Disclaimer

I still don't own the characters; they belong to Shonda Rhimes. This work is not for profit.

I want to thank you all for your reviews, they always make me happy, but since the last chapter I've been feeling a bit bogged down, so Smiley 714 and Guess… thank you, thank you so much, for your comments which are not only benevolent but also helped me to find the path I wanted this story to evolve into. Guess, your opinion means a lot to me. I try to find the right word for the feeling I want to convey, and in English, it is not easy for me. So, if I can do it a bit, I'm super happy. I understand your request, everyone loves happy endings ... But unfortunately, life is not always like that. I hate being spoiled and I try never to do to others what I don't like being done to me😉... I promise it won't be very long. So, since I've found my way back let's go for a few chapters and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 7

Callie was exhausted from the chemotherapy sessions, she spent every morning at the hospital, where she was injected with the virulent poison into her veins. Always accompanied by Arizona that did not leave her at all, they then went back to the hotel. The evenings, had now become a sad ritual, she was shaken by terrible nausea, she vomited for hours, she felt like she was going to die in that bathroom.

Attentive to all her needs, her ex-wife did not leave her for a second, she stood behind her. Without a word, she stroked her back to soothe her, affectionately lifted a strand of hair that fell on her face, offered a glass of water, and then installed as comfortably as possible with cushions and blankets on the bathroom floor, they waited for endless hours for the nausea to disappear. There was nothing to say, both knew they had to go through it. Callie exhausted, always dozed off.

Arizona did not fall asleep, she remained vigilant, she observed the slightest clinical sign of Callie, but she was not only a doctor, she was also the ex-wife who held in her arms the woman she had loved so much, the woman to whom she had decided one day to unite every minute of her life.

The emotions that passed through her, became more difficult to manage day by day. Her mind was constantly travelling between the reminders of their past, the horror of the present and the anguish of the future, but she had promised to herself to hold on, so she was holding on.

Lying on the floor, her head resting on the blonde's thighs, Callie feels soft hands massaging delicately her head, fingers gently painting her thick hair. The eyes half - closed, she smiles. For Arizona, this gesture, was always natural, Callie felt immediately comforted when she passed her fingers through her hair, but she felt that it also soothed Arizona. She sneers inwardly, it was always a win-win between the two of them. Her smile faded at the thought, in her state what she had to offer? Annoyed by this thinking, unconsciously, her body tensed up, alerting Arizona to her awakening.

- Hey, are you feeling better?

- Yeah... I mean, I guess. Can we stay a little longer?

-Of course.

Silence settles down again in the room, Arizona starts the massage again and Callie lets her mind sail. Weirdly it wasn't uncomfortable, like something familiar. If she didn't know better, she might believe that she was in apartment 502, before all the tragedies and maybe Marc was going to pass her head through the bathroom door with her big smile, which would certainly annoy Arizona considerably, but she would make up for it, later, and she'd make love to her passionately. Callie smiled at the memory, it was not without a fight, but it was the great happiness!

- Arizona?

- Um?

- Do you think there is only one person for you in the world? You know this soul mate thing... uh because we split up , uh... I don't know how many times, however, we're still here together, in this bathroom.

- Yeah, we always had a bathroom thing. The blonde deliberately dodges the question with a joke.

- What? asks Callie incredulously

- I kissed you by surprise in a bathroom.

- True, our first kiss at Joe's. Callie sighs with nostalgia

- Your eyes stopped looking at me with contempt and anger in another bathroom

The brunette raising her head questions with the gaze

- In court for Travis's case. Something happened in this bathroom. You were upset, but your eyes finally told me something other than "I hate you, you're a dirty cheater who broke me" and it's been months since you've looked at me like that. Yeah, one thing happened in that bathroom. Says the blonde becoming pensive. She was convinced that, this day, when they had exchanged a laugh in the court bathroom, she had won what she wanted more than anything: Another chance.

Callie thinks back to that moment, she was surprised that her wife came to support her. They were so far away at that time. She was terribly angry with Arizona, she didn't recognize her anymore, she didn't understand her anymore, they hardly talked to each other anymore.

