A/N Sorry for the long wait! I'm never satisfied with what I write. I hope you enjoy this! It moves away from the story a little.

Chapter 7

She couldn't believe her eyes when she first saw the video. Her baby girl was alright and looked just as healthy as she had been when she was in Gilead. Though she had gotten so big. Tears gathered in her eyes and a feeling of relief came over her, mixed with longing. Before now she hadn't known if Nichole was even alive, but this picture proved it. The man with Nichole she recognized as June's husband, which meant that she was in good hands.

This might also give her a chance to meet up with Mark again, to get to Canada. Technically Nichole was theirs and therefore this was a kidnapping. Canada would have to talk to them in some way to sort this out, unless they wanted all forces of Gilead upon them. They had asked June to call Luke and arrange a meeting between Serena and Nichole. She agreed to do it, not that she had much of a choice, and Serena agreed to bring a package for Luke to return the favor. As the plane started descending she still couldn't fathom that within the hour she would be holding her baby girl again. Granted, she wouldn't get to bring her home or stay with her, but just seeing for herself that Nichole was okay was enough. Though, Serena was unsure of how she'd be able to say goodbye one more time. Mark stood waiting when she exited the aircraft and she took the hand he offered her.

"Before the meeting I need you to get into more comfortable clothes," Mark told her, and she knew that the other reason to change her outfit was to protect her from the Canadians.

"Of course," she said and followed him to the staff's dressing room.

Mark waited outside as she changed herself out of the hideous teal dress and grabbed a pair of jeans that looked so comfortable in comparison to what she had been wearing these last couple of years. Pre-Gilead she also chose to wear jeans and some sweater and it felt so good to feel the texture of the fabric in her hands as she put them on.

"Have you considered the offer I made you?" He asked through the door. "I was hoping that's why you wanted to come here… I mean, aside from seeing the kid."

"If I did agree, how do you suppose it'd work?" She wondered, halting slightly in her movements.

"Well, I could help you seek asylum in Canada, or wherever you'd want to go," he told her and she didn't doubt he would help her like that. She saw something in him that she hadn't seen in Fred since Gilead was created. "But I would need something in return."

Serena wasn't surprised about this since he'd asked for her story last time she was here. She finished putting the blouse on and opened the door to look at him. "What do you need?"

"We want your husband," he told her bluntly, not beating around the bush.

"My husband?" Serena repeated, staring into Mark's eyes.

"We think the first step to taking down Gilead is to arrest your husband. He's a powerful leader, and a war criminal," Mark explained and Serena still looked shocked and probably quite dumbfounded. "Did he do that to you?" Mark suddenly asked, nodding to the missing finger and she followed his gaze and quickly put her hand behind her back. Rita had made a sort of cast to cover the stump, appearing as if she still had five fingers, but Mark saw through that. "What happened?"

Serena hesitated for a moment, not knowing if she could open up to him. She liked the idea of her husband being locked up, even if she couldn't imagine how they would accomplish that or how to live a life without him. "I read the Bible," the words came out as a mumble, as if she was embarrassed to tell him, because in Gilead that was something to be embarrassed of.

The look crossing his face was one of fury. And not the same fury as Fred always had when she'd said something wrong, the one where she now knew would punish her somehow because he was so displeased with her. Mark's fury wasn't directed at her, she trusted him enough to be sure of that. She wasn't afraid of him for some reason. Sure, he was a big threat to Gilead, but as she'd realized, so was she. Even if she had helped to create their country. Everything had been lies though. Serena had thought she was the problem when they couldn't get pregnant, but after speaking to Mark the first time, she believed that might not be the case.

"I want to help you, Serena," he finally said, trying to calm his own anger. "You shouldn't have to live like that. Help me take him down." She looked down momentarily and looked up when he reached out his hand toward her, holding a cellphone that she was supposed to take. She hesitated before agreeing to take it, shoving it quickly into her bag as if someone in Gilead was witnessing this crime. "With this you can contact me anytime you want."

