A/N:

I... am SO late, y'all, but school has been kicking my ass. I am fully aware this chapter is pure shenanigans, and not very length either, which probably doesn't make up for the delay. Turns out filling in the gaps of my jumpy writing style is kind of difficult. Hah... sorry. We've already established this fic is self-indulgent to the max, though, right? I hope those who have chosen to stick around enjoy it anyway!

"We're putting this one outside, on Merry's roof cage... thingy!"

"That disgrace isn't going to survive going sixty on the highway, Luffy."

"Yes, it will!"

Their driver appears to hold an aneurysm at bay by sheer force of will. "You're going to scratch the paint."

He looks him dead in the eye through the rearview mirror. "Life isn't without suffering, Usopp."

"Just know that I'm going to throw it in a lake and enjoy watching it drown."

"You can't do that. It's the communal windchime!" Luffy pokes the metal Bigfoot charm, triggering a weirdly despondent series of notes from the windchime's tubes. "Look, it's Fred!"

"The sound of doom," Franky intones, then flips attitudes entirely and waves at the decoration. "Hey, Fred!"

"You know," Usopp says, "milking your failed prank for all it's worth does not increase the comedic value."

"Your face has no comedic value," Sanji seethes.

"Are you ten?"

"Yes," Zoro answers for him.

Ace raises his hand. "Hey, I'm a ten!" He pokes at the windchime. "Anyway, we've got Mothman, Fred, adorable ghost, I think that's Nessie, and..."

They all squint at the last red and white blob.

Nami wrinkles her nose. "Who authorized Santa as a cryptid?"

Luffy shrugs. "The other one had Elvis." He dangles a second windchime from his other hand. "You'll like this one, Robin!"

All Zoro can think is that they are really lucky Luffy hadn't gotten himself ensnared in this particular windchime. Chopper sends him a distressed stare that encapsulates the same thought, his heartrate ratcheting up at the very sight of it. Five or so fucking knives dangle between deceptively sweet-sounding pipes.

Robin snatches it, eyes glittering like the knives in the sunlight. "Beautiful yet deadly."

"Just like you!" Nami says.

Zoro blinks at the back of her head, trying to decide if that was a flirtation or not. Mostly because it's Nami and she doesn't seem to compliment anyone, except Robin or Susan, hardly ever.

Robin prods at his arm with a finger, then points at the back of Nami's chair. "Is this an emotion?" she whispers, eyes a little wider than normal.

He squints at her, having already solved this in his head with a big, fat— "How the fuck am I supposed to know?"

She stares at him for a moment before nodding. "I suppose you wouldn't."

A displeased squeal from Usopp draws their attention toward the head of the van once more.

"Luffy, why?"

"I thought it matched Merry and would look good on the rearview mirror. It's cute!"

"That is the wrong adjective."

For once, Zoro fully agrees. The sheep heads slowly twisting on their strings within the windchime are, quite simply, fucking hideous. They look more haunted than Mariana, which is a level he'd thought unsurpassable. He sneers at them. They've proven nothing.

Franky dares to touch it. "It's kind of horrifying, bro. Not sure we want that on the mirror."

Luffy pouts. "Nami said I could."

Zoro strongly doubts that, which Sanji verbalizes with a scoff. "She did fucking not!"

Nami sighs. "I did tell him he could keep at least one in here."

"But—" Usopp turns to her with a look of utmost betrayal. "But it will jingle with every bump."

She smiles at him, a menacing gleam to her eyes. "Then drive carefully."

The next hour or so passes in relative silence. It's more alarming that the windchime on the mirror is not causing a racket, but nobody mentions it. Zoro doesn't know what the others' reasons are, but his is out of mild fear. He's not interested in activating the ancient sheep-vodoo by speaking it into existence.

Usopp shatters this hope by swerving into another lane of bullshit entirely.

"Who bought the Furby?"

Zoro's back goes ramrod straight, eyes locking with Chopper's at the exact same time. "The fucking what?"

Usopp pats the dashboard. "This creepy, horrifying little dude."

As one, their heads swivel forward. A bird-shaped lump of hellish plastic stares back at them, wide scarlet eyes bulging from neon green fur.

Zoro narrows his own. "Ace..."

"Hey!" He puts his hands up in surrender. "For once, it wasn't me!"

Nami looks up from her notebook and squeals like she's seen a spider. Before Zoro can do it himself, she lunges for the Furby and chucks it out the window.

She turns to look at the silent group in the back seat. "Instinct. Now let's play the game 'Who Fucked Up?' Because I know someone did."

Silence reigns supreme, either out of fear or in truthful answer to her question.

