Date posted: 15th October 2020
Thanks to Tigercry for beta'ing!
CHAPTER VIII
You ride for who knows how many hours in the back of Fred's wagon. The trip is smooth, unlike riding on the back of a camel. The smell however is terrible.
The wagon stops and Fred gives you the go ahead to remove your blindfolds. You do so and are greeted with a sight that takes your breath away.
Golgotha greets you with its magnificence, a necropolis deep in the Wasteland, known only to the clerics of Gork and Mork. It is a large earthen basin surrounded by mountains, filled with sprawling mausoleums, crypts, pyramids, made of impressive stonework and radiating holy significance.
Such a settlement rivals the shining cities of the Empire, both the new and the old. How the greenskins could have hidden such an impressive resting place is beyond you. Perhaps they are more cunning than you expect them to be.
It is a holy city and its prized citizens are its honoured dead.
"Isn't Golgotha the place where Jesus was crucified?"
Look, I just think the name sounded cool.
"This city could fit a hundred dead dinosaurs!"
For the last time Silica, I'm not putting in the damn dinosaurs.
Your orc driver performs a solemn gesture across his chest, overwhelmed by piety. A tear drops from his eye.
You all take in the sight.
Finding the Elusive One is going to take a while.
"What's the plan?" asks Silica.
You huddle around a particular large map provided by Fred and the sheer complexity of the area is intimidating. Fred helpfully narrows down the huge graveyard to certain spots where you assume the necromancer will be at.
They are all tombs of ancient orc warlords who led mighty Waaghs across the known world. It was only thanks to the machinations of Chaos, the wisdom of elves, the stubbornness of dwarfs and the jihads of the Empire that the green tides were stemmed.
A crushing defeat had lead the orcs to return to their infighting, again and again. Not unlike the rest of the civilised world, when you think of it.
Sino's know-how with Cartography, Argo's rolls with Academia on orc history, Silica's general knowledge on Religion, and with Fred's assists rolls, allows for more accurate pinning down of the necromancer's goals.
"What about me?" asks the Black Swordsman.
Remind me of your non-combat skills again.
"I want to roll for Intimidate!"
And who are you intimidating?
"The orc, of course!"
"But Fred's helping us with the map," says Silica.
"Torture?"
Orcs are quite resistant to torture, being part fungi and all, and Fred's helping you.
"Swim."
Swimming.
"Yes. Swim."
How so?
"The desert is an ocean, but like, with sand. Therefore, I should have some knowledge on the geography!"
I fail to understand your logic.
"Camels are ships of the desert and the desert is the ocean. It makes sense."
"It really doesn't," says everyone at the table.
"Can I intimidate the map so it'll cough up information?"
"Why didn't you use your Intimidate back when we wanted the camels to not get eaten?" asks Silica.
"GM, you should have told me!"
I am not responsible for you forgetting your own skill repertoire.
You gather around the map again and have narrowed it down to three separate spots, the tombs of the three great warlords. With their revival, they would be a force to be reckoned with. From what the sipahi told you of the necromancer, he could only revive so many champions for his cause.
"I'll be stayin' around, make sure none of ya'z try ta escape. Can't have the location of Golgotha slip out for the non-orcs. Ya' understand." With that, Fred pedals off into the distance.
You steel yourselves for the task ahead of you. You did not come unprepared. You have enough rations with you to last a week and even brought new gear with you.
Before you departed, with the khagan's permission, you perused the orc smiths for whatever you could get your hands on to aid in your quest. None of the orc equipment are fit for your hands and body, seeing as the shortest orc is at least six foot eight and three hundred pounds of muscle.
Yet the khagan did not lack equipment for non-orcs. There had been a small hill of discarded equipment near the smithies, taken from many battles against the bedouin tribes, unfortunate caravans, and the odd ransacked border fortress.
It took half an hour of washing and a bucket of linseed oil to get all the blood out of the gear. You try not to think about what happened to the items' previous owners.
"Maybe they got eaten," Sino opined.
"Shut up," says Silica.
