"So, Adam...how's it going?"
The current leader of the White Fang could sense no malice nor sarcasm in Bob's tone, considering that one moment he was sitting next to his allies, and in the other he appeared somehow in a boxed up room filled with instruments.
Both of them were sitting on rotating wooden chairs, facing each other away.
Adam scanned the room quickly, and took notice of more gear next to the instruments, perhaps something tied to music. The Studio Room was a lot more spacier than what you'd expect of a typical studio, giving a lot of room to move and place stuff.
"Considering that I am essentially trapped in the same room with the people I want to destroy, it has been going surprisingly well...but why waste my time asking the question on which you already know the answer?"
Bob snorted at Adam's response. If he still had his weapon and Semblance, the bull faunus would've gladly taught the masked man a lesson of respect.
So he was somewhat surprised when Bob's laughter ceased instantly. Truth be told, he wasn't expecting a question like:
"When did it start to be about Blake, and not about the people?"
Adam scoffed:
"What is it to you, human?"
"I simply want to know how the guy who fought tooth and nail for the rights of his brethren, doing things no one else would or could do for the sake of his people turns into nothing more than a psychotic ex-boyfriend."
"If you truly believe it is that simple, human, then I overestimated your knowledge of us."
"Believe me, I know plenty well about you...but I seek, above all, to understand you. That's what I'm missing."
Adam paused for a bit, while Bob patiently waited for him to speak up, if he chose to do so.
Fortunately, Bob didn't have to wait any longer.
"Blake was there with me, giving orders alongside me, supporting me, aiding me in our actions...and then she decides to leave me on a whim? If you really seek to understand, then realize my reaction to her foul betrayal and desertion."
"But then why waste your time on her?" Bob asked, to which Adam scoffed:
"I'm a very...vengeful person, of that you know much."
"I'm not judging you on that, I too have a tendency to hold grudges. But, heh, let me reiterate the question - why waste your time on a coward, when you have a whole race, YOUR race, that is a thousand times worth protecting?!"
Bob continued on, cutting off Adam's potential response:
"Do you know that Blake left Yang, right after you chopped her arm off? No goodbyes, no messages, no notes - poof, gone without a trace. It took the monkey boy's, out of all people, complete mental strength for her to pull her head out of her ass. And you, in the meantime, decided to kill Sienna Khan. And for what?!"
"It was no longer her place to lead the Fang. I knew that she would never accept the deal Reinart was offering, so I disposed of her. Nobody in the organization had qualms with my decision."
"The deal that Salem was offering, huh? Forgetting about that little fiasco at Mistral, are we?"
"A miscalculation. I couldn't foresee that Ghira Belladona would rally a militia on his own-"
"Lemme stop you right there. What Ghira did isn't important. Know what is? The fact that Salem found the Headmaster of Haven disposable after Cinder and her cronies were defeated, so the woman you so eagerly wanted to make a deal with took her sweet time in killing the poor guy. Imagine what she could've done to you if you slipped up."
"A risk that I was willing to take."
Adam felt confused when Bob started genuienly laughing at his response.
"Hahahah! Oh, Adam, Adam...I said could have, not would have. You know, I still can't believe you chickened out when Cinder trashed down a few of your grunts, and immediatelly went on joining her little scheme. Well, guess what bucko - she ISN'T that strong."
Adam couldn't help but feel a little bit curious to what would Bob say next. Something that he may use to his advantage later?
"Cinder, for all her power...has absolutely no skill in using it. Her over-inflated ego works against her in gaining any skill of using the power she has. If it weren't for the intervention of the Grimm Dragon, Cinder would've had her ass handed by Pyrrha Nikos. What I'm saying is that you could've easily killed Cinder and her two lapdogs, and from what I've seen - the Lieutenant knows how to use that chainsaw of his really well."
"...If you didn't pin her down like a dog and had her life in your hands, I would've called you a fool."
Bob chuckled. He was at last getting somewhere.
"Believe me, I've had my fair share of "powerful" opponents that I've killed. Remember, Adam, all the power in the world cannot guarantee of you not getting shived in the back by some common cutthroat."
"That we can agree on. I have to ask...", Adam continued,"What is the purpose of you talking to me? What do you hope to accomplish?"
Bob playfully spinned around in his chair, uttering a loud 'hm' like he was thinking of something to say. The chair came to a sudden stop, in the same position as it started from. Bob then spoke:
"When I see you, Adam, I see someone who does the dirty work, to do the things others cannot do but must be done regardless. Neither right, nor wrong - but always somewhere in the middle, gray area. Anyone can say what they want, but the fact is that Ghira Belladonna's attempts to peacefully help the faunus did not work - but your attempts, violent as they may be, helped your people. It was the only thing you could do at the moment."
"...Does it get better? For the faunus?"
Bob's mask hid the small smile. But he knew that he wasn't finished yet.
"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not? However it ends, you must remain true to your cause, your goal...the goal of the faunus people...Tell me, did you know Tukson?"
Adam stoic nature melted a bit, a change present in his tone.
"I did. He was a high-ranking officer of the Vale branch. He was opposed to working with Torchwick, so he left and-."
"Opened a bookstore, that part I know. But what I don't know is - did he leave, or did he escaped, like Blake?"
"...No, he resigned his position and left. He made his choice, but we understood his reasons nonetheless."
With that, Bob knew that Adam was actually oblivious to his comrades fate. Much as he hated seeing it that way, this may be the thing to ultimately separate Adam completely from Salem's group.
"He was murdered, by Emerald and Mercury."
The way Adam tensed at those words, and the fact that Taurus could see that Bob wasn't lying to him about a statement such as this.
"...I see."
"Well, now you know with who you've been working with."
"Oh, I knew with who I've been working with. But this...this crosses the line. They will die, even if it is the last thing I do."
"Unfortunately, that is a bit impossible right now - no Aura, weapons, Semblances or general violence among the guests here, remember? But nothing stops you from doing that once your world is fixed, you know?"
"Then I will deal with them when the time comes."
A pregnant pause fell between the two masked men. Both of them were staring at each other, waiting for each other to speak up first.
It was Adam, who broke the ice, much to Bob's relief.
"I...admit, I made some decisions, decisions that I now regret...There are things that I did that I cannot justify withing the borders of reason, that I see now."
"Hey, power can be one helluva drug, and it's always hard to get off it once you had a taste of it."
"You make a sound point, but...I let my infatuation with a cowardous traitor blind me, set me off my true path. I put the needs of the many to focus on one. I promised myself to never do that, and yet I broke it so easily."
Adam let out a laugh, a genuine laugh...perhaps a first one in so many years.
"Was this supposed to be some kind of therapy session?"
"Well," Bob chuckled,"I prefer this being the talk where I knock some sense into ya."
"Perhaps it was something that was long overdue."
"It sure was."
Another pause fell, but was quickly broken by Bob who said:
"I don't think you need that mask anymore."
Adam was surprised by that statement. He responded with:
"And why is that?"
"Well, if you plan to start anew, then you gotta let go of some past things. And don't waste my time by saying it's too late for you - it's bullshit, no pun intended, and you know it. Besides, there's so much edge I can take in one session, and I think I reached my limit for now."
"I can say that you already know what's behind it?"
Bob nodded, and Adam removed his mask, a thing that defined him to the very core, in front of a human none less.
The SDC logo was clear as day on Adam's face, stretching from the brows to the nose bridge, permanently disabling the eye that had the reddish-grey color compared to his natural sky blue eye color.
"Huh...For a supposed civilized businessman, Jacquess sure does act like a complete animal to those who work under him."
'Not that he's treating his own children any better, but that's a story for an another time...'
Adam looked straight into Bob's eyes and said:
"Then you understand why I had to make them pay."
"I do. They provoked you, beat you and branded you like cattle - safe to say, they asked for it."
Taurus almost didn't expect such an answer from him, as he probably expected a lecture on how there is always an another way...something Blake liked to preach about a lot. He responded with:
"Ghira...had good intentions, but he failed to realize that one can't fight for something while being afraid of hurting or getting hurt."
