CHAPTER7 HEARTBREAK CAFE
A few days had past since the whole house party incident and Clarke had avoided school the best she could. She didn't want to see anyone especially Luna because that meant they would have to talk. Obviously, she couldn't avoid It forever and thanks to her mom forcing to go to school she would have to face it sooner or later.
To her surprise Luna stayed out of her way, except for the occasional 'I'm sorry' text and 'Can we talk'. They did need to talk, like actually talk and Clarke knew that but she still avoided it the best she could.
When she went back to school, she realized she wasn't the only trying to avoid people, Lexa was as well except it was Clarke she was avoiding. She knew she told her she needed time but in her mind that didn't mean they couldn't talk.
Day's went by and the most they spoke to each other were the occasional hi and bye. Lexa even went as far as to sit at a new table during lunch. Her friends said he was because she has a project with Harper, the girl she sitting with but Clarke knew that wasn't the only reason. By Thursday night her grounding took a turn when her mother invited her out to get ice cream. She was technically still grounded but Abby said she was making an exception tonight since it was her night off.
"What flavor will you get?" Abby asked, they were at the same place her and Lexa went during their tour and annoying that was al she could think about.
"I'll just take vanilla in a cup please."
"Really? You always get a chocolate cone." Abby looked at her daughter.
"I'm not really feeling chocolate tonight." Clarke sighed; she wasn't really feeling anything. All she wanted was to lay in her bed and waste away.
Alright." Abby said, ordering their ice creams while Clarke waited at the table.
While waiting for her mom she watched the waves crash onto the shore of Skai beach. There's so much she needs to do and so many decisions she has to make so why can't she just do it? Why can't things have a simple answer?
"Ok, you need to talk to me." Clarke looked up seeing her ice cream in front of her and her mother with a worried face. "What happened with Luna?"
"Do I have to talk about it?"
"Only if you want to, I can see that your really hurting Clarke and I'm worried."
What could she say? How can she describe her feelings to her mother who already thinks she's crazy?
"I'm sorry that you're worried, I'm fine it's just a lot to deal with."
"I know heartbreak is hard Clarke but I promise you, you don't have to bear it alone. You have so many people who love you, lean on us."
The problem wasn't the people who loved her, the problem is the person who doesn't.
"I know and I'm grateful for you guys." Clarke tried to smile.
"Are you doing it again?" Abby asked, she knew what she was talking about she didn't have to say it.
"No." She replied quietly.
"Let me see you hands." Abby held her hand out waiting for her daughter.
"Mom!"
"Clarke, let me see them." Abby sighed.
She knew there was no use in in fighting it so she did as she asked, she watched as her mom looked at the fresh scars in her palms.
"Clarke, why didn't you tell me you started doing this again."
"It was only once." More like once a day, she hated the way her mom was looking at her. Like she broken.
"I think you should start seeing a Psychologist."
"Mom, it was one time." Clarke cried. "I don't need to talk to anyone please."
"Clarke I'm trying to help you; I know you only do that when your mad or upset over something. You can't keep hurting yourself."
"I'll stop, I swear."
"I'm cutting your nails tonight!"
"Fine."
"And we're going to talk to your dad about the doctor, just as a maybe."
"Whatever." Clarke sighed, her ice cram was melted and her tolerance for this outing had diminished. "I'm going home."
"Why don't you just go talk to her?"
"I can't." Lexa sighed.
For the last week Lexa has been eating lunch with her new friends Monty, Jasper and Harper. She met them thanks to having a group project and they all really clicked.
She disclosed to Harper what happened with Clarkes in hopes of receiving good advice that's not 'Stop being a pussy and talk to her' as her big sister put it so kindly.
The party was a week ago but she through it would be best to give Clarke her space. So that's what she done for the last week, the blonde has tried to talk to her but she only offered a hi and casual conversation. Making Clarke feel bad wasn't her intention but she didn't see how they could still be friends at this point.
"Well why not?" Harper asked.
"Because she asked for time and I'm giving her that."
"That doesn't mean you can't talk to her."
"I know it's just easier this way for now." The last thing Lexa needed was a reason to be sad, she couldn't let her feelings get wrapped up in Clarke and Luna's right now.
"If you think that best I'll let it go."
"Thank you."
Lexa glanced over to her old table seeing Clarke facing her, she was focused on a drawing but she looked like she hadn't gotten much sleep. She wanted to talk to her and make sure she was ok, but after a week of not talking it felt weird. So instead she decided to ask Anya later if she knew anything. When school was over Lexa and Anya climbed into Raven's car who was giving them a ride home. She didn't know what was going on with the two and she didn't ask, obviously it was romantic though.
