Chapter 8

Tohru and Kyo woke to the sound of muffled screams. It was still dark, Kyo guessed around midnight. They both meet in the hallway, opening their doors at the same time and peering out. Stood in their doorways, they shared a worried glance before their eyes drifted to the closed door which held the disturbing cries.

Padding softly over to her door, Kyo took her hand and squeezed it, he looked up at her face, now that they were close, he could see tears on her cheeks in the half light. "I'll go, you go back to sleep."

Tohru sniffed and nodded, she stepped back into her room and closed her door halfway. She hovered in its shadow, watching her friend approach the door. She was glad he had offered, although she cared dearly for the boy on the other side of the door, she would be of little help if she couldn't stop crying. That sound. It's as if he is in agony… Oh, Yuki-kun…

Kyo hesitates outside Yuki's door. The wails are louder here, and he was suddenly filled with apprehension, it was happening again, just like last night. He was exhausted and wasn't sure how he would fare tonight. But he knew he had to do something, anything¸ to stop his pain. For her. He turned to see her door was still open and waited for it to slide shut before entering the dreaded room and closed the door behind him.

The room was dark, but a square of moonlight shone through the window and illuminated the figure in bed. The cat walked silently over to the boy who was writhing in his slumber. His body was trembling, and his chest could barely express the ferocity of his painful cries.

The redhead kneeled next to the boy, the sight rendering him speechless, he wanted more than anything to take the pain away. He reaches out a shaking hand and grasped his shoulder gently.

The reaction was instantaneous, Yuki cried out, "Akito no!" and was upright, his chest heaving, eyes wildly looking for his tormentor. His terrorised eyes settled on Kyo, who looked nearly as scared as the rat felt, "Kyo?" his voice had returned, but barely. It was hoarse and gravelly, it sounded as it must feel, scratchy and painful.

"Yeah," Kyo breathed shakily, not sure what to do.

Yuki leaned forward and rested his head on the boy's shoulder, trying to regain control of his breathing.

Kyo was startled at this reaction, he nearly recoiled, but was glad he was able to stay as he was. His hand instinctively went to Yuki's hair, lacing his fingers through the soft silver strands, resting his hand at the nape of his neck.

Yuki's chest continued to heave, and Kyo pulled back and grasped both shoulders in his hands. "Yuki breathe," he looked into his eyes, panic was evident in his gaze. He couldn't catch his breath, gulping for air like a fish out of water, drowning on dry land.

Kyo puts his palms on Yuki's face, "Yuki, you need to calm down. Deep breaths." Again, Kyo was surprised by his own firmness and apparent confidence. He didn't feel as he portrayed himself, he felt just as panicked as the rat looked, terrified and helpless.

Yuki had his gaze locked on Kyo, he seemed to be trying to comply with his words but was still failing. "Okay, that's it, copy me, deep breath in for three," Kyo demonstrated, breathing in for three seconds, "and then out for two," he then exhaled for two seconds before repeating his breathing. He started swiping his thumbs across his cheeks in calming motions in time with his breathing.

With some difficulty Yuki was following his lead, he focused on counting and trying to control his breathing. In, one two three. Out, one two. In, one two three. Out, one two. Soon he felt like he had stopped drowning, the blood pumping in his veins was no longer screaming at him for oxygen, and his heartbeat was no longer deafening. Feeling calmer, he focused on Kyo's hands on his face. His thumbs were still gently caressing his cheeks. I shouldn't like this. He doesn't mean it. He's just doing it to distract me. However, Yuki was powerless to stop himself from feeling comforted; affection from anyone was like a drug. It was illegal and dangerous.

Seeing that his technique was taking affect, the cat stilled his thumbs and removed his hands from the boy's face, resting them on his shoulders once more. Kyo thought he saw hurt in the boy's eyes but thought better of it. Pfft, like he would actually like me touching him anyway.

Kyo rocked back on his heels, putting distance between them, he settled hunched over his bent knees, wrapping his arms around them and resting his chin on his knee. He watched the boy, his breathing was still ragged, but the panic had left his eyes. He wasn't struggling anymore, just catching up.

No, don't go… Yuki couldn't help thinking, the distance between them symbolising the awkwardness that fell upon them. He wasn't ready for reality just yet, he wanted to be held and pretend just a little longer.

"Thanks…" Yuki eventually breathed, his voice still not sounding like his own. It was still painful, but it was dulling as time progressed.

"It's nothing." Kyo replied, his gaze now focused on the wood grain of the floorboards.

Oh, the disappointment nearly crushing the rat, it really doesn't mean anything then. He was just doing it out of duty or something… I am just a problem for him to solve and then forget.

Kyo glanced at the boy; his shoulders were slumped, but not due to the exhaustion of his heavy breathing. Does he look disappointed? Did he think that I meant he was nothing? That me helping was nothing? It WAS nothing right? Why do I want him to understand that that wasn't true? He wasn't nothing to me. He never has been.

Yuki had a firm control on his breathing now, but the terror from his dreams had not quite left him. He didn't want to be left alone, and fearing that Kyo would leave, he decided to talk to him. "Where did you learn that?"

The cat was lost in his thoughts, he felt like he was on the cusp of figuring out the confused feelings swirling inside him. But that would have to wait. "What?"

"The breathing thing. You seemed to know what you were talking about."

Kyo dragged a hand through his unruly hair, and answered honestly, "I didn't," he let out a nervous laugh, "I had no idea what I was doing."

"Oh."

The crushing awkward silence goaded Kyo to continue talking, "But I knew how you were feeling, I used to get panic attacks when I was little, Shisho always talked me down like that, with the breathing thing." He was looking down at the floor again, studying the waving lines in the timber. He wasn't sure why he volunteered this information. He was never this forthcoming about himself, especially something which would make him look weak. He wasn't sure why he was allowing himself to appear vulnerable.