"Heh, wouldn't I know. Welp, since you showed yours, might as well show you mine, heh."
Before Adam could say anything, Bob placed both of his hands on his head and slowly removed the hairy skull mask.
Safe to say, Adam was a bit...stunned by what he was seeing now.
"You...you have the..."
"I do, yes. Got it as soon as I stepped in that world...it was a bit hard at first, almost losing my nerves a few times, but I eventually came to accept it as a part of me."
Bob stood up from his chair and put his mask back on. He then shuffled through his pockets until he pulled out a black eyepatch and offered it to Adam.
"Wanna take it?"
Adam took the eyepatch and placed it on his face, effectively hiding the brand completely.
"Don't mistake this as not accepting the...part of myself. I simply don't want to install pity from others. I've had enough of it for a lifetime."
"Yeah, me too. People generally forget that thinking about a problem doesn't solve the problem itself- you gotta work towards a solution too."
Adam glanced at the mask in his hands. As he was looking through the details of it, the eyeslits, his mind went through countless of thoughts - the decisions he made, the decisions he was going to make...
"You know, I was kinda expecting for you to be a bit more, uh..."
"Unreasonable? Stubborn?" Adam finished Bob's sentence.
"Yep. C'mon, you can't blame me for it. But hey, glad that the old Adam Taurus is still alive and kicking."
Adam looked at him contemptively after the last word, almost as if Bob was...
"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it."
Of course, if Adam had his sword beside him, he would've been prone to a more radical reaction - and both of them knew it. Yet, Bob didn't seem to care about that at all.
It was strange to Adam, how carefree Bob was, despite the brand he beared, one that was even worse than his own, for at least Adam could live a normal life...if he had the strength to do so.
"We got some time to kill before we have to go...wanna continue this little therapy session as you'd call it?"
Adam smirked. He genuinelly smirked for the first time in perhaps years.
"Why not?"
Few minutes have passed since Bob left the room. The same amount of time has passed since Adam Taurus mysteriously disappeared, along with his chair.
Ruby didn't know what was going on exactly. She patted Zwei on the back as she recalled all the things Blake said about him after the battle of Haven. Taking into account that he was the one who crippled Yang, Ruby naturaly thought that Adam was a genuienly bad person...perhaps even worse than Torchwick, and that's saying something.
Zwei licked her hand as Ruby wondered - what is Bob doing with him? It was not that difficult to connect the dots that Bob had something to do with Adam's disappearance. Her sister wasn't very discreet about her wishing that Bob may have removed Adam from the audience...'permanently'.
Blake, on the other hand, was actually worried about that possibility. Not for Adam's sake, per se, as he burned most of the bridges he had with her.
What she really worried about was Bob himself. She saw how he 'handled' Cinder, and the dark energy that manifested in his hand, and how that same energy was dangerously close to the woman. If he decided then and there, Blake knew that Cinder would've probably died in the most agonizing way possible.
She knew that not because of the scene itself. She knew it because she saw in Bob's eyes - it was the same look Adam would have whenever he'd lose himself in the heat of battle. The same malicious bloodthirst...
It scared her.
One more minute passed before a hidden door slid down in the right corner of the room, the same exact door Bob and the others he chosen used when they were practicing for their performance. Bob came out, and behind him was Adam...without his mask.
In it's place he had a black eyepatch that covered the...'scar' he had. But the most prominent thing Blake noticed was Adam's expression, and his eyes.
Gone was the smugness and spite, and in their place were...some sort of conviction and even somberness that Adam once had whenever Blake scolded him about his actions. When he was willing to listen, of course.
'Something happened between those two...Did-did Bob tell him something, or...?'
"Well, you took your sweet time." Roman commented, breaking Blake's thoughts.
"Sorry not sorry." Bob plainly responded.
Adam walked besides Bob and went straight towards the Grey seats...where a new chair popped out as if out of thin air next to Raven's.
But he paused before sitting down, and looked straight into Blake's eyes.
Blake, on her side, didn't know what to expect. She didn't have to wait too long in the end:
"It's over."
...
Two words.
It only took two simple words for Adam to feel completely relieved, as if something heavy was crushing him...and for Blake to be left confused and...even a bit proud?
Yang, on the other hand, looked anything but that.
"'It's over'? You-you think you can just say that and be done...just like that?!" to which Adam sternly responded:
"This between me and Blake - it does not concern you."
"Bullshit! She's my friend, my teammate, and you - you took my arm when I was protecting her!"
And at that moment...Bob let out his own little gem:
"If you call that little attack of yours 'protecting', then you should probably scratch off being a bodyguard on your potential job list."
"What did you say now?" Yang stood up and slowly crept towards Bob, despite the worrying glares of her teammates. Even Qrow and Tai were ready to stand up on the first sign of trouble.
Though it was debatable if they could do anything in their current aura-less state.
"Got motor oil in your ears? I ain't repeating myself."
"Scratch that - what did you do with this psycho anyway? And how come he went to sit with Torchwick and Raven instead with all the rest of those bastards, huh?"
On the one side, Bob really wanted to shove it to Yang and say that it's none of her damn business.
'But that just wouldn't be fun, now would it?'
"Nothing much, really - we just talked about how Blake is a shitty person in general." Bob said in a mocking, happy way. He didn't miss the cracking of knuckles as Yang got even closer to Bob. The host was just a little bit taller than the blonde brawler, but so was Junior who is even taller than him.
"Say that again, I dare you."
Her eyes would've flashed red in anger...if she still had her Semblance.
"You don't get it, do you blondie? Blake, if she was as a good friend as you think she is, should've pushed harder to change Adam's mind on how to do things in the Fang...if she really cared about it in the first place."
Ghira was about to tell the skull-wearing boy a piece of his mind, but he stopped when he felt Kali's hands on his arm, telling him to stop. He noticed that Bob's words did struck a chord in her, but she didn't want neither him or her to escalate the heated situation.
"But she took the easy way and ran. She also ran when she and Weiss got into an argument. She ALSO ran when lost your arm 'protecting' her. Let's not mention how she abandoned her parents when they left the Fang after realizing what was becoming of it, and even with that Ghira and Kali still accepted her back with welcome, loving arms."
With each Bob's sentence, Blake felt more and more shame weighing down on her - because all of it was true, even if for someone did sound like Bob rubbing salt into old wounds.
She never really did look back and re-think her decisions, never really tried to fight back against her... habit to run away from her problems and her past.
Someone once told her that the past eventually catches up to all. Blake wished she heeded those words much, much earlier.
"Now, lemme ask you something..." now it was Bob who got closer to Yang, his mask only inches away from her face.
"What's the guarantee that she won't abandon you again?"
Yang's response? Her strongest right hook in the face and a crack that accompanied it.
"YANG!"
She, however, ignored the pleas of her friends and family, and was very surprised that Bob hasn't flew across the room. His head was merely titled in the direction where the punch went.
'Oh, right - no Aura. Fuck.'
Bob slowly turned his head towards Yang. He rested his hand on his neck before crooking it on the left, making an audible pop. Bob then spoke in a calm, almost polite tone:
"The first one was a freebie. Make the second one count, 'cause you won't get a third one." His eyeholes glowed with blood-red light to emphasize the last part of his sentence.
The blonde brawler backed down a bit, remembering just what Bob did with Cinder when the woman spoke against him.
With no choice left, Yang grunted and went back to her seat, still eyeing Bob with an irritated look.
Bob straightened his shirt a bit and started speaking in his jovial tone, as if the moment ago never happened:
"The atmosphere in this room is a bit...toxic, don't you think? Well, I believe that the good way to solve all the anger and the sadness here...is comedy!" He paused before continuing shortly,"Well, not for the people who are actually angry and sad, but the people like us that have to fucking deal with them all the time."
Tai couldn't help himself but to snort at that.
'Dude's absolutely right about that one, I'll give him that.'
Yang, on the other hand, was still angry - but the joke managed to mellow it out a bit.
"Alright, now, for a main role, we're featuring someone who isn't currently present here...it's your brother, Weiss."
