Previously:

"I don't and can't know everything. Be realistic," I smirked at her. "Kiss me again, and I can show you how good it can be."

She fumed. "Goodnight, Major Whitlock."

Elise

Claudia and I met during a sparring round. Her cautious, calculated air had initially thrown me off. My strategy was always to charge with minimal consideration, but when she began dodging me, I knew I had to hold back and think. That day, I learned the importance of pausing, and inaction.

"You met the delegates, huh?"

Claudia and I trekked through the tall grass surrounding the base. The moonlight welcomed us. This was our period of break. "Yeah."

She had short, dark hair. Very aerodynamic in battle. The wind never favored me. "I'll stand by what I said. A gift is a curse. That's why they want you."

She didn't have any gifts, and I was never sure if she felt the way she did because she envied the gifted, or if she truly felt that power was a liability.

"Probably."

Our boots crunched against the dirt. "Do you remember your family?"

I hadn't thought about my parents for what seemed like ages. "Yes."

"Where are they?"

"Dead."

She paused for a second, then examined me. "Did you bury them?"

"No."

"So, you never saw their bodies?"

"Jesus, Claudia."

She persisted. "Is the cat dead or alive, Elise? You never know until you see it."

I laughed at her reference to Schrodinger's experiment. "By that interpretation, my parents are both dead and alive. Wouldn't that classify them as vampires?"

"Fine. Your parents are vampires until you can prove otherwise."

My skin felt like it could shiver. The Jovu had always made sure to emphasize that our families were a thing of the past. But by Claudia's rule, I couldn't claim anything until I saw cold dead bodies—animate or inanimate.

We both stopped when we sensed a presence. Liam. He was holding a large mailing envelope.

"Adams," he said and offered it to me. "Delivery."

Claudia and I watched him run off.

"What is it?" She asked.

I peeked into the envelope to confirm my suspicion. "Some truth. I think."

"Meeting the delegates, special deliveries. And you're constantly being watched. Run while you can, sister. This is a nightmare."

"We're all constantly being watched."

"Yeah, but—" She lowered her voice. "One of the higher ups—he's constantly on your tail."

Jasper. "Liam?"

"The one that took you to the meeting."

"Oh."

"It's unsettling. You don't notice?"

Annoying was a better word. "I try to ignore it."

Jasper and I were strange. Confusing. It was easy to see that he cared for me, and I could also sense his frustration due the lack of my reciprocation. Anything I felt for him bordered around murderous rage.

"Where does he take you?"

"Hm?"

"You leave with him most days."

"For shield training." Which was exactly what the rest of the camp knew. Jasper never let me forget the importance of discretion. If he gave me special treatment because of my diet, that was unacceptable.

"He likes you."

I fought hard to roll my eyes when I met her grinning face. "We're really talking about this?"

Her eyes widened, and so did her smile. "You're in trouble, too. Wow."

"Claudia," I warned. "I have enough shit on my plate. Please stop making assumptions."

She shrugged. "Just be careful. I know some recruits who've been sitting on the wrong laps for some perks. It doesn't work, and it's embarrassing."

This was gossip that I hadn't heard. "Seriously?"

"It's disgusting."

A part of me wondered if anyone had tried with Jasper. As we stepped back into the central base, I caught Jasper's gaze. He looked at me curiously, then turned around to greet Peter. The envelope crinkled under my grip as Claudia and I made our way back to our rooms.

"You want to grab a bite?" She asked me.

I opened my door. "You go ahead."

She nodded, lingering. "I hope you find your truth."

When she left, I opened the envelope and pulled out the leather journal. A note slipped out with it.

Keep locked in drawer.

I ran my hands over the cover, searching in my brain for what exactly I hoped out of this experience. My words, my thoughts, my feelings as a human? More specifically, my thought-process regarding my change? My feelings regarding death. My time with the Cullens. My experience with Jasper.

I frowned when I heard yelling outside and quickly obliged with the note's orders. I secured the flimsy drawer key in my back pocket.

"Elise! Which room was it?"

"Seriously. This place looks more and more like a prison camp."

I peered out of the door, but their scents were already too familiar.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward. An expected surprise.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"How do you like your cell?" Rosalie smiled sweetly.

"Less restrictive than our collective one."

Emmett grabbed me for a hug. "You've grown. Rose, she's so big now. Training, fighting, kicking ass."