Serena let out a sigh and it was as if something inside of her dropped, some sort of relief of knowing that she wouldn't have to be alone anymore. She'd always have someone to talk to. And soon all of this would be over.

"Praised be," she said as a thank you and gave him a small and rare smile. She didn't smile much anymore and to be honest, this felt pretty good.

"Alright, I think it's time to get going. Luke is probably waiting," he said and she nodded, running a hand through her hair to fix any wild strands.

He was at the airport and she didn't miss the security around them as if she'd suddenly decide to steal back her baby. She didn't want that. She wanted this life for Nichole, where she could grow up as a healthy little girl and have a normal childhood. Serena didn't blame Luke for the attitude he held against her, even if she wished he could just be civil for Nichole's sake. Serena was after all part of the reason she'd gotten there, even if she hadn't made any of the plans.

All she wanted right now was to hold her baby, to smell the hair and feel her small hand in hers, but Luke seemed reluctant to let Nichole go, especially to Serena. Serena didn't think of herself as an evil person. Sure, she'd done a lot of things she wished she could take back, but she wasn't evil. Though, Luke treated her like she was the very source of all evil itself.

Serena didn't care that Luke was spitting venom at her, as long as she was holding Nichole. A smile grew on her face when her daughter was in her arms again and she could barely hear anything Luke said anymore. She was just happy. Nichole had gotten so big since the last time she saw her and Serena promised herself she wouldn't miss too much of her growing up.

Though, the rational side told her that she wouldn't get to keep Nichole, that she'd be June's in the end and that Serena would get visitation rights every other week at best. Mark had said that if she was free she could get her own child, one that grew inside of her instead of a surrogate. In Serena's world that seemed so farfetched, like was that even possible? What if she could get pregnant? Nichole was her world right now and she wasn't sure she would be able to let her baby go in exchange for another. She would love both of them equally.

But she still wanted this more than anything. How she had envied June when she was pregnant, feeling the baby kick inside and the little peanut growing. That might happen for her too. A thought about Mark being the possible father entered her head and a blush bloomed across her face, forcing her to go back to reality and the girl in her lap. The fact that she managed to even have some kind of conversation with Luke was beyond her. Of course she wished he wasn't there to fill her head with self-doubt.

But he had all the rights to do so after everything she'd done to his wife.

"You should know that I protected your wife," she blurted out, needing him to believe she was trying to do better, but that only caused him to worry even more about June and she instantly regretted saying anything.

"It's time," Mark interrupted them like the lifesaver he was. She glanced to the beautiful man and then back to her friend's husband, her face screaming apologies.

Before she left she managed to slip him the tape recorder June had handed to her, probably the only reason she had helped set up this meeting. This trip had worked exactly like she'd wanted it too and she couldn't be happier, even if the meeting with Luke hadn't gone down very well. Soon her miserable life would come to an end and her husband would pay the prize. Most people would probably argue that she deserved the same fate as her husband, and maybe they were right, but she hadn't enjoyed doing any of it. She had just told herself that this was necessary for her to get her baby. The ceremonies, the rapes, wasn't what she had envisioned when the creation of Gilead started. When she talked about women needing to step up as surrogates, she had imagined insemination. Never like this. The ceremonies was the men's perverted idea. She was also uncomfortable, not as much as the handmaids, and people wanted her to resist, to refuse the ceremony, but what would happen then? She would be put on the wall and Fred would marry some fifteen years old girl and they would just keep going.

When she landed Fred was there to pick her up and she had to force herself to play nice with him, to put on a facade of that perfect wife everyone expected her to be. He'd treated her differently, though, since she came back after their house burned down, or tried to. There was still the fact that he kept belittling her during the council meetings, but other than that he was trying to get on her good side. So much that he told her he'd do anything to get their baby back, and since he knew she was the one who sent Nichole away, she kept telling him that this meeting changed her. And it had. Just not in the way her husband believed. To him their quest to get Nichole back would start today, but for her this was a quest to put the last nails into his coffin.

