Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.

Chapter Sixteen

They were behind schedule. They would definitely arrive in Camelot a day late, possibly two. But as they packed up and set out the next morning, everyone moved leisurely. There was no prisoner to guard, no one attempting to attack the king. And while there was still a sorcerer, no one gave him dark looks or detoured around the camp to avoid him.

It helped that Lancelot was himself again, and his relationship with Merlin remained utterly unchanged. It brought an element of normalcy to the group dynamic that the other knights tentatively followed.

Elyan helped Merlin with his chores again, offering him unsure smiles that Merlin was quick to return, and Percival seemed almost normal, making small talk with Merlin and Lancelot as they packed up their things. Before they parted ways, the larger man grabbed Merlin's arm and murmured his thanks.

Leon joined Merlin as he finished up the apple he was having for breakfast, taking a casual seat beside him.

"So that's why you were so sure he'd live," the knight said. "Because if he didn't, you were going to die for him."

Merlin gave Leon a rueful grin. "It was the only way I could be certain. I'm glad it turned out to be unnecessary, though. I rather like not dying."

"That was a brave thing to do."

"You would have done the same in my position," Merlin pointed out, earning a small smile from Leon.

"My loyalty is to the king," he said by way of confirmation. "My first priority is always his safety."

Merlin heard something in Leon's tone that went beyond his words, and his smile fell.

"You still think I'm a threat to that safety."

"You're a sorcerer, Merlin," Leon said simply, almost apologetically. "I don't doubt your intentions or your loyalty, but I question your judgment. And after seeing what happened with Morgana, I can't help but wonder how your magic affects you. How it will affect you in the future." He sighed. "I like you. Always have. And I suspect it's possible Arthur is safer with you around than without you. But…"

"But I'm a sorcerer," Merlin finished, and Leon nodded.

"Arthur's safety is always my first priority," he repeated. And Merlin, to his own surprise, smiled.

"Good," he said firmly. "Mine too. And I would rather you be overly cautious than not cautious enough." Leon blinked in surprise at that. "I'll earn your trust, Leon. If you'll give me the chance, and give me time, I'll prove you can trust me again."

Leon stared at him for a moment, then let out a baffled laugh. "You're something else, Merlin. You know that?"

The two men shared a long look, and Merlin could see the guilt and regret in Leon's eyes. But despite the hurt, he couldn't fault the man for his wariness. Because if the tables were turned, he honestly couldn't say he'd be without concerns of his own. Of all the knights, Leon was the only one whose protectiveness of the king came close to matching Merlin's.

Leon stood, and as he walked by, he ruffled Merlin's hair just a bit gentler than he normally did.

Merlin sighed. It wasn't what he had hoped for, but at least he was making progress with the knights.

Well. Most of the knights.

He stood and looked around until he found Gwaine sitting against a tree, waiting for the rest of the group to be ready to leave. He took a deep breath, feeling oddly shy and nervous, and made himself go sit next to his friend.

Gwaine didn't look up as he approached, his eyes scanning the woods around them with unnecessary focus.

"So," Merlin began after an awkward pause. "I don't know if you heard, but I saved Arthur and Lancelot yesterday. With magic."

Gwaine let out a huff that might have been the beginning of a laugh.

"Any chance I can persuade you that means I'm not evil?" Merlin asked, nudging him with his arm, and Gwaine shook his head.

"I know you're not evil, Merlin. You're...loyal, and brave, and reckless, and all the things you've always been."

"Then why won't you look at me?" Merlin asked softly.

Gwaine swallowed, his mouth tightening as he struggled to find words. "When I woke up, and your eyes were gold, and Lancelot…" he trailed off. "I didn't know what to think. You attacked a knight with magic. But then I thought about it, and…" His mouth twisted into a pained smile. "I realized you would do the same thing as Caerleon's sorcerer. You would kill every last one of us to protect Arthur."

Merlin's stomach lurched, partly because it was a horrifying thought, but mostly because he suspected - he feared - Gwaine might be right. He wasn't sure what lines he'd be unwilling to cross to keep Arthur safe.

Gwaine cleared his throat, and suddenly his tone changed to something more direct and matter of fact. "But not for glory," he said firmly. "Not for money or prestige, like he did. Yesterday...you did what you had to do to save Arthur. But you were willing to sacrifice your own life before you'd harm Lancelot. Which was…" he laughed roughly. "Which was the sort of thing my friend would do."

He finally looked at Merlin, just a brief side glance. "You lied to all of us when we trusted you. I couldn't help having some doubts." He hesitated before continuing, forcing the words out. "But I knew better than to behave the way I did. I knew you better than to behave the way I did. All the years of friendship between us, and I didn't even give you the benefit of the doubt."

"No," Merlin agreed, and he didn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his voice. "You didn't."

Gwaine turned his head toward him, although his gaze stayed fixed on the ground. "I owe you an apology. I didn't act like much of a friend."

Merlin nodded his acceptance. "Thank you," he said, studying the knight and wishing he would look up and meet his eyes.

After a moment, Gwaine asked, "Why didn't you tell me? Not that it's any excuse for my behavior, but finding out that way, through violence…" he trailed off with a dark smile. "Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but I'd like to believe I would have listened."

