Summary: Happy December! So..I was originally going to post this as one really large chapter, but after reading through it, it was wayyy to long. So it has been broken down into sizable chunks!
Exploration time! Ratchet and Madi have a little one-on-one inside her head. Enjoy!
"Where are we?"
Just as the door shut behind them, an empty hallway greeted the pair. It was brightly lit with white lights trailing along the edges of the ceiling, illuminating the space with a bluish-white hue. The outline stretched as far as the eye could see before curving into a turn at the end. Whether it led to a continuation or perhaps a stop they weren't sure, but the two would find out soon enough.
Slowly, Madi's legs began to move on its own accord as she took in the unfamiliar setting. The alienness of it place made her insides churn with each step she took. Not even the strangeness of the medbay's slithering pipelines and otherly layout made her feel so displaced. She couldn't remember a time in her life where she was anywhere in or near a place so barren or overly polished. The harsh white walls started to remind her too much of…well, she didn't even want to go there. When her battered boots emitted a squeak against the gleaming floor did she fluster, ears reddening at the sudden spike of inferiority. Feeling like a stranger inside ones own head was currently not a pleasant experience. If this was a sick joke or an extremely odd dream—perhaps she was sleeping on her right side for too long—she'd rather be awake.
Beside her Ratchet snorted, obviously amused. "If this was a simulation or a dream, I have to agree with your subconscious. I think you would have picked a more interesting location."
Her eyes widened, surprised at his knowledge of her subconscious' verbal exchange. "How—!"
"My protocols have locked into place. I can experience what you are seeing, hearing, thinking. I have to admit your egress is impressive, but you lack the proper knowledge of how to firewall."
Madi gave him an inquisitive look. "What's a firewall?"
"It will be a necessity for you to learn if you are to live amongst us."
Ratchet watched her face grow serious with intent and the apt curiosity rise through their bond space. He shivered at the intense urge and thirst for knowledge.
"I see. Then I'll be sure to learn it well", she stated matter-of-factly. Ratchet nodded in acknowledgement, internally sighing. He wished certain Cybertronians would carry half the same attitude half the time.
Giving the empty expanse a once-over, he casually commented, "This is exactly where I was before I found you."
Her curiosity spiked again, this time coupled with the unsettlement that swirled around moments ago. "Before or after we separated?"
Ratchet allowed himself a moment to think before answering back. "Both, to be precise."
His words caused her thoughts to drifted back to the shack. Her eyes widened, remembering the sketch book. There were images she drew in it back on Sanctum when they came and went in the forefront of her mind. If she was being honest with herself, most of the time she had no idea what she was drawing or what the pictures even were or meant. But for some reason she felt that they were important, hence her newfound hobby. Maybe there was something in there they could use.
Madi whipped herself around, intent on going back to grab it, and readied herself to sprint. However, her legs skidded to a halt when a continuous, empty hallway stared back. It was an exact carbon copy of the one behind them. The lights along the ceiling line just curved the other way. The door they just came through was nowhere to be seen.
"What the—!?" Madi exclaimed in alarm. "It's gone!"
A few feet away, Ratchet had followed her line of sight. His eyes narrowed at the sudden change in scenery. The same thing had occurred when they had been forcibly separated earlier from one other. Taking it as a sign to move on, he beckoned her onward, "Come! There's no sense in dwelling on it any further than necessary."
The command snapped Madi out of her newfound quandary. Her body turned to comply with the medic's direct order, but not before she burned the occurrence in her memories. She sighed nervously though her nose. Guess there was no going back now.
The pair took center point as they followed the curved expanse. The ceiling easily stood twice Ratchet's height and was wide enough for another person to flank the pair on either side. As they trekked forward, a comfortable silence settled between them. However, Madi's mind was anything but. The knowledge of not knowing what awaited further beyond the bend caused her what-ifs to maximize on overdrive. Distracted by her overly fluctuating thoughts, she missed the medic's eye twitch.
