Chapter Eight: Same Page
"Char…", Jen mumbles in a slurred voice as she watches her son promptly approach the bed.
"Hey, Mom, how are you feeling?", the boy hands her a glass of water and the woman sucks a couple of sips from the straw, signaling him to raise the back of the bed so she can stand a little more upright.
"Where are your brother and Judy?", the blonde asks, tipping the glass in her hands. A grimace of pain marks her face. Now that the effect of the powerful sedatives is wearing off, her aching ribs and back are starting to fucking hurt, -Mrs Harding, you'll have to be patient with your body, she's close to menopause and-Shit! Fuck you, Doc!-
"Judy went home to get some shit, Henry wanted to go with her", the young man puts the glass down and walks over to sit next to his mom.
"Ah yes, I remember now", she replies thinking back to how dismayed Judy was that she kept that letter and that Charlie found it. But Jen, relieved that her son didn't open it, reassured her and together they decided it was best to keep it in the safe. This is the most important reason why the brunette ran home.
"I'll finally be able to take off this fucking scrubs open on my ass and get into real pajamas!", the blonde ran a hand over her hair, finally clean after her first real bath in days. She was relieved when they removed the bandage on her head, seeing that the portion of hair they shaved off for the surgery is minimal and, more importantly, stays covered by the rest of her hair.
"Soooo... Judy told me about your little outburst a few days ago", the woman ventures, watching her son rolling his eyes uncomfortable.
"Of course, I should have known, no secrets between you two, huh?", the boy shakes his head disappointedly, returning his focus to his cell phone.
"She didn't go into details. However, yes, she told me. We've gone through too many messes hiding things from each other in the past. We don't want it to work like that anymore", Charlie silently considers her words, and though he's not ready to admit it, he knows full well that they make sense.
"It's just...", the boy surrenders to the evidence that his mother won't let it go, and maybe a part of him even wants to get rid of certain thoughts and guilts he feels. Mom is right, hiding things in the family has nothing positive. If only he would have spoken up when he found out about Dad, maybe he would still be alive right now. Maybe they wouldn't be a family anymore, maybe he and Mom would have broken up. But he would still be alive.
"I'm sorry, Mom", he speaks with tears in his eyes.
The woman reaches out an arm to lovely caress his face and wipe away a single tear slipped out of his control.
"What for, baby?", Jen asks in a soft voice.
"I knew about Bambi, and I never said a word", he admits, unable to better articulate his thoughts and express himself accordingly.
Jen stays silent for a long moment, trying to win a surge of resentment towards him that she never expected to feel.
"Dad was the person who took care of you, who took you to school, who talked to the teachers, who played with you, who looked after the house and fed us all. He was a great father. It's okay that you would want to protec-"
"Yeah, and what about you?", her son interrupts her.
"Charlie, you don't have to feel guilty about the way things went down between Dad and me", Jen reassures him. "It wasn't your responsibility, it was just ours. Okay, honey?"
"Okay, but...," the young man sniffs up a couple of times. "I'm not going to shut up this time. I know it's none of my business, but Judy is different. And I need to tell you that", he hurries on.
"No, Charlie, stop it. I don't want to hear any such comparisons!", the mother stops him firmly, aware that, unfair as it is, she too often lingers on certain thoughts.
"Okay, then! No paragons, I understand, sorry, you're right, but listen to me, okay?", the boy insists undaunted, not at all intimidated by his mother's firm tone.
Jen rolls her eyes and spreads her arms in mid-air, defeated by his insistence.
"Don't screw this up!", he admonishes her dryly.
"What?", the woman widens her eyes, caught totally off guard by those words.
"Mom, come on, Judy denied and I get it, but you might as well tell me, that's fine with us", the boy states calmly.
"Denied what? What am I supposed to tell you?", she asks already suspecting what her son's response will be and a little disappointed by Judy.
