I'm back at it with my 90's films, even though I being naughty and doing the same film twice. This was the main song from the film Mermaids (1990), originally written in like 1960 by Rudy Clark, but because it was rerecorded by Cher in 1990 for the film, it still counts. This chapter has The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss) – Cher.

Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.

Light In The Dark

'Or is it in his face? Oh no! That's just his charms! In his warm embrace, oh no, that's just his arms! If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss!'

Katniss smiles wide to herself as she taps her foot along to the music in the waiting room, biting down on the inside of her cheek to control how insane she must look.

The song is an all to present reminder of the fact that she kissed Peeta two nights ago on the Saturday in his back garden. They had finally given into the tension that gripped them, admitting that they both wanted each other. Well, he admitted that he had been wishing on the North Star for her, and she had admitted she wanted him to kiss her. He most certainly did.

To her, that's admitting way too much. But she did it anyway, and the results were certainly worth waiting for.

His lips were soft and warm, tasting of the red wine they had been drinking, and although it was short, it was enough. They had kissed a few times, every one of them short and leaving them both wanting more but neither of them willing to go any further.

Things were still so new, and they didn't want to push anything too far.

Peeta didn't want to push her because he was scared of making her afraid and having her run, and she didn't want to move fast because she didn't feel ready for that yet. It took all she had not to run away when they'd kissed, terrified she had done it wrong or he was disgusted to be kissing someone like her, but it was perfect, or so he assured her.

Perfect.

Definitely not a word Katniss Everdeen would ever associate with herself.

After, they had stared up at the stars, and he fascinated her with more facts on the constellations above them, before he'd dropped her back to Finnick and Annie's. Well, not it's her home too but she hasn't quite mastered calling it that yet.

She hadn't seen him since, due to him being busy at work and her just as busy, working a double shift on Sunday so she could have Monday off, but she'd received plenty of texts from him this morning. It's Monday now, and she hasn't felt this nervous in years.

In her life, she's only ever had one job interview and it was for the diner she worked in back home. She hasn't got any previous experience for the job and in truth; she has no clue what to say. She's not entirely sure why she even came, she didn't apply for the job, Effie offered her an interview and Katniss had jumped at the chance. To have the chance to possibly do something other than wait on tables, the chance to do something different.

If she's completely honest, her kiss with Peeta was one of the main reason she'd called Effie to arrange an interview time. It would sound juvenile and irrational if she was to speak it aloud, but their kiss had propelled her, plainly because she thought he deserved better. She still does.

She knows she'll never be completely deserving of him, with his kind, positive outlook towards everything and his unwavering support, but at least she can change the things she is in control of. He's far more intelligent than her, has more friends and is all around a better person, but she can change the small thing of her job to at least be that bit more suited to him. Surely anything is a step up from being a waitress in Sae's diner because she couldn't afford a room anywhere and she worked mostly for free until she moved out of the B&B.

Even sat next to the other people going for interviews makes her feel inadequate.

There are three other people in the room, one of them a smallish girl who can't be more than eighteen, with dark hair, in a strange sort of ponytail that has hair ties sectioning it off into four parts, and freckles adorning her cheeks- her phone case has the name Clove on it, which she assumes is her name. The other is a woman who is possibly older than her, though not by much, though she is far smaller than even Katniss and the other girl, with amber eyes and sleek red hair, whom in the back of her mind she's calling Foxface. Last is a skinny young man, though he is tall, who has short light brown hair and green eyes, whom Katniss had heard on the phone before and learned his name was Marvel.

They're all wearing what is typically worn to interviews, with Marvel in a sleek blue suit that she supposes looks okay, though in her eyes he's trying too hard, whilst Clove is in a peach coloured form fitting dress that Katniss wishes she could even look half as good in, the necklace squared which she usually hates but that suits the other girl well. Foxface though, in Katniss's eyes, is the one she would pick if she were the one doing interviews, as she's wearing quite possibly the most gorgeous light blue blouse and black trousers. She looks like someone who could get things done, intelligent yet with common sense too.

Katniss looks like none of them, sat there in the uncomfortable hospital chair with a burgundy skirt stopping at her knees that she's paired with a neat white blouse and black blazer, all of the items she's borrowed from Madge, one of the waitresses at work – who was kind enough to allow her to have them for today.

