*IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING*: This chapter contains some aggressive DID and trauma denial by an alter. This is quite common, but can be triggering to those who encounter it outside their system on a semi-regular basis already, which is (sadly) most people with DID.

So, consider skipping that part of the lobby conversation with Dean if this is a sore subject. And please remember that alters denying DID/OSDD is often a very specific, counterintuitive form of self-defense, and not an indication of how real the system or the condition is.

*The part to skip is between the phrases why you all exist and you're a real treat.

Dean turns out to be a tall, broad-shouldered man - taller than he seemed in that picture, standing next to his 6'4 brother - with short-cropped, sandy hair, and tired eyes that bear little resemblance to Sam's. They can still burn a hole through a concrete wall, though; the man sitting across from her now holds her in a gaze that very clearly says I don't trust you, tell me everything. Between him and Cas, it feels like being inexplicably intense is a prerequisite for being part of Sam's life.

Well, to be fair, there's nothing inexplicable about that. What little she does know about Sam's circumstances, and by association his brother's, doesn't leave much room for confusion about why either of them would be this vigilant.

Dean seems to have come prepared, flashing a badge and offering a well-spun story about a government job that he can't elaborate on; a few months spent off the grid; an unfortunate string of miscommunications with Cas. Kate doesn't buy a word of it - well, maybe the going off the grid part, but nothing else. She isn't usually the type to immediately assume she's being lied to, but something just feels off.

Dean himself doesn't, though. Feel off. And she trusts her gut on that, too. He doesn't feel like some asshole who abandoned his younger brother on a whim to go do whatever, and just forgot to call. There's an urgency to how he speaks of Sam, a sort of pain that seems genuine, that he's trying to hide. She can feel him struggle to stay calm and collected. He's desperate. Desperate to see Sam, but maybe doesn't want to antagonize the staff by demanding it right away. It actually makes her feel guilty for how she's set this up.

It's not by coincidence that it's just the two of them in her office. Sam is in art therapy, and she made sure to schedule this meeting at that exact time, so that she could at least try to get an initial read on the older brother before he and Sam get reunited. It felt like the logical thing to do, considering how deeply Dean's absence has affected Sam before and during his time here.

Dean clears his throat. "Anyway, it sounds like Cas pretty much told you all about Sam's - - his others." He fidgets a little as he says the last word, and Kate suddenly sees a trace of Sam's body language in his unease, just a hint.

She's allowed to speak to Dean more freely, and so she nods. "Yeah, he did. And we've gotten to know them here - well, some of them."

Dean simply nods back. Kate finds herself absurdly grateful for that, relieved that she doesn't have to go through the same process with this man that she usually faces with DID patients' loved ones. Yes, it's a real condition. No, you not noticing alters doesn't mean they haven't been there. No, it's not schizophrenia, that's something entirely different. At least Dean knows. She suspects that his discomfort, at this stage, is more about Sam's inner world being exposed and vulnerable to a ward full of strangers than it is about any shame or disbelief.

She clears her throat. "How many of Sam's others would you say you've met over the years? Any idea?"

Dean thinks for a moment. "I don't know, it's hard to tell for sure. Only a couple of them have names, and I can't always tell the young ones apart." He looks away, bites his lip before he says, "a scared kid is a scared kid, you know? I know there's more than one or two, but I can't really ask them who they are. Some of them don't talk at all."

"But you know they're of different ages."

Dean sighs. "Looks like, yeah. Some of them draw like they're in kindergarten; some of them sound a lot like Sam did in elementary school. Some don't."

She makes a mental note to come back to that next time they talk. Assuming Dean will agree to. "And the ones who aren't children?"

Dean's face darkens as he says, "well, there's Jay. I'm told that's the guy's name - he never gave it to us before. But he's been around for a LONG time. I hear you got to meet him. "

Kate nods. "Yes, we did, on multiple occasions. He's been… dominant."

"He lets you know when he's around, doesn't he. Not really a shrinking violet."

She can't help but smile, a little. "No, definitely not."

Dean shakes his head. "He's a dick, but the real issue is that he's been hurting Sam for years. On and off. And Cas and me, we... we've been trying to remember that he's part of Sam when he does shit like that, but you know. It's not easy."