"Maybe," Merlin agreed, although he wasn't so sure. "But I didn't tell anyone." He wasn't sure he could ever fully explain just how deeply ingrained the need for secrecy had always been. No matter how the others might try to understand, he doubted they ever could. "Not ever. Not until I told Arthur. I learned to keep my magic a secret before I learned anything else in life."

"You told Lancelot," Gwaine pointed out, and Merlin shook his head.

"I didn't say a word to him. Lancelot caught me doing magic, years ago."

Gwaine perked up a little bit at that, finally meeting his eyes. "Really?"

"Really."

A smile tugged on his friend's lips even as he tried to fight it. "So it really was a secret from everyone. Not just from some of us."

"Yes," Merlin confirmed. "It had to be, if I wanted to keep my head."

Gwaine gave into the smile. "Based on what I saw with Lancelot, anyone who tries to harm that head is in for a surprise."

"I can take care of myself," Merlin admitted with a grin and a modest shrug.

"Yeah," Gwaine said quietly. "I guess you can. That will take some getting used to."

Arthur interrupted before Merlin could reply.

"Time to get going," he called, walking over. "Everything ready, Merlin?"

"Yes," he confirmed, standing.

"All right," Arthur said, clapping a hand on his shoulder for a moment as they walked toward the horses. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a real bed and a real meal. Let's get home."

Home.

Merlin woke to a dark sky overhead, although the eastern horizon was beginning to pale. Unlike his alarmed awakening a few nights before, this time he rose from sleep softly, peacefully. His tired body protested at the interruption, but his mind stubbornly took hold of consciousness.

Rolling over, he spotted Arthur sitting next to a dying fire, so he sat up and stretched, then ambled over to join him.

"I thought you didn't have a watch tonight?" he asked. "There shouldn't be any lasting harm from what I did, but you still need rest."

"I woke and couldn't get back to sleep," Arthur said simply, "so I sent Percival to bed. There was no point in two of us being up. Why are you awake?"

Merlin hesitated for a moment. He was pretty sure he knew why he was awake, but he wasn't sure how Arthur would respond to it.

"I think some of my magic is still lingering in your body, to be honest. I think I'm awake because you're awake."

Arthur frowned at that, but all he said was, "Weird."

"A little," Merlin agreed. He watched Arthur for a moment, then asked, "Anything particular on your mind?"

Arthur chuckled humorlessly. "Anett. She went after you. She tried to enchant me. She enchanted Lancelot. She's not a woman who does things in half measures."

"No. Nor is she a woman who gives up easily."

Arthur nodded grimly. "She'll try again. One way or another, she wants a foothold in Camelot."

"Yes," Merlin said. "She'll try. Just as she's tried three times already, and failed three times. And we'll be ready. I'll be ready."

"I haven't figured out yet if your confidence is encouraging or just another symptom of your idiocy," Arthur replied, eyeing him warily, and Merlin gave him a halfhearted scowl.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Arthur spoke again. "You're a sorcerer."

Merlin tried to hide his smile at the asinine observation. "I am."

"But you truly don't want me dead. Or to hurt Camelot. You just…want to do what you've always done. What I always knew you to do, I mean. Run around like an idiot, taking stupid risks to keep us all safe. To keep me safe."

"I don't run around like an idiot," Merlin protested, and Arthur snickered.

"You've clearly never seen yourself during a bandit attack."

Merlin glared, but didn't argue. Then Arthur turned to his head to look at him, and his laughter faded.

"Thank you, Merlin," he said soberly. "I know the past several days haven't been easy on you, and what you did, that ridiculous spell… it was brave. Stupid, but brave. You will always have my gratitude for it. And I will beat you if you ever do it again."

Merlin shrugged, pleased by the praise and ignoring the threat. "It was worth it. I was terrified I was going to lose either you or him, and I couldn't bear either thought."

"It was a dark place to be," Arthur acknowledged. "You know, I was so sure of what I knew about magic. And now I find what I knew about magic doesn't match at all with what I'm learning about you. And as sure as I was about magic…I think I'm more sure about you, Merlin."

Something calm swept over Merlin at those words, something that made his chest warm and his whole body seem lighter.

"There's a lot I don't know."

Merlin snorted at that. "There sure is."

"No need to agree quite so emphatically," Arthur scolded, looking a little offended.

Merlin smiled contritely. "I don't mean it in a cruel way," he said by way of apology. "But you've been taught so little of magic, and so much of what you have been taught is wrong."

"Will you help me?" Arthur asked quietly. "So I can better understand? So I can better rule?"

Merlin feared the warmth in his chest may explode out of him at that, a burst of magic straight into the clearing. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it back down and nodded. "I would like nothing more."

AN: We made it! As always, thank you for all of the supportive reviews along the way!

I do plan to have a sequel (I'm about halfway through writing it right now), and I have a few other stories in the works as well. However, I am taking a break for a few weeks. When I come back, I plan on posting everything on Archive of Our Own. I do not intend to post anything on FFnet for the foreseeable future. So if you're interested in continuing to read my stories, you can find me over there under the same username.

Thank you again for the support, and happy holidays!