"The world is cruel, yet beautiful."

Chapter 8 - Cherish

The sensation in the other world was sudden and unexpected, practically tearing her out of her mental cage. Coated in sweat, a heavy inhale returned her back to presence. But the intensity of her hammering heart remained.

In dread, she realized. She was still sitting on the palm of the titan.

The titan that ate her.

Trembling in shock, she peeled her gaze off the ground of flesh to travel upwards from her own pair of feet.

And met the eyes of the titan.

The titan that ate her!

A scream, desperate and piercing, cut through the air as she crawled backwards, stopping only as she bumped into the barriers of flesh. Driven by nothing but blank panic, she didn't even notice them as she pressed herself deep into the flesh, trying but failing to gain as much distance from the giant face in front of her. As though her plead was heard, he jumped back in the same instant, yet it only added to her horror as he did so in a deafening roar of own surprise.

She panted, flat and quick like a rabbit and struggling to not hyperventilate, her gaze ever locked onto the monster in front. The monster that had put her through her worst nightmare. That was her worst nightmare. Her mind roiled in a storm of thoughts, a cacophony of alarm sirens that were silenced only by the heavy weight of confusion. With no doubt she would have jumped by now if she were to follow her instincts, but it was the load of questions that made her hesitate, for a single yet deciding second. It all made no sense to her! This titan was the very same that had put her through all her suffering, and yet he showed no signs of aggression! Ever since she'd waken from the trauma, he didn't even try to snatch her again! How could he eat her the one day and show gentleness the other?

How could she even be still alive!?

At this question, she stilled completely. She had been oblivious to the most obvious fact. She shouldn't be still alive. Couldn't be.

Was her memory just an illusion? It felt far too real to be an illusion. But it didn't make no sense!

Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt as the titan made a noise. Much to her bewilderment, it was no usual growl or grumble, but a high-pitched mewl, its tone soft but unmistakably questioning, and… chary? If that was not enough, she witnessed how his expression changed from the recent surprise to one that was just as confusing. With his forehead furrowing deeply and the ears drooping lower than thought possible, he sunk his head and looked up at her with round eyes, his gesture so awkwardly submissive that it reminded to a pleading puppy. A puppy of all things…! And yet she couldn't help but think that the expression was one of worry. It was the same grade of genuine concern that he showed her right before -

Finally, she put one and one together.

He… had been worried about her back then as well. He didn't intend to devour her… but to slow down the fall. To… safe her?

The questions in her head went unanswered as the titan gave another whimper, seemingly distressed by the time she had lain dead still by now. It must have been to gain her attention, because in the next moment she noticed a movement out of her periphery. Slowly, hesitatingly slowly, his other hand came closer all the while observing her in search for any signs of panic. Perhaps it was this cautiousness in his movement, or the softness in his expression that allowed her to keep her composure as she watched the hand approaching, its fingers curled loosely to appear as harmless as ever possible for them. She lay still, only flinching in the slightest even when she felt two fingers on her side. As if waiting for resistance, they held their position for several seconds before gently pushing under her spine. Crippled by a mixture of perplexity and angst, she submitted herself to the push until she was lifted to sit up again.

However, even when she was seated halfway secure, he didn't pull back his hand. Her stare of stupor reached a completely new level as they remained on her spine, their gentle push now moving and drawing circles on her back.

She almost forgot how to breathe again.

Was she… seriously… being petted?

With eyes wide as a deer's, she looked up to meet a timid smile.

She couldn't believe it. In all honesty, he was trying to comfort her.

Seeing her finally move again, the titan stilled in his caressing and added a steamy exhale of.. relief? Careful not to appear any more frightening than he could, he lifted her slowly to his eyes to scrutinize her one more time, just to make sure she was definitely freed from the bonds of shock. She could have sworn that his smile grew bigger as she blinked, but the moment was too short to be sure.

Much to her surprise, he then drew back entirely and straightened his spine to sit upright. For what felt like the first time in the last hour, the titan averted his gaze and looked to the far horizon, the relief following immediately as his attention was pulled off her for the moment. Only now, she wondered what would happen to her next, but before she could come up with an idea, she was lifted on the palm again.

