Once again thank you to my loyal reviewers, I really appreciate reading your thoughts about my story! And I knew you'd like the coffee cup ;-)
This chapter isn't all that long, but the content is something I've been wanting to include in this story from the start. I promise the next chapter will be longer, and I also promise there will be a girls night somewhere down the road!
Chapter 7
The faint smell of coffee tickled her nose, slowly letting the high-pitched giggle of a little kid fade away. She had just witnessed the cause of the joyful giggling in her dream… a man standing in a lake up to his hips, twirling a little girl with blonde curls and pink arm floats around before gently letting her drop into the water. The father had looked suspiciously like the man who smiled at her softly when she finally opened her eyes, slightly shaking her head to drift back into reality.
His heart melted at her sleepy hazel eyes trying to adjust to the daylight. He sat down at the edge of her side of the bed, holding her cup of freshly brewed coffee in one hand while tenderly letting the other hand brush over her cheek. "Good morning, sleeping beauty. Looks like you've been really far away." He bent down to place a soft kiss on her lips when she nodded, still blinking the sleep away. "Good or bad far away?"
She didn't answer right away. She'd never had a dream like this one before, not even close. It wasn't anything she'd really thought about, let alone talked about yet. Still, the thought of the scene that had just played in her very own dream land movie theater brought a smile to her face. "Good, I guess…", she finally decided, reaching out for him to pull him in for another good morning kiss. "Why are you up already?"
"I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I thought we could for once actually have breakfast before we go to work. Coffee's here", he handed her the cup, "eggs and bacon are in the kitchen." Her eyes lighting up at the mention of breakfast were without a doubt worth getting up early. "Did you know I have the best boyfriend in the whole world?" He smiled at her words and a couple of sweet kisses later she followed him into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a slip and one of his old ranger t-shirts that went down to her knees, making her look absolutely adorable in his eyes.
An hour and a half later, they had barely even entered the bullpen when she heard Hank's voice. "Erin? Halstead? My office please." Her heart sank for a second, sending her partner a questioning look, but he only shrugged, neither of them knowing what they had done that caused their boss to summon them to his office first thing in the morning. Once they were seated, Hank didn't beat around the bush. "They found Bunny. She's in FBI custody again." She closed her eyes for a brief second, trying not to feel guilty, while her hand automatically reached out for her boyfriend's for comfort. She had to give her foster father high credit for bringing Jay in with her, knowing that she'd appreciate him being there.
He softly squeezed her hand, running his thumb over the knuckles of her fingers. Even though they had known this would happen sooner or later and Erin had decided not to protect the woman who had given birth to her anymore, he still knew this information would be hard on his girlfriend. When she didn't say anything, he looked up at his boss. "So, you have any information on what will happen now?" The older man shrugged. "Nothing specific yet. There will be a trial, but given everything that has happened with the stolen pills and Johnny, I highly doubt she'll ever get out of jail again."
She let out a deep sigh. "Well… she had it coming, hadn't she? I should probably feel bad for her, but honestly? Right now, I don't. A small part of me is trying to make me feel guilty, but mainly, I'm relieved. She's done way too much damage to me and to the world in general." She felt Jay's hand let go of hers to travel across her back, showing his support. "I'm proud of you, Erin", the man across the desk said, which made her smile slightly, only to feel her body go tense again when she thought of the trial her mother would have to face. "Hank… will I have to testify at the trial?"
He could feel her body stiffen, instantly understanding why when hearing her concerns, his heart aching at the break in her voice. "I will try to make sure you don't have to", he heard his boss say through his gritted teeth. It hit him then that he had more in common with the sergeant than they both thought. They were both highly protective of the woman next to him who was so strong most of the time despite everything she had gone through but who had finally learned that it was okay to lean on other people.
"I'll let you know as soon as I get new information", Hank promised, dismissing them to go back to work. After leaving his office she went straight to the breakroom, Jay's hand not leaving the small of her back when he followed her. She thankfully took the cup of coffee he poured her without her having to say a word, sitting down at the table with him as her legs were still shaking from the news. His hand covered hers that was lying on the table when he asked her if she was okay, his voice all tender and caring. She smiled at him softly. "Yeah… I mean, it's not like I don't care at all… but it's a lot easier with you being here for me."
Her confession made his heart jump despite the rough news of the morning. Making sure nobody was right outside of the break room, he pulled her onto his lap to hug her tightly. "I will always be there for you, baby. I've got you, always. No matter what happens, you're not in this alone. You've got me, and you've also got Hank." He felt her body relax against his, holding her for a few more minutes before they headed back out to their desks.
That evening, they were sitting on the couch, watching a reality show about families with many kids neither of them paid much attention to. It was a welcomed distraction from the happenings of the day though. Grabbing the last spring roll from their Asian take out, she snuggled closer to his side, resting her head on his shoulder. "Bunny should never have gotten kids… just like that woman who doesn't even know the fathers of most of her kids", she grumbled.
