In The Mind's Eye II, The Sequel
Disclaimer: This is an AU story that combines The Godfather and Greys Anatomy together. I borrowed these characters, I own nothing.
Chapter Seven
Things We Said Today
"Gratitude. Appreciation. Giving thanks. No matter what words you use, it all means the same thing. Happy. We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family, happy to just be alive…"
"... Maybe gratitude… has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle, it takes simply to be human."
Coughing as the tube was removed, Callie felt pain. Her raw throat was painful as she tried to swallow.
"My name is Dr. Hart. Can you tell me what your name is?" Always accessing a patient that has been in a coma for days is important. And, starting with something as simple as asking them to state their name is...sometimes easy...sometimes hard.
Nodding, Callie tried to focus on the older doctor. "Callie Torres." The brunette's raspy voice was soft. Her throat was scratchy and extremely sore from the breathing tube. But she knew who she was.
"Do you know why you are here Mrs. Torres?"
"Car accident," Callie responded immediately. She remembered most everything leading up to the accident. She recalled the truck coming into their lane, but after that...everything else was pretty much a fog. After all, once the impact occurred, Callie was only alert for a few seconds before she slipped into unconsciousness.
After several questions Dr. Hart seemed pleased. Looking over to Arizona the older doctor said, "I think she will be fine. We just need to do a few tests." Looking back to Callie, Dr. Hart gave some encouraging news, "We will do a swallow test in a little, and if you pass, you can have some water Mrs. Torres," the doctor continued. As Callie continued to be examined, she looked over to her left side. The blonde was still there.
Arizona smiled as Callie looked in her direction. "Hey, you did really good. I am so proud of you."
Callie mouthed, "Thanks." It was barely audible, but Arizona didn't miss hearing it.
Whispering, "I love you," Arizona continued to watch the nurses accessed her wife.
Arizona's affection was the highest it had ever been. Why shouldn't it have been? She had almost lost her wife. A wife that Arizona really hadn't completely understood, until now.
Now, in light of the recent accident, and with Arizona now managing Callie's affairs, a new perspective had risen. Sometimes tragedy brings a certain clarity to one's life. Suddenly, your priorities are clear and things are so simple. You know what matters, and everything else doesn't. Perspective is an increasingly rare commodity, but weeks like this should remind us all of just how important it is.
"I love you," Callie whispered back softly. Her dry and parched throat and mouth were begging for something to quench the thirst. Days of being on the vent had taken its toll on the brunette's body. Her muscles were weakened, her motor skills lessened. But she still had her determination. That would never leave.
Just over an hour later, Callie had her swallow test as well as several other tests. The brunette passed and was cleared to receive liquids. And, she was rewarded with the most miraculous tasting treat...ice. The soft pebbles melted in the brunette's mouth as she savored every drop of its dewy wetness.
"Go easy there tiger," Arizona laughed as she fed Callie the ice chips. The brunette was always ready for another as soon as Arizona dropped it in her mouth.
"So good," Callie smiled as she looked at her wife. It did taste and feel so good. Never had Callie been so thirsty in her life. The moistened sponges that the brunette had received before the ice came, was not enough to fulfill the insatiable, unquenchable thirst she felt. Callie's eyes drifted down to Arizona's swollen belly. She beamed with the brightest smile. It was their daughter that rested snugly inside of her blonde mother's body. Arizona's stomach had grown since Callie had seen her last. And, the brunette wanted to touch the unborn Gabby.
Attempting to move her uncoordinated hand, Callie furrowed her brow. It was a simple act, but one she was having some trouble with. The sedation medicine that Callie had been kept on reduced her motor skills. It would take a little for the medication that coursed her body to lessen. But it would wear off. These effects don't last forever. Like everything in life, they move on.
Arizona looked down and saw what Callie was attempting to do. Taking hold of Callie's left hand, Arizona moved it to rest on top of her expanding bump. Firmly holding it in place, she watched as a smile donned the tanned features. Gabby was kicking. She was moving around, and Callie felt it. Watching Callie react to this made Arizona cry. After all, the brunette almost didn't get to witness this simple act.
"Why are you crying," Callie asked as she looked up and saw tears in her wife's eyes.
Drying her eyes, Arizona answered, "You almost missed this. Because of me, you almost missed this." Arizona felt guilty. Deep down, she did. Guilt is something that over the years, Arizona had felt for various reasons. Yet again, guilt was a part of her.
"Why is it your fault?" Callie concentrated really hard on Arizona's face. The blurriness had cleared some, although not entirely. But she wanted to know exactly what Arizona was thinking and feeling.
