8. The Independence
Cassandra lets out a quiet huff when she feels another large drop of rain drip from the edge of her hood and onto her leg, making her already drenched leather breeches even wetter. She'd given up trying to stay dry hours ago and the non-stop torrential rain was making an already difficult journey even worse. The lack of any sign of sun was making them all feel cold and miserable, walking through the mud was always hard work. Lady Trevelyan sets her eyes straight ahead of her, her eyes fixing on those that are riding ahead and noticing that they are trudging through the poor conditions and the rain as much as she is. But, they were heading home and the promise of their warm beds and a hot meal was spurring them all on and the Winter Palace was would soon be a distant memory.
"Are you okay back there, my love?" Lady Trevelyan whispers when she feels Lord Trevelyan leaning against her back, the weight of him increasing and his hold around her waist not as strong as it had been. "Ash?" She adds as she takes her reigns in one hand and lets the other come to rest on his gloved hand, patting it gently with her leather-covered palm to try and rouse him.
"I'm okay." Lord Trevelyan sighs behind her and she notices he tries to sit up straighter behind her in the saddle and then lets out a frustrated huff when he struggles. "I'm just exhausted, and soaked." He mumbles and she can feel his body shivering against her when he moulds himself against her back to share their body heat.
"We are nearly home." Cassandra whispers and smiles when she feels his arm around her waist tighten and him rest his head against her shoulder. "You are doing so well, My Lord." She smiles and squeezes his hand tightly. "But, I think you've had enough riding and need to get some rest." Lady Trevelyan adds and glances around to see how far back the carriage is, letting her eyes travel over the hundreds of soldiers and recruits that follow them and look as equally cold and wet as they are.
"I want to stay with you." Lord Trevelyan huffs quietly and she feels him let go of her hand and moving in the saddle again, knowing he is trying to get warm and is finding it difficult to keep his cloak around his body. "I'm so cold." He mumbles and she is sure she can hear his teeth chattering.
"What are you talking about? You are never cold." The Seeker smiles as she reaches behind her and drags the material around him, and then does the same on the other side until it's completely covering him. "My husband is always as warm as the sun." She adds and hears him chuckle behind her and his arm return to her waist. "Let's go and get you warmed up." Cassandra sighs when she feels him continue to shiver.
They'd been travelling for six very long and slow days back towards Skyhold; travelling at an even more leisurely pace than they had been when they'd first been heading to Halamshiral and the Winter Palace. But, this time Lord Trevelyan was hurt and had spent the first few days in his carriage sleeping through the pain and discomfort from his injuries which had slowed their journey home down even more. Lady Trevelyan had kept watch over him and spent her time between the carriage and being on horseback with Robert, making sure to wake her husband to eat and drink, to change his bandages, and clean what was left of his arm. By the fifth day, Lord Trevelyan was feeling stronger and looking more himself, and by the sixth, he was fed up of his carriage and had convinced her that he wanted to be outside again so that they could press on. They'd decided he could share her horse for a few hours as Lady Trevelyan knew her husband wouldn't be able to ride alone, he was struggling to find his balance and she knew he was still feeling weak, so she was happy to have him close.
Cassandra grips her reigns tighter as she kicks her horse on and tugs the leather to direct it to double back on itself, leaving the formation of the Inquisition forces and beginning to ride alongside them and in the opposite direction to their movements. She looks into the faces of them as they pass, noticing that they are all trying to keep themselves as dry as they can and she knows they are too looking forward to making camp for the night and drying out. The Seeker watches them nodding their heads in greeting as she passes until she reaches the Inquisitor's carriage, almost at the back of the procession and a welcome sight with its promise of shelter from the rain.
"Thank you!" She shouts through the deafening sound of the rain and towards the driver when she notices he brings it to a stop when he's spotted them. Lady Trevelyan watches him quickly climb down from his seat and take hold of her horse when they come alongside the carriage. "I hope it's drier in there than it is out here." She adds and smiles at him.
"Not by much, Lady Trevelyan." The driver chuckles as he lifts his gloved hand and takes hold of the front Lord Trevelyan's boot to keep him steady in the saddle so she can climb down and onto the floor. But, at least there are pillows and blankets she thinks to herself as stands to help The Inquisitor down.
