''Excuse us for a second.''
Brittany leads Santana out onto the balcony closing the door behind her so nobody can eavesdrop and walks to the far right corner where nobody can see them when they stand in front of the door, she leans against the wall looking at Santana and sighs. ''San please don't worry about paying me back or such, I don't want your money.''
''But I can use the money they have to pay me, to pay Marley.'' Santana murmurs she looks up at Brittany and bites her lip. ''I feel bad for letting you pay her Britt-Britt.''
Brittany sighs softly reaching out to grab Santana's hand and smiles slightly as they lock eyes. ''Do you know why they have to pay a fine?'' She pulls Santana closer as she shrugs her shoulders and widens her stance so they are on the same height. ''Because they are the cause of too much pain in your and in your daughters life San, the fine is an assurance that you and Bella can finally enjoy life and that you will have a jump start on your future maybe even an apartment in the city where you want to go to college. I don't want you to use that money on me or something else, it is for you and for Bella.''
Santana bites her lip dropping her head and gulps. ''I feel bad though, you already did so much for me.'' She looks up at Brittany and sniffles. ''Us, I don't even know how to thank you for everything you did in such a short time.''
Brittany reaches up catching the tear that drips down her cheek with her thumb and smiles lovingly. ''I told you that you don't have to thank me Santana, I am more than happy to know that you can finally be happy and live your life without angst.''
''But…'' Brittany smiles putting her finger up to her lips shushing her and pulls her close wrapping her arms around San's waist, she kisses the top of her head as she nuzzles her head under her chin and sighs softly.
''But nothing San, I don't expect you to pay anything back and I don't want you to feel like you have to either.''
''But it's a lot you had to pay Britt-Britt.''
''So?'' Brittany asks softly, she looks down as she feels Santana pull back and bites her lip shrugging. ''Knowing that you and Bella are safe is worth every dime I own.''
''I feel bad tho.'' Santana murmurs softly looking down at her hands places on Brittany's hips, she licks her lips slowly shaking her head and sighs. ''I don't want you to feel like I am using you, now that I have a bit of money to my name please let me pay you back.''
Brittany shakes her head and sighs softly, she reaches out placing her finger under Santana's chin and slowly lifts her head smiling sadly as troubled brown orbs lock on her own. ''Don't use that money for it, if you want to pay me back I won't hold you back but concentrate on Bella, college and such first I am not planning on leaving San so if you want to pay me back in the future you can alright?''
''I will Britt-Britt, but I still want to do something for you and Puck. The both of you offered me and Bella a place to stay and I will feel bad if I don't do something in return.''
Brittany tilts her head chuckling softly and shrugs. ''It's your apartment too you know, you can do whatever you want sweetie.''
''I will help buying the groceries.'' Santana states smiling slightly, Brittany nods her head knowing Santana will feel better if she does something and smiles.
''Alright, weekly grocery shopping trips so we can buy everything we need?''
''Yeah sounds good.'' Santana murmurs, she leans back into Brittany's embrace kissing her cheek and sighs softly. ''Thank you.''
''Say thank you one more time and little B will wake you up with a tickle attack tomorrow morning.'' Brittany murmurs laughing softly, Santana burst out laughing as Brittany's hands slide up her sides and quickly grabs them.
She pins them against the wall beside Brittany's body and leans up on her tiptoes kissing her cheek, she pulls back with a slight smirk as she sees the shock in her eyes and winks. ''Thank you.'' She murmurs turning on her heels, she quickly opens the door as she hears Brittany grumble and jogs inside laughing as she quickly follows her.
She slides over to the couch pulling her best friends up as Brittany walks into the living room and laughs. ''Em go get your sister, she wants to tickle me!''
Emily smiles in amusement looking between both girls and raises an eyebrow. ''What the hell is going on?'' She asks chuckling.
''San doesn't stop thanking me.''
''Britt hates politeness.'' Both girls answer in unison, Puck laughs walking over to his best friend and wraps an arm around her shoulder smiling as Mercedes joins them.
''Did you threaten her with Bella's tickles again?''
''Maybe?''
''Yea she sure did.'' Both girls answer in unison once again, Quinn shakes her head pointing her finger between them and snickers.
''The both of you answering in unison the whole time is kinda creepy.''
Brittany shrugs her shoulders locking eyes with Santana and laughs. ''Yeah it kinda is.''
