A/N: Hi guys! I'm sooooooooo sorry about the very long wait, but I'm finally back with part VI. I hope everyone is doing well and had a great holiday, despite the pandemic. Take care, stay safe, and please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I would've explored more of Slade's background in the show.

Trust Me

Part VI

Beast Boy

It takes me a full ten minutes before I am calm enough to leave my bedroom. My heart continues to pummel hard against my chest. I can feel my entire body tremble and the tears continue to stream down my face. I have only one mission on my mind right now: I have to see Raven.

I can't stop thinking about my dream as I venture down the hallway. A memory that I honestly wish I could forget. At the same time, the fact that I'm regaining memories gives me a sense of relief. However, I'm almost too afraid to remember anything else. I feel strong pain in my chest as if my heart was literally broken. Despite not knowing what Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire did to me, I recall the overwhelming feeling of betrayal and hurt that I felt the night I almost ended my life. The only thought I have right now to keep me sane is that I know that Raven will help me through this.

I stop in front of her door. I hesitate for a split second, but then remind myself that not only did she comfort me just hours before from my most recent meltdown, she also was the one who saved me from suicide. She cares about me. I knock firmly on her door.

Knock Knock

A moment later her door opens. Raven's hood is down and she looks slightly grumpy. Looks like I interrupted her meditating again. Oops. "WHAT do you-Beast Boy?" Her expression changes from annoyance to great concern. She obviously wasn't expecting me to be on the other side. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I struggle to get the words out. "I-I remember."

I can see hope in her violet eyes, though her pale face stays blank, like always. "You regained your memories? What do you remember?"

"I-I tried to commit suicide, but you intervened," I whisper. "Why Raven? Why did you stop me from ending my life?"

Raven gives me a sweet, yet nervous smile. "Because I love you, Garfield." Before I have the chance to react Raven grabs me by the front of my uniform and presses her lips passionately against mine.

My entire world explodes all at once. Her lips taste like sweet strawberries, and so very familiar. I close my eyes, concentrating on the smell of her lavender perfume. Images start flashing in my mind so fast I feel like I'm on a hyper-speed roller coaster. Memories flood me so fast that I'm starting to get a headache.

I remember the night of my suicide attempt vividly as if it just happened yesterday. It was the night of the carnival. I was going to say goodbye to Raven but chickened out at the last second. Raven tackled me to the ground after I pulled the trigger and stopped me just in time. I can feel her arms around me, holding me tight as I let out all my emotions. Then when the other Titans came home from the carnival she stood up for me when they put me down. She helped me stay strong. The most important thing I remember is what she said to me that night:

Beast Boy, if I had found you dead, i-if I didn't stop you, I would've lost everything.

I love you

It all makes sense now. Rachel was never a different girl I was dating. It has been Raven all along. That's why Rachel never came to see me; why Raven has been so kind and sweet to me. Another memory resurfaces in my mind.

Raven and I were at the park, walking down the sidewalk hand in hand. We just finished watching Wicked Scary II at the movie theater. We weren't ready to go back to the tower yet.

Raven looked at me, her indigo eyes open and honest. "Rachel. My real name is Rachel."

My heart pounds hard against my chest. I can feel the love I feel for the empath swell and consume me. Finally, something in my life feels real. Raven-Rachel-loves me, and I love her. I love her so deeply. Without hesitation, I pull Rachel fully into my arms and kiss her back. I can feel her heart pound against my chest. Her arms circle around my neck while my fingers get lost in her short, violet hair. I kiss her again and again, not wanting to stop. I can't believe that I forgot her.

We only pull away when air becomes a necessity. Tears are still streaming down my face, but this time, they are tears of joy. Rachel stares at me, hope still in her eyes. I smile, touching her cheek lightly. "Rachel," I whisper. "My Rachel."

She gives me the biggest smile I've ever seen. A tear of her own trickles down her face. "Welcome back, Garfield."

Her lips meet mine in another passionate kiss. All the anguish I was feeling moments ago has disappeared. Instead, I feel happy, truly happy. I may not have all my memories back, but I finally found my soulmate at long last.