Zoro breaks it by sighing. "I think that entire goddamn shop might have been cursed."

"Wait, you— you bought one?"

"No!" Chopper shouts, aghast at even the thought. "And that's kind of the worst part about this. We only saw them at the same shop Zoro got Mariana—"

Sanji's head whips toward Zoro. "Who the fuck is Mariana?"

He pulls the keychain out of his pocket. "My new best friend."

"You're so fucking dumb, Marimo."

"Better watch out, Swirly, she'll curse the shit out of you."

"Oh, please—"

Chopper flails his arms, stumbling across the van to cover Sanji's mouth with both of his hands. "It's true, so shut up. Don't bring down her wrath!"

Ace snorts, laughing nervously. "Is she the reason we have a Furby infestation?" He holds up the object in his hand. "Because it's back."

Indeed, it is. The Furby stares on, scarlet gaze blank.

Usopp white-knuckles the steering wheel, eyes darting nervously to the still-silent sheepchime above his head. "This does not spark joy."

Robin blinks. "Astonishing. Did anyone happen to time that?"

"Uh..." Franky squints at his phone. "Three minutes?"

Chopper shrieks. "We have to undo this! We have to go back and return the Furby!"

Nami turns around in her seat, eyes pinning Zoro in place. "No, let's do the easier thing. Just give me the doll."

He cups her in his hands, obscuring her from view. "Fuck you. It's not Mariana's fault."

"How the hell would you know?"

Luffy crosses his arms, pouting. "She didn't do it!"

"Again, I ask how you know?"

"It's a different curse! Feel the vibe, Nami!"

All three of them stare like they've got weapons loaded at each other's faces. Zoro uses his ugliest scowl, refusing to let her have this. It's his goddamn curse and he'll let disaster fall upon him if he wants to.

"Oh my god, fine! You two are the worst." She sighs, slumping against the seat, her voice muffled against the headrest. "You're lucky we aren't that far out. Turn this fucker around, Usopp."

He does so without a fight, right in the middle of the empty road. They haven't seen another car for miles, which is not at all ominous or reinforcement of whatever shitstorm is currently playing out.

"Don't call her a 'fucker', Nami. Have some respect for inanimate objects." Usopp glances nervously back at Zoro, or more specifically Mariana, who remains clutched in his fist. "N-Not that Mariana is— is inanimate. Dolls are people too!"

Amusement bubbles up in Zoro's chest, but he doesn't let the laughter escape. "Thank you for taking a stance on doll rights."

Franky turns to Luffy, eyes wide. "Bro, we should make signs."

"Out of what?" Sanji scoffs. "Sheer stupidity?"

Zoro twirls the keychain between his fingers absentmindedly. "If that's all they need, you're one plentiful fucking harvest."

"Sorry, but who was barely passing most of their classes?"

Luffy's hand shoots up. "Me!"

"You don't count. You're Luffy, of course you weren't."

It's almost imperceptible, given his still-sunny grin and giggling, but Luffy sinks further into his seat.

Zoro scowls, real anger curdling in his chest. "Where the fuck do you even get off saying shit like—"

"Oh my god, use me," Ace interrupts, shooting him a look before nudging at his brother's shin with a toe. "I'm way more stupid than all of you!"

Sanji's brows furrow, like this offends him somehow, and— Zoro stops cold. Brows. Plural.

His irritation all but vanishes. He claps his hands over his mouth, a strangled breath escaping him. He sees Luffy's head cock curiously in his periphery, but he can't stop staring. And he can't hold it in anymore because—

"I thought one was ridiculous as fuck," Zoro splutters, laughter finally bursting out of him with a snort, "but both eyebrows are on a whole other level."

Sanji's scowl lifts as he looks up like he can see his own face and figure out what the fuck Zoro is on about.

"Hold still for a moment." Robin takes a picture.

He squeaks, cheeks going scarlet as he frantically grasps at his hair, trying to push it back into place. The blond strands have inexplicably begun floating toward the ceiling. It twists in corkscrews, slipping slowly through the gaps of his fingers.

"What the fuck, Marimo?!" He switches to rapidly patting it down instead of pressing, but the hair merely darts away from his hands before he makes contact.

"I did warn you," Zoro says. Granted, he didn't try very hard, but he did try.

"Hair up. Identity in shambles," Franky narrates, presumably taking a video as Chopper giggles hysterically beside him.

Nami has already progressed into silent laughter, clutching her stomach as she wiggles down the chair.

Luffy pats Mariana's dirty little crochet head. "I love her."

Oh, Jesus, but he loves her too.