The ex-heiress raised an eyebrow at that.
"Whitley?" she asked.
"Well, unless Jacquess had other illegitimate children, then yes - it is Whitley. It's him, but he's a, well, a little different from the person you think you know."
Weiss was about to question the last part of his sentence, but her sister spoke first:
"Different...how?"
"Different in a way where Whitley rebelled against his father, almost in a similar manner as you."
With that, Bob knew that he got both Weiss' and Winter's interest in it now.
While Weiss knew(or thought she knew) her brother being a future replica of their father, Winter never really gave her younger brother much attention comparing to Weiss.
It was one of the things that, the more she thought about it, the more she realized she made a critical error. So she pushed the thought aside during her military training - it would've been a hindrance otherwise.
She could imagine her father digging his claws in Whitley, 'properly' grooming him for a position of power that would serve their family's fortune and name.
'And the name wasn't even his to begin with...'
"So, ladies and gentlemen, let's get started, shall we?" Bob spoke as he moved away from the flickering screen.
The scene opened with a very, very large close-up of Whitley's face. Dude was so close to the camera that his entire face was a bit blurry.
Speaking of Whitley, the guy was currently in his twenties or so - gone was the slicked short cut hair, in it's place was a more relaxed, longer style with a beard in the package as well.
The Schnee sisters were visibly surprised at how...rugged their brother looked like. Sure, he looked older, but to see Whitley not being perfectly shaved or even sporting a finely trimmed moustache like their father seemed...weird. Very, VERY weird.
And judging by the room and his overall appearance, this Whitley Schnee wasn't as financially secure as the Remnant one.
"Is that you lil' bro?! He looks kinda old..." Nora squinted at the screen, to which Ren replied:
"Perhaps everyone is older there."
"Right on the money, Renny! 4 years, give or take a few months." Bob stated
Yang, on the other hand, looked a bit closer and was...well, she smirked:
"Not gonna lie, Ice Queen, your bro looks kinda ho-"
"Finish that sentence, Yang, and I will kick you in the shin." coldly stated Weiss.
"Wassup guys, it's ya boy Jizz Pump, here we get the semen rollin' all over the place with this hentai review we're about to watch, shiet."
None laughed harder than Taiyang, Sun, Mercury and Roman, with others giggling to death or adopting expressions of utter shock and disguist.
While Winter was confused, and rightfully so due to a simple reason of not seeing her brother in a while, Weiss was the part of the "shocked expression" group. Sure, her brother looked several years older, but this kind of complete personality change is something she'd never expect...
'Is...is this what he meant when he said that Whitley would've been different without Father's influence?'
"Yo, Weiss, your brother looks all kinds of fun! Come to think of it, you never mentioned him, like ever!" Yang noted, jolting Weiss from her train of thought.
"Yeah, Weiss - you always talked about Winter but never about Whitely!" Ruby added.
"It's Whitley, and no - I...well, uh..." Weiss stammered, and was really at loss of words.
"You completely forgot about him, didn't you? That's pretty cold, even from you." Jaune said to her. The heiress rised her finger and opened her mouth to give a counter argument...which she had none. She ignored some dissapointed looks from her friends and continued watching...
Until Roman decided to lift the mood up for a moment, but not because he cares or something like that!
It's because sappy stuff makes him want to vomit.
"Well, never knew that a Schnee would end up reviewing Mistralian cartoon porn out of all things!"
"Wait, so THAT's hentai?!"
"Red, I'm surprised that...on the second thought, I'm frankly not surprised you don't know about it."
Whitley walked around with the camera in hand and spoke again, this time sounding like a normal human being:
"Not hentai review. Uh, Dustube keeps fucking RAPING me because they think it's funny when a dude who obeys the guidelines completely - censors his content all the way through, you know how it is, uh, and they think it's okay to anally rape me with these community strikes saying I break the guidelines. And I'm like 'I don't break them, you dumb bitch' and they are like 'shit, it's our website son, gotta go'. And I'm like 'dayum, shiet'..."
"Oh, so it's just regular Mistral cartoons." Torchwick added.
"Hey, don't call anime 'Mistral cartoons'!"
Ren thew himself in the mix and said:
"Nora, both anime and cartoons are technically the same thing, they're just different by style. He's now wrong there."
Nora, of course, tried to fight back. But she found no words for her defense, so she backed away and pouted.
"Dustube the internet platform? It's, like, for videos and stuff, isn't it?" Sun stated, to which Ruby continued:
"Why do they punish him if he didn't do anything bad?"
"It's not rare to see that happen, since Dustube's been pushing "family friendly" content on their site to get more advertisers. But if you're a part of a big company that brings them a lot of money, then you can pretty much get away with anything. I'd guess Whitley here has a channel with a small amount of subscribers - if what he says is true, I kinda feel sorry for the guy." spoke Taiyang. Qrow turned and looked at him.
"You really have a lot of free time, doncha?" Qrow said to him.
He chuckled a bit, and added:
"So we're gonna watch some anime. Ahem, it'll still be ecchi though, promise." Whitley then began waving his hand in front of his face as if he was a gangster rapper and said,"Let's get into this shit, boi. Let's get into this shit boi - you like how retarded I'm being?"
"Would you blame me if I said yes?" Mercury casually stated.
[The opening scene starts with a very loud sound of a lightswitch turning on, showing a serious-looking glasses-wearing grey haired boy properly dressed in a student uniform. He was also fiddling a doll's hair.
A happy-sounding violin track started playing as the boy's attention turned from the doll and towards the camera in front of him.
"Hello everyone. Well, I am Eishiro Sugata, resident genius."
The camera focused on the doll as Eishiro described her:
"This here is my assistant, Pretty."
"Uh, creep alert anyone?"
"Yang! Don't be mean!"
The resident genius used the doll's feet to click Enter on the keyboard of a laptop, showing a computer-generated round that represented the world of Remnant. What stuck out as a sore thumb was a massive black hole that was slowly moving from Atlas and towards the direction where Mistral was.
"Look here. There appears to be some type of anomalous hole orbiting Remnant." Eishiro spoke as multiple windows of information popped at the sides of the screen.
"Scientists around the world have been working together to solve the mystery of it's origin. They even dropped monitoring devices into the anomaly, but haven't settled on any logical conclusion. But you see, their hypothesis is flawed because they're grounded in reality. As I'm sure you're aware of, the first humans that discovered Dust...]
The scene was abruptly cut to an image of Whitley, sitting next to the monitor where the anime was played, covering his face with his hands, as if he's frustratred or something.
"Shut the fuck up."
It was the former.
Ruby pouted and yelled out:
"Language!"
The Schnee sisters were surprised once again by their brothers...colorfully expanded vocabulary. Both Weiss and Winter realized that they should probably expect this to be a common reccurence.
Glynda, while being annoyed by the Schnee's lack of speech discipline, knew that he didn't sputtered out the curse without merit.
"I've had it up to here with all these anime's and hentai's explaining shit to me like I'm a fucking retard. How about instead of looking directly at the camera explaining the plot - you show it to me."
His voice then went a few pitches higher, as if he was talking to a baby with several mental dissabilities.
"Why don't-why don't you fucking show us a little bit? Would you like to show me?"
"Profanities aside, he does make a good case. The exposition with the boy started to become uninteresting." Oobleck noted, Ozpin following suite:
"The 'show, don't tell' rule is something rarely seen in today's media, unfortunately. I fully agree with Mr. Schnee on this."
He took a moment to compose himself and added, in his normal pitch this time:
"So, uh, to all of you Mistralian people who made this and who make anime that do this, uh, you deserve another Grimm attack on you."
The utter shock of the baffled majority of the audience (the ones in the Light seats, that is) was the hysterical laughter of several men who found that joke very funny. Those being Taiyang, Roman, Tyrian and Mercury.
And Neo too, but it was more a visual cue since she's, well, mute.
Some even looked a little bit upset, the oh-so cheerful Nora being one. Ren on the other hand was...confused. He knew what Whitley said was terribly wrong and he should feel offended due to him being an actual survivor of a Grimm attack.