True to her previous promise, the priestess finds herself wearing segmented plate armour over her mail shirt and a heavy greathelm. She wields a large iron shield and a wicked flail. The image of such a heavily armoured halfing is sure to strike fear into the heart of the enemy.
Argo finds herself a bandolier of well-crafted goblin throwing knives, as well as padded mail mittens. The Black Swordsman now wears thick silk jacket over his black leathers.
It is bright pink but the swordsman assures the others he pulls it off.
The sharpshooter … uh, you're not lugging that around are you?
"Yes, I am."
It's classified as Very Heavy so you're significantly slowed down if you carry it.
"But I added wheels on it, see!"
Fine, I'll knock it down to just Heavy. You're still in the desert with that thing.
"Ah yes, but Golgotha has to have some stone pavement somewhere."
I regret letting you roll on that random loot table.
"I'm not leaving it behind."
Fine, but you're moving slow from now on. How much a-
"Three."
I'll allow it. Silica, your armour is classified as heavy armour and you don't have the correct Proficiencies. Are you sure you want to stick to this and not go back to casting from the back?
"Pina Vult."
Alright then. Argo, you're good?
"I'm good."
Excellent.
You dive into the Necropolis, in search of the Elusive One.
It does not take long for you to find the first of Ameed Skullstompa's soldiers. A ragged banner hangs on a nearby tree with the image of a white sabaton stomping on an orc skull with group of orcs drinking grog around a campfire, bored out of their skulls.
You take your positions.
Sino snipes the biggest of them, rolls a crit and blows a fist sized hole in his chest. The elf launches a trio of poisonous throwing knives at the other orc, not killing him, but guaranteeing his death by the next turn.
The priestess jogs up to the last orc as fast as her short legs can carry beneath her heavy armour, smacking him in the knee with her flail. The Black Swordsman rushes in with his flaming blade and swings high, decapitating the head in a burst of flame.
You take no casualties in the scuffle.
"The Dark Gods look upon us with their favour." The Black Swordsman puts out the flaming head with a few swift stomps of his boot and puts it into his skull sack. The rest of the party loots whatever food and gold they can.
You make your way deeper into the necropolis. The gate which Fred left you at was the southern gate, the only way into the city. The rest of the city is surrounded by the mountains. There must be over hundreds of infamous orc warlords but the party has narrowed it down to three. Coincidentally, they are all on the edges of the city: in the north, east, and west.
You decide to go through the city counter clockwise.
The map given to you was old and fading, certainly not made by any orc considering on one corner of the map it says Property of the University of Al-Mushriq. It is also horribly outdated by about a hundred years.
An hour of walking and you find the path blocked by rubble of a collapsed tower. The dwarf and the elf scale it with some effort, thanks to their high investment in Athletics. They then drop rope to allow the hafling and the swordsman to scale it.
It took a considerable amount of effort to lift the dwarf's things.
"I'm still not leaving it behind," says Sino.
An hour passes, you encounter a few undead, none of which are orcs. They are human, elven and dwarven, clad in the gear of tomb raiders. Some were clad in the garb of bedouin tribesmen. Silica's flail, Argo's mailed fists and the burning black blade make short work of them. The dwarf reserves her ammo.
The armour and weapons are long rusted, but extra rope, shovels and some ten year old pemmican are welcomed. The sun is setting.
"We should seek shelter," says Silica.
You travel along, fighting the odd spider and undead with a distinct lack of orcs. Sino rolls high in her Outdoorsman check and finds the ruins of what appears to be an orc tavern. Not even funerals can stop an orc from drinking.
The tavern is two stories tall and lacks a roof. Sino uses her proficiencies in Engineering to ensure the place is safe and considers that it would be with some minor adjustments.
Wood is torn from the floor, the door and windows are barricaded, the debris is cleared, and one side of the tavern is ignored, deemed a safety hazard. You huddle around what should be a longue area of the tavern, sitting on stone couches far too big for you; now knowing how it is to be a halfling most of the time.
Kindle is gathered and a fire comes to life thanks to the Black Swordsman's flaming blade. You have a dinner of grilled mutton with chunks of decade old pemmican thanks to the halfling's innate bonus to Cooking. It is filling and negates the Hunger and Thirst status effects. "I'll have to keep my secret recipe for an upcoming tough battle," she says.
