Author's Note: My vision for this series is to be mostly lighthearted and citrusy, however, if I'm going to continue it as a true New Moon alternate, there will be a few serious topics that we need to address, starting with this chapter, but no worries, I won't leave you without any fun! In fact, I will include a little extra fun.

I'm working on posting an update to The Gift by this weekend as well. Finding that one a little harder to write.

EPOV

I could say that we spent the entire day together watching movies, but that would be a lie. There were movies playing on the TV in my room, but neither of us looked at it once we put it on a movie channel, deciding to let it play randomly.

I was laying on my back in bed, with Bella using my chest as a pillow, lovingly running my fingers through her soft hair. We spent quite some time enjoying each other in comfortable silence before she stirred a little.

"Edward, there's something we haven't discussed yet...the Volturi."

"What about them?"

"They said that you have to change me. I don't want to risk the family if we wait too long."

"Time passes differently for vampires. It will likely be decades before they come to check on us." That was definitely the wrong thing to say. She sat up instantly, glaring at me with a stare that could terrify any man, supernatural or not.

"Decades! I won't put your family at risk like that." Her eyes were fire and she put her hands on her hips, adorable since she was still sitting down.

"I promise that I'm not asking you to wait decades. Come back here, please?" She looked at me hesitantly but took her spot back in my arms. I didn't want to let go of her. "That's better. I will change you. I'll do it myself even. But there are a few things that Carlisle and I need to figure out first before we set a specific date. Please, trust me for a few more days and then I'll explain everything."

"You aren't saying no?"

"I am definitely not saying no. I will never say no to you again if I can help it." This was a promise that I intended to keep. No longer would I dare deny anything that would make this beautiful angel happy, even if I couldn't believe what she was asking for.

"You will change me?"

"If you trust me to." I wasn't convinced that I trusted myself, but Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle had all committed to making sure I wouldn't harm her more than necessary or kill her. That had lessened my anxiety somewhat.

"You know I do. What changed your mind?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that question exactly, but my grin and the way I looked away quickly seemed to give it away. She smiled softly. "Because after truly trusting myself to be with you, feeling what it's really like to have a mate, to have everything I need, I can never justify leaving you again, especially not knowing what you want too."

"You."

"Yeah." I grinned at her, still overwhelmed that anyone could love me as she did. "I promise that I will change you and that we won't put the family at any risk. I'm not hiding anything from you either. But there are a few things I want to get in order before we set a date. It will only take a week or two at most before we can talk about it properly. Alright?" I was probably going to try once more to talk her out of it, but only halfheartedly, having mostly accepted that her decision was made. Instead, I was working more on planning and trying to make things easier for her.

"Alright." She smiled and I was at peace. Everything was alright. Not having to argue over this was a nice change.

Although changing her terrified me, it was what we both wanted. Nothing we had ever done had shaken Alice's vision of us together with golden eyes, short of near-death experiences. I still hated what I felt like I was taking from her, like a life of sunbathing and growing old with her family, but she was slowly, patiently, helping me to understand that she wanted me in the same way I wanted her. Neither of us would be happy without the other. We weren't going to fight against it anymore.

We were quiet for a while, contentedly snuggling and enjoying peaceful time together. Every second was precious, more so because of how much we had been through to have this, to have each other.

The conversation we just had used to bring me fear, anger, doubt and so much anxiety, but now, I accepted her completely, and that meant every part of her, even the unfathomable part choosing to become a monster like me, choosing to be with me.

One of her warm hands slid under the hem of my shirt, slowly up my stomach and came to rest on my chest. How wrong I had ever been to deny us this closeness. Intimacy wasn't just about sex, although that was amazing beyond my wildest dreams, but about trusting each other completely and being comfortable and relaxed together.

Just as she had always trusted me to not drink her blood, she now trusted me with her body, and she had learned to trust me once again with her heart as well, a privilege I would never forsake again.

She kissed my jaw and I leaned down to kiss her lips properly. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"How much it means to me to have you trust me again."

"I've always trusted you."

"Even when I don't deserve it."

"What's on your mind?" she rephrased her question, wanting me to elaborate. Her tone was gentle, loving. She started playing with the little bit of hair on my chest and I allowed myself to relax into her touch.

I didn't want to turn the conversation serious when we were enjoying ourselves so much, but I couldn't break her trust again, even if it were only hiding my pain from her. I had to tell her everything, no matter how minor it might seem.

"I hurt you when I left. So much more than I ever even considered. It hurts me to even think about how much. You trusted me with yourself, the most beautiful thing in the universe, and I…." I couldn't even finish my statement for how much it upset me.