''But it's fun.'' Santana says shrugging her shoulders with a small smile, she glances at the clock on the wall and sighs softly. ''I think it's time to call it a night guys, today really powered me out and I will join glee tomorrow.'' She says exchanging a small smile with Mercedes as her friends cheer.
Puck nods his head standing up and grabs his car keys off of the table. ''Yeah it's time that I bring you all home and to the hotel guys, some of you still have school tomorrow.''
''B, Puck will the both of you join me during glee tomorrow?'' Mercedes asks as she stands up with Marley, Brittany shrugs her shoulders hugging her as soon as she walked over to her and kisses her cheek.
''Yeah sure C.'' She turns to her sister hugging her close and kisses her head. ''Good night sis.''
Santana smiles hugging her friends goodbye and walks over to Mercedes after hugging Marley and Puck, Mercedes smiles leaning against the doorpost leading into the kitchen and hugs the girl. ''You okay San?''
''I will be Cedes just need a bit of time.''
''Think talking will help?'' Mercedes asks carefully, Santana turns to glance at Brittany and shrugs.
''We still have some things to talk about but I am pretty clear of how I feel Mercedes.''
''I know girl I can see it, but don't force yourself to anything alright? Just go at your own pace and if you don't want to talk today just don't, Britt will understand.''
Santana slowly nods her head and sighs softly. ''Yeah I think I will skip more talking today, the trial was nerve wracking and quite emotional. I am beat.''
''Go to bed San, we will see each other alright?'' Mercedes hugs her once again and smiles. ''And spare your voice, we will sing something tomorrow.''
Santana nods her head pulling out of the hug and smiles. ''I will, see you tomorrow Cedes.''
''Sleep tight San, love you.'' Emily says as she walks over to them with Jake and Quinn hugging her once again, Santana smiles kissing their cheeks and pulls back watching Puck open the door for them.
''See you tomorrow guys, love ya too.''
''Don't wait up, Jake and I will game a couple of rounds.'' Puck tells both girls as Brittany joins them at the front door, Brittany laughs wrapping her arm around Santana's shoulder and looks at her best friend.
''You talk to us like we are your parents, have fun Noah.'' She rolls her eyes as Puck smirks and lifts her finger fake glaring at him. ''Do I need to remind you that you are one year older grandpa?''
She snickers as Mercedes, Marley and the teens burst out laughing and reaches out patting Puck's shoulder as he grumbles. ''Alright get lost, I wanna game a bit too.''
Santana smiles watching Brittany close the door after their friends yelled goodbye once again and runs a hand through her hair yawning. ''I think I am going to bed too, I am beat.''
Brittany hums softly kissing the top of her head and smiles. ''Yeah you need to rest, good night sweetie.''
''Good night Britt-Britt.'' Santana murmurs smiling slightly as she slips into her room knowing Brittany will sit in the living room to game, she looks at the bed smiling lovingly as she sees her daughter fast asleep with her thumb in her mouth and quickly strips out of her clothes changing into a long shirt and shorts.
She slides into the bed beside her daughter removing the pillow Quinn and Em put down to prevent her from rolling off of the bed and pulls her closer, she smiles lovingly as she immediately grabs the collar of her shirt in her little fist and kisses her head sighing softly. ''Te amo mi hija.''
Four hours later.
Santana shoots up drenched in sweat and quickly covers her mouth to silence her scream, she quickly turns to her daughter as she hears her whine and rubs her back biting back a sob. ''It's okay mija, go back to sleep baby girl.'' She murmurs softly running her hand through her dark locks.
Bella grumbles softly nuzzling her face in her mami's pillow and sighs about to drift off to sleep again after hearing her mami's soothing voice. ''Amo mami.''
''I love you too baby girl.'' Santana murmurs wiping away the silent tears running down her cheeks, she slowly slides out of bed the second her daughter falls back asleep and places her pillow in front of her so she can't roll off of the bed.
She walks out of the room after changing into a fresh shirt and bites her lip as she sees the soft glow of the TV coming out of the living room, she tiptoes past the entrance smiling sadly as she sees Brittany still awake playing a game and walks into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
You deserved everything that happened to you, you worthless bitch you are nothing but a burden to everyone!
She shakes her head trying to get rid of Dani's voice in her head and slides down the kitchen counter burying her face in her legs sniffling softly, she bites her lip as her hands start to shake knowing another panic attack is starting and slowly pushes herself back up as she hears Brittany's voice probably talking to someone over a headset.
