And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

I know we'll make it anywhere

Away from here

"Run" - Snow Patrol

-Reconciliation-

Dishes clinked together downstairs as he threw his coat, mittens, hat, scarf, and boots into a backpack. He had taken the opportunity to dart from the infirmary to his room just as his brothers were sitting down for dinner. It was the only time he could be certain no one would be on the upper level or between the stairs and the exit to their home.

He penned a note out and left it on his bed. His hands were steady despite the headache in the base of his skull and the sharp pangs of hunger rolling through his stomach.

This was his only opportunity.

Tomorrow he would be bed ridden and he couldn't go through with the procedure until he went back there. Until he went back to where it started.

It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't turn back time.

He just needed to see it one last time, and if they knew what he was planning to do they would stop him.

He needed to do it.

~o~0~o~

When the weather was this bad, so bad the air hurt to breathe, there were no roof tops. There were jackets that lick their ankles, and other mismatched clothing to hide their feet, hands, and face.

He walked down the sidewalks; they were empty anyways. Most people at this time of night weren't out for walks and Leo wasn't headed into a gated neighborhood by any stretch of the imagination.

He hadn't thought about how bad the neighborhood was the night he was raped. He heard that boy scream and he thought that was all that was needed to take action.

Now he avoided this area on patrols and training runs, even though they were needed. This was where women walked with their keys threaded between their fingers.

Rape.

It was the last thing on his mind back then, now it was on his mind every day. It followed him when he slept, it followed him when he ate, it was nestled between his legs all crooked and wrong.

Now as he ground his teeth together to stop them from clattering, he was one of them. A victim. After he had spent years hyper aware of all the terrible things that could happen to him and his brothers (but mostly his brothers) rape didn't make the list.

Rape didn't even make it to the extreme "what ifs."

It was his own bias. He, like a lot of men walking alone at night in bad areas, didn't think he had a thing to worry about. He was a man. He was male. Rape was a crime that affected women. No one sees a man and pulls him into an alleyway to rape.

They did though.

They did.

He just never thought about it.

Why would he?

It took a long time to get back there. Not as long as it took to get home after it happened, but it was still long enough for his fingers to hurt and his shell to vibrate. The hotel was closed.

He guessed a quadruple homicide did that.

He guessed it wasn't good for business, and there was such a thing as bad press.

The lobby door was boarded up. It was a bad neighborhood. He could guarantee the cops would not come if someone called about a homeless man breaking into an empty building. He still didn't want to risk it. If the one thing that ruined his night was a very dedicated police officer on a slow shift he would never live it down.

So he entered the way he did the last time, through the roof access door.

This was how a gazelle felt walking over sleeping lions. There were memories he didn't realize he still had. The wallpaper was sickeningly familiar, the carpet was the same. The light fixtures in the hall were off but they were there. Frosted glass and tarnished gold trim.

None of the doors were closed, the metal card reader handles were removed. Maybe they were the only thing worth salvaging. No one came back for the carpeting that was for sure. It was cold, but the place had been boarded up for years, it held away the wind and that was enough.

The air was stale and thick, undisturbed, abandoned like it should be.

He didn't belong there.

Donnie and Mikey liked urban exploration. Condemned buildings, abandoned neighborhoods. Maybe it was the wonder of it. When did they ever get to walk around a hotel or explore Kmart?

Never.

When would they ever find themselves the victim to someone else's sexual desires.

It was supposed to be never.

The room was gutted, not only was the furniture gone, but parts of the floor were too. That was the shock. Rectangular sections of carpet were torn up and gone. Even the wood under the carpeting was gone, it was surreal. He knew Donnie had said something about this type of thing. Whenever murders were covered up in movies how the screen would pan to two people scrubbing blood out of the carpet.

It didn't work like that.

Bodies were bags of fluid and they would seep through the carpet and into the flooring underneath. The longer the bodies were left, the deeper the fluids leaking from their corpse would go. Everything contaminated had to be shaved away.

He knelt down in one of the carved out squares, running his mitten covered fingers over the wood. Everything that had happened that night was gone. The bed frame he had been tied to, the tables and dresser. The lamp and its hauntingly yellow light.

There was evidence of those things, places where the wallpaper looked brand new. Where the furniture had protected it from cigarette smoke and stains. Just like the floor there are places where the wallpaper was cut away. In neat little rectangles.

Where the blood splattered on the wall.

