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ONE SHOT #8 / Adventured in fatherhood

Tobias' P.O.V.

I can't help but glance back and forth between the only woman that I have ever loved asleep in this hospital bed and this little beautiful bundle of joy that lays in my arms fast asleep. She's only two hours old, she has ten fingers and ten toes…I know because I checked the minute that she was born. She's 8 pounds and 10 ounces and 17 and a half inches long. Next to her mother she is the most beautiful, gorgeous, little girl that I have ever seen. She's very small, smaller than I ever imagined her to be. She has some blonde hair on her perfect little head, just like her mother's. Her eyes are blue, but not greyish blue like Tris,' instead they are blue like the ocean, similar to the color of mine. Her little nose and plump lips are so cute…

"She should be ready to nurse now." I lift my head, seeing a very groggy Tris smiling at us.

"You would know more than I do," I admit, smiling at my gorgeous wife. My wife, up until now I always knew that she had the power to do anything that she wanted to, as she is the bravest woman I know. But after watching her give birth to our daughter… I know now that I married a freaking superwoman. We got to the hospital just in time for her to be wheeled into the hospital and right to her room. There was no time for filling out forms or taking any medication to help ease the pain. By the time she was changed into a hospital gown and laying down in the hospital bed, she had mere minutes to spare before the doctor told her it was time to push. She was so brave, she fought really hard against all of the pain to deliver our beautiful baby daughter.

Our daughter? From the moment Tris blurted out that she was pregnant, I have been a nervous wreck. Sure I'm already a father to our son Ethan, but I feel like somehow I lucked out in that department. I didn't show up until way after the three am feedings were done and the diaper phase and the whole learning how to walk and talk phase had long passed. All the hard stuff was already done. A part of me feels guilty that Tris was the one that had to endure and experience all of that alone, before I came into the picture. I never even held a baby until like two hours ago, let alone fed, changed, dressed or bathed one. What if I hurt her, she's so small? What if somehow I forget something or do something wrong? Fuck, I can't do this! But I have to, I have to be brave like my superwoman wife.

Before Tris, I always thought love was just a reason to hurt the person that you were closest to. It's no secret that I didn't have any good role models while growing up to show me what unconditional love really was. I thought I was destined to spend my whole life alone. After all, who would want me, I was a broken man. All I have ever been shown is hate and hurt. My father was no picnic either, in fact he was a complete monster. Before he murdered my mother, he was obsessed with keeping track of her and beating her to a pulp. And then when he finally killed her…he turned all of his anger towards me. For a long time I was afraid that I would reflect that same kind of behavior that he showed towards me to anyone I knew. I thought Tris and Ethan deserved better than what I had to offer them. But Tris showed me I was wrong, she proved to me that I in fact deserved to be loved and was able to give love in return. I knew the moment I realized how much I truly loved Tris and Ethan… that I would never hurt them. Not the way my father hurt me and my mother. I would do anything I have to do for my family, but that doesn't always help ease my fears. Tris assured me that all first time parents go through this.

I stand carefully, handing our stirring daughter off to her gorgeous mother. I sit on the edge of the bed in awe of my wife. Watching as she carefully unwraps Maddy's blanket, checking her diaper on the outside for any signs of dampness. The nurse told us that sometimes it takes a little time for newborns to do their first pee or even their first poop. It's nothing to be concerned about unless we go a full twenty four hours without it happening. I continue to watch my wife as she positions the nursing pillow around herself, putting our sweet baby girl in the right position to breastfeed her. Without being asked, I undo the buttons to Tris' hospital gown, allowing it to fall so she can expose her breast to our very hungry daughter. It takes Maddy a few tries, but eventually she latches on, getting the nourishment that she needs from her mother. I swear I will never look at Tris' perfect breasts the same way ever again.