He wrapped his second arm around her. "I beg to differ." When she lifted her head to look up at him frowning, he kissed her forehead softly. "If there's one thing I want to thank her for, it's bringing you into this world." He saw a big smile appear on her face before she gave him a tender kiss and cuddled up to him again, enjoying the warmth of his embrace in silence.
"Have you ever thought about having kids?"
His question took her off guard, blinking her eyes wondering if she had heard him right. What startled her even more than the question itself was the fact that he sometimes seemed to be able to read her mind. How else could it be explained that he brought that topic up for the very first time after she had been dreaming about it that morning?
When he realized he had spoken his thought out loud, he quickly turned to her to make sure he hadn't scared her too much. Gently caressing her cheek, he tried to make her feel at ease. "Sorry, that came out really bluntly. I didn't mean having kids now or any time soon. I was just wondering if you'd ever even thought about it. If that's something you can even imagine at all." The flickering in her eyes made him regret he even brought this up. "Baby… please know that no matter what your answer is, now or somewhere down the road, it won't change anything between us. I love you. All I want is for you to be happy."
She felt herself relax a little when he leaned in for an affectionate kiss. After they had pulled apart, she nestled herself into his arms again. "Sorry… I didn't mean to act all scared. It's just… you completely surprised me by bringing up that topic. Especially because…" She felt his hand cup her chin to gently tilt her head up, making her look at him when she didn't continue. She chuckled softly. "You know this morning, when you asked if I had been far away in my sleep?"
He nodded, not sure what she was trying to tell him. "I had been dreaming about it. About you and a little girl, playing by a lake while I was watching you." Her voice was barely audible, but he had still heard every single word. His eyes widened at her confession. "Really?" She nodded. "I've never had a dream like that before though. So, it surprised me that you brought that up tonight out of all nights." He could easily see why that coincidence had left her without words at first, so he just kissed her again and rocked her gently in his arms, not pushing her to answer his initial question.
After a few minutes of silence, she felt like she had found the right words. "I've never really thought about it in the past. To be honest, thinking about having kids, of raising them, of being responsible for them… it scares the hell out of me. My own mother was just about the worst role model you could possibly imagine. What if I end up not being any better than her? What if I decide to have kids and end up not being able to prevent them from the fucked-up kind of upbringing I had myself? Do I even have the right to bring kids into this world if I don't know myself whether I'm halfway capable of raising them properly?" She felt her voice trail off at the end. The thought of being responsible for an innocent little child suffering the way she suffered when she was young made her gut wrench. When she closed her eyes, the images from her dream came back to her, and suddenly there was another voice within her. She slowly lifted her head to meet his crystal blue eyes with her hazel ones that were shiny with tears. "On the other hand… the thought of having kids with you… it's the most amazing and beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind."
His heart had been breaking at her words, her worrying about not being able to be a good mother making him hurt for her. He felt a well-known anger towards her mother rise up inside of him, wishing he had known her way back then to be able to safe her from all the suffering of her early life. Bunny had done so much damage to her soul that it seemed like a miracle to him that she had still been able to end up being the woman she was today. Her tenderly whispered confession at the end put the pieces of his previously shattered heart back together and brought tears to his eyes as well. He didn't break eye contact when he gave her a loving, reassuring kiss. "Erin… you are the strongest person I've ever met. I don't know anybody else who is as warmhearted, caring, understanding and compassionate as you are. You have so much love to give it would probably be enough for a whole orphanage."
The look in his eyes made her tremble when he sat up, taking both of her hands in his as he went on. "Don't ever compare yourself to Bunny. You are nothing like her. And if I ever end up having kids somewhere down the road, it will only be with you. I wouldn't want anybody else but you to be the mother of my children." His words were so full of love and sincerity it completely took her breath away. She hadn't known she had been crying until he lifted his hand to gently wipe her tears away. "You know my father hasn't been the best role model either. But you have made me a better person, Erin. And should we ever decide to start a family, our kids would be beyond lucky to call you their mother."
By now, her silent tears had turned into light sobs, and he just pulled her close to him to wrap her up in a loving embrace, holding her as tightly as he could without hurting her. Slowly caressing her back, he placed soft kisses on her hair, which seemed to eventually soothe her. He had never decided before in his life that he definitely wanted kids, but he knew right there and then that should she ever be ready to have a family with him, he would be the happiest man in the world.
It took her some time to regain control over her body again, enjoying the safety of his embrace. She had meant it when she had said the thought of having kids with him was amazing and beautiful. It was the first time in her life she even allowed herself to think about being a mother, let alone really imagine it. Thinking of the scene in her dream, she pulled away from him just enough to be able to look at him again. "You know, Jay… I can't deny that the thought of being a mother scares me. But thinking of having kids with you actually makes me believe that I might be able to do it. Because I know you'd be the best daddy in the world."
He knew they weren't going to have kids any time soon, but he still felt himself fall in love with the beautiful woman in his arms all over again. When he met her lips with his, it wasn't to build up for something more, but to share a long, deep, loving kiss that said more than all the words they would have been able to say. Later in bed, they were cuddling intimately, just being happy to be with each other and lie in each other's arms, knowing that whatever the future held for them, it would be a future for them to share.