Much to her surprise, she found herself edged to one shoulder.

She blinked incredulously, then looked back to make sure she was following his line of thought. With another meek smile and a reassuring nod, he signalled her to move on.

Her feet were still shaky from the recent events as she crawled up the large protrusion of the collarbone to peer down the giant's back. Though it was only about half of his full height, the seven meters that separated her from the ground could be enough to cause severe injuries. If she happened to fall onto hard stone, breaking a limb or two was quite definite.

A pointed snort woke her from her trance, causing her mind to snap back like a spring. Only now she noticed that she had been slowly shifting towards the edge, as if her feet had developed their own will. As if they wanted to end this for her own sake. Though a part of her was oddly charmed by his care for her safety, she remained unsure if to be grateful for him to intervene, or not.

Still feeling weary about the whole situation, she turned slowly and tried to steady herself on the sturdy neck. It was more difficult than expected, given the remarkable inclination of the muscle, and she considered shifting to the end where the shoulder joint was rather flat. But from that point he would be able to face her fully, and she was actually grateful for some privacy.

Decidedly, she moved closer to the head, considering to hold on to a strand of hair but quickly thinking better of it. She didn't want to risk any offense, the mere thought about his possible reaction sufficing to send prickles down her spine. Instead, she repositioned her feet onto the protruding collarbone for additional support.

Once seated in a halfway secure position, she slacked her shoulders to take in a deep breath. That was fucking tough, but it seemed like she had passed the test. At least she was still alive, so it couldn't be that bad, right?

Feeling ready to face reality once more, she finally lifted her gaze. All that was to be seen however was the massive frame of the titan's head. It was still tilted towards her, ears straight up in attentiveness as he tried to catch as much of a glimpse of her as possible. But something about it was odd. His face was unusually dark, too dark to make up any details of the features and surface. Even the jaw was seemingly disguised by a thick layer of darkness. The only visible hint was a greenish flicker, a fleet glint of one emerald eye as it blinked repeatedly.

By the time that she came up with an idea, the titan turned his head to the front again.

She gasped in surprise, throwing up an arm in defense and squinting her eyes shut as they were hit by intense sunlight. The sudden change had caught her off-guard, but it was nothing compared to the surprise that followed as the ground started to quake repeatedly. Instinctively, she reached for the hair to avoid falling off, noticing belatedly that she would most likely be punished for pulling at him. But his only reaction was a deep grumble that went chopped in the same pattern as the quakes, that could only be described as…

chuckle…? Was he laughing at her?

The trembling stopped abruptly as she looked at him with wide eyes, and he was surprisingly quick in averting his gaze, as though he realized that his reaction was out of place. From her point of view, there was not much to be seen except the back side of his jaw, yet she could swear to have seen its muscle being pulled upwards.

Unbelievable. He was really smiling. He had a sense of humour.

A moment longer she stared in perplexity, until she found her ability to redirect her gaze again. Now that her eyes were adapted to the light, she finally followed the titan's line of sight, focusing on what lay before.

And was rewarded with nothing short of a breath-taking view.

From the top of the titan's shoulder, she could see over the canopies that lay outstretched to her feet like a vast lake of leaves. They must have been situated on a knoll of sorts, for she could see even further than from the shelter cave, overlooking now a large proportion of the valley. Outlines of multiple hills emerged from the ground, adding structure to the homogenous composition of broadleaf forest. It was intermixed with more conifers the more it gained in altitude, their dense coat breaking open only at a few places were bare rock and earth claimed space as well. Most impressive however was the sun which stood low on the horizon, setting behind the massive mountain chain and coating the valley in warm shades of orange. The scenery flaunted with intense contrasts between the long shadows and the saturated light of the sky's afterglow, that painted the world in the generous scatter of a pastel artist. Despite the still-present awareness of her insecure situation, she failed to suppress a smile. Being able to see this view, perched on the shoulder of an apparently gentle giant, came near to nothing short of a dream. The unfamiliar sense of mirth was almost worth the troubles she had gone through.