However, when she found herself in that court, charged with medical malpractice, Arizona was there. As now, Arizona was still there.

- Yeah, I remember much more fun stuff in the bathroom with you… With a mischievous look Callie raises her head towards the blonde who smiles.

- Oh but I remember that too.

- and today we are still lying on the floor of a bathroom waiting for me to finish vomiting. This is pathetic.

- No, it's not pathetic at all, it's us!

- So, we're pathetic Giggle Callie hopeless, eyes lost in the distance

Arizona shook her head negatively, she looked up at the ceiling trying to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes, and controlling the emotion that pervaded her. Callie's condition terrorized her, she ate little, was emaciated, the chemo had begun its ravages, and the careful observation of the doctor in her, lacked none of the signs of her weakening, nor of her dejection.

- Four times. Resumes the blonde, wishing to interrupt her ex-wife's thoughts that she assumes sad. Callie has been in a dark mood in the last few days.

- What?

- We separated four times... and it was each time more painful.

- I know, I was there every time. She pokes fun half thoughtful, half bitter. I think we relied too much on the fact that most of the time we understood each other with a look. When things got complicated, when the eyes weren't enough, when it required more explanation, we didn't know how to talk. We could have done it differently... I, should have done it differently.

I mean… I should have given you time, I always skip the steps. A vacant look on her face she speaks for herself as if she were alone. When I think I was asking for children, even before we lived together. I …I think I was afraid of losing you actually.

Practically rising from her position, eyes wide open, she looks at Arizona, as if she had just had the revelation. She exclaims. Oh shit, do you think I was trying to get you stuck into a life with me, forcing you to commit with a child?

The blonde pulls her against her and settles her comfortably again to try to calm this sudden excitement that she observes the frowns. Disenchanted, she inhales loudly.

- Calliope Iphygenia Torres, I advise you not to take this perilous path, I think it might make me angry. I never felt stuck with my daughter, and I'm not the one who suffocated and wanted to be free! Okay?

Callie had a knack for letting her mind wander towards anguish until she finally believed it and made it real, and in those moments, she was absolutely uncontrollable. It was unfair and so confusing that it always left the blonde speechless. This behavior had contributed to so many misunderstandings between them, it had so often irritated Arizona that words had come out a little harder than she would have liked. She glances at her ex-wife, who focused on her rantings didn't seem to be upset. Continuing the tender massages in the raven hair, she speaks gently.

- To climb the mountain there are always differents ways and we did not always agree on the one to take, so, we always took the most difficult without taking all the safety measures. And, we ran down the slope several times. But anyway, the main thing is that we keep climbing and I swear you will reach the top, even if for that, I have to carry you on my shoulders.

Enveloped by the power of the affection of these words, Callie looks up gratefully at the woman who has been supporting her for weeks now, without the slightest flaw. She monitored her sleep, her health, her mood, day and night. She looks at the shadow that had formed around the magnificent sea blue eyes in which, when you had the privilege that she let you plunge into it, you could see the depth of her soul, and the immensity of her heart broken so many times, but always ready to start again, she was her little soldier. No matter, what they had experienced, what they were to each other today, Arizona was her person all over the world, the one she needed when the weight of life was too heavy, the one who was always there to relieve the burden. Sensing that she was overwhelmed by feelings that she could no longer see reappearing, in this situation, she proposes.

- We should go to bed.

- Are you sure?

- Arizona, you look more exhausted than me, you must sleep too

The blonde helps her ex-wife to get up from the ground. She lost strength every day, so Arizona gives a helping hand on the mode of joke, she was highly imaginative to avoid her the slightest effort without making obvious her extreme weakness. In her most playful voice, she warns as if she were talking to Sofia.

- Before you fall asleep, you must eat a little. My mother made you her miraculous soup. When we were kids, Tim and I healed of everything with her soup, it should be paid by social insurance system

- Okay for the miraculous soup meets Callie's mind elsewhere

When the blonde returns to the room, with a bowl of soup and medication on a platter, Callie lying on the bed had her eyes fixed on the ceiling. She is not fooled by the situation; she knows her state. It seemed like it was now or never, they had left so much hanging in the air, throughout their relationship. If she were to leave, she wanted Arizona to be totally appeased and healed from the wounds she had inflicted on her.