"Oh, I know."

Dean sighs again. "Anyway, can't say I like the guy, but we made some progress before I… before I had to leave. He was willing to go a little easier on Sam - well, on the body, Sam keeps telling me it's not him that Jay is attacking, it's the body - and for a while he did. But Cas tells me it got bad again. He says Jay actually almost killed Sammy, once. Just before he got here."

It's hard to miss the way Dean's voice tightens as he says that, and Kate thinks back to how Sam looked when he checked in. Pale and slow-moving, arms bandaged halfway up to his elbows, weak from blood loss and dehydration despite the transfusions. Jay apparently forgets to drink, too - none of them is sure if it's an act of self-sabotage or just the result of his disconnect from the body. Yeah, that was a close call, for sure.

"According to Jay, he wasn't trying to kill himself and the rest of Sam's system that time. He referred to it as a slip up, said that he was going for more moderate damage and ended up getting more than he bargained for. Not that it would have mattered what he meant to do if Sam had died, obviously. But generally speaking, from what we've seen here, it looks like Jay isn't suicidal per se."

Dean's eyes harden. "But one of them is."

"At least one, yeah."

Dean studies her face for a long moment before he says, his voice painfully small now, "Sam. Sam wants to die? He's the one?"

Kate nods. "He doesn't outright say it, not anymore - not since he's been warned that actively suicidal patients get transferred to a more secure ward. It's not usually a place that's too open to working with DID, or even acknowledging that it exists, in some cases. I mean, it's different in every hosp - -"

Dean interrupts her, any hint of vulnerability gone from his voice and his face like it was never there. "Hold on, so you're telling me - you threatened my brother into keeping quiet when he wants to kill himself? This is what you people consider help?"

She can't really blame the guy for assuming that, or for being this angry. Hell, he's not entirely wrong; the threat of losing what little stability patients have in here is undeniably used in situations like Sam's, where suicidality and self harm go beyond a certain point. And it sucks.

"I'm not going to play coy and pretend that I don't get why you'd say that, Dean, but we do let patients know about the limits of care in this ward for a reason. Sometimes knowing where the line is can help desperate people stay just shy of crossing it, at least long enough for us to do some work with them that will actually ease their pain. It's… not ideal."

Dean seems to be trying hard to rein in his anger as he says, "okay, and has it helped keep Sam safe?"

Fair enough. "Well, you know by now that it hasn't. We can't stop the self-injury completely, just curb it. I do think Jay would have done more damage in other circumstances, but the most recent injury was pretty nasty. So yeah, we haven't really achieved stability in that sense. And I'm definitely worried about what happens once he's released."

Dean stares out the window for a while, his face taking on a familiar expression that makes Kate think of his brother's in-between moments. These two men have been through something horrific, you'd have to be in utter denial not to notice the signs.

"You know, sometimes it - - it makes talking to Jay feel like a hostage negotiation." It's a harsh sentiment, but Dean sounds like he's commenting on it from far away, somehow. Almost like he's reading aloud a sentence that he meant when he thought it, but can't quite connect to it as it comes out of his mouth.

Kate leans forward instinctively, trying to make him shift his gaze. The way she does with Sam.

"Yeah, I guess it can feel that way, huh," she says. "Although I'm guessing Jay would have some choice words to offer about that analogy."

Dean nods, doesn't say anything.

They only have a few more minutes before art therapy ends. "Listen, Dean, I'd really like to set a time for us to talk some more about this, and about - - well, everything. If that's alright with you."

Dean nods again. Still doesn't make eye contact.

"Yeah? Great. Okay, well, Sam should be out in a couple of minutes. We'll let him know you're here."

No response this time. Kate studies Dean's face.

"Dean?"

He blinks. "Huh?"

"You okay there? You look kind of… well, you look troubled. I haven't had the chance to ask you how you're doing, coming back to find Sam in here."

Dean does meet her eyes, finally. "I'm good. Really." He follows the statement with what has to be the emptiest, saddest smile she's seen in a while. Shit, nothing is okay, this man is in some sort of serious trouble, too.

Not like she can do much about that.