"Your staring," Tris says, blushing. You would think after close to three years of marriage and the amount of sex that we have, that she would be used to me staring at one of my favorites parts of her body. Yet here she is blushing and embarrassed by me staring at her perfect breasts, while they feed our new born daughter. From what Tris tells me about post delivery…I won't be able to think of my favorite parts of her body for at least 6 weeks. I think back to those three weeks before we were married, I thought that time was the hardest and longest three weeks that I had ever gone without sex. I have a feeling that that was a walk in the park compared to what I will have to endure in the next six weeks.

"I can't help it," I say smiling.

"Hey. Hey now, what did I tell you about that?" Tris teases me.

"Seriously Love?" I ask in disbelief. For the first time in my life, I'm not even thinking about sex...okay I am a little. But not the "oh my god I need to have her" way… Come on, what kind of man does she think I am? "I'm watching our daughter, whom you just delivered barely two hours ago... feed from your breasts. I'm not thinking of what I might want to stick between them…" I admit. I know I could have gone without saying what I would like to do to them given the chance, but I love to watch her blush.

"Tobias!" She squeaks out.

"What? She doesn't know what I'm saying." Or does she? Oh crap, she is only two hours old and I'm already corrupting my baby girl. Shit, she isn't dating till she is thirty years old. I'm making sure I stand outside of the house on my porch with my loaded shotgun. Then again, she's my daughter…fuck it, best get her fitted for a chastity belt when she is fourteen.

"Tobias?" Tris says, getting my attention. I glance back up to her face as she smiles back at me. "You look like you just realized the cure for cancer or something… you even look a little paler than normal. Are you okay?" She asks me with concern written on her face. She, who just gave birth with no pain medication at all less than two hours ago, is asking me if I'm okay. Jeeze.

"Im fine, Love. I just got carried away there for a minute thinking about when our daughter starts dating," I admit to her. I scratch the back of my head, nervous for her reaction. It's a subject we haven't really spoken about…on how to deal with things like this as our children get older. I can't help but wonder what her take on the subject is. I wonder if she will back me up, or fight with me over the possibility of me burying all of the boys that come to our door in the backyard.

"You're getting a little ahead of yourself, don't you think... I mean she is only a couple hours old. Maybe we should save this talk for... I don't know…when she can at least walk," Tris says with her tone teasing me. Yeah okay, I guess she might be right. But no matter what, I know Zeke and I will be right there when she starts dating. Yup it'll be me, Zeke and our guns… maybe us even cleaning them.

"Honey, you are going ten under the speed limit," Tris says, I feel her glancing over the middle of the console staring at the speedometer. I have both my hands fisting the damn steering wheel as I carefully maneuver around any potholes and anything that might jerk the car too much. Maddy is fast asleep in the back seat, it's her first car ride, at this rate it might be her last. Why do people drive like maniacs on the road? HELLO, I HAVE A NEWBORN IN HERE! I want to yell out of the driver's window, as a line of continuous cars pass us, honking their horns, no less. When did the road become such a brutal place?

"Would you like me to drive?" Tris asks, taking pity on me no doubt. She probably sees the anxiety that is written all over me and that is reaching its peak right now. Fuck, Maddy is never leaving the safety of our home ever again.

"No, I got it. Sit back and relax, you just had a baby," I say, focusing on the road. I think I hear her chuckle, but I'm not too sure.

"Tris, I can't change her diaper...she's a girl... Isn't there some kind of law against that?" I ask, I know I sound stupid right now, but I will say anything to get out of changing this diaper. God, she isn't even a week old yet…but whatever just came out of her that sits in her diaper right now... really stinks! Since Tris' milk supply didn't completely come in, Tris decided to switch her to baby formula after last night's feeding. The nutritionist tried to convince Tris to keep trying, she told us that her milk supply would eventually fully come in, but neither one of us could stand to listen to our daughter's cries because she was hungry. It broke Tris' heart that she couldn't do anything about it, she felt like she was failing her baby girl, so she decided right then and there that it was best to do the switch. She didn't know if or when all of her milk supply would ever come in, but she could help our daughter now by fixing a damn bottle and giving it to her instead. She also said that it will make it easier for me to help feed Maddy and to bond with her during the feedings. Yeah, right. This must be one of those women moments, she's half yours and half mine… therefore we both have to put in the work. I'm so fucked!

