Part 3: Co-operation
Chapter 7: The new lieutenants are decided; everyone consequently gets drunk
Rukia had a strange thought right then. What if that belonged to her?
Despite the many responsibilities in his life, Kuchiki Byakuya was not a man who cared about much. He had started off caring greatly for his family and the Kuchiki clan but that veil had lifted upon meeting his wife when, for the first time, he found someone could challenge the ideals he had been taught from since he was a child. Now, it was only through obligation to his parents' memories and his grandfather's legacy that he maintained the Kuchiki clan to the best of his ability. As for the members of the clan itself, it could not be said that he cared for them in particular.
He cared for his squad, which he was directly responsible for and who were reflections of himself as captain, but did not care much for the Gotei 13 at large.
He cared for his lieutenant, but it would take nothing short of immortality to stop him from taking that fact to the grave.
The only thing Byakuya cared about, purely and without reservations, was Rukia.
Rukia who, despite his literal years of neglect, still admired, respected and loved him. Rukia who had never once complained, no matter how unfair or unjust the situation had been, who had never made things difficult for him, and who continued to forgive and understand him as he continued to make mistakes while trying to improve their relationship. It had taken a long while for Byakuya to really mean the word sister when he called her such, having spent the first years of their knowing each other under the impression that he had merely granted her the title as per Hisana's last wish. But now that that familial bond felt as real as it had ever been, Byakuya felt like it was wound into a tight coil in his heart, a very raw but pleasant feeling.
He got to the Fourth Division in a whirlwind of reiatsu and impatience. Isane, somewhat familiar with dealing with the Sixth Division captain, quickly impeded his path.
"She'll be fine, Captain Kuchiki," she said without preamble. "Captain Unohana is working on her now, the poison was frozen before it could do any real damage, it is imperative that we do not disturb her or we'll make things far worse than they need to be."
Thankfully, the Sixth Division captain seemed to hear her. He fixed her with his cold grey eyes.
"She was brought here unconscious," he stated, voice calm but tight.
Isane tried to take a page out of her captain's book and resisted shivering. "Yes, but from blood loss. Her wounds have already been healed. Like I said, Captain Unohana is working on her right now and she gave no indication that the situation was dire. If you wait a few moments, I'm sure she'll come out to update you soon."
There was a still moment between them wherein Isane dared not move. Then, without so much as a nod, the captain swept away from her, finding a corner of the waiting room to stand by himself.
This waiting room was rather crowded. There was Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, standing demurely to the side, not in anyone's way. And there was Lieutenant Matsumoto and Captain Hitsugaya. Byakuya wasn't too surprised to see them.
The younger captain was sitting, subjected to the buzzing about of several Fourth Division medics and Isane, who returned to him after dealing with Byakuya. Lieutenant Matsumoto was also hovering over him, looking a little wane and worse for wear.
The captain didn't appear to be too injured but Byakuya was pleased to see that he looked significantly annoyed. As if feeling his eyes on him, the younger captain looked up and Byakuya was uncommonly surprised to see the same fear and anxiousness reflected in the Tenth Division captain's shadowed gaze.
With an irritated wave of his hand, Hitsugaya stood and made his way over to Byakuya. The young man walked a little unsteadily and it took Byakuya a moment to realize why.
"Captain Kuchiki," Hitsugaya's voice barely hid his exhaustion.
"Are you the reason my sister is injured, Captain Hitsugaya," Byakuya asked straightforwardly.
To his credit, Hitsugaya didn't really react to this. He merely nodded. "More or less."
"I do not know the nature of the arrangement that you have with my sister, but if it puts her in danger like this—"
"It doesn't," Hitsugaya scowled, "At least, it wouldn't normally. This was an accident, Captain Kuchiki, one that I am still responsible for regardless. I would never willingly put Rukia in any situation she couldn't handle. And for the record, she still handled the situation beyond my expectations."
Byakuya considered the young man beside him. Off in the distance he was aware of Lieutenant Matsumoto's rather wary gaze as she observed them as she chatted quietly with Isane.
"Be that as it may, Rukia is about to sit the Lieutenant's exam, something I assume you do not need me to inform you of the importance it holds to my sister, and she cannot afford to be compromised—" he gave Hitsugaya a very pointed look, "—or distracted, regardless of your arrangement."
Hitsugaya remained silent for a moment and as Byakuya observed him, he thought he could see the barest droop in his shoulders.
"Rest assured, our arrangement is now over," Hitsugaya guaranteed him, tone calm. "Rukia is free to prepare for the lieutenant's exam as any other candidate would."
"Good. I will have someone collect her belongings from your division."
Hitsugaya's mouth pressed into a thin line but ultimately, he gave his fellow captain a brisk nod and returned to his seat.
Byakuya paid him no more mind, returning his focus to the door behind which Rukia lay, waiting for Unohana to appear and put the rest of his fears to rest.
Rukia was having a bad dream.
She was in Hitsugaya's inner world, surrounded by tall icy mountains. The storm was raging again but this time the ice and sleet pelted at her skin, leaving bruises in their wake. She could barely see and the snow around her feet seemed to be sucking her in. She tried to move forward, looking for the white-haired captain, calling his name until she couldn't even hear her own voice anymore.
Eventually, she could no longer move, and she felt herself sinking to her knees, her body cold and wet, slowly freezing. There was no Hitsugaya or Hyorinmaru here. There was only her, and she had no way of getting out.
Rukia came to slowly, her eyes too tired to even open. Somewhere near her there were people talking in soft murmuring voices.
"—won't wake up in time—"
"—Captain Kuchiki said there's no postponing it—"
"—not according to Captain Hitsugaya—"
"—there's no way Ukitake would let them—"
Those voices were familiar but Rukia couldn't put her finger on who they belonged to before she slipped into unconsciousness again.
The next week passed in a blur for Captain Hitsugaya. First he had to subject himself to tests run by the Fourth and Twelfth Divisions. Then Head Captain Yamamoto promptly scheduled a meeting between him and Kurotsuchi. Then he had to complete all the external duties he had missed while locked away in his division before the captains' meeting to vote on the lieutenant candidates. And, of course, he had to write reports on all of those things.