Resting assured that the titan was still caught up in the scenery as well, she used the opportunity to investigate the strand of wiry hair. It felt thick and strong, suiting the rest of titan's built. But to her actual intrigue, it was not gross in any way. A bit dusty for sure, considering that he had wrung on the floor the other day, but not as much covered in filth and grease as to be expected from a creature that would most likely never take a bath. Just like his skin, it didn't look worn in any way, probably an effect of their quick regeneration rate. Or perhaps because they didn't sweat in any way.

Cautious to not catch his attention, she let go of her grip, allowing herself to lean back onto her arms instead. Still wary of what he might intend to do next, she watched the titan closely for several more minutes. Only as she found no indication of him moving again, she finally relaxed a bit, taking in the crisp air and even closing her eyes to relish in the rays of light, though not stopping to keep her attention locked onto any hint of giant movement. The air was refreshing but not too cold yet thanks to the enjoyable warmth of the sunlight in her face and the heat radiating up from beneath her palms and legs. Admittedly, it reminded of being wrapped in a cuddly blanket on a wintry day, the thought surprising her as she found that his heat was actually comfortable. The air was filled with the excited calls of blackbirds that sought community to spend the night, but they fell short compared to the giant breaths. Oddly enough, its slow rhythm was smooth and calming in a way, and when focusing on it, she could even feel the slight lift of his frame and the force of the moving winds in the pair of lungs. Despite the breath being inhumanly slow, there was no mistaking the power behind it.

Intrigued by the overwhelming amount of details that came with being so close to the creature, her senses started to wander, gathering all the clues that were to be found. Once she listened closely enough, she could find a second rhythm coming from the neck next to her, a more muffled yet not less powerful throbbing.

A heartbeat.

She frowned a bit as she noticed it. The heartbeat was surprisingly quick, unnaturally quick for a creature of his size. But then again, there was no doubt that titan physiology was not comparable to the human one. Given their higher body temperature it made sense in a way. Their metabolism was presumably quicker to cope with the large amount of energy.

Perhaps it was just her imagination, but now that she listened closely, it seemed as if his breathing was changing in speed. And the heartbeat, too felt somewhat more intense under her palms.

In wonder, she opened her eyes again, flinching a bit in surprise as she found one large eye watching her from its corner. He had paid attention not to turn too much, to not distract her by casting a shadow. But now that she suddenly looked, he turned back quickly. As foolish as it sounded, it almost appeared as if he was embarrassed to have peeked at her.

The thought made her snicker silently into herself. If she didn't know any better, on could have interpreted all of this sunset-staging as the advance of a suitor. A super cheesy one on top. It was so absurd that she couldn't even help but giggle at the thought.

Not failing to notice her quelled chortles, the titan turned to peek back yet again. Her mirth then subsided as she scrutinized. Even with his face remaining mostly hidden from her, and despite the possible illusion by reddened light, she could swear to see a hint of blush on his cheek and tapered ears.

She turned deadly serious again.

"Wait… Don't tell me… D-did you.. plan this?"

The turn was immediate, though minor successful, given the fact that he couldn't actually gain distance to her. But if that wasn't an answer already, he couldn't suppress to shuffle a bit in discomfort, the movement forcing her to steady herself on one of the strands again. He grumbled something undecipherable, but kept his head tilted to the other side, appearing oddly uncertain all of a sudden.

Holy shit. So he was embarrassed, now that she had seen through his plan…? He had picked this spot on purpose? Assumed that she would like watching the sunset? But even if so, what should she think of it? Of course it what kind of… nice...? ...she guessed? Oddly enough, it seemed as if he was trying to please her. But then? What was the big idea behind that? Why should he be interested in gaining her trust? After all, there was only little that she had to offer a titan, if anything at all.

In a vain attempt to make up her mind, she let out a muffled sigh, resting her gaze on the scenery in repose. In silence, they watched the sun gradually lowering until it finally disappeared behind the mountains, the titan seemingly enchanted by the play of colours as well. As the spectacle was over however, taciturnity started to grow awkward again. Of course, there was a pile of questions that urged to be answered, but knowing just how dismissive he had reacted to personal questions, she didn't want to risk another offense. Thus, she decided for a topic that she deemed safe to ask. Clearing her throat, she gained the giant's attention quite immediately.

