Author Note

Hello everyone! Is anybody there?*frowning* Why is this place so quite?

Anyway! I'm glad to see you again. I hope you enjoy this chapter and would be sooo happy if you reviewed and told me what you think.

IRENA: I'm sooo happy for your review. It gave me hope that the site isn't dead yet. Yeah, time changes and passes so fast. I was a university student and now I'm a teacher

Rita: hopefully, they would understand each other soon. Well, Takuya is my favorite beside the twins. He knows what to do even if he goes too far sometimes. That should be said after all.

Disclaimer: I merely own this story.

Kowareta ita Nani no Tame ni

For What was Broken

Chapter Fifteen

Panicked Tears

The silence wasn't comfortable but it wasn't painful either. Time was passing agonizingly slow as if mocking him. Four days had passed and he couldn't understand the reason for staying this long. He was physically fine. Why would they keep him? Scared that he would hurt himself again? He couldn't even if he wanted. Kouji's watchful eyes were glued to him, carefully studying every movement. He grew tired of thinking and gazing at nothing so he took a book haphazardly from the pile on the drawer by his side and started flipping the pages in disinterest. At least, that would distract him for a while.

The notion didn't go unnoticed by Kouji who smiled a bit but didn't comment, stretching on his uncomfortable chair.

A soft knock on the door grasped their attention or rather Kouji's protective instinct who sat up abruptly, ready to strangle whoever dared to knock on the door.

It was interesting how they were polar opposites in that matter. Kouji would straighten, fold his arms and maintain a fierce ice-cold glare to the doctors or nurses who annoy their peaceful silence. Kouichi on the other hand would keep his passive façade and respond to the minimum, keeping his eyes cast down or away. He had trouble locking eyes with anyone there.

Kouji was technically living there despite his parents' numerous attempts to make him leave or rest at home for few hours. And the school that had started today did nothing to make him change his mind. School was the last thing on his mind. Even though the hospital staff wasn't thrilled by the boy's hostile attitude during the incident with Takashi sensei, they apprehensively allowed him to stay. Kousei had played a great role at convincing them of the importance of his existence beside Kouichi. A part of him insisted that it was guilt that forced his father to let him stay despite the school's start.

The gentle nurse from their first day at the hospital entered, making Kouji relax a bit but before he could lighten his stance, a senior doctor who was followed by his father shortly behind, entered the room.

Kouji narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms and glaring at the doctor threateningly.

The doctor who was in his mid fifties smiled at Kouji. 'So that's the infamous young wolf?' he teased playfully making Kouji's face turn red.

The nurse chuckled softly and Kousei raised an eyebrow, wondering what his son must have done to receive this remark.

The doctor turned to Kousei and added with a warm grin; the grin grandparents use when they want to play with their grandchildren. 'He's scaring doctors and nurses out of their wits if they did as much as startle Kouichi-kun there. That glare is certainly scary. Not to mention how embarrassed and annoyed Takashi sensei feels whenever he had to enter this room. He's not making it easy on anyone either.'

Kouji turned even redder.

Kouichi was tempted to smile but fought that and kept his mask steady.

The doctor approached the patient and sat on Kouji's chair, ignoring the low growl form the long-haird boy. 'Hello, Kouichi-kun.'

Kouichi looked at his lap and murmured. 'Hello'

'Hmm, ' he turned his gaze to the book in Kouichi's lap.' Oh, You can read English.'

Kouichi stuttered, a soft blush colored his cheeks. 'Y-yeah.'

The doctor encouraged him with a smile. 'That's amazing, Kouichi-kun.'

Kouichi felt everyone's eyes on him and played with his fingers anxiously.

Yakeru Henote was half shocked, half amused at the whole situation. He hated to be judging but the boy in front of him looked nothing like the normal stereotypes of homeless kids. He was polite, formal and shy to the point of being passive. Sadness was punctuating all his reactions. The look in his eyes wasn't the look of hunger and hatred and anger that fueled homeless kids' souls. He was the contradictory. Gentle, smart and in pain but there was no anger. Nothing that filled into the normal category. Something was certainly off but he couldn't put a finger on it. The whole situation was interesting. The family who found him was too caring to the point of being annoying. Minamoto Kousei cared a lot about the boy and kept calling even after going home, bombarding them with all types of questions about the patient's current condition.

