Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor any of the characters created by them.
Warnings: Rape, OOC and will become Sasu-Naru.
Living a Lie
Chapter Seven
Naruto awoke bleary-eyed and tired. He had been tossing about all night trying to get comfortable, but though the bed was soft and warm, he felt cold and alone and he couldn't relax. "Sasukeee…" He mewled, pitifully groping for the Uchiha. Not even half awake, he searched the bed tiredly for his companion, but to no avail, and mewled again, "Sasuke?"
Leaning further in search of the boy, he tumbled off the bedside in a heap of blankets and let out a soft surprised yelp. After a couple minutes of fighting tiredly with the bedding, Naruto stood up on wobbly felt and stumbled towards the door. Sasuke's distinct scent reached his nostrils and too tired to contemplate on why he could smell the boy, he fumbled with the door and looked out into the hall.
He breathed deep of the scent of wind and wood and stared into the room across from his. The door was open and the scent was stronger through there. Squinting at the pale figure asleep in the bed, Naruto tiredly walked to the bedside, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He hoisted his lithe body onto the bed clumsily and crawled over to Sasuke's sleeping form.
He immediately melded into Sasuke's body, his head resting on the pale chest and his knees curled up against Sasuke's thigh as his hands gripped the sheets lying around Sasuke's torso. He breathed in Sasuke's scent again and snuggled closer, feeling at once more comfortable and warm. The dark boy always made him feel safe and in his current state of mind, he decided a Sasuke pillow was much more comfortable than any pillow in his room. He let out a content sigh that almost sounded like a name, "Sasuke."
Obsidian eyes opened at the whisper of his name and he immediately noticed the difference in his bed. Something was against his right side, something warm, small and alive. Sasuke finally looked down at the bundle next to him and his eyes widened in surprise at seeing Naruto curled up next to him, sleeping peacefully. He shifted to look at the time and heard the protesting whimper as Naruto pushed closer to him, not wanting to lose his pillow.
Sasuke let out a groan, it was four in the morning and he was now wide awake. He doubted he would be able to sleep again after finding Naruto in his bed sleeping next to him as if it were natural. The squirming blonde settled again once Sasuke leaned back into the bed and he gave an exasperated sigh, muttering as he pulled Naruto up to rest on his shoulder, but a smile graced his lips.
Immediately, Naruto's arms left the blankets and wrapped around Sasuke and his head settled under Sasuke's chin.
"Naruto." He growled, but the blonde didn't hear him and Sasuke knew he wasn't getting away from him. Instead he wrapped an arm loosely his shoulders and tried to get comfortable. Naruto let out another protesting whimper, thinking Sasuke was trying to leave, and tightened his grip. "I'm not going anywhere, dobe." He muttered and rubbed the blonde's shoulder soothingly, reassuring him of his presence.
He stared out the window, not really thinking of anything in particular, and watched as the stars and moon faded and the sun shed light on everything before it. His thoughts turned back to Naruto as the sun continued to rise, and he stole a glance at the boy, yet that glance lengthened into a stare. He was surprised to see that though Naruto's breathing was relaxed and slow, a frown could be seen upon his face and he was moving more into Sasuke's embrace. For the last hour, Sasuke had noticed the blonde's slow tightening grip and he knew there would be bruises all across his waist in the morning. Who knew the dobe could have so much strength? He smirked and then gasped when Naruto once more held him tighter, though now he was burying his fingernails into his flesh as well as suffocating him.
Sasuke found it disturbing that the blonde boy was obviously experiencing a violent nightmare, but even more disturbing for him was that the blonde was having a nightmare. It never occurred to him that Naruto, a being made of joy and innocence, could have nightmares. Yet once more, he was uneasy with his own emotions welling inside him. He was concerned for Naruto, he was concerned with the demons he fought in his dreams and even more concerned because he knew there was nothing he could do to help Naruto. He couldn't enter his dreams and fight by his side, comfort him, hold him like he had been on the outside and it pained him. It pained him to see Naruto in such distress that he would whimper and moan and sometimes even cry in his sleep.