As the minutes ticked on, the frenzy inside her head began to settle before morphing into growing frustration. They had walked for what felt like the longest twenty minutes of her life and not one scenery change whatsoever. Had they been walking in circles this entire time? With pursed lips, Madi wondered if her mind was playing tricks on her again.
Ratchet made a sound of agreement. "That too had been my initial thought process. Yet based on my observations and our most recent experience, I don't believe that to be the case.
If he was implying something else was at play here, she didn't necessarily disagree with him on that portion. She trailed back to a recurring query, and more than once since the start of their journey, wondered if her spark had anything to do with this.
She suddenly recalled the question she wanted to ask Ratchet from earlier.
"You said that you had done this once before, right?"
There was a moment of silence before he grunted a response, but said nothing else further on the subject. Instantly she felt a push against her being, like an invisible block. It was cold and solid and shoved itself right into the formerly quaint atmosphere, as if it was trying to create as much distance as possible. She felt very uncomfortable. Then it hit her like a train at full speed.
Madi quickly receded away from it, shutting her mind up. She remained silent, not daring to look at Ratchet's direction. Guilt started pooling heavily inside her stomach. Good going, Madi, she berated herself. First she kicked him out and trapped him inside this never ending hallway, and now she's gone and offended him. Or worse, pissed him off and she hasn't even passed this goddamn test yet. At this point, she would consider herself lucky if she didn't suffer any complications while they were both still inside her head. And if she got to keep her life after this…well, that would be a treat.
Out of nowhere the feeling of remorse suddenly burst from inside her, quickly spreading like wildfire. Madi shivered at the unfamiliar feeling, yet it felt so natural. It travelled throughout her entire being, to the edges of her fingertips and toes, enveloping her in a tight embrace. It was warm, sympathetic and apologetic all at the same time.
"My apologies, Madi. I did not mean to be so affronted. It is simply a sore subject, that is all." Peering to her side, the brunette didn't miss the contrition in his voice, despite his otherwise cool composure. She knew well from experience that once marked with phantom scars, even the strongest people can never escape them.
Deciding to drop the subject all together, her mind wandered until it stumbled upon the familiar face of Dr. Eric Jackson. He served as Wonkru's primary doctor before taking on the role for Sanctum too after the death of their chief medical officer who had been Madi's adoptive grandmother. Through therapy sessions, he helped her cope with her newfound life and with the loss of the Flame. She smiled softly, clearly remembering the sincerity in his voice when he said she needed to cut herself some slack. The Flame was extinguished, but her people were not-they were alive and their beliefs still strong. He pointed out with unspoken words that that had to have been enough. Madi had been grateful for his constant pushes and soon enough life started to become a bit more bearable, better even as she started feeling a sense of normalcy. Maybe they could both use a Dr. Jackson right now.
"That's very kind of you," Ratchet supplied appreciatively, "However it would be more efficient right now to take care of you first."
Madi's breath hitched. She forgot he could read her thoughts. It was an awkward feeling and was definitely going to take some time getting used to.
"But wouldn't it be harder for you if it's something you're still struggle with?"
He scoffed. "Believe me child, I've lived long enough to know what needs to be done."
She decided not to question the medic and relented. "Okay. If you say so…"
Madi slouched forward as she receded back into herself. Out of the blue, there was a tug in her mind causing her to look up and meet Ratchet, who stopped and turned to address her with an earnest expression.
"Now listen closely and listen well. Questions are necessary for continued growth. Do not stop asking them. I will not be offended by your desire to learn. However, it will be my prerogative on what I deem appropriate to answer and when. Are we clear?"
Madi's mood quickly brightened and she nodded fervently. "Yes, sir."
She had been afraid to ask anything else of him. Thank goodness for the Creator Bond, she guessed.
"I'm glad we've come to a mutual understanding." Then he added, "And as long as you don't become a pain in the aft, you will learn well."
"Aft?" She titled her head to the side. "What's—oh…um, I—never mind." Her face heated up when the meaning finally came to her. "Forget it. I got it."
The medic threw her a quizzical look. "Has this been happening since you awakened?"