"I told you to meet me there. I'm the reason you were in Reno in the first place. I should not have left you. I realize that now. I should not have left. And, I am sorry Callie. I am so, so sorry." Arizona's vulnerability was shown in rare form. She did love her wife. The blonde appreciated her wife even more so now. What a heartfelt confession Arizona had just given her wife.
"Look at me." Callie spoke as she watched her wife quietly sob.
Arizona looked up to meet the gaze of her wife. She was ashamed of her actions. After realizing that Callie had a burdensome load on her with running everything, and the decisions it entailed, Arizona felt guilty that she had just left. Callie didn't deserve that.
"It's not your fault. It was just an accident. And, I pushed you to leave. It's all on me." High achievers do not like to accept failure. But they will accept failure when it happens. And what they do then, is make it right. Try harder and do things differently. It wasn't really either wife's fault per se. It was just an accident, yet they both carried around some guilt for everything that had led to this moment.
"I just always wanted to keep you safe." Callie sighed as she looked at Arizona. It was true. The purest of intentions was what Callie had for her wife and children.
Shaking her head, Arizona did her best to express her feelings. "I realize that you wanted to keep us safe. And, I love you for that. I do. I see things a lot clearer. And, it's not your fault baby. It's not your fault." Kissing her wife on the lips with a soft, tender kiss, Arizona smiled as Callie feeble hand pulled her in closer. They almost lost each other. Callie almost lost her life. Arizona almost lost the greatest love she had ever known. This is what a personal tragedy can do for a marriage.
Besides bringing people closer together and often reacquainting them with their most basic human emotions, a personal tragedy can cause a person to realize the finite-ness and mortality of their lives. One realizes that they are not on this Earth forever, despite the way we feel sometimes, and that every day — starting today — counts. It should count as though it were your last day alive. But one after-effect which we don't always realize is this renewed perspective and appreciation for the life we do have. It is true and fair to say that without the bad, we cannot appreciate the good.
"You are a little too sick for this much action," Arizona grazed Callie's lips as they ended their kiss. Eyeing her wife, Arizona knew Callie too well. The brunette's left hand had slipped over Arizona's rear as the blonde leaned into that long, slow kiss.
"I feel fine," Callie smiled. She really didn't, but she wanted to feel fine. She wanted to feel like her old self again. And, she would. It just takes time.
Not believing Callie, Arizona smirked, "Sure you do. You need your rest, but I think," looking over to the door, Arizona saw Carmela standing outside, "I think you have a couple of visitors." Motioning for her mother-in-law and Tom to come in, the blonde stepped back and watched as mother and daughter were reunited.
"My baby!" Carmela cried as she hugged her daughter. Happy tears ran down a weathered face as she looked at Callie. "You had us very scared sweetheart. I thought I'd lost you."
"Not going anywhere," Callie answered in a breathless voice. She was fatigued from the events of the day. She had talked too much. The spent look on the brunette's face told the story.
"Hey Callie, I hope you feel better soon," Tom patted her hand. The two didn't hardly remember a time when they didn't know one another. The last conversation they had on the way to the arena was not a pleasant one for the brunette. But it was a necessary one. And, it never quite finished because of a large truck barreling in the Tahoe's direction.
Flashback
As Tom drove, he and Callie toward Reno, Callie broke the silence after ending the call with Arizona. "I've thought about what you said. Maybe I am too hard on Arizona and the boys. I guess I do need to ease up, I just don't want to take any chances when it comes to their safety."
Tom understood Callie's position. "I know where you are on that Callie. Just give her some room to breathe. That's all."
"I just hope she wants to come back home." Callie wasn't sure after the. Kinds had left, if her wife would insist on separating or not. Arizona had mentioned a schedule to see them. It's, so it sounded like a separation to Callie.
"You two can work this out. But you need to listen. You are notorious for having your mind made up when people talk to you. You make them think that you agree, then, you do what you want. And what I think Arizona wants is for you to not only listen, but to put some sort of action behind what you say."
"Yea," was the only response Callie gave. Her mind was on...other things. Thoughts like, how to keep Arizona from wanting to leave her. How to make Arizona understand her side of this marriage? And, most of all, what to do if the blonde insisted on not coming home with her today? That was the difficult question and the answer to that question was not an easy one.
Thinking as Tom drove them toward downtown, Callie asked, "Maybe I should just let her have a break. It's what she wants. She wouldn't have left if I made truly made her happy. I don't know...maybe a separation would..." That was the last sentence Callie spoke. The last moments uttered aloud were thoughts of allowing Arizona to do what made her happy. Ultimately, that was Callie's goal in life, to make her wife happy. And, if looked like she had failed miserably on that front.