Ignoring the restricting grip, Sasuke looked back outside and tried to take his mind off of the blonde, but as he watched the sun continue to rise in the east, he found his thoughts wandering back to Naruto. He really is made of sunlight, he chuckled. Naruto, if he knew it or not, shed light upon all who saw him and he was a constant in everyone's lives, always there and always cheerful. He lit up anyone's day, even if they refused to admit it as Sasuke had, and one of his smiles had whoever received it smiling for days after. His smiles, his energy, his radiance, his essence was an addiction and once caught, it spread like wildfire.
Absentmindedly, Sasuke began to stroke Naruto's shoulder and then his arm and then his hair. Petting him like he was some dog, but the purr erupting from Naruto's lips in a soft whisper had Sasuke keeping his hand there. He teased the back of his neck ever so slightly, just letting his fingertips brush against the nape of his neck and then moved two of his fingers down his spine. Everywhere his fingers danced, Naruto responded with a groan, purr or moan and his skin became taunt as his fingers ran back up again.
He looked at the blonde again and was pleased to see the frown had disappeared from Naruto's lips and was replaced by a light smile. Sasuke smiled back down at him and then returned his gaze to the open window. He wouldn't want the chunin to freeze, right? He pulled the blonde closer and then draped a loose blanket over both of them to keep them warm.
Sasuke continued to stare out the window, watching the sun rise and the people of Konoha awaken to start the day. Not many people traveled passed his house, but travelers from other villages would pass by and in the early morning hours, vendors and other merchants passed his house regularly. He watched them with some curiosity, but for the most part found it boring and trying. Already the clock next to him showed seven a.m. and usually he was already up and training, or at least warming up.
Instead, he was still lounging in bed with bruises and other marks across his skin from Naruto's insistent grip and nails. Yet he found he didn't really mind as long as he could continue holding Naruto next to him and keep him relaxed. He didn't need the blonde dobe hurting himself even more than he already was and he really didn't need the headache that was certain to follow.
"I never thought that Uchiha Sasuke would take advantage of a sick and injured boy!" A cheerful voice said. "Yo."
Sasuke looked across the room to where his former sensei perched on the window frame. He narrowed his eyes and snapped, "He came into my room and got into my bed after I was already asleep."
His eyes crinkled and he cocked his head, "Oh?"
"If anyone's being taken advantage of, it's me. I'm slowly being squeezed to death." He sighed and tried to shift some, but winced when tan arms contracted and a small whimper could be heard. Sasuke muttered something in reply, but looked over at his silver haired companion. "What are you doing here, Kakashi-sensei?"
He acted hurt, but was grinning underneath his mask. "I can't check up on my team? I'm hurt, Sasu-chan!" The dark glare he received from the young chunin was more rewarding than he had thought. "What's wrong with wanting to make sure you two were okay?"
"Ever heard of a door?" Sasuke asked dryly.
"A what?"
"Precisely." He sighed, "Naruto, let go." He whispered, but the blonde ignored him. He slowly pried Naruto's fingers apart and attached his right hand to the blankets while he slid out of the bed. Naruto groped after him, his face confused and protesting, but Sasuke shoved his pillow next to the blonde and watched as he snuggled up next to it. "I can't do this for a week." He grimaced, wincing at the throbbing bruises on his chest.
"Is there something going on here that I should know about?" Kakashi asked and Sasuke swore he could feel the grin behind the mask.
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "No, why?"
"Because one, Naruto and you are in the same room and even more so in the same bed, and two, you're naked."
Sasuke felt his face turn red with anger and embarrassment. "Get. Out. Of. My. Room." He growled through clenched teeth. No decency, no idea of courtesy for anyone, not even people in their own homes.
"But this is fun!"
"Pervert." He muttered as he pulled a sheet off the bed and wrapped it around his waist. Hell if he was going to give Kakashi the satisfaction of seeing him naked. "Again, Kakashi-sensei, why are you here? I know it's not for you to check up on us." He asked as he pulled up a pair of boxers before dropping the sheet. He then slowly walked over to his closet and pulled out his normal uniform for the day. Dark navy blue like his genin uniform, but with black shorts or pants and a chunin vest. He strapped his holster into place and then carefully wrapped his shins and forearms as he had done every morning. Yet the only difference was the increasing discomfort of so many bruises along his chest rubbing against the fabric of his vest.
