A/N: Our Heroes have been captured! How will they escape?
Chapter 9: Rescue
*Pink's Ship*
Pink is trying to have a 3some with Yellow and Blue Diamond on a job well done but having blinded Blue and destroying Yellow's Head, Pink made things worse.
"Ugh Yellow, Blue this is the worst 3some ever!" Roared Pink as she threw her strapon to the floor.
"Mmmmmaster Plz forgive me, it's my first time." Said Blue Diamond, talking to a stripper pole since Pink blinded her.
"Ahem." Said Pink.
"Oh sorry." Said Blue as she turned the right direction.
"Hey Yellow, how about some water sports?" Asked Pink.
Though mangled from the curb stomp, Yellow Said "HPMHMHPGHDLP!"
"Good point, I don't want this story taken down." Reasoned Pink.
"My Diamond, it's the Human Zoo, there seems to be an uprising." Said a zombie Gem.
"Hmmm lets go see." Said Pink.
"THIS IS CORNELIAN! REPRESENT!(gang sign) THE HUMAN PETS HAVE BROKEN FREE AND ARE SHATTERING OUR FORCES! OMG THEY'RE BREAKING THE DOORS NO GET YOUR STINKING HAND OFF AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Fizzed the transmission.
Without support from Gem high command, Cornelian and her security team are overwhelmed, beaten and forced to drink toilet water. The whole place was in disarray as alarms flared, Gems shattered and human pets celebrating by having passionate orgies and defacing Gem logos.
"Eh never liked her anyway." Said Pink.
"What of the humans?" Asked the zombie Gem.
"They'd make nice pets but…shoot them." Ordered Pink.
With that the main guns fired and destroyed the human zoo.
*Roses' ship*
As Greg drives the ship, Rose is concerned.
"What's wrong Rose?" Asked Greg.
"A great disturbance…..as if a bunch of violent, horny humans having a huge orgy after freeing themselves cried out in terror…then suddenly silence…..I feel something terrible and douchey has happened." Said Rose.
"Uh you mean like that?" Greg pointed to the debris and remains of what used to be the zoo.
"NOT MY ZOO!" Cried Rose.
"Wait a zoo?" Asked Greg.
"Yes my menagerie of Homo Sapients! (Sees some corpses float past her ship) Mr. Poopy Pants, I remember calling you that after you flung your poop at the walls before guards gave you a free straight jacket and padded cell. Oh Ms Screech, I remember you screeching from your cell into the wee hours of the morning saying it kept the demons away. Oh Van Gough, you can tell I called you that after you chopped your ear off and tried to eat it during a hunger strike. And Slippy, it seems like only yesterday I dubbed you that for dropping the soap during shower time, oh the tears of joy you shed will always be in my heart. And Adi, my sweet, little Adi, you had the best speeches, square mustache, and most elaborate tattoos of strange bent angular Xs, I just wish you got along with the other humans of different skin tones." Sobbed Rose.
Despite this whole thing being very fucked up, Greg took a breath, put the ship on auto pilot and hugs Rose.
"Shh shh it's okay Rose, I remember one time I had a pet squirrel, but he got out, snuck into a power transformer, chewed on the cable and not only died but blew out Beach City's power for a solid 45 minutes." Said Greg.
Through her red eyes, she saw the one responsible for her pain, Pink's ship.
A transmission was intercepted.
"Well now that those apes are dead, let's bring Lapis and Steven to Dragon Mask!" Said Pink Diamond.
Rose took over the steering wheel, "grrrrrd" like Frank Murphy from "F is for Family" and hit the pedal.
*Pink's ship*
"Well now, once I turn you fools in, I will finally deal with Rose." Boasted Pink.
"Harm my mother and (zap) AAAAAAAH!" Screamed Steven as he was electrocuted.
"Leave Steven Alone! Also would it kill you to give me a top?!" Said Lapis as she was bound but her nice huge natural boobs still exposed, DD cup w/ dark nipples,
"And cover those jugs up? Hell naw." Said Pink.