After an hour of a furious make-out session, Rachel and I are lying on her bed. My arms are securely around her, her head resting on my chest. My eyes are closed as I stroke her bare arms with my fingers. This is the first time I've seen her in just her leotard. I can't believe I forgot how soft her skin is. She's truly beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

I have never been so happy in my entire life. I can feel her love envelop me like a warm blanket. It's a feeling I've missed. I'm not completely content, though, because of a question that keeps lingering in my mind. I don't want to, but I know I have to ask.

"Rachel," I say quietly, breaking the silence that has been between us the past half hour. "C-can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I love you with all my heart and I know you love me too. But Slade told me something last night about my past that really confuses me."

Rachel sits up fast. She stares at me with huge eyes. "You spoke to Slade last night? When?"

"Right after I left your room I went for a walk in the park and ran into him." I feel my heart racing and my palms are starting to sweat inside my gray gloves. "He told me you guys left me to bleed in the street after we battled him a couple of months ago." I touch my side. Even though the wound is covered by my uniform I can still feel the indention from the scar. "Why Rachel? Why would you do that to me?"

A look of realization appears on her face. After a moment she lets out a sigh. "Before your suicide attempt I knew that you were suffering, but I had no idea why. At the time I didn't know about the horrible things our teammates were doing to you. I tried so hard to help you, but you didn't trust me. You kept pushing me away.

During the battle with Slade, I saw one of his henchmen stab you. It was too much for my emotions to handle. I was losing control of my powers, so I transported back to the tower before the battle was over with the assumption that the others would take you back to the tower and treat your wound."

"But they didn't," I say sadly, thinking about Cyborg's admission from this morning.

"No. I found you still bleeding in your room later and healed you then. It's a good thing I came to check in on you too otherwise you would've bled to death." Her expression is pleading. "Believe me, Garfield, if I knew that our teammates were just going to abandon you like that I wouldn't have left your side. I-if I knew what they were doing to you I would've stopped it immediately."

I look deeply into her eyes. Even though I don't have all my memories back, I know Rachel. She would never lie to me. Not only that, she's been with me during my worst moments. I believe her. I sit up, tucking a strand of her violet hair behind her ear. "I do believe you, Rachel. Now that I remember our relationship I know that you would never lie to me." I let out a despondent sigh. "I remember how I felt the night I tried to kill myself. I was hurting so much as if I was in the deepest pit of despair and I couldn't get myself out. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg broke me down so much I didn't know myself anymore. I want so badly to remember what they did to me, but I so afraid of what I've forgotten." A sob escapes my throat, a tear escaping from my eyes. "I-I thought they were my friends."

"They were really cruel to you," Rachel admits. "Each one of them did and said things that no one deserves. You especially didn't deserve it." A tear of her own falls down her cheek. "I wish with all my heart that none of it happened, but unfortunately I don't have the power to change the past."

"Tell me," I urge her. "Please."

Out of nowhere my stomach rumbles. I had forgotten that I haven't eaten all day and it's almost six PM. "Why don't we get some pizza first to celebrate the positive memories you've gained," she suggests, grabbing her discarded blue cloak from off the floor. "Then I'll tell you everything when we get back. I promise."

I smile at my beautiful girlfriend. She's right. The truth can wait. Right now all I want to do is spend as much time with her as I can. "With you, Rachel, I'll go anywhere."

Raven

A couple of hours later Garfield and I return to the tower. Normally we would've just transported back to my room, but instead, we took the elevator. My emotions are still overwhelmed by everything that I feel my powers waning. I need to gather my strength before I do any more magic. Besides, this will give us the opportunity to spend more time together.

Garfield and I had a great time eating pizza and talking, not to mention stealing several kisses. I filled him in on the positive things that happened the past six months, such as our bonding moment during the incident with Malchior. I told him about the various villains we faced, our moment watching the moon together after Cyborg gave him the antidote. I also filled him in on rescuing him from Slade and our time together in the hospital and afterward. The only thing I didn't tell him was our plans to leave for Africa. I want him to remember that on his own and to be truly ready for such a life-changing event.