Frowning he noted that the area he had left a very bloody hand print wasn't cut away. The stain was gone but the wallpaper was intact. Same for the door frame leading into the bathroom.

He guessed a three fingered hand print would have messed up the idea of gang violence. It was never clear what the general verdict was on The Sabors. Leo had gone above and beyond trying to stay away from that news. Now it was a two year old cold case.

He wished his brothers would stop obsessing over this place, he wished that Donnie hadn't poured hours of his own psyche into watching the video and going over crime scene photos… all just for Leo to lay in bed wallowing in it.

He took a deep inhale, the dust tickled his throat but he ignored it. "This place has no power over me," he said with a slow exhale.

"Well, now I feel like an asshole."

In a flash Leo was up on the other side of the room, both swords drawn from where they were sheathed at his hips under his coat.

Raph took off his helmet. "Shit, sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said with a genuine grimace.

Leo's heart settled down, but his hands shook. This was the worst place for someone to get the drop on him. To think he had been so careless to not realize he had his shell towards the door.

"What are you doing here Raph it's freezing out!" Leo hissed to cover up his fear, sword tips towards the floor. He was tired of putting his family on the other end of them.

Raph raised an eye ridge, "Says the guy who walked here to the guy who rode here wearing a leather bodysuit, you think The Night Watcher took snow days?"

Leo deepened his glare but no retort immediately surfaced. "Go home Raph, I'll be back later."

"You can't do this to us, you can't just disappear on us." Raph stepped further into the room, his face contorted.

"I left a note." He wasn't in the mood to argue with his brothers over some time to think and this was why. "I said not to worry."

Raph's face didn't break. "An ominous note saying you were taken care of 'something' and not to worry," he clarified, pointing at the floor with every word. "We thought you were going to jump off a fucking building!"

"I'm not suicidal!" Leo shot back, but his voice caught on the last word.

Not actively at least.

"The things you've been saying to Donnie paint a different picture."

There was no argument to be made. His behavior over the past few days had spelled out his mental well being. They knew he was hiding how much it hurt finding those unread and unsent letters. As much as he hated to admit it they knew him well enough to know when he was packing their ears with bullshit.

And maybe the note was vague in case he couldn't come back.

Maybe he tied a rope to his home and waded out into the water with half the thought to cut himself free.

"So don't play fucking games and say we ain't right to worry," Raph said.

He nodded, looking away, looking down at the floor or what was left of it before Raph closed the space between them in a few steps and hugged him. It was more like a shell cracking squeeze.

"Fuck," Raph muttered into the side of his head. "You realize what our first thoughts are when you do this right?"

His throat closed, he couldn't exactly hold Raph back with his swords still in his hands. "I… I didn't think you guys would jump to that conclusion. I'm sorry Raph."

Raph pulled away but kept hold of his shoulder, "I'm not too good with the touchy feely shit but, I love you."

"I love you too," Leo said without hesitation.

"Then can we go home?"

He shook his head and stepped away from Raph. "No, I have to do something… I have to, the answer is here, in this room," he said looking around now that Raph was here trying to pull him back.

"The answer to what?" Raph asked, confused.

"Why I'm not over it, why I can't stop thinking about it. It's in this room."

The room was empty, more than empty. Leo's chest sunk in as Raph looked around. Of course he didn't see anything here. He didn't see what could be in this room, but for Leo there had to be something.

"There ain't nothing in this room," Raph said after his exaggerated look around. "There's barely a floor."

"It's not material," Leo bit out. His heart heavy and his chest tight. This was embarrassing, this was personal. This place was like a secret journal or a diary. His brother shouldn't be in this room ever. There was a time before where the idea of this moment would have shattered him. "You know what the five stages of grief are?" Leo asked, tightening his grip on his swords.

"Yeah."

"That last stage, acceptance, it has to be here right?"

There was a long pause, one where Leo kept struggling to take a breath. This was it, this was where it happened and therefore this was the moment he would accept it and be free.

Right?

"I don't think it works like that," Raph said.

"But it hurts," Leo stressed, turning to face Raph. "It hurts all the time, it can't keep hurting forever," he pinched his eyes shut before he could cry.

He regretted every word and at the same time he wanted to tell Raph the whole thing from start to finish. He looked down at his swords and the rectangular sections of cutaway floor, like shallow empty graves. Is that all this place is now?

"It can, it might. I dunno, Leo." Raph said and his words were soaking in reality. Raph wasn't one for encouraging pep talks or rousing speeches. He was unfiltered reality. "But you don't belong here, not now, not then. You belong home with us."