The captains' meeting came and went, and that blur of a week turned into a blur of a month.
It was funny, the weeks he had spent with Rukia were so vivid in his mind that he could recall every single day as its own individual span of time. The following month without her, he could barely remember a single day. All too soon, the day of the lieutenant's exam was here.
It should be noted, bar when he had first brought her there, that Hitsugaya hadn't gone to see Rukia since she'd been at the Fourth.
At first, he'd just been far too busy. Then he had felt something heavy and uncomfortable settle somewhere in the middle of his chest whenever he thought of her. His suddenly astute zanpakuto spirit had informed him that this feeling was guilt.
Fortunately for him, he still had Matsumoto to update him on her progress, which he didn't even bother to hide from his lieutenant how closely he followed. Rukia had had to be put into an induced coma. Despite this, her situation had been relatively stable. The problem was, Screecher's poison was of the type that there was no antidote for. The only treatment was to let it work its way out of her system, under the influence of kido that sped up the process. To spare Rukia the consequential pain, Unohana had put her into a deep sleep.
She woke up sometime in the afternoon of the day of the captains' meeting, a few hours too late to attend, not that Unohana or Byakuya would have let her, in her condition.
Matsumoto had quickly formed a small party to visit her but Hitsugaya had made up some excuse and refused to tag along. The way his lieutenant had twisted her mouth at this but ultimately left without saying anything felt like another brick had been cemented over his heart.
From then on, Rukia had returned to her division. From what Matsumoto told him, which she had heard from Renji, the girl had thrown herself into her training, desperate to make up for the loss in time and strength her convalescence had caused.
Matsumoto somewhat complained about this, since she, too, had grown close to and fond of the girl, and now Rukia barely left the training grounds and didn't even have the time to come out for a cup of sake with her.
The day of the lieutenant's exam, the other lieutenant's decided to camp out outside the exam room, so they could immediately know who would be joining their ranks. Hitsugaya didn't have the heart to deny Matsumoto going, even if this meant it left him with mountains and mountains of paperwork to get through alone.
So he found himself sitting in his quiet office, itchy, uncomfortable and perhaps maybe the littlest bit anxious, but pretending he was fine, though his eyes looked at the clock hanging on the office wall more than on the pages before him.
At the captains' meeting, some fuss had been made about Rukia not being there in person, mostly by the Eleventh Division candidates. This had been quickly shut down through the combined efforts of him, Byakuya, Ukitake and even Unohana, but Hitsugaya had wondered for a moment if this would affect how the other captains voted for her. It didn't, and Rukia ended up with the most amount of votes of any candidate there, while neither of the Eleventh Division's officers succeeding in receiving enough votes to take the exam. Hitsugaya knew Rukia would have at least three of the seven votes required to continue on: his, Ukitake's and Byakuya's. He suspected Kyoraku would vote for her, and possibly Unohana, but the rest were honestly up in the air. In the end, Rukia ended with ten votes, with not only Kyoraku and Unohana voting for her, but also Hirako, Kensei, Zaraki, Soi-Fong and Kurotsuchi, with Rukia being the only candidate Kurotsuchi voted for, surprisingly.
But while the voting had gone well for Rukia, it had gone poorly for Momo.
The only captains who truly knew how much Momo had recovered was him, Unohana and the Visored captains. She had five guaranteed votes, but the other captains seemed reluctant to give her a second chance. Soi-Fong adamantly refused to vote for her, Kurotsuchi openly admitted that he thought it was beneath him, and Zaraki couldn't recall who Momo even was. In the end, it had been Kyoraku who spoke up on her behalf and, agreeing with him, Ukitake had also voted, giving Momo the bare minimum of votes required.
The whole thing had taken its toll on her already somewhat fragile self-confidence. It had taken no small effort on his, Matsumoto's and her captain's parts to get her back into a frame of mind to actually sit the exam. But while she had been shaken, Hitsugaya had still been satisfied with her condition going into the exam, clocking the renewed determination in her eyes, her improved form and her overall health and mind-set.
He didn't know this of Rukia, and it bothered him.
Rukia had also suffered an unfortunate blow right before the exam, which had been entirely his fault, he knew. He knew all about her determination and goals but he couldn't be sure, despite being cleared by the Fourth, how the incident had affected her. And being too much of a coward in the past month to go look for her, he could only trust that Ukitake and Byakuya had gotten her up to speed once more.
No doubts but lots of worry.
Unable to take the waiting, Hitsugaya kicked away from his desk and thought to make himself some tea. He had already swung open the door to the tea cupboard before he remembered he had been long out of tea. He hadn't been able to buy more while he had been stuck in his office and he had then been too busy afterward. And he had learned the hard way that, while he could trust Matsumoto with his life and most things in it, he could not trust her with running errands that involved money, because she almost always ended up at a bar, clothing shop, or food stall. However, the door opened anyway and contrary to his expectations, his tea cupboard was actually stocked with tea. Not only were there the regular bags of the common cheap blends like he was accustomed with, there were also pretty glass canisters of what was clearly higher-end brands, and the cardboard-made boxes that held those awfully convenient tea bags from the human world.
For a moment, he just stood there and stared at them blankly. Then, the corner of his mouth jerked up a little. That little Shinigami had become insanely good at hiding her reiatsu.
But he (and Hyorinmaru) was a little disappointed to see that, among the boxes from the human world, the cherry blossom one he had been re-gifted from Ukitake was not among them.
Before he could even remember that his original intention was to make tea, he heard his office doors being rattled open.
It was Momo.
She looked exactly like she had just sat a lieutenant's exam and then immediately ran all the way to his office, banged up and dinged a bit, with bits of her loose hair singed off, her shihakusho torn in several places, sweaty and exhausted. But she gave him a brilliant smile.
"Shiro-chan! I passed!"
For the majority of his relationship with Momo, Hitsugaya had felt like he was her bratty younger brother that couldn't really understand his older sister but knew all too well that she was a cry-baby, soft, somewhat precocious but with rose-coloured irises. This had cultivated a rather exasperated, protective instinct in him that had only become more exaggerated when he became a part of the Gotei Thirteen. That feeling would probably never go away, but it was times like this that it lifted a little, and he could appreciate that, despite everything, Momo was a force to be reckoned with, even if the circumstances had to be somehow special.