"Really, Ma'? Everyone's noticed for a while now, and if no one has the guts to open their mouths it's only because they all know well your shitty temper", Charlie says, now almost amused by the ridiculous turn the conversation is taking.
"Hey!", the woman exclaims offended, glaring at him. Then suddenly she droops, defeated.
"Oh my God, Charlie! I can't fucking believe I'm having this conversation with my son!", she exclaims in disbelief, bringing her hands to her hair in a gesture of amused frustration.
"Well, you want to know something? You all noticed it but us!", she confesses to him feeling stupid.
"I can't believe it!", he snickers back.
"Well it's been a rough… time… we had other things to deal with, okay?", the woman justifies herself with slight embarrassment, more at the thought of how fucking blind they've both been than anything else. She watches her son shake his head, still with a smile on his face.
"Nonsense, Mom! Fuck, let me tell you! You've been co-parenting us for months, you've spent more time with her since she became part of our family than you could have spent with the whole fucking neighborhood for as long as I can remember. You've entrusted her with our custody, our home, everything. You guys are always so fucking clingy! Fucking gross! And how long has it been since she spent the night in the guest house?"
Jen blushes suddenly, aware of the implications of that last question, but before she can intervene, her son bursts into thunderous laughter.
"You barely got out?! And what were you doing, sitting in a car for FIVE hours?", Charlie hadn't been able to help but cross his gaze with Judy, silently asking -Do I really have to explain it?-
"Now, what the fuck are you laughing at?", she asked, confused.
"Sorry, Ma', I was just thinking back to when… never mind. Well, I hope this bad experience will make you open your fucking eyes once and for all, seriously, you're both so fucking ridiculous", the boy says coming back serious.
"Yeah, well... I guess you're right", Jen states uncomfortably, focusing her attention on the fabric of the sheet covering her legs.
"Fuck yeah! Maybe the bump on your head helped!" the young man jokes.
"Well we were already starting to get there before, if you really want to know", his mother grants him lifting an eyebrow nonchalantly. It's strange to talk to him about this, but perhaps also liberating. In a way, she owes him.
"Really? Tell me!", he asks, interested.
"Now don't push too much!", his mother admonishes.
"You're right, I'd better not!", the son exclaims faking a disgusted expression. "I'm gonna go catch something to drink", he states finally leaving her at her own thoughts.
Maybe Charlie's right, maybe it's just so fucking dumb for them, that they didn't notice it before, she thinks relaxing her head on the cushions under her neck and staring at the blank wall just in front of her.
She closes her eyes, allowing herself to get lost remembering the past months with Judy. She tries to evocate the very moment where allocate a shift in their dynamics, but it's fucking impossible! There isn't a very moment, but a fucking infinitude of instants, also hurting ones, where her relationship with the brunette had been fucking peerless, unique and constantly evolving.
What happened in front of an unawareness Lorna, that was so fucking… she really doesn't know how to classify it! A hazard, fuck yeah! Maybe partly even a game. But what a fucking complicity! That was the thing that made of it something fucking special and exclusive.
And what about that kiss in the elevator shortly after? She cannot help but thinking at the feeling of Judy's lips on her own, at her glance so fucking full of love, once she pulled her closer. At the sweetness and delicacy fo that first, (and sole, speaking of truth), true kiss.
And she thinks at the spontaneity of that peck they quickly shared on their porch. As if all these fucking messy months before couldn't help but bring them at that… inevitable shift.
And she thinks about the moment she woke up finding a pair of loving eyes staring at her, and she realizes that it was as she was watching into a mirror. Because she fucking knows she must have the same gross face when she looks at Judy. Now more than ever!
Fuck, all these spiraling thoughts make her feel dizzy! So we're fucking really in love! Maybe it's quite presumptuous thinking it for both of them, she thinks sensibly. But she's so fucking sure she just can't help. And then she freezes for a second expecting some kind of negative reaction from her rationality. Nothing.
"Mommy!", as soon as the door swung open, little Henry ran towards the bed, greeting her with a wide smile. Getting out of that hospital for a bit definitely did him some good.
