Author's Note: Have you ever seen The Looney Toons called "Duck Amuck?" Where the artist messes with Daffy Duck, and Daffy is not too happy about it, eventually yelling at the artist? Well, there's a tiny bit of that in here where Angela and Sweets, to varying degrees, are Daffy. And Brennan is the artist (who, if I remember correctly, is actually Bugs). Because, after all, if this is Brennan's peyote dream... she is the one in charge.

INT. BONE ROOM - JEFFERSONIAN - MIDDAY

Brennan is in the bright white bone room, examining some
skeletal remains. Booth stands in the room, watching her and
leaning against the wall. He spins his lighter between his
thumb and index finger.

BOOTH
Anything?

BRENNAN
Nothing more than when you asked me
thirty seconds ago.

BOOTH
Is that your way of telling me I
should leave?

BRENNAN
No... I like having you here. I'd just
like it more if you were... silent.

BOOTH
Funny, that's not what I remember from
last night.

She scoffs, but smiles to herself. She tries for
a reproachful look, but it falls short.

Booth's phone chimes. A text. He reads it.

BOOTH
Hm. They picked up the cat burglar we
were looking for. I'll head over and
see what I can get out of him.

BRENNAN
Would you like me to go with you?

BOOTH
Like it? Yeah. Need it? Nah. I'll pull |
Sweets in for the interrogation. You
just keep doing what you're doing here and-

BRENNAN
I'll let you know if I find anything pertinent.

She turns her attention back to the bones.

BOOTH
Hey, Bones?

She looks back up.

BOOTH
Got any interest in coming by my place
tonight?

BRENNAN
Yes, quite a bit.

From the doorway, Angela clears her throat as she enters.

BOOTH
Well, good, 'cause that movie ain't
going to watch itself. See ya tonight.

He heads for the door, giving Angela an innocent smile.

ANGELA
(to Booth)
What movie is that?

On his way out:

BOOTH
I don't know. Something Bones picked
out. She can tell you all about it.

Brennan can't even protest before he makes a quick escape.

BRENNAN
Did you finish the facial
reconstruction?

ANGELA
Oh... my God.

BRENNAN
Were the results that shocking?

ANGELA
Do you think this face has anything to
do with work?

Angela points at her own face. Brennan looks at Angela's
suspicious smile.

ANGELA
He's smitten, Brennan.

BRENNAN
Who?

ANGELA
Who? The man who's place you're going
to tonight to definitely not watch a
movie. That's who.

BRENNAN
You mean Booth.

ANGELA
Yes, sweetie, Booth. And stop playing
dumb. You're really not any good at it.

Brennan looks at her. She's trying not to give anything up.

ANGELA
Wait, hang on. You're smitten, too, aren't you?

BRENNAN
I don't know what that means.

ANGELA
It means... Booth and Brennan sitting
in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

BRENNAN
Well... there is k-i-s-s-i-n-g, but
it's mostly s-e-x.

Angela's jaw drops. She shakes her head as if to snap out of
it.

ANGELA
My head is going to explode. You two
are already having sex? Is that what
that was? You were setting up a booty
call?

A thought occurs to Brennan.

BRENNAN
Is the "call" part of that expression
a reference to the rendezvous itself?
Or the act of scheduling the
rendezvous?

ANGELA
God, who cares? You're focusing on the
call, but I'm still stuck on the booty.

Brennan chuckles at Angela's enthusiasm. Angela stares at
her.

ANGELA
Are we in some alternate reality or
something? Is this, like, the fan
fiction version of our lives? Or maybe
some drug-induced psychedelic trip?

BRENNAN
What's fan fiction?

ANGELA
Never mind. Just give me the scoop.
When did this happen? How did it
happen? Did you guys go for a moonlit
walk one night after work? Did he
finally declare his love for you-

BRENNAN
Oh, no, we are not in love.

ANGELA
And now we're back to reality.
Sweetie, what do you mean you're not
in love? You clearly are.

BRENNAN
Because we're having intercourse?

ANGELA
Among other things.

BRENNAN
That's just it. There are no other
things. We've decided to be friends
with benefits. Are you familiar
with the term?

ANGELA
Yeah, sweetie, I practically invented
that term, but that's not you guys.

BRENNAN
But it is. We agreed on the
arrangement.

ANGELA
Oh, you agreed on the arrangement.
Well, that makes it so, then.

BRENNAN
We have rules and we stick to them.

ANGELA
Yeah, is there a rule where you have
to look at each other all googly-eyed?

BRENNAN
No, that would be ridiculous.

ANGELA
Oh, that would be ridiculous?

BRENNAN
We have sex then I leave his place or
he leaves mine. That's it.