The kitchen and living room is empty when we reach the top floor. That is surprising since it's nearly eight o'clock at night. Where is everyone? Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm too busy trying to figure out a way to tell Garfield the truth. I don't want to hurt him, but that might be inevitable. I clutch onto his hand tightly. It feels so good to have my hand in his. It's one of the many things I've missed since Garfield lost his memory.

We stop walking when we turn the corner. Starfire is standing outside Garfield's door. A bowl is in her arms, ironically the same bowl she was clutching the last time she checked on our green teammate. She's knocking on the door. Now that it's been a couple of hours later she must think he is still locked in his room. Even from a distance, I can feel her emotions. Emotions of extreme nervousness and very slight hope.

Knock Knock

"Friend Beast Boy, it is Starfire. You have not emerged from your dwellings all day. Please come out. I wish to listen to your joke of the day."

"Sorry Starfire," Garfield says from beside me. His tone is monotone, yet there's a slight hint of nervousness in his words. "But I'm not in the mood to tell jokes today."

The alien turns to face us. Her face brightens up slightly when she sees us together. "Oh, friends! I am elated that you are doing the dating again!"

"Thanks," I respond shortly.

We are about to pass her when she speaks again. "Wait, Friend Beast Boy, may I speak with you. There is something I need to tell you."

Garfield hesitates. It's obvious that talking to the alien is the last thing he wants to do right now. "Not now, Starfire," I say in my usual monotone, yet with an edge of firmness in my voice.

Usually, Starfire backs down when I give her the glare that I'm giving her right now. Not this time. Instead, her eyes are glowing green. "No, Raven, I am going to tell Beast Boy the truth and not even you are going to stop me!" Before I have the chance to interject, she turns her attention to my green boyfriend. "Beast Boy, I owe you an apology. I was not a good friend to you. I lied to you, hurt you, and said things that I did not mean. I-I do not think you are less of use, and I am not afraid of you. You are one of my best friends. I am so sorry that I was not a good friend in return. I am sorry that my actions drove you to cut your arm. I hope that you are able to forgive me for hurting you so. I-If not, I understand."

I hesitantly glance at Garfield, unsure of how he's going to respond. His face has lost a shade of color, his green eyes are larger than usual. "I cut my own arm? B-because of you?"

Starfire hangs her head in shame. "Yes. I was a clorbag. I said terrible things to you and rejected you when you needed a friend. I am so sorry. "

"I-I thought you were my friend," he chokes out. "H-how could you do this to me?!" He pulls his hand sharply from my grip and runs down the hall and out of sight.

"Nice going," I tell Starfire coldly. Without another word, I follow Garfield down the hall. It's time to do some damage control. I struggle to keep my own emotions under control. It isn't easy. I'm even more afraid to tell him the truth about his past. If he's falling apart now, how is he going to react when he learns everything else?

When I locate my boyfriend a minute later he's leaning against the wall next to my door. His body is completely rigid, and his eyes shut tightly. "Are you all right?" I ask gently.

He doesn't answer. I sigh. I hate seeing him so upset. I can't withhold the truth from him any longer, but I am still struggling to gather my courage. There has to be a better way. Then it hits me.

With a wave of my hand, a brown leather book appears in my hands. His journal. My heart pounds in my chest in anxiety. "Gar, I know you're thinking about what Starfire said. I want to tell you everything. You deserve to know what happened. However, everything that I know is from what you told me while you were in the hospital. I wasn't actually there when the terrible events occurred. To find the answers you seek, I think this will help you better than I can."

Slowly he opens his eyes. He recognizes the book immediately. "You were the one who took my journal?!" I wince, hearing the slight anger in his voice. "How could you do that to me, Rachel?! I've been going out of my mind looking for it!"

"I was trying to protect you from the truth," I answer quietly. "When you first lost your memories you were back to normal. You were back to telling jokes and being cheerful. You were happy. I wanted you to stay that way, even if it meant you didn't remember me or our relationship. I know that it was wrong of me to keep this from you. I'm sorry." He takes the journal from my hands. I can feel his emotions mixed with anger and immense relief. Also, a sense of desperation to know the truth. "Please forgive me."

He holds the book to his chest, closing his eyes. The expression on his face is of utter relief as if he has just been reunited with a long lost friend. "I've been looking everywhere for this. Not just because it contains my memories, but because it's the only way I can express my true self."