"Tobias, stop being an idiot. Okay? She's your daughter. Are you going to leave your daughter in a poopy diaper all day if I have to leave?" Tris says.

"You're leaving? Don't leave me, I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" I say, panicking. Something tells me that the lack of sleep from the past few nights are starting to get to me…Tris is looking at me right now like I'm the biggest dumbass on the planet.

"Yes, Tobias I'm leaving…I just had a baby, yet I'm going to climb fucking Mount Everest right now," she says, with sarcasm written all over her face. She takes a deep breath, rolls her eyes and steps closer to me. "Tobias...You are her father, you will change her poopy diaper. I'm sure you can handle it. You've handled many terrifying things in your life before... a dirty diaper shouldn't be that scary for you," she says, being all serious with me. Although I do suspect she is trying to hold in her laughter, somewhere in there.

"But it really stinks," I cry out. Please don't make me do it.

"Shit stinks, Tobias. Plug your nose then," she says, like this smelly shit doesn't phase her at all. Yeah, easy for her to say. "Now pick up your daughter!" She demands. Oh fuck me! I pick up my sleeping little girl, cradling her small frame in my arms. I take her to the changing table, placing her carefully on the padded changing mat. "Okay see, that's not so hard." Yeah easy for you to say. "Now, see those three buttons between her legs… pop them open," Tris says… buttons between her legs? Why do I hear child services knocking at our door? I don't say another word, as I see there is no getting out of this in her eyes. I do what she asks and pop open the three silver buttons. I feel really awkward while doing this. "Okay, good boy." Good boy? What am I a dog? "Now, see those two tabs?" She asks. I nod, hating her so much right now. "Okay, go ahead and pull them both open." I take a deep breath preparing myself for the worst, as I do what she tells me. Tris bites down on her lower lip, trying not to laugh at my expense. "Now just lift the diaper back and cover the pee or poop, or both while tucking the clean side of the diaper under her bottom," she says. I begin to pull back the diaper like she told me to… but before I can fold and tuck it under Maddy's bum the worst stench I have ever smelled in my whole life hits me. "UGH!" I scream out. What the hell did we feed this kid? Maddison is barely a week old, she barely pooped enough to cover a quarter of the diaper for crying out loud, yet her shit stinks enough to put grown ass men to shame. "Tobias, it's okay, just work really fast," Tris says. I wonder if my face is turning a deep shade of green right now…Oh my god, I think I'm going to puke. My damn eyes, they are burning. What the hell? "Now Tobias…Tobias." Tris says, trying to draw me back in. "You need to work fast… The younger they are, the more likely they are to poop or pee on you while you change them," Tris says. Pee on me... What, how? She's a girl, it's not like she can aim at me.

A knock on the door, tells us that Lauren is here with both Kelly and Ethan. Tris rushes off to get the door, but not before kissing Maddy's little head and telling me "Good luck, Daddy."

"Wait! You're coming back, right? Tris? Tris?" I call out to her, but all I hear is the faint laughs of my wife saying I got this. The hell I do. I turn my attention back to my daughter who is starting to get a little fussy, as she kicks her little arms and legs and stretches out her tiny body. I lean in, gently kissing her sweet forehead. "Don't worry baby girl, Daddy will figure this out." I stand back up taking a deep breath as I get a few baby wipes ready. I pull back the diaper once again as I attempt to try and clean her up. I remember Tris told me while she was in the hospital that girls have to be wiped from the front to back. You would think with all the experience I have had with women that I would know this already. Wow, yup this is not awkward at all. Suddenly I feel the urge to apologize for getting into her personal space like this. I reach for a clean diaper, getting ready to lift her off of the dirty one when all hell starts to break loose. Suddenly it's like lava is slowly erupting out of her. Oh god, the fresher it is, the stinkier it smells! Oh my god, my fucking eyes. Oh my god, it doesn't stop, why wont it stop coming out of her! "Tris, HELP!" I cry out as loud as I can. HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT! FUCK, WHAT DO I DO?