One moment Tom and Callie were cruising along, and the next second a drunk in a suburban jumps the median and hits them head on. It was very disorienting. The impact was loud. Then everything became still and quiet...except for the moaning. Moaning...the sound misery filled the inside of the crushed Tahoe as Callie felt the blood trickle from her head. The moans were unlike any human sound.
The excruciating pain felt in Callie's body could only be described as wave after wave of spasms. Bone crushing feelings enveloped Callie as she lay helplessly on the passenger side. A sharp stabbing chest pain worsened upon breathing. Pain radiated to Callie's shoulder.
"Arizona." Callie whispered as she closed her eyes. It was the last word she breathed out. It was only seventeen seconds since they were hit, but in that short span of time, it would be the most unforgettable moment Callie had ever experienced. She would never forget that day as long as she lived.
End of Flashback
Callie snapped out of her thoughts. Her memory at that moment was jogged by Tom's presence. Remembering the accident and the conversation that took place just before they were hit, Callie didn't respond to her lifelong friend. Instead, she looked at Arizona. They needed to talk. Her mother and Tom had interrupted a private moment, and Callie still felt their conversation wasn't finished. Callie has something to talk to her wife about. She had something else to say. Something that, she didn't really want suggest, but felt compelled to do. And, until she talked to Arizona alone, the brunette would not be relieved from her concern.
Naturally, mothers are relieved when their children are happy, and healthy. Carmela was such a mother. Her prayers had been answered. Her daughter would live and be okay. Callie took a short nap while her family continued talking. The family felt relief that the brunette was alert, and her mental faculties were intact. Often with a head injury, mental issues arise. But that didn't seem to be the case here. Callie was obviously weak, but certainly the same Callie they had known.
Callie woke up as the evening wore on and became a little restless. There were two little people she hadn't seen yet. "When can I see Gavin and Monty?"
Arizona knew this was going to arise. Sure, Callie wanted to see her children. It was long overdue. But she was in ICU, and those rules were much stricter than others. Children aren't allowed back. But the hospital had made an exception before. They had accommodated Arizona and the family well since Callie's arrival. Maybe, just maybe one more time...one last request was in order.
"I will be right back," Arizona walked from the room to the nurse's desk. Since her time here, she had gotten to know the staff well and all of them were on a first name basis. Moments later, the blonde had received the clearance to bring her sons Toby visit their mama. She returned and asked Tom to step out of Callie's room for a minute.
"Call Rocco and have him bring Gavin and Monty. They will let the boys in to see Callie. Just have Rocco remind them to be really quiet."
"I will." Tom walked down the hall for better reception as Arizona waited outside.
Minutes later Tom came back. "They will be here in an hour," Tom informed Arizona as she pushed the brunette's glass door open.
Walking inside, Arizona returned to her seat. All the while, Callie followed her wife with her eyes. She loved Arizona so much.
A most pitiful voiced softly spoke in Arizona's direction. "Did you see if Monty and Gavin could visit me?" She wanted to see her boys. She needed to feel their hugs and kisses. It had been too long, too much time had passed. Callie felt she couldn't wait many more days.
"I did. Rocco is bringing them." Arizona answered Callie in a perky upbeat tone. She knew Callie wanted to see them, and she too couldn't wait for them to be reunited. She just wasn't sure that either of her sons would take kindly to Callie in her condition. The broken arm, the broken leg, the head bandage. Callie was the same, but she was also a little different.
True to Tom's word, an hour came and there was a little brown head that peeped around the corner. Sneaking in as if he were on a secret mission, little Monty smiled brightly as he saw his mama in the bed. She looked tired, but pretty much the same. Well, except for the casts and the bandages.
"Mama!" Monty's squeals brought music to the brunette mother's ears.
"Hey mama!" Gavin followed closely on his younger brother's heels.
"Oh my, I have missed you two so much. I love you both!" Tom hoisted Monty and sat him on the side of Callie's bed, while Gavin climbed on the left side of his mama and kissed her cheek.
"Hey, that's my sugar," Monty laughed as he grabbed Callie's neck. Never would Monty Torres be out done.
"Watch her head Monty," Arizona reminded her youngest son. He was rather enamored with his brunette mother as he studied her head lac.
"Your head hurt mama?" Monty asked as he looked closely, inspecting the brunette's white bandages.
Smiling at her son's antics, Callie answered. "A little bit Monty."
"You want me to make it feel better? I can kiss your boo boo if you want me too." Callie and Arizona had always done this for their children, and Monty was just following his mother's lead on taking care of a sick patient.
