Quarantine - A Yappy Obi story
(Sequel to "Fourteen Days" - 13 year old Obi-Wan aka Yappy Obi and Qui-Gon continue on extended quarantine caused by a virus in the Temple. A quarantine that has run long past the original fourteen days.)
Originally posted in 2020
Obi: Master, you said fourteen days. It's been more than fourteen days, it's been fourteen plus fourteen plus fourteen plus fourteen...wait...one two...yeah, that many fourteen days. It's been a hell of a long time!
Qui: Obi-Wan. Soap. Mouth. Wash. Out?
Obi: Ah, no, Sorry. it's been a heck of a long time! You said quarantine would only last fourteen days. You were wrong. You'll never admit it, but you were wrong. We're at fourteen to the fourth power or something, I don't know, I pay no attention in math classes.
Qui: It's been sixty two days if you must know.
Obi: And you haven't killed me yet.
Qui: I've had my moments. Did you not notice the extra pillow on your bed the other morning?
Obi: Master! You were gonna smother me in my sleep? That's such a pathetic way to murder your Padawan. At least do me the honor of being struck down by a lightsaber.
Qui: I have not tried to kill you. Nor do I wish to kill you. At least not permanently.
Obi: Wait. Oh, you mean the whole blue ghostie thing.
Qui: Blue what?
Obi: You know, you die, you become a blue ghost in the Force. You teach me all the secrets of how you did that cool stuff so I can die next and become a blue ghostie too. So I can be right next to you for all eternity.
Qui: All what? No, never mind. I have no idea what you are saying, but the for all eternity part has me concerned.
Obi: You're not concerned by the fact that you die and I die?
Qui: No, those things are a given. But I assume when I die, I'm free.
Obi: Of what?
Qui: Of you.
Obi: Master!
Qui: Even you have to admit, Obi-Wan, you are exhausting.
Obi: I am.
Qui: See?
Obi: I still love you though.
Qui: I know, but I really was looking forward to a break.
Obi: Well, it doesn't happen. You even visit me in desert land when I'm old and - well, not that old - and gray - really gray - and hopeless. But I'm not a ghost yet, only you are
Qui: Then how can I teach you... wait. You know what? Never mind again. Let's refocus here.
Obi: All right. I told you we should have gotten more toilet paper, Master.
Qui: Are we out?
Obi: No, but we could be.
Qui: Temple service droids come and drop off what we need.
Obi: How can we trust them? They might have the contagion.
Qui: They are droids, not living creatures. The contagion cannot live inside a droid.
Obi: But it can live on them. Do you know how long that stuff stays alive on metal?
Qui: I do not.
Obi: Because they want to lure you into thinking that the toilet paper they drop off is safe and that the toilet paper itself is not the crappy sand-paper type stuff. So they send droids to drop it off so you can't ask questions.
Qui: That makes no sense.
Obi: It does if you think about it.
Qui: It does not. And I refuse to think about it. Have you done your studies that I gave you and that your class teachers have sent to your data-pad?
Obi: You gave me quarantine work?
Qui: I did. Three days ago.
Obi: All my days run together now, Master. For all I know three days means three weeks or three hours.
Qui: It was three days. Go back and look at your assignments for three days ago, pull them up, and work them. All of them.
Obi: I miss going to class. I miss going to the dining hall. I miss going on missions. Wait... why can't we go on missions? If it's only the Temple affected, why can't we leave and be free?
Qui: It's not just the Temple. And we don't know if we have the contagion already or not.
Obi: You're not puking up lungs. I'm not shooting fire from my eyes. So?
Qui: Neither of those are symptoms, Obi-Wan.
Obi: You know what I mean. We are not sick. We should be free.
Qui: But we might be sick.
Obi: But we're not.
Qui: But we might be.
Obi: But we're not.
Qui: But we might be.
Obi: But we're not.
Qui: But we might be. Damn it, stop it! Just because you don't have symptoms doesn't mean you are not sick.
Obi: Master, that goes against everything I believe in.
Qui: That also makes no sense.
Obi: In day one hundred eighty two of lockdown, it makes sense. Trust me.
Qui: Sixty two. Lockdown?
Obi: Lockdown, quarantine, prison, whatever you call it. Please explain no symptoms no sick.
Qui: One can have been infected but without showing visible symptoms of the contagion.
Obi: How do you know they are infected?
Qui: You don't. That's the whole point. But they can spread the contagion without knowing it because of the fact that they have no symptoms.
Obi: So, it's better for everyone if I am visibly hacking up hairballs so they know to stay away from me.
Qui: No, if you are too sick, you end up in the hospital.
Obi: That's good. Healer Terran will take good care of me and I can get out of this apartment. I should go get some symptoms.
Qui: Sit. Stay.
Obi: Masterrrrrrrr. I need to get out of this place. Can't we at least go for a walk? I'll put my robe over my mouth and nose and promise not to sneeze on anyone. I need to get outside. We can go see Dex! He won't rat us out. Come on, please! I need some greasy food and sweet pala cakes. I need sugar!