Her lips were on mine within seconds, calming me like nothing else could. We kissed until she pulled back and looked in my eyes. "I love you." she whispered.

"I love you too."

"I don't want to make you sad, but I'm sure you would like to know more about while you were away. Maybe we should just talk and get everything out in the open. I bet you have some questions for me."

"A few."

"Ask me." she insisted.

"No, I don't need to know. It doesn't change anything about what I did to you."

"You aren't curious why Jacob answered the phone that day you tried to call and check on me? Or why I jumped off the cliff?" She had me there and she knew it.

"There's only one reason for a person to jump off a cliff."

"You sure?"

"You wanted to die, because you were just as miserable without me as I was without you, even though I don't understand how that's remotely possible."

"I jumped because I wanted to hear your voice. I found that whenever I was doing something risky, like cliff jumping or riding motorcyles-"

"Motorcycles!" I shouted; my calm completely gone now. She really had been trying to kill herself!

"Yes. When I was doing something risky, then I would hear your voice in my head, clearly, as if you were right there. Sometimes I would see you too, better than my normal memories. You would tell me to stop or to be safe or to turn around and go home."

"You were putting yourself in danger to hear my voice?!" Anger didn't even begin to cover what I was feeling right now. The serenity from earlier was completely gone for a moment. She sat up and I did as well, my eyes burning into hers.

"It wasn't exactly like you left me your phone number. I missed you."

"Bella, you promised!"

"You broke your promise too."

"What do you think I would have done if I would have come back to check on you and found out that you died?" Even saying it caused me to curl my hands into fists, overcome with anxiety. If curling up into a ball and crying were possible for a vampire, I probably would have. Even thinking of the possibility of her dying was too excruciating.

"I know exactly what you would have done. Because you did just that. What were you thinking by the way?!"

"I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist."

"Then how do you think I felt when you left me, promising me that I would never hear from you again? That it would be as if you never existed?! I thought I had lost you forever…"

She began to cry, and I needed to touch her, but I was afraid of holding her too tightly, of hurting her. The crippling anxiety escalated until I was trembling, in physical pain from remembering how I felt when I thought she was dead for a few hours.

I also started to understand what that sort of burden must have felt like to sweet Bella, except she spent months believing that I didn't want her and that she would never see her happiness again. I always knew that I could find her and check up on her if I needed to, but she had no idea where to look for me.

Even believing that I didn't love her, although she was barely alive herself, she raced to Volterra trying to save me, fully confident that I would just break her heart again when she got there, but not caring if I did so long as I survived.

I had suffered months without her, but at least I knew that she loved me beyond reason, even when I thought she was dead. She had no such comfort. Her last memory of me was one of the worst imaginable cruelty, breaking her heart. She had to live with that for months, never able to escape her waking nightmares of me. Me. If I ever felt like a monster before, I did even more so now.

My lips were on hers before she ever saw me move. Nothing I would ever do could erase the months of pain we had both endured, but we could comfort each other and try to heal together. We could give the other what they needed and what I needed was the comfort of my mate, and the chance to show her exactly how much I love her, even when words were lost to me.

Our clothes were removed quickly as we kissed until I was wearing only boxers, and her the lacy red bra and panty set Alice had gotten her. I froze, overwhelmed at the lovely sight. It was hard to breathe from the anxiety, but also the overpowering love and need for her.

I grabbed her in my arms, laying her back on the bed and hovering over her. As my fingers unclasped her bra, I whispered in her ear. "I love you so much. I need you to know without any doubt that I'm completely yours. I always have been and always will be."

"I know that now." she said softly, her soft hands caressing my face. "I forgive you."

It sounded so beautiful when she said it, and although I knew I didn't deserve her, she was mine.

I removed the delicate red lace from her breasts and rested my head on her chest, just above her heart. The rhythm of it calmed me and I closed my eyes.

"And I'm yours. I always have been." she added. "I made a friend while you were gone. He wants to be more than that, but I can't. It's always been and will always be you. And I made sure he knew that. And now you know everything important."

"I bet he didn't like that."

"No. That's why he made you think I was dead."

"The pain was unbearable. I can't live without you." Although I couldn't cry, I was shaking and practically incoherent, struggling to breathe remembering how much it hurt to leave Bella, and then again to believe she was gone.

"I know. Me too." she said softly, running her fingers through my hair.

"I will never be able to take away the pain of what I did to us, and I'm so incredibly sorry."

"I forgive you." She repeated. "You did what you felt like you had to. But that's in the past now. You aren't going to try that again, right?"

"Right." I said with absolute conviction.

"Then get up here, I believe we were in the middle of something." I could practically hear her raising an eyebrow at me, though her voice was trembling too.