Four weeks later:

"I love watching how you are with the kids. You're such a good Daddy!" Tris says, as I hold the bottle feeding our baby girl. Tris leans in giving me a loving kiss on my lips before she leans in a little further to kiss our daughter's forehead. "I'm going to go and take a shower. Ethan is already asleep," she says, giving me a warm smile. I watch as she slowly walks out of the nursery towards our bedroom. It's been close to five weeks since Tris and I have been intimate together. It has been anything but easy. In fact, I've taken plenty of cold showers in the last few weeks to take care of my pre-dick-ament, I still don't know why I torture myself like that, when clearly that shit does not work. Not to mention, no matter how hard I try and not think about it, that's all I can think about. I shake my head from the fog that Tris has pulled me in. I glance back down to the precious little girl that I'm holding in my arms. I can't believe it's been five weeks since this little precious girl has come into our lives. When I see her bottle is just about half way done, I gently get Maddy to release it, I then place it on the table near me. I carefully lift Maddy up to my shoulder and pat her little back, I begin to slowly rock us back and forth. I really love this time with her, just the two of us. I can't help but think that this has been the happiest, most exhausting and the most terrifying time of my life. Her little burp sounds gargled as it comes out of her mouth. That's weird. I pull her back to cradle her in my arms, when I see a large spot of white goo all over my shirt and on her little mouth.

Oh my god! Did she throw up? Is she sick? Did I hurt my baby when I burped her? I can't tell Tris…I don't want to worry her if it's nothing. She'll think I'm an idiot or something, but what if it's something really bad?

I stand up quickly with her in my arms, pacing back and forth. Maddy's little eyes are opened wide with what I can only imagine is fear. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I begin to panic, as I race down the stairs to the phone with Maddy in my arms. I know Tris wrote the pediatrician's number for both of the kids by the phone, as well as programmed it into both of our cellphones. I pick up the phone, dialing as quickly as I can reading each number carefully, as I go.

"Dr. Portal's office, this is the after hours hotline. How can I help you?" The operator says. Right, it's after hours. Fuck!

"Connect me to the Doctor right now. Something is wrong with my baby," I say, almost too quickly for the woman to understand me. She asks me to repeat what I just said, telling me to slow down this time. I relay to her that I think my baby is sick. She is throwing up white stuff from her formula.

"Mmm. Does she have a fever?" She asks me. I feel her forehead.

"No. Her temperature seems normal," I answered her.

"Okay, what was she doing when she threw up?" She asks.

"I was burping her, she just got half way done with her bottle," I answered her. Oh my god, it's indigestion, isn't it? Something is wrong with her tiny stomach! What if we have been poisoning her with this formula crap. I told Tris that we shouldn't be feeding our baby with something that smelled so horrible.

"So let me get this straight… you were feeding her, then when she was halfway done her bottle, you burped her?" She asks. I think I imagine the amusement in her voice as she speaks. What the fuck is wrong with this woman. Can't she see my baby is really sick.

"Sir, when babies get too much air during their feedings it can cause air to get trapped in their stomach," she says, just before I was able to curse her out. Air in her stomach? Oh god, what does that mean? Does she need surgery because of that? "It's quite normal for spit up to happen when you burp babies. Some of the formula will come up with the air. It's best to try and tilt the bottle more, or even purchase bottles that are built with a curve in them already and not have them be so straight. It will help prevent that. As well as try not force the baby to eat more once she stops wanting to," she explains to me. So she's fine. I feel instant relief within me, as every nerve in my body suddenly relaxes.

"So she's fine?" I say, confirming this.