Pink turned her attention to the other inmates, especially Spinel.
"Wow you standing there waiting for me all those years, you're a special kind of stupid, eh Spinel?" Taunted Pink.
"I was loyal…" Said Spinel.
"Yeah and a complete dumbass!" Taunted Pink.
"If I wasn't bound and disarmed I'd slice your gemstone, stomp on it and flush the shards down the nearest gas stop toilet I can fucking find." Said Spinel.
"Pfft Plz like I'm going to ruin my own plans by fighting you? Plus denying you that satisfaction is way more fun!." Said Pink.
Just then Black Dragon Mask arrives as his ship docks with Pink Diamond's.
"Pink, Rose and Greg are at large but give me the pen, we'll track them down and end this story once and for all." Said Black Dragon Mask being cautious but also professional.
"No Rose no pen!" Said Pink.
"Look with that pen I can use it to help us find Rose." Said Dragon Mask.
"Yeah but what's to say you won't try something sneaky? I'm not buying it." Said Pink
"I'm your best chance of getting Pink, the longer we argue the less time we'll have." Said Dragon Mask.
"Yeah let's have sex after you give me Dose oh wait you don't have her yet cuz she escaped!" Barked Pink.
As insults were exchanged, Pearl was minding her business when she hears a voice in her head.
"Pearl, it's Rose, Listen you bed to save Steven, if you don't I'll be so sad I'll never be down with you playing with my body ever again." Said Rose telepathically.
"No more Rose sex for Pearl?! Oh no! We wants Rose and her body! Pearl save Steven and Lapis for Rose!" Said Pearl like Gollum/Sméagol as she rushed to the driver's seat.
(Holding cells)
"Okay we'll find Rose but first(grows boy bits while looking at Spinel) well Spin' I'm so gonna violate your (ship acts up) What the….? (Pink and everyone else start banging around as the ship goes in random directions) WOAH AHHH!" Said Pink.
"Who's driving this ship?!" Demanded Black Dragon Mask.
(Intercom) "DON'T WORRY ROSE, WE HELP YOU SAVE STEVEN AND LAPIS SO PEARL CAN HAVE YOUR BBW BODY!" Said Pearl.
Pearl pushes another button releasing Steven, Lapis and their crew.
("All My Friends Are Dead" from Jackass 2 starts blasting in the background.)
Everyone on board had a difficult time standing still, it was like that Jackass skit where the gang is having a disco roller blade party inside a truck but Preston Lacy starts driving and turning it, everyone inside getting hurt. This doesn't stop team Lapen as they fight their adversaries.
Pearl is piloting the ship and flying all over the place like a horny teenager trying to find a rare bootleg bbw hentai vid during a sugar high on a school night.
With Pearl making a sharp turn, Pink loses grip on the pen, causing it to fall at the middle of the floor. Seeing this, Dragon Mask dashes to grab it, but Lars slides and nabs it first. Then Jasper trips Lars grabbing the pen, but Sadie jabs Jasper's gemstone causing her to drop it. Sadie then gets it but Connie kicks Sadie in the gut. Connie now has the pen but Lapis hits Connie with a water arm spank. Lapis clings the pen but Topaz slaps Lapis' Boobs causing her to drop the pen to help her sore boobs. Topaz clutched the pen but Steven socks him in the face. Steven is grab the pen at the exact same time as Dragon Mask.
"Gimme!" Said Dragon Mask.
"Over my dead half-Gem Ass you cliché OC!" Said Steven.
Just then there was a snap noise on the intercom, Pearl had just broken the steering wheel.
"Uh…Pearl break controls." Said Pearl.
Greg and Rose's ship arrive in time to see Pink's ship crash land onto Earth, the ship rolled and splintered along with Dragon Mask's and Steven's ships docked inside, which were flung out and crashed as well. Miraculously, most of the casualties involved corrupt Gems as the crash landing took place just outside of Beach city, where the final showdown would commence.
A/N: Johnny Knoxville would be proud, also Happy Halloween!