She was worried about how her ex-wife might react to another loss. Callie was obsessed with the idea that Arizona didn't deserve another heartbreak, and she didn't want to be the cause of this new grief again.

- You are my only person, whatever happens, you must remember that, you have always been my person

A half sad smile on her face, Arizona puts the tray on the table and turns her back to get out of her ex-wife's room without a word. She cannot deal with those kinds of statements, not right now. She is afraid of collapsing in front of Callie. For days she has been overwhelmed by emotions, memories happiness, conflicts, everything she would have wanted to do otherwise, everything she would have liked to take back, all the love she knows she never stopped feeling for Callie. But above all, she's scared. She is afraid for Callie, she is afraid for Sofia, she is afraid for herself, she is not ready and will never be ready for her to exist only in her head.

-Arizona!

- Um?

- Please don't go.

The sweetness of the pleading words stops her instantly. She realizes that Callie wants to talk to her. She's trying to get back to their old lives. She wants to explain herself, she seems driven by the urgent need to settle things, as one writes a will, as if she feared running out of time. Arizona lets out a tear. She knows that even though she is extremely ill, the Latin woman who is so protective is still trying to prepare her for the inevitable. Why did it take her so long to realize that she was safe with such an honorable and generous person? Why did she waste the time that is now precious? She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes fixed on the floor. Callie watches her with tender concern, shoulders slumped, she seemed to be carrying all the misery of the world.

- Stay, lie down with me."

- Callie that might not be a good idea.

.

- Arizona, there's no risk, I don't know where my libido has gone, but wherever it is, it's not like I have the strength for anything fun. In contrast, the comforting arms of a grateful adult are still on my mind. If that can help a little? she spoke running her fingers over the frown line between the blonde's eyebrows

Faced with the teasing glow in the black eyes that she loved so much, the blonde woman can't prevent an embarrassed laugh

-No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I mean… Don't think I imagined…

-Arizona, don't panic, I fully understand that you are afraid of succumbing to my irresistible charm." As you can see, my potential for erotic attraction is at its highest level right now! The Latina played the fatal woman

The blonde, sniffs and climbs into bed behind her ex-wife, passing her arm around her waist she lays her forehead on Callie's back

- You're amazing. Do you know that? She was admiring Callie's ability to joke in the worst situations to make them bearable, an ability which she had been using abundantly in recent days.

- So about your own libido

- No, Callie, we're not having this conversation. Certainly not.

"Okaaay," retorts the disappointed brunette, but not admitting defeat. So, what about this Italian obstetrician, doing in-depth research on orgasm?

- Callie we're not talking about Carina either! exclaims Arizona a little embarrassed that Callie knows the existence about her ex.

Despite their separation, whenever she had met someone, she had always kept the unpleasant feeling even if she knew it was fully unjustified, to betray Callie a little, or their story, or maybe, the sense that she was not where she was supposed to be.

- Carina, Carina, Carina! So, her name is Carina. Continues Callie obviously having a lot of fun at the expense of Arizona who did not want the conversation to take this direction.

Do you have a Latin style, Dr Robbins? Come on, Arizona, you can tell me. Between friends!

A shadow passes through the blue eyes, suddenly, her face closes, Arizona is visibly upset

- We're not friends Callie, we never have been. I was your date, then I was your girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend and your girlfriend again, your fiancée, then your wife, and your ex-wife but never your friend. Marc was your friend, and certainly your person, but I wasn't. So, let's focus on your healing, close our eyes and try to sleep, please.

She brings Callie closer who can feel the silent tears of Arizona through her shirt. Disconcerted by Arizona's attitude, Callie, feels that she had touched a sensitive point that her ex-wife was not ready to share, she drops the subject.

Yeah, you're right, let's sleep.