"So, eh.. how long did I sleep? I hope it wasn't more than a day?"

The titan gave a simple nod, making her wonder if it was meant as "yes, it wasn't more" or "yes, it was more." But judging the sense of comfort in the softened eyes, it was likely the first option. Hopefully.

She made a mental note to ask precise questions in future. But despite the relieve of knowing about time, her heart clearly lightened in excitement. It was so amazing, a titan that could really understand her! The scouts would go nuts upon this finding!

She opened her mouth to ask another question as the words fell dead on her tongue. The moment of bliss was cut short as another realization hit her, her eyes widening in shock.

"oh god…"

It was not more than whiff in the wind, and yet it couldn't escape his uncannily sharp senses. With a question lined on his forehead, he reassured her of his full attention, and worried interest.

"I… you…"

She glanced at him, but broke off eye-contact in the very next moment as she feared to know the answer already. Instead she looked to a vague point in far distance, not daring to meet his eyes again as she tensed in preparation for what was to come.

"Did you… understand me…" she swallowed forcefully.

"y-yesterday…?"

A few seconds crawled by with the titan pondering about the unprecise query, but eventually he got the point. Knowing exactly where she came from he then dipped his chin, the skin around the molars pulling into an evil smirk in cunning with the eyes narrowing dangerously. A curt nod sent her blood downwards in humiliation, assuring her that she had just signed her death contract in reminding him of her rant.

"Oh.. Fuck… oh fuck I'm so sorry..!" She raised a hand to shield off her face, wishing for the Earth to devour her right here and now

"I-I.. had no idea! If only I knew I would have never ever-!"

Her piteous apology was cut off as the titan's body shook again, the intensity of the tremors forcing her to steady herself as he cackled in his own awkward way. Seeing it as a laughter of malice, she folded inwards in defence as he lifted a hand in reach for her.

Much to her bewilderment, he only tapped her shoulder with a reassuring drone.

"Wait. You.. are not mad at me?" She dared to look again, witnessing how he slowly but softly shook his head.

"B-but… oh my…"

Dumbfounded would be quite an understatement to describe her look. Though it succeeded partly in easing her state of mind, this titan's attitudes were so incredibly gentle that she felt guilty for having even considered him to be the vile beast he appeared to be. She had done him so wrong. All the time she had misinterpreted him for being evil where there never was any bad at all. She could have spared all the struggle of being chased if she'd only seen him as what he was… If she'd only succumbed to her fate instead of upsetting him with her resistance.

Her mind struggled under all the "if"s and "if only she had"s. But most of all, she had just made herself ridiculous in front of the titan. How she wished for the light to shut off, to hide her cheeks that were surely radiating red.

Another breeze passed by, now prickling on her skin as it became chilly with the faded light. She shivered a bit, pulling tighter the worn jacket as she watched a flock of geese in the distance, happy for any distraction she could get. The titan must have noticed her little shake, for he gave a soft rumble soon after and lifted a hand to place it to her feet again.

Without much of another thought, she took the silent signal to move and sat down on the palm's centre, feeling a small sense of pride as she faced the front of his face this time without a shudder. With the newly gained freedom to move, the titan stretched his back and neck a bit, making apparent that he had tried to sit still all the while she was seated. Instead of lowering her to the ground however, he slowly got up to his feet, and for a moment she wondered if she would ever were to set foot on the ground again.

Warily, she inched closer to the edge, ignoring the suspecting growl as she craned her neck to look down. The sense of doubt was soon replaced by amazement as she followed the line of the towering legs. Of course, being situated in high elevations was nothing new to her, but this was completely different. Now that the crippling fear was finally over, she had to admit that it was pretty fucking awesome.

"This is… amazing…" She muttered to herself, earning a pointed huff of the titan. His eyes twinkled as they took up her mirth, giving a short grunt of acknowledgement and an own lopsided smile. Then he ushered her back to the centre of the palm before turning to the direction they had come from. She gasped a bit at the impact of the steps, that jostled her back and forth until she steadied herself on the fingers. It would certainly take some time to get used of this kind of travelling, but it was amazing nonetheless.

