Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!
An unfamiliar ceiling swam in Izaya's vision as a stream of light trickling through the blinds slowly broke through his dreamless sleep. He took a moment to take in his surroundings before the memories from the night prior came rushing back like a wave, nearly knocking him off of the sofa as he jolted awake. Unfortunately, the motion itself was enough to send a wave of pain through his head, a stark reminder of why he normally detested drinking.
He groaned, rolling over on the lumpy sofa in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain, but that only caused the blanket to slide off of him, robbing him of the warmth he didn't know he needed. He wondered why the other would even care enough to throw a blanket over him as he grabbed the comforter and heaved it back over his aching body, thankful for the gesture regardless.
It was then that Izaya heard shuffling above him before the lights suddenly turned on, the brightness too much for his migraine as he raised a hand to shield his eyes. A glass of water somehow materialized in front of him, and it took him a moment to collect himself before he could weakly meet Shizuo's eyes.
"Thanks," he muttered, his voice raspy as he took the cup with trembling hands and drank greedily, relieved at the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.
"How are you feeling?" the other asked, as if it weren't obvious enough. Izaya supposed that he should at least be thankful that Shizuo didn't bring up what happened last night as their first conversation of the day. He didn't know if he could handle the implications at the moment.
"My head hurts," he admitted instead, deciding his physical wellbeing was safe enough to put into words. The man had seen him at his worst already after all.
Almost his worst.
"I didn't know you couldn't hold you alcohol," Shizuo commented, eyes trailing to a pile of beer cans on the table.
Izaya scrunched up his nose, disgusted with how low he had allowed himself to fall. "It's not something I particularly enjoy or do often," he retorted, massaging his temple when another wave of pain rolled through it.
"Could have fooled me." He swore that there was a ghost of a smile on the other's lips.
"You're just a beast," Izaya returned, attempting to stand. His legs seemed to still work at least. "Good thing there's no jobs today. I don't remember the last time I had to sleep off a hangover."
"You can stay a little longer," Shizuo offered. He hated noticing how the other moved just ever so slightly whenever he swayed.
"Thank you for the offer, but I really want to go home and shower."
The other nodded. "I'll call you a cab."
Izaya waited apprehensively for the other to bring up last night as they waited for the taxi outside of Shizuo's apartment, pulling his coat closer around him as the morning chill blew around them relentlessly. He nearly started when the other climbed in after him for the ride back to Shinjuku and spent the entirety of the trip back bracing himself for the conversation. Yet, his bodyguard remained mercifully silent even as they stood in the elevator, the man leaning casually against the stainless steel railing as the light hit his floor.
He could almost feel his own hand trembling when he finally put the keys into his door, wanting to get it all over with when he finally managed to get the blasted lock open. The short-lived dream he was living was bound to end, and he could not take the painful apprehension any longer. He took a deep breath when he stepped into his apartment and turned around, ready to end it all, to return to the life he knew before, only to find Shizuo still lingering outside in the hallway.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later then," Shizuo told him.
"Huh?" he answered blankly.
"I just wanted to make sure you get home safely."
"Oh." Izaya swallowed thickly. He had been so ready for the other end to this charade now that they were both sober, that it had not occurred to him that perhaps Shizuo was trying to put this off as much as he did. The thought softened him a little, and the small hope that the night before had been genuine flickered slightly.
Yet, he was still unsure, still unwilling to let everything go on the possibility that this was all still just a fabrication of his own desires.
"Shizu-chan's such a great bodyguard!" he found himself saying, masks sliding messily back into place. He really needed some time to think through this.
The comment made the other roll his eyes, obviously seeing through his facade.
"We'll talk later, okay?" Izaya continued, his voice too meek, too quiet for someone like him.
He allowed himself to pretend that the small smile the other gave him was genuine.
"Sure."
He'll allow himself that much for now.
.
Shizuo breathed out slowly as he listened to the ringtone, wondering if this was a good idea as the man on the opposite line finally picked up.
"What can I do for you, Heiwajima-san?" the damned yakuza answered as if the other was expecting his call this entire time. He had half a mind to lie that he had dialed the wrong number, but he gritted his teeth and pushed on, determined to get some answers.
"I want to talk," he told the other, "about Izaya."
He could hear a muffled chuckle on the other end. "My schedule is free this afternoon. We can discuss your assignment then."
"That's fine."
He found himself in a small office located in a rather nondescript building late afternoon. The yakuza smashed the remains of a cigarette in the ashtray as Shizuo closed the door behind him.
"Please, take a seat," Shiki insisted, motioning to one of the sofas in front of the desk. Shizuo grudgingly sat down, eyes flickering around the room in search for any hidden henchmen. He detected none, confirming that the other had sent all of them away for their conversation.
"So, what would you like to talk about regarding our informant?" Shiki began, resting his chin on the back of his fingers like it was any regular business transaction.
Shizuo gritted his teeth. "What happened to Izaya in the past? You know, don't you?"
That knowing smile was starting to get on his nerves. "I take it that you tried to get too close to him? You're finally admitting your curiosity now?"
Shizuo felt the heat rising to his ears but chose to ignore it. Shiki seemed to take his silence as an affirmative and rose from the desk to the mini fridge in the room to remove a rather hefty looking bottle of scotch. The bodyguard shook his head no when the other offered him some. He's had enough alcohol for quite a while.
"I am the reason Izaya has trouble forming relationships," Shiki told him as the man scooped some ice into a glass.
"What do you mean?" Shizuo asked as he listened to the liquid pour into the glass, the soft crack of the melting ice echoing in the room. He suddenly felt apprehensive as the possibilities ran through his head.
Before any more assumptions could fully take root, Shiki sat across from him, taking a sip of the alcohol before continuing. "Izaya was always very eager to please when he started his dealings with our group. The others were wary of him, of course, since he was a kid, so they assigned me to deal with him."