"She is more than fine," she says, I can hear the smile in her voice. Oh thank God.

After I hang up the phone, I gently sway Maddy in my arms as we make our way back to the nursery. I'm mindlessly singing the words, "You're okay," when Tris comes out of the bathroom. She gives me this questioning look on her face, as she doesn't have a clue to what just happened.

"It's okay, sweet girl. Everything is fine. She is fine. The Doctor said it's perfectly normal-" I start to say, Tris cuts me off when she hears that I spoke with the Doctor.

"Doctor? What? Why did you have to call the Doctor?" She frantically asks me. She glances towards Maddy, her eyes suddenly widen in fear as she looks our daughter over for anything visible that could be wrong with her.

"Yeah, but don't worry, the doctor said that it was normal… and… and she's perfectly fine."

"Perfectly fine? Then why did you have to call the Doctor, Tobias? Why not come and get me first?" Tris asks urgently.

"I didn't want to bother you. I thought...I wanted to handle this on my own-" I begin to explain, as she once again cuts me off.

"Okay. Stop right there, Tobias. When it comes to our children…you need to tell me what is going on with them. We can face all of this better, together as a team," she says, I can hear the irritation in her voice. Shit, maybe I should have told her. "What is wrong with her?" She asks again, looking our daughter up and down to see if there is anything visibly wrong with her.

"The Doctor called it spit up. She said it happens often if the baby overeats or has air trapped in her stomach from the formula that she is drinking," I finish saying. I watch Tris' face transform before me, as she turns from a raging, Tris, to a hysterical, crying from laughter on the floor, Tris. She falls to the floor, holding her stomach. Great, now she's laughing at me. Well how would I have known that nothing was really wrong with Maddy and that it was just spit up.

The sound of things crashing startles me as I enter the house. I drop my work bag near the door without thinking as I run towards the noise. It sounds like someone is ransacking the house, as glass is being shattered and things are hitting the walls. I realize it's coming from Ethan's room. He is roaring angrily, as he continues to throw something else. As I approach his room, I can see that his bedroom door is open. Tris is standing in the middle of the room in what appears to be total chaos. She looks hesitant, wanting to move towards Ethan who is out of control and obviously having a meltdown. By the way he is raging so badly, I can see why she is so hesitant to approach him. I've seen it a few times over the years, she is looking for an opening for herself to sneak through the chaos without getting herself caught in the crossfire. My mouth drops open in shock as I look around, the room is absolutely trashed and he is still out of control. I am determined to calm him down while not letting Tris get hurt, as Ethan is a little larger than Tris' form. I step forward very slowly, as he has his back towards me while looking for something else to grab a hold of and throw at the wall. Before he has a chance to turn back around, I wrap my arms around him, trapping his arms to his sides. I tighten my hold enough to restrain him, as well as give him a really firm hug that he needs to help calm him down. He struggles in my arms, as he kicks and wiggles to set himself free, but I don't loosen my grip on him at all. Tris, who is now in tears, comes to the front of Ethan shushing his roars and screams as she too wraps her arms around him. We both hold him in a sandwich as tightly as we can without hurting him. I don't know how long we have been standing here holding him tightly, until we finally feel his body begin to give in and start to relax. I hear him breathing deep and heavy, still having a way to go to calm himself down. Tris and I remain silent, knowing that added voices and questions will only stir things up for him again. We finally let go of him when Ethan's eyes have closed and his breathing is slow and steady. I help Tris get Ethan into his bed. I run my hand through my hair, before we walk out into the hallway to talk. He hasn't had this bad of a meltdown in over a year. I wonder what brought this on.

"What happened?' I ask Tris, as we close the door behind us. By the look of the room's condition, it's clear that we have a very long night ahead of us.

"I don't know. He asked me for some chocolate milk and when you were coming home. I told him to give me a minute so I could finish changing Maddy. I told him you would be home around dinner, that you were working a little later than usual today, and then all of a sudden all hell broke loose," she explains to me with tears in her eyes. I take her into my arms, wanting nothing more than to comfort her.

