Chapter 9: Hands-On Experience

I stood in the Academy apartment that I was given. I wondered if the Director expected me to decorate it, and was disappointed when I didn't. Whenever I came home, there were new potted plants waiting in front of the door. Though he had a key, for my safety apparently, he never used it. Sometimes I would return and there would be five different variations of leafy things.

The kitchen, with its floor and counter covered, looked like a jungle. What did he plan on doing with all of the plants when I managed to return to my timeline?

"Please don't die on me. He'd probably blame himself," I said, watering the lily-like plant I'd become partial to. Its faintly yellow blooms reminded me of my mother's hair, lit by the evening fireworks. The last pleasant memory I had of her.

The door to the apartment flew open and Lightning slammed into me. The watering can tumbled to the ground, leaking liquid across the tile and into the carpet of the living room.

"I can't do this anymore," she said, trying to wrap her arms around me. Her legs buckled beneath her and she began slipping toward the floor. "Why does she keep doing this?"

I hooked my hands into her armpits and pulled her up. Her eyes were bloodshot and looked entirely through me and into pure nothingness. Sweat slicked her hair to her neck and forehead. She took sharp and heavy breaths.

"Lightning," I said, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

"I have never done anything right in my life." Her breathing sped and her body rocked almost compulsively without her control. "I know that. I know that, Hope. Everyone is dead." She began to beat at my chest with her gloved fists. "Everyone. Always. We killed so many people. But is guilt a motivator? Because if I killed this many already, why should I continue? What good am I to the goddess Etro? No matter what we do to Caius, everyone is still dead. All those people, we can't be making the same mistakes."

Wet, angry tears pooled on her cheeks as she struggled against me. Soon she couldn't even form words as every other sound was of her sucking in air.

"I need you to calm down." I ran my hand up and down her back. "And we need to take this off." There were no obvious straps or buckles holding her breastplate in place.

"Like this thing even fucking comes off. It's part of me. Not only does she torture me, I'm not even human any more. I don't eat, I don't sleep."

"You're human, Lightning," I said, trying to even my tone. I used the same soothing cadence I'd used to calm a crying baby. Not that Lightning was anything of the sort. I was desperate at this point.

"I'm not." She resumed beating at me.

I let go of her briefly enough to scoop her up by her knees. Once she was dangling in my arms, she went limp and softly mumbled 'I'm not human' over and over again. Clutching her to my chest, I walked her to my bed and seated her on the edge.

"You need to breathe, Lightning."

This time, when I reached for her gloves, a spark from my fingertips chased an invisible seam. Her armor began to crackle as a vein of light split her breastplate, wrap, and then jumped to her boots. Each piece broke in half and fell from her body, still bonded together by small hinges on the inside.

I shoved each of the metallic and feathered bits of clothing to the floor in a clang.

"You're human."

My hands slid along the naked expanse of her torso. She wore no undergarments, and so the armor had left her mottled with purple and brown bruises. Her chest rose and fell, in big, long, slow breaths, finally able to function as it should. The sweat that covered her body during battle had no means of escape, so her chafed skin felt rough to the touch.

We laid down and I rested my head against her shoulder. I glided my fingers from her elbow to her wrist. "This is human." I took the back of her thigh in my hand and lifted her leg across my own. "This is human too." Taking her cheek in my hand, I turned her head to look at me. "Everything about you is human."

Her breathing had finally normalized, but I could still feel the tension in her muscles. She placed her hand over mine, letting it ride the contours of her body. I'd stopped talking, hoping that she'd regained her autonomy. Anywhere there was a bruise, like a darkened rib that must have fractured at one point, I lightened my touch. Instead, she'd push my hand firmly down, causing her to wince. She hissed in pain as we mapped each of her hidden injuries. I then surged healing magic at each specific point instead of a generalized body-wide spell.

Then she looked at me. She rolled her hips and rocked the leg that was slung over mine. I scooted up so that both our heads rested on my pillow. Reaching between us, she started tugging at my shirt.

"Woah. Hold up, I'm not hurt," I said, blocking her from getting the shirt higher than my belly button.

"I need to verify," she finally said. Her voice was hoarse, but with the authoritative timber I hadn't heard in years.

Pushover that I was, I let her peel the shirt off me. My hair sparked from the static, waving in the air so much even I could see it in front of my face. "See. Nothin' there."

Her fingers were incredibly soft. Gloves had protected her from the elements, while Claire's were always rough with callouses. She eased her fingers across my chest. I had to close my eyes when she decided to compare us. With one hand, she'd touch me, with the other she'd touch herself in the same location. She traced my ribs; she traced her ribs. She rubbed my sternum; she rubbed hers. When she reached my nipple, she jerked her hand away in surprise.

"It's ok," I said, looking up and expecting embarrassment. She was full of hesitation, but there wasn't an ounce of shame. Rather, she was waiting for permission.

