Note: I just want to quickly say that none of the oneshots in this fic follow any particular timeline or anything. To be honest, they're a bit all over the place. In some, certain people are dead, some they aren't. So they're all different AU's, really. This is another Alex/Ben bonding fic coz I'm a sucker for those kind of stories. :) I hope it's not too similar to one of my earlier chapters. This note's getting way too long now so anyyywwwaaayyy, as always please R&R…

It was 02:14 AM and Alex Rider couldn't sleep. In fact, he hadn't slept at all over the last 3 days. It wasn't that he didn't want to fall asleep. Actually, it was the complete opposite! He just….couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, vivid images from his most recent mission filled his mind. Images he would rather forget.

Razim was standing over him, leering, as he pressed the button that would end Jack's life. Alex stared at the TV screen in horror, as a huge ball of flame erupted, swallowing the car that Jack had been trying to escape in. He cried out in pure grief, black spots dancing in his vision. He just had time to see the grinning face of Julius Grief -his face- looming over him, a manic look in his eyes, before the blackness consumed him.

Alex opened his eyes, shadows and flames dancing in his mind. He glanced at the clock and sighed. 02:48 AM.

He considered his options. Of course, he could lie here until he either fell asleep or the morning arrived. But, if the last few nights were anything to go by, the latter would most likely happen first and he disliked the thought of lying here for hours, trapped in his own thoughts. He might as well do something productive. Deciding that he would go for a run to clear his head, Alex sighed, rolled out of bed and got dressed.

By the time he'd pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt and splashed his face with cold water, the time on the clock read 03:12 AM. He made his way downstairs, being as quiet as possible so as to not wake Ben Daniels.

The man had volunteered to look after him and he had been living with Alex for just over two weeks now. Two weeks since Cairo. Two weeks since Jack's death. Two weeks since he had become a murderer.

Brushing a strand of fair hair from his eyes, Alex walked to the front door and started to pull on his trainers. "Alex?" The boy jumped, one shoe on, one off. It was just Ben.

Of course it was just Ben, who else could it have been? Mentally, he answered his own question; it could have been an assassin. Or an old enemy, back to seek revenge.

He shook his head; he was being stupid. "Alex?" Ben repeated. "What are you doing?" Discreetly, the teenager moved the foot with a shoe on behind his other foot, to hide it. At least, he had thought he was being discreet. "Why are you putting your shoes on at this time in the bloody morning?" Damn spies, they noticed everything (Alex included).

"I-uh- I" He stopped trying to think of an excuse and decided to tell the man the truth. "I was gonna go for a run…" Alex blushed, realizing how stupid it sounded. "A run at 3 in the morning?" He didn't answer.

Suddenly, Ben's tone softened. "Sit." He motioned to one of the chairs at the kitchen table. "No I- I'm sorry I woke you up. You should go back to bed." The man shook his head and walked down the last few steps, so he was standing opposite Alex. Gently, he pushed the boy towards the chair. Reluctantly, Alex sat.

"Coffee?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want some coffee?"

Alex laughed, despite himself. Only Ben would offer to make him a hot drink at 3 in the morning. He shrugged, "Sure."

Five minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen table, both clutching steaming hot mugs of coffee. They sat in silence for a few minutes, occasionally taking sips from their mug. Alex glanced at Ben and frowned. The man was studying him intently, a concerned look etched on his face. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Sorry, sorry." He hastily averted his gaze, only to keep staring a few moments later.

"Ben!"
"What?"

"You're doing it again!" Ignoring the accusation, the man muttered,

"Cub, when was the last time you slept?" He noticed that Ben had called him Cub, rather than Alex. Cub had been his code name when he had briefly trained with K-Unit at an SAS training camp, just over a year ago.

Back then, it had been used as an insult, a mockery of how young he was, a way to separate Alex from the soldiers. K-unit's way of silently telling Alex that he didn't belong with them and, as far as they were concerned, he never would. (As it turned out, they couldn't have been more wrong.) But now Cub was a sort of pet name. It wasn't ever used maliciously anymore. In fact, Ben usually used it when he was worried about him.

