TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of a stillbirth.

So this began a series of confessional days, where Emma spun out the history of August's past... (from the moment they met in that foster home, anyway) to keep him alive. By the second week, she had developed the New York willies. The guilt that every out-of-towner feels... ... if she's not improving her mind every goddamn second. She made a list of things I should do. Museums, plays, run six miles in under 50 minutes. See three foreign films all at the same time. Anything not to feel guilty.

"Emma, how old was August when you first realized... ... something was wrong with him?"

"Hmmmmmm, about 15. It wasn't long after I got to that foster home. August had been there for about a year before I got there. He had seen many things that he probably shouldn't have. He never would divulge any of it to me. But he stayed for Lila. She could be a nasty bitch but she had her good days and August felt a bit protective over her since he saw how Jared and Brad treated her. For being her biological son, Brad was a disgusting pig. He said things to her that no son should ever say to his mother - biological or not." Emma's tone was one of dark disgust, her scowl enough to warn Regina not to ask.

"Did anything specific happen to August?" Regina inquired gently. She realised this was a sensitive subject for Emma.

"Well, when I first got there, Lila was heavily pregnant. She was about to pop, or so I thought. I was 12 at the time. Anyway, just a couple of weeks later, she went into labour at home. She had the baby at home. It was stillborn. She told us it died because we were bad. Anyway, we were gonna bury it the next day...so Jared wrapped it in some towels and put it in the freezer. That night, I got up to get a drink of water... ...and I saw August sitting in the rocking chair...with the dead baby in his arms. He was saying..."You're the lucky one because you don't have to live with us." And just kept rocking the dead baby."

"Did you say anything to him?" Regina asked as she quietly wrote notes down.

Emma shook her head. "The next day I did, but he didn't remember anything about it. When I told him, he said... ..."Why would anyone do a crazy thing like that?"

"So you were his memory even then?" Regina hummed.

"I guess so," just shrugged.

"Goddamn locks! I'm coming! I'm coming!" Emma muttered under her breath. She had just arrived back at the apartment when her mobile phone had started to ring. She had a shopping bag in one hand and was trying to unlock the door with the other. She finally managed to open the door and kicked it closed behind her, running to the kitchen to deposit her groceries.

The phone was still ringing when she could finally answer it.

"Hello," she said, without checking the caller id.

"Where the hell are you?" Emma gasped and looked at her phone to check the caller id. It said "Number Unknown". But she didn't need it to know that voice.

"Lily?"

"Yes, Emma, it's me. Your fiance. Or have you forgotten me already!?"

"Uh… you left me four months ago, Lily. I got home from work one night to see a note stuck to the fridge door saying: " Sorry, I can't do this anymore." Or did you crash and hit your head and get amnesia?" Emma was really angry. Lily had left her like that twice. The first time, blamed herself -she was young and naive. Emma was so in love with Lily and took her back after Lily had left for two months without even a note. Emma thought she had done something wrong. They had been together for a year before the first time Lily had left. Then when she came back and Emma had forgiven her, they had been together for three years. Lily had even fucking proposed to Emma. Then just three weeks later, she left again. At least she had left a note the second time around. Emma was completely heartbroken, but also very angry at Lily. But mostly angry at herself for trusting someone so much. Love was a weakness, one of her foster mothers had once told her. She was right.

"I told you what I was like, Emma. About my broken childhood and also being an orphan-"

"You had parents, for fucks sake Lily! You were one of the lucky ones who got adopted in their teens."

"They aren't my real parents, Emma! You should know how important that is!"

"DNA doesn't matter! They loved you as if you were their own flesh and blood. I would have killed for something like that…." Emma trailed off.

"Well, you gave away your baby! What does that say about you, huh? He's living the same rotten life you were subjected to and that's your fault!"

"No, it's not. I didn't leave him on the roadside covered in just a blanket in the middle of winter in Maine." Emma said, eerily calm. "Now I'm going to hang up, Lily. Do not - and I mean this from the bottom of my heart - do NOT call me back. Ever again. Good-bye, Lily." With that, Emma hung up and went to unload her groceries in as calm a manner as she could. Her mood was ruined, so after that, she took a quick shower and went to bed early, skipping dinner entirely. Now if anyone knew Emma Swan, they would know how much she loved food and never missed an opportunity to eat. If she did, then she must have been ill.

"...took me a few years to tell August about my secret. And when I did, he just fell on the floor, howling. Apparently Lila had each of us - and Tom too - into that room... ...and told them exactly the same thing. That she loved us the most out of all her children. Even more than Brad. Though that wasn't hard to believe," Emma rolled her eyes. "Lila made us promise not to tell anyone."