Her hand hovered above my chest, but she didn't let go of her own breast. That was actually one of the few places I'd only given a light skim. There were no obvious bruises, only peeling skin from where her sweat had pooled beneath them.

"You can touch me." I pressed her palm flat to my chest. "Wherever you want." I held her by her waist. "Verify whatever you need to verify."

She glanced down, before looking away.

"The pants can come off, but my underwear stays on."

"You said anywhere."

Huffing, I stroked the long line of her spine. "Etro hasn't changed that. Trust me."

She unbuttoned my trousers and began tugging them down my legs. Too exhausted to get up, she kicked at them with her heels, bumping against me in a way that rubbed her entire front against mine.

"Ok, ok. You win." I rolled her off me so I could shimmy my pants off, ultimately kicking them onto the floor. They landed on her sash. A few feathers broke free and fluffed into the air. "Better?"

Silently, she let her nails drag from my hip to my inner thigh. I spent the entire time trying to focus on absolutely anything else. I kept drawing a blank, nothing could distract me. It was impossible, given the way she wormed on top of me. I once again had to close my eyes as she touched every part of me. When she tapped the back of my elbow, my arm swung out reflexively. She went completely still.

"Sorry 'bout that," I said, choking down a laugh. After searching for her hand, I placed it back on me. "I broke it when our magic was barely coming back. Claire fixed it, but she must have done something weird, because the nerve is... squeaky? It's way more sensitive than it should be. Hands down, you have located the most ticklish spot on my person."

She checked my other elbow and got no response. Satisfied with my answer, she continued her search. From between my toes to behind my ears, absolutely everything was observed. She petted lazy loops across me. Sometimes she'd briskly run the backs of her hands up my sides, other times she'd slowly work the heels down my calves.

"Uhm, Lightning?" I whispered.

"What?" she answered.

"Can you not... focus...with such...intensity on that one area. There are literally a million other places for you to poke and prod."

"Am I doing something wrong?"

"Not really. But it's taking all I got here to be neutral." Then I looked up, which was a mistake because I was greeted with a face full of boobs. "And I'm out. That's all I got," I said in a rush, flipping myself onto my stomach.

She laid down beside me, cheek to my shoulder, arm over my back, leg over my legs. "I'm sorry. I was... curious."

I made a garbled noise into the pillow.

"Huh?"

I lifted my face enough to speak clearly. "Don't worry about it. Really, there are few things more human than wanting..." She cut me off with a growl that reverberated into my shoulder muscles. "...a connection with someone. I think we've established that the Goddess at least didn't take that away from you." I rolled my neck so I could tap my chin to her forehead. "But I know that this isn't you. You're still running off some weird magical adrenaline. Soon enough it's gonna wear off. And when that happens, we're going to be lying here naked and then you're gonna panic and run for your damn life. Even though we literally didn't do anything."

Though, I didn't know if that last part were true. Even Claire had never inspected me so thoroughly before. Of course, any time she'd gotten me partially disrobed, much less fully naked, her intentions were different. The woman was single-minded, which I was perfectly okay with.

Being looked at so clinically, with such precision, was a new experience for me. It made me ache for the way Claire touched me. She'd been physically unable to do so without a physical spark of her attraction absorbing into my skin. We could control that now, but it had initially made her love for me visceral.

"How are you certain of that?" Lightning asked with a yawn.

"Because I know you."

"I don't run." She yawned again, already on the cusp of sleep.

Then, for someone who claimed to be incapable of the ability, she fell asleep in my arms. Once I was certain I wouldn't wake her, I climbed off the bed and pulled the covers around her. Sweat soaked as she was, she'd begun to shiver. If she could sleep, then she could probably eat. I left the door open, and prepared dinner in my jungle kitchen.

"I… don't know what to say." Lightning stood by the bed and looked across the living room and into the kitchen.

I set down the dinner plates and walked over to her. She had the comforter completely encircling her body, only her face and feet were exposed.

"Thank the gods." I hugged her around the shoulders and touched my forehead to hers. "You look like you're feeling better. We can talk about what happened." I felt her tense, even through the blanket. "Or we can leave it until you're ready. I've never met a deity before, so I can't possibly understand what you go through. But I'm here for you, however you need me."

"I," her voice was hoarse, "I don't know how to thank you, Hope. I didn't know where to go, or what to do, or what I was even feeling." Her tears began to spill silently this time, and they transferred to my cheeks. "Then I found myself here. Literally in front of your door and I don't even know how I got there." One of her hands slipped from beneath the comforter and clutched at my shirt. "Thank you."

"There's really no need to thank me."

"There is. Thank you for bringing me back, I don't think anyone else could." She looked up at me, and then closed her eyes. "But mostly thank you for not doing what anyone else would have in that situation. Sometimes I feel so alone."

"You're not alone, Light. You have me." I let go of her and stood back. "Also, you have dinner waiting for you, in the off chance you might want to eat something."

Her stomach growled in response.