In the driest voice he could manage, all he said was, "It's Captain Hitsugaya, Lieutenant Hinamori."
"Who cares?" Momo impatiently wiped the spilled hair away from her face, grinning all the while. "I get to be a lieutenant again! I get to be a part of my division again! I can go to those boring lieutenant's meetings I actually missed so much! People won't feel awkward calling me Hinamori-fukutaicho anymore, Shiro-chan."
By the time Momo got to this part, she was crying, clearly overwhelmed by all the emotions she had had to keep buried over the past few months. They were the fat, ugly kind of tears, the kind you had to grind your teeth together while your mouth gaped open and you struggled to force air through your stuffed nose.
Hitsugaya didn't say anything as he walked towards her. He only intended to pat her shoulder a little, since physical contact between them had always only involved casual flicks of the head or good-natured shoving and pushing, or the like. But Momo pressed her face into his shoulder, now that it was at a height she could actually comfortably rest it there, and began to try to get a hold of herself, though it seemed like she wanted to cry for a bit first.
Hitsugaya merely let her, patting her awkwardly on her back, which she was too overwhelmed to notice and subsequently tease him about.
He wasn't sure how long they stood like that but Hitsugaya's haori was well damp by the time he felt Matsumoto's reiatsu approaching. He thought nothing of this until Matsumoto actually stepped into the office and he lifted his head to see that she wasn't alone.
Rukia did not look as bad as Momo did. She, too, wore a torn shihakusho, and had several cuts and bruises herself (it struck Hitsugaya then that they had both skipped the required medical treatment offered immediately after the exam) but had noticeably less than Momo. She also looked tired, the delicate spider-web of veins under her eyes clearly visible, but triumphant, and proud, and beaming.
At least until she stepped out from behind Matsumoto and her eyes found his and he watched the smile, wide, with a pearly white incisor barely visibly pressing into her lower lip, slip off her face.
A completely new kind of panic seared through Hitsugaya then and his first instinct was to, immediately and without hesitation, push Momo away. Thankfully, he had enough control over himself to not do this, and Momo seemed to realize that there were other people in the room and she peeled herself away, turning to look.
"Sorry to interrupt," Matsumoto cleared her throat, for once sounding appropriately awkward. Then she noticed Momo's tear streaked face. "Aww, Momo, are you crying?"
"Sorry, Rangiku, Kuchiki-san," Momo apologized, voice watery. She wiped her cheeks, offering them a smile, and fanned her eyes to stop more tears from falling. "I'm just a little overwhelmed."
The look that had crossed Rukia's face had been mostly shock, but Hitsugaya had watched as she seemed to shake herself, and her expression then fell into something more sympathetic as she looked at the other girl.
"That's understandable, Lieutenant Hinamori," she said kindly. "And congratulations."
"You too, Kuchiki-san," Momo answered warmly, and then gave a wet giggle. "You're one of the few people who never stopped calling me Lieutenant Hinamori. Oh, I'm going to cry again, sorry."
The poor girl buried her face in her hands. Rukia looked a little alarmed, like she didn't know what to do, giving Hitsugaya a somewhat desperate look. He could only look back at her, with no brighter ideas than to offer Momo the other side of his haori to cry on.
Luckily for the both of them, they had the remarkable and affable Rangiku Matsumoto—at least this was what Matsumoto thought upon observing the little exchange between her captain and the little Kuchiki.
The strawberry blonde lieutenant quickly wrapped the weeping girl into a warm embrace and guided her to the sofa to calm her down.
Hitsugaya floated a little over to Rukia.
"I take it this means that you passed?" he asked.
Rukia, who had been watching the Matsumoto-Momo duo with some concern, snapped her attention to him.
If Hitsugaya hadn't been eyeing her so closely, he might have missed the weird way her face contorted for a fraction of a second as her eyes caught his.
"Yes," she said shortly, and then, like it was an afterthought, "I was the first one out."
"Kuchiki-san probably scored the highest of all of us," Momo piped up from the sofa, still a little teary. "I heard the invigilators talking about it."
"I'm sure we all did well," Rukia said modestly. "The scores don't really matter at this point."
"They matter in considerations for captaincy," Hitsugaya told her, "when that time comes around."
"Oh."
There was something definitively nervous and uncertain about Rukia, something Hitsugaya had never seen in her before. Her eyes kept flickering to him and away, and her fingers were hanging onto the sleeves of her shihakusho, the combination of which made him want to take her hands in his and tell her to focus.
Focus on what, he didn't know.
"Well, we're very proud of the both of you," Matsumoto said, squeezing Momo's shoulder but looking over at Rukia. She flashed a bright grin. "I say we celebrate—"
"Of course you do," the captain mumbled.
"—tonight, by that bar on the outskirts of Seireitei. I'll get all the Lieutenants to be there."
"You say that like it hasn't already been planned," Hitsugaya deadpanned, knowing his lieutenant too well.
"Of course, you're invited too, Captain," she batted her long, curled eyelashes at him. "The captains are more than welcome to come." She looked back at Rukia. "Do you think you and Renji can get Captain Kuchiki to come? I've never seen that man drunk. I'm a little curious."
Rukia shook her head. "I'm not sure—"
"C'mon," Matsumoto pouted. "He must be really happy right now, I'm sure you can convince him to—"
"No, I'm not sure I can—well, that too, about my brother—but I don't think I can—"
"You're not going to come, Kuchiki-san?" Momo blinked her eyes at her. Hitsugaya was frowning at her, too.
Rukia looked between the three of them and Hitsugaya could see how her shoulders stiffened, like she was closing in on herself.
"What could you have to do that's so important you can't celebrate passing your lieutenant's exam?" he asked her straightforwardly.
Rukia's wandering eyes finally settled on his. "I had a visit to the human world scheduled for today. Head Captain Yamamoto arranged it so I can leave after the exam."