After a long moment, he opens his eyes and focuses his attention on me. I'm relieved to see the anger is gone from his face. "I really wish you had given this to me sooner, but I understand why you took it. It means a lot to me that you are trying to protect me, but I'm ready for the truth and I need it. Otherwise, I'll go crazy."

"S-so you're not mad?" I ask.

He smiles, showing his trademark fang that I love so much. "I could never be mad at you, Rach."

Still clutching onto his journal, his arms wrap around me. He kisses me tenderly, making me melt. I close my eyes and mentally prepare myself. Whether he likes it or not I'm going to be there when he reads his journal. When he learns what Cyborg and Robin did to him, he's going to need all the love and support I can give.

Beast Boy

In a matter of seconds, I'm back in my bedroom. I stare at the leather-bound book that is clutched tightly in my hands. My journal. This is it. This book holds the answers I've been looking for. My heart thuds hard against my chest. I'm terrified to learn what really happened, but I need to know.

I glance at Rachel from the corner of my eye. She's floating in the air in the middle of the room, meditating. She insisted to be with me while I read my journal. I have no objection.

Taking a deep breath, I open the journal. I decide that the best thing to do is to start from the last date I remember. June 1st- The season premiere of Clash of the Planets.

For the most part, I don't notice anything different in my journal entries. Most of the entries are the same. I'd talk about my day, then end it with all the negative emotions that plagued me. With all the negative thoughts out of my mind, I could continue to act like the idiotic, cheerful joker that I pretend to be.

It's not until I reach near the end of October when an unusual entry catches my attention.

October 26

Today has been the absolute worst! Normally I'm an easy-going guy who always tries to put on a positive front. Not today. In fact, I've never felt so angry in my life. Actually, angry might not be the best word. More like enraged.

I am so sick and tired of the way I'm being treated. And I'm not just talking about the villains who put me down during battle like Adonis did last night. It seems that no matter how hard I try to be as good as my teammates they always push me around and treat me like I'm too stupid to understand anything. I'm not stupid. I'm a lot smarter than they give me credit.

For years I've been trying to tell myself that they are my friends, that they would do anything for me, but if I'm honest with myself, I know how they truly feel about me. Despite showing my aggressive side against Adonis last night, they still think I'm weak.

What infuriates me the most is that nobody ever takes my side. Raven was such a jerk to me tonight. She gave me such an attitude that I just snapped. I finally stood up for myself. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg took her side! Like always. If I was brave enough I would've shown them all that I am not someone to be messed with-even if I had to tear them to shreds. I love Raven, but man she infuriates me sometimes! Miss Know it all!

The anger is getting to be too much. I need to smash some things.

I read the entry a couple of times, trying to remember. I've written angry entries before, especially when the other Titans make fun of me or don't take me seriously, but never have I written an entry with this degree of anger. If I didn't recognize my own handwriting I'd think someone else wrote it. Rachel told me that the name of the robot suited man was Adonis. This must have been when all this started. Eager to learn more I continue on to the next entry.

October 28

I'm sorry that I didn't write yesterday. I had a really rough night and honestly, I don't remember much of it. I wish with all my being I could remember. Then I could apologize to my friends for being such a jerk. Not only did I act like a jerk to them without meaning to, but I also attacked them without knowing.

It turns out that the green chemicals that I got doused with while battling Adonis unlocked a part of my powers that I was unaware of. I'm scared to admit this to myself, or anyone else, but I have a beast inside me. When I get too angry he takes full control of my body and my mind. My teammates told me that last night I did serious damage to the city and attacked Raven. Just the thought makes me physically sick. Of all the people I know, she's the last person I'd ever want to hurt.

Cyborg made me an antidote to help me control it, but I can still feel the Beast inside me strongly as if he's my evil twin. I hope with every inch of my being that the antidote works and I won't have any more episodes like last night. More importantly, I hope that my teammates know that I didn't mean all the things I said and did when I was under the influence of the chemicals. I was such a jerk. I tried apologizing to them after dinner, but they ignored me. I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm sure they will forgive me once they realize that I'm back to normal.