"Before that…" she tucked her hand back into her shell, "do you happen to have any clothes I can borrow." She pulled the blankets up to her nose.

Alyssa, for better or worse, had prepared for almost any eventuality. There was a reason she was Assistant to the Director. She should have just been Vice Director.

The first time I'd toured the apartment, I'd been shocked to find a series of drawers in the closet full of women's clothing. I'd been told the apartment was fully stocked, but I'd been concerned that they'd shown me the wrong room.

"Alyssa, I don't think this is the right unit. It still has the previous tenant's belongings," I'd said, staring at the closet's contents.

"No, all of this is yours. The Director wanted to make sure you wouldn't have to go into town if you didn't want to," she'd called from the kitchen as she'd tended to the first of my housewarming plants.

"I don't need women's clothes," I'd said, bringing the short sleeve jacket to show her.

"Ah, that," she'd said, trotting over to me. "Best not tell the Director about those. I assumed that Lightning might need a change of wardrobe as well. He obviously didn't know you've been traveling together, since she made a point of not meeting him in the past. I made sure not to input her data into the facial recognition software until we got to the future. Even then, he was practically begging me, and tried to write a workaround that would search all the old footage. I removed it. No need for him to see you guys running around back then. Of course, should she choose to visit long-term like you or her sister, we can offer her accommodations then."

"Oh," I'd said with a sigh of relief. "So, you left her gear at Serah's place too?"

She'd blinked at me. "Why would I do that?" she'd quipped, bringing the conversation to an end.

For someone who traveled through time the long way, she'd seemed to know more about the future than I did.

I finally let go of the blanketed Lightning. "You'd be surprised, but I actually do have clothes for you. Alyssa prepared you a dresser in the closet. It's the smaller of the two; I have my rucksack on top of it."

She carefully edged back toward the closet, making sure not to trip herself on the blanket. Her hesitation and embarrassment amused me. I wanted to shout, 'surprise! I've seen you naked plenty of times, an hour ago wasn't the first,' just to see her response, but I knew that would end in her breaking at least one of my bones.

"Light," I backed up and pointed at the city beyond the window. "I'm going to take a stroll outside. There's food on the counter, you already know all the dials in the bathroom. You can contact me when you're ready for me to come back up. A ton has happened and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable," she said with her usual firmness.

"Like I believe that." I crossed my arms.

"Don't go. But don't be weird either."

A scowl was forming on my face, even though I was trying my hardest to be understanding.

"I mean don't be so nice. What the hell is all of this? You've been treating me like a stranger. Which I'm not. We're friends, we're supposed to have each other's backs even if we're separated." She'd returned from fleeing across the room to approach me. "I try every day to get along with you, even when you're a pain in my ass." Her hands poked out to clutch my shirt. "Then out of nowhere, you are incredibly gentle. And sincere." She slid her fingers up until they curved against the back of my neck. "And it's like you're acting this way just because I took my armor off. But then why would you keep supplies for me. I'm," she paused to headbutt my chin with force, "confused."

"Maybe," I should have shut up. She was confused as is. "I haven't changed at all; you just didn't notice 'til now." I pulled her blanket shut over her nose, leaving only her eyes to peek at me. "Humans don't have all the answers. Questioning things comes with the territory."

During her shower, I waited on a stool at the kitchen counter. She insisted on cleaning up before eating. Turning at the sound of the door opening, I watched as steam billowed out of the tiny room. Her hair, still damp, was pulled into a slick ponytail. The Academy uniform fit her perfectly; the puffed sleeves looked even more feminine than her feather sash had. She hadn't bothered with shoes, so the skin from the hem of her shorts to her toes was bare. Freshly scrubbed, the marks left by her armor were red and raw. Her body still had an imprint left by the Goddess. I hoped that the bruises would fade with time.

"How long do you plan on staring?" she asked. The corner of her mouth pulled into a grin.

"Alyssa could be out of a job. No one would bat an eye at you standing beside the Director."

While I had clothes for her, I didn't have any female toiletries. The closer she came toward me, the more I had an answer to a question I'd formed on the first day. The Goddess had permanently changed aspects of her appearance. Her countenance was perfectly symmetrical along the line of her nose. Her lips were full and dark, undamaged by weather. Her lashes were thick and long, and they'd shielded her eyes whenever she looked up at me. Her cheeks were flushed and smooth. Armor had masked her pain and bruises, but anywhere visible, the Goddess had attempted to perfect. Lightning had seemed like a mythical creature.

Now, I could finally begin to recognize her. The magic was there, but something else, yet undetermined, was present too.

She silently slipped onto the stool beside me. "Research isn't my thing." After biting into her breakfast, she asked, "What type of meat is this anyway?"

"I know you prefer behemoth, but Adamanchelid is my specialty. These domesticated ones aren't as good as the wild ones, but I almost never get the chance to eat them back home."

Then, to her amusement, I told her all about how one almost stepped on Vanille. However, I left out the particulars of the trip.