"Hey, Edward," I nodded at him. "How are you?'

"I'm well. We hope it wasn't too difficult to get you here."

I smiled tightly. "Let's not get into that."

And that was respected.

"Where's Alice?"

"Kept far from camp efforts," Edward answered. "She has the Volturi on watch."

Alice's only use was for her ability to predict the Volturi's decisions. They didn't need her for anything else. "I saw Carlisle at the meeting."

"Yes. He's been very involved."

"Esme's here."

"Yeah," Emmett laughed. "Mama Cullen can fight."

I couldn't help but notice their choice of accessories. Where was the alliance keeping the girl they tore apart for their protection? Locked away with Alice?

A loud group of recruits went by, cheering for something. I looked over at them, but Emmett stepped into my view.
"What's up? You don't seem psyched to see us."

Their presence here only complicated things. I couldn't talk to them about my problems. Jasper left a whirlwind in my brain. The shield training threatened migraines. More stimulation and I might just combust.
"I'm just very emotionally exhausted from the day, and training starts back up soon."

Emmett nodded slowly. "Not a good time?"

"Not at all. But I'm glad to see you, and I'm glad that you're all okay."

"Define okay," Rosalie scoffed.

"Alive," I clarified. "Really, I'm happy to see you. Are you staying?"

"Yes," Edward said. "Jasper insisted that we stay for a while."

"Did he?" I looked back at the recruits. Laughter.

Jasper wanted the Cullens back, but for what? To serve as a distraction for me? More toys in my playpen? He knew how much I appreciated Emmett's company. But none of this felt right.

I lowered my voice to a whisper, but even that was risky. "Is he making you stay?"

Edward looked at his family, then shook his head. "We're happy to be here for you."

I didn't need them. I just needed the truth. "You'd be happier in Washington…Idaho…wherever it is you call home. You're here because your life depends on it, and—" the recruits were getting louder, and I wanted to scream. The amount of sugarcoating for my expense was revolting. The Cullens needed Jasper's protection, and would do anything he asked of them to guarantee their survival. It was getting harder and harder to distinguish between insincerity and a true bond. The latter was hard to fathom given that I didn't remember these people.

"Take some time," Emmett said calmly. He sensed the turmoil. "We'll see you tonight."

I watched them leave, hoping they would say something—anything to each other to break their facade. But all I got was silence, apart from the rambunctious group of vampires telling stories, joking around, and basking in their time off before the day started.

I dove back into my room and eyed the journal with a bitter regard.

I didn't remember a violent side of me. As a human, I was passive rather than aggressive. I observed the world around me, and rarely participated. Given the Jovu and my captivity, that was really the only option. As I thought back to the previous days of high school, friends, homework… it increasingly felt like a different life. Did I want to rip my English teacher's head off for docking points for basic punctuation? Sure. But my idea of death took a very literal turn these days.

Physical violence and aggression was frowned upon. That was the general understanding I had followed throughout my childhood years. Communication, diplomacy, and compromise were the real problem solvers. But now, I saw my physical training as a form of release. The growing emotional frustration was let out within the main circle of the base.

Zack, our trainer, drilled us for an average of eight hours a day, but it wasn't as high intensity as some other groups that I would watch. For one thing, we rarely lost any venom. Sparring was a good word for our limit. Zack would never let us get as far as tearing limbs. Scratches were common, but we kept our fingers on.

Other groups seemed like they were always going for the head. I would hear the tearing of feet, hands, legs, and I recalled one fighter actually managed to decapitate his opponent. Seemingly, the whole camp had stopped what they were doing to watch. And while a part of me felt deep condolences to the beheaded man, I felt a sense of pride at the victor. I wanted to emulate his feeling. I wanted to feel that power.

After physical, came the mental. While other recruits replenished with blood, I would follow two trainers out into the surrounding woods for my "alone" time.

One of the vampires would always possess a gift that couldn't penetrate my shield. Sensory alteration, pain infliction, telepathic communication, and the list could go on. We would measure the radius of my shield and work on expansion. But our work on my expansion began to slow after my meeting with the delegates. Rather than keeping track of the increase in the radius, we began measuring time. How long could I keep the shield expanded to a specific radius? Were there gaps?

Today, my companions were too familiar. Edward and Rosalie.