It took a second for Madi to recover before she rifled through the events of the past few days. "Sometimes, but I didn't really think much on it. I mean, if I listen to something I don't understand, my mind will then kinda translate it for me. And then I get it. Did that, um, make any sense?"
Ratchet hummed, gears turning as he processed the information. "Interesting. Have you experienced anything else?"
She shook her head. "No, not yet, I suppose. But I'll keep you posted if I do. Although", she blushed, "You'll probably know anyways, right?"
Ratchet didn't outright answer her, but the instant swell of acknowledgement was all she needed to know.
Madi remained quiet, attempting to organize her thoughts silently when they resumed walking. "Ratchet?"
"Yes, little one?"
"When you apologized to me before…that feeling…it felt like a mini explosion here." She placed a hand on her chest. "Is that normal?"
Ratchet nodded. "It is. And it will become second nature as you continue to practice."
"You seem to have a lot of faith that I'll pass this test."
He proffered a raised eyebrow. "I never implied otherwise."
She rifled through her list of questions again. "So you can hear and experience what I think and do. Can I do the same through you? Does it go both ways?"
"The creator and the sparkling can share impulses with one another, however I am able to create a barrier to block your thoughts, thus separating you from my own mind. You are considered what we call a sparking, the equivalent to a human infant. You will have the ability to block your own mind by creating a firewall, as you will eventually be learning soon enough. However my protocols will always override yours if and when necessary."
Madi grimaced at the infantilizing description. "It sounds kind of like being a dog on a leash, except with two times the extra parental control."
At the roll of his eyes, he scoffed. "I beg to differ. Someone has to keep you obstreperous children in line."
She quirked a smile. "Is it safe to guess that I'm not the only 'kid' you have to deal with around here?"
He let a long, drawn out sigh exit his frowning lips. "Unfortunately, no."
Madi focused on the bond space again, this time studying it a bit more closely. "Your presence is quiet, like calm waters. How does mine feel like to you?"
His deadpanned expression made her worry a second. "You're not as loud as I'd initially predicted you to be, however you are still raucous, clearly lacking full control on how to organize your thoughts better and silence your presence especially. You'll have much to learn in order to be fully functioning."
Pink dusted her cheeks. She took that as a good sign and smiled to herself. She wondered what else was in store after this, but figured she'd find out soon enough. She never got the chance to go to school, so being able to learn something—anything—made her itch with excitement.
Cool down, gada. One step at a time. Pass the test, survive, and learn like there's no tomorrow.
Grinning ear to ear, she bounced on the heels of her boots. "You got it, boss! I'll be the best student you've ever had, promise!"
He huffed. "If not, so Primus help me."
Back in the Ark's medical bay, Cliffjumper busied himself as he continued monitoring Madi's now still form. He had just stowed away the defibrillator and a few other items, trying to help tidy up the place, not that there was much left to keep in order. It just kept his mind busy and away from the worry blowing up his circuitry.
He watched as her oxygen mask misted in even intervals. Thank Primus, he thought to himself for the umpteenth time in the past sixty seconds. The scout nearly had a spark attack when her heart suddenly stopped and he and Ratchet had to resuscitate the still organ. He watched her closely after that. She hadn't relapsed since then, but one could never be too careful.
On the other side of the gurney stood Ratchet's bipedal form, which had gone still in concentration. Although his optics were still open, his focus was taken elsewhere. The CMO had given him precise instructions before going back under.
Standing alone on the berth, surrounded by a mixture of both human and Cybertronian medical equipment, Cliffjumper took a moment to reach into the bond space. It was quiet with not much activity. Perhaps she was blocking him out, like she did Ratchet, he surmised. Yet Cliffjumper remained hopeful.
The scout wished he could be in there now beside her rightful side, but he knew Ratchet would do a better job at getting her started—and keeping her alive for that matter. He had a feeling she had a penchant for attracting and being in danger—a prudent combination, Ratchet had dryly noted.
Shaking his head, he returned his focus back on her. The movement under her closed eyelids indicated she was in REM sleep, which was a good sign according to their database on human health standards. She was going to need it.
He smoothed a thumb over her knuckles before returning back to his ministrations.