I have a feeling I know what is going on with him. It's something I have suspected recently, every time he needs something or asks for something from us, we are always busy with the baby. I wonder if having Maddy makes him feel like he is less important to us. Shit. No wonder the kid had a huge meltdown, he probably just couldn't take it anymore. It reminds me of how I used to be when I first went to go live with Zeke and his family. I had a lot of rage coursing through me at the time, so much more than I knew what to do with. Luckily Zeke and I started sparring at the gym with each other, that, along with playing sports and excessive exercise, really seemed to help with all my rage back then. I can't imagine how Ethan must be feeling right now.

"I'll talk to him. He might be feeling less important, because of Maddy getting so much of our attention since she was born," I say, while tightening my hold on Tris. Sure enough I can hear her cries, as she feels the disappointment in her veins as much as I do. Although we both clearly thought we were doing right by our children, we obviously weren't. I guess we were making Ethan feel as though he was less important than our newborn daughter, which couldn't be farther from the truth. We love both of our children equally. Once Tris' tears run dry, we grab some trash bags, along with a broom and a dustpan… together we begin to clean up the room as best as we can without waking him up.

The next day I decided it would be best to call out of work. I tell Zeke that I am needed at home, but will be working remotely for anything that he may need from me. I don't do this very often, but there are some days that it's out of my hands and being at home is where I have to be. My family will always come first for me before my business. Tris and I talked last night, agreeing that she would care for Maddy today, while I spent some overdue time with our son.

As I was thinking about Ethan late last night, I decided to hang a kid's punching bag up in the garage. I actually bought it for him a while ago, wanting to wait for his birthday to give it to him, but then I decided last night that I would set it up for him now instead. At first when Ethan saw the punching bag he was very hesitant and not sure of what to do. I handed him the boxing gloves to protect his hands, as I demonstrated to him how to hit the bag.

I proceeded to tell him, "It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel what you feel, but it's how you choose to express yourself, is what's really important," I tell my son. I remind Ethan that in karate when he was in it that this kind of behavior was unacceptable. He nods at me, ashamed of his actions. I get down on my knees to be level with his size, explaining that it happens sometimes, but he needs to learn how to control it when it does, which is the hardest thing to do. "Now, what makes you the maddest?" I ask him.

"When…when you and Mommy tell me to wait?" He says in a question form. I know how shy he can be about how he feels.

"Okay, now hit the bag," I ordered him. He does what I tell him to do. He punches the bag with everything that he has in him. I don't know how long we keep this up as we both take turns hitting the punching bag. Sweat is dripping down both of our faces and we are panting for air. We both take a seat on the chairs that are in the garage, downing our bottled water. We continue talking about anything and everything, from his school, to his friends, to how he feels about the new baby.

"I know it's hard for you to get used to having a new little sister around. Times won't always be happy and full of laughter…but we are a family, and families love each other and are always there for each other, no matter what. I know it feels like sometimes Mommy and Daddy spend much more time with the baby right now…but we still and will always love you. No matter what, we are always here for you. Okay?" I say, letting my knee softly tap his. He looks up at me smiling wider than I have seen him do in days. I know this was some much needed time that we have just spent together today. I need to remember to set aside a few times a week for us to have some "guy time" together from now on.

"Okay, Daddy. I love you too," he says, while wrapping his little arms around me. Without even having to think about the action, I wrap my arms around him. He is my son, I love him no matter what.

Fatherhood may be chaotic at times, I might even want to pull my hair out on some days… but I do know that there is nothing more that I would ever want than to be his and Maddy's father.

A/N

WOO-HOO, another one-shot bites the dust.

Two more one-shots left to post and then I start the sequel called A Runaway Family.

The next one-shoot will be released on Halloween 2020.

See you all next time, Happy Reading and please stay safe!

Trini