And the boy who was currently sending him some of his famous death glares baffled him. It was strange. Normally families who didn't have children were the ones looking for kids to adopt and most of them avoided homeless kids for sophisticated reasons. However, this family was totally different. They have a son who was approximately the same age as the homeless child. That was rare per say. If they were so eager to have another kid, why didn't they adopt an infant instead of a pre-teen? From the first glance, you can safely assume that Kouji would never get along with someone his age which was completely normal. Interestingly, that wasn't the case. Nurses told him about how aggressive Kouji was towards anyone who would make any kind of an off remark. He wouldn't leave Kouichi's room no matter what. The security tried to throw him out once but the result was catastrophic. He had beaten two security men and intended to proceed if it weren't for Kouichi's pleads to stop. Placated by Kousei's logical reasoning that it was better for him to remain in the room since Kouichi's condition was so fragile and on the verge of panicking any second, they agreed to let him stay as long as he stayed civil.

Funnily, they didn't look like they were getting along much. None of the nurses reported hearing them talk or laugh or exchange conversations. They were always silent whenever someone entered the room. Yet they were unconsciously comfortable at the presence of the other as if words weren't needed to keep them at ease.

'So Kouichi- kun. I assume you are getting better for few questions. You may even leave tomorrow.'

Kouichi didn't respond. The doctor expected a smile or at least a relieved expression but the boy remained strained. He gave a nod after a long minute of silence.

'So..' the doctor spoke kindly. 'You remember anything about your family?'

Kouichi winced in a noticeable inner pain. 'I-I remember Mum.'

The doctor cooed. 'So what do you remember about your mother? Anything special?'

Kouichi felt warmth seeping owards his heart despite the involuntary shudder. Kouji pulled his palms into fists, suppressing his pain as best as he could but the expression on his face was torturing even though he avoided to look at him directly. He could also sense Kousei's tension. There was something that his father didn't tell him and there had to be a reason for the strange background story that Kousei gave to the hospital. There had to be a reason for all of this mess. He wanted to believe him so desperately.

He would tell them about his mother. Finally someone asked about her. No one had ever asked neither Kouji nor his father. No one. The world forgot her but Kouichi wouldn't so he grasped the chance to talk about her immediately.

'She was very nice and she took care of me. She was sick and tired yet she worked very hard to provide what I needed. She would tell me stories before going to bed and would take me to the kindergarten herself and come to take me home. She…she loved me. I was all she had. Mama..Mama died when I was four.' He was babbling, tears swam in his eyes but he prevented them from falling.

He desperately wanted to go on talking like rain which started pouring and wouldn't stop but the devastated look on Kouji's face forced him to stop. Kouji didn't' remember his mother at all. He didn't even have a picture of her till Kouichi appeared in his life. It was cruel enough that only him had a memory of her. He shouldn't brag about it any further

'I see. I'm sorry if this gets personal but we need to make some notes in order to clear the hospital's responsibility.'

Kouichi knew the motive behind the question. He stressed, wiping his tears and pronouncing his words with enough force that left the doctor speechless. 'My parents were married. I'm not an illegal child.'

This was unforgivable. He wouldn't allow anyone to think low of his mother. Never.

The doctor was taken aback by the aggressive notion yet he didn't retreat. 'And your father?'

Kousei cursed under his breath and gritted his teeth. He looked at his feet in a hardly masked shame and put his palms into his pockets in order to prevent them from shaking. No one except the twins noticed the reaction.

'I- I don't remember him,' Kouichi replied softly then added. 'He-He died before my mother…'

Kousei's eyes snapped and looked at him intensely, banishing the tears away in shock.

'Are you sure? Maybe he had abandoned you two or somethi-?

'No!'Kouichi yelled in outrage. 'He would never leave us! He would never let us suffer.'

Never. There must be a reason. His mother talked so respectfully about his father. He could still remember her words. 'Daddy will come for you. He'll always love you!'

Kousei wanted to break down and cry but he couldn't. Not now. Not when his son was fighting so hard to stay strong….to believe in him.

The doctor sighed and looked at the boy sorrowfully. ' Do you remember your family name or your mother's?'

The boy gulped, hesitant and scared, his eyes downcast. 'I-I don't remember.'

He's nameless. No family name. He had to believe that his father had his reasons or he would go insane.

'Any relatives you know? Any siblings?' the doctor asked simply, concluding the family-related questions. The inquiry was so straightforward and he was positive that it wouldn't trigger any outbreak which was partially true.