One of my hands found its way into her soft hair, while the other gently kneaded one of her breasts as we kissed, my erection immediately standing at attention.

"So gorgeous." I said, kissing down her throat and to each of her breasts, licking her nipples momentarily. She kept a hand in my hair, lightly pulling on it in a way that drove me wild with pleasure. "I need you so much right now, but I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"Normal humans would be sore after all of this lovemaking."

"Oh, you have a lot of experience with normal humans, do you?"

"Not exactly." It was impossible to resist her lighthearted tone and I found myself calming down a little. She always knew how to affect me in whatever way I needed.

"Lucky for you, I don't consider myself a normal human."

"What kind of strange creature are you?" I asked, playing along. "Don't tell me you're secretly a vampire too. Or maybe a witch? No, you're an animal. A mountain lion? No wonder your blood smells so nice."

"I'm human alright. But I'm not just any human. I'm your mate, which means I'm great with the strange and unusual."

"My mate." I purred in her ear. "Do you consider me strange and unusual?"

"Extremely." she said with a smile and a giggle that warmed my cold, dead heart.

"And what does that say about you for choosing me?"

"I don't care what it says about me. There was never any choice." Her eyes were sparkling, her tears long gone. Her face was just slightly flushed, and her hair was messy, mostly from my doing. She was absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm sorry I was angry with you. I didn't mean to raise my voice."

"I'm not. I'm happy you didn't hide your feelings from me." She reached down and took my face in her hands. "We both did some stupid things, but we've learned something really important. We're supposed to be together. Do you still doubt that?"

"No."

"Then it was worth it."

"All of your pain was my fault."

"So was all of your own pain." She had me there. I had no argument.

"True, but I thought it was what was best for you."

"Next time just ask me. Alright?"

"I promise. There won't be a next time. Not with something like that. I'm yours. I'm not going anywhere."

"And I'm yours. I trust you. I feel more confident now than I ever have in you and our love. It hurt like hell. I hate that it happened. But we're better now because of it."

I nodded. She was absolutely right. I wish I could take back all of the awful things I said and did, but we were stronger from the experience. We were both more confident in each other and although we may have been upset a few moments ago, there was no doubt about us and our relationship. I didn't even really have any doubts about her change, although I knew she'd miss her family and the sun.

She pulled my face to hers and we kissed slowly, gently. She ran her hands across my shoulders and then up the back of my neck, making me shiver. Anywhere she touched me felt right and perfect. I had never felt the touch of a mate or even a woman before Bella, and it was an indescribable pleasure.

Our kiss became passionate, as they almost always did, but still slow and gentle. There wasn't urgency in our togetherness this time, but care. I lovingly caressed and explored the soft skin of her hips and waist that I had normally stopped myself before touching, not wanting to be inappropriate. I had denied us both so much in the past. I truly had no idea.

I shifted myself up to kiss her more easily and my erection brushed against her stomach, barely held back by my boxers. She tucked her hands in the waistband and helped me remove them. I could smell her sweet arousal and feel her heat rising against me.

"Edward." she whispered. "Please." The most beautiful thing in the world, my mate asking for me in the most intimate way possible. I felt loved. I felt wanted.

I gently rubbed my hands over top of the soft lace covering her groin and slid her panties off of her. "Shame I didn't get to admire you in this set more. You're gorgeous naked, but it's so nice to look forward to unwrapping you."

"Unwrapping me, huh? I'll keep that in mind." she smirked and causing me to groan at her expression. I couldn't keep my hands, nor my lips, off of her. I kissed her lips and down her neck and back to her breasts.

The little noises of pleasure and desire she made were heaven. All anxiety or thoughts of anything but my mate were cleared from my mind. "I wish we had done this sooner."

"I told you so." she said, playing with my hair. I growled a lustful growl, looking into her eyes.

"Fuck." she whispered, making me smile.

Growling was definitely a turn on of hers, and her cursing was a turn on of mine. To hear such an angel speak those words in pleasure caused by my touch was exquisite.

I rubbed her slit with a finger, teasing her. She was incredibly wet, and it was hard to resist her, but I was determined to get her to curse again unprompted.

I kissed my way down her stomach and to her pubic bone, darting my tongue through her lips to taste her clit. She moaned loudly and her hips jerked in reaction.

I circled her clit with my tongue, using a finger to spread her lips and massage her entrance, not quite giving her the release she needed. It was fun experimenting to see which motions made her moan more loudly before sliding a finger inside her, earning my reward of a loud, mostly moaned "Fuck!"

I laughed and raised my head back up to her eye level. "Such a filthy mouth." I teased.