Silica casts a ward and Sino sets a pistol trap. A guard schedule is implemented and Argo takes first watch.
The night is uneventful. The sun only peaks behind from the surrounding mountains when you have a light breakfast and off you go.
Your first skirmish of the Skullstompas comes sooner than you expected. An orc band is patrolling and you fail to sneak around them. An orc big un' leads the charge, brandishing a spear as big as a small tree.
Sino focuses on the heavily armored big un' all the while the halfling tanks him, a tiny David vs an even bigger Goliath. She does not even attack. She merely turtles up and either waits for the dwarf to gun the orc down or for the Black Swordsman finishes the others and come to her rescue.
Halfway through the fight - goblins emerge from the ruins, peppering you with arrows and gunfire. Both the priestess and the swordsman take arrows to their back.
A volley of shots forces Sino to take cover behind her adamantly brought random rolled gear.
"We've got company!"
"On it!" says the elf.
Argo floats like a butterfly and stings like a Japanese giant hornet. She weaves and bobs, rolling well to avoid the missiles. She gets into their line, throwing kicks and punches, breaking faces and throwing goblins like ragdolls. Argo takes a single nasty gash from a thrown poison knife and doesn't hesitate to return the favour by ripping off and throwing it back at the last goblin. The goblins try to run but the dwarf guns them down.
The swordsman takes a nasty gash from the spear but the sheer damage from his flaming blade allows him out-DPS the orcs. The Black Swordsman specs himself as a Duelist, and does more damage the longer he fights a single opponent up to a point. The tree size spear catches fire and the big un' discards it. Unarmed he is still a force to be reckoned with, but the black blade is more than a match for any orc fisticuffs. The orcs fight to the last man.
You patch yourselves up with bandages and potions as the priestess conserves her Healing spells, save for one cast of Cure Poison on Argo. You move on.
You comb through the necropolis, passing over countless tombs. It is an unending graveyard of the dead and all of them are orckind's greatest warriors. There are some undead adventurers - men in rusting plate and torn gambesons, milling about, but you agree to ignore them. The XP may not be worth the cost.
As you get closer to the eastern tomb of the warlord, you feel a dark malevolence about you, like a cloud of malice washes over the city of the dead.
"I feel a dark malevolence about me, like a cloud of malice washes over the city of the dead." says Silica.
"Yes, Silica-chan. We all passed our Sense roll," says Argo.
The tomb of the first orc warlord is not the decoration you would expect from orcs. There are no crucified skeletons or skulls on pikes - the swordsman boos at this - no markings painted with blood, nary even a statue. It is a simple circular courtyard surrounded by marble pillars and mausoleum built into the side of the mountains atop a long a flight of steps.
A group of orcs stand guard with a man in black robes at the base of the stairs. There is five hundred yards between you and the orcs. You are currently huddled behind a low stone wall.
"It's Spooky Skeleton Summoner-san!" says Silica.
"Can I take a shot from here?" asks Sino.
You're too far away, you would need to get closer.
"Sino, you could use the thing you've been dragging along," says Argo.
"No, I can make this shot! We can conserve it!"
You scramble closer to the courtyard. There is little to no cover for you as the tombstones have long crumbled in the passage of time. If you are to take a shot, you would have to do it in the open. Only Sino and Argo have the skills to blend into the surroundings by going prone. The rest of the party would need to stay behind.
"I don't see why we need to stay behind," says Silica.
Silica, you're wearing enough clunky armour to wake the dead. The Black Swordsman has a burning sword and is wearing a bright pink jacket.
"I pull it off though, right?"
Well the bright pink is a giant "Come Stab Me!" sign yes, but I think you would prefer that.
The necromancer waves his hand in a pattern while chanting a spell in an ancient tongue. The tome in hand flips pages rapidly and the doors to the mausoleum shake in place, the tiles of its roof falling. The orcs are getting restless.
The elf and the dwarf goes prone, staying as close to the ground as possible. You crawl over dead grass, rubble, and the odd skeleton. Your rifle has a range of two hundred yards. There are four hundred hard yards left.