There was a sudden but absolute silence in the room. This conversation seemed to be happening between just Rukia and Hitsugaya right then, so neither Matsumoto nor Momo dared to say anything. Matsumoto looked between Rukia and her captain, a little sliver of concern in her eyes. Momo, though somewhat confused, could read the room enough to know to stay quiet.
The temperature dropped by a few severe degrees, something Hitsugaya didn't even notice until Rukia flinched away from him.
He reigned his reiatsu in and straightened his shoulders. "I see," he said shortly.
"That's too bad, Rukia," Matsumoto quickly interjected, trying to cheer the atmosphere back up. She nudged Momo.
"Yes!" the girl squeaked. "Really too bad, Kuchiki-san. We'd really miss you."
"Sorry," Rukia hastily apologized. She turned to Hitsugaya and bowed. "I came to tell you I passed and to thank you for all of your help. You said to only thank you after I passed, so—" She looked up at him through her eyelashes and Hitsugaya thought he had never seen her eyes appear so dark before. "Thank you," she said, sincere and effusive, but also somewhat timid.
Rukia straightened. "I should go. I still have to see my captain. Lieutenant Hinamori, congratulations again. Rangiku-san, I hope you have fun." And with that, she left, leaving not even an iota of her reiatsu behind for Hitsugaya to feel comforted by.
"You're Rangiku-san but I'm Lieutenant Hinamori."
"Didn't you just say how happy you were that she called you that?"
"That was then. I'm a little jealous now."
Hitsugaya turned to the two women on his couch. They were conversing with each other, but staring at him.
"You should go to the Fourth and get treated," he said flatly to Momo.
She made a face. "You know I don't like the Fourth," she said, and hurried on before he could insist, "Say, Shiro-chan, should I stop calling you Shiro-chan?"
Hitsugaya, who had begun to make his way back to his desk, stopped and looked at her. "Absolutely," he replied. "Why are you only realizing this now?"
"Being a captain isn't a good enough reason," she said thoughtfully. "But I think having a girlfriend is."
He scowled. "I do not have a—"
They both levelled their gazes at him.
Hitsugaya returned to his desk without another word.
Rukia, on the other hand, was immediately forced into going to the Fourth Division the minute her captain and her brother laid eyes on her. Truthfully, her condition wasn't too bad, but with her recent poisoning and the fact that she had had to throw herself immediately into rigorous training afterward, Ukitake and Byakuya didn't want to take too many chances.
It was as she sat in Unohana's examination room that she caught her breath for the first time.
She had known that Hitsugaya had won his match. She had stayed conscious long enough to see the captain's incredible revival and witness Hitsugaya #2 sink into the ice. She couldn't remember anything after that.
When she had woken up in the Fourth, she had been told, roughly, what had happened, with the poisoning and her coma and so on. But she still hadn't known what had happened between her and Hitsugaya. Apparently, there had been a meeting with Captain Kurotsuchi and the Head Captain, but she had missed that. In the few days she had spent recovering at the Fourth after waking up, while she had had a revolving door of visitors, she had waited for Captain Hitsugaya to come and see her.
That had not happened.
Matsumoto had told her that he was just too busy catching up with work he hadn't been able to do over the past few weeks and while Rukia understood this, she couldn't help but be upset by it.
Rukia waited for him to come, even if only to explain to her what had happened. Eventually, it was Captain Ukitake who told her about the suppressor, having received her copy of the official report while she'd been unconscious, and how it had been engineered by Kurotsuchi to be less sensitive to reiatsu, so it could be used for all levels and types, and it apparently couldn't tell the difference between hers and Captain Hitsugaya's and had somehow blended them together. Rukia was relieved that it wasn't something more serious, but she would have liked to hear all of this from Captain Hitsugaya himself. After all they had been through, it only seemed right.
After spending every day of several weeks in his company, Rukia greatly missed him. She missed hearing the scratch of his pen on paper as it lulled her to sleep in the early morning, missed the way he sighed irritably when he came across some mistake his subordinate had made in a report, missed the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. She missed their training together, his sharp but patient tongue, the way his eyes never left her when she was on the training grounds.
Unfortunately, even if Rukia wanted to go see the captain herself, she couldn't. There just wasn't any time. Her body had taken a beating by the poison and it was all she could do in the month that she had remaining to get back in shape before the exam. She ate, slept and breathed her training. It wasn't easy, or painless, or particularly pleasant, but at the end of it all, she had felt more assured of herself than ever when facing the exam.
At least it had all paid off.
Rukia had been the first to leave the room, only to be immediately engulfed by the small army of waiting lieutenants. They weren't all present, of course, but Renji had been there, and so had Matsumoto, who had squealed loudly right next to Rukia's ear when she had smilingly nodded to their most pressing question. Renji had all but thrown her up into the air, setting off a fierce battle between the lieutenants over seizing her like she was some kind of doll to give their congratulations.
During this spectacle, she had barely noticed Hinamori's presence as she exited the room, nor how that presence quickly dashed away.
After she had extricated herself from the mob, she had three options: follow Isane to the medical tent to be treated, follow Renji to Ukitake's office where Byakuya was also waiting, or follow Matsumoto to Hitsugaya's office.
Rukia wanted to give the decision its due thought, but her heart made its choice before her head could.
Renji had looked a little shocked, but Matsumoto had quickly whispered something into his ear that Rukia hadn't heard and promptly tugged her away.
Hitsugaya's office had become as familiar as her own home in the time she had spent there but as they had approached it, Rukia had been gripped with an uncertainty and nervousness she hadn't even felt at the exam she had just taken.
Like she normally did, Matsumoto had unceremoniously thrown the door open, ready to besiege her captain with her joyously exuberant sing-song voice, but she had suddenly stopped. Curious, Rukia had ducked out from behind the woman to see.
It was hard to describe the feelings she had experienced in that moment. Rukia was a highly rational person, and her brain was able to quickly figure out that Momo was crying, and Hitsugaya was comforting her. Her brain also helpfully supplied that she knew the two had grown up together, that Hitsugaya was among Momo's greatest supporters, and a great many other things she had heard about the two from Renji and Matsumoto here and there.
But her heart—oh, her heart.