"Damn Naruto, do you have to have a dead lock for a grip?" He muttered under his breath.
"So, I see you two haven't killed each other yet." Kakashi said, now sitting next to the blonde. Sasuke first noticed that Kakashi had pulled up his head protector and was now looking at Naruto with both eyes and he was about to say something to get him away from Naruto, but then he noticed Kakashi was holding his hand gently.
"No, we haven't." Sasuke answered in the same soft, serious tone.
"Hokage-sama sent me here because she wants to speak with you and Naruto about your mission, but I'm warning you Sasuke, this won't be easy even if it's just a cover up. You'll both be given the rank of jounin…"
Sasuke startled, his mouth slightly open when he heard those words. "Jounin? We'll be given jounin status without taking the exams?"
He sighed, "Yes. By skill and knowledge, both of you are already skilled enough to be seen as higher jounin, not elite, but definitely above average and the only reason you haven't been given jounin rank is because…" He paused and rubbed the blonde spikes affectionately. "You would've been given jounin rank two years ago Sasuke, if I hadn't asked them not to. Actually they were thinking about it three years ago when you first returned, after you killed Itachi, they pushed for you to be promoted to jounin."
"They would make me a jounin at the age of fifteen?" He asked in awe before suddenly getting angry, "Why did you stop them?"
"Because I knew you didn't have enough experience at the age of fifteen no matter how great a genius you may be and also because…they wouldn't let Naruto join the ranks of jounin even though you two are almost evenly matched. I told them that if you became a jounin, then Naruto should also be given the rank that fits his power, but the villagers and elders wouldn't hear of it." His hand bunched into a fist on his knee as he continued to stare at Naruto, "They were never going to let him become a jounin, Sasuke, never."
"All because of the Kyuubi?" Sasuke asked, anger laced through his voice.
"Yes, all because they can't see past the demon inside him."
"He's notta demon." A mumbled voice growled and the two men both looked down at the blonde bundle now pushing away the blankets.
Kakashi removed his hand, "Naruto?"
"Don't call him a demon, he's not a demon." Clear blue eyes opened and scanned the room with mild alarm. "W-where am I? This isn't the hospital."
"Yo!" He greeted before informing him, a little too cheerfully, "You're in Sasuke's house, more specifically his room."
Naruto frowned, remembering snippets of his dream, or what he had thought to be a dream, and then looked at Sasuke. "I'm sorry."
Both men stared at the blonde, Naruto apologizing was about as rare as getting Sasuke to even think about smiling. "What for?" Sasuke finally asked.
"I thought it was just a dream, so I ignored you…at least what I remember you saying." He threw back the covers and began to slide out of the bed, but Kakashi pushed him back down.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I just want to get up." He lied. In reality, he wanted to get away from them; he didn't want to be near anyone even if in his sleep hazed moments all he wanted was to be near someone. Even Kakashi's light touch caused him to flinch and he wondered how he had dealt with lying next to Sasuke all night long. Or how Sasuke did…
"No. You're still healing and the Kyuubi doesn't even have close to the amount of chakra he needs to keep you healthy. You'll only hurt yourself and Kyuubi more by moving around so suddenly."
"But—"
"No." Kakashi ordered, "Stay in bed."
"Dobe, I agree." Sasuke said, "It's better to be on the safe side than have you in the hospital again."
Naruto sighed, he wanted to stay in bed forever, but he couldn't stay around them. Yet he firmly put his mask back in place and cocked his head expectantly. "Will you get me ramen?"
Kakashi pulled his head protector back over his left eye as he stood up. "Hai." He whispered and then disappeared.
"He shouldn't have done that." Naruto whispered, staring out the window.
"Done what, dobe?"
"Refuse to let you become a jounin. You deserve it."
Sasuke stared at the broken blonde and then said, "So do you."
He shrugged, "It no longer matters."
"Why?"