Group art therapy can go overtime on occasions; the conversation takes an unexpected turn that Gwen doesn't want to interrupt. Or someone is having an extra hard time, and the closing round takes a bit longer. Whatever it is, Kate is grateful that today is one of those days. A few more minutes for Dean to take a breath, which she feels like the man sorely needs. She's retreated to the nurses station to give him and Sam at least the illusion of privacy, and she wouldn't say that she's watching him from there, but - - okay, she's not not watching. From a distance.

Still close enough, though, that she can see Sam's face as he comes in and sees him standing there. Kate thinks to herself that Sam's expression is everything the word home stands for when home is complicated. She's never seen this look on his face until now; a strange mix of pain and love and familiarity and relief. And then pain again.

Sam takes a long, shaky breath as Dean steps forward to wrap his arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Sammy. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Sam nods, chin digging into his brother's shoulder. He holds on to Dean like he can't quite trust that he's actually there; tries to blink away the tears as Dean's hand comes up to pat the back of his head. Kate can't hear what it is that Sam is mumbling, but she thinks he's telling Dean it's okay. Partly because Dean hugs him even harder in response. They stand like that for a while.

Later, she'll remember the exact moment when Sam got overwhelmed. Easy to tell this time, because she can see his head beginning to loll sideways against his brother's shoulder, see his knees start to buckle. Almost like someone hit an off switch.

But then it's over, before Kate even has time to move; Sam blinks again, his eyes growing dull. He lets his arms drop to his sides, takes a step back.

Dean instantly lets go, watching Sam's face. He doesn't say anything for a long moment. Kate wonders if he's trying to get a read on who he's looking at, the way he must have done hundreds, maybe thousands of times with Sam over the years.

She knows who it is before Dean says his name, sounding wary and at the same time painfully exhausted, like he was expecting this. Maybe dreading this.

"Jay."

There's that cold, slightly amused smile again. "Yup," the alter says, leaning casually against the wall in Sam's long frame. He looks Dean up and down. "So you're back? Nice of you to make an appearance."

He doesn't seem angry, but then he's never really shown much anger during Sam's time in the ward. Jay doesn't feel rage, he siphons it; takes it out calmly and with surgical precision on the body that he's forced to share.

Dean is probably well aware of that. He doesn't strike Kate as the kind of person who responds mildly to provocation, but his voice remains calm, his words measured and his face neutral as he says, "I know. It's been a while."

Jay snorts. "Yeah, I'd say so." He studies Dean's face, frowns a bit like he's finding something new there that he can't quite recognize. Shrugs.

"So you bailed because what, you figured you've had enough? Sammy losing his marbles wear you out? Can't say I don't get that. I just don't get why you'd be dumb enough to come back."

Kate can see Dean's careful, guarded facade slip just a little as he says, "that's not - - that's not what happened."

Jay cocks his head, feigning interest. "Really? So you just up and skip town one day without warning, but that had nothing to do with little brother being a basket case, huh. Just a coincidence."

Dean seems to have given up on civility, eyes darkening and voice just an inch away from menacing as he says, "don't talk about him like that."

Jay chuckles. "Aww, a little too late to play Big Brother to the Rescue now, but good effort. Anyway, come on, what do you care what I call him? You know he's a fucking mess. And we both know you don't really give a shit."

Kate remembers Jay's words about how the older brother would never leave Sam without a reason, and it occurs to her that he's trying to hit Dean where it hurts the most. She wonders if she should step in as she watches Dean's hands curl into fists by his sides, because apparently Jay knew just where to aim. She decides to hang back; she doubts he'll be punching Jay when he knows it's Sam that will have to carry the bruise. Jay would probably find that hilarious.

Dean shakes his head. "So now I don't give a shit. Well, that's just awesome. You know what, screw you, Jay - you've been around long enough to know better. And to know that no one gets to talk about Sam like that." He looks Jay dead in the eye as he adds, "and I'm not gonna let you off the hook, either. Because you know. You know what he's - - why you all exist."

Jay rolls his eyes, looking bored. "Jesus, you're not going to start with that bullshit again, are you? Poor Sammy, life was just too gosh darn hard on him. He just had to make up imaginary friends to keep going."

Kate feels her own rage blooming at the sound of that mocking summary of Sam's wounded life. No amount of reminding herself that Jay's denial serves a purpose can help, not at the moment. His lack of empathy isn't exactly news to her, but it's harder to take when it's turned against Sam.