It felt like it had shrivelled up and dropped right out of her chest. Rukia had taken many hits and falls in her Shinigami career, and one that had always stuck with her was when she had fallen hard on her front, sending a shockwave of pain through her chest that reverberated in her breastbone. It felt like that.
Not only that, Hitsugaya was different. Rukia knew this because she had to tilt her head back a bit to meet his eyes. He was taller, with broader shoulders and a face that had lost some of its roundness. And he was practically brimming with power, especially in the way his eyes seemed to sharpen as he stared at her.
For a moment, Rukia wondered if this change had come about in the month she hadn't seen him. But she realized quickly that this had to have been because he had won the fight in his inner world against himself, unlocking some newfound power that had somehow aged him up a bit.
She was struck anew by how good he looked (Rukia couldn't quite bring herself to use the word handsome right then), a thought that was not kind to her already shaken soul.
But then she had felt Matsumoto's fingers lightly press into the small of her back. Rukia had never felt as grateful for a person quite like she did in that moment, and that little touch had grounded her, sucking most (though not all) of the pain away. She shook herself and was able to give Momo a kind smile.
Unohana walked back into the examination room, pulling Rukia back into the present. The kindly captain smiled at her.
"Well, Kuchiki-san, you're all set to go. I have a form here to sign you off for your trip to the human world. I can sign it for you, but in my professional opinion, I would highly recommend that you do not go. Based on your most recent medical history, I don't feel assured approving this trip for you."
Rukia, who had been swinging her legs below the examination table, hands gripping the edge, looked up a little blankly.
"But I feel fine?"
"Do you?" The captain went on smiling. "I'm afraid the poisoning and training, in addition to such a strenuous exam, has taken its toll on your body. You do not require hospitalization, but I strongly recommend some rest and recovery for at least two weeks. That sounds reasonable, don't you think?"
When Captain Unohana smiled, it was hard to see the woman's eyes, but Rukia didn't need to see to feel their effects. She gulped and quickly nodded her head.
"Excellent. I will see you in two weeks' time for a check-up. I hope I don't see you before then, Kuchiki-san."
At this clear dismissal, Rukia hopped off the table and skirted around the still-smiling captain to the door, thinking Byakuya and Kenpachi had nothing on this woman when it came to fearsomeness. Hell, even the Head Captain had to be more outright intimidating to achieve the same effect she could manage with just a smile.
Rukia decided to go to the bar after all. What the heck, she had just passed the lieutenant's exam, not to mention survived poisoning and her lieutenant's training. Now that she'd had a few hours for it to sink in, she had become giddy with happiness and relief.
And Renji wouldn't let her miss it, practically dragging her out of her captain's office, where he'd been telling her stories about when he had trained under the head captain. Intrigued, Ukitake had taken it upon himself to go as well, setting off to make sure his good friend Kyoraku was also well-informed.
However, despite Matsumoto's confidence, she and Renji could not convince Byakuya to join them.
He dismissed Rukia with a wave of his hand and a somewhat exasperated but well-meant Enjoy yourself.
"What about me, Captain Kuchiki?" Renji bravely asked.
Byakuya, who was sipping tea elegantly and pursuing something that looked suspiciously like an S.W.A. magazine, didn't even look up.
"Do restrain yourself tonight, Renji," he said, "The recruitment forms and maintenance reports will be waiting for you tomorrow morning."
"I did the maintenance reports yesterday," Renji protested.
"Yes, but your penmanship was worse than atrocious. I expect them to be redone before noon tomorrow."
"But—"
"And the budget presentation needs to be revised, as well."
"Can't that wait until—ow! Bloody hell—"
Renji doubled over to grasp the spot on his shin where Rukia had just kicked him.
"Do you not want to be able to drink at all?" she hissed at him before turning back to her brother, who was pretending he hadn't seen anything at all. "Thank you, Nii-sama. We'll take our leave now."
"Your brother is a tyrant," Renji complained, but only when they were well away from the Sixth Division barracks, and even then he looked warily over his shoulder as he did, as if his captain would materialize out of thin air.
"You baboon," Rukia scolded with a roll of her eyes. "That was his way of telling you to have a good time."
Renji looked at her dumbly. "Did we hear different conversations back there?"
Rukia made a sound that was a mix between a scoff and a short laugh. She shook her head in exaggerated disappointment. "So long you've been working with Nii-sama, yet you still can't pick up on these things."
Renji knocked his fist harmlessly on the back of her head. "Oh, and you're the expert now?"
"I am," she said proudly. "But I also happen to be about ten times smarter than you."
"If you're so smart, then explain this thing between you and Captain Hitsugaya."
Rukia tripped a little and Renji caught her by the arm, raising an eyebrow and stopping them in the middle of the street.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she hedged.
"Doesn't sound like something a smart person would say," he commented drily, setting her back securely on her feet. "What was with running off to find him first thing after your exam?"
"I wanted to thank him," she said. "And I didn't run off."
"That's not what it looked like to me," Renji folded his arms. "Rangiku told me to just let you go, that she would explain, but only when the time was right. She didn't want to jinx it, whatever that means."
Rukia frowned, wondering why Lieutenant Matsumoto seemed to know things she didn't.
"Captain Kuchiki also made some cryptic remarks while you were staying at the Tenth," Renji went on. "And what was up with that too, by the way? I was waiting until after the exam to ask you. And apparently, Captain Hitsugaya calls you by your given name now?"
"What?" Rukia's frown lightened in surprise and then deepened once more. "No, he doesn't."
"Yes, he does," Renji insisted. "Captain was complaining about it."
Rukia was suddenly returned to that moment she had last appeared on the top of that snowy hill, when Captain Hitsugaya had looked up at her with unconcealed relief. He had called her Rukia then, and she hadn't even really noticed. How easily it had rolled off his tongue, she realized.
"You're blushing," Renji noted.
And that Rukia couldn't deny. She could feel the warmth in her cheeks and the tips of her ears.
"You like him, don't you?" Renji asked, voice oddly quiet. It was a question but the firmness of his tone made it clear he was already convinced.