Usopp slams a palm into the wheel. "Are we finally seeing Sanji's whole face? I want to see, goddammit!"

"I changed my mind," Nami wheezes. "Mariana can stay."

"Haven't we passed that rock like three times?"

"Yes, that was where Usopp almost crashed the van trying to see Sanji's stupid face."

Usopp pumps a fist into the air. "Worth it! It was everything I dreamed and more."

Zoro decides not to question why the hell Usopp spends his time dreaming about what Sanji's full face might look like. Crashing his precious van most certainly could not have been worth it. And if it was, there's only so much Zoro can comprehend today beyond floating hair and haunted Furbies. The bizarre intricacies of Usopp's priority list will not be one of those things.

"We should name it," Ace says, inspecting their uninvited guest.

He hasn't put the Furby down since he found it, which may be the only reason it hasn't vanished and reappeared somewhere else.

"Stop naming the curses!" Chopper sobs.

"Forget the curse! Forget the rock!" Nami groans, head lolling against the window as she clutches the roadmap. "We've definitely already passed the town, guys! It should be right here. Just pull over, we're going in circles."

"Good. Merry deserves a break."

Robin hums consideringly as they roll to a stop. "Perhaps this means we should remember the curse."

Nami turns around to look at her, eyes wide. "What, exactly, are you suggesting?"

"It's all very strange." She smirks, glancing out at the side of the road. "I can't help but wonder if it's simply... gone."

Nami looks vaguely like she wants to cry. "Gone?"

Robin nods. "Like it never existed."

A heartbeat of silence stretches on for a century, during which Zoro recalls the ever-mute, demented sheep heads on Usopp's windchime and considers how likely it is that they really are cursed.

Just as he's settled on a range of pretty fucking likely to it's a sure thing, Chopper wails, "I want a refund!"

Zoro laughs, and it sounds marginally evil. He's having a special level of fun with this shit that is definitely uncalled for, but the giddiness is addictive enough that he doesn't care. "On what? You didn't pay for anything."

"No, you did!" Chopper accuses, voice shrill in his panic. "And now all of us have to pay with our sanity!"

Ace raises his eyebrows. "Wait, you guys had some of that? Where the fuck did my share go?"

"The void," Luffy answers. "Just like the town."

"And yours?"

"Also the void."

I think I'd like the void, Zoro almost says. It's probably more comfortable than Alvida's house at any given time. Nice and empty and— wait a damn minute, that sounds suspiciously like a recipe for being alone with his thoughts. Fuck that. The void is decidedly a shitshow of epic proportions.

Usopp shakes his head. "Gotta be different voids. Luffy's has insane amounts of meat and, like, aliens. And constant, shitty pop playing in it."

"Hey, I want aliens in my void!"

"You don't need them. Yours has fire, Furbies, and probably loops that remix of the Little Einsteins theme song."

Ace pauses, considering these words of wisdom, and shrugs. "I guess our voids don't mesh, Luffy."

Nami side-eyes Usopp. "What does my void have?"

"Half the brain cells of this group, plus everything you've ever stolen in your life. 'Material Girl' blasting twenty-four-seven."

Sanji whistles. "That's... a lot of expensive shit." He pokes at Usopp's shoulder, eye lighting up. "Oh my god, do Marimo. Make it fucking offensive."

Zoro scowls, tensing as Usopp does a head-to-toe scan of him before he refocuses on driving.

"Brendon Urie's involved somehow, that's all I can pin down right now."

Sanji hums. "Gay emo jokes. Solid."

Ace pets the bird demon in a disturbingly affectionate manner. "I will call you Furby and you shall be mine."

Chopper sends a pleading look toward Nami.

"Hey, no. Stop it. I can't control that— that thing."

"Furby doesn't want to be controlled."

Sanji huffs. "She meant you."

It's rough, sleeping in Merry for the first time. They're in the middle of goddamn nowhere after driving for the entire day, no towns or cities for miles. Usopp wanted a break, and he trusted no one but the girls with Merry, who hadn't wanted to take over. Combined with darkness, it left them no choice but to stop.

It's so cramped in the back that Zoro seriously considers sleeping on the roof. Correction, on the ground. Franky is so big that they strapped him to the roof in two thick sleeping bags and called it fucking swell. Shifting in his tight spot, he tries to figure out exactly why freezing his ass off sounds preferable to sandwiching between Luffy and Nami.

Nami.

Right.

He fidgets once again, focusing on not jumping out of his skin when the warm curve of Nami's hip on his back moves higher, turns into something... squishier. Zoro's breath hitches before he releases it in a long-suffering sigh. Great. This is so fucking great. Having L1 and L2 of his friend's lady bubbles pressed against his back is everything he's ever dreamed and more.