"Yes. Just be really gentle," Callie smiled as she watched Monty ease to her head and place a soft kiss, barely felt, but certainly not dismissed by anyone in the room.
Callie held her son's close and tight as they sat with her in the big hospital bed. Both Boy's chatted away and caught Callie up to date on everything. Gavin explained in detail about their little get away trip with Arizona.
"We played miniature golf at the park mama. And we went to Pancho and Willie's to eat. I had chips and salsa, and Monty had a taco. Have you eaten there before?" Gavin asked Callie.
"Yes, I have. It is really good." Callie replied.
"And mommy said margaritas are only ninety-nine cents," Monty beamed as he informed his brunette mother of Arizona's happiness over cheap drinks.
"Is that so?" Callie asked as she look over at Arizona inquisitively.
"Don't look at me like that. I didn't drink any, I just saw the price was all." The expression on the blonde's face was priceless. Of course, her sons would bury her in a mound of trouble, and they had only been here five minutes.
Callie laughed. She knew her wife better than that. The brunette knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Arizona would never take a drink while she was expecting. But she found it funny that Arizona was coming unglued at this moment as Gavin and Monty were in a tell all mood. Their sons had the ability at times to embarrass both of their mothers.
Gavin then brought up a subject that was a touchy one for Callie. "And you should have seen the rodeo mama. The bull riding was awesome. Will you go with us next time?"
Before Callie could answer, Monty chimed in, "I want to ride a bull. And, I want a cowboy hat. A big white one."
The enthusiasm Callie saw from her son's faces made her smile. Callie had always been adamantly against horses and anything related to the rodeo. It wasn't what she had been raised around. It was foreign to the brunette, and to Arizona as well. However, their sons seemed to really lean toward horses, well mostly Gavin. But, anything Gavin did, Monty would surely follow closely behind.
"Can we go back to the rodeo when you feel better?" Gavin asked again. He really hoped they could. He wanted his mama to see what fun it was to watch everything and maybe she would let him have a horse.
"I guess we can," Callie answered. She wasn't too happy about this, but how could she say no. And, they were just going to watch. So, maybe giving in wasn't a bad thing. The cheers and smiles were abundant on the two small boy's features. They had a blast watching the rodeo, and now their mama would be joining them the next time they went to see the rodeo.
As night came, two sleepy boys lay with Callie in the brunette's hospital bed. Hating to separate the trio, but knowing Gavin and Monty needed to go home and sleep in their own beds, Arizona made a judgement call. "Tom, you and Rocco take Gavin and Monty home so they can sleep in their own beds. Callie can rest better if she has the bed to herself."
Soft whines were heard, but the boys didn't rouse too much. Carmela kissed Callie with the promise to return the next morning. Within a couple of minutes everyone was gone.
The darkened room was now empty. Only Callie and Arizona remained, and silence fell. Arizona dimmed the lights more and moved back to her chair beside Callie's bed. That's when Callie knew if she didn't say what was on her mind, she would never have the courage to say it again.
"Arizona...you can leave. It's alright...I promise I will understand." Callie's startling words left Arizona speechless. Never sitting, she moved over to Callie's bedside.
Heaviness set in as a thick cloud that encamped the entire hospital room. What do you say to that? Did Callie want Arizona to leave? Had she thought about everything Arizona had done and decided that she wanted out of this marriage? Questions filled the blonde's mind as she stood and stared intently at her wife.
"You...you want me to leave?" Arizona asked. She wasn't sure what to feel right now. Hurt? Confused? Of course, they hadn't talked everything out, but the blonde thought they were okay. She thought they were on solid footing at the moment. But moments are fleeting...they pass quickly sometimes.
"I want you to take the break. That's what you want, and I want you to be happy." Tears lined Callie's eyes. This wasn't what she wanted, but it was what she had decided to tell Arizona. After all, she did tell her they had something to talk about. And, this was it. This was what Callie wanted to say. It was unprecedented and in Callie's mind, an ungodly act, just allowing her wife to have a trial separation. But, if it would make them stronger in the end, then that's what she would do. Callie would do it all for Arizona.
"I don't want a break Callie. I don't need a break." Arizona aggressively replied. She had changed her mind on that. But Callie wasn't entirely sure.
"It's okay. I will allow you some time Arizona." Callie was determined to allow this for Arizona's sake.
Shaking her head, Arizona tried to make Callie see how she really felt. Her feelings about leaving had changed, and she needed to assure Callie of that fact. "Callie, the human body is made up of systems that keep it alive. One keeps you breathing, one keeps you standing, one makes you hungry, and one makes you happy. They're all connected. And if you take a piece out, everything else falls apart. And it's when our support systems look like they might fail us, that you realize just how much we depended on them all along. Callie, I have needed you all along...I was just too stupid and stubborn to realized it."