Her foot taps on the cold, hard, floors of the waiting room, her eyes nervous as she thinks of having to be interviewed. It's been so long, she's no good at this. What if she screwed it up? What if she doesn't get another chance? What if Effie changes her opinion on Katniss? What if she somehow gets the job and is no good at it? Too many thoughts are rolling around in her mind, so many that she gets a migraine.

"Katniss Everdeen," Someone calls, and she glances up to see a dark skinned man with no hair on his head looking straight at her as he walks over, and she immediately stands, shaking his hand when it's offered. "I'm Joseph Boggs, I'm one of the people doing the interview with you today."

"Hi, Katniss." She greets, though he already knows that and she grimaces at how stupid she must sound. "But you knew that."

From behind her, she hears the girl named Clove snicker but she ignores it as the man leads her away into a large room with a table in the middle, chairs surrounding it, probably usually used for meetings. "It's fine to be a little nervous, Effie tells me you're new in town." He closes the door behind her once she's inside before gesturing for her to sit down.

"Uh, yeah, I moved here two months ago." Katniss tells him with a small smile, sitting down and crossing one leg over the other, her back straight as she knows- from Peeta's coaching- that Effie hates slouching, though she's not sure where Effie is.

As if by magic, the door opens to reveal Effie, her heels clicking loudly as she rushes into the room and takes the seat next to the man, but not before shaking Katniss's hand of course. Manners always come first. "I apologise for my tardiness, I promise you I am not usually late." She sets the files she was holding down on the table.

Waving it off, Katniss gives her a nervous smile. "It's fine, I was here twenty minutes early anyway."

"Well, I must say, I love the punctuality, much better than mine today." Effie jokes, opening up the files she had brought into the room with her. "There was a mix up in a ward and then our interview room got changed last minute- such a hassle."

Boggs offers her a smile before he takes a small device from his pocket. "Just as standard protocol, we record interviews to go over them later, is that alright?"

"Of course." She nods, straightening her posture, even though she hasn't moved an inch since she sat down, as Boggs presses record on the device and says a bunch of numbers she assumes will be used to file her interview, though she's too nervous to listen to them properly.

After a few standard questions that she has no problem answering, for example, her full name and date of birth, she begins to relax slightly, as both Boggs and Effie have friendly demeanors and make jokes to keep the atmosphere pleasant and somehow casual. "What are some of your strengths?" Boggs asks.

She blanks.

For a whole thirty seconds, she just stares at them, her mouth gaped open as she tries to think of anything, anything at all, good about herself, before she does a small laugh to attempt to alleviate the panic she feels. "I...am very flexible? And apparently I'm punctual as I learned today." She jokes, making Effie smile encouragingly at her. "I work hard, I don't mind doing extra shifts or anything."

Writing something down on the small book he had in front of him, Boggs asks another, this one far, far too easy for her to answer. "What are your weaknesses?"

"Do you want the list or the top ten?" She asks honestly, but the other two laugh so she supposes it was hilarious. Weaknesses she knows, though she's sure they don't want the PowerPoint presentation she has in her head of them, so she goes with the ones that are the most relevant. "I'm impatient, I don't like waiting much though I know it's something I can't avoid. I'm insecure, so I'll always wonder if someone hates me when they just raise their voice, it's a big flaw. I scowl more than I smile, and I'm pretty sure everyone hates me anyway. I hate public speaking, the thought makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I'm no good at it. And though I'm fairly confident I can deal with people politely, I know I have a temper, and it's gotten me in trouble a few times. I-"

"You can stop." Effie breaks in, making Katniss close her eyes in shame when she realises what she's done. "Really, you're too harsh on yourself, Miss. Everdeen."

Shaking her head, she assures them she isn't, and though she's fighting the urge to run right out of the room, she tamps it down in favour of opening her eyes and trying her very best. If you don't try, you never know, but the slight frown on Boggs's face and Effie's furrowed brows tells her enough to know she's failed.

They move on nonetheless, and she hopes the question that comes next will mean she doesn't have to go on a tangent again, but alas, she's wrong. "What was your greatest personal and professional achievement? One for each."

Professional is easy, very clearly the time at work she was promoted to a manager of the diner she worked in at Twelve, though her ex had made her turn it down, but she pretends she took it, telling them the loose truth. Personal is harder, and she glances down at the floor for a brief moment to try consider what it could be.