They rounded another bend. Not having much hopes of expecting much this time around again, Madi simply continued onward without much thought. However, when Ratchet's presence was no longer near her, a mini panic attack nearly crawled itself out of the dark. Whipping around, she found him several feet behind her, standing still as a statue. His eyes stared ahead. From what she could tell, something had his attention.
As if someone had just pressed an "on" button, Ratchet suddenly resumed walking. He strode past her until he stood in front of a portion of wall and crouched to face the lower portion. Madi watched as he extended a hand and brushed his fingers against something there. Madi quickly went after him and peered over his shoulder. There next his index and middle finger was a bright blue infinity symbol. Her eyes widened, recognizing it immediately.
The medic moved to stand his full height, peering down from a foot and a half above.
"I had an inkling you would know what this was", he commented. "It would appear whenever I came across a locked door."
"Then there must be one close by", Madi concluded.
"Precisely", Ratchet confirmed.
As the pair trekked their way past the symbol, Madi felt a tingling sensation across her knuckles. Her eyebrows furrowed when a thorough inspection of her hand revealed nothing out of the ordinary.
"Look." Madi snapped her head up at Ratchet's voice. She hadn't even noticed that he had walked ahead of her.
Jogging to catch up with him, Madi's heart skipped a beat when a strong, sweet-spicy scent hit her square in the face. She'd recognize that scent anywhere. Her steps slowed as she took in the sight before her, eyes widening to the size of saucers.
Staring back at them was a wall filled with branches and green foliage. The ceiling angled sharply upwards, meeting the top of the wall which stood over a hundred feet tall. Barely touching the ceiling were sunshine yellow flowers sitting atop of a recognizable set of trees. Her feet moved on their own accord, careful to step over the sprawled roots. As she grew closer, there nestled underneath the foliage was a wooden door. From the distance, she instantly spotted a wreath of the orange-and-yellow bulb-shaped flowers hanging against the door. Engraved inside the wreath was the Louwoda Kliron clan symbol—a circle with three curved arrows slicing through it.
She went to stand in front of the closest of the trees. Gently, she scraped her palm against the dark grey bark, feeling the familiar thick, furrowed wood beneath her fingertips. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deep. The wave of nostalgia hit her heavy.
Louwoda Kliron sat in a valley filled with lush flora and plentiful amounts of fauna, making it an ideal place to hunt and gather fruits for the cold winter months. But what made their land special were the tulip tree flowers that bloomed late spring of each year. They were her mother's favorite and she would always decorate the house with the brightly-colored bulbs. They normally had to wait until the flowers fell to the ground to gather them up, but her father was far from being normal. He always made it an effort to climb the monstrously tall trees and pluck them himself wearing no extra gear whatsoever and would bring handfuls of pretty flowers home. Although her mother was appreciative of his efforts, she would always yell at him for doing something so dangerously stupid. He would grin stupidly and tell her he would do anything for his queen and his princess.
They had told her one time that the flowers reminded them of her, which was why her mother decorated the house with them. It was believed that the flowers were so hard to attain because they were so close to heaven. And when they fell back down to the earth, it was to spread the wisdom of the gods above.
Madi choked at the thought of her parents, suddenly very emotional. Although they had passed a long time ago, she never truly took the time to properly grieve them and there wasn't a day that passed where she didn't miss her nomon and nontu. Her hands grew clammy as the butterflies swarmed her insides. If she was going to have to face her demons, could she do it? Before had just been the appetizer. This…would she survive reliving the memories that plagued her very existence?
Scoffing internally, Madi grimaced—what choice did she have? It has always been what choice did she have.
Madi jumped when Ratchet's hand brought the brunette out of her stupor. His strong presence instantly soothed the turbulence within, tuning it down enough to allow her to thoughts to change gears. Although he didn't say anything, a myriad of emotions flooded their shared bond space, although three made themselves distinct—reassurance, encouragement and protectiveness. Internally she leaned into the mixture, relishing in its essence.
He spoke through their bond.