Alex sighed for the third time that night. He had thought that Ben was clueless about his insomnia. Clearly, he had been wrong. "How did you know?" Even his voice sounded weary. Ben snorted. "It isn't exactly a secret. The huge bags under your eyes were a bit of a giveaway, amongst other things."

Gently, the man rested a hand on the teen's arm. This time, it was Ben's turn to sigh. "Look, I know enough of what happened in Cairo to understand how awful you must be feeling-" Alex closed his eyes; even the name of the city made the memories replay in his mind.

"Alex, you've got to talk to someone or-"

"No." Alex cut him off. "No, I don't."

"Yes you do! Even if it's to me. You're just a kid!"

'Yeah, a kid who's saved the world multiple times." He added under his breath. Ben was getting angry now, he could tell.

"Just because you've done amazing things, it doesn't mean you're some sort of superhuman!" He looked at Alex and lowered his voice. "I'm trying to help you. Why are you so determined to keep everything bottled up?"

"I can look after myself."

"I never said you couldn't. That still doesn't answer my-"

Alex stood up suddenly, sending his chair crashing to the floor. "You want to know why I keep things bottled up? Why I don't trust anyone to help me with my issues? I'll tell you!" He was shouting now but he didn't care.

"The last time I trusted someone, they betrayed me. It turns out they were working for Scorpia all along. You wanna know who that man was? MY OWN GODFATHER! Everytime I trust someone enough to open up, they either betray me or end up dead! I've learnt that keeping myself to myself is the easiest thing to do, I'd rather not push my struggles onto others anyway. The few people I knew I could trust have all died, Jack included! And what does that tell you? Every time I share my life with someone, they end up getting killed! Clearly, their deaths are my fault! I have to live with that on my conscience. I know that isn't the best logic but I DON'T CARE! You're all I have left and I don't want to lose you as well, Ben. You mean too much to me."

Alex stopped speaking and picked the chair up off the floor, collapsing into it almost at once."Oh, Alex." Despite the seriousness of what Alex had just said, there was something close to laughter in Ben's tone. "How could their deaths possibly be your fault?"

"I-" Now, that he thought about it, there wasn't really a rational answer to that question. "I don't know, Ben. I have a lot of enemies and they could all too easily torture people who know me for information about my life." He continued, the anger he had felt only moments before was suddenly replaced by guilt and hopelessness. "Look, even if their deaths weren't my fault, I'm still a danger to everyone who gets close to me!"

Ben thought for a moment before squeezing Alex's shoulder. "Well then, that's a risk I'll have to take."

"What?"

"You can't get rid of me that easily." He grinned. "Was that why you couldn't sleep?"

"Not exactly."

"God, you have the most bizarre guilt complex I've ever seen! And I'm friends with Wolf." (Authors note: That may or may not be a sneak peek into a separate fic I'm writing :) Shhhhh)

Alex avoided meeting Ben's eyes, ashamed of the tears that had appeared in them. "Hey, look at me." He turned the teen's chin so he was forced to look into his eyes. "What's the matter now? Something I said?"

"No I-" Alex cleared his throat. "Please don't leave me." Unable to hide his emotions any longer, he dissolved into tears.

At those words, Ben felt as if his heart had shattered into a million pieces. He pulled the 15 year old into a tight hug. "I'm not going to leave you. I promise. You're stuck with me for a long time yet."

In Ben's line of work, he had no way of knowing how long he'd survive, a sniper could pick him off at any moment, but he hoped that what he was saying was true. He was very fond of the kid in his arms and he wanted to help him get through this in any way he could.

A few minutes later, Alex pulled away and smiled. "Thank you." Ben shrugged and ruffled his hair.

After realizing that Alex was clearly not going back to bed tonight, Ben glanced at the boy and asked, "More coffee?" He nodded. Oh well, they could always sleep tomorrow.