Qui: The last thing you need is sugar. You've been doing very well without the high dosage you usually take in.
Obi: I have a stash.
Qui: Of sugar?
Obi: A secret stash.
Qui: Which you just told me about. Not very good at keeping secrets, are you?
Obi: I am not.
Qui: So you've been sneaking sugar.
Obi: I have. Would you like some? I just grab a spoon and shovel it in.
Qui: I'll pass, thank you.
Obi: I know, what if we leave our quarters but stay away from everyone else. Six feet should do it. You always tell me that people like to avoid talking to me anyway, and you by default. This could work. I won't hug or threaten to hug anyone. Well, except you, but as long as I live with you I can hug you. Isn't that a rule? Don't touch your face. Don't sneeze on other people. No wait, that's one is always a rule. Don't hang out in large gatherings. You hate that anyway because you're a loner, Master.
Qui: I prefer solitary.
Obi: Just keep a distance and don't hug or sneeze on anyone and we're good to go. Oh and don't get into the lift with anyone else or touch the buttons.
Qui: What buttons?
Obi: The buttons in the lift to tell it where to go.
Qui: It goes up and down, it doesn't need direction. And you just vocally tell the level where you want to go. There are no buttons to press.
Obi: Are you sure?
Qui: Obi-Wan, I have lived here since I was a baby. I would remember buttons in the lift.
Obi: Wow, you're old, Master.
Qui: And aging by the minute.
Obi: Okay, so no buttons, so much for that. We just stay away from people and if they come toward us we walk far away from them. Oh, I know. We can call it distancing. Social distancing. Because we're distancing and we're being anti-social. No, wait. Shouldn't it then be called Anti-social distancing? Nah, that's hard to say and it has a hyphen in it if you ever have to spell it. And if someone gets too close, we can challenge them to a spar and the loser gets the contagion infection.
Qui: What the hell are you talking about?
Obi: I'm bored, Master. This is what happens. You know that as well as I do. You have been my only companion for the last four hundred seventy two days.
Qui: Sixty two days.
Obi: At this point, does it really matter? It's a crapload more than the fourteen days you promised.
Qui: I promised nothing. I suggested.
Obi: You owe me a hug.
Qui: You owe me quiet.
Obi: Trade?
Qui: Can you promise to be quiet until this is all over?
Obi: I can not.
Qui: Even for a hug?
Obi: I know your hugs, Master. They aren't worth one day of quiet, much less nine hundred thirty two days of it.
Qui: Sixty two.
Obi: Let's go outside, please Master? How about I promise to not hug you?
Qui: Ever again?
Obi: Well, no, but for the next day. Yes, I can do a day.
Qui: Fine. We will go out, but don't go near anyone, don't talk to anyone, don't press any imaginary buttons.
Obi: I can do those things.
Qui: Right. Certainly you can.
—-
Qui: Obi-Wan, stop running in the corridor. If the Council sees you, there will be consequences.
Obi: For you, yes, but they avoid me like the plague. Hey, this contagion stuff, is this the plague?
Qui: No.
Obi: How do you know?
Qui: Because I do.
Obi: But how?
Qui: I am older and wiser.
Obi: What about Master Yoda?
Qui: What about him?
Obi: He's older and wiser than you. Maybe he knows if this is the plague. Or maybe he has toilet paper we can have. No wait... never mind, now that thought is stuck in my head and it's ugh, okay. Change the subject. Master, the lift is empty. We can escape... I mean leave now.
Qui: Where are we going?
Obi: To Dex, remember?
Qui: I don't think we agreed to that.
Obi: I did.
Qui: You cannot have an agreement with yourself.
Obi: I've had many of them. You just don't notice because you are so busy disagreeing with me.
Qui: Level one.
Obi: You ignore me too.
Qui: Obi-Wan if you can find us a taxi, we can go to Dex's Diner, assuming he's open.
Obi: Oh, his place is open. Trust me, the amount of nasty that goes into that place on a regular basis, they're not worried about a contagion that is supposedly roaming invisibly around the Jedi Temple.
Qui: Supposedly?
Obi: And invisibly.
Qui: You do not believe the healers?
Obi: I'm not ruling out that this is just an elaborate plan by Master Windu and Master Medusa to keep me locked away for an extended period.
Qui: Her name is not Medusa...
Obi: She's got snakes on her head, right?
Qui: She does not.
Obi: Really? I always just assumed...
Qui: You assumed incorrectly as usual.
Obi: Tell me those things don't look like snakes? I know they've hissed at me more than once.
Qui: That was Master Gallia herself doing the hissing.
Obi: Medusa?
Qui: Yes. No. Yes. No, damn it, stop that!
Obi: Snakes in a Temple. Maybe they are the one spreading the virus around.
Qui:
Obi: Master?
Qui:
Obi: Master?
Qui:
Obi: Master?
Qui: You're just going to keep saying it? Is my silence not enough?
Obi: I thought maybe you caught the contagion.
Qui: In half a second? It doesn't work like that.
Obi: How do you know?
Qui: Because I do.