She forces herself to walk into the living room knowing Brittany's presence will calm her down and shakes her head as Dani's voice enters her mind once again.
You really think she will continue helping you like she did before? She will see how worthless you are soon, nobody loves you!
Brittany frowns as she hears footsteps and turns her head frowning in concern as she sees Santana turn around to walk into the kitchen, she throws her controller down as soon as she sees her shaking hands and rips off her headset quickly excusing herself to the group she is playing with. ''Gotta go guys.''
Santana freezes as she feels Brittany grab her hand before she can walk into the kitchen and keeps her head down trying to regular her breathing. ''Hey what's wrong?'' She gulps as she hears Britt's soft soothing voice and sniffles slowly shaking her head.
''It's nothing, go back to your game.'' She forces out trying to act like she can breath normally, Brittany sighs softly slowly wrapping her arms around Santana from behind and places her chin on her shoulder ignoring the awkward angle she is in seeing she is almost a head taller.
''This doesn't look like nothing sweetie, please talk to me.'' She murmurs softly slowly pulling her back to the couch, she sits back down pulling Santana in her lap always giving her the chance to stop her if she doesn't want it and cups her cheek slowly tilting her head up so they can lock eyes.
She frowns in concern as she sees the trembling of her hands get worse and slowly grabs Santana's left hand as she hears her ragged breathing, she places it on her chest keeping their eyes locked and bites her lip. ''Breath with me sweetie.''
Santana gulps slowly trying to regular her breathing keeping her eyes locked on calming blue orbs and sniffles as tears run down her cheeks once again, she leans into Brittany's touch as she cups her cheek and swallows thickly. ''I'm sorry.'' She murmurs voice thick with tears.
''Huh?'' Brittany asks confused. ''Sorry for what sweetie?''
''For being such a burden, you deserve so much more than being coped up with my stress. They were right I am worthless and will only cause stress and pain for the people around me.''
''Hey no.'' Brittany says softly, she cups Santana's chin pulling her head up and slowly forces her to lock eyes. ''Don't say that, don't let them get to you.''
''But they are right.'' Santana murmurs tearfully. ''Ever since we met all you did was making sure nothing would happen to me, you were concerned and probably didn't sleep much because we woke you with a nightmare every time we slept over….''
Brittany shushes her before she can continue rambling and leans their foreheads together. ''Look at me.'' She murmurs softly, she shakes her head keeping their foreheads connected as Santana keeps her eyes cast downwards and bites her lip. ''San look at me, please.''
Santana gulps slowly lifting her eyes up sniffling as she sees the pain clearly mirrored in Britt's own eyes and breaths out a soft sigh.
''Don't you think that I am old enough to decide who I want to let in my life and apartment?'' Brittany asks softly keeping their eyes locked, she shakes her head taking a hold of Santana's hand as she tries to say something and smiles slightly. ''No, no let me talk please.''
Santana quickly shuts her mouth keeping their eyes locked and slowly nods her head pulling back but still sitting in her lap, Brittany smiles slightly glancing down at their connected hands on Santana's leg trying to sort out her thoughts and sighs.
''I know that they said some fucked up things and that it's hard to not listen to it after they said the same things for almost your whole life but they are wrong Santana, you are not worthless, you will never ever be a burden to any of us and you are the kindest, dorkiest, snarkiest friend one could ask for.''
Brittany shakes her head as she tries to say something and puts her finger against her lips smiling slightly as she sees tears fill Santana's eyes. ''Do you know why I did what I did?'' She frowns slightly and rubs the back of her neck smiling sheepishly. ''That sentence sounded better in my head.''
She smiles lovingly as Santana chuckles softly tears still in her eyes and bites her lip. ''There you go, that is the sound I love to hear.'' She cups Santana's cheek as she smiles slightly and sighs softly. ''I wanted to help you because I care for you Santana, you are the first girl since high school who managed to worm her way into my heart and after I met Bella it just intensified the feeling to protect the two of you from any possible harm.''
She bites her lip pausing a second to sort out the thoughts swarming through her head and catches a tear sliding down Santana's cheek with her thumb. ''You are really special San, no one could go through what you did and come out stronger than before. In the end you fought back and you won, sure we all helped you a bit but you took the biggest step and you stood your ground even though those fuckers tried to bring you down once again.''
''That's the thing, I am not strong Brittany I let everything they said get to me and their voices haunt me in my dreams and now every time I think that I can take a step forward their voices make me take three steps back and close off once again.'' Santana murmurs tearfully.