"And what if I go home and Donnie fixes my tail and… I still can't accept it? What if I'm still…"

"What? Still what?"

"Broken."

His chest hurt so bad, it felt like there was something wrong with his heart. His hands felt numb and tingly.

"Then we'll glue you back together," Raph said firmly. "And if you break down again, we'll do it again. Over and over. We ain't close to accepting it either you know? Which stage is anger? I'm still there, I'm still mad. Not at you Leo, but at Master Splinter, at The Sabors. Fuck 'em."

He sheathed his swords at his hip and silently begged for his hands to stop quaking. He felt like a moron. He felt like an absolute idiot. He could be at home, under a weighted blanket, but instead he was in this room crying to Raph about his issues. No wonder Master Splinter sent him away.

"And I'm mad at myself," Raph sighed out.

"Why?" Leo asked, his voice tight and high.

His throat hurt so bad and he had no idea if it was from the obsessive puking or the anxiety or both.

Raph edged forward, this moment wasn't like ones before where Leo had curled up in Raph's lap and held on for dear life. "Because we were having sex while you were getting…"

Raped.

Leo nodded, "I know," he choked out, unable to hold it back anymore. "I'm not mad. It was my choice to come in here that night."

"Stop blaming yourself for this, or for dad sending you away, or anything!" Raph snapped before throwing his fist through the wall. "Fuck!"

"I want to be alone," Leo said, barely stifling a sob.

Raph brushed the drywall off his fist. "I don't want to leave you alone in this place!" he roared.

"Raph, just, wait for me-"

"You can't do this!"

His face went cold, "Do not tell me what I can and cannot do in this room!" Leo snapped. "I can do whatever I want here and you have no say!"

His hands were shaking again, no one told him what he could or could not do in this room.

"If you can do whatever ya fuckin' want then why the fuck are you here?" Raph asked. "Is this where you want to be? Is it? Because I don't think you actually want to be here I think you just don't want to face what's at home!"

"And what is at home?" Leo snapped. "Master Splinter was right to send me away I'm going to bring down the whole team-"

"You sure will if you don't at least give us a fucking chance to help you!"

I'm beyond help.

"If you can't leave right now for yourself, then fucking do it for Donnie!" Raph yelled exasperated.

Leo frowned, what reason was that. "Why?"

"Because he loves you, and this is killing him." Raph's face fell as the words left his mouth but Leo ignored it.

"He has you and Mikey," he dismissed.

They were fine for two years, they would be fine without him. If he couldn't get better on his own it was better to leave.

Raph shook his head. "No he doesn't, you're to Donnie what... Mikey is to me."

Leo felt the catch in Raph's throat like it was his own but he still didn't understand. He was still the new one, new to everything. "You have to fill in the gaps here Raph, I don't know what that means."

"We all love each other right? We've all done things with each other that go beyond brothers…" Raph explained pacing in front of the window. The snow fell heavy outside. "And I love you and Donnie…"

"But you love Mikey more?" Leo asked.

Raph grimaced. "Not more," he stressed. "But it's a different kind of love. And Mikey, he feels the same way about me. We click more than just when were down to fuck. You and Donnie click that way too. You always have. The level headed ones. You can't leave in any sense of the word Leo, you can't off yourself, you can't go back to Central America. You just can't."

"Because it gets better?" Leo asked feeling like they were running in circles. His whole life was a circle. "Is that your next line? Because I've heard it and I'm sick of it."

"It never gets better man, it just gets easier to keep moving."

As if you would know , Leo thought sourly.

"Look, I'm not an expert in grief, but when you left without a goodbye we went through all of them except acceptance. It don't work like that. You can't just stand in your brothers room and say you're okay with him being gone and then expect to be okay. Not how it works, trust me, I know."

That example was too specific and it hurt to hear that they might have done that. Tried to say goodbye and failed.

"You got ten minutes to meet me on the roof," Raph said, walking by Leo while he struggled to form words.

He struggled to say sorry that he didn't just scream for his brothers when Master Splinter told him he was leaving. He had taken so many wrong turns, he had screwed everything up so many times and they were still there for him.

"If you aren't there I'm tying you up and dragging you home myself," Raph warned pausing at the door. "And I'll fucking win because I've had dinner."

He listened to Raph climb the steps, frozen to the carpeting like every little fiber had suction cups flush with his skin. There was nothing in this room for him, and coming back to the place where he was raped wasn't healing.