/You always have a choice, little one. You can decide to move on from this or you can let it anchor you down for the rest of eternity./
Stewing on his words, she reflected on her entire one hundred and thirty-seven years of existence. How she even knew how old she was to this moment was beyond her. She felt Ratchet's surprise in the corner of her mind but paid it little mind.
Since the moment she was born, Madi never had control. People always made decisions for her, or if she retaliated, that freedom was instantly taken away.
Sucking in air through her teeth, Madi steeled herself. Ratchet was right. If she was being honest with herself, she was sick and tired of feeling like an imposter, trying to belong somewhere; trying to become so many things—for her family, her friends, her people, but never for herself.
It was time to stomp her foot down and take care of Madi. Not heda. Not Madi kom Louwoda Kliron kru. Not natblida child. Not daughter.
Just, Madi.
If she ever found her way back to Sanctum—if that was at all possible in her current life time—Madi swore she owed Dr. Jackson a shit ton and then some. Her lips quirked at the hum of Ratchet's sound agreement in her mind.
Grasping the bronze handle, Madi pulled. Nothing happened. Confused, she tried again, pulling harder this time. It still wouldn't budge. What the hell?
Behind her, Ratchet's brows came together equally confused. Madi thought back on what her subconscious told her. She was in control, so why wasn't it opening? Trying to recall their conversation, she rifled through the first encounter.
You're looking right at it…
Madi took a step back and inspected every inch of her surroundings. Flitting from the creases of the door to the thick foliage above them and over to the ground below; yet nothing stood out of the ordinary.
She distantly heard the crunch of Ratchet's shoes as he trekked the landscape trying to find any clues. He stepped over the thick gnarled roots, carefully maneuvering his way around. Something in his spark told him the answer lied below. As he scrutinized the ground, his feet brought him to the base of a tree. Between the joint where the roots met the trunk was a cluster of five-petal tubular shaped flowers. Its shocking blue color made it stand out against the rest of the forest. However, that's not what made his brows furrow in perplex. Embedded into the ground next to the flowers was a switchblade. He could make out the faded text on the hilt originally reading as 'Made in USA', however most of the words were painted over except for four letters.
On the other side of the landscape, the brunette was inspecting a tree bush when she felt a tug on her mind. Leaping over the roots, she ran over to Ratchet. Her footsteps slowed when she caught sight of the electric blue penstemons and the dark-grey switch blade. Her chest became heavy with a contrite heart. A familiar face surfaced its way to the top, belonging to a young girl with freckled olive skin and auburn hair. Her name followed right after.
Ratchet wanted to try something. Madi sensed his curiosity through their bond, and followed closely behind. Together, they stood before the wooden door staring right back at them.
For the first time since she was four years old, Madi whispered a name that had haunted her for the rest of her life.
"Keena."
The clan symbol glowed iridescent, as if in greeting. Then there was an audible click before the door swung wide open. Darkness welcomed them.
Ratchet searched her face. "Ready?"
"Wait!" she exclaimed.
Running back to the where they just were, Madi grabbed the switch blade and pulled it forcefully from the ground. She eyed the cluster before gently brushing her finger against one of them. "Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim."
Running back to Ratchet's waiting form, she held the blade up for him to see and stated breathlessly, "Just in case."
Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself once more. "Let's do it."
Together, they entered the threshold. The moment the pair passed through, the door shut closed behind them before the entire thing glowed a bright white.
With a flash, the door disappeared. Not too far away at the base of a tree trunk, the spot was barren except for a punctured slit in the earth. The electric blue penstemons were gone too.
Notes: Fun fact: Madi's mind scape is completely fictional, taking inspiration from Becca's Polaris space ship and a bunch of inspo pics on Google. =) For those not familiar with words in Trigsdaleng (Grounder Language) from The 100:
-Gada (girl)
-kom Louwoda Kliron kru (of/from Shallow Valley clan)
-Nomon (Mother)
-Nontu (Father)
-Heda (Commander)
-Natblida (bearer of nightblood)
-Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim ("May we meet again")
-Hosh daun fou skaikrasha (calm before the storm)z