Kouichi rose his head as if slapped then avoided the doctor's eyes. He tried to shrink…to disappear. He didn't need to look at Kouji to sense the other's distress. He could feel Kouji's hardly contained rage. His brother's suffering couldn't be fake.

Kouji wanted to shout at the doctor, to yell at his brother,to scream at his father for putting them in such a situation and for a minute he didn't care. He wanted Kouichi to say yes. To tell the whole world that they were brothers…that they would be real brothers.

'No.' came the reply. Emotionless and plain.

Kouji flinched at the finality of the answer. He chewed his lip in pain. He expected the reply but that didn't make it any less hurtful.

The doctor took a deep breath. Now the painful questions would start. ' All right, Kouichi-kun, we need to know few extra details about your life out there.'

He shifted his gaze to Kouji who was struggling to keep his composure. 'Kouji-kun, could you wait outside? This is getting too personal for you to be here.'

A child shouldn't hear what was going to be said…

Kouji growled, regaining his stony stance. 'I'm not leaving.'

The doctor turned his gaze to Kousei in a meaningful look which was understood immediately. 'Kouji, go out. Now.'

Kouji took a pleading glimpse at his brother, waiting for him to shake his head slightly or to give him any sign to stay just like how he used to do in the previous few days. Their eyes met for a split second before Kouichi looked away almost…disgusted …ashamed.

Kouji gritted his teeth in irritation and muttered to the stifling silence. 'Fine, I'll be waiting outside.'

The statement wasn't directed to anyone but Kouichi.

He didn't want Kouji to be there. For the first time since he was admitted here, he wanted nothing but to stay away from him. They weren't communicating much but he couldn't stand being alone without Kouji there. As childish and selfish as it looked, Kouji's existence made him safe. Secure.

Kouji was innocent. He didn't know about the cruelty of the world. Unlike him. He was tainted to the very core. He was far from being pure and he couldn't stand letting Kouji know.

Kouji had enough nightmares to deal with. As much as he hated to admit but what he had done had affected Kouji more than he had expected. He hadn't expected him to almost collapse under the burden of guilt. Ironically, Kouji had merely pulled the last straw. He had nothing to do with his desire to die. After all, he had pushed him towards the edge but he wasn't the person who had made him reach that edge to begin with.

'So, Kouichi-kun. I know this looks awful but we need to know. Maybe we can help those who suffer the same circumstances.'

Kouichi's breaths hitched in his chest. He clutched the fabric of his chest as the pain increased. Physical pain.

'Listen son,' the doctor tried. 'You went through a lot… If you could tell us names or places. Anything you remember? Anything helps.'

Kouichi trembled. He took each breath with difficulty and the air was stubbornly refusing to enter his system easily.

Hinote-sensei hesitated before asking professionally. 'Let's start with the err- the operation you went through. Do you remember anything?'

His heart clenched with enough force to make him gasp and kneel forward as if punched, clutching his sides, sweat covered him thickly that he felt drowning. He could hardly have the energy to breath.

No! Not again! He shouted at himself.

'Please, Kouichi-kun. We may be able to save innocent children!'

He tried. He really did but the pain was overpowering. 'A d-dark basement of…of a mansion. Somewhere outside the…the city. They-they were three… ma-masked. A project they said. I-I was awake. No An- anesthesia.'

Collected gasps followed his barely coherent words. He felt nauseas and a deep urge to throw up along with an irresistible dizziness. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Only screams.

He pulled at his hair fearfully with one hand to his head and the other clutched his shirt. All at once. Screaming and shivering and sweating. He didn't know how he had the power to scream. His heart bumped crazily. It was going to stop beating any second. He knew that.

Images of masked people hovering over his limp form. He was lying on an operation bed, light pierced into his skull making him grimace. It was a dark, dirty basement. No windows. No light except the bright lamps that were above him, making everything around him bitch black. The scent of blood was awfully disgusting.

He couldn't form a word or move an inch despite his frantic his mind's orders to react. His body was trapped with strong strips and a sticky tape was on his mouth. His eyes moved insanely looking around the room to fall upon the three masked faces above him. He shrieked inwardly in terror when he noticed the absence of his clothes.

'Oh, he woke up. He's so cute when he's scared.' A young blonde man squealed in a sickening pitch .

'Shouldn't we drug him?'This voice was uncertain.

'Oh come one, you'll miss half the fun if he was unconscious.' The third man said while playing with a sharp scalpel, eyes examining him dangerously.