And yet, he somehow found that inappropriate joke kinda funny too.
Cut the scene to a burning Mistralian village where a pack of Grimm were either chasing the horrified townsfolk, or mercilessly mauling them apart.
The visage of terror and despair was abruptly cut to Whitley and him saying:
"That was a joke, please don't get, uh...heh, shit." Whitley paused a bit to not laugh.
"Don't get like heated over that, cuz, it's - it's a joke. Shit, I don't want Mistralian people to die - why would I? Teh, over this?", he pointed towards the desktop and innocently responded,"Yeah, but like, who cares?"
"Oh Gods, he's not even apologizing properly..." Weiss facepalmed in shame.
"H-hey, at least he admits that he's only joking, right?" Jaune nervously added.
[The scene opened with a pigeon standing on the roof of a traditional Mistralian building. A second pigeon joined it soon and both birds gazed into the dawn.
"Tomo, come on!"
It quickly transitioned to a half-awake boy who was being shaken around in his bed.
"Would you get up already? We're gonna be late for school!" the girl said as she continued shaking Tomo, trying to force him to get up, which didn't provide any results at all.
"Mm, 5 more minutes, mmm..."
Sora blushed(for reasons unknown). Deciding enough is enough, she yelled:
"Oh for crying out loud, get up!"
She pulled up the blanket, to see something so shocking, so appaling that her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened up.
Her scream was what jolted Tomoki out of his sleep-induced delirium. He quickly said:
"Sora, what's wrong?"
What was wrong was the fact that Sora was now looking at a full blown erection that was being held down by Tomoki's pijamas.]
"And that's how we Jimmy here got his nick-" Qrow's sentence was cut short by James placing a hand on his shoulder and lightly squeezing it. Granted, all the augmentations he previously had were gone and now had real flesh & blood limbs, but the old crow still felt all the strength of the Atlas army commander.
"Qrow... you know that I respect you as a friend, and whatever I may say about your habits, I also respect you as a fellow Huntsman. But do repeat that...joke again, and I. Will. Hurt you. Understood?"
Qrow simply obliged with the request. For now.
Whitley put his hands up his head as if he was defending himself from an oncoming attack. He spoke in a child-like way:
"Oh, oh I'm so sorry Dustube. I'm so sorry that there was a penis in my video. Uh, is it okay if it's already covered in clothes? Not just clothes, even light just to have more censorship?" Whitley emphasized as he showed the streak of white light that covered the top half of the erection.
"It looks reasonable enough. I mean, the show itself isn't really appropriate since it caters to a more adult audience, but that looks-" Kali's sentence was cut off by Whitley's on the screen who added:
"Or how about I just pixelate it too? Will that be okay to have on my video?" the image was heavily pixelated, even some of the pixels reaching parts of his face.
"Oh boy, I know where this is going..." commented Tai, while the kids looked a bit confused to what Whitley was doing.
"Or what if I black it out also? Would that be okay to have on my video, Dustube please?" True to his words, Whitley did put a black square that covered roughly 90% of the whole screen - and not just the desktop, the WHOLE screen.
"Okay, now that's just a bit too much!" protested Yang.
"Yeah! Why does Dustube make him do this - it makes no sense!" added Nora, to which Tai replied:
"Heh, that's Dustube for ya - either get enough clout to make your own rules or conform and hope that the big boss is in a good mood."
"Kinda like working under Salem!" Bob commented, to which the Queen herself looked on him with a raised brow.
"Why're you looking at me like that? You know it's true."
Salem simply ignored the statement altogether, though it didn't stop Tyrian from imagining the worst possible ways to slice Bob up.
"Can you not take me down today?Can we please have a friendship here? I want to be your friend...FUCK YO-"
The last part got cut as Whitley went back to his normal persona once again and said:
"Just kidding! I love you, I'm one of your creators. And I love Dustube so much, heh...heh."
"So the Schnee here is kinda in an abusive relationship with Dustube, isn't he?" Ilia noted.
"Where the abuser is the one you're living with. Rough isn't it?" Bob nodded.
Ilia herself had a bit of a hard time emphasizing with a Schnee out of all people. But she was smart enough not to project her hate towards the SDC to someone who is aligned to them by name only.
She was better than that. Now, at least.
"By the way, you have this video, uh, already up. You already have Dustube's videos with this exact scene."
The screen then showed the show's official channel on Dustube.
"Wait, what?! That an unfair double standard there! How can they do this in the first place?!" the aggravated tone came from Blake, clearly being irritated by the blatant disrespect Dustube had towards Whitley's channel.
"Things like this often happen in real life too, Miss Belladonna. Or were all those years in the White Fang ended up being a waste of time?" mocked Watts. The Belladonnas (and Adam) gave him a contemptive look and decided to ultimately ignore him.
"You know, so...uh, it's not like you can take me down without taking them down, right-?"
Wfhgfyv wlvhm'g lyvb rg'h ldm uzri fhv klorxb rm uzeli lu ozitv xlnkzmrvh zh dvoo zh fmpmldm lmvh uli nlmvgzib ivzhlmh. R xzm'g urtsg z olhrmt yzggov zmbnliv. Rg wizrmh nb evib yvrmt. Yfg R droo pvvk urtsgrmt uli blf, zmw uli blfi irtsg gl dzgxs jfzorgb xlmgvmg gszg lyvbh zoo gsv tfrwvormvh zmw kizxgrxvh uzri fhv, vevm ru Wfhgfyv gsvnhvoevh ulitlg dszg gsvb vevm ziv zmbnliv. Ru R szw z hzb rm gsv nzggvi, gsvm R'w gvoo Wfhgfyv gl tl zmw vzg z wrxp.
Whitley gasped for breath after the fast forwarded sequence ended.
...
"What-what was that?"
Oobleck adjusted his glasses and provided a theory:
"It seems to be a code of some kind. However, I cannot decipher the code without references, and it went too fast to memorize the whole sequence."
"Well, I guess we'll never know for sure..." Bob playfully spoke.
He looked straight at the camera and desperately pleaded:
"Please...spare me. Just this once."
[Tomoki uttered a confused 'huh' before looking down to his crotch...]
"Look at those legs, oof! Oof!" A fast image of Sora's back side of her legs flashed briefly.
"I love me some legs. All the shoutouts to Il-BLEEP. Just kidding, she doesn't want me to shout her out. But shout out to her, love her legs - oof!"
Ilia was caught off guard with that. She personally never found herself to be attractive or something like that, so she took a quick look at her legs, to see if the Schnee(out of all people) has a point.
She also noticed two blondes also staring at her legs.
"Yep, Weiss' lil' bro is right, you do have nice legs!" Yang whistled
"Gotta agree. Heh, I saw that they can change in color too!" Sun added.
"Oh really?".
"Can you two stop staring at me like that?!"
"Legs, love'em. Anime legs too. Wooh!"Whitley yelped and raised his hands for every single cry,"Wooh!"
"Did you see that?!" Ruby yelped, pointing at the screen.
"Kinda. He put it in the last few frames, but I think I saw someone's face..." Jaune mumbled. Yang added:
"Betcha it was Cinder's face while constipating."
"And I'll guarantee it will be your expression when I get my hands on you." Cinder replied.
"Legs." He pointed towards his screen where Sora's legs were shown,"Look at those legs guys, thic, phew. Love me some thic, heh, shit..." He turned towards the screen, but looked at the camera one more time and asked:
"Uh, can we keep watching, please?"
["NOOOOOOOO!" Sora screamed as she karate-chopped Tomoki across the face. The show thought it'd be a good idea to show a man karate chopping the upper half of a glass bottle for some reason.]
"Oh, mhm! That was beautiful!" Whitley said as he kissed his fingers in the same way a chef does.
"That transition into the glass bottle being broken when she slapped his face, and was like...his penis, I don't know. I thought it was cool. Didn't you guys think it was cool? I thought it was cool..."
"Nah, it was kinda lame." Nora noted.
"I think he was being sarcastic there..." Sun silently commented.