Callie sat and listened to Arizona's words. From their earlier conversation, Callie felt that things would be good between she and Arizona. There was something about Arizona that was different. But Callie wanted to move past this...all of this. The brunette wanted everything, every thought out in the open. And, the only way to more forward, truly move forward, was to give Arizona some space if she still desired it. She didn't want this issue to creep up again. Callie didn't feel she could go through any more emotional pain. So, she once again, gave her wife one last chance...
"Are you sure Arizona? Cause I don't want you to come back and decide that you want out later. I can't take that. I can't. And, the kids can't. And Gabby, she will her here soon. She doesn't need to be born into a difficult situation like this. If you even think you want space, I want you to take it now, before Gabby is born." It seemed odd, but Callie really tried to press Arizona on this. She needed to be sure. It went against the brunette's nature to even allow such a thing, and of course, any type of break or separation would still require Arizona to have some security detail around, just to be safe. After all, Arizona still carried Callie's child.
Invading Callie's space, Arizona leaned in close and firmly stated what she felt in her heart. "Callie, I've lived. I've really really lived. I've failed. I've been devastated. I've been broken. I've gone to hell and back. And I've also known joy. And passion. And I've had a great love. And that great love is you. All I need is you. I'll be damned if I lose you again."
Tears fell from pale and tanned faces as they both looked into the other's eyes. The devotion Callie had longed for was here. It was demonstrated in its most obvious form. Arizona's determination was fierce. The blonde's vulnerability at this moment was unlike any Callie had experienced in her years of marriage. Vulnerability isn't the opposite of strength. It's a necessary part. You have to force yourself to open up, to expose ourselves, to offer everything we have and just pray that it's good enough. Otherwise, we'll never succeed.
"Good. That's exactly what I wanted you to say. I love you so much Arizona." With her left hand, Callie pulled Arizona to her lips and they shared an intimated, personal kiss. The kind of kiss that made you want more. It made you feel more. And at this moment, Callie wanted more.
"I love you to baby. But I've told you that you've got to take it easy," Arizona smiled as she broke the kiss. Callie really didn't need to get worked up. The brunette was still sick, and as a doctor, Arizona knew this type of activity wasn't quite what the patient needed. Especially a patient as sick as Callie.
"And I told you I am fine." Never one to back down, Callie looked at Arizona expectantly as she slid her hand over the blonde's hip and rear. The tight-fitting dress hugged Arizona's curves and round belly snugly.
"Well, I will tell you what. If you really want me too, I will take some of that sexual tension away, and make you feel things you never thought you could feel..." Watching the wide smile that graced Callie's face, Arizona once again burst her wife's bubble.
"But, not tonight. You will have to wait until you are home for...that. Now, go to sleep honey." Arizona kissed Callie again, and sat back in her chair.
"I can't sleep by myself. This bed's too big," Callie whined. It was the whine and face that little Monty used on Arizona when he wasn't happy. And, you know how that usually turned out.
That look and tone broke the blonde's heart, no matter how tough she had just appeared to the brunette, she gave in. "I will lay with you until you fall asleep." Arizona replied.
"You promise?" Callie asked as Arizona climbed in beside her. Callie wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. She wanted to feel her wife and her daughter.
Allowing Callie to snuggle into her, Arizona answered, "I'll never let go Callie. A promise is a promise."
As Arizona closed her eyes, she pondered on the past week...There were several lessons she learned and would always remember. First, Arizona understood the importance of family. Family was most important above anything else. No matter what happens, you never let go of your family. You hold on with a tight grip and never let go.
Second, Arizona decided to support her wife and family at all cost. To stick together, because it's not easy running a family like this. It's difficult making all of these hard decisions that fall squarely on your shoulders. She understood Callie's position a little better, and she didn't envy her wife's work load one bit.
Lastly, Arizona realized what this life was like for Callie...That sometimes, the brunette had to go against her own wishes, her own aspirations and even her own nature to protect her family and support them. And, that made Arizona fall in love with Callie all over again.
The things that were said today, they would be remembered for years to come. The promises made, would be honored and kept. And, the love they shared, was to be treasured for eternity.
"You know the things we said today?" Arizona asked as Callie was falling asleep.
"Yea." Callie answered in a sleepy voice.
"I meant them all." Arizona reaffirmed once again.
Smiling as sleep took over her body, Callie said, "Me too."
"Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing… is reason enough to celebrate."