Sighing at his own stupidity he eyed the bathroom. The door was closed but Leo knew it wouldn't be locked.

The tile was clean, the bath tub was gone. The only evidence there had even been a tub was the pipes leading to nowhere and the exposed window into the wall. The room felt larger and different. There had once been so much blood in this room alone, where they had hacked up the boy he couldn't save.

He wondered how the boy died, he wondered if The Sabors skewered their last victim with his very own katanas.

He turned away, it was better not to know. The door creaked open as he was trying to fight down the urge to vomit, the sensation of his own katana against his slit fluttered into his mind.

"I thought I had ten-"

"Drop the swords," a stranger's voice said, higher than Raph's and accompanied by a clicking noise.

Leo looked up into the eyes of a human man. He was wearing a dark navy jacket and had a ski mask on, and perhaps more importantly had two guns aimed right at Leo.

"I know you can fucking understand me, so give me the swords, Leo."

Hearing his name made him tense, quickly his emotional mind realized this was not some unfortunate robber. This person had been listening in.

The man tilted his gun sideways as if to be more threatening. "That's your name isn't it?" he asked. "Drop the swords, now!"

"And if I don't?" Leo asked calmly. He had been on the receiving end of much larger guns in the hands of much more capable foes. "What if I just kill you?" he asked, something dangerous rolling in his stomach.

This man didn't know what he was capable of.

"Like you did to my boys?" the man sneered. "Was it you? Or was it the other one?"

Leo calmly glanced at the guns. Both were small but there was only fifteen feet between them and Leo was in a small narrow room. "If you shoot me my friend will hear-"

It wasn't a bullet, it was a dart and it stung him in the lower leg. Even though Leo was quick to pull it out there was no use, whatever was in the dart was in his bloodstream and time wasn't going to do him any favors.

"Make a noise and your friend gets the one that fires bullets," he warned.

Already the room was getting woozy, "Raph!" Leo shouted as he lunged forward, another shot was fired, this one into his neck. It burned, already a burning pain was coursing through his lower leg making it hard to move.

"Dammit!" the man cursed, pushing Leo off.

Leo's hands were incapable of making a fist. His arms were going numb.

"Leo!" Raph shouted, his helmet was on but-

The shot made Leo's ears rings, Raph fell over clutching his chest. That was death, there was no way any of them could survive a gunshot wound through the chest.

Another pop went off and a dart was stuck in Raph's thigh. "Fuck! That was my last dart!" the man hissed.

He couldn't move, he was lying in one of the shallow graves and could only see Raph with one eye. His limbs refused to move. "Raphael!" he begged.

Don't die, don't die-

The man turned toward Leo's direction, Raph coughing behind him still clutching his chest.

Leo's movement's were too slow to grab the man's foot before he was kicked in the head.

"Shut up!" he roared, foot pulling back and striking Leo again this time in the throat causing him to gag and grab his neck, trying to protect it from another blow.

Another kick landed in the center of Leo's forehead, snapping his head back and nearly knocking him out.

His ears were roaring when he heard a body trip to the floor. "Get the fuck away from him!" Raph snarled.

It took a great amount of effort to move his body to see what was going on. He was being sucked into the floor as Raph straddled the man, hands around his throat.

Leo tasted blood, it was leaking out his nostrils as he watched the man kick and spasm under Raph's weight. For a second he saw himself, bucking under Mondo, legs spread-

His chest was caving in, he couldn't breathe. He could only hear the man choking as it morphed with the memories of his own struggle. The room filled with yellow light, their breath was in his face he couldn't move his limbs.

Blinking back the past he saw Raph's arms shake and his body waiver on the man.

Was he shot, was Raph bleeding out? Through blurry and worsening vision he didn't see any blood. He couldn't breathe, he heard himself breathing and he felt himself slowly passing out. "D-d… dart" he garbled out, his drugged mind thought that was the answer, staring at the dart still stuck in Raph's thigh.

Pull the dart from your thigh.

The air was going thin and stale.

Raph slumped forward with a groan, falling sideways off the man. Leo slipped into darkness seconds later.

~o~0~o~

Leo stood on a rooftop, under an overhang. The sheltered area just outside a roof access door. The nearby buildings were behind a foggy screen, distorted. Their details lost and smudged.

His throat sore and his body was trembling as he pressed himself closer to the building. The wind would spray rain over him. So cold that it prickled his skin.

He held his arms over his chest and shuddered.