[The next scene opened with a dazed Tomoki sporting several lumps on his head that seemed to stack on top of each other. He also had a few bandages placed on random parts of his head and hair.]
"Hold on - pause, pause for a sec. What...can we just take a moment and discuss what the fuck this is?" he said, showing the unnatural looking lumps.
"It's like a three - a caterpillar coming out of his head, and then a tumor on the other side. And then there's this bandage on a random part of his hair, and then one on the very tip of here,"showing the caterpillar lump,"but why not put one on there?" showing the tumor lump.
"Wow. I can't believe I see someone pettier than Ice Queen. At the same time, I'm kinda not surprised it is her brother that beat her to it."
And while Winter decided to ignore Qrow's comment completely, Blake stepped in and said:
"I, uh, I can't really blame him. I mean, you have to have good consistency if you want to keep the story interesting and clear at the same time."
"Like Ninjas of Love, right?" Yang added, sporting a wide shark-like grin.
Blake paused for a moment to process what Yang was exactly doing. Ignoring the giggles from her parents, as well as Sun and the rest of her team, she simply said:
"Shut up, Yang."
"What is that for?" Whitley asked as he pointed the bandage on the hair.
"And didn't-didn't she just slapped him in the face? Where did all this come from? I think you need to go to the hospital brother. I think there's something seriously wrong with you."
Weiss couldn't help herself to not have a genuine laugh at her brother's comment. She wished that HER brother was somewhat like the Whitley on the screen.
'Well...Bob did say that this is the Whitley who had the amount of freedom Winter had. Maybe...'
[Sora approached the dazed Tomoki with a glass of milk.
"At least drink some milk before we head out." she said as she offered him the glass, which he took immediatelly.
"Yeah, thanks."
"And your tie is messed up! It doesn't matter how old you get, you still act like a child."]
"What do you mean he acts like a child? You just gave him a glass of milk." Whitley paused, probably to process the stupidity of Sora's statement and her hypocrisy.
"Who just drinks a glass of milk for breakfast? What is wrong with you?! No cereal? No cookies? No donuts? Just a glass of milk? And you told him to grow up? You gave it to him!"
"YEAH! What kind of friend gives only milk without any cookies!? That-that's BLASPHEMY! I'd rather have Torchwick as my friend over Sora anytime! Not that I'd want to be friends with him, but yougetmypoint!"
Roman could only form a very sour smile at Ruby's statement and say:
"Gee, thanks Red, that really moved me."
["Alright, let's get going." Tomoki said, locking the door behind him as he started walking with Sora next to him. An inspiring guitar tune started playing as the scene represented a small stream of water that ran through an aquaduct between a bunch of pretty flowers.
"We live in Sarami city. It's a small town-]
'I'm kinda getting bored here...' Yang thought. Looking at others, she could see that she wasn't alone in this one.
"More explanation and narration, thank you. Thank you for that one, heh...FUCK YOU!"
[The show started switching scenes that depicted images of nature, the road, cars driving around, people doing stuff, aged old trees and other panoramic generic pictures that generally grace most animes out there.
"Population is about 7000, and completely surrounded by mountains. It's nice. The town isn't known about anything in particular. If it was, it'd be the smile on the old farmer's face. Or maybe even the humongous 400 year old tree-"]
"None of this shit comes into play later in the series, I've watched all of it. And, uh, all of this is just useless information that we don't need to know."
"Then why give us all that if it's never going to be used in the first place?! Makes zero sense!" Jaune protested.
"It's like they're trying to...fill a runtime or something here with crap."
"Quantity over quality, why am I not surprised?" Qrow noted.
Whitley's mouth formed into a baby-like smile.
"Why don't you fill it with cool stuff, some story with some narrative here. Nah, let's just have them walk and explain the neighbourhood. Ho, that's fun." Whitley said in a cute-sy manner.
"Should I explain the neighbourhood in every one of my Dustube videos? Should I...," Whitley took the camera and rotated it around,"show my room and explain..."he stopped at the angle that showed the open bathroom. The lights in it were out, but there was a humongous mirror that partially reflected Whitley and his camera.
"This here is my bathroom over here. That's where I take a shit, and, uh, I take pisses as well." Whitley quickly placed the camera back to his face.
"TMI dude, TM-heheh." Neptune paused to laugh a bit before some of his teammates followed with him.
"Would you like it if I did that? No, you want to get straight into the action." Whitley however, rotated the camera again back to it's previous position.
"Or maybe you would like to see where I throw up in my toilet. Would you like that guys? Can you even see me?" Whitley extended his arm and tilted on the side so that the mirror reflects him.
"Hello? Hellow?"
Whitley finally put the camera back in it's place, and it was evidently clear that he was serious now.
"Give me story, alright? I'm not here to watch you explain your neighbourhood to me, uh, I'm here to watch some cool anime story. Like some Fullmetal Alchemist."
"Never heard of it. Is it any good?" Yang asked.
"One of the best. Don't be surprised if you hear some unknown names here and there, this Remnant kinda has a lower Grimm population." Bob replied, to which Oobleck quickly added with:
"Which resulted in bigger cultural enrichment. Fascinating!"
"Does he even explain in Fullmetal Alchemist his neighbourhood? He better not have, or I'm gonna have to do roasting Fullmetal Alchemist as well. Maybe one day guys, who knows?" Whitley's face scrunched up and giggled as he snapped his fingers. He did it again.
And again.
And again.
"Is that on repeat-?" Ruby question got cut short with Whitley saying:
"It's not even on repeat, I'm doing this over and over like a retard."
"Well, that answers the question."
[Tomoki was now sleeping on his open notebook as he narrated:
"I like to watch TV, eat, take a nap during class. The most perfect thing you can ask for is a thread of peace and quiet running through your life. Wouldn't you agree?"]
"Man, this Tomoki dude is kinda..."
"Boring and bland?" Neo finished Sun's sentence as she showed the sign with her words on it.
"He's still a bit better than Eijiro, I guess." Pyrrha commented.
[A sudden flash of white light engulfed the screen as a feminine ethereal voice could be heard in the background:
"Save me..."
The white flash dissapeared in a fog like manner, revealing Tomoki starring at a lightened up sky. A beam of yellow light enveloped him as a girl's voice spoke once more:
"The sky has me in it's grip."
The source of the voice was a girl with big ass wings and blue hair that covered half of her face. The dream, from there, quickly ended in a flash as Sora was shaking Tomoki up.
"Tomo, wake up! Wake up Tomoki, class is over if you haven't noticed...oh...you had that dream again, didn't you?"
She knew because Tomoki was crying. The big boy wiped his tears away and said:
"Oh great. Am I crying?"]
"Why are you crying?" Whitley asked with a clear look of disgust written on his face.
"Why are you crying, bitch? You a pussy? Who cries after they wake up from a dream? Or even a nightmare?"
"I don't cry. The last time I cried when I woke up from a dream was when, uh, when I was a baby. And why would you even cry for this?" Whitley asked as he pointed his hand towards the screen, currently frozen in an image of Tomoki wiping his tears away.
"I guess he is kinda right - that dream really wasn't something to cry about." Pyrrha continued Ren's sentence with:
"It's a cry for help...but it's just that. There's nothing remotely tragic about it."
"'The sky has me in it's grip.' So? Fuckin' do something bitch, don't tell me that the sky has you in it's grip. But this guy, ma boy Tomoki here is crying like a dumb bitch. I didn't even cry when Mistral got bombed in the Great War."
Cue an explosion of atomic proportions.
"Again with those Mistral jokes..." Glynda facepalmed as she silently muttered.
"I didn't even cry. I also wasn't even born, uh, I didn't need to explain that joke...but I did."
And the smile fades to nothingness.
["Look Tomoki, you've been having that dream ever since you were a little kid-"]
"OOF!" Whitley yelped as the screen zoomed in on Sora's legs before getting back to him.
Glynda sighed at the scene and stated:
"I understand that this is simply a fictional cartoon...but a skirt that length shouldn't be a part of any logical school uniform."