"Because I gave up on my dreams long ago…years ago. I knew they would never let me succeed the rank of jounin and there was never a chance for me to be Hokage." He looked over at his rival and friend, "A dream is just a dream. It's something that is unattainable and one can only wish for. Why have dreams if they can never be reached?"
"Dreams can be attained. Doing the impossible is what life is about."
Tears began to well up in his azure eyes, "You must hate me so much."
"What? Why?" Sasuke asked, surprised by the sudden change in emotions. He slowly sat down at Naruto's feet and watched the blonde curiously.
"Because of me you're not a jounin. You'd have been a jounin long ago and probably be a captain in the Anbu if…if not for me."
"Naruto, that's not true."
"But they'll never make me a jounin and Kakashi-sensei refuses to let you be a jounin without me…" Tears ran down his face unchecked and he was trembling, waiting for Sasuke to push him away and curse him for doing this to him.
Yet Sasuke didn't do any of that, instead he said quietly, "I don't want to be a jounin when my only equal is refused the same privilege." Blue eyes looked up at him in surprise. "If you're not a jounin, then I'll refuse. I won't stand for it because you're not the fox and Kyuubi isn't the demon people believe."
"You'd refuse for me? B-but what about joining the Anbu?"
"What about it?" He shrugged, "I'll refuse as long as you're denied what should be yours."
"Why?" Naruto asked almost inaudibly.
"Because you're my friend—my best friend—and it's wrong. It's wrong what they've been doing to you for your entire life."
"But Sasuke…"
"I'll stay a chunin as long as you are. I know we're both already past the level of a regular jounin, hell Naruto, we've already had more S-class missions than most jounin our age, and if they're not going to look past your seal then I'm not going to accept the position."
Tears poured down even more, but Naruto smiled through his tears. "No one has ever said that to me…made me feel important. Only Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, Ero-senin and Tsunade-baa-baa ever looked past Kyuubi, but they've never said…said anything like this."
Sasuke smirked and lightly patted Naruto's leg, but immediately pulled back when Naruto pulled his knees up in fear. "…I'm sorry." But Naruto's thoughts were elsewhere now, his eyes trained on the mark on Sasuke's neck. He bit his lip and looked away quickly when Sasuke found him staring.
"Sasuke," Naruto said, his voice low and serious. His eyes were downcast and he was twisting the blankets tightly. "Sasuke," he repeated, "does it ever bother you? The curse seal?"
"Orochimaru is dead and though the mark's still there, no, it doesn't bother me anymore. It's just a tattoo now." Sasuke shrugged.
"Oh."
A strange looked passed through his eyes, but Sasuke caught it. "Why?"
He looked down at his hands, "Because it's my fault you received that in the first place. If only I hadn't been acting so stupid, maybe all of this never would've happened."
"Dobe—"
"No, it's true. I just acted like a total idiot and put everyone in danger because of my insecurity and I almost killed everyone…there were so many times I should've acted serious, but instead I was afraid of everyone seeing me and just acted like a dobe." He was rambling now and the blankets were being wrung in his hands. "You don't see it, do you Sasuke? Everything bad that has ever happened to Konoha is my fault, be it directly or indirectly, it's always my fault."
"Naruto, you couldn't have done anything." Sasuke said softly. He had never seen the blonde like this, he never blamed himself, it was always someone else and yet he was taking the blame for his own mistakes as well as everyone else's. He just took the blame for every disaster Konoha has ever experienced and even his own stupidity for trusting Orochimaru.
"But I could've, Sasuke, I could've. I should've listened to Kyuubi, I should've listened to you, I should've listened to Kakashi-sensei, I should've worked harder, trained harder and stopped acting like everything in the world was great because it wasn't. If only I was stronger or more dedicated or—"
"Stop it!" Sasuke yelled, towering over the blonde. "Stop blaming yourself right now!"
"I-I'm sorry…" Naruto whispered, terror coming over him as he looked up into Sasuke's dark eyes. "I'm sorry, I won't do it again…I won't…I promise, I won't do it again, just don't hurt me."