She can't give them an honest answer, as that would reveal too much, but she also can't lie. She's not exactly a great liar and she knows if she got the job, she would get caught out eventually. Old Katniss would have lied, but having met Peeta, she doesn't like the thought of lying even if it benefits her greatly.

"I, uh, my greatest personal achievement would have to be..." She trails off, chewing on her bottom lip as her foot taps the floor beneath her, making the softest sound when her small heel hits it.

What on earth could she say? Getting married? It's clearly not that, and to them, she's a Miss. Having a child? She can't say that, she lost it. She failed again. Buying a home? She doesn't have a home; she lives in someone else's house for the smallest amount of rent possibly ever- and she hates that she knows it's out of pity but has no other options. Graduated from college? She never did.

So instead, she comes up with the worst possible answer. The answer that makes her heart clench up to even admit it, but it's all she has to admit, the only answer that doesn't reveal her past and makes her seem as though she has someone who cares about her, anyone in this world who cares if she's alive or dead.

"I helped my sister study so she could pass a big exam?" She frowns a how stupid she sounds, and she knows it's hardly something worth mentioning but she has nothing else. She's proud of nothing. "She's training to be a Doctor, so I'm proud."

"You should be." Effie smiles, though there's a sad look in her eyes that speaks volumes. She knows something is up, that Katniss has more to her that she's never going to admit to, but now is not the time or the place, and if she was to even press a tiny amount, Katniss is certain she'd crumble up and sob in the corner.

In a moment of panic, knowing her answer was hardly worthy of even mentioning, she throws in the only other thing in this world that could ever matter in someone's life. "I came here." She answers, making the other two look so confused it would be laughable if she weren't so nervous. "I was terrified this morning, I nearly pulled out five times but I came. And I guess that's something to be proud of?"

Boggs nods, writing something down, and he has the faintest hint of a smile on his face that tells even her that he's happy she changed her answer. "Facing a fear is a huge achievement. You moved here, all alone, and yet you've managed to find a job, somewhere to live, friends or so Effie has mentioned. Effie has spent weeks looking for the perfect person, never saying yes to anyone. And yet, I can tell Effie thought you were brilliant the moment she met you. That's something to be proud of."

"Is it?" She asks, her brow rising, and she hates the fact her voice breaks. This must be the most unprofessional job interview anyone has ever done, and she's horrified at herself for it.

"One hundred percent." He confirms, a smile gracing his face, the first genuine one she's seen the whole time she's been sat there.

In the back of her mind, she hopes this is the turning point of the conversation, the moment where she can get things back on track and maybe even sound like she deserves this job. But she can't move on without admitting something she's utterly ashamed of, something she knows they would find out if they were to hire her anyway. "I lied."

"About?" Effie frowns, her head tilting in confusion.

"I'm not Miss. Katniss Everdeen." She tells them, her eyes closing for a brief second, and the pair looks at each other in confusion, obviously having no clue what she was admitting to. She knows it's stupid to admit to, seeing as she has been pretending this whole time, though she did used to be Katniss Everdeen. She isn't any longer. "It was my name, originally...before I got married."

Effie stares at her in shock, knowing that Peeta was completely enamored with the woman in front of her, and finding out she was married without Peeta knowing – to Effie's knowledge anyway- wasn't something she was expecting. She reaches over the pause the tape, a frown on her face. "Does Doctor Mellark know?" She whispers, making Boggs look around the room for help as though a divine being will explain everything to him.

Katniss nods, her eyes ashamed and she can't resist the urge to curl up this time, her arms wrapping around herself gently. "I...came here because I was running from my husband. And I know I have to tell you because if you were to look me up, I wouldn't be as Katniss Everdeen anymore."

It's the only reason she's admitting it, plainly because she hates herself for being a liar, but she wants to be Katniss Everdeen again, not the awful name she was given when she was forced into her marriage to her husband in name only.

Effie's eyes soften, and she reaches over to take Katniss's hand as if she understands. "Oh, Katniss." She whispers, her expression sympathetic, and she nudges Boggs with her elbow to grab her a tissue when a tear rolls down her face. "Look at me." She requests.