"Depends on what kind of school we're talking abo-"
"Don't push it, Taiyang."
"OOF! OOF! OOF!" he yelped again as he emphasized his point of attention with a hand gesture.
"Y'all seeing what I'm seeing? Are y'all seeing what I'm seeing? Oof! OOF!"
"OH GODS WHAT WAS THAT?!" Ruby screamed. This time however, she wasn't alone.
"I saw it too, and now can't unsee it for the rest of my life. Thanks Whitley." Jaune deadpanned.
Both Schnee sisters were somewhat annoyed by the picture her brother decided to put in the frame, simply because it was disguisting.
"Look at that, oh shit...fuck it, shiet, fuck this shit..."
And at this moment, Whitley started pumping his fist up 'n' down with incredible speed. Probably to emphasize something.
The afformentioned scene was greeted with expressions of disguist, cries of laughter and unamusement that, coincidentally, could be separated in three scalling age groups.
Quite a coincidence.
He breathed deep as if he was exhausted and said:
"You know what I'm doing now guys? You know what I'm doing tonight?"
"Brother, please don't..."
"I'm...bartending. I'm bartending tonight, gotta shake the drink and then you gotta pour it. I'm actually a bartender on the side, y'all didn't know that."
Jaune put up an optimistic smile and said:
"Hey, it's not that bad. The guy's bartending! Sure, he could've presented it differently, but-"
"It also isn't true."
"-And damn my big mouth."
[Suddenly a random schoolgirl announced:
"Everyone come quick! Some moron is about to jump off the roof!"
Tomoki stood there for a bit to process the information:
"Jump of the roof?!" he exclaimed.]
"Finally something exciting is about to happen!" Roman enthusiastically spoke, to which Weiss said:
"I think that if a potential death in an obviously light-hearted story is what actually captures the attention of the audience, then something is very, VERY wrong with your storytelling."
"Seriously, the only fun scenes are the ones where Whitley's in...and that's not even the anime itself." Neptune added.
[The scene transitioned to the resident genius looking at the horizon. He said:
"The wind is good today, although I'm not exactly happy with the direction it's blowing."
At the same time, a group of students has gathered below, looking right at Eishiro and holding their breath.
"DON'T DO IT MAN! YOU'RE INSANE, YOU'LL DIE!"]
"Ah gee, I sure hope so! So maybe I wouldn't have to watch you explain everything that is happening in the anime instead of...actually showing me in the anime."
"So that's why you're gonna kill off this character, right? You actually want to start showing me things, cool things, instead of having this retard look at the camera and explain it to me."
"Like what I'm doing."
["Ummm, is someone gonna jump off the roof?"
"Take a look." was a calm response Sora got as the student council president pointed at the glider set on the roof.
"Shouldn't you be trying to stop him?!" Tomoki asked her, to which the purple-haired girl calmly(again) responded with:
"I could ask him to come down, but he won't listen. I'll worry about it after he falls."
"Could you be more irresponsible?! I mean, you're student council president, you gotta do something!"
The anime went from regular drawing style to chibi one, where Prez pulled out several differently colored papers, and said:
"If you're talking about insurance, I already bought a whole lot of it. Hundreds of thousands worth of life insurance, in fact."
"Wow, that's a lot-"
"Okay, that's actually kinda funny." Sun spoke, sporting a chuckle with it.
"Sure, sure, but how long did we had to wait for that one joke?" Qrow countered.
Tomoki wasn't having it, it seems:
"Don't you stand there looking all impressed! C'mon Prez, aren't you two like childhood friends or something? Shouldn't you show just a tiniest bit of consideration-?"
"Are you suggesting I'm not worried about him in the slightest?" She cut him off pretty quickly.
"N-no...that's not..."
"Are you suggesting that I believe it might not be such a bad thing to watch my dear friend plummet to his death-"]
"I actually forgot how funny this anime was. Um, it's pretty funny, you should go watch it. I recommend it." Whitley said with a thumbs up.
"Uh, what?"
Most of the cast was caught by surprise
"Sarcasm module detected in Whitley Schnee's speech pattern!" Penny chimed.
"So that way I'm being a good boy, um, not copyright infringing over here, um, using fair use but also, uh, being good to the creators who made so they won't get mad at me that I'm using it. Cuz, you know how Mistral is with their copyright."
"Nintendo? Heh, how about - go fuck yourself?"
"Lemme guess - it's a butthurt company that doesn't like fair use?" Mercury asked.
"Yep - half of your money of your videos is sucked off if you use a few seconds of their music."
"Half? For a small part?! That's completely unfair!" Ruby protested.
"True - the world is not fair, you noticed." Bob responded and gave a thumbs up to the girl.
Pyrrha couldn't disagree with the last statement - she remembered how her own agents weren't very...polite towards an artist who drew a couple of her portraits. She'd personally give the person a go and encourage him to publish, but ultimately she had no say in it.
It was one of the reasons why she was more than happy to escape from all that and go to a school.
"Anyways, know that I'm recommending your anime to my viewers so you don't have to be like - 'This guy is stealing'. No I'm not."
"Yeah, anyways - I'm being good." Whitley finished, showing the anime on his desktop with his hand.
The pose lasted a bit longer than anybody would prefer.
"Totally not forced." Emerald commented.
[The anime suddenly transitioned to a scene with Eishiro, Tomoki and Sora in the room from the very beggining of the show. Eishiro was sitting in front of a computer while Tomoki and Sora were looking at him. Tomoki looked like he didn't want to be here in the first place.
Kinda like the audience watching this pile of shit.
Then the resident genius, who was actually playing with his dool, opened up his yap:
"I understand every word of your concerns. Many intelligent people believe dreams to be electrical signals your brain sends out when processing memories-"
"In other words, your desires or your memories become your dreams when you sleep-"
"But that's nothing more than a hypothesis grounded in reality. And you can't explain the undreal using real terms-"
The cut dialogues then went towards the laptop screen where the black hole was currently orbiting above Mistral.
"You know what that is? Of course you don't. Because you already concluded that you don't know-"
Ozpin found it quite amusing that both a professor and a student of beacon, Peter and Ms. Valkyrie, fell asleep, if the loud snoozes and snot bubbles going up and down wasn't much of an indication.
And while Port simply laid back on the chair with his face looking up the ceiling, Nora used Ren's shoulder as a pillow. He didn't mind it.
"There are scientists who spent years researching this and have yet to figure out a slightest thing about it. But I understand it. I know exactly the true nature behind this hole. And of course...I also know what your dream means."
This got Tomoki's attention.
Suddenly, the anime went full Yu-Gi...
Wait, I can't use that as comparison?
Then how the fuck am I supposed to explain how the scenes unfold and transition in the anime? 'Suddenly the background turns black and his body glides back as he continues explaining unnecessary shit'?
...
Come to think of it, that sounds way better than what I had in mind.
Now, where was I?
"Both of them are part of a whol-"]
"Alright, I know I just recommended it, but...GOD. GOD, I could...I could KILL myself with all the information you're trying to pour on me here." Whitley said with a maniacal grin spread across his cheeks.
Both Port and Nora jolted from their short-lived sleep and were clearly excited to see Whitley back again on the big screen.
"I'm not even 7 minutes into your anime and you've given me 2 information dumps that I really don't give a shit about! Cuz you haven't shown me anything interesting yet. A few jokes maybe, but...I'm not even interested in your lore yet and you've already giving it all to me. I don't give a shit about that!"
"I would honestly go through Port's class rather than watch this anime for real. No offense, Professor."
"None taken, Mr. Arc. I'm glad to see you value your classes!"
Jaune scratched his head and wondered if the ol' moustache will ever understand the context of his sentence.
Probably not.
"I wasn't even interested in the Lord of the Rings until after 3 three-hour long movies, and THEN I was like:'Okay, maybe I'd like to know the lore a little bit more'.
Whitley paused for a moment, gritting his teeth in frustration before proceeding:
"How about you learn...to tell a story there, Mistral? Okay, all of Mistral who suck at telling stories?"