ANGELA
No snuggling?

BRENNAN
No. Intimacy like that leads to
feelings of attachment.

ANGELA
Attachment? Oh, you mean love?

Brennan sighs.

ANGELA
Let me just get this straight,
according to you. You and Booth work
together all day. Then, sometimes, you go
out socially. Just the two of you.

BRENNAN
Yes. We are partners... and friends.

ANGELA
And then you guys decided that all
that time just wasn't quite enough?
You needed even more time together?

BRENNAN
No. We decided we need sexual
intercourse as a means to work out
some of the stress of the day.

ANGELA
Uh huh. Okay. I don't even need the |
details on that made up excuse. You're
the one who came up with that, right?

BRENNAN
It was my suggestion, but Booth
agreed.

ANGELA
Oh, sweetie, of course he did. He
would do anything for you.

BRENNAN
That's what Sweets said.

ANGELA
(insulted)
Hold up. You told Sweets before you
told me?

BRENNAN
Not exactly. He caught us.

ANGELA
So did I. So will anyone else who sees
the two of you together.

BRENNAN
I thought we were being discreet.

Angela rolls her eyes, but lands on a smile.

ANGELA
Is it good?

BRENNAN
Is what good?

ANGELA
The s-e-x.

Brennan scoffs into a smile she can't hide, her cheeks
flushed.

ANGELA
We're spelling it and you're blushing?

Brennan looks back at her.

BRENNAN
Our physical compatibility is no surprise.

ANGELA
Physical compatibility? Let's not
forget about the years and years of
pent up sexual tension and
frustration. I mean, come on, the sex
must be like fireworks and symphonies and
chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream.

BRENNAN
Explosive, harmonious, satisfying?

ANGELA
Uh huh.

Brennan smiles again

BRENNAN
Yes. Those are accurate descriptors.

Angela scans her friend's face for a moment.

ANGELA
I want to ask you something,
rationality speaking. Is that cool?

BRENNAN
I would welcome that.

ANGELA
If you were actually in a relationship
with Booth, what would be different?

This takes Brennan off guard.

BRENNAN
Very little, rationally speaking. I
would probably be willing to sleep at
his place after intercourse. Perhaps
we would engage in some public
displays of affection. But, in
reality, nothing would be drastically
different.

ANGELA
Do you know what Booth would probably
say if I asked him the same question?

CUT TO:

INT. BOOTH'S OFFICE - FBI - DAY

BOOTH
Everything.

Booth sits at his desk. Sweets sits across from him.

BOOTH
Everything would change.

SWEETS
Such as?

BOOTH
You know I called you over here to
help me interrogate a suspect, right?

SWEETS
Yes, but they haven't brought him up
yet so... here we are.

Booth sighs and looks off, opening and closing his lighter.

BOOTH
Okay, well... if we were actually in a
real relationship, she wouldn't kick
me out after we... hook up. She'd let
me hold her and she'd fall asleep in
my arms and she'd wake up that way,
too... 'cause I wouldn't let her go.

Sweets smiles.

BOOTH
I'd take her out on actual dates, you
know? Not these friend outings where
we just dance around and around what's
really going on between us. And I'd
just... I'd reach out and hold her
hand every chance I got and I wouldn't
have to stop myself from saying I...
saying how I feel about her.

He takes a deep breath.

SWEETS
You hear yourself, right?

INT. BONE ROOM - JEFFERSONIAN - DAY

BRENNAN
No.

ANGELA
Honestly? You don't see how a real
relationship would change literally
everything for Booth?

BRENNAN
I don't see how a few hours of
sleeping in the same bed would have
any impact on him at all.

ANGELA
So why not give it to him? If it's no
big deal.

BRENNAN
Because... we have an arrangement.

ANGELA
You're very stubborn, you know that?

INT. BOOTH'S OFFICE - FBI - DAY

BOOTH
No.

SWEETS
Just tell her you want more.

BOOTH
No, man. You specifically told me not
to tell her that.

SWEETS
Since when do you listen to me?

Booth smiles to himself, proud of his rebellion... until he
thinks about it.

BOOTH
Wait, back then... were you trying to
trick me into telling her how I felt
by telling me not to tell her? Were
you reverse psychology-ing me? Hm?

Sweets' brow furrows as he tries to process that question.
He's got it.

SWEETS
Of course not. I wouldn't risk being
anything other than direct. Not in
matters of the heart. Especially this
one. It's near and dear to me.

BOOTH
Because of your book.

SWEETS
Because I'm rooting for you, Agent
Booth. I always have been. When I
showed you those PET scans and urged
caution, it was because I was
genuinely concerned your feelings
would fade. Clearly, I was incorrect.