Yet something happened a couple of hours ago that is giving me doubts. I'm not sure why, but despite taking the antidote, Robin still doesn't trust me. In fact, he did something to me that he's never done before. He actually accused me of attacking everyone on purpose. Not only that, he put his hands on me and slammed me hard against the wall. If Raven hadn't come by when she did I'm sure he would've punched me in the face. I don't know what hurts more: the fact that Robin is acting like I'm his enemy or that he was actually willing to harm me. I think I'm going to stay out of his way for a while until things go back to normal.

To end this entry on a positive note I have to talk about the romantic moment Raven and I shared. After defending me from Robin she found me by the water and comforted me. I can't tell you how relieved I feel knowing that I didn't hurt her after all. Instead, I saved her life. If I had actually hurt her I wouldn't be able to live with myself. She made me feel so much better about the situation. The fact that our talk was under the moonlight made it even more romantic. God, I love her so much. I hope that someday soon I'll have the courage to tell her how I feel.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a much better day.

I pull my attention away from my journal slightly to smile at my girlfriend who is still meditating beside me, her hood down. It's so like her to comfort me when I'm down. That's one of many things I love about her. "You're so cute when you come to cheer me up. Especially under the moonlight."

Rachel doesn't open her eyes but I can see the distinct smile on her face. I turn my attention back to my journal.

The smile on my face doesn't last long. The more entries I read, the more upset I'm starting to become. I already can feel my throat tighten and my eyes burning. I think I'm going to be sick. A few excerpts from later entries stand out like a sore thumb.

The worst part of all, she lied to my face

I know he'll never forgive me now since I got orange paint all over his car

I want to believe that what I'm reading is just fiction. Starfire isn't the type of person who would lie-especially to her friends. At the same time, reading this confirms what she told me earlier. What I find more unbelievable is that Cyborg acted so cold towards me. He's my best friend. I used to be able to go to him anytime I needed advice or comfort.

I can't deny that we hurt you and treated you in a way you didn't deserve

Forcing myself to be strong I continue. My resolve doesn't last long when I read the next entry. Involuntary tears silently fall down my face when I read about what happened during the battle with Slade. So it was my fault that I got stabbed. I wasn't paying attention, like always. What hurts the most is the truth behind my teammates' reactions to me being injured. Not only did they leave me to bleed on the street as Slade said, but they also said horrible and cruel things to me. The words I remembered during our battle with Cinderblock ring in my head.

Stupid, less of use, jerk, worthless

So this is was the moment when I decided to kill myself. I don't want to read another entry, but I can't seem to be able to stop myself. My soul is hungry for more, even if it destroys me in the end. I HAVE to know everything.

It gets harder and harder to continue reading the more entries I go through. Knowing Robin for as long as I have I'm not surprised he kicked me off a mission, or wouldn't let me train. He always thought I was not serious enough. Instead, I'm more surprised and hurt when I read more in detail about my interactions with Starfire. What she told me was true after all. She did shun me to the point where I cut myself. The truth is worse than I can possibly imagine. No wonder Rachel wanted to keep this from me. Choking back a sob I force myself to continue.

When I finish the entry on November 6th I feel my entire world crash down around me. T-this has to be a trick-this can't be real. Cyborg wouldn't do that to me. He would never stoop that low.

Sobs escape my throat. That's why Cyborg has been making me meals every morning-why he refuses to eat meat in front of me. It wasn't to make me feel better. It was because he was trying to right a wrong, and not just any wrong. He didn't just betray me in the worst way- he completely crushed me.

I caught Cyborg dumping my tofu down the sink. All of it.

I can't take it anymore. I close my journal and throw it as far away from me as possible. I lean against the back of the lower bunk of my bed, my body shaking violently as the multitude of sobs escape my small form. Rachel was right to keep this from me. I wish with every inch of my being that I could forget what I just learned.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Garfield," Rachel says sadly, tears of her own falling. She's feeling my pain. Her arms wrap around me and she holds me tight. I clutch onto her for dear life, sobbing hysterically into her shoulder. Even though she is here to comfort me, my chest burns as if my heart is literally breaking. The anguish is consuming me fast all I can think about is how badly I wish that I was successful in my suicide attempt. I don't want to live anymore.

To be continued...