She could not close her eyes; she was sorry that her jokes provoked such a reaction in Arizona. Of course, Marc had often been the problem between them, but she thought Arizona had gone beyond this issue, for a long time. It seemed unlikely to her that this was the reason for the tears, she had ended up to adore Marc. They had found a balance in their relationship, they were like brother and sister, bickering all the time, but not being able to do without each other.

Suddenly she realizes, Arizona has given up everything to come to her rescue, she had left her career, but also her life, and… her girlfriend or what Carina was to her. Her mind sets in motion at the speed of light, she had said that she was not her soul mate, that she was not her friend either, only her ex-wife, and she had cried. There was no longer any doubt in the spirit of the overwhelmed Latin woman, "Arizona had met someone who mattered to her, and she sacrificed herself, sacrificed her life, her relationship to accompany her, to support her until…." "Why would she do that? Of course, for Sofia, as she had claimed as soon as she arrived in Portland." Questions and answers were now scrambling in the boiling Latin brain.

"Or worse, out of guilt!" considers Callie in her inner dilemma. She was aware that since cheating on her, Arizona blamed herself for the destruction of their family. She had reminded her often enough during their fights, so that she would not never forget it.

How selfish she had been. For weeks, she had relied on her ex-wife, enjoyed, and loved beyond what she would have even imagined, all the moments they had shared. She had even played flirting from time to time, without even wondering what her ex-wife felt or had left for her, as if she belonged to her. Of course, it was Arizona who had proposed, but another time she had still put her desires and needs first, without worrying about what was around. Had she not heard, when her wife had yelled at her at the therapist's, that she always decided everything?

"A spoiled child's attitude", she lectures herself, "you always want everything and immediately, when you decide"

Busy at whipping herself, she was struggling with her thoughts, when Arizona, moves in her sleep, approaching her, she is passing her right leg between hers.

Her breath stops when she feels Arizona's hand, caressing her right breast slightly, like a feather, before coming to rest on it. It was something she did while sleeping, every time they were in that position years ago, long before their divorce, even before the crash.

Her body shivering, Callie smiles and realizes that her libido was not far away. With Arizona Robbins practically lying on top of her, a hand laid on her breast, it, didn't really surprise her. She swallowed up, and allowed herself to be invaded by the memories of this intimacy they had lost and never recovered, because of Arizona's discomfort following the amputation then the discomfort that had persisted between them, after her infidelity.

Despite the sweetness of the moment, a feeling of unease pervades the Latin, it is likely that Arizona in her sleep takes her for that Carina whom Meredith had told her about. She didn't know anything about this relationship, except that the Italian girl was pretty sexy, according to the pictures she could not help but search on the web and pretty slutty according to Meredith.

Imagining Arizona in bed with another woman had always bothered her, even after their separation.

It was unfair, she knew that. She herself had had relationships, she had brought them to the hospital in addition, in front of her ex-wife's eyes. She could not even begin to understand how she had been able to bear it while still being kind and understanding. Either way, as far as she was concerned, she hated the vision of Arizona in bed with someone else.

In general, she simply avoided thinking about it, but tonight the image imposed on her, had become downright unbearable. She gets up delicately withdrawing from the embrace which would surely also be embarrassing to the sleeping beauty, if she woke up in this position.

Sitting on the couch, she's determined to talk to Arizona. Despite her illness and the exhausting treatments, their relationship had never been so peaceful. Callie feels fulfilled as she was at the very beginning, when Arizona was indispensable to her, when a few hours of separation seemed to her an eternity, when she found nowhere better comfort than in her arms.

Between her, timing has never been good. In other circumstances, she could have imagined seducing her ex-wife again. Knowing what they knew now, they could have started their story again and done so much better. However, it was the moment not to miss the boat. She had the opportunity to rise to the occasion, to leave Arizona another memory than the egoistic woman she had been for the past two years.

She was aware that her own life was hanging by a thread, what would remain of the Arizona's one, when the thread broke? She had no right to prevent to stop Arizona from going on with her life, so she had to put her first, this time

She explained it to her, she had to double-lock her in the drawer, she should never have come out of it, she had to go back into that drawer twice. The sound of Arizona crutches entering the room, interrupting the mad rush of her thoughts.