BOOTH
But you also said Bones uses her
hyperrationality to cover her, you
know, vulnerable and sensitive core.

SWEETS
Yes.

BOOTH
I'm worried about hurting her, pushing
her. We got a good thing going here.

INT. BONE ROOM - JEFFERSONIAN - DAY

ANGELA
How could you possibly hurt him by
giving him what he wants?

BRENNAN
You don't actually know what he wants.

ANGELA
Yes, I do. And, somewhere deep down,
so do you. Obviously.

Angela gestures to the space around them, their very
existence here. Brennan ignores her.

BRENNAN
He seems quite happy with our current
arrangement.

ANGELA
Just because he likes all the milk, it
doesn't mean he doesn't want the cow.

BRENNAN
I don't know what that means. If a
person liked milk from a particular
cow, why wouldn't he want the cow?

ANGELA
Exactly, sweetie. And you're the cow.

BRENNAN
I'm confused by the juxtaposition of
your words, which sound like an
insult, and your tone, which sounds
more like you're paying me a
compliment.

ANGELA
I already told you not to play dumb.

INT. BOOTH'S OFFICE - FBI - DAY

BOOTH
I'm just trying to play it
smart. Follow her lead.

SWEETS
What she says she wants and the
subconscious that drives her could be
two very different things.

BOOTH
Bones doesn't believe in psychology.

SWEETS
It's not Santa Claus or organized
religion. Psychology doesn't require
anyone's belief to make it true.

BOOTH
Or not.

SWEETS
It just is.

BOOTH
Or isn't.

SWEETS
Agent Booth, if Dr. Brennan didn't
have at least some inkling that she
has these feelings and is perfectly
capable of falling in love with you...
(raising his voice)
Then why would either of us be here
having this conversation in the first
place?

He looks around the room pointedly then up, almost as if
talking to God. Booth narrows his eyes.

SWEETS
It's almost like this whole thing is
just so she can explore whether or not
she actually can make and accept the
necessary changes to be with you.

BOOTH
Uh... Sweets?

SWEETS
(louder)
But she has these feelings buried so
far down that she'll never admit them
on her own.
(yelling at the ceiling)
Unless he proves it to you, is that
it? Is that what you're hoping for
here? Is that what you're waiting for?
Because even in here, you won't let
him do it. Why is that? Why won't you
just give him a shot?!

BOOTH
(quiet, concerned)
Sweets...?

Sweets turns back to Booth.

BOOTH
Me and Bones sleeping together finally
make you crack or what?

Sweets straightens his tie.

SWEETS
I apologize, Agent Booth. It's just
that Dr. Brennan can be quite
infuriating sometimes.

INT. BONE ROOM - JEFFERSONIAN - DAY

Brennan stands with Angela, looking reprimanded.

BRENNAN
I know I'm being selfish.

ANGELA
I don't think you're selfish. I think
you're protecting yourself because
you're confused. And instead of
working through that confusion, you
just keep putting up more walls in this
crazy maze you're building from
your brain to your heart.

BRENNAN
Booth's way of getting through mazes
is just breaking down the walls.

ANGELA
Is that so bad, sweetie? Maybe you
should just break a few walls down
with him? And break a few rules while
you're at it.

BRENNAN
Break rules?

ANGELA
Yeah, you know, snuggle. Stay the
whole night. Find out what happens if
you stop keeping the friends and the
benefits as these two mutually
exclusive things. Mix them up and have
a taste. I think you'll love it. And him.

BRENNAN
You know, the walls and the rules...
the things you think I've put in place
to protect myself?

ANGELA
Yes...

BRENNAN
What if I'm not trying to protect
myself at all? What if I'm trying to
protect him?

ANGELA
From what?

BRENNAN
From me, Ange. I've never had a
relationship end well. I've pulled
away or pushed away. Or let them sail
away.

ANGELA
Sully was a low rent Booth. There, I
said it.

BRENNAN
And I've been very mean-

ANGELA
If this is about Pete, he deserved it.

BRENNAN
It's all of them. And I can't do that
to Booth. I can't. I...

ANGELA
Love him too much?

She looks down with no reply.

ANGELA
Listen... whether he needs it or not,
he doesn't want to be protected from
you, sweetie. Okay? He just wants a
shot.

BRENNAN
I don't know how to give him what he
wants.

ANGELA
All you have to do is take his lead.

INT. BOOTH'S OFFICE - FBI - DAY

BOOTH
No, okay? Cam said to let Bones take
the lead? I'm not pushing.

SWEETS
Then maybe you should guide her
instead.

Booth considers this.

FADE OUT