"I can manage." She hears Lord Trevelyan mumble and sees him leaning forward and trying to lift his leg over the horse so he can dismount too. "I can do it." His huffs quietly and Cassandra notices that the driver glances at her and then back to Lord Trevelyan.
"Inquisitor.." Cassandra sighs quietly which draws his eyes to her. "I know you can do it, but you are weary right now." The Seeker nods lightly and tries to ignore how wet her feet are now that they've stopped moving. "We need to get you out of this rain." She whispers and sees the look of determination on his face fade when he has realises he needs help. "Come.." Lady Trevelyan adds and pats his leg gently.
"Alright." Lord Trevelyan nods making Cassandra glance at the driver, who moves to her side so they can between them help him down and into the carriage. She watches her husband place his feet firmly on the ground so quickly wraps her arm around his waist to hold him up. "Thank you." She hears him say to the man who then proceeds to tie her horse to the carriage and return to his seat.
The Seeker carefully helps him towards the step and up into his carriage, making sure that he doesn't lose his balance or hit his head on the doorway. Lady Trevelyan lets go of him for a moment and moves past him, pulling back the blankets and pillows that he'd been sleeping among on the floor until it is just the ones that had been keeping him from the wood. Cassandra watches him lowering himself to the bench and letting out a sigh when he comes into contact with the cushions.
"You're freezing." Lady Trevelyan whispers as she places her hand on his cheek for a moment before unhooking his soaked cloak and helping him remove it. "We need to get you out of the wet clothes." She adds as she lifts her fingers to undo her own and discarding it on the opposite bench with his, ignoring that they are dripping pools of water onto the floor.
"I can do it." Lord Trevelyan shivers, making her sigh lightly when she realises he is going to be a very difficult patient. At least when he had been only in his carriage he'd had no choice but accept help, but now she could tell he was feeling like a burden to her. "You don't have to look after me, I'm fine." He nods as she crouches down in front of him and begins unbuckling his boots.
"Husband.." Cassandra sighs as she tugs the first one from his foot. "You look after me, and I look after you." She mumbles and begins unbuckling the next one. "We both look after Robert." Lady Trevelyan smiles at him as she lets his other boot sit with the first. "It's what we do because we love each other." The Seeker nods and feels his eyes meet hers. "Right now, you can't do some things.." Cassandra whispers and hears him huff lightly.
"I can.." Lord Trevelyan begins but Cassandra just looks into his face and shakes her head at him making him sigh and lower his eyes. "I need to do these things. You shouldn't be taking care of me like a child." He mumbles and then huffs again.
"This won't be forever." Lady Trevelyan begins and lifts her hand to his cheek so he looks at her again. "You have only lived with this for six days. You are allowed to need some help." Cassandra smiles at him and helps him out of his coat until he is down to his shirt. "Ashton, please let me help you.." She sighs quietly and notices he nods. "It's just going to take time until you can be you again." Cassandra looks into his face.
"I have time." The Inquisitor smiles lightly at her. "I'm so lucky to have you, my love." He whispers and she notices he leans forward and presses a soft kiss against her mouth. "I'll keep quiet and accept help." Lord Trevelyan smiles at her and then she feels him lift his hand to the back of her neck.
"I am so lucky to have you." Cassandra smiles as he draws her into another kiss, making her sigh quietly before standing and stroking her hand against the back of his head. "Come.." She sighs motioning towards the floor and the makeshift bed. "You must rest and warm-up." The Seeker adds watching him lower himself to the cushions.
Cassandra kneels beside him again and reaches for the cushions and pillows, she begins placing them behind him, propping him up and making sure he is comfortable so that he can get some sleep. She takes hold of the blankets and furs in her hands and pulls them over him until they are up to his waist and watches him pull them higher with his hand and shuffle until he's comfortable and beneath them.
"I'm still pretty cold." She hears her husband sigh quietly when she is busy tucking the blankets around his body so she lifts her eyes to meet his. "It's taking ages to warm up." He adds and she notices his mouth tugs into a smile when he's noticed she is watching him. "Maybe you could.." Lord Trevelyan grins at her and motions his head to the space beside him.
"I think I could." Lady Trevelyan smiles and lifts her fingers to begin working on the top layer of her wet leather armour and removing it from her body until she is just in her tunic. She quickly unbuckles her boots and pulls them off of her feet and discards them with his. "You always keep me so warm so it is only fair that I do the same." Cassandra whispers as she crawls closer to him and lifts the blankets and furs so she can slide under them too.