- Hey, something's wrong? You want me to stay with you and then you go? Why didn't you awake me?

- I couldn't find sleep, and you need some rest

-Do you hurt somewhere? Do you have a fever?

Triggering the fashion: - doctor panicked- super protective ex-wife, totally in love but not willing to admit it yet, or at least not out loud- Arizona rushes to the brunette to evaluate her.

- I've been thinking Arizona. You don't have to stop your life for me. You need to come back to Seattle and keep moving forward. Up her eyes to heaven the blonde sighs before answers with a firm tone.

- We've already talked about it Callie! We're going back to Seattle together and you're going on with your treatment in Seattle or you're doing your treatment in Portland and I'm not leaving Portland! End of the matter. And please stop telling me what to do!

- I am nothing but your ex-wife…

- And you think it's nothing?

- No but..of course not …I mean… you don't have to sacrifice your career, your relationship, your life for your ex-wife!

- What's wrong with you today? What relationship are you talking about? Carina? Arizona looked visibly annoyed

I don't know who told you about Carina and I don't even want to know. Damn it, Meredith will hear me! Arizona mumbling vowing to lambast the surgeon, and the whole Grey Sloan Memorial rumor mill. You don't have to worry about Carina, okay! She warns firmly frowning

Confronted with her ex-wife's frustration and her fierce desire to protect her girlfriend, Callie looks down, hiding the feeling of sadness mixed with a little jealousy that she wished she hadn't felt.

- Sorry, you're right, it's none of my business, I've crossed the line. Again. But…

- Look, Carina is… uh … was…

The blonde hesitates, wiggling her fingers anxiously, she looks for the right words, leaving Callie in distressing uncertainty.

- That's okay, you don't have to justify yourself, you don't have to say anything Arizona, I understand…

- Ah! What! What do you understand Callie? You are once again putting words in my mouth and creating problems where there are none! Gets annoyed Arizona raises her tone in spite of her

-You cried when you fell asleep! And… For the first time I don't know why you're sad. Because you've had a life without me for years, and you gave up everything overnight.

Arizona closes her eyes; she doesn't want to be overwhelmed by the annoyance. She tried never to lose her temper, at first Callie was sick, and anyway nothing came out good in this way with the Latina.

She really would have preferred to avoid this conversation. They had other problems right now to have to worry about a relationship in which she had not even really been involved. Moreover, she really did not want to discuss about that, with her ex-wife. She didn't want Callie to be her friend, she didn't want Callie to be happy about her relationship, but she didn't want to consider a romantic relationship with Callie either. How to explain, there was such a mess in her head. But she knows Callie, she can't leave her with that in mind, she's going to push, and push again until the explosion, so she resigns herself reluctantly.

- Damn! You know I don't like to hear about your exes and I hate to tell you about mine… I don't know what to call it …

She opens her eyes wide looking for an adequate definition. Uh … It's …Carina it's … "It was sex medication"! A grin of dismay is written on her face as soon as she has used this expression to say the least, demeaning for her ex-lover and so pitiful, said out loud.

Anyway it's not a relationship I've really been involved in. Believe me, she's certainly already moved on. Sooo, we're focusing on what we're doing here.

- Sex medication? Callie, winces, rather stunned by the metaphor

- Yeah, that thing. You know. Not really a relationship with which you are considering a future, but it's nice and you don't always go home alone in an empty house. She sighs. I kind of accepted the idea that I have had my big story and it's okay now. So, one nice thing, it was pretty good, and then I'm a little old enough, to flirt and get hit on in bars.

Callie, seems bewildered and even disarmed by Arizona romantic relationship theory. If she, falls in love immediately, her ex-wife in contrast has a vision of sexuality, extremely detached from feelings. She knew that, she always knew that, but it's always a little disconcerting to hear it. Not that Arizona had so little regard for her. On the contrary, the blonde had literally changed her habits when she met her. Callie even wondered at that time, if they would end up having sex one day. Indeed, the pediatric surgeon had been really very respectful of her body for very, very long months. Years later Arizona had confessed to her, that she knew from the first kiss that it was different with Callie, and she was panicked at the idea of not being up to it, which had brought the story of the newborn to zero in bursts of laughter. She cannot conceal a smile, thinking that her wife loved no one as she had loved her.