She wonders if Sam is hearing all of this, somewhere in the back. Sometimes he does.

Dean seems to be struggling not to lose his temper. "I called it 'imaginary friends' once, Jay. Back when I had no idea what it even was. It was a dick move, and I know better now, okay? And Sam knows that. So don't you quote me back to me. Just because I was an asshole about it, doesn't mean you get a free pass to be one to Sam, too."

Jay shrugs. "Not being an asshole, man. I'm just not buying his story. The guy's just weak. Always was. Even back when you were kids, he was a fucking whiner - you know I'm right. He just can't deal, and he fell apart, and now he has a neat little story to tie it all together. He has all of us to point at and say, see, something bad must have happened, otherwise these guys wouldn't be around. I mean, come on, he just can't handle his shit. That's all it is, all it's ever been."

The sheer amount of vitriol in Jay's words sends chills down Kate's spine. He's gone over this with a fine tooth comb. Has an explanation all laid out about why it all has to be a lie. Sam's constant self-doubt seems tame in comparison, and she wonders how much of it comes from the same toxic well that Jay seems so content to draw from.

Feels like it's all coming from the same source. She's become familiar with the radioactive core of self-loathing and self-dismissal that so many of her patients harbor after being emotionally crushed, consistently and from a young age. Sam has that in spades; Jay just appears to have the most direct access to it, and zero qualms about giving it a voice.

Dean sighs. "Yeah, alright. You've told me that before. It's not - - I mean, for fuck's sake, Jay. If there's something Sam is bad at, it's convincing himself that anything is not his fault. Try telling him that something going wrong is not on him. That's the guy you think is making up excuses? Seriously?" Dean raises an eyebrow as he adds, "and he's definitely not making you up - it'd be nice if he was, at this point. 'Cause let me tell you, you're a real treat."

That observation produces another eye roll from Jay. "Yeah, well, you're not exactly a joy to be around either, jerk. Get over it."

He frowns as Dean smiles, and this time Kate has to admit she shares the alter's sentiment. "What? What the hell's so funny?"

Dean's smile was quick, and it's immediately gone, along with the flash of relief that evidently made it appear. "Nothing," he says, looking past Jay's shoulder at the wall. "It's just - - that's Sammy's word."

Jay's frowns deepens. "What, 'jerk'? Oh yeah, he really coined that phrase. Super unique."

Dean shakes his head. "I know it's nothing special to you, but that's what we do. I call him bitch, he calls me jerk. It's a thing. I was just surprised to hear you say it, that's all."

Jay looks uneasy, like he finds the mere suggestion that he shares anything with Sam upsetting. "Whatever. It's probably because he's around here somewhere, whining away about how he barely got to say hi before we - before I took the wheel. Like I fucking wanted to."

Dean nods, and Kate wonders if she's imagining the way his face softens, just a bit, at the sound of the alter's protest. "I know you didn't. Listen, I know you have to deal with a lot you didn't ask for." He pauses, thinking. Bites his lip before he continues.

"Jay, I know - I know you've had to look out for Sammy and the rest of them all on your own for all this time, and for that - -" Dean's voice cracks as he says the words, but he gets through them, "for that I'm sorry. I am." Kate feels her heart clench as she watches him study his brother's eyes, and the half-stranger that's looking through them. "But I'm here. I need you to know that you can stand down, he's safe."

This is the closest Kate has seen Jay get to losing his cool. "Stand down? Are you for real? Man, you really are a hopeless case. You think I'm gonna what, evaporate because you just decided to sail in? Because you finally picked up a damn phone and got an update?" He shakes his head, incredulous. "You do know that's not how it works, right?"

Dean raises his hands. "Woah, hey, I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying you should just disappear. Or that you can. I just meant - - I'm just saying, I'm here. And I'm not going away, and I know you're all pissed about how it went down, but I really want to talk to Sam for a minute. I meant it like that, okay? I meant - - can you - - you said he was around, right? Not that far away right now. Can you try to get him to come back?"

Kate braces herself for another scathing retort from Jay, but he says nothing, studying Dean's face again.