''You just went through hell once again because every thing you kept a secret before got public the second they showed the evidence sweetie, the nightmares will sadly haunt you for a while but you are not alone San you can wake me every night if you need someone to talk and I am sure Puck will talk to you too if you wake him.''
''You need your sleep though.'' Santana says frowning as she sees the bags under Britt's eyes, Brittany chuckles softly and mentions her hand towards the paused game on TV.
''Yeah I didn't sleep and I can't sleep yet.'' She quickly shakes her head as Santana opens her mouth to say something and shushes her. ''Don't apologize because you are not the reason for my sleeplessness San, my sleeping pattern is kinda ruined and I can stay up for four days in a row even though I try not to thanks to you it's slowly returning back to normal though and every time we cuddled or I cuddled with Bella to let her take a nap I caught some shut eye too.''
''When will the nightmares stop?'' Santana asks softly, Brittany leans back running a hand through her hair and smiles sadly.
''I sadly can't give you an answer to that San, I got rid of my nightmares because I went through therapy.'' She bites her lip as she feels Santana tense and squeezes the hand she still holds softly. ''I know you don't like to hear this but I think it's best if you make an appointment and talk about everything San, you can't let them continue haunting you.''
''I don't think I can relive everything once again Brittany.'' Santana murmurs tearfully.
''It will be hard at first but after every sitting you will feel a bit relieved San, look I won't force you to anything but if you decide to go I will be there along the way and if there are things you can't talk to me about you still have your friends, Puck and Cedes who will gladly hear you out and give you advice.''
''Do you know someone who is good enough and who I can trust?''
''Who you trust is your decision San and I don't know anyone in Lima, during high school I had my therapy sessions in Westminster and after everything that happened.'' She mentions to her leg and bites her lip. ''I had sessions on base, they flew in one of the best psychologists so I didn't have to move one bit until I was healed enough to fly.''
''Why did you have therapy during high school?'' Santana asks curiously, Brittany blows out a breath and shrugs.
''I had some anger management problems and due to my ADHD I needed someone to talk to and to get the right treatment so I wouldn't bounce against the walls every minute of the day.''
''Did the talking help?'' Santana asks softly, Brittany nods her head and smiles slightly.
''Yeah it really did and I barely have trouble with hyperactivity now and I can concentrate longer on one task without trying to start five different things at once, after I got shot I had really long sessions but after I felt like I could sleep again and they also helped me with PTSD and I had to go through exposure therapy so I wouldn't jump at every loud bang I hear.''
Santana nods her head and sighs softly. ''I think I need to go through it to get rid of everything but I can't bring Bella to Judy every time and I don't know if I am strong enough.''
''Bella can also stay with her godmothers or here at home with me and Puck, if you decide to go to therapy we will make sure Bella is taken care of okay?'' Brittany says softly, she slowly reaches up cupping her cheek and turns her head so she can lock eyes with her once again. ''And you are strong San, if you need someone to catch you after a session I will gladly just sit here with you and hear you out or we can sit in silence whatever you want sweetie.''
Santana bites her lip and swallows thickly. ''I think I need to go to therapy so I won't flinch every time someone touches me or sneaks up behind me, I can see that you all are walking on egg shells so I won't panic and I don't want that I want you all to feel free to hug me without asking or to touch me without slowing the movement down so I can see it happen.''
''Whatever you decide to do, we are all here to support you along the way San.'' Brittany murmurs softly, Santana nods her head slowly sliding down tucking her arm between Britt's against her side and lays her head on her shoulder pulling her legs up onto the couch.
''What did I do to deserve you?'' She asks softly voice filled with tears.
''Well believe it or not, but I think fate has laid a hand here San.'' Brittany murmurs softly, she strokes the arm laying across her stomach and sighs softly. ''Even though I didn't believe in everything surrounding destiny and such back in school, I kinda think that our paths crossed for a reason and I won't fight against it.''
''The pull I feel towards you is too strong to fight.'' Santana mumbles keeping her face buried in Britt's shoulder, Brittany chuckles softly nodding her head in agreement and sighs.
''Yeah that is the exact same thing I thought the day I met you, the second I laid my eyes on you in the choir room was the moment I knew that I wanted you to be a part in my life the smile you threw at me made my defenses immediately crack and the longer we talked just made me realize that the walls I though I build to keep me from getting hurt were non-existent in your presence.''