He was sprayed again. It hurt again.

He needed to get home, the longer he stayed out in the rain the sicker he would become. How stupid he was to go out this far when he wasn't feeling well.

"Fuck, there you are!" Raph yelled, joining him under the overhang to shield himself from the rain too. "He's up here!" Raph yelled across the roof.

Leo edged closer to Raph, teeth vibrating.

Two sets of footsteps could be heard running towards them, kicking up wet gravel and smacking puddles. Raph pulled Leo to his chest, a thousand times warmer than the freezing wind.

"He's really sick," Donnie said, half his body outside the overhang but he wasn't shivering like Leo was. "We need to get him home and warmed up."

Leo always liked this dream the best. If he could have it every night he would. Then he would wake up from his dream in the arms of one of his brothers. Safe and warm.

Raph set out their path to the nearest manhole cover while Mikey and Donnie walked Leo from the overhang, down the moaning metal fire escape, and to the sewers. They shielded him from the rain and the cold and said soothing things about getting him home.

The journey back wasn't horrible and long. His tail wasn't mutilated. The hotel room never happened.

Leo loved this dream.

~o~0~o~

Immediately Leo struggled, writhing and trying to twist out of his restraints.

The second he woke up constricted with chains he spasmed and tried to free himself. His mind flashing to the hotel bed, the ropes the men. He wasn't gagged but he couldn't hear anything over the roar of the ocean and the motor on the boat.

Everytime the boat skipped over the water's surface Leo was slammed against the deck, chains pinched beneath him.

There was no way to break the chains, he could worm around and maybe even get off the boat but then the weight would sink and drown him. Suck him down forever.

The pieces fell back slowly and each one hurt. He didn't know what hurt more. He twisted around looking for Raph, he didn't know what scared him the worst; the fact that Raph wasn't there with him or what it meant that Raph wasn't there with him.

Was Raph dead?

The man, whoever he was, must have escaped strangulation and Leo could only hope that the man didn't hold resentments and kill Raph while he was out cold. If Raph had enough strength to put up a fight after getting shot in the chest he must have been wearing protection.

Right?

He gave way to a fit of useless struggling. The chains scraped the bottom on the metal motorboat echoing around and thundering in his throbbing head. The chains around his legs were too tight, they pinched off the circulation. There was no way to jimmy his legs free. He still tried, fuck, he tried feeling the rusty sharp edges cut his skin.

More struggling and finally he saw the lip of a tarp by his feet flip up revealing cinder blocks. His heart hammered harder knowing now the man fully planned on dumping his body in the ocean.

Again the boat skipped on the surface of the water. Leo went inches up into the air before landing back on the floor of the boat with a groan. They were going too fast for how choppy the water was. The small speedboat was not meant to travel out into the ocean under these conditions. This was a suicide mission.

The engine turned off and the boat came to a slow halt, rising and falling in the waves. A light came on illuminating the deck. It was so bright and powerful it burned Leo's eyes shut even as the man walked forward in clear view.

"I knew you'd come back," the man said, his voice strained from Raph's earlier attack. Now that he wasn't wearing a ski mask, Leo could make out some of his features. He was slightly heavy set in the face, moon faced. His hair was light brown and his eyes were small.

Leo had seen his face before, minus the necklace of purple bruises.

In an interview years ago with the manager who found the murder scene.

"I knew you'd come back to kill me," he repeated while sitting down on the benched side of the boat across from Leo. "I told myself I would be ready but I didn't know there were two of you."

Even though it was key to control the outward signs of fear and uncertainty when facing an enemy; Leo could not control his breathing. He was hyperventilating too hard to ask about Raph, to ask if his brother was dead. His brother slumped over on to the hotel floor over and over again in his mind. His heart was dropping and constricting. Raph was dead, if he wasn't on the boat then he was dead. This man killed his brother and was going to kill him as well.

Panicking he pulled against the chains, the man said nothing while he squirmed.

This time there was no escape. This was metal, and cold, and death.

The man stood up again causing Leo to shut his eyes. The fact that he was taken to a secondary location meant there was a reason he was still alive.

A reason that could possibly be exploited and worked towards an escape, his rational mind begged him to understand.

"They were so fucking stupid!" the man seethed. "Why the fuck would they do that?"

"The Sabors?" Leo asked, faking a calm and fighting fatigue to hold his congested voice steady. Blood was caked on his face and up his nose. "What did they do?"