She moaned again as I increased the speed of my finger inside her. I growled softly in her ear and kissed her neck, savoring her delicious scent as she tangled her hands back in my hair and climaxed, her legs shaking against me. I removed my hand when she laid back against the pillow, panting.

"Don't act like you don't curse."

"Only in bed." I kissed her nose and looking into her excited brown eyes as I positioned my cock between her thighs.

"Mostly." she said with a smirk.

I slid myself inside of her, watching her face. Her smirk quickly changed to the most beautiful expression of pleasure. She gasped as she felt my full length pressing into her. It was hard to not close my eyes from the pleasure, but it was fun to watch her.

She was soaking wet and she surrounded me tightly, completely. We started moving together and a few inappropriate words slipped through my lips without a thought. Pleasant shivers ran down my spine with each movement. She was whimpering a little with each thrust, encouraging me to stay further inside of her with her feet wrapped around my thighs.

I couldn't stop the quiet growl escaping me constantly, not that she minded. I traced her cheek with my fingers, looking deep into her eyes.

"Trust me?" I asked, finding it hard to talk. She nodded. I slid out of her quickly and her confused face was adorable.

I leaned back and unwrapped her legs from me, then stood up beside the bed. "Lay on your stomach."

She made another cute face, but she complied, placing her round ass facing upwards. I got back on top of her and grabbed her hips, helping position her where I wanted her as I slid back inside of her from behind.

She moaned the loudest she ever had for me as I started thrusting inside of her again, carefully at first to let her adjust to the new position.

"Fuck!" it was my turn to shout. My orgasm was approaching quickly, but I wanted her to enjoy herself more first. Holding her to me with one arm around her, I used the other to reach her clit, rubbing it as we thrusted a little harder, still careful to not hurt her.

The force of my pleasure could not be stopped, and I came so hard inside of her that it made me dizzy, a sensation I had never felt before. She came within seconds of me and I slid my cock out of her, after she shouted my name and a delectable selection of curses.

I helped her roll onto her back and took her back into my arms, kissing her intensely and holding her tightly to me. Neither one of us were able to find our words, but it didn't matter, they weren't necessary. We were together.

"What exactly was that?" she asked with a slight laugh after we relaxed. I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Sex."

"Oh, is that all?"

"There are no words." I replied honestly, not able to think of any.

"You certainly said a few words."

"So did you."

"It's hot."

"Yes, it is." I agreed.

"You can get angry with me more often if that's the result. Or was it the lingerie?"

I growled at her, rolling us over until I was hovering on top of her again, kissing her lips, her face, her ears and finally down her neck. Then, I purred in her ear. She whimpered, but it wasn't a sound of fear. "Bella, my mate, it's everything about you. I've wanted to have my way with you for a very long time."

She swallowed; the laughter completely gone as she held me close to her. "Then do it again."

I laughed. "Now that would hurt you. And no matter how much I want you again, I won't hurt you."

"That's one position we probably shouldn't try unless we're alone."

"Definitely not. Lucky for us, I know plenty of places we can be alone." I purred in her ear.

"If-" she was laughing all of a sudden. "If we-" she couldn't talk for laughing.

"Out with it."

"I can't!" she was snorting from her own laughter. It was unfathomable what went on in that mind of hers.

"I really wish I could read your mind."

"Trust me, you don't." She took a breath, trying to calm herself, but still giggled a little. "OK, I'm alright. If we were to….make love in our meadow….outdoors….would your dick sparkle?"

"Oh. My. God. That's what goes on in that head of yours?!"

"Yep." She was laughing again, and I rolled over to bury my face in the pillows, cracking up with laughter, although trying to hide it from her.

"My mate, you are insane."

"And you love me."

"I do. More than I could ever tell you. Although, we have to have a talk about that potty mouth of yours."

"Only if we talk about yours too. What did you say while you were cooking my breakfast?"

"I love seeing you wear my clothing. Or almost no clothing." I purred, but she was insistent.

"And?"

"You are trying to kill me."

"And?"

"I prefer jeans to sweatpants."

"That's not all you said."

"I love you, and you're gorgeous, and you're amazing beyond my wildest dreams."

"Close enough." she said. I raised my head up to smile at her. She rubbed my butt. "This is a nice angle."

"So was being behind you."

"That felt incredible."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Can't we just stay in your room forever? Who needs school and clothes and such?" she asked.

"I'm not complaining, but I think people might come looking for us eventually."

"True. Edward, I'm so happy. It means everything to me that you are just being yourself and that we finally talked about everything."

"Me too. I want to keep apologizing but I know you wouldn't like that."

"No."

"How about a massage instead and then some dinner?" I asked, rolling over and sitting up beside her.

"Sounds like heaven."