Chapter 16- Everything but love
Elizabeth did not know how long she stood there, staring at her husband. She could not gauge his thoughts.
He saw him look at her nightdress on the bed and gulped. She had no idea about the needs of a man in the marriage bed, apart from a vague outline her aunt had given her.
She leaned on to the dresser for support. It seemed like ages before he spoke.
"I wish I had attempted to have this conversation with you before. It would have spared my agony of visiting your room."
What? Your agony?
"I have honest principles in life, and I expect the same from people around me. Unfortunately, fate mocks at me by tying me up with someone who is a jarring contrast to me."
"You did not read my letter, did you?" Elizabeth asked in anger.
"Of course, I did. You merely stated the same things you said on that fateful night."
"I gave you an option to get out of the situation."
"How do you think I could? After being questioned by your mother and uncle for ruining your reputation, any honourable man would have done the same."
"Your sense of honour is indeed great, sir." Elizabeth said sarcastically.
"Do not use your sarcasm, madam. I am in no mood to be distracted by your charms like before."
"I know quite well what you think of me. Even before the compromise, I know you detested me. Do you think I am such a fool to plan to marry the man who hated me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was not tolerable enough to tempt you to dance with me. If I am right, that is what you said to Mr Bingley at the Meryton assembly?"
Darcy looked shocked. He does not even remember insulting me.
"I gave you a way out. To spare us from misery. You chose not to. You still do not believe me about the compromise. I was right. You lack sense."
Elizabeth knew she had gone too far.
Darcy looked white with anger. He took a step forward and looked extremely intimidating. Elizabeth stared at him fiercely.
"I do not know how you can talk about my lack of sense with a family like yours. Your mother just proved to me how incredibly happy your entire family is by trapping me."
"Yes, my mother is happy. I cannot deny that. But she did not orchestrate it, nor did I. I am tired of explaining myself to you. Your judgement is blinded by prejudice. "
"Yes, I believe in facts. I believe in the truth. You are unable to prove anything to me. The maid, being tricked about the horse, you have no explanation to anything."
"Yes, I am not required to have an explanation. I am a victim here as much as you are. I can see you will never accept that. If you think you are the only one unhappy with his marriage, then I only pity your understanding of the world."
"I understand you very well. You have secured your family a good fortune. You have a respectable position as Mrs Darcy, even if you do not deserve it."
"I never wanted to be Mrs Darcy."
"But here you are as the mistress of everything I own."
"You do not understand a thing about me."
"Listen to me, madam. I can never feel anything for you. I only see you as the person who trapped me into this unfortunate marriage. You are Mrs Darcy. I promise you I will treat you with respect, even if you do not deserve it. But you can never be my wife. We cannot have any relationship as a husband and wife."
Elizabeth stared at him in shock.
"Do you...I mean, don't you need an heir?"
"If I had needed an heir, I would have married one of those infinite women who threw themselves at me over the years. I did not want to marry for wealth or to produce an heir. I wanted to marry out of love."
"And you think just because I am a woman from a poor household, that I would not have any such wishes about love?"
He was silent.
"I wish to discuss this no further. I wanted to come here to tell you that I can never take you as my wife. You will have all the things as Mrs Darcy, but not my affection. If I ever concede to having any relationship with you just for physical pleasures, that day would mock the entire life I have lived in these 28 years."
Elizabeth was half happy that he was not demanding her to do her duty. But she felt enraged by the mockery of his words and his pride for not attempting to see her character.
"So, you think I would agree to live a life just being the mistress of your property."
"It should be sufficient for your standards, I assume."
"How dare you? You have no right to make decisions for me or how I live my life."
"You should have thought about that when you compromised me, madam."
"How many times do I tell you? I did not compromise you. Your lack of judgment is surprising to me. Why can't you see the truth?"
"Because there is no truth. You cannot give me a plausible explanation for anything. You cannot prove your innocence. If you want me to believe you, find one fact to support yourself."
"I do not want to prove myself to a man like you. Your arrogance and selfish disdain for my feelings prove that you would have been the last man I would have ever prevailed upon to marry. But as you say, I orchestrated the whole thing and trapped you. Believe what you must. You think I have nothing to lose in this marriage. But you are wrong. I lose my freedom. I care nothing about your wealth or status in life. It means nothing to me when it comes to my self-respect."
She saw him trying hard to compose himself. She did not care anymore.
"Your words do not affect me. You have a great talent for professing opinions that are not your own. I will be clear. This is a namesake marriage, nothing else. We can discuss other tormenting details about going on with our lives tomorrow."
With one look towards her bed, he said, "It is a very comfortable bed. I hope you have a good sleep, madam." He left the room.
Elizabeth collapsed into the chair crying.
Horrible man. I hate him. I hate him.