"They got fucking cocky is what they got and now I have to clean up their mess," he said pointing at Leo, the waves lifted them up but the man had sealegs and seemed unbothered by the uneven ground. "I knew you'd come back, I knew it, I was waiting. You know how many nights I've just sat in my bed waiting for you?"

"Do you know how many nights I relived it?" Leo asked, forgetting that he was supposed to be placating his captor and instead angry that he was suggesting he was the monster. "I didn't come back there to kill you, I didn't even know who you were. I came back there to see if I could find peace."

The man turned around, keeping his balance despite the waves rocking the boat. "You slaughtered them-"

"They raped me."

Suddenly the man was over him, kicking him over onto his back and stepping on his chest. Leo's arms were pinned and pinched underneath himself in a way that made him cry out. Both wrists were definitely sprained now.

"GODDAMMIT!" he yelled pointing the real gun at Leo's head, his hand shaking so hard he would probably miss despite there being maybe two feet between them.

Leo didn't even look at the gun, he tried to relieve some of the pressure on his arms but it was useless. "Who are you?" he asked.

"Does it matter?" the man asked, there was a shake in his voice. "I have to kill you now."

It still wasn't the voice of a killer. "Then why haven't you?" Leo asked.

Calmness was key. There was nothing more disconcerting than someone who was calm in the face of danger. These tactics did not work on The Sabors, they had a sexual fascination with him that put Leo at a disadvantage.

This man was stalling, and all Leo needed was time. The more time he could buy the better chance he had at living.

"Be quiet! I'm thinking!" he yelled, the gun shaking wildly. Snow catching in the light behind him, no shoreline in sight as though they were on some other plane of existence. All alone in the world. The man's eyes flicked from the gun to Leo's eyes and back.

Leo stared impassively back at the man's eyes, his chest still rose and fell steadily, something that was out of his control, but his intense stare was throwing the situation off. "You can't kill me, you're not a killer." Leo stated it clearly, feeling the boat rise and fall with his rapid breath like the ocean was breathing for him. In and out, up and down.

The man stepped on his chest harder, unaware that it only hurt Leo's wrist and didn't actually impact his ability to breathe. "I said be quiet!" he yelled.

"You killed my brother."

"I didn't mean to- I- He startled me, he had a pulse when I left," his voice broke off, caught in his throat. It was too authentic to be fake, the quiver, the actual regret and fear. "I was never supposed to get my hands dirty dammit! I was just the distributor!"

He had a pulse when I left.

The words flooded him with hope, there was a chance that his brother's were safe. If he died now, he would die knowing Raph likely got back to Donnie and Mikey.

They would be okay.

"What's your name," Leo pivoted. "If you tell me your name you'll have to kill me because now you've killed or maimed my brother and if I survive this I won't stop looking for you."

The man adjusted his gun again, aiming for Leo's head but he still didn't pull the trigger. "Eric Webb."

The name rings an immediate bell. "The manager. I remember now, I saw you on TV." He said calmly. "You were the one who found the scene. Did you tamper with the scene-"

"I had to! The scene already looked altered with!" Eric yelled, taking his foot off of Leo's chest and pacing in a frantic circle. Again his sea legs made him look like he was walking on steady ground. "What cop would believe a monster murdered four people? Hell I knew what that was, a fucking death sentence. I couldn't get rid of four bodies but I could get rid of you!"

Leo rolled to his side and flexed his wrists. They were tied together with zip-ties and there was maybe a chance that he could snap them if enough feeling returned to his arms

"That was smart," Leo praised. "I think I would have made the same call."

"You can't appeal to me," Eric said while still pacing. "You're not human, I'm going to kill you and be done with this. All of this!"

"How did they mess up?" Leo asked, carefully try to figure out how many zip ties were around his wrists. They were cutting into his skin.

Eric started kicking the side of the boat in an outburst. "They should have killed you!" he screamed. "They saw money instead, they got greedy. They ruined everything! Fuck! You know how long it takes to build an operation like that? They fucked it all up. I had that whole building dedicated to this. Years of work. Money laundering built in. We were going to be set for life by this time right now had they just shot you and moved on!"

There were too many zip ties to break by himself. Eric's outburst carried on as he kicked the side of the boat. The metal ringing in Leo's ears painfully.

It still said something that Leo was not on the receiving end of those blows. Time had done Leo favors and worn down on Eric because now they were at the end of the line and no one was dead.