We sat on the dirt floor in one of the many clearings.

My first instinct was to ask if Jasper had instigated that they help me with my training. Because all of my questions were about the man that killed me. It was obsessive.

Edward frowned once we were settled in. "Has your shield shrunk?"

"No, I keep it at around a 10-foot radius to preserve some sense of sanity. The trainings are wrecking havoc on my brain."

"It's a lot of concentration."

"The expansion's been tough. We're at 50 feet. But we need to focus more on the strength and duration of the protection rather than the radius."

Edward smiled and instructed Rosalie to stand 30 feet out. "Let's continue, then."

After an hour of Rosalie singing songs in her head, and me focusing in on my shield over her, my concentration broke instantly when I sensed a very specific scent approaching.

My eyes opened when I saw two heavy boots halt directly in front of me.

"This is impractical," Jasper said. "Rosalie, take two more steps out. Elise, concentrate. I can still feel her annoyance."

I saw Rosalie shift before I closed my eyes and imagined a growing sphere. I strengthened the core and radiated it outward, making sure I closed all gaps as I did so. I dyed the sphere with coatings of paint, making me focus on the colored liquid covering each section. But instantly, it fell apart. My eyes opened at the incessant snapping in front of me. Jasper's fingers were inches from my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Rosalie's getting more annoyed. I shouldn't be able to feel her. Concentrate."

I closed my eyes, and he continued snapping his fingers. It was my turn to be annoyed. I grabbed his wrist and put his hand down. "Stop that."

He was crouched in front of me. "You're not going to be meditating on the battlefield. If you can't keep your shield focused with a million things happening around you, we're as good as dead."

I wanted to lash out, so I picked a childish response. He always hated that. I stuck my tongue out. "We're already dead, Einstein."

He sighed like an exhausted parent. "I've pointed out your weak spot. Work on it."

"Maybe if you're nicer, she'll be more responsive," Rosalie said. "Isn't that how puppies work?"

"My crate is too small," I jabbed. "I don't get blankets or sun. My owner keeps a tight leash."

Jasper didn't appreciate this at all. "Maybe if you didn't bite, I wouldn't need such extreme measures."

"Don't blame the animal. It's always the owner's responsibility."

Edward looked between us. "Not much has changed, has it?"

I stared at Jasper for a moment before addressing him. "Come snap your fingers in front of my face, Edward. Jasper clearly needs us to simulate a war scenario."

This time, it was Jasper's turn to storm off. And as I watched him walk away, I realized that we had elements of childish behavior that we continuously practiced around one another. Maybe that was our problem.

Edward scooted closer so he was sitting in front of me. "Do you really want me to—"

"No. Can we do something else?" I played with the sparse grass on the ground. "I want to turn off my shield. Is that possible?"

"We can certainly try," Edward said uncertainly.

Rosalie announced that we didn't need her for this, and left promptly.

Edward whispered to me. "She isn't liking the new arrangements."

"Are you?"

"What I feel is often not important when it comes to life or death."

I narrowed my eyes. "Sounds like something Jasper would say."

The concern I saw in his features was odd, and I mentally leaned into the makeshift comfort I saw before me. But his words were harsh. "Do you realize how much you tie yourself to him? You're looking under every rock to find some answer that—in the end—probably will not satisfy you. You're so concerned with what he thinks that you're forgetting yourself. You don't have to be this exhausted all the time, Elise."

"You see how he treats me."

"He's scared."

Bullshit. "You're the empath now?"

He gave me a stern look. "I can read his mind."

That didn't mean anything. "You told me yourself how much of a manipulator he is. I can't trust your gift."

"Why do you want to lower your shield?"

I looked down at the grass. "Do I need a reason?"

I saw vulnerability in his eyes. More than that, I saw fear. I could barely hear him speak. "If you're thinking about turning against the alliance and leaving them defenseless during their moment of truth, you are going down the wrong path."

My eyes widened. Not because I had the black-stained, ill intentions he was proposing, but because I had never thought about betrayal in that greater sense.

"You think I'm capable of that?"

"You are capable of anything."

I closed my eyes. "Let's try."

That day, I spoke to Edward. Not with my voice, but with my thoughts.

Jasper took me out for food, and I had an important item on our agenda for discussion.