Oh, wait a damn second, hold the fuck up, excuse his colossal mistake — those are nightmares.

Zoro scowls at whatever's in front of him, which happens to be Luffy's face. And just like that, a lightbulb flickers on in his head, signifying his second horrible idea of the night. Not even bothering to contemplate the thousands of ways this could go wrong, he jams one of his arms underneath Luffy, then brings the other around to fully encircle him.

Luffy squirms awake as he's pulled flush against a wall of warm muscle. His trapped arms weakly push at Zoro's chest for a second before he hums and goes boneless in his hold.

"Zoro?" he mumbles, soft and confused. "Not that I mind, but why're we cuddling?"

He's so set on his goal he hardly registers how odd it is that Luffy considers this borderline strangle-hold 'cuddling'.

"Brace yourself," he mutters back vaguely.

Luffy tenses. "What?" he hisses. "Why do I have to—"

He cuts off with a choked grunt as Zoro's arms tighten, muscles bulging in warning of what he's about to do.

Heave-ho!

"Holy crap!"

Ignoring the rapid and slightly hysterical whispers of his name, he hefts Luffy up and twists like an enraged fucking crocodile. He rolls smoothly into the space left behind. Luffy's chest heaves against his with quick pants, the sporadic rhythm distracting. The feeling of Merry's wall at his back almost goes unnoticed, along with the accompanying burst of relief.

"Wow, Zoro's strong," Luffy breathes, nothing more than an appreciative whisper. And Zoro really shouldn't be watching the way his lips part in the scant moonlight.

He lets him go.

"This spot is better," he offers an explanation unasked for, omitting details that would make Luffy look at him strangely. Like Nami, who somehow stayed asleep while he executed his dumb plan.

Luffy giggles, and that's softer, too, not wild and disruptive and uncontrolled like it usually is. Zoro finds it a smidge endearing.

"You could've just asked, you know."

"Yeah, well..." He blinks, not alert enough to feel embarrassed. "Oops?"

The light laughter comes back in wheezes, at that. Luffy pounds mild fists against Zoro's chest and he grabs them, halting the assault before closing his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," he sighs. "I'm an idiot, now go the fuck to sleep."

"Fine, but I get piggyback rides tomorrow now that I know Zoro's like superman."

He huffs a laugh of his own. "Whatever you say, Luffy."

His sleep laced brain doesn't realize he's still holding Luffy's hand, dark hair a comforting tickle on his chin.

Franky shoves his phone in Zoro's face first thing the next morning. "Look how cute you bros are!"

Zoro knocks it out of his hand. "Die. 'S too early t'be a fuckin'... idiot-face."

The giant does eventually leave him in peace, at least until his eyes snap open at the realization that Franky has a photo of him and Luffy cuddling saved in his phone. Zoro abhors his knee-jerk reaction to ask the asshole to send it to him. Hard fucking pass. He will never need that photo for anything helpful. He doesn't need reminders of the good parts when this all goes to shit. It'll just be depressing as hell.

He scowls at the ceiling since he can't turn the look on himself for being such an idiot. Cuddling with Luffy does not count as a good thing.

He sighs, detangling from the koala of a boy molded to his side, and sits up. "Where to next?"

After a long glower aimed in his direction, Usopp seems to realize the question is meant for him. "Do I look like I know?"

"Aren't you the one driving?"

"Don't look at me, Nami's the one with the map."

Zoro has never been less reassured in his life. Well, no. That's definitely reserved for that time he broke a few toes and Alvida swore she would of course pick him up after his dojo lesson. She hadn't. He hobbled home after waiting two hours, too embarrassed to ask Koshiro for a ride.

Usopp inspires those same feelings through sheer exasperation.

Apparently, it shows on his face since Usopp shrugs. "Probably just another hotel for now, unless we pass a spot someone wants to hit before we find one."

"Your planning is truly impressive."

"I try."

He rolls his eyes and flops back down next to Luffy, who immediately resumes his impersonation of an octopus trying to strangle its next meal. Zoro's not sure he'd mind getting eaten.

"I need a new brain," he blurts.

Sanji laughs but it sounds like a dying lawnmower, given that he's barely conscious and his lungs are shot to shit. "That's not gonna work, Marimo. Stupid as deep as yours has gotta live in your fucking bone marrow."

Zoro throws Mariana in his general direction and takes great satisfaction in the way Sanji bolts upright and runs face-first into Merry's backdoor with a shriek.