'Fine, let's start. I want to finish that research as fast as I can,' the worried voice added anxiously .'Shouldn't we bought an organ from the black market to finish this stupid project. Or a dead one for that matter. Everyone is doing the same. That would be way easier.'

'And where's the excitement in that?' The one who was playing with the scalpel and checking the various attached machines licked his lips in hunger. 'His skin would tear so easily. That would be an interesting experience. I wonder how long would he remain awake before passing out.'

The first voice replied in a disgusting sweetness. 'We may even have extra fun after the operation. Just look at his adorable face and imagine how it would twist in terror and joy. He'll be entertaining.'

The other scowled. 'I don't really care about your sense of fun. I'm more interested in how this scalpel would do wonders on him…'

He was going insane. His mind went blank with pain.

It was happening again. The IV was attached to him like before. The horribly white walls were glaring at him just like before. The white coats were gathering around him hauntingly.

He was floating. Shouts tried to reach him but he was long gone. He couldn't comprehend anything other than the screaming. He saw people around him, calling for him to relax but he couldn't understand any word. They looked like moving drawings. Too Surreal.

'No!' It must be him. His voice was hoarse and sharp and full of pain.

'Don't come closer!' he shouted again in terror. His eyes looking for anything, anything at all to stop the figures that were approaching him. He snatched an empty glass from the drawer and waved it weakly in front of him.

'Stop it!' his voice mingled with others but he didn't care. He started hitting the glass unconsciously, ignoring the pain that was stretching all over his body. He would stop them this time. No one would make him a disgusting tool. He would prevent it from happening again.

'It's okay. It's okay.' a freaked out mantra reached him soothingly. The voice was so close for his comfort. He felt something wrapping around him and he snapped, hitting the glass with enough force that made it shatter. Something warm dripped out of the clutching hand and the sensation started to leak in slowly..

Voices started making a meaning. He heard names. His name and…

'Kouji!' a voice shouted.

He suddenly felt the comforting tight grip around him loosen a bit as he stopped struggling against the embrace. Long black hair was tickling his face along with something warm. Tears and blood were mingling to run slowly on his face. Neither of them were his.

'It's okay,' the comforting voice whispered weakly.

'Kouji?'

Kouji raised his head a bit and smiled at him, squeezing one of his eyes shut in pain. He muttered into his brother's ears so only Kouichi could hear him. 'It's fine, Nii-san. I'm here'

The nurse approached them hesitantly. 'Kouji-kun! You're bleeding!

Bleeding. Why?

The pain in his palm throbbed, revealing the broken glass that he was still holding. Kouji's black hair was smeared with fresh blood. Not that the long haired boy seemed to care.

'I'm fine. It's nothing. Just a scratch,' he gritted his teeth to prevent a painful cry.

'W-what h-happened?' he asked when he found his voice.

No one answered.

Kouji's body betrayed him as the pain made him waver and his weight fell partially on Kouichi's shoulder as his arms fell loosely to his sides.

'No, Kouji. I didn't mean to-' he panicked and touched Kouji's cheeks with his bloody hand staining the other's skin red. He held his face and tried so gently to make Kouji look at him. 'I-I thought it it…was…was-'

Fingers reached for his hair and stroked it loosely in attempt to sooth his hysterical words. Kouji smiled gently and forced his eyes to fully open. 'I'm fine. It's not your fault.'

His voice came strong and confident leaving him no space to protest.

Kousei came closer to his sons in slow, organized steps then inhaled a deep, exasperated breath, keeping his hands into his pockets in a relaxed stance. 'Come on, Kouji! You had worse with martial arts and everything. Let's get this scratch cleaned.'

He reached and gripped Kouji by the arm, pulling him gently from Kouichi's grip. The younger twin leant a bit on his father but was mostly walking on his own, refusing the wheelchair a nurse brought. 'I'll be back in a minute. Nothing is serious.' With that he left the room along with his father, leaving a shocked Kouichi behind.

The second the door closed behind them, his weight collapsed completely against his father who caught him in his arms tightly. Kousei gave his son one of the rarest smiles he had ever managed. 'You were great, Kouji. Rest for now.'

Author Note

I made a lot of research especially regarding the panic attack syptomes. They look a lot like a heart attack and that's why Kouichi acted so. The patients feels Physical symptoms during a panic attack, such as a pounding or racing heart, sweating, chills, trembling, breathing problems, weakness or dizziness, tingly or numb hands, chest pain, stomach pain, and nausea. The feeling of unreality or detachment.