"It was unfortunate that I happened to be on the roof that night," Leo said. "No one would have heard the screaming from the street and I assume that the whole hotel was empty? The books were filled with fake clients and paid for using money made off selling rape porn?"

It all made sense now and if Donnie and Raph were as invested as Leo thought they were then they probably already knew who Eric was.

The chances of any of his brothers finding him now were nonexistent and while Eric was stalling Leo knew cowards unintentionally end up killing in more painful ways. Eric was the type of man to hit a deer and spend hours trying to find the proper aim with his gun instead of ending the animals suffering quickly. Cowards blew the ears off of their victims with shaky hands.

Leo was no fool, not this time. There was a very convenient way for Eric to kill him without shooting him. Leo just hoped drowning wouldn't take longer with him being a turtle.

"This is why you have to die!" Eric yelled while not subtly nursing his foot.

Leo felt the cold starting to get to him, making him tired now that the adrenaline surge was over. "Because I will go to the police?" he asked dryly, letting his head rest on the cold floor of the boat.

"You'll kill me."

If he survived and Raph did die, he would. "You can still get away," Leo said, blinking slowly. "You have money for a boat and guns, you must have enough to leave the country. I wouldn't be able to find you. I would still try but how many people are named Eric Webb? A thousand? Ten thousand?"

Donnie would find you though no matter what.

Eric took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

For the rape? For having to murder him? Leo laughed, "How does someone like you end up in a position like this?"

"What do you mean someone like me?"

"I mean you're a coward," Leo said. "I thought the person who distributed such vile things would be as heartless as The Sabors themselves. You cringed when I said the word rape, you seem to be genuinely sad about possibly killing my brother. You can't shoot me. How does such a weak person end up the head of such a hard operation?"

Eric snarled, "I don't have to shoot you." He walked over to Leo while holstering his gun in the back of his belt.

Leo's heart hammered madly as he realized what Eric was doing. He was going to throw Leo overboard and let him drown.

"N-no!" Leo stammered bucking his legs like a fish on the ground. Again, just as fear had overtook him in the hotel room, he cried out.

Using the slack of the chain between Leo's now numb feet at the cinder blocks he yanked them toward the back of the boat. Leo arched his back up making it harder for him to be pulled.

Eric groaned out in frustration as his load became heavier. "You fucker," he roared, stepping around Leo and getting something from the driver's seat. "You ruined everything!"

He had a tire iron in his hand, and every time he waved it in Leo's direction he flinched expecting a blow to the head.

"We had a name for ourselves, we weren't just amateurs we had put money into what we had done. And you killed- woah- ah-"

A large wave lifted the boat up and turned it, Leo watched as Eric helicoptered his arms in attempts to right himself. The tire iron flew out of his hand and landed in the water on Leo's side of the boat. The noise was lost in the turbulence of the waves seconds before Eric stumbled backwards, his calves hitting the side of the boat.

For a second it looked like he caught himself there, sitting on the edge of the boat. Leo saw it, the relief in his eyes just before he lost it and fell into the water.

A long time passed where Leo just stared, waiting for Eric to crawl back on the boat. The longer he stared at that spot, the more certain he was that Eric would come back. He focused for the sound of Eric breaching the water and splashing around but heard nothing.

He listened for hands to hit the side of the boat.

But he heard nothing.

The light flickered and Leo looked around, expecting Eric to be there but it was just the battery dying.

He shivered against the cold, frozen now because he was there again. He was in a position where he should have been dead but he was somehow still alive.

Or maybe what had happened was worse than anything Eric would have done. Now he was stranded in the ocean restrained too well to escape. He cried out and kicked again but nothing happened. The chains didn't break and he didn't have the strength to break the zip ties.

Breathing hard from his struggle he went slack. The boat rose and fell over and over again. The light flickered until it turned off plunging Leo into total darkness.

His eyelids fell closed shortly after that.

~o~0~o~

His fever was really bad. He leaned against the roof access door as more cold salty ocean water misted over him. Gravity was all wrong too, his feet were numb and he was floating above the ground, like the door was a magnet and he was metal.

Thunder rumbled overhead and he groaned out, he tried to shift his legs.

Despite being under the overhang the rain still fell over him. His skin was so cold it hurt, his legs ached. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck!" Raph yelled, pushing Leo up against the door. "I'm here Leo, I'm here. I have you, I'm going t-to cut these off-" Raph stuttered over the roaring noise of the storm. He cut away the force pinning Leo's arms behind him. "There. Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Raph was shaking hard, trying to turn Leo towards him.

