, immediate, only turning Demyx on more. He propped himself up.

In it all, just a lick of sense. "Don't we need a-"

"I promise all is fine in that regard," Ienzo said shortly. He pressed his mouth against Demyx's shoulder. "Nothing to worry about."

Demyx had to guide it, with his hand. Just feeling the tip of it against Ienzo made him shudder . Ienzo eased down onto it. The tightness, the heat, the friction all so needed- "Oh," Ienzo said, and Demyx didn't know what to read into that expression.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. No, you-" It seemed difficult to speak. He kissed him. "You feel-" He thrusted against him once, gasping a little. "It's good." He started moving a bit harder, his small noises almost better than feeling him around his dick. He held fast to Demyx's shoulders. "Just… lean back. Lean back a bit."

A bit awkward to do so the way they were joined, but Demyx did, kind of sitting up along the headboard. It was easier to hold him like this, so Demyx pulled Ienzo closer. They were moving together now, gently. He tried to listen to Ienzo's reactions, creeping one hand between their tangled bodies to find his clit.

"I don't… I don't need it," Ienzo said, his head lolling a little. "Please just…"

Demyx pushed up against him harder. There was a small, tight pit in his stomach, getting more insistent all the while, and he felt dizzy. A moan left him. "You feel so-" He choked on a gasp; Ienzo sank down on him hard. "That. Please." It took a few tries to do it with him properly, but once Demyx figured it out Ienzo was making these soft beautiful noises.

Ienzo opened his eyes. There it was again, that flicker of the person below all this. "It's making sense," he said.

"What?"

"Kiss me."

Demyx did so, wrapping his arms around him more tightly. They were both moving faster, more urgently, and like before Demyx felt a sort of spasm roll through him, only now he could feel it clench so beautifully around his cock. He found he was having to fight to hold back now, but Ienzo just felt so good and it felt like there was nothing between them, no judgement or bad memories or accidental hurt.

Demyx felt him clench again. He was able to thrust against Ienzo once more before it happened.

He'd already felt Ienzo come against his mouth and hand. But to feel it against his cock was completely different, and he moaned against his shoulder, unable to fight anymore. It felt like unravelling, and hearing Ienzo's gasps pushed him farther. They were clutching each other tightly. A thick, heavy sort of relief broke over him, leaving him feeling raw.

So hesitantly, Ienzo looked him in the eye, so much more present. He kissed him once, gently this time. "Hey."

"Hey." He was still a bit breathless. "You… were…"

"So were you. Do you think you could-"

"Oh… right." Demyx eased his softening cock out of him and lay back down more fully against the pillows. Ienzo rested his head against his chest.

"Sometimes I'm afraid," Ienzo admitted.

"Of what?"

"How vulnerable you make me feel."

"Are you afraid now?"

He looked up. "No," he said. "This is the safest I've felt in months."

"Can we stay here for a while?"

"I should like that very much."

Demyx didn't fall asleep immediately; neither did Ienzo. They just held each other in this lovely silence, and Demyx though about how much music there could be in silence. Eventually, though, he did doze, and woke in the early dawn. His back was hurting again, but he attributed it to the odd angle he'd been in when they made love.

"Good morning," Ienzo said, his voice husky.

"Good morning." He kissed him once.

"Would you like to go get breakfast with me?" Ienzo asked. "There are some good specials in town."

"Sounds good. I'm starved." He put on his glasses.

Ienzo sat up. He took a deep breath. "Oh to make the workday pass quickly."

"Even being annoying?"

"Always, Demyx, always. And I dread telling Riku how little progress we've made. Funny, they always leave that bit to me." Ienzo scowled.

Demyx patted his back. "Breakfast first. And if you're tense later, well. I can help with that."

Ienzo kissed him. It grew deeper, hotter, his tongue flicking against Demyx's. "I wish I could now."

"I know." He tucked a lock of Ienzo's hair behind his ear.

He got up and started getting dressed. The memory of the night before made Demyx… nervous. "I'm sorry, I have to ask. Yesterday, when you said we didn't need… protection, is that-"

He buttoned his shirt. "...Oh. Right. Demyx, I promise no accidents will happen."

"So do you take something, or is there a spell, or-"

"I can't have kids." He said this very matter-of-factly.

"I know, which is why-"

"I mean I can't. " He offered a small smile.

"...Oh."

"My abnormal puberty… rather wrought havoc on my hormones. A Nobody's body is influenced by the will. I wanted to look and be more masculine. Ergo, I was. That, and darkness and nothing tend to… sterilize. Much like radiation. I do not ovulate. I do not bleed regularly. Nothing will happen." His tone was a little too casual.

"...Oh. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Ienzo kissed his forehead. "We have an intimate relationship. Of course you want to know if that can… have unintentional results. It's only responsible."

He cleared his throat. "Does that mean… I am too? Sterile?"

Ienzo frowned. "You were mostly grown when you came to the Organization, but you were also twice a Nobody. Sadly, it is possible."

"...Oh." It made him feel uncomfortable, and he wasn't sure why. He decided not to think about it for now. He started getting dressed as well. "What do you feel like eating?"

"Anything as long as there's coffee."