Spoilers for CoE

Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or its characters

Chapter 9

Jack and Ianto worked for several days rebuilding the manipulator. The kitchen area luckily hadn't been too badly damaged so Ianto had been able to keep them fed. No coffee, much to Jack's disappointment. They took a break and were eating sandwiches and comparing notes on the various Torchwood related events. They had got to the one Jack dreaded, the 456 incident.

"So UNIT didn't help at all?" Ianto asked, taking a bite out of his sandwich. Jack shook his head.

"A bomb was planted inside my stomach. I barely got Ianto and Gwen out before I exploded. I took the hub out with me. I revived as my body was still regenerating" Jack shuddered, remembering the agony. "They then poured concrete into my cell to contain me."

"Jesus!" Ianto said shaking his head. "Who were they? Why did they do this?"

"The government had a hit list of everyone involved in the previous 456 encounter. They wanted to remove all evidence of those dealings. Luckily Gwen and Ianto rescued me and we set up a base in an old warehouse that belonged to Torchwood One."

Ianto couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Did UNIT have any involvement? Did they just stand back and do nothing?"

"I believe they were advising the government in matters to do with the 456 ambassador but I can't be sure. We were too busy trying to gather intel and coming up with a plan. And when that went wrong, well, let's just say I wasn't in the best place mentally" Jack stopped and put his sandwich down. Ianto put his down and put his arm around him.

"I'm sorry Jack. Let's change the subject."

"No I'm ok. Tell me what happened here. I'm guessing the way you have been talking about UNIT and you know about the 456 that you also had an encounter with them?"

Ianto nodded. "When it began UNIT contacted us. The General came to the hub and we co-ordinated with them. Jack called their bluff about their ship we couldn't detect. Unfortunately they then blew up Thames House. A lot of people were killed in that explosion" Ianto looked down. "Jack never forgave himself for that. Afterwards we and UNIT combined resources and long story short, we detected and destroyed their ship above orbit. It was after that incident that Jack wanted to see if we could tap into the rift for more energy. It wasn't that Jack wanted to create powerful weapons or anything like that. He wasn't like that." Ianto suddenly worried he was painting his Jack in a bad light.

"I understand. Honestly Ianto. I know if this all worked out you wouldn't be out there using it that way" Jack reassured him. "So you never went to London?"

"No we never left Cardiff" Ianto said.

Jack lowered his head. It hurt to hear how different things could have been. How his team could have been safe. How Ianto could have been safe. All the feelings or grief and regret started to resurface. Things could have been so different if he hadn't taken Ianto with him. He could feel it all flooding back. The memory he had worked so hard to bury of Ianto in his arms.

Ianto watched as Jack curled himself into a ball. The grief evident on his face as he became lost in those painful memories. He pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry Jack I shouldn't have continued talking about this.". He pulled the older man closer, feeling his own grief threatening to overwhelm him.

"I just wish things could have worked out different. Losing him, it broke me. We ran out of options to defeat those bastards. We, I mean I, had to do the unthinkable. We reflected their own signal back at them, but we had to use a child, my grandson, and I lost him too. In that week I lost my home, my love, my grandson and any relationship with my daughter. I lost everything!" He began to sob. Ianto held him close and rubbed his back. He couldn't imagine the pain Jack must have been carrying for the past 5 years.

Jack pulled away and looked Ianto in the eyes. He could feel himself drawing closer. He wanted to kiss him so much. Feel those warm lips on his once again. He could see Ianto leaning forward as well. Just one inch more. Suddenly Jack pulled back. "I'm sorry Ianto" he said moving out of his arms. "I'm so sorry I nearly did that. You are grieving for him and I am a constant reminder of what you lost only days ago. It's not fair on you. I just miss him so much but that is no excuse for what I nearly did" He picked up his food and took it to the kitchen area. Ianto sat shocked for a few minutes. Had that just happened? As he walked into the kitchen Jack turned round with a smile, but Ianto could see the sadness in his eyes. Jack's mask may fool most people, but this Jack was the same as his, and he always knew when Jack was hiding his pain.

"Right back to work" Jack said as he walked past Ianto. "This manipulator isn't going to sort itself out. And the sooner it's sorted the sooner I'll be out of your hair."

Ianto turned but Jack was gone, already back to work. He opened his mouth but the words wouldn't come out. He knew what he wanted to say. 'Please take me with you.'