"I have you," Raph shuddered, pulling Leo into a strong warm hug. "I have you, I have you, I have you-"

Leo struggled to move his arms, no energy, he was still glued to the door. "Raph."

His brother shushed him, he placed his mouth to Leo's ear and quieted him, holding him tighter and tighter. "Shhhhh, shhhh," he soothed, pushing Leo's face into his neck. "Did that motherfucker touch you? Leo did he touch you? I'll rip his nuts off if he fucking touched you-"

"Raph-" Leo choked out with barely any voice. His eyes were burning. This was a dream, his brother came for him. They were going home.

Raph rocked Leo gently, but if Leo was being honest the whole world seemed to be rocking harder. The rooftop slanted and tilted.

Another series of shushings came from Raph, followed by petting with shaking hands. "We don't have to talk about it right now. I'm here," he said breathing hard and labored. "And you're alive. Fuck, you're alive, you're alive. What the fuck Leo, what the fuck were you thinking, no, no, no, I don't blame you. This wasn't your fault," Raph shuddered. "I'm sorry. Shhhhh. I'm so fucking sorry."

Leo couldn't pull away, he only barely got his mouth free of Raph's neck. They needed to get home. "Raph," Leo said weakly. "Can't, walk."

Raph stilled and took a deep breath as more rain misted over them.

"Right, right," Raph said with a shake to his voice. He laid Leo down back against the door. "Just deep breaths. You're okay. You're okay." Raph repeated this while gently lowering Leo's head down.

His brother crouched down to deal with the chains. The loss of warmth caused Leo to shiver starting somewhere in the center of his chest as Raph worked. Every once in a while something big would hit the metal overhang, startling Leo.

"I'm here. I'm here," Raph repeated down by his feet.

Leo's eyes fell closed but he quickly opened them not wanting to lose this dream. So often he had nightmares, so rare were the ones where his brothers saved him from that night.

At his feet Raph cursed, the rooftop was slanting violently now, more rain sprayed them. "I can't pick the locks I can't-"

"You came," Leo said, delirious.

He saw now that the hotel was in the middle of the ocean, floating on angry waves.

"Of course I did, Leo." Raph gripped Leo's numb knee. "I always will."

Up and down on the waves they went. "I want to go home, please Raph."

Tears blurred his vision, he just wanted to be back in bed. He wanted to see Donnie and Mikey again. He wanted his family. They would take care of him. In his dreams they always take care of him.

"Okay. Okay. I have it under control okay just give me a second." Raph's voice was a forced calm.

Raph left, Leo could no longer feel Raph. His dream was becoming a nightmare. His brother had abandoned him.

Leo turned his head back and forth against the door, chest heaving to get more air. Why would Raph leave him here? Leo would be forced to go through the door now or wake up. He couldn't wake up. He tried thrashing. This was a nightmare, it wasn't real.

"Shhhh, shhhh," Raph soothed. "I'm right here. This will suck but hold on to the cinder blocks."

Suddenly three miniature metal bed frames were placed on his lap. A chain looped through all of them and around his legs. Leo held them in place, but just like him they were pulled to the door keeping him pinned there.

"You came," Leo whispered.

Raph picked up Leo bridal style and pulled him off the door. "Okay, hold on," Raph grunted while trying to keep his balance. "We're going to my boat now. It's okay."

Holding Leo close to his chest, Raph jumped from the edge of the roof to a boat. The lights were now closer and Leo could see Raph clearer. He was wearing his Night Watcher armor.

"You came," Leo mumbled as Raph set him down in the boat.

"I did, I did," Raph said, lifting the miniature metal beds off of Leo and putting them to the side. "I always will, you're okay."

His brother untied the boat from the building. Leo blinked slowly, watching him work through a piece of warped glass. It was getting harder to stay awake.

Or asleep.

In a blur of motion Raph put a tarp over him. "Here, it's all I have to break the wind." Raph's arms were still shaking hard. "Fuck you're so cold."

Leo lazily agreed with the sentiment as the light was snuffed out. He didn't feel any warmer but he did feel less exposed. It was hard to breathe deeply, it was hard to string together a coherent thought other than the want to be back under that weighted blanket.

"Fuck," Raph cursed as the motor chugged over the noise of the ocean. "Just hold on, Leo."

Beta Reader: kalachelone

A/N on November 28th, 2020: The completed story (9 chapters and about 89,000 words) is already on AO3 under the same title and username if you wanna read ahead.