Sasuke collapsed next to the blonde and saw how Naruto shifted away from him, scared to touch him. He hadn't meant to cause him pain or fear and spoke softly, trying to calm him. "Naruto…for almost nine years my life was consumed by the same thoughts you are having." He paused and then opened a little of himself to the blonde. "When my parents were killed, I kept saying if only I was stronger, if only I trained harder, came home a couple minutes earlier, saw the signs before it ever happened and so many others that it's all I ever thought about. I became so obsessed with killing my brother that all I ever did was train to try and become stronger than him, but Naruto, because of that train of thought, I became cold and unemotional. I took the blame for my entire clan being massacred upon myself because I couldn't stop Itachi from murdering them. Naruto, there was nothing I could have done and there was nothing you could've done."
"But—"
"No. Don't blame yourself because it's not true. We can only try our best and our best will have to be good enough. You did what you thought was right and no one can blame you for that."
Naruto kept staring at his hands. "But…I am weak." He whispered, "I couldn't even stop a couple of jounin from…from hurting me." He hated himself even more for being too weak to even say the word and refused to meet Sasuke's eyes, certain the same disgust he felt would be reflected there. "I-I'm wrong now, I'm unclean a-and weak and I can't do anything—"
Sasuke didn't know what to do. Naruto was near breaking and he was at a loss for words. He'd been alone since he was seven; he didn't have someone show him how to comfort or give support. But he tried and grabbed Naruto in a tight hug. Yet the blonde just shook more and became tense and unmoving.
He almost immediately pulled back, seeing his idea of comfort wasn't helping, but instead was making Naruto worse. He looked down at the blonde and felt a pang of guilt run through him. Naruto had his eyes tightly shut, holding tears back, his hands wound around the blankets and his body shaking with fear and dread.
"Naruto." He called and the blonde flinched. "Naruto, look at me…please." His voice soft, but demanding and slowly, Naruto opened his eyes and fearfully looked at Sasuke as told. The black haired prodigy stood next to him, but kept his hands clasped behind his back. "Naruto, I won't hurt you, I won't even touch you unless you want me to, okay? I promise."
Naruto dropped his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chin. Tears began to fall and he buried his face in his knees and arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He began chanting while Sasuke could only watch.
"I'm back with food!" Kakashi called happily, but his expression dropped when he saw Naruto. He began to move towards the bed, but Sasuke stopped him with a shake of his head and Kakashi understood immediately. So both men stood and quietly watched Naruto until he was finally in control of his emotions.
"Did you say food?" He asked, smiling, but they all knew it was only a front.
Kakashi smiled and sat down at the edge of the bed, certain not to crowd him, and handed Naruto a brown bag. "There you go."
Naruto happily removed the food, but his face faltered when he saw a mixture of scrambled eggs, rice and toast. "This isn't ramen."
"You're recovering Naruto; you need foods other than ramen."
"But—"
"No, you're going to eat this and Sasuke's going to make sure of it." Kakashi said and then stood up. "Well, I've got some missions to run for Hokage, but I'll see you two before you leave."
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called and then slightly bowed his head. "Thank you."
He smiled and then disappeared.
"Eat dobe, I'll be right back." Sasuke said and then walked to the kitchen to make his own breakfast. He wasn't surprised when he saw Kakashi already seated at the table reading his little orange book.
"How is he?"
"Worse." Sasuke sighed. "He's blaming himself for everything."
"Everything?"
"Yeah, he said somehow everything that has ever happened to Konoha is his fault. Because of the Kyuubi."
Kakashi shook his head, "What do you plan to accomplish on this mission of yours?"
"I want him to live freely." He whispered as he began cooking some miso soup. "He's shunned here and I want him to feel alive again."
"Do you think it'll work?"
"Hn."
"You do know that usually you two are at each other's throats…"
"Hn."
"And you'll most likely always be arguing…"
"Hn
"And you're back to normal." Kakashi smiled while Sasuke glared at him over his shoulder.
"Don't you have some other student to annoy?"
"And miss the fun of having a conversation with a wall?" Sasuke only intensified his glare and Kakashi chuckled. "I'm going." Seconds later, Sasuke found himself alone in the kitchen.
"I am not a wall." He growled.
Dhampir
Page 9
1/27/2005