"I'm glad you're awake, Shandy and her mom say hi, and Karen told me to tell you she has a new wine for you to try and she can't wait for you to come home", Jen rolls her eyes at the thought of the neighbors she never consider and only thanks to Judy she had learned to accept as a part, albeit a marginal part, of their everyday lives.
Judy snickers at her expression as she walks over abandoning two bags on the chair. As always she leans down to her forehead placing a gentle kiss on it and smiling at her soon after, -disgusting-, Jen thinks forgetting to breathe for a moment.
"Are you okay?", the brunette asks her smoothing a strand of her hair. Jen answers with a smile and a simple nod.
"Just a little sore", she states hoping for some extra pampering, -Ew, Harding! Yep! You surely are fucking in love!-
"Come on, Jen, just a couple more days and you'll be complaining at home", Judy comments. She is so excited to get Jen home that she can't wait. The thought that they can get back to their daily routines, even if that means she'll have to resume her work soon, perhaps part-time so she can keep assisting her, fills her with energy, even though the last two weeks have been exhausting, both physically and emotionally.
—
After enjoying her children's company for a while, Jen invites them to leave the room and wait out in the hallway so she can finally slip into her pajamas and take her first steps out of that fucking room.
As soon as she is alone with Judy, a little dilemma pops into her head. Up until that point, the nurses have been taking care of her personal hygiene. And although she can now move her upper limbs fairly easily, she still needs assistance with her stability to stand upright, partly due to weakness in her legs, partly due to pain in her ribs.
There is no question that right now, as for the next few days, when she will come home, she will need help. To wash, to dress, to get up and down the stairs, certainly. For a moment it crosses her mind to call the woman who assisted her after the mastectomy, but she immediately rules out the possibility. She would be pissed as hell if their parts were reversed and it was Judy who needed her help.
She uncovers her legs and sits sideways on the mattress, covering her bottom with the pile of sheets. It's not that she doesn't want her help, quite the opposite. But after what's recently happened between them, you know, she's feeling a tad fucking uncomfortable. I mean, it's not exactly the best kind of romance, right? -Harding, don't put the cart before the horse, you ass!-, to live this new phase in their relationship depending on Judy. She pulls her scrubs down to her knees.
"Jude…", she clears her throat, instinctively bringing her arms around her breasts, waiting for the brunette to turn and look at her.
"Here I am, is everything alright?", the woman asks noticing her worried expression. She walks over laying the pajamas on the bed. She smiles, smoothing a strand of her hair, with her fingertips she brushes the contour of her face looking for her eyes.
"I know… it's a little awkward, isn't it?", the brunette admits as she watches her sighing in relief and looking at her with a vaguely frustrated expression.
"Yyyeeah, sorry!", Jen hisses through gritted teeth.
"Sorry about what? I mean, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way... Well... it's awkward this way too. I mean... uhm, like, after…", the woman fumbles scratching an eyebrow.
"So I guess we're on the same page", Jen interrupts her giggling tenderly. The idea that Judy is also experiencing the same emotions soothes her.
"Yeah, we seem to be on the same page on a lot of things lately", the other replies, winking and letting her laughter infect herself.
"Really?", the blonde whispers taking her hand and pulling her to herself, encouraged by her answer. She lifts her face in order to be able to look into her eyes. The feel of her knees touching Judy's hips causes a wave of heat that quickly spreads to her lower abdomen and grows upstairs bothering the butterflies parked in her stomach, making them flutter here and there and fucking everywhere.
The urge to kiss each other is so fucking intense that's impossible to stop for both of them. They smiles into their lips when they brush together in a soft and chaste kiss.
It's Judy who pulls away shortly after, reading a slight motion of frustration in Jen's look, she lets her forehead rest on the blonde's.
"You know what we do? I'm only going to help you when it's really necessary, and you, good girl, are going to let me help you, no fuss. I won't touch or look unless I have to or you want me to. How's that?"