You go slow, too slow in fact. Your rolls are good but they need to be better. You take three turns to get closer and by then -
The necromancer is almost finished with his spell.
The orcs begin to bash their weapons against their shield, cheering on. A great bolt of energy shoots forth from the sorcerer's hand, slamming into the mausoleum.
You have one turn left.
"I'm risking it!" says Sino.
You break cover and sprint the last hundred yards. You take a knee, aim, and fire. The crack echoes throughout the city.
You nail the necromancer right in his back. He falls down, the spell dies and the tome falls to the ground.
All heads turn towards the gunshot. You are out of cover, completely out in the open. The necromancer gets up and ignores his gaping wound. He orders the orcs to charge. They didn't need the squishy to tell them to do that.
Ten orcs charge the dwarf, a green tide of axes, scraps of metal and smelly death.
"I told ya' I hit him!"
Roll for initiative.
The orcs out-initiative you.
"Well crap."
The priestess and swordsman vault over the fence, yelling for Pina and the Guts God. The necromancer grabs his tome and begins the spell again.
The first orc reaches you, mace in hand. Your rifle is far too unwieldy. You use your Pistol proficiency to proc an Attack of Opportunity. Your flintlock blasts his kneecap open, felling but not killing him. Your second pistol shot however hits its mark.
The second orc hits you with his axe, rolling high for damage.
The elf sprints after you and launches herself off a gravestone to deliver another flying kick.
However, Argo misses - and lands amongst a trio of orcs. "Uh oh."
The Black Swordsman reaches the axe-orc that wounded Sino and cuts him down with his black blade. The priestess casts Lay on Hands on the dwarf.
There are eight orcs left. The necromancer continues his spell. "We need to kill him now!" says Argo before activates Evasion.
The three orcs swing at her and each swings twice. Argo bobs and weaves in a way that would make the great brawler, Mikal Ty'Son proud.
Of the six attacks only one hits you.
Sino moves into cover and begins the process of reloading her guns, spending a turn.
Silica moves into the range of Argo and rotates her out, activates Shieldwall. The swordsman engages the nearest orc and duels with him, sword against spear.
The next few turns of melee are brutal. Argo positions herself behind the orc that is fighting Kirito and lays into him. Sino fires at the orcs at the back currently hurling javelins, and nails one in the chest. Silica puts her head down behind her shield and prays that nothing hits her, considering she had the smallest health pool of them all.
"Shoulda invested more into Wounds," Silica says as a mace slams against her shield.
Turn by the turn, the orcs are defeated. The swordsman comes to Silica's rescue and when the heat is off the priestess, she starts swinging her flail. The last to die is the last javelin thrower, courtesy of a neck snap from Argo.
You are badly hurt and start the process of healing yourself. "Should have used your thing there, Sino," says Argo.
"Fools!" the Elusive One yells, reminding you that he was still alive. "With the champions of orckind under my command, the world will be mine!"
You sprint towards the necromancer. The dwarf loads another round but it is too late! The spell is finished. The doors to the mausoleum flies off its hinges, down the stairs.
The orc warlord emerges from his tomb, all eight feet of him. His bones are yellow but solid with strength, red eyes burn in his massive skull and his golden tusks shined in the sun. His long black hair still clutches to his scalp. He wields a simple but massive broadsword in his fist. His frame is powerful, despite being skeletal, and the warlord is covered with only a loincloth made of black dragonscales.
Hitcher came Krogan the uncivilised; black haired, crimson eyes, blade in hand; a sneak, raida', a killa', with gigantic gloom and gigantic glee, to tread the golden thrones of the earth under his armoured feet - once again!
"By Pina's scaly ass!" the priestess curses under her breath.
The undead warlord looks at the scene before him and says, "What the devil is going on?"
So did you guys hear that Netflix is trying to make a Conan show?
I think of the current chapters, this is the least humourous. It comes off as a very dungeon divey chapter, so I would appreciate if you folks tell me if the humour is sufficient, insufficient, or the like. I'm all for the action, but the humour should take center stage. Feel free to throw in ideas or things you'd like to see more of.