Rukia's wide eyes looked up at him. Her mouth formed the word No, but, strangely, it didn't come out. This was because, for once, her head and heart seemed to be in complete agreement, and now that Renji had said the words, Rukia found that they precisely described all the feelings she had been having about the Tenth Division captain for a while now.
"I can't like him," she blurted, surprising herself and Renji.
"But you do," he pointed out.
"I can't," she insisted. "He's a captain and I'm just a—"
"Lieutenant," Renji interrupted her, "And, give it ten years or so, probably a captain, too."
"It's not just that. I'm a Kuchiki, and, and—"
"Being a Kuchiki didn't stop your brother from marrying your sister," said Renji plainly. "And if you can't even articulate your reasons, then they probably aren't very good to begin with."
Rukia paused, eyeing him. "Where did you learn the word articulate?"
"It's what Captain is always telling me to be in my reports—and don't try to change the subject."
"I can't like him," Rukia said again, folding her hands and resuming walking. Renji quickly caught up with her.
"But you do."
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it does! What are you going to do about it?"
"Why do I have to do something about it?"
"Because, because—"
Renji stopped walking. Curious, Rukia looked back at him, just in time to see a rather pained expression flitter across his face.
"Because then you'll spend the rest of your life pining after someone who doesn't even know how you feel," he finished, all in one breath.
Surprised, Rukia considered him carefully for a moment. "You're being dramatic," she said, trying to make her voice sound assured.
Renji grimaced.
"Don't tell me you're speaking from experience," she said, equal parts amused, sympathetic, and somewhat horrified.
"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you and your crush on Captain Hitsugaya," he huffed.
"Who is it? Have I met them? It's not Rangiku is it? It's not Nii-sama is it—?"
Renji slapped a hand over her mouth, frantically looking around.
"You can't say stuff like that!" he hissed and, noticing the way her eyes lit up in glee, quickly added, "No, it isn't—look, it isn't someone you've ever met, okay?"
Renji's face was openly desperate, and his eyes plainly begged her to stop asking. Rukia stuck her tongue out and licked him. Disgusted, he immediately pulled his hand away from her face.
"I won't bother you about it if you don't bother me about this," she offered.
"About your crush on Captain Hitsugaya?"
"And your crush on my Nii-sama."
"I told you, it's not—" Renji ran a hand down his face. "Fine!" he gave in. "Have it your way."
That's what he said but Rukia knew her friend well enough to know the look in his eyes meant this wasn't the end of it.
The party was well underway by the time Rukia and Renji got there. It seemed like most of the lieutenants were there, including Momo and Kuna, the latter of whom had also successfully passed the lieutenant's exam earlier that day. From the looks of it, most of them were already on their way to becoming drunk. There were several captains there as well, including Kenpachi (who Rukia didn't think could get drunk), and Kyoraku, who was about as sober as Rukia was used to seeing him, probably because, since Ukitake couldn't drink, the white-haired captain kept sliding over all the shots of sake he was being offered to his friend.
There were some seated officers there, too, mostly the usual suspects, like Ikkaku and Yumichika, and, surprisingly, Hanataro.
"Rukia, you made it!" Matsumoto zeroed in on her immediately, subjecting Rukia to an engulfing hug. "What about your trip?"
"I decided not to go," Rukia said into her bosom, "Wouldn't have been good, you know, for my health."
Matsumoto released her. "That's too bad," she said, looking like she wasn't sorry about it at all. "But that means we get to have you for the night!"
Rukia was immediately swept away by the very tipsy Matsumoto, who sat her amidst the other female lieutenants, who seemed to have created a temporary clique, occupying a table to themselves. Truthfully, Rukia was a little nervous around the strawberry blonde, since she couldn't figure out whether the perceptive lieutenant had managed to pick up on her feelings for her captain before Rukia had even become aware of them herself.
This seemed to be the farthest thing from Matsumoto's mind, fortunately, and Rukia managed to relax a little. Unfortunately, Rukia quickly realized that, between the times she had last seen them and right then, Matsumoto and Momo had dressed themselves up in pretty yukatas and make-up, and honestly, Rukia felt a little left out, since she had only bothered to replace her torn shihakusho. Though they weren't the only ones who had taken the time to change out of their uniforms, there were still many who hadn't, so Rukia didn't stand out too much. This made her somewhat relieved that Hitsugaya wasn't among the captains present, even if she had initially felt disappointment when she had first arrived and her eyes couldn't find his frosty white hair.
Perhaps she thought this too soon, for right then the Tenth Division captain walked through the door.
Rukia, who happened to be sitting with a pristine view of the doorway, couldn't help choking on the sake she was drinking. Thankfully, Matsumoto didn't appear to notice this. But, unbeknownst to Rukia, Momo did.
"Shiro-chan!" she called out to him, causing Rukia to flinch.
The captain frowned at the address—how did he manage to look attractive even when doing that?—but obligingly made his way over to them.
"It's Captain Hitsugaya," he said when he was close enough for them to hear, clearly exasperated.
The young captain's gaze easily found Rukia's, and he raised an eyebrow in question. Rukia could only shrug, lifting one shoulder delicately and managing to meet his eyes calmly, even if her hastily pounding heart was making its protest at this known.
Momo, quite tipsy herself, scooted aside and patted the seat next to her, which also happened to be the seat next to Rukia, too. Rukia completely froze, eyes shifting away to look casually at a point somewhere over Hitsugaya's right shoulder, but watching him carefully in her peripheral.
The universe seemed to be on her side for once and the captain, throwing a pointed look around the table that was filled with women only, ignored the invitation, opting to sit at the table next to them with Ukitake and Kyoraku.
From that point on, Rukia could not follow the conversation around her if her life depended on it. It was through sheer luck alone that she managed to answer the few questions or comments directed at her in a way that made sense. It was a good thing there was an abundance of alcohol around because she didn't think her absentmindedness would fly if the women around her were sober. Rukia only managed to avoid drinking too heavily, what with having both her own and Renji's secret to keep safe now, by making it known Unohana would disapprove after her earlier assessment of Rukia's health, which had been supported by Isane.