The chilling breeze was replaced by a draft with every of the giant's steps. The two of them entered the aisle once again, heading back to where they had come from, she assumed. Darkness lay over the grassy ground and in between the trunks, filling their gaps insubstantially. The brisk rummaging of squirrels and birds was nowhere to be heard anymore, a clear sign that the forest's inhabitants had now put themselves to rest. She wondered how long the titan would be able to move on before he would fall to stasis. She had always assumed that they would freeze immediately with sundown, but this one seemed to defy the principles. Then again, he was definitely stronger than normal titans, so it was no miracle that he could endure longer than them. Most likely, he would also fall into stasis at some point, perhaps as soon as it was completely dark.

She tried to throw a glance at him, the outlines of his face dark and blurred in the forest's shade. His eyes however flickered from time to time, undoubtedly shooting glances at her, as if fearing she could disappear if left unattended. But he never missed to add a softened smile when she looked back. Reading his tiny changes of attitude, it was obvious that he tried to appear nice. It was oddly heart-warming in a way.

With the change of pace, they made their way back in a matter of minutes. She couldn't deny a wave of relieve as they stepped into the small clearing that still provided some remnants of light. Not that she was one of the overly anxious type – as long as she didn't find herself on the brink of death, that was - but being out in dark forests was still a bit eery. Perhaps because she was told to avoid it over and over as a child, but more likely because her mind was still twinging in little doubts about the titan and his attitudes. After all, she only knew him for only a day or two. She was wise to stay vigilant no matter what.

Upon reaching the rock face, the titan lowered his hand to the shelter cave - obviously her designated resting place. As she turned to face him again, she was surprised to see him turn as well and walk off into the dark.

Was he ditching her already?

"W-wait! Where are you going?" She stepped to the rim, unable to move further.

The words went unanswered, but the titan then stopped in front of the treeline. Branches rustled loudly as he presumably grabbed one tree, or reached for something in between them? What on earth was he doing there?

A low hum emanated his throat as he turned to come back to her, wearing a lopsided grin as he emptied the content of his cupped hands behind her.

It was… a pile of oak leaves.

"Uuhm…" she started, eyeing the pile suspiciously before meeting his that sparkled in expectancy.

"Oh! I see. You made me a… bed? To sleep on?"

He nodded enthusedly, the grin widening to an awkward degree.

"Well, thanks. That's very kind of you. I'll sure use it later, alright?"

The titan hummed in approval, obviously pleased. Without as much of a warning, he dropped onto his knees to be just above eye-level with her, the quake enough for her to topple backwards. He then continued to look down on her, the pupils dilated in the low light as they looked at her expectantly. With his fingers holding to the edge of the rim, he reminded of a kid at a toy shop. Or more adequately, a zoo.

Her smile faltered a bit as she found herself corroded by doubt again. Did he intend to keep her as pet..? Did she just put herself into the hands of her own captor? The mirth in his eyes sure looked real, but it could as well be the mirth of a kid that found itself a new toy….

But.. that didn't make sense.. right? If he wanted to keep her as some cruel property, he wouldn't have left her to choose, would he? He could have forced her stay, but he didn't. If anything, he had risked to lose her when leaving her alone. So his intention must really be to win her trust… To befriend her..

She scrutinized the glimmering Greens, searching deep for any hints of malevolent intent, but they remained inscrutable. All they contained was blissful ease, his expression so near to being loving that she dismissed any thought of him being possibly vicious. Yes, there was no doubt that he didn't mean any harm. She'd be safe with him.

The sunlight had faded almost completely by now and was slowly replaced by the pale light of the moon. His outlines seemed softened as they started to fade into the night. But the eyes held a luminance that was nothing short of marvellous, as if gathering and storing the remaining light, a soft beacon amidst darkness.

Following a sudden intuition, she lifted an arm, only partly aware of her own movement. A rush of excitement poured through her veins, but was quickly replaced by nervousness as it became fully evident what she had just done. The titan's eyes, too, widened at the gesture as he switched his gaze between her face and the miniscule, now slightly trembling hand in front of him. He hesitated, as if being uncertain on how to read the situation. Perhaps he didn't know what it meant? Oh, thank gods! If he didn't understand, she could withdraw without appearing rude or anxious. It was an awful idea from the very beginni-

Oh, how she hated herself in that moment.