The drive was filled with the two talking and laughing about random things while Lexa sat in the back seat with her headphones in. When they got to the house, she thanked Raven and went inside. Gustus was still at work so they had the house to themselves for a couple hours.
"Dad wants to eat at The Ark tonight." Anya said.
"Ok." A part of her wanted to see Clarke there but the other hoped she wasn't.
"Your not going to give Clarke the cold shoulder while she taking our order, are you?"
"She's not the only waitress Anya, and of course I won't give her the cold shoulder."
"I mean you kinda already are."
"She asked for time."
"I know but what's the real reason your staying away?"
Ugh, she hated the way everyone could read her like an open book.
"I just don't need added drama ok, her and Luna seem to have a lot going on. I don't know if I can handle that."
"I get that." Anya sighed. "Maybe once she's figured everything out you two will have a chance."
"Maybe."
"I need to just do it." Clarke sighed. It had been a couple of hours since school ended and she was sitting her bedroom with Raven and Octavia trying to figure if she should call Luna to finally talk.
"I know you don't think you're strong enough Clarke but you are. If this is what you feel like you need to do, then do it." Raven said.
"And we can come with you if you want." Octavia suggested.
"No I have to do it alone not to mention we are technically still grounded and I'm already sneaking out to do this." Clarke picked up her phone and clicked on the name she's been dreading to text. "I'll have her meet me at The Floukru Cafe."
"Are you sure you want to do it there?"
It truly felt cruel to do it there since it was where they had their first date, but she had to do it in a public place where they couldn't just decide not to talk and have sex.
"All bad things end where they begin, I guess." She typed the messaged asking the girl to meet and sent it. "It's done."
When the got to the Ark they were greeted by the same hostess from the first time they ate there.
"Welcome to The Ark, unfortunately our outdoor seating is closed for the next few weeks for renovations but we do still have booths and table available for you!"
"A booth would be lovely." Gustus smiled.
"Right this way."
They followed the women to a near booth and took their seats, there were no signs of Clarke so far not that she was looking.
"How are you guys doing today?" A man who Lexa assumed would be there waiter came up to their table.
"Looks like you guys get to be served by the boss." Ontari smiled. "Enjoy guys."
"You're the owner?" Gustus asked
"That would be me! I'm Jake Griffin it's nice to meet you guys."
"You wait tables at your own restaurant?" Anya asked, earning a glare from her father.
Jake laughs. "Not usually but my daughter who usually works today couldn't make it so I figured I'd fill in instead of calling someone last minute."
"Oh, well you must be Clarke's dad." Gustus said. "She was out waitress last time and she was just lovely."
"Clarke usually is, I'm glad she provided you guys with great service. Can I get you guys any drinks?"
Clarke couldn't work today? Is she ok?
There it was Floukru Coffee shop. She asked Luna to meet her here 20 minutes ago and she agreed. She hadn't been back here since there first date, not because it wasn't good but because of the memory.
It was the first time she had ever been on a date and everything was seemingly going wrong. Luna had planned at beach dinner for the two that got rained out 10 minutes into it. After being soaked by the rain the pair ran into the coffee shop to wait it out. Everything was different then, Luna was different and so was Clarke..
August 10, 2019
"I can't believe that happened I'm so sorry!" Luna said, they found a table inside the empty coffee shop. "I should've checked the weather."
"It's fine." Clarke laughed. "I'm still having a good time; I mean watching trying to run in the wet sand with candle sticks and picnic basket was pretty funny."
"I'm glad you found my struggling funny Griffin." Luna laughed.
"It was funny but I'm glad we can still enjoy the night together."
"Me too." Luna smiled. "You know I was surprised you said yes to this date."
"Why?"
"Because I've been trying to get your attention for years and you never noticed me."
"Maybe I was just waiting for you to finally have the balls to come up to me and ask me out." Clarke smiled.
"Well then how did I do?"
"I think arranging soccer balls on the field to say, 'Date me' was a little much but it was cute."
"There wasn't enough to spell will you go out on a date with me, I knew I should've made a sign instead."
"No, it was perfect." Clarke grabbed the other girls hand. "And I'm glad you asked me."
"I'm glad you said yes Skai girl." Luna smiled
"God I can't believe you still remember that." Clarke laughed.
"Well it might've been the first grade but my memory is pretty resilient. Plus you're the one that made it up."
"It was all I could think of for my superhero name plus I really love Skai beach."