"I feel warmer already." The Inquisitor sighs as she cuddles herself close to him, trying to share her warmth with him and knowing he'll be comforted by her being there. She wraps her arm around him and leans against his chest, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "I just can't touch you." She hears him add and rest his head against hers.
"We will just have to swap sides of the bed." Cassandra laughs quietly and hears him chuckle. "I'll sleep by the window and you can sleep by the stairs." She giggles as she lifts her head to look into his face and sees him nod and smile. "We will figure it out." Lady Trevelyan smiles as she lifts her hand to his face and pulls him into a soft kiss.
"We always do." Lord Trevelyan smiles until she watches him lower his head to kiss her again, feeling his mouth on hers when she lifts her hand to his neck. "Maker, I can't wait to get back to our bed." He smiles at her. "I can't wait to get you back to our tower." She hears her husband add and a smile stretch onto his face.
"You are supposed to be resting." Cassandra giggles as she wraps her arm across him, cuddling into his side to try and ignore her want to drag him down into the bed with her if he continues to kiss her. "Not thinking about us staying in bed for a week." She sighs enjoying how much warmer he is beneath her cheek now she's been at his side. "Preferably without our clothes." Lord Trevelyan adds and feels his chest move as he chuckles.
"Well, now I'm thinking about that." The Inquisitor chuckles and she feels him pressing a kiss against the top of her head. "That does sound great." He adds with another kiss.
"Ash.." Cassandra sighs quietly and can tell he's waiting for her to continue.
"Does it hurt? What does it feel like?" She adds and lifts her head so she can look into his face. "I know how much the mark hurt you but is this pain less?" Lady Trevelyan asks, wondering if it's too soon to talk about him being in any more pain than he already was.
"It hurts.." Lord Trevelyan begins and she sees him nod and his eyes meet hers. "But, it feels better every day so I know it will heal." He adds and smiles lightly. "When it happened, it was worse than anything I'd ever felt from the mark. But both pains, they've gone now." The Inquisitor nods and she notices he glances at his shoulder that is covered in bandages. "It feels like.." Ashton hums as if he's thinking about it.
Cassandra watches him as his eyes lower to what is left of his arm, noticing that he clears his throat and she feels him fidget at her side. Lady Trevelyan lifts her hand and reaches across his chest to lightly rest her palm against his bandaged shoulder, drawing his eyes to her hand and then back to her face. She gives him a comforting smile when his eyes find hers again and she hears him sigh lightly when she strokes her fingers against him, she'd always showed him his mark didn't make a difference to her love for him and neither would anything else.
"It feels like a loss." The Inquisitor nods. "Of my independence, of my opportunities, of my abilities." He mumbles and lowers his eyes again. "Of my usefulness." Lord Trevelyan adds with a light sigh. "But I'm torn, my love." She hears him continues and his eyes fix on her again. "Because for all the things I've lost and as much as I'm a burden. I've gained my life back."
"Your life is our greatest gift." Cassandra sighs and lifts her hand to his cheek. "You haven't lost any those things and you never will." She smiles trying to get him to do the same when he nods. "If you ever feel like that I want you to remember how important you are. You'll never be useless or a burden to me." The Seeker whispers and notices her words make him smile.
"Thank you for saying that." Lord Trevelyan sighs making her shake her head at him.
"Do not thank me for loving you." She grins at him and strokes her fingers around his ear and through the hair at the back of his head. "That will always happen and will never change." Cassandra smiles when he leans forward and rests his cheek against hers. "I will forever be yours and would do anything for you. You know that." Lady Trevelyan whispers against his ear before placing a soft kiss there.
Cassandra hears a light knock on the side of the carriage, drawing her attention away from kissing Lord Trevelyan and notices that he's hearing it too when he glances towards the door. She looks at the Inquisitor who shrugs lightly and then back towards the door, wondering who is interrupting their quiet time together. She wiggles out from beneath the blankets and furs, making sure to cover her husband with them before she climbs to her feet and steps towards the door.
"Oh, there is my handsome boy." Lady Trevelyan smiles when she lets the door swing open and spots Commander Cullen holding Robert in front of him and covering him with his cloak. "Is someone sleepy?" Cassandra adds when she notices he is sucking his thumb and finger in his mouth and is clinging onto Cullen.