Katniss's eyes find hers, but her free hand not holding Effie's reaches out to take the offered tissue from Boggs, dabbing her eyes.

"To us, you will be Katniss Everdeen." She whispers softly, a small, empathetic smile on her lips. "You do not need to explain anything, but thank you for being honest. We will never call you anything but Everdeen, all of your documents here will be to Katniss Everdeen."

"But -"

"Let me worry about that." Effie tells her simply, her thumb brushing over the younger woman's knuckles. "You just think about how you'll tell Doctor Mellark you'll be working alongside him from now on. If you still want the job that is?"

Her eyes widen, never having dreamt Effie would ever offer her a job after she admitted to lying, gave awful answers and even started crying in front of her and Boggs. Why would Effie give her a job? "Wait, you're offering me the job?"

"Congratulations, Miss. Everdeen."

Two weeks after she's offered- and has accepted- the job at the hospital, she's just gotten home from her last shift at Sae's when she's shocked to find Peeta sat on the couch, raising an eyebrow at him. "Hi."

Smiling wide, Peeta jumps up, using the remote to turn off whatever he was watching on TV. "Evening." He greets, making his way over until he's stood in front of her, and for a brief moment she thinks he's going to kiss her. But he doesn't, of course.

The pair hasn't spoken about their kiss that night, but there's been a definite shift in their dynamic. She isn't quite sure what that shift is, because they don't discuss it and none of their actions towards one another change, but she feels differently. There's an obvious tension between them that she doesn't know if she likes it or despises it, and she's desperate to kiss him again but she isn't sure if it's something she's truly ready for.

For now, their steady friendship is enough for her, though in her heart she knows that's just her brain lying to her.

"What are you doing here?" She asks with a soft smile, glad to see him as she's barely heard from him in days, with him always being busy and her working her ass off at the diner. "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow?" She asks, before quickly adding. "No that I'm not glad to see you."

Since she told him about her getting the job, he had managed to talk Effie into giving her the same shifts as him, so that he could help her get used to the flow of the Emergency Room and pick her up in the morning and drop her off home, knowing she would need a few weeks to get used to it all. She's thankful, as it means- for a few weeks at least- that she'll get to see more of him, but she wasn't expecting him to be at hers now.

"I'm here to take you out." Peeta tells her, and she feels a flutter of excitement in her belly. "Finnick and Annie told me this morning they wanted to take you for a pub dinner to celebrate the job and to pick you up."

Swallowing her disappointment, she fakes a smile; "They didn't mention it to me." She shrugs, as it does sound like something Finnick and Annie would do, constantly keeping her on her toes and doing things for her even though she never asks and certainly doesn't expect it.

"Think it was meant to be a surprise." Peeta admits, looking sheepish as he shoves his hands in his pockets. "Don't say I told you. Annie said she left a dress on your bed...I have no clue of anything else."

Rolling her eyes, she tells him to give her a minute before she heads upstairs, and there is indeed a clean, new, cream box on her bed. Upon opening it, she finds a dark blue dress inside, making her gasp at how elegant it is, far too nice for a simple pub dinner, but since Annie is expecting her to wear it, she figures she should.

As she puts it on, she's glad to find it has a boat neck, covering up her chest, and long sleeves that puff at the wrists ever so slightly, and she's thankful as she knows Finnick would have told Annie how insecure she is of the scars littering her arms and chest, so she's well aware the dress was bought keeping her in mind.

Examining herself in the mirror, she actually smiles, surprised at how much she likes how she looks. She never smiles in the mirror, so it's a pleasant shock for once.

In the bottom of the box, there is a sash belt that she puts on, and she finds it does make her look far better, and she never realised how trim her waist was.

Is this what Peeta is on about when he mentions feeding her up? Katniss thinks, before brushing those thoughts away. Peeta never says those things to hurt her, simply an observation, a correct one, and he's always trying to feed her with his delightful concoctions of food he makes. As well as being an excellent baker, he can cook better than anyone she's ever met. He's a much better cook than her, though that isn't a contest.

She doesn't bother with too much make up, seeing as she barely owns any in the first place and it's only dinner, it's not like she's going for a posh evening out and needs to look her best. She looks good now, and saying that is shocking enough. At first, she worries that she doesn't look as good as she feels she does, walking down the stairs with her bag on her arm, the short heels she had on clicking with every step until she's in front of Peeta again

Though, by the look on his face, she wishes she had bothered with make up.