"Okay, now that's just a bit..."
"Just kidding, that was such a joke! I'm not racist, I'm just racially picky, is what we would call it in Atlas."
Whitley moved out of the camera to have a good, genuine laugh at that.
Ghira stopped his sentence to let out a laugh. He then simply accepted that the young Schnee boy won't stop with with inappropriate jokes.
[I'm honestly sick of retelling what happens in the room as the anime itself is so fucking boring(and these parts really don't matter in the end, they really don't), so here's an abridged version.
The resident retard makes a plan for all of them to go to a specific location where the black hole would be, which is coincidentally near their town, while Tomoki ranted like a little crying chibi bitch he is, but ultimately gets ignored.
Because he's a little chibi bitch.
So he ends up waiting beside a tree, and(surprise!) no one came there instead of him. The big black hole wasn't even there. Dude waited for quite some time and was a bit upset, so he finally decided to just go home.
But he suddenly got a call from the resident retard, who told him:
"Get the hell out of there! You're in danger!"
Tomoki got a sudden unknown urge to look up and saw the infamous big black hole...and a small ball of light from it coming straight at him.
The ball of light crashed mere inches away from him, and the resulting explosion knocked Tomoki back a few dozen feet away.]
"How did you survive the explosive impact of what looked like a meteor, crashing right in front of the ground in front of you and destroying parts of the earth while you fly back with...a little to no damage?"
"Aura maybe?" Oscar asked, to which Glynda responded:
"There would've been a reactive glow on his body as is when anyone takes a particularly heavy damaging hit."
"So...anime logic?" Yang proposed.
"Maybe like a little bit of scratch on your face, but...not even any dust on your uniform, just some scratches on your face."
Whitley took a sharp breath as he gathered all his might to compose himself and seethe the inner rage within him. He then said:
"I understand that this is anime and everything is exaggerated, but...now there's no stakes. Anywhere. Because our-our main character here just survived a meteor impact right in front of him...and didn't die. He's invincible."
"Yeah, he kinda has a point there - it kills any kind of suspension from the show." Yang said.
"Any other time in the future, if he gets attack which WILL happen because I've seen it, um, I won't fucking care. That's the issue I'm having."
Whitley's face then scrunched up and his voice went to a higher pitch as he said:
"B-But who cares, it's anime, who cares?! Right? Is...is that the thing we say when we watch anime? Who cares? Heheheheh, who cares?! Heheheh..."
[Tomoki quickly recovered (what a surprise) and went towards the impact of the meteor crash.
When the smoke cleared a bit, the first thing Tomoki saw from the crater was a pair big, perfectly round shaped breasts - like full cleavage exposed and just enough clothing to cover the nips.
You know what I'm talking about.
Tomoki was shocked from the view, and said to himself:
"Oh no! It's a person!"]
"So our character here looks to identify what that explosive impact was caused by, and..."
Whitley looked towards his desktop, which was paused on the scene of the reveal of juicy anime boobies.
The scene divided the audience into three types of people - the one's who were embarassed by the scene, the ones who grinned and giggled at it and the ones who looked completely bored and annoyed.
"You can see what the primary motive of the writers was here...We don't see her face first, any wounds she may have, we see..."
The whole screen was now showing the badonkadonks.
"I'm not complaining. I'm just...sayin'. Not complaining. I like 'em. Shit, it's all I gotta say."
Whitley twitched when he heard a scream of pain coming from somewhere in his room.
The room bursted with laughter at that.
"The timing, hah, was impeccable!" the Belladonna matriarch spoke between laughs.
[Gonna just fast forward this little tidbit, since again - I'm sick of writing this shit and I just want to get to the interesting Whitley parts.
So after standing a few moments like a complete moron, the smoke cleared out enough for Tomoki to see that the girl who fell out of the sky had a weird white outfit...and a pair of large, glowing wings.
And like the little bitch he is, he made the choice of running away while somehow dodging the oncoming masses of rock falling from the sky.
The little bitch stopped in his tracks, thinking about whether or not he should save her:
'She'll be fine, I'm sure of it! The chick fell out of the friggin' sky without a scratch on her!"]
"Why does that matter? You survived the explosive impact of what it looked like a meteor landing right in front of you - without a scratch on you."
"He's right - I mean you, who's supposed to be a regular Joe, survived something that all of us would probably get heavily injured, is thinking about someone who fell out of the sky with no wounds, even though falling from heights and objects falling directly on you are two completely different scenarios!" Weiss criticised in her 'judge mode', as Ruby would call it.
"So why does it matter if she doesn't have a scratch on her? In this universe, no one has scratches on them when met with harm. So..."
"This phrase doesn't even make any sense!"
"This phrase doesn't even make any sense."
"Jinx!" Yang said, only earning an eye roll from Weiss.
[The screen went into a close shot of the unconscious angel chick-thing and remained like that for solid 3 seconds(for some stupid fucking reason) until it switched towards Tomoki who, surprise, actually went back to help her!
Tomoki put her hand over his shoulder and carried her as he tried to climb out of the crater while mumbling about his boring lifestyle.
Suddenly he noticed a piece of rock that was falling directly on his position. And as every character who was about to face imminent death, he shut his eyes and screamed like a biatch.
And lo and behold, a pair of white shiny wings engulfed the screen that had a pitch black background for some another stupid fucking reason, and you guessed it - the girl woke up and flied away from danger while carrying Tomoki in her arms.
Tomoki opened his eyes and saw that he was in the air, and turned around to see the weird ass girl as some generic tropical resort-like music kicked in.]
"Oh! Thank you for waking up at the exact moment RIGHT before he was gonna SUPPOSEDLY die, even though...you know, we don't know if they die in this universe, but yeah - thank you, that was mighty convenient. EXTREMELY convenient! "
"Honestly - who even cares at this point? I just hope that I don't have to see that garbage of an anime ever again." Mercury spoke.
"I wonder how many more of this conveniences will happen in the future where they will build up all of this excitement to a climax of where someone may die and it's just like 'oh, convenience here'!"
"'Oh hellow, I see your story needs some convenience, here ya go'" Whitley mimicked a hand gesture of giving a bag full of conveniences,"'There's some convenience for your shitty storytelling there.' Oh thank you, I was writing myself into a corner and didn't know what happened.'Aw, it's okay, just use some convenience.'"
"'Deus ex machina, who cares? Who cares what happens in your story, just keep those characters alive!'"
"Aheh, trigger warning." Bob mumled, earning a few confused 'what's' before seeing...
The scene cut to Pyrrha gasping for breath as a black arrow struck her and was burried in her chest.
Bob never thought himself a bad person - he would describe himself as a jackass with a heart of gold. He met a lot of bad people here and there, and those encounters would usually ended with the afformentioned bad people laying dead at his boots.
But he couldn't help himself to feel a little evil (not mistaken for guilty, of course) for grinning madly behind his mask when he saw the hurt, shocked faces of the former Beacon students, professors, headmasters and parents. Some of them were clearly angry at the scene - but it's not like Bob intentionally set up to show them this particular scene. Not at all.
He did notice others in the grey and black seats. While Raven looked...well, like Raven, Bob noticed a little twinge of sympathy from Roman Torchwick himself. Neo looked disinterested, so Bob guessed that even she has some lines she won't cross. Bob saw that Adam was feeling a little bit guilty, considering that he did take a major part in the fall of Beacon, if a silent sigh was to be taken as guilt.
The black seats were the most interesting, since he noticed Cinder having a sly grin on her face - perhaps from her being reminded of her most memorable kill. Emerald looked a bit surprised at the appearance of the scene, while Mercury looked like he didn't care at all.
Tyrian had a big, satisfied smile on his face (obviously), both Salem and Watts looked pretty disinterested with the whole shock scene, while Hazel looked a bit...disappointed?
'Huh...well, I guess the big guy genuinely doesn't like unnecessary murder. Then again, he did try to kill a kid.'
"Just kidding! That. NEVER. Happened." Whitley's tone took a surprising serious tone.