"Well I always liked it Skai girl."
When Clarke walked into the coffee shop, she noticed how everything looked the same, the tables the chairs even the posters. Then she noticed the girl sitting at the same table they had a year ago.
"Hi." Clarke managed to say without sounding like she would cry.
"Hi, baby." Clarke could tell Luna was sad, maybe she knew. Maybe she sensed they were over too.
"I really think we need to talk, like really talk no holding back."
"Ok, let's talk."
"I'm going to ask you something and I really need you to be honest Lu, I won't get mad and I won't storm out I swear."
"Clarke." Luna sighed, running her fingers through her hair,
"Please." Clarke whispered.
"Fine."
"Did you do it? Did you have sex with her?"
"Please don't do this Clarke, I'm trying to do better for you. I want to fix this."
"Just answer the question, I need to hear you say it. Please."
"It was only the one time." Luna confessed, "Any other time it was Costia trying to make you mad or me talking to her because you wouldn't answer but we only had sex the once."
"Why did you do it?" Clarke could feel the hot tears on her face but she needed hear why, why did she ruin them for this one girl.
"I don't know, I fucked up. You went to that party that I asked you not to go to and I was angry. I was angry because I knew everyone there would be all over you and I hate when they look at you like that. You know that."
"So you fucked someone else? You did that because I wanted to go have fun with my friends, where I didn't care who was staring at me or who wanted my attention because they weren't you. I only wanted you Luna." she's waited months for an explanation and this was it?
"I know and I'm sorry please just let me make it up to you. Please Clarke." Luna was crying to and for once Clarke felt like she actually cared, but it was already too late.
"I'll never be enough for you Luna."
"Baby that's not true." Luna said grabbing the blondes hands,
"I'll never be the person I was a year ago when we sat in this restaurant and laughed while we were soaking wet from the rain. I'll never be that person who spent her first time having sex on the beach with some she loved. I'll never be that person again and I thought it was because of you and maybe that's partly true but I let myself down too. I let you run all over me and use me because I love you and I thought that's what I was supposed to do but I can't anymore."
"Clarke." At that moment it was clear she thought they were going to work it out and be together after this. "Please."
"You cheated on me because of your own insecurities because you were to worried about everyone looking at me, you didn't notice I was only looking at you. And now I can't even do anything without feeling like shit because now I'm the insecure one, and I'm too worried about if you're somewhere fucking some girl who doesn't even care about you!"
"I made a mistake Clarke but I can fix this please. Please baby, I love you more than anything and right now I just need you tell me how to fix this."
"Did love me when you were fucking Costia in your car? Or when you were with her at the bonfire or when you were kissing her in my fucking house a week ago?"
"I only did that because you were dancing on that fucking girl in front of me. You do shit to hurt me too Clarke!" she yelled,
"I know and for that I'm sorry but I didn't do that to hurt you Luna, I did that because for once I was having fun. I was with someone who didn't try to constantly break me and it felt nice."
"So you're doing this for her then." Luna snarked.
"No I'm doing this for me, I'm doing this so I don't hurt myself anymore. So you can't hurt me anymore."
"I'm trying to fix it." Luna murmured,
"You're trying too late." Clarke cried. "It's way to late."
"I can't take any of it back Clarke but if I could, I would!"
"Well you can't and now there's just one more thing from you."
"Anything."
"I need you to let me go because if you don't, I won't go and I really need to do this."
"Baby!" Luna cried,
"If you ever loved me you would do this for me Luna, Please jus —just let me go. No calls, no texts no more hooking up, just a clean break."
"That's what you want?" Luna cried. "You want us to be over?"
"I want to be with the Luna who asked me on a date using soccer balls and planned a romantic date on the beach for me. The Luna who made me laugh and smile, now you just make cry and i can't do that anymore."
Luna didn't reply she just stared at the blonde whose tears were making a small puddle on the table and for the first time she realized how much damage she actually did to the person she was supposed to love. So instead of fighting she got up from her seat and sat beside Clarke. She grabbed her face connecting their lips, the kiss was soft but it said so much, it said i'm sorry and i love you and bye forever, Clarke wanted to cling to it. She wanted to hold her there, she wanted to question if this was really the right choice, but that quick moment of second thoughts solidified why this needed to happen.
"I'm sorry skai girl," She looked into the cloudy blue eyes wiping the tears from the blondes face before grabbing her bag and leaving the coffee shop. Clarke watched as the girl left tears still running down her face as she pulled out her phone.
"I know you're busy but can you please come and get me?"