o

Hyacinth and her mate took me to their home after our talk. The Umbreon was forced to carry me on his back since I no longer had the energy to stand. Once I was brought to their home, Hyacinth told me that I was welcome to stay with them until I recovered from my wounds.

It took me six weeks to fully heal from the injuries that the Umbreon had inflicted upon me. And though we had met on negative terms, all of the family spoke to me kindly. They even invited me to accompany them to any outings they went to once I was strong enough to walk.

And during those six weeks, Hyacinth helped me like the big sister she was. We had many long and honest talks to reveal further truths I had fled from. And though they all hurt, accepting each one with heart and mind grew a little easier ever time.

So many times I wanted to blame someone for everything that had happened. I wanted to blame Gash for being so cruel to me. I wanted to blame Crystal for being so oblivious to my obvious pain. I wanted to blame Grandmother for not taking me back. I wanted to blame Hyacinth for teaching me about the patterns and making me forever see the world and everyone who lived in it as such.

I even wanted to blame Grandfather for sending me away. I wanted to say it was his fault I had killed so many creatures without a care.

But I couldn't. Because the truth was that this was all my fault. I couldn't blame others for my actions. I am responsible for my own actions. I am the reason I was such a ruthless creature for so long.

That was one of the hardest truths to swallow.

But I did. I did and I learned to grow from this harsh truth as the tears fell from my eyes and I buried myself in Hyacinth's neck.

When I made a full physical recovery, Hyacinth helped me deal with my client and escape from The Eyes for good. Apparently she was familiar with erasing one's existence.

When I returned to The Eyes and met the Kadabra again, I gave her a green scarf that Hyacinth had been known to wear. I worried she would see through my rouse or peer too deep into my thoughts. But she fell for the trick and happily paid Deadeye. And she departed from us without another word.

After that I faked my own death.

I had to wait a few weeks to not arouse suspicion. Hyacinth had been very clear about that. And though it was painful continuing to work for The Eyes, I did it.

And after I had waited long enough I simply ate a berry that would make it appear as though I had died for a day. It was an incredibly rare berry, and it was only through Hyacinth's mysterious connections was she able to get ahold of it.

The Eyes pronounced me dead when they found my comatose body delivered to them with a note attached. That note proclaimed that an enemy of The Eyes had murdered me and would be coming after their other assassins next.

That note was not a lie. As soon as The Eyes pronounced me dead, I became their enemy. I have since spent my days hunting their assassins, one by one. So far I have eliminated fifty of them. And I have no intentions of stopping until I actually die.

And so ends my story.

There are many lessons to be learned from my story. Too many. And too many should have been obvious to me from the beginning. But there is one lesson to be known above all else.

The truth will not always be pleasant. Sometimes it will hurt and you will cry from how much it stings.

And it is okay to hurt.

We have emotions for a reason. They don't exist merely to hurt us. They exist to tell us what other things cannot. They exist to tell us our truth.

You cannot ignore them. You will become cold like a harsh blizzard and hurt everything and everyone around you if you do. Don't tell yourself that your suffering is meaningless and that you best harden your heart.

Accept your truth with tears in your eyes.

Had I tried to understand just how unhappy I was with Crystal, perhaps she would not have perished. Perhaps I could have spoken to Crystal and made her understand why she was upsetting me so that she could change her ways. Or, if that had not worked out, I could have parted ways with her peacefully. Life might have still been fine if I had done that.

Maybe it could have been the same for Gash.

Maybe I wouldn't have killed so many creatures if I had just accepted the truth.

Grandmother, if you should see this... I want you to know something. I want you to know…

I was happy with you. There was something joyful and exciting to look forward to each day when I had you. You wouldn't judge me. You understood me in ways no one else could. And in times my mind was filled with nothing but dark and hateful thoughts, you wouldn't fear them. You would only listen to me.

I always needed someone like you. I craved a creature with those very same traits you hold in you as much as I needed food and water. You gave me everything I ever wanted when I was with you. You wanted to understand me.

You were the only reason I was ever happy all those years ago. I was so lonely and you filled that void in my heart.

I still miss you. I still want to come back home and be with you. Sometimes it's nothing more than a fleeting thought that I barely notice. Sometimes it's a feeling that opens the wound in my heart and hurts me for many days.

But I know I can't see you anymore. There's too many reasons that make me want to cry when I ponder about them for too long.

I know you will probably never forgive me for what I have done. I know I most certainly haven't.

But I hope that you can still find it in your heart to love me, even after everything I've done. Even if it's just a tiny bit, that's all I hope for.

Goodbye, Grandmother.