Santana slowly pulls back frowning in concern and looks down at her. ''What if I hurt you though? I don't want to hurt you Britt-Britt but the person I am now is not someone I am proud of, me being so closed off can hurt other people and you are the last person I want to cause any pain too.''
Brittany tilts her head smiling slightly and sighs softly. ''San how long do we know each other now?''
Santana frowns in confusion and shrugs. ''Around three months, why?''
''Did you ever hurt me?''
''No, but..''
Brittany shakes her head shushing her softly and smiles lovingly. ''Nu-uh no buts sweetie, I know that you are scared but you don't have to be.'' She cups Santana's cheek running her thumb over her cheekbone and bites her lip. ''I don't think you have it in you to hurt me or anyone you love San, sure there will be a few fights or discussions because let's face it we are both stubborn as fuck.''
''Oh yeah.'' Santana mumbles chuckling, Brittany smiles slightly slowly tilting her head up so they can lock eyes and bites her lip.
''But really hurting me? Nah I don't think you will, the last three months you had so many moments where you could tell me to fuck off or worse but you didn't. Whenever something bothered you, you talked to me and the second something became too much you voiced it and took the distance you needed.''
''But what if it happens though?'' Santana breaths out softly. ''I don't want to hurt you Britt-Britt.''
''Does your brain ever stop worrying?'' Brittany asks softly, she sighs as Santana just shrugs and leans up kissing her cheek. ''If it ever happens we will talk, but just like I said I don't think you will San.''
Santana gulps feeling the touch of Brittany's lips still on her cheek and sighs softly. ''How the hell do you do that?''
''What?''
''Make me feel safe and cared for with just one touch or one kiss on my cheek or head.''
''Because I care and because I won't let anything happen to you or little B?''
''Is it just that though?'' Santana asks softly addressing the big elephant in the room, Brittany leans her head back against the couch and bites her lip.
''No not anymore, just like I said a few days ago.'' Brittany clears her throat as Santana just continues looking at her knowing she wants her to talk first and nervously licks her lips watching Santana glance down to follow the movement of her tongue. ''Along the way my feelings changed, you just captured my interest from day one and every minute spend with you after made my feelings for you change.''
She takes a deep breath running a hand through her hair and bites her lip glancing down at her hand on Santana's leg as she feels her fingers slide perfectly through the small gaps between her fingers. ''I can't even try to describe what I feel with every little glance or touch, all I know is that I never felt like this before and I want to look where this leads us.''
Santana slowly nods her head looking down at their intertwined hands and swallows thickly as Brittany slowly runs her thumb over her knuckles. ''The second your bright blue eyes connected with mine I felt a pull I couldn't and didn't want to fight. The second I watched you interact with my daughter and heard her happy giggles was the last push I needed to fall into an ocean of feelings I can't really place all I know is that it feels amazing and I only feel it when you are near or when you touch me.''
She slowly looks up locking eyes with Brittany and smiles sadly. ''I want to look where this leads us too, but I am afraid that I will fuck up and hurt you.''
Brittany smiles lovingly and bites her lip. ''Yeah that feeling is mutual, I am normally the one known for fucking things up San but honestly even if I am scared that one of us might get hurt I know that we will communicate if something bothers us like we do now.'' She slowly sits up keeping a hold on Santana so she doesn't slide off of her lap and swallows thickly. ''I know we both have a lot to figure out and well there is still the small.'' She holds up her hand showing the small gap between her thumb and pointer finger. ''Age problem with you turning eighteen next month and me turning twenty-one in four, we live in a small town and I don't want you to live with shit talking once again sweetie.''
''Just like you said I will be turning eighteen next month, those small minded bitches can blow me.'' Santana smiles slightly as Brittany breaths out a laugh and shrugs. ''I am old enough to take my own decisions Britt-Britt and my decision is giving this.'' She pauses sliding her bottom lip between her teeth closing her eyes and slowly opens them immediately locking on bright blue orbs. ''Us a chance, it won't be a good idea to flaunt it around town knowing how fucked up people are for a month or so but that won't hold me back to do this.''
Brittany tilts her head as Santana pauses again nervously biting her lip and raises an eyebrow. ''Do what exactly?''
Santana reaches up cupping her cheek and slowly leans in stopping as she feels Brittany's breath mingle with her own, she looks into Brittany's eyes knowing leaves taking the first step up to her if she is ready for it and smiles nervously. ''This.''