"You think I'm handsome?" Cullen smiles at her making her laugh and hold her hands out to take Robert from him. "I'm going to give the orders to make camp soon. This rain isn't giving up." He adds as she watches him lift the small boy and quickly transfer him to her so he doesn't get wet. "Do you want me to let you know when your tent is ready?" He asks.
"I think we'll stay here tonight." Lady Trevelyan nods and glances over her shoulder at her husband and then back to Cullen. "Ashton is tired from the ride and I have just got him comfortable." She adds and notices it makes him laugh. "We'll see you in the morning. Thank you for watching him." The Seeker mumbles and feels her son wrap his arms around her neck tighter.
"Of course. You three need to spend some time together. Until then." Cullen nods and she watches him give her a small wave before kicking on his horse and disappearing into the rain.
The Seeker sighs quietly to herself, holding Robert on her hip and looking into his face when she feels his eyes on her, his big brown eyes that are just like his father's looking back at her. Cassandra strokes her son's hair as she feels him cuddling her, she looks over her shoulder again knowing she's done the right thing by giving them some time as just the three of them. As much as she loved and appreciated Cullen and everything he'd done for them, she knew it was time for Lord Trevelyan to continue to heal and to be back with her and Robert. Lady Trevelyan carefully steps over the Inquisitor's legs and the cushions, lowering Robert to her husband's lap.
"There is my boy." Lord Trevelyan smiles at Robert, lifting his hand to stroke his dark hair and then wrap his arm around him when the small boy curls into his fathers hold. "My handsome, clever boy." The Inquisitor whispers making her smile when she watches them together and can see how much he loves his son, and his son loves him.
"He's my handsome boy." Lady Trevelyan giggles and notices Ashton's eyes leave Robert and move to her and he smiles. "I carried and grew him." She whispers as she watches her husband gazing at their son again.
"I did my part." The Inquisitor grins as she lowers herself into the space next to him and back beneath the covers, letting her shoulder come into contact with his as he cradles Robert. "We made something amazing together." Lord Trevelyan nods and she feels his eyes on her.
Cassandra wriggles further down beneath the furs until she is laying on her side beside him, she lifts her hand to trail her fingertips on their small boy's back, smiling when she hears him yawning and looking up at Lord Trevelyan seeing him do the same. Lady Trevelyan laughs quietly when she watches Robert slipping from his father's lap and into the small space between his parents.
"He is amazing, isn't he?" Cassandra smiles at her husband, noticing he nods again and that he lowers his hand to stroke his hair. "We did very well." She adds and lets her palm rest on Robert.
"Papa." Robert yawns quietly making her smile when she hears it and notices Lord Trevelyan looks like he is going to cry with happiness when he hears what his son has said.
"I'm here," Ashton whispers and she watches him carefully lowering himself until he is laying beside her and mirroring her position. "Papa is here and he loves you." Lord Trevelyan whispers and relaxes into the pillows beside Robert.
"I hope if you ever feel useless, or a burden to us.." Cassandra whispers and lifts her hand to stroke Lord Trevelyan's face so his eyes meet hers. "If you ever question if this sacrifice that you've made was worth it.." She adds and sees him nod in understanding. "Remember that you were his first word, and how much he loves you." She smiles and notices Ashton does too.
"It was worth it.." Lord Trevelyan whispers and she watches him press a soft kiss into his son's hair. "For him, for you.." He nods as she strokes her fingertips against his jaw and then lowers her hand to his neck. "For us." The Inquisitor smiles so she leans up and over Robert to kiss her love gently before settling back into the pillows.
Lady Trevelyan takes hold of the furs in her hand and pulls them up higher over her two loves, covering Lord Trevelyan to keep him warm and tucking the blankets around her now sleeping Robert. She relaxes into the cushions and smiles when she watches her husband's eyes begin to close as he starts to fall asleep beside her. Cassandra wraps her arm lightly around Robert, letting her hand come to rest between her and Lord Trevelyan.
The Seeker closes her eyes but opens them lightly when she feels Lord Trevelyan's hand take hold of hers and him give her a small smile before he falls asleep. Cassandra smiles when she realises that this will be the first time they would all sleep through the night, without the worry of anything hurting them, without Lord Trevelyan's nightmares, and with the weight of the world no longer on their shoulders.