The rat was quiet, astonished that the cat was sharing like this. He doubted that anyone but Kazuma knew this story, and why he entrusted it to the rat of all people eluded him. He nodded.

"I-," Yuki started, he felt like he needed to say something. Thank you was too formal. But I truly am thankful that he confided in me. It was something so personal. Maybe I'm allowed to feel like this. Maybe everyone feels weak sometimes...?

It reminded the rat that although they had been living together for months, they knew very little of each other. They had such strong feelings towards the other but had ignored the details, the seemingly insignificant aspects of their personalities that made them human.

"I didn't know that." Yuki eventually finished, not knowing what else to say.

The cat just shrugged in answer. Awkwardness fell upon them again. It was evident that they had barely spoken to each other before – yes, they had talked - but they had never shared a conversation.

Kyo once again debated his new role in this situation. This wasn't anything like the night before. This Yuki was awake, conscious, not the zombie like existence that had made the night somewhat easier. Kyo felt his scrutinising stare, like he was being judged for his every move. I don't blame him. If roles were reversed, I'd be suspicious too. Hell, I'm suspicious of my own actions. I don't understand these new desires to help and care... What is wrong with me?

The cat felt the impulse to flee, to get miles away from this situation, these feelings, him. Anxiety was crushing his chest; he began to feel overwhelmed. He's stopped screaming. He can breathe. I should go.

He glanced up at the silent boy who tormented his thoughts. He couldn't see details in this light, but he could see the outline of his body. He was sat almost cross-legged on the futon, both hands gripping and kneading the sheet in his lap. It was as if he needed distracting, it was a nervous action, and it didn't fit the rat's usual stony indifference. This unsettled Kyo, and he knew that he couldn't leave they boy just yet, despite his own feelings.

"You feeling better?" The cat eventually asked.

"Hm." Was all Yuki could muster, but what he really wanted to say was no. I'm terrified of being alone with my thoughts. I'm worried that my tormentor will appear out of the shadows. In the dark this room feels just like THAT room.

"Right." Kyo decided that if he said he was alright; he should take his word. This was his opportunity to leave. "Okay. I should probably go then."

The redhead got up to leave, going to gather his futon, he wasn't going to sleep on the floor again if he could help it.

"Wait," A small voice sounded in the darkness.

The cat halted his movements, not sure if it was is imagination. Crimson eyes searched the darkness for its source, the figure on the bed had moved, inching towards the redhead. His head bowed and defeated.

"I-," Yuki battled his pride, his fear of being alone eventually winning out, "Please don't go..." He admitted quietly. The silver-haired boy felt stupid, asking a person who hated him for help. He should laugh at me. He should drive the knife in deeper. Why did he even come in here? Perhaps just to shut me up. Of course he would leave. There was no reason for him to stay with his enemy. He hates me.

The silver-haired boy was brought back to the present by the shifting of his foam futon. He lifted his head to see Kyo sitting opposite him. He wasn't meeting the shocked expression on the rats face, he was staring off out through the window.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, but it couldn't have been more than minutes. The rat was grateful for the company, but his presence raised more questions. Why would he stay? Just because I asked? He would never have done that before. If anything, he would do the complete opposite just to spite me. Unless Miss Honda was involved. He would do anything for her. Was she behind this? Is that the reason he is here? That would explain tonight. But his actions from yesterday was still a mystery.

Yuki studied the boys face, he still wasn't looking at him, so he let himself openly stare. The moonlight was caressing his face, illuminating the boy's fiery hair, it was still tousled from sleep. Violet eyes strayed from his hair to his handsome features. Yuki had always found the boy alluring, his passionate rage enticing. But he had really grown up to be ruggedly gorgeous. His tanned skin put everyone to shame, and teamed with his vivid scarlet eyes and shocking orange hair, he quite literally lit up a room. Everyone one else seemed so colourless in comparison, himself included. Yuki had always wondered why he had admirers when, next to Kyo he seemed so insignificant.

"Why are you helping me?"

The question startled the cat, he had been lost again to the turmoil of his emotions. He wasn't sure why he had stayed. Because he wanted you to.

"I don't know," He answered honestly, apparently it was a night of truth telling for Kyo. Maybe he was becoming delirious in his exhaustion.

That's surprising. No bite of anger at his question. No excuses. Just plain honesty. So he's doing this on his own accord... Miss Honda has nothing to do with it.

"But..." Yuki needed answers. He tried not to bring his hopes up. This could still be a dirty trick. I still don't trust him.

Kyo sighed. "Please don't make me explain." This reaction, Yuki has never seen. He looked tired, like he'd given up, defeated. This was strange. Although Yuki had defeated Kyo countless times, he had never seen this expression. He had never given up when faced with a fight. He never looked this lost. Kyo was not a quitter.

Yuki felt a strange emotion, almost like he felt guilty for making the cat look that way. But there was no way of telling why the cat was acting this way, if he had no idea himself. The silver-haired boy wanted to make it better. To comfort him. But he shouldn't, he couldn't let his actions betray his true feelings.

Kyo suddenly got up, breaking his own trance and turned away from Yuki. He lied down on his own futon facing the wall. "It's late. We should get some sleep."

The cat stared into the darkness. What is happening to me?! I nearly confided in the rat! I am so stupid! I hate him for making me feel this way!

Urgh, I can't even let myself do that.

I hate myself. Not him.

Yuki watched the figure on the futon for a little while in disbelief, before laying down on his own and settling to sleep. At least he's in the room. I can deal with that.

AN: Please review!