Eventually he says, "well, whatever, he's going to have to deal with you either way, now that you're here. And I'm not into this reunion shit. I can't just make him stick his head out, but I can - - I can try going back inside, let whoever's up for it take the front. If that even works. I might just be stuck here."

Dean's immediate nod tells Kate how often he's seen that happen with Sam. Has found himself looking at someone in his brother's complex inner world who didn't want to be there, but couldn't leave.

Jay walks over to one of the lobby chairs and sits down, leaning his head back against the wall. He rubs his face, looking uncharacteristically tired, almost resigned. But his voice is still sharp as he says, "you're gonna have to be careful, though, if it's one of the kids that comes up. If you make those little fuckers upset, I'm the one who's going to have to deal with them crying for days after. I'm not doing that right now. Shit is messed up inside as is."

Dean's face falls at the sound of that statement, like the mere mention of Sam's younger others being inconsolable hurts. "I'll be careful. I always am, with them. You know that."

Surprisingly, Jay nods. He stays quiet, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes before he finally blinks and shakes his head.

"I can't go inside. Door won't open."

Kate assumed that would be the case; Sam often refers to his sense that there's a metaphorical gate that he has no conscious control of, one that swings open and closed depending on factors he's often clueless about. She knows that his system tends to lock itself up when things reach a certain level of instability, leaving either Sam or one of the others alone out in front for long periods of time, escape routes blocked. This is nothing new. The other side of that coin is just as confusing; sometimes his mind responds to overwhelming pain with a flood of switches, with Sam gone for days at a time and his consciousness shifting between alters at breakneck speed.

Nothing new for Dean, either, apparently. He sits down by Jay, leaning back to watch the ceiling with him, like they're admiring the sky on some field trip rather than staring at a thick layer of pale green paint. "That's alright. We can just sit here for a while."

Jay doesn't argue, which again, catches Kate by surprise. She thinks to herself that, for all his hostility and sarcasm, Jay must still have some form of closeness with Dean that he doesn't with anyone else. There's a level of familiarity that's completely absent from his interactions with her and the rest of the staff. Well, that makes sense.

She watches the two men sitting side by side, motionless and silent. She can tell Dean is alert, monitoring Jay's body language, quietly focused on whatever alter Sam's inner world might send to the front next. Jay, on the other hand, seems to be sinking.

She's seen him do that before, all of them really, but it never ceases to unsettle her - the slow slide into a sort of twilight consciousness as a system is preparing for a shift. She isn't sure why she finds it so unsettling, exactly; she knows the mechanism of switches, including ones that are painfully slow and gradual. And she doesn't like to feel like a curious spectator of another human being's pain, which she does, right now. Still, she looks on.

Jay's face slowly loses its tension as the moments pass; he's still staring up, but Kate can see his eyes lose their focus, can tell when he isn't really looking at anything anymore. She watches as his fingers stop tapping that frantic rhythm on his knee and his face goes slack; his head tilts, just slightly, like he's no longer present enough to remember to hold it up all the way.

For a while - seems like forever - it feels like it's just Sam's body resting on that chair, unoccupied, eyes still open but unseeing. And then, like a liquid poured into an empty glass, there's consciousness again in those eyes. It's unmistakable, jarring almost, especially because it's so clearly not Jay. The person inside Sam's body takes a hitched breath, looks down and around them, eyes widening as their gaze lands on Dean.

The older brother swallows hard, seems to search for his voice for a second or two before he finds it.

"Sammy?"

The man seated next to him shakes his head, eyes filling with tears. Dean angles a quick glance at Sam's hands, at the way the fingers curl in on themselves now anxiously. "Okay. That's okay. Hey, kid. I missed ya."

Evan smiles at that, instantly happy and relieved, and his joy is nothing short of heartbreaking. Kate thinks of how scared he was that Dean had forgotten about him, that he wouldn't want to see him even if he hadn't.

"We missed you too," he says, then hesitates and lowers his eyes before he adds, "where'd you go? 'S not fair. We were worried a lot. And - - and you never came to visit."

The open sorrow on Dean's face tells Kate that he's momentarily forgotten they're being watched. His guardedness is gone, nothing but pain in his eyes and in his voice as he says, "I know. I couldn't, buddy. And for a while I didn't even know you guys were in here. I'm so sorry. It - - it's never going to happen again, I promise you that."