"Hey," Momo leaned into her. "You and Abarai-kun—no, no, no, it's Renji…or is it Abarai? No, it's Renji, I'm pretty sure. That guy over there," Momo pointed in Renji's vague direction but managed to miss the man by a good foot or two. "Is there a thing…y'know, a boy-girl thing—what's the word? Friends? No, but that sounds like it…the boy-girl thing, the boy-girl friend—is that you? Is he your boy-girl friend?"
Rukia, who had been carefully following the girl's broken description, snorted delicately into her watered-down sake, her gaze flickering from where they had been for most of the night to where Renji was leaning against the bar counter, carrying on an incomprehensible conversation with Yumichika that seemed to be about the aesthetics of blood splatter.
"Renji is my friend," Rukia told her and, sensing the way the girl seemed to tense against her shoulder, clearly not able to understand the word friend in its original meaning, added, "Not my boyfriend—or girlfriend, I think. Just friend, pals, buddies, like that."
"Oh," Momo relaxed against her again, "That's good."
"Good?" Rukia questioned.
Momo waved her hand vaguely before her. "Very good. I'm also not Shiro-chan's boy-girl friend. We, too, are pals. Just thought you might want to know."
Now it was Rukia's turn to stiffen, since she had been wondering that very thing since she'd been to Hitsugaya's office that day. Momo didn't appear to notice, rousing herself from her slump against Rukia, attention stolen by an argument between Matsumoto and Yachiru about who a very specific cup of sake belonged to.
Rukia's gaze slid back to Hitsugaya, whose new appearance she still wasn't quite used to but which she was taking every opportunity to familiarize herself with. The young captain had spent the night making sure Ukitake didn't consume any alcohol while also making sure Kyoraku didn't consume too much alcohol. He did this by drinking quite a bit of the sake on their table.
Despite this, Hitsugaya didn't appear to be drunk, as far as Rukia could tell. But he certainly seemed more relaxed, reminding her of how he became when they would sit in his office on slow mornings and talk about whatever was on her mind that day. It had been a long time since she had seen this side of him and Rukia missed it—she missed having access to it, and she missed being the cause of it.
As she watched, a drunken Kyoraku leaned across the table to snatch at a cup of sake that was nowhere in his vicinity. Hitsugaya quickly moved it, but instead of relocating it well out of the other captain's reach or swallowing it himself, he merely nudged it away a little. Kyoraku's hand followed and Hitsugaya pushed it a few more inches out of reach. This went on for a bit, greatly amusing the observing Ukitake. Kyoraku seemed to be taking it in good faith but he seemed not to get the point, continually reaching for it, even though someone had already presented him a fresh glass. But no matter how hard he tried, or how sneaky he thought he was, Captain Hitsugaya was just too fast, and as the older captain's attempts became more desperate and excessive, a small smile made its way onto Hitsugaya's face. It was the kind of smile you just made without trying or even being aware, and it was full of laughter and mischief.
Rukia, who had been watching this little melodrama play out with a small smile of her own, had a strange thought right then.
What if that belonged to her?
Rukia had never had the notion of owning something like someone else's smile before but that's exactly what she wanted. It was an oddly sobering thought.
Around this time, most of the room had already devolved. Isane, Nanao and Nemu were currently seeing to the more drunk lieutenants, attempting to gently urge them on their feet to leave. Matsumoto was highly reluctant to being persuaded and she clung onto Momo, loudly sobbing about how she was being bullied because Nanao wouldn't let her open another bottle of sake.
Rukia managed to pass Isane's sobriety check, even if she felt a little light headed, and she was deemed sober enough to see herself home.
Renji was in the midst of drunkenly comparing the colour of his hair to the red markings at the corners of Ikkaku's eyes, not at all seeming like he had any intention of leaving soon. So Rukia slipped out of the bar alone.
She made it out of the lively night district before she realized she was being followed. Somewhere in the vicinity of the Third Division, she stopped. She was standing on the stone walkway between two buildings. The area was dimly lit by a few streetlamps and the moon overhead. Rukia stared pointedly at the roof of the building to her right. After a beat, a shadowed figure leapt down into the street with her.
"You're not very good at hiding your reiatsu, Captain Hitsugaya," she observed.
"I wasn't trying to hide," the white-haired captain replied. His haori and hair glowed faintly but his face was shaded.
"You just prowl around on rooftops at night for fun?"
"Occasionally," he said lightly and stepped closer.
Rukia stepped back but ended up stumbling a bit. Maybe she was more drunk than she had thought.
Hitsugaya's hands immediately reached for her but she hastily waved him off, retreating even more. "I'm fine, fine."
"Are you drunk?" he asked, concerned.
"No," she insisted. "I'm a little…dizzy." It was chilly out, especially with the strongest ice-snow type zanpakuto wielder standing so close, but Rukia's neck felt really warm and itchy. Her face did, too, and she was horrified to think she was blushing right then. She resisted the urge to pat her face and hoped it was too dark for the captain to see her clearly. To be safe, she took another step back.
"You drank quite a lot," he mused, with a flavour of disapproval.
"It was watered down—wait, how do you know that?"
"I noticed," he said simply. "I'm surprised you didn't realize, what with how much you were staring at me."
Rukia felt her stomach drop out of her, but now that she thought about it, she hadn't really thought to be particularly stealthy about it. She just assumed Hitsugaya was too preoccupied with his own table to pay attention to her.
She was definitely blushing now, she didn't need to feel her face to know that.
"Maybe I am drunk," she murmured, and turned on her heel and walked off.
Horrifically, the captain fell into step beside her.
"It's rude to walk away from a captain without being dismissed," he drawled.
"Sorry, what? I'm too drunk to understand you," Rukia told him plainly and flash stepped off. Unfortunately, although she had gotten faster and better at flash step, she still wasn't quite up to par with a captain, and Hitsugaya gave chase easily, seemingly content to just follow after her. She thought with dismay that all the alcohol she had seen him consume didn't seem to have had an effect on him at all.
Rukia's foot missed a tile on a rooftop and she pitched forward. Of course, she was quickly caught, Hitsugaya's fingers curiously catching onto her hand and pulling her back. The hand wasn't a good place to catch someone who was falling over—the forces at play made this a very poor arrangement, so when he tugged her, her shoulder hit his chest, pushing him back a bit and forcing his other hand to come up and wrap around her. All in all, they became an awkward tangle of limbs, standing on some Third Division building in the dead of the night.