That's what she needed to tell Mark about later that day, when she was finally left alone in her room since Fred needed to make arrangements for a broadcasting he had planned. That was how they'd reach out to Canada. She knew June would hate her for this, but she didn't know if she should let her in on the secret yet. Serena knew she could trust the other woman, but for some reason she was worried Fred would notice something off with their behavior toward each other.

Her hand was a little shaky as she picked up the cell phone Mark had gotten for her, with one single number on. She was on her knees by her bed, her elbows on the covers, as she pressed his number and put it to her ear. Swallowing hard, trying to erase her nervousness, she waited for someone to pick up. She couldn't remember when she'd used a cellphone last.

"Serena?" His surprised voice sounded after the third signal, and suddenly she had no idea why she was even calling him. "Hello?"

"Hello," she finally said, feeling incredibly awkward in a way she'd never felt before.

He was quiet for a moment, expecting her to continue, but she had no idea where to start. Just being in that house again had all kinds of emotions overwhelming her. "Is everything alright?" He wondered, concern evident in his voice.

"Yes… Yes," she said two times, glancing behind her quickly before continuing. "Fred wants to get Nichole back."

A moment of silence, of taking in her words, before he answered. "And how is he going to do that?"

"They're planning a broadcasting tonight to plead that you, I mean Canada, give her back to us," she told him, her voice nearly a whisper. "I think he's trying to make it up to me after the finger incident and the fire so I won't leave him."

"As if you have a choice," he scoffed and she could hear the anger building up in him.

"I almost did. After I set the house on fire I went to my mother's house by the coast and refused to go home, no matter how many times Fred called."

"You set the house on fire?" She hadn't realized her slip-up, but there was no accusation in his voice, only admiration.

She was silent for a few moments, not knowing how much she could share with him, but her guts told her he wouldn't use this against her, not like Fred would. "I just couldn't do it anymore," she said with a shrug. "I knew I couldn't just leave him… Wives can't just leave their husbands. I was preparing to burn that day, knowing Nichole would be safe and all, but June saved me."

"I'm sorry, Serena. I know that doesn't make anything better, but I want you to know that I am. And I want to get you out of there before anything else happens, before you lose another finger."

His words did make things better. They didn't change what happened with her husband and what was going on inside their walls, but she was filled with a hope she hadn't felt in so long and just knowing that someone cared enough to say they were sorry, made her feel loved. That's another feeling she hadn't had in a long time, one that she had missed.

"I think Fred is worried it'll happen again. He's being unusually kind to me and pretends to want to hear my voice, but I can tell it's not real."

"So what happened? Why did you go back to him?" He wondered and it was a question she had expected from him, especially when she had almost succeeded in leaving him.

"Well, my mother wasn't happy of course," she said and rolled her eyes as if he could see her. "She wanted me to go back since I would be an embarrassment otherwise." He hummed in agreement, not because he thought so too, but because he knew that it just didn't happen in their world. She checked behind her, paranoid that someone would be listening in before she spoke even quieter. "June wanted me to help her. She even got me a place at the council's…"

There was a knock on the door and Serena quickly put her phone under the pillows and put her hands together. The door opened without an invitation and without even turning around she knew the visitor was her husband.

"I thought I heard something," he said, his dark voice almost echoing through her chamber. She turned around slightly and saw him searching through the room.

"I was praying," she told him and it looked like he believed her because the truth would be so farfetched that not even Serena would've believed it if the story was being told to her.

"Nick is waiting for us," he said instead. "We're leaving."

Serena glanced toward the pillow where her most recent sin lay, before slowly standing up. She felt bad not saying goodbye to Mark, but she couldn't do anything about that now. Instead she turned toward Fred and ran a hand over her hair, checking to make sure her bun was still perfect. Fred offered her his hand and she reluctantly accepted it, following him outside. It was showtime.