-You say it yourself, you are not even my friend, only my ex-wife, and you don't have to do that.

- But I want to do it. If you let me. She whispers, nodding a shoulder I'm sorry I said things wrong again.

She sits on the table to face Callie, lowering her head to try to catch her gaze. She takes a deep breath, and slowly expels the air between her tight lips, as she always does when she has to find the courage to verbalize the emotions that she has kept for years deep inside her.

- I am afraid. I've always failed with you. All along our history, I've tried so hard to live up to it, but I've always failed. I was so scared that I even ran away from happiness for fear that it would escape. She sneers. For some reason I was always afraid of losing you, she shrugs her shoulders in spite. And that's exactly what I ended up getting. I have lost you. And I'm scared because this time, I can't fail. I want you to heal so badly Calliope, I want this more than anything, but I'm afraid I'm not the right person for you. Marc would be that person for sure, but I never succeeded.

- Is that it?"

- is what it?

- Is that what makes you panic? You still think you're doing worse than Marc? Looking up at the sky, Callie exclaims. Arizona! How a person as smart as you, can say so much nonsense in a single sentence?

Who do you think I needed in that bathroom in court? I was tearing it up, you come and with your little Sofia's drawing and your butterflies bullshit on my tights, you make me laugh and you put me back on my feet. You put me back in confidence in a jiffy, so I could testify, while there was a microphone in front of me and everything. Nobody else can do this!

Arizona laughs at the memory of Callie's phobia of speaking in public, but especially when there is a microphone.

-Yeah, I didn't know if you had thought about the microphone." I've been really worried about this for days, but I didn't even dare come and talk to you about it.

-I was terrified when I saw it when I entered the court, I thought I was going to run away." Callie exclaims between two laughs; she looks the blonde in the eyes.

-You have been, and you are, more than up to the task, Arizona. Life has thrown us so much shit in a few years. Yet look at us, we're still here together, going through another ordeal. And it's all because of you. I don't call it a failure.

In whose arms I was crying, when my family rejected me? Who was there after the car accident?... Taking a deep breath, the Latin exhales a heavy sigh. Despite all who gave me what she held dearest in the hope of making me happy? I never needed anyone else like you.

Arizona looks up tearfully at the brunette whose eyes were shining too. No one can reassure her, like this woman, she needs her so much too.

- Stop firing me then. She moans in a low voice

Callie gets closer and moves a lock of blonde hair falling in front of the blue eyes, smiling she says

- I stop firing you

A comfortable silence settles between the two women shaken by so much emotion. Suddenly Arizona clears her throat.

- I don't want to be your friend, you can't be my friend either. You're the one I wanted a life with, not what you want with your friends. I'm… "your daughter's other mother your ex-wife who still cares a lot about you," but not your friend.

- Okay, Callie not hiding her joy, goes into actress mode, reaching out to an invisible character in front of her.

"Hello, let me introduce to you "my daughter's other mother, my ex-wife who still cares a lot about me." Um... it's a little long, but I'm buying

Arizona takes the blanket on the back of the couch, she wraps Callie on it while giggling at her ex-wife's childhoods

- Come on "the other mother of my daughter my ex-wife that I still care about a lot" Stop running your brain too fast and panicking about problems that don't exist. We only have a few hours before we go back to the hospital, so lie down and get some rest now.

- Even if the circumstances are not ideal, I really like being stuck with you, Arizona." Whispers Callie with her eyes already closed

Arizona gets closer to her and places a sweet kiss on her head. This is how her Calliope is, she passes in a flash from one feeling to another. A few years ago, she felt stuck with her, she told anyone who wanted to hear her that she was living a love with «the Perfect Pretty Penny» like she had never lived before. The blonde remembers these words! How they had hurt, and how this woman was difficult to follow. Yet she had always followed her, pursued even sometimes and she continued still.

- It's not going to be easy, no it's not going to be easy. She whispers to herself shaking her head

Thank you for reading.