The boy nods, looking unconvinced. "Even if Bobby calls?"

"Even if God himself calls. Which, you know, possible but unlikely."

Evan seems to take that last assessment to heart, nodding solemnly before his eyes wander again. Already distracted.

"We - - I got a name, now," he informs Dean, and Kate has to smile at how proud he sounds to be sharing the news. "You can know it, too. But you can't tell anyone. Just Cas." He thinks for a moment. "Maybe Cas already knows. He comes to visit a lot."

Dean's eyes are pained as he says, "that's good. Cas didn't tell me about you knowing your name now; just about Jay. I'll keep it a secret, if you want me to."

"Evan," the boy says. He tucks his hands under his chin and lowers his head a bit as he utters the word, like he's trying to hide. He's nervous that Dean won't approve, Kate thinks.

Dean smiles. "That's a cool name. Evan. Okay, so that's good news, right? Now I won't have to keep calling you buddy."

Evan looks concerned as he says, "you can - - you can still call me buddy. We don't mind."

"No? You kind of like that nickname, huh."

The boy tries to shrug, but ends up giving him a shy nod.

"Okay then, I'll call you that, too. Is it because you and Cas and me are buddies? Yeah. I get that. No problem."

Evan sighs happily, sliding down in his seat and leaning the side of his head against Dean's shoulder. He stays like that for a few minutes, content to just feel safe, apparently. Kate suddenly wants to cry as she watches Dean's expression, then the way his hand hovers over his brother's head before it recedes.

Something tells her neither Dean, nor Sam have been taught to show affection, and this small display of emotion feels like something that may not happen too often in either of their lives. But she might be wrong about that. Anyway, the gesture doesn't surprise her; people seem to warm up to Evan quite easily, which is something she's never been able to convince Sam was possible. Sam can barely stand to hear about his Littles at all, much less accept that they might inspire actual empathy, rather than aversion or mockery.

Evan looks like something has suddenly occurred to him. He sits up in his chair, excited. "Can we make a stop on the way home? I want a strawberry slushie, but they don't have 'em here. Can we go to Biggerson's? And get chili fries, too? Can Cas come?"

Dean's smile at the unexpected barrage of inquiries turns pained again. "Not today, buddy. But soon", he adds, as he sees Evan's face fall. "I'm gonna come see you a whole lot, until then. Okay? And I'll be talking to Kate, too." He looks up at the nurses station, meets Kate's eyes. She isn't sure if she should pretend she wasn't eavesdropping, but she doesn't bother, nodding instead.

Dean wraps his arm around Evan's shoulder. "Hey, you wanna show me around a little? Maybe introduce me to your roommate?"

Evan considers the offer. "Luke," he says. "He's a good roommate. Yeah. He likes us."

"Oh yeah? That's good. I like him, then."

Evan looks troubled as he says, "but he's sad today, though. When he's sad he's too tired. He doesn't wanna talk."

Dean nods. "Yeah, been there. That's alright, I won't bug him. But you can still show me your room, or maybe the stuff you guys make - do you make stuff in here? Like, I don't know, macaroni necklaces or something?"

Evan is already up on his feet, heading for his room. "Yeah, dragons," he says, and Kate feels the need to elaborate as Dean follows him, looking at her like what the hell is this kid talking about. "He's been drawing a lot," she says, "and he's extra proud of one of his works. He's been excited to show it to you."

The smile that Dean gives her is genuine, this time. "Oh. Right. His dragons."

As she watches the older brother make his way down the hall, Kate finds herself hoping that Evan won't tell him about how the dragon keeps him safe while he sleeps. She has a feeling that Dean is no stranger to growing up with that particular worry.

She needs to work out a new plan for Sam's release, now - to go over her schedule to try and find as many time slots to meet with the older brother as possible, in the time they have left. To rethink Sam's possibilities outside.

As she sits at her desk, staring at Sam's open file on the computer screen, she wonders if what she's feeling is hope. It's not like Sam suddenly has access to relevant therapy now that Dean is back; not like all that trauma isn't still waiting to be dealt with.

But she can't help but wonder if Dean's return gives Sam more of a fighting chance.