"A kid? So even back in highschool…" Shizuo trailed off. It didn't seem too implausible, given how Izaya was like back then. In fact, it all fit together quite nicely.
"You know how it is at that age. He was probably just starting to become aware of his own proclivities and latched on to the first person who was a potential interest."
"Pardon?"
"I knew that he was attracted to me."
Shizuo blinked, feeling his blood run cold as the man took another sip of scotch. "So you took advantage of him?" he breathed out.
The instantaneous glare he earned from the other relieved him to no end. "I'm not that crass, Heiwajima-san. Even I would not lay my hands on a kid." Shiki set the glass down on the table between them before leaning back onto the sofa, the usual cordial mask off as he continued his story. "There was another man called Nakamura that Izaya was quite close with. I assumed that he took advantage of Izaya's immaturity and presented himself as a close confidant of some sort. They were seen together quite often."
An uncomfortable knot grew in Shizuo's chest as the image of Izaya with another man flashed through his head. He pushed the feeling aside. "Did he do something to Izaya?"
"I don't know what kind of relationship they had, but he was clearly hoping to use Izaya to get to me." Shiki's eyes narrowed. "He managed to assemble a small group when he defected from the Awakusu-kai and almost shot up the place, but Izaya chose to protect me instead."
Shizuo had no words to say to that, finding the revelation surprising. He couldn't picture the informant to be a self-sacrificing type in any circumstance.
Shiki seemed to read his mind. "Yes, completely out of character, don't you think? They had a gun pointed at me and that idiot just strolled right up to them and offered himself in my place. He convinced them not to make a big scene, and Nakamura dragged him away during the escape when our backup arrived."
Shiki's hands clenched slightly from the memory.
"We found them fairly quickly regardless. Those bastards had roughed up Izaya quite a bit for betraying him. If we had come even a few minutes later…"
Shizuo gulped, understanding the implications.
Shiki took a deep breath to calm himself. "The traitors are dead. Izaya just calmly picked himself up like nothing had happened. He claims to this day that he's fine, but I know he's not. It festers under his skin, and I'm afraid that these past events have finally allowed it to resurface. I don't know what Nakamura said to him, but the damage was clearly more than just physical."
"He didn't…" Shizuo trailed off. He had to make sure.
Shiki shook his head. "To my knowledge, we got there on time." The man sighed, shaking his head. "Or, maybe I didn't. I let the charade go on for much too long."
"What do you mean?"
"I knew Nakamura was using Izaya to get to me, but I waited because I wanted to see where Izaya's loyalties lie. I made him choose between Nakamura and the Awakusu-kai. Izaya shies away from human attachment, even though he clearly yearns for it. I suspect it is because he doesn't want to end up betraying them should the need ever arise again."
"That doesn't sound like him at all."
"Yet he hasn't joined the Awakusu-kai after all these years."
Shizuo shrugged. "Maybe he just likes his freedom."
Shiki smiled wryly. "Perhaps if you were the one, then he could be more at ease and learn to settle back into what we consider normal relationships."
Shiki's phone rang again before Shizuo could answer, saving him from needing to comment on such a statement. The yakuza stared at the caller ID for a moment before raising the phone to his ears. "Excuse me for a moment while I take this."
"Sure."
"What is it?" Shiki's eyes widened. "What? You lost track of him?"
Shizuo blinked.
.
Izaya stared idly at his bedroom ceiling, body sluggish from sleeping the entire afternoon away. At the very least, the pounding headache had finally dulled to a mere throb, which the pitcher of water he had grabbed from downstairs had done wonders for.
He closed his eyes, remembering the featherlike kiss on his lips the night before.
'I like you.'
He wanted to tell himself it was the alcohol talking, that no one in their right mind would show him such tenderness, but Shizuo had not pushed him away this morning despite clearly remembering everything that had happened last night. The other had offered him a way out, the option to pretend that he didn't remember any of it, but then he had gone and promised Shizuo that they would talk.
Izaya sighed, rolling to the other side of the bed. He dared himself to hope.
Unable to take the apprehension anymore, Izaya threw on his coat and headed to Ikebukuro, his mind racing as the crowds swarmed around him during rush hour. He finally stepped into the street to Sunshine City, breathing in the cold air as he wondered where to search first.
His pocket vibrated, and he reached inside, suddenly realizing that he could have just texted Shizuo in the first place. Izaya stared at the object incredulously, almost wanting to laugh at his own foolishness. He had been so preoccupied with thoughts of the other, that he had overlooked something so simple.
He texted back. 'I'm at Sunshine 60 Dori. Where are you?'
'Stay there. I'll come to you.'
He held onto the phone tightly, his heart pounding as he waited for the other among the crowds of people. To be honest, it scared him, taking this step forward. Nakamura's face flashed in his mind, a constant reminder of what happened the last time he chose to get close to someone.
Izaya swallowed, closing his eyes. Shizuo was different. A truck couldn't even take down that mons- that man. The other was truly an enigma. He had spent so many years tormenting the other, and yet Shizuo had offered him a hand just like that, had saved when any other sane human would have left him to die in that dirty alley.
The other had even said that he fancied him of all people.
It was all unfathomable, and the more Izaya thought about it, the faster his heart raced. He would see this to the end, he told himself.
If the dream were to crack now, then he would not have gone too deep.
And if he were to keep dreaming, well…
A sudden chill down his spine brought him back to the bustling crowd around him, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He breathed out slowly, recognizing this feeling.
"You're a hard man to get a hold of," someone whispered in his ear, and he felt something hard against his back, hidden by the black of his hoodie no doubt.
Izaya nearly cursed at his carelessness.
Thank you for reading!