Slowly, cautiously, the titan's head lowered to her level, apparently very well aware of what she had just requested. She forced a gulp in between her shortening breath, trying to stay as valiant as ever possible in such a situation. By the time that she heard his hair brushing over the ground, she witnessed how the Greens hid themselves behind darkness, and she, too closed her eyes, though not in bliss or relaxation but in a cramped squint. Like a child that waited for its punishment, she gritted her teeth and tensed in a poor attempt to hide her head in between the shoulders.

After what seemed like an eternity of anticipation, a warm sensation finally met her palm. Leathery skin pressed itself against her hand, softly as it seemed impossible for a beast of his size. As she dared to move again, her eyes widened at what she witnessed.

She was touching the bridge of his nose.

…

She blinked in disbelief.

…

She was petting a titan.

A human petting a titan.

The first human petting a titan.

She remembered to breathe, and in the very next moment a wide grin cracked over her face.

She couldn't believe it. She was befriending a titan. She had befriended a titan!

Unable to suppress her state of elation, a broken laughter escaped her throat, followed by another and another. In a state of pure exhilaration, she even dared to move her hand, stroking over the heated skin to make sure that this was really happening.

At the sounds, or perhaps her movement the titan's eyes peeked a curt glimpse before shutting close again as he gave a low and intense rumble, the vibrations tickling in her fingers and advancing through her arm and every fibre of her form. Her heart fluttered in excitement as her jaw went almost slack.

A… purr? Was that… really…

Without as much as a warning, the titan pressed his face further into her, sending her down to the bud with the unexpected nudge. If he noticed her surprised gasp, he wouldn't have shown it. Minus a chance to stand up again, she was nuzzled to the ground with another avid purr, enveloped in heavy breaths. Needless to say, being cuddled by a titan was absolutely enthusing.

She laughed and giggled as she continued to rub his nose "It's alright, bud. I think I like you, to-"

Her grin froze in place as the titan suddenly pulled back, her cheer falling abruptly as the jaw parted right above her. She was barely given enough time to raise her arms in protection before she found herself brushed by the huge tip of his tongue, coated now in heat and dampness. Though she was surprised not to be caught by gruesome memories this time, her current state of shock was just about the same.

He must have noticed her frame going rigid, for the titan stopped dead just before reaching her face, frozen in his posture for a full second before retreating quickly. His ears drooped in a soft whine as he looked ashamed, the eyes holding an expression of apology. He knew that he had gone too far, and judging his look he was now worried to have crossed a line.

Upon feeling able to move again, she wiped her clothes to get rid of the disgusting fluid, then forced a crooked smile in reassurance as she scrambled her way back to the feet.

"It's ok… I'm just a bit… overwhelmed. But I see that you meant well. Right?

The titan nodded swiftly, giving another whine in excuse. Instead of nuzzling her again, he then lifted a hand to gently ruffle her hair with a finger, showing remorse for the rash behaviour.

"I-I'm fine, thanks." She laughed again, oddly charmed by the excessive amount of comforting that was still strange yet strangely familiar, and it might have been her imagination, but it seemed as though he maintained the contact just a little longer than needed to only convey an apology, before retreating to his initial upright posture. Much to her surprise, he lifted his hand again in a gesture that came very close to a wave, before turning and supporting himself against the wall like he had done before.

"Well... uh… good night then… titan" she said, looking down the edge of the precipice.

He gave a quick glance as he muttered a response. Seeing the large round eyes looking up from below was certainly a rare occasion, close to cute in an odd way. With one last smile, she waved back to him before turning to lay down on the heap of leaves.

Too many thoughts whirred through her mind, making sleep difficult. Of course, she was still worried about the future, as she was left groping in the dark about what would happen next. But at least it seemed like she was out of immediate danger. It was a promising start for once, one that shooed away any bad apprehensions. Finally. And if she succeeded in gaining the titan's trust, perhaps she could persuade him to help her. Perhaps, she could even uncover the biggest mystery in the history of humankind.

She smiled a bit as she thought back at the tremendous achievements of the day.

At long last it seemed like she could finally cherish hopes.