Obi: But how?
Qui: I am older and wiser. Didn't we just have this conversation?
Obi: Maybe. I lose track. All my minutes run together now.
Qui: Just hail a taxi, please.
Obi: They won't stop for me, you know that.
Qui: Right. I'll get us a ride.
—-
Obi: Told you, Master. Dex's place is always open. He caters to the scum of the galaxy and they could care less about invisible killer diseases designed only to keep Obi-Wan Kenobi from wandering the Temple and talking and hugging.
Qui: I am not responding to that. Go on in and get us a table.
Obi: My favorite booth, there in the corner.
Qui: No, we sit near the window. Always watching. Keeping an eye out for danger or problems. Sitting in the corner, you are hidden away and cannot see or feel everything around you.
Obi: We're here to eat, not generate galaxy-wide peace.
Qui: We are peacekeepers. 'Peace' is actually a word in the job description.
Obi: I'm also hungry. Can't we create peace after we stuff our stomachs?
Qui: Go wash your hands in the lavatory.
Obi: Why?
Qui: You are coming from an infected Temple. No need to share your germs. Go wash, now.
Obi: What about you?
Qui: I washed my hands before we left, remember?
Obi: Not really, but I wasn't paying any mind to you.
Qui: As usual. Go. Now.
—-
Obi: Master, Dex said he can't hug me today.
Qui: As well he should not. No touching.
Obi: This stupid contagion really gets in the way of all the things I need in my life. Like toilet paper. Hugs. Driving the Council crazy. I miss my old life.
Qui: You are still in your old life, this is simply a detour.
Obi: A five hundred and forty two day detour.
Qui: Sixty two.
Obi: You keep saying that, Master.
Qui: Because it's true.
Obi: Who has time for the truth right now? I need hugs and things. Can we go home now?
Qui: You wanted to get out of the Temple and stuff your stomach.
Obi: It's no fun if I can't touch anyone or go near anyone. Look, they have every other table in here blocked off, like they're afraid of me or something.
Qui: Has nothing to do with you, Obi-Wan. Contrary to what your strange thirteen year old mind thinks, none of what is happening has even the slightest bit to do with you. It's about keeping people safe and healthy and letting the healers figure it out so it doesn't spread faster.
Obi: Are you sure, Master? I really do feel this is all aimed at me.
Qui: Why?
Obi: Because I do.
Qui: Why?
Obi: Because I do.
Qui: Why?
Obi: Because I... Master! Stop that!
Qui: Annoying, isn't it?
Obi: Very. Why did you, ooooh, I got it. Okay, we can stay and eat. I'm okay with only having you to hug. At least for a while until everyone can be safe.
Qui: You understand now?
Obi: I do. I promise.
Qui: Good. Then when we get home, I will hug you.
Obi: What?
Qui: You heard me.
Obi: I did, but what?
Qui: You heard me.
Obi: Let's go home now!
Qui: Sit. Stay. Did you put our order in already with Dex at the counter?
Obi: Yes. I got you your usual boring bland cardboard and for me, an insanely sugar-laced meal.
Qui: That's my padawan.
Obi: Okay, so seven hundred fifty two days and how much longer?
Qui: Sixty two and there is no way to know for certain, but the healers are working as quickly as they can to figure it all out. Trust them and be patient.
Obi: I do trust them. I am not patient.
Qui: You have plenty of time to practice that.
Obi: I should practice, but well, you know me.
Qui: I do. Look, here's our food. Now, go slowly and enjoy it, because once we get back to our quarters it might be a while before we return back outside again.
Obi: Another three hundred twenty two days?
Qui: Sixty two.
Obi: Ha! I know that. Well, now I do.
Qui: I've only said it five times in the last thirty minutes.
Obi: You know how well I listen.
Qui: I know how well you don't listen.
Obi: Yeah, that.
Qui: Eat up.
—-
Obi: Master, we're home and I feel sick. Do you think I have the contagion?
Qui: No, I think you ate three plates of solid sugar in less than an hour.
Obi: Right. Yeah, I feel bad now. I'll go lay down.
Qui: No hug?
Obi: I forgot! Here I come! Ah, this is nice, Master. So nice. You give the best hugs when you really want to, which isn't often enough by the way.
Qui: The rarer they are, the finer they are.
Obi: Yeah, okay, I better let go now before I puke all over you. Are you sure I don't have the contagion?
Qui: Positive.
Obi: Promise?
Qui: Promise.
Obi: What if I did?
Qui: Then you'd get help and we'd get you better.
Obi: You'd take care of me, Master?
Qui: I would help the healers.
Obi: Aww, that's sweet.
Qui: And stop thinking what you are thinking. You are not purposely getting sick just so I can take care of you.
Obi: But it sounds so nice.
Qui: Having your lungs torn apart by a virus?
Obi: Ah, um, er, what?
Qui: That's what the contagion can do.
Obi: That sounds like... maybe I'll shut up and enjoy my quarantine.
Qui: Perhaps you will.
Obi: I still think we need more toilet paper.
Qui: Obi-Wan!
END