After appropriately disposing the body of a drunken predator, I followed Jasper back on our usual road to the base.

"I'd like to go to Michigan."

He didn't look at me. "No."

"You're not even going to ask why?"

"I know why. Your parents."

Of course he would know where they lived. But maybe I shouldn't make such rash, stalker accusations. Perhaps I had told him. "I need to know if they're alive."

"You told me they were dead."

"I never saw their bodies. I can't be sure."

Tonight was another bad night. Jasper was clearly an undiagnosed bipolar vampire. Some nights, he was calm and collected. Aloof, even. But other times, every little thing agitated him.

"How will that information change your day-to-day life? What are you after?"

And he was also an established sociopath. "Parents. Family. Closure. Do those words mean anything to you?"

"I had to bury my mother. That closure was not what I needed."

I bit my cheek. "Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes, I'm telling the fucking truth."

I paused. "That sounds awful."

"You're not leaving base. I'll go."

"Sorry—what did you say?"

He glanced at me, his expression uninviting. "Yes. I'll figure out if Damon lied to you about your parents."

I knew the question I wanted to ask. Do I trust your word? If my parents were alive, he should anticipate that I would fight my way to Michigan. But I kept my mouth shut.

"Have you began reading?"

"A little."

"I can't forge your handwriting from an honor standpoint. If you're wasting brain energy worrying that I messed with your past, stop."

He had offered to do something nice for me, but his mood was still off. "What happened, today? Are you mad at me because of this afternoon?" Had our interaction during shield training set the tone for his day?

"No."

"Did your car not start this morning? Spill coffee on your favorite shirt? Coworker spreading rumors?"

He took a deep breath, and I watched his shoulders roll back. "If you remembered, you would know that I don't own a car. I did spill blood on a white shirt. I do not believe anyone is spreading any rumors of importance at base."

I could afford to be nice. "What's up, Jasper?"

"Plans don't go as anticipated. It frustrates me."

"Isn't it Alice's job to make sure things are tip-top?"

He looked straight ahead. "I can't trust her."

"I understand. Anything else?"

"You—I don't know what to do with you. It's a mess."

We slowed our pace because we were only a few miles out of base.

"You like me a lot," was all I could say.

"And you don't."

He took my lack of response negatively. "I don't think you can see through the hate. Which is probably what I wanted."

Probably? "What does that mean?"

"I can't control your emotions. I can't feel them. But I'm certain that I've managed to elicit some very strong feelings."

"Sure. Not very good ones."

"It seems it's for the best."

I was more confused than anything. "You're an asshole because you want me to hate you?"

He stopped. "You don't. You can't hate me. It's just not possible."

Oh, hell. "But you just said—"

"It shouldn't be possible, just given the circumstances."

"Jasper, you are correct when you say that I borderline hate you."

"No." His hands took mine. "That's not how this goes."

I stared at him, looking for a joke, a test, something that would tell me this was crazy. "I don't get what you mean."

"Why did you kiss me?"

Jasper was very conflicted. I could tell by the way he looked at me—the determination and trepidation; his conclusive yet indecisive demeanor. He searched for hope in my eyes, but it only made me angrier.

"You're dreaming," I told him.

"Impossible."

There was something very wrong with this man. I pulled back my hands and closed my eyes, envisioning an imprisoned plastic ball. The cage around it grew tighter and tighter, and it became no more than a spec of dust. I heard his boots crunch on the dirt and opened my eyes to see him take a step back. Eyes wide, he looked passed me. Reading, examining. Feeling.

And then I felt increasingly anxious, restless, and paranoid. These weren't my feelings. Jasper was projecting.

I felt the need to protect myself and envisioned the spec of dust to grow into full form. My cocoon wrapped around me, shielding me from intruders.

Crestfallen, lost. It was odd to associate such words with him.

He stood before me, searching my eyes with delicate hesitation. His frustration from the day had vanished. His anger was nonexistent. There seemed to be a more prying issue he was facing, and it was me.

"Is that really how you feel about me?" His hands reached out, silently asking for permission. I nodded, taken aback by the instant change in emotion. He cradled my face for a moment, then placed a kiss on my temple.

I looked up at him, but he wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

And then I didn't see him for the next week.

A/N: Elise notes the childish behavior she observes. Jasper disappearing is also another example of this behavior.

Hope everyone is healthy and well.