"Anyway, who cares about this anime - it doesn't take itself seriously, who fucking cares? Part two? Some other day, maybe never, I don't know. Come with me." Whitley took the camera from the stand and started walking around with it. He then added:
"So, uh, thank you for watching. I kinda do recommend this anime - a lot of stupid shit happens in it, but it's funny so it's okay, I guess." He placed the camera on a carpeted floor and leaned so close to it that the whole screen went black.
"See ya again, toodles, heheh!"
...
Bob sees how the room went quiet after the video ended - it felt awkward, to say the least. It was kinda pissing him off too.
Pyrrha, on the other hand, obviously felt very, VERY uncomfortable seeing her own death on screen, much less everyone else seeing it too.
She still remembers the searing pain in her chest when Cinder fired the arrow on her. It burned like she was being boiled from the inside out. She couldn't breathe, even though she gasped for breath in a panicked attempt to put out the fire inside.
She deceived herself by thinking she was ready to meet her end. She remembered the moment she started to burn from the inside, that all her conviction and will was replaced by the instict to survive, even though it was too late.
She now knew that Cinder, that...that bitch made sure she'd die a painful death. And even though she would never admit it and was ashamed to even think of it, but... if an opportunity would present itself to end Cinder Fall, Pyrrha Nikos would gladly take it with interest. Being labeled as a bad person can't compare to the last moments of searing pain coursing through her entire being, and that is something she owes to the woman in the red dress.
Suddenly, Bob spoke up with:
"Well, you know what they say - it's all fun and games until some kid dies..."
Pyrrha jolted her head towards where the masked host was standing-
"Then it's hilarious."
Jaune couldn't believe what he heard now. Damn the fact that Bob could probably kill him with that weird hand of his, he won't let some stranger to disrespect his g...teammate.
Or he would have if he didn't hear Pyrrha's slow giggles that went into a full blown laugh.
"Oh...my Bob, heh, that was...that was absolutely, hah-horrible!" Pyrrha murmured between laughs.
"But it was funny, wasn't it?"
Jaune then realized the awkward moment of being offended when the one who was the target of the joke doesn't mind it in the first place.
"That was still a poor joke." Ren calmly stated.
"Bah, live a little - Pyrrha and Penny are alive! Might as well use all 'I thought you were dead' jokes' and have some fun." Bob countered.
Roman popped out and said:
"And what am I, chopped liver? I'm hurt."
"Nah dude, you're the guy who lies, steals, cheats and sur-OHGODI'MBEINGEATENALIIIIIIVE!"
And while Roman did have a laugh at that, Neo on the other hand went to Bob and promptly kicked him in the shin.
"Argh, fuck me! Motherf-" Bob cursed as he held his leg and started jumping off the stinging pain, all while Neo smiled as she sat back in her seat.
"Language!" Ruby scolded, to which Bob responded first with a grunt and then with clearing his throat.
"Aheh, since we resolved around joking at the expense of the former dead, let's move on to Whitley's second clip!"
"Eh, sure - it's fun enough." Taiyang noted, to which almost everyone could agree too, more or less.
The video started with Whitley sitting in front of the computer and looking towards the camera. The desktop was turned on and had a title "Cherry & Gals" on it.
"Hello everyone, and welcome to another "anime" review." Whitley quoted.
"Err, why did he quote that?" a confused Oscar asked.
"Well maybe because what he has for us in store isn't really an anime..." Blake murmured, clearly enough to be heard.
"It is night time right now in Mantle, so I'll be a little bit quieter today. It's night time, so my roommate is asleep, my girlfriend and sisters are asleep, their teammates are asleep - everyone in the apartment is pretty much asleep."
"So we... live with him in an... apartment?" Weiss asked.
"Must be one big apartment." Jaune added.
"Forget that, I wanna know who's the girlfriend Weissy's bro is talking about!" is what said Yang, much to the Bob's joy. Why?
Good question.
"So we're gonna be a little quiet. I'm not gonna yell in your ear or anything like that. So today we're going to be watching Cherry & Gals. It is an "anime" that is about a sister who rapes her prepubescent brother with her friend!"
Que multiple variations of disgust and revulsion on the faces of, well - pretty much everyone.
"But-but why? WHY? WHO WOULD MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?! It's disgusting!" Ruby protested, clearly being repugnant by the summary of the "anime".
Bob, however, thought of something else:
'Well, I can't really disagree with ya - statuotory rape is kinda worse than tentacles, now that you think about it...'
Whitley smiled as he stared into the camera...
"Look at his face tho - guy's completely dead inside." Tai said and laughed shortly after.
[A cutesy tone played as the colorful title appeared on a blank background, with a heavily accented pronounciation of the title.
"Cherry & Gals!"
The title cut to a scene of a generic Mistralian suburban house. Knocking could be heard inside the house.
"Kei-chan! I'm coming"]
"This is what I don't understand - why do they make anime in old Mistralian language? I mean, Vytalian is the most common language that everyone speaks, so why make anything in a language that other continents don't speak?" Jaune asked, to which Pyrrha responded with:
"I did meet a few of the creators of animes in Mistral and they said that it, well, it sounded cooler. That, and the voice acting is much easier in that language. Probably because nobody else outside of Mistral understands it."
[The door in the house opened, revealing a blue haired prepubescent Kei who was probably studying.
"Ah, w-welcome home, nee-chan."
"5 seconds in and I already think I'm gonna vomit." Roman commented.
The camera turned around to show the very, VERY busty sister in her school uniform, all with a pink bowtie.]
"My, I didn't know Merlot was performing THESE kinds of experiments." Ozpin joked, in hopes of lessening the shock of the inevitable.
["I brought Ruruna-chan with me."
A blonde, cheerful girl with equally large bust appeared behind the sister.
"Yo, it's been a while!"
"Ruruna-chan!" Kei spoke in surprise.
The scene cut to the sister, who bluntly said:
"Kei-chan, we're gonna have sex. Take your clothes off."
Which proceeded into both the sister and Ruruna jacking off a naked Kei. Luckily, Whitley was sane enough to show only the eager faces of the girls and the blushing face of Kei.]
But even with that, it couldn't stop the groans, some even screams, of disgust. It was clear that the audience were quite repulsed by the whole scene.
Nothing else now could bring a smile to Bob's face more than this.
The screen then switched to Whitley, who had a maniacal grin of someone who was going through agony and suffering.
Some of the disgusted started laughing at the screen. Weiss couldn't help herself but laugh a little at her brother going through all of this, while Winter wasn't sure if she should laugh too or feel sorry for the slowly decreasing sanity of Whitley's mind.
The image of Whitley's insane expression quickly went to black as a mournful military tune played in the background. A few words and a very familiar image soon popped out, all while the tune was still playing.
In loving memory of:
The Nuckelavee
And then Whitley yelled:
"Just FUCKING KIDDING!"
"Oh Gods, hehehAHAHAHAHA!"
And with that, Nora and Ren finally broke and didn't even mind that.
A blank space with a comment replaced the obituary, which Whitley read in his most creepy voice:
"These big titty waifus look like they're 10 years old and it makes me so hard"
But before anyone could say anything about that...
"VSS, OPEN UP!"
Cue the squad of heavily armored and armed police bursting down the doors of some house and all hell breaking loose on the screen as various images of police and riots began appearing for a good few seconds before going back to the comment that had a reply to it:
"That's disgusting, please kill yourself."
"Couldn't agree more." Mercury said.
And then we're back with Whitley who still had that insane look on his face.
"That's all the mental stamina I have for today..." he spoke. He waved his hand and said his goodbye to the audience:
"Toodles!"
...
"That was a blast." Qrow put both of his arms on the back of his head.
"It was fun. Even with that joke, Whitley sure knows how to entertain...and offend." Blake commented.
"I'm glad you liked it! In fact, this won't be the last time we'll see Whitley's reviews, many more are to come in the near future! Now..."
Bob pulled out a piece of paper out of his pocket and, as far as the audience knew, was reading something on it.
"Oh yes..." He whispered to himself,"I think this will be fine, hehehehea boi..."