He's silent, only staring at her as though she's interchangeable to an alien from another land, his hand stilled from where it had been scratching his jaw. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes are wide, but that doesn't last long as his mouth opens and closes like he's trying to say something important.

However, despite all his grappling, he settles with. "You look...literally jaw-dropping."

"Literally." She smirks, as she had seen his jaw drop when she'd come down the stairs, but her initial thoughts had been she looked so awful it warranted running back up. Though she's glad of the correction, she can't help but feel she looks overdressed compared to him in sleek, grey trousers and dress shirt. Actually, come to think of it, he looks more dressed up than usual. "Why are we so dressed up to go to dinner with Finnick and Annie?"

Peeta shrugs his shoulders, his eyes meeting hers once more as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, only glancing down to pull something up on it before handing it to her. "Finnick texted me this morning, saying to put on the clothes he left in my house, not to ask how he got in my house before I even woke up, and for you to wear the clothes Annie leaves you before bringing you to The Hob pub at nine."

He recites the text actually as it is, word for word in fact. Katniss hums before passing his phone back to him, but she's still suspicious. "You guys are up to something."

"Normally, I would agree, but today I am as lost as you are." He pockets his phone as he walks to the door, grabbing the nicer one of her two coats and helping her into it. He offers her his arm, and she takes it, letting him lead her outside and to his car. "For once."

"Fair-Hey!" She pokes his arm. "That better be a crappy joke or you're on my list."

"Your list? What's that about?"

"Hopefully, you'll never find out." She warns, but her eyes are twinkling, showing she clearly doesn't mean it. She could never put him on her list of people she wants to punch. So far she only has Cliff Richard, as that man pops up everywhere on TV she watches, her ex-technically current- husband, and a customer that slapped her ass when she first came to town who she doesn't know the name of but still wants to punch.

As if Peeta Mellark could ever be on that list.

Exactly on time and not a minute too early or too late, which is shocking for Peeta because he's usually twenty minutes early for everything, they're walking in the door of a darkened pub, with her questioning if it's even open despite the sign saying it is, and even Peeta seems as confused as she is.

"Is this place even-" She starts saying, only to be cut off by the lights turning on and a bunch of people jump up from behind the bar, tables, everywhere.

"Surprise!" They all seem to yell in unison, with a few too early and a few too late, scaring the wits out of the pair of them and making Katniss immediately go to run from the shock, heading face first into Peeta's chest.

"What is this?" Peeta asks, taking her hand when she holds a hand to her heart that's thumping against her chest so hard it hurts, whilst his free hand not holding hers wraps around her shoulders. "It's not your birthday yet is it?"

Finnick comes over, a massive smile on his face, Annie just behind him. "This is your surprise, sorry to see you go, glad to have you join the team party!" He exclaims, his smile only growing wider somehow. "Us at the hospital are excited to have you, the girls and guys at the diner are sad to see you leave, so we joined forces in giving you a good send off slash welcoming."

Her eyes widen in shock, but her heart stops racing enough for her to speak. "What?" She whispers.

No one has ever thrown her a party before. Her parents could never afford it, and then her father died and her mother checked out so she never had one after, and even when she got married, she was only coerced into going to the Justice Hall and sign some papers. When she got a job in Twelve, she was never even given congratulations or well done, just a gruffed out response that she was a failure for not doing better.

The fact that all of these people, people she doesn't truly know but was half introduced to when she did an induction day at the hospital to pick up some information on the job, and people from Sae's who she's worked with for less than three months, have all come together to throw her a party...

Well, it sends tears to her eyes, and she purses her lips to stop them, instead hugging Annie and Finnick individually with small whispers of thank yous. Everyone takes that as a sign to get drinks in, and they all flock to the bar or to Katniss herself, either introducing themselves or giving her a hug.

She loses sight of Peeta with everyone around her, and she hates the way her heart races in panic, needing him by her side. Katniss had no clue what to say to new people, and with everyone focusing their attention on her all at once, her brain just whirled.

Plastering on a smile, she makes her way around the room slowly, accepting a glass of wine from Effie when it's offered, but she only takes two sips before she feels like everyone is staring again.