"Why did you tell me that story?" Regina finally asked when Emma had taken a moment to catch her breath. She had come into her office agitated and just started telling her this story.

"To prove that Lila would... Just to show why August could never trust her."

"You mean why you could never trust her," Regina challenged Emma.

"I'm sorry," Emma said sarcastically, "that's the wrong story. Let's just skip it... ...and I'll try to think of a better one." Emma was pacing the office, her hand going through her hair or over her face.

"What's bothering you?" Emma was clearly upset.

"Global warming, acid rain, the national debt... And my ex-fiance phoned me out of the blue, asking me where the hell I am. She's the one who left me, for fuck sake. Twice! I took her back the first time she left and came back. She promised not to do that again. She even proposed to me and I said yes! Jesus! I feel like such an idiot. I never even knew it was going on. I thought everything was great between us then BAM! I come home to find a fucking note on the fridge - "

"Maybe you weren't paying attention," Regina said calmly.

"Bullshit! Let's face it, Mills. I know I'm a lesbian and going against my own sex, but women are more devious than men. We're great at hiding things. We keep secrets-"

"You've not met Mary Margaret," Regina grumbled to herself. Emma just ignored that remark because who the fuck is Mary Margaret, anyway.

"-We smile when we lie. We expect our partners to be a tower of strength. When she's got a few weaknesses and insecurities, what do we do? We turn around, and goddammit, we betray her!"

"So you feel that Lila betrayed you?"

"I was talking about my ex-fiance! Oh, God, I hate this Freudian crap," Emma said whilst pacing yet again. "It's not your job to listen to my problems. I'd like to go now."

"You're free to leave anytime."

"Good!" Goddamn shrink. Who was Emma kidding? She was a champion at keeping secrets. Better than anyone she ever knew. Until Regina Mills came along. Emma was a woman who never talked...now she is doing nothing else. Regina's questions were making Emma as dizzy as Regina's perfume. Emma finally got home after ranting to herself all the way home. She'd had a late afternoon session on that Friday afternoon and was now ready for a weekend free from non-stop talking. She was going to have a nice relaxing evening watching Netflix and ordering takeout from a Chinese takeaway she had recently discovered nearby. And a glass of gin. She discovered August had a bar that was well stocked with all types of liquor. She was surprised since she only ever saw him drink beer. Sometimes whisky, but not often as it made him super sleepy super fast. Coincidentally, Emma had ended up falling asleep on the sofa and woke up on Saturday morning by a big bang on her door. She shot up with a fright and then discovered a long string of drool sliding down her chin as Graham entered with coffee and cinnamon sugar Bearclaws from Vesuvio Bakery.

"Nice look, Swan. I'm assuming you didn't Netflix and chill last night?" Graham placed her coffee and baked goods on the coffee table in front of her as she stretched.

"You assume correctly," she said through her stretch. "Thanks for this." She sat and took a big bite out of her Bearclaw. "So, what's up?" She took a drink from her coffee and moaned. "Mmmmmm. Good coffee. You remembered my sugar too." Emma smiled at Graham.

"Of course. How could I forget the amount of sugar you take and yet remain so skinny. I remember meeting you all those years ago in Juvie. You were skinny then. You are almost just as skinny now."

"Hey, watch it." Emma playfully kicked him. "I remember you only had eyes for Ruby. Can't believe you never got fired for sleeping with her. She was an inmate for crying out loud!" Emma laughed.

"She was mature for her age. I couldn't help it. Loved her the first time I saw her. We were kindred spirits, or so I thought." Graham grew sombre, thinking of how Ruby just left him for a little pip-squeak of a man. He looked like a mouse. Whereas he was more of a wolf.

"Her loss, Graham." Emma put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah… anyway, I'm having a party tonight at my place. Lots of booze and single girls. Come. You need to get laid!"

"Ha, ain't that the truth. Hey, you'll never guess who called me on Thursday night!"

"No…!"

"Yes! Can you believe it! And she had the nerve of accusing me of giving up my baby after my shitty time in the system. Grrrrrr! I was so pissed off, I went to bed without dinner!"

Graham whistled. "Holy shit. Sorry, Swan. You know you gave your kid the best chance in life, right? Dave did a great job giving you the name of that adoption agency. Your kid has a loving family. You were just 18. I know you loved him, Em. You loved him so much. What you did was selfless. Don't forget that." Graham gave Emma a tight hug when he noticed how emotional she had become. "Come tonight," he whispered in her ear as he rubbed her back then kissed her cheek. He then released her and held Emma at arm's length. Lots of pretty girls will be there. Even just talking might be good for you. Don't hide away here." He then walked back towards her door, stealing a banana from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter on his way out.