Rukia forgot how to breathe.
Behind her, Hitsugaya sighed and set about retrieving his arms, making sure he didn't jostle her over the ledge of the roof.
"You actually ran away," he said, voice equal parts amused and exasperated. "You were doing it before, too."
Rukia wanted to put some space between them even then, but the way they were standing kept her at the very edge of the roof. She could shunpo away but that would just prove that she was running away, which she had been, but she didn't want to admit that.
"Look, Rukia," Captain Hitsugaya ran a hand through his hair, and his tone of voice made her turn around. The captain was wearing an expression she had never seen on him before: contrite, pained, and a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry."
He said this while watching her face, clearly gauging her reaction with wariness. Unfortunately, Rukia only had confusion to give him.
"You are? What are you sorry for?"
"Putting you in danger? Potentially impairing your ability to pass your lieutenant's exam? Dragging you into my whole inner world thing to begin with? Not coming to see you while you were at the Fourth? All of it?"
Although Hitsugaya had recently grown up significantly, literally, how he was right then made him seem very young and almost boyish. He was relaying his perceived faults against her with noticeable guilt and a kind of hope that he wouldn't be punished for them but completely expecting to be anyway.
Rukia found herself endeared, and at the same time felt herself sinking deeper into a hole in her heart that seemed to have his name on it. How long that hole had lived there, she didn't know, but it looked awfully comfortable.
"That's—" she cleared her throat, "You don't have to apologize for those things. They weren't your fault, I never blamed you. Except for that last one, but Lieutenant Matsumoto explained it and I understand, so it's okay."
He seemed genuinely surprised to have been let off so easily, his eyes studying her face. Rukia looked away. What she said was true, she had walked into all those things of her own free will. Just because Hitsugaya had been involved didn't mean that he was to blame for them. His not coming to see her while she recovered and even while she trained afterward did hurt, more than she wanted to admit, but it was funny, when you liked someone, how easily you forgave them, even without conscious thought.
"Then," the captain said, the unwavering tenor of his voice drawing Rukia's attention back, "why were you running away?"
His steely eyes plainly told her he would accept nothing but the real answer, and Rukia realized she might have fallen into some sort of trap.
She opened her mouth but then closed it without saying anything. Renji's voice wafted into her mind.
Because then you'll spend the rest of your life pining after someone who doesn't even know how you feel.
She didn't know who Renji was pining after and she didn't know what he had suffered. But she did know her brother was still pining after her sister, that he had for a while, and that he would continue to do so for the foreseeable future. It was possible that Byakuya would, someday, eventually move on, but Rukia knew in the depths of her soul that it wouldn't happen. It was hard to perceive suffering in the Sixth Division captain but she knew better than most that there was pain and hurt in her brother's heart. Rukia realized then that the rest of her life might be a very, very long time.
"I don't want to pine for the rest of my life," she blurted. Yes, she was far more drunk than she had thought. It was just her luck that inebriation made her brain-to-mouth filter malfunction but did nothing to slur her words into incomprehensible gibberish. She heard herself as clear as day.
Hitsugaya looked taken aback for a moment before he frowned. "You ran away from me because you didn't want to pine for the rest of your life?" he asked, clearly not understanding.
Rukia shook her head. She couldn't know how she looked to Captain Hitsugaya right then but I will tell you. Her face was an odd mixture of pallor and bright pink, her large eyes very wide and round in her thin face, giving the impression of a somewhat scared and anxious child. She was biting her lip, a thing Hitsugaya found unreasonably distracting, and it was clear to the captain that there was some kind of intense internal debate going on in her little head. Rukia had never struck him as an overthinker; she was always very straightforward and decisive, and she had the intelligence to manage being so without bringing about any harm. He had always found her preciseness and practicality refreshing, and had never seen her as excessively emotional as she was right then. It made him very curious.
"Rukia—"
"I think…I like you."
The thing was, Rukia had made the conscious decision to say it, so she really shouldn't be feeling as panicked and regretful as she did immediately afterward.
She couldn't quite look at him right then so she looked at a spot off into the distance and didn't see his expression. I'll tell you anyway: Hitsugaya didn't immediately process her words because he just had not been expecting it. When he did, his brain helpfully recalled all the little reactions, mannerisms and behaviour that he hadn't thought much of before that suddenly seemed to illustrate her statement. It seemed a little obvious now. His brow relaxed, his surprise quickly fading away. He found himself pleased, flattered, a little relieved, and wholly curious, and this showed on his face.
"You think?"
Rukia seemed startled at his normality, but it brought her eyes back to him, which was what he wanted.
"I'm pretty sure," she mumbled. "I haven't really processed it myself yet."
"So you ran away because you like me?" he asked, unable to help the teasing lilt to his voice. That was incredibly adorable.
"Well, wouldn't you?" she said, somewhat defensively.
"No, Rukia, I wouldn't."
"Oh."
Rukia was at a loss as to what to do now. If she had actually thought this out, she might have had a plan for this part, this somewhat awkward silence between them. She didn't, and the longer Hitsugaya remained quiet, just observing her, seeming to be thinking about something himself, the more she wanted to run. She knew that she was due to receive a rejection or, unlikely, some kind of reciprocity, and as the seconds ticked by, a little voice told her that if he felt the same he would have said so by now. Only a rejection, probably worded to be as gentle as possible and to leave her some dignity, required this much thought.
"I have to go," she said, striving to make her voice as calm and even as she could manage—hard, given the circumstances, but our Rukia was very practiced at hiding her feelings under a layer of indifference. "I would appreciate if you didn't follow me this time, Captain Hitsugaya. It's been a long day and I'd like to go home."
He was still regarding her with unreadable eyes but looked a little surprised at her abrupt change in demeanour and request. He looked like he wanted to say something but Rukia wasn't meeting his eyes, head bowed respectfully.
"As you wish."
And she was gone before the words had fully left his tongue, leaving him alone on the rooftop, the first rays of sunrise emerging behind him, with a lot to think about.