Never in her life has she felt so thankful and yet so panicked. It's why she hates public speaking, she hates unnecessary attention, she hates people staring at her and hearing far too many conversations going on at once, hearing laughter behind her that makes her think it's directed at her like it has been so many times in the past.

Maybe if she wasn't already tired, and there weren't so many people all laughing around her, enjoying themselves, having a good time like they should do, she wouldn't have reacted in the way she did. But she can't help it, and so when she looks around for Peeta frantically, knowing he would help her and take questions so she doesn't have to, and someone comes up to her with another question, she just snaps.

It's not the fact they wanted to speak to her, rather her already panicked mind and the way her thoughts are whirling so much she has a migraine, and the way they moved, one hand braced most likely to give her a hug, but her mind takes as a threat. Instead of accepting a hug like most people would, she steps back, her eyes wide even as she hits the bar. "Please don't!" She flinches, and the person stops in their tracks.

It's Sae, and in her mind she should have known. She's so stupid. But she feels her eyes brim with tears when she notes the hurt, concerned, look in her old bosses eyes. "I'm so sorry." Katniss whispers, quickly stepping away from the bar. "I'm so sorry." She repeats.

She can hear her blood pounding in her ears. Her heart thudding so hard in her chest that she thinks she might be having a heart attack. Her hands shake as they come up to guard her chest, as though it will help the pain. Her feet tingle like pins and needles and her vision disfigures through what she thinks are the tears, like she's looking through a telescope, her vision tunneling to focus on nothing but the pure, blinding, terror she feels. She has to get away. "Sorry, I'm so sorry."

Though she doesn't give Sae a chance to respond, rushing away from her to the bathroom, not taking a breath until she's locked away in a stall, heaving loudly. She's glad no one else is in the bathroom with her in that moment.

Her mouth is dry despite the fact she's been drinking, and she feels like a glass of water would only make things worse, even though she's sweating and she feels the telltale sign of bile in the back of her throat. The nausea clawed at her throat, and she tried to force down the bile, but it was too late.

Throwing open the toilet lid, she falls onto her knees, barely having time to lift her hair from her face before she's vomiting violently into the porcelain bowl, feeling the undigested food she'd eaten earlier in the day come back up painfully as she coughs, her stomach forcing it out until she had nothing left to give, contracting painfully.

By the time she's gotten it all up, her face is dripping with sweat and tears she hadn't realised she was shedding, her breathes coming out in wheezing pants, unable to get enough air in, and she begins to sob, terror gripping her as she feels like she could die.

She can't breathe.

Catching the pungent stench of her previous vomiting, she heaves over the bowl again even though there was nothing left to give, her ears blocking out any noise. She can't do anything but retch, coughing and clutching her stomach with one hand whilst the other holds her hair.

There's no one there to hold her or stroke her back, as she had run off without saying anything to anyone except Sae, and her old boss isn't the type to chase after someone. She can't with the way her knees are. But in that moment, Katniss wishes she had told someone.

She can't breathe.

With no clue what's happening to her, she just feels like she's dying. Is this what a heart attack feels like? Is this how she's going to die? Knelt on a pubs bathroom floor unable to breathe, sobbing her heart out and vomiting? She can't. No one knows where she is; she doesn't want to die alone.

The thought makes her heave again, and in her state of fear, she doesn't hear or feel anything until, all of a sudden, someone is taking her hair from her, rubbing a hand up and down her back, and her hearing begins to come back very slowly, still muffled but back enough to hear a very familiar voice.

"Katniss," It's Madge, her tone soft and gentle, almost like she's comforting a child. "It's me, it's Madge. You're okay, you'll be okay." She whispers, quickly putting up Katniss's hair in a ponytail with a hairband she had on her wrist, and it does feel better not having it in her face.

She can't speak, unable to do anything except heave and sob, but Madge's hands rubbing over her back and shoulders, her gentle words of encouragement and the calming motions seem to be working, as she can finally feel her legs again, even though they're tingling painfully from her position on the floor.

"It's okay. You're going to be just fine." She whispers, making Katniss shake her head, her eyes unable to focus, her mind whirling, her stomach heaving painfully.

"No," She manages to say, unsure of how she's speaking, as she doesn't even recognise her own voice. "Madge, Madge, help." She sobs, her hands bracing on the toilet bowl, and she fights another vomiting spell. "Madge, please, I feel like I-please...I can't-I can't breathe. I can't-"

"You can." Madge corrects, her voice slightly firmer and yet still encouraging. "You can do this, just breathe when I do." She grabs Katniss's hand in her own and brings it to her chest so she can feel her inhaling and exhaling. "Breathe in." She tells her, inhaling herself. "One, two, three. Breathe out." She exhales, forcing Katniss to follow.

It doesn't work, and the more time drags on, the more she sobs, the more Katniss panics. "I can't." She sobs, her hand falling from Madge's chest, never feeling like more a failure than she does in that moment.

How did she ever think she was getting better? She's so stupid. She's no better, she just hid things from her own brain, and now her body was punishing her for it, killing her from the inside out.

Losing focus, she feels Madge move, and for a brief second Katniss feels like she's left her. Madge has left her because she's a failure who can't even breathe properly, someone who's too much of a fuck up to even warrant a quiet death, someone who can't even handle a party thrown for her lovingly by her friends and colleagues.

But she hasn't, and Madge is still in the room, only having moved so someone else could take her place. Taking over in the small cubicle is the one person that Katniss wanted more than anyone and yet simultaneously the person she didn't want to see her like this.

Peeta.

To his credit, he doesn't look or sound half as worried as Madge did, even though Katniss can tell by the look in his eyes he's shocked and terrified, and she barely hears him, but she certainly feels him pull her into his arms from the side, pressing kisses to her sweaty temple like he doesn't care how disgusting she is.

"Katniss look at me, look at me." He whispers soothingly, her eyes finding his as she follows his directions, her head turning to face him, her eyes wide and her breaths coming out harshly. "It's me, you know me."

"P-Peeta," She wheezes out, a sob leaving her body in relief. He's a Doctor, he can help her, she's dying and he can help her. She can just be his patient for now and it won't affect their friendship at all, he won't think less of a dying woman, he would never do that. "Please, I can't-"

"I know," He brushes a stray hair away from her face as she crawls closer to him of her own accord, needing to be in his embrace. "But it's okay because I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. Would I?"

She shakes her head. He's right. Peeta would never let her die; he would never allow anything or anyone to hurt her. He's going to help her, she'll be fine, she can go back to normal, and he can help. "I-I-Peeta, I'm really scared." She manages, and he pulls her closer, letting her shift herself in between his spread legs.

Peeta sits down on the floor properly, letting her sit with her back against his chest, and takes the bucket Madge has managed to find from somewhere, making Katniss open her own legs slightly so he can put the bucket between them should she need to throw up again and can't reach the toilet. His arms wrap around her loosely, letting her pull away if she wants, but she only buries back on him more, needing him warmth and comfort.

"It's okay. It's okay." He whispers, his mouth by her ear, his arms tightening ever so slightly around her when she nods. "I'm here. There is nothing to be scared of." He encourages, making her press herself back on him tightly so she can feel his calm breathing, forcing her to do the same.

It takes nearly half an hour, but she calms down slowly, and within that time, she hadn't thrown up again. Madge kept people out, locking the door and guarding it from the outside, and Peeta will have to remember to thank her later on when he hasn't got a crying woman in his embrace.

After that half an hour, she's managed to calm herself enough, with his help, to only let out soft whimpers, her legs curling and her body swiveling to press her face into his chest, her hands in fists on his chest. "Peeta, please don't go. I'm sorry." She whispers. "Just stay with me?"

He nods, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Always."

It's only the second time she's asked it of him, but he'll never respond with anything but the answer he gave the first time. He's never leaving her side, no matter the situation or her state, or how much she panics, even though he knows his mother would kill him for it. His mother doesn't matter, not when she's the reason he is how he is, the reason he can't sleep most days. No, he's not listening to his mother, or anyone who would ever tell him any different.

He belongs right next to her.

I feel bad for doing that to her. Then again, I never said this was a happy story so I didn't lie. I just gave you a glimmer (teehee) of hope and then dangled the dream and tugged it away. Please let me know what you thought of this, especially the scene where she has a panic attack because I'm so scared I didn't make it realistic